Three and a Half Years of Sponsoring Myself and I Never Got Past Step Four — Jim P.

About This Speaker Tape

This is a Big Book Workshop recording where the speaker leads a group through Bill's Story, pages 1 through 8 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. He walks through Bill Wilson's drinking history methodically, identifying where Bill exhibits the obsession of the mind, the physical allergy, and the progression of alcoholism. The speaker pauses frequently to explain key concepts — the difference between a potential alcoholic and a full-blown alcoholic, the futility of self-will and self-knowledge, and the meaning of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.

The speaker draws heavily from his own experience, sharing that he was a chronic relapser for three and a half years who went to meetings daily and prayed but never actually worked the steps. He admits he lied about having a sponsor and was perpetually stuck on Step 4. He connects Bill's failed attempts at willpower — writing pledges in the family Bible, using self-knowledge from the hospital — to his own failed attempts to stay sober through self-will alone.

The workshop covers Ebby Thacher's visit to Bill, explaining the Oxford Group history and how Ebby's court case led to his sobriety and eventual 12th-step call on Bill. The speaker highlights that Bill noticed something different about Ebby before Ebby said a single word — the fresh skin, the eyes, the inexplicable change. He also addresses dual addiction in early AA, noting that both Bill and Dr. Bob used sedatives alongside alcohol.

The speaker closes by previewing the three-fold nature of the illness — mental, physical, and spiritual — pointing to page 64 where the Big Book reveals that when the spiritual malady is overcome, the mental and physical aspects straighten out. He emphasizes that no one in AA told him which Higher Power to believe in, only that he needed a power greater than himself, and promises the group will cover the We Agnostics chapter in the following session.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opens with Bill's Story page 1, explains the first two chapters establish the problem of Step 1
• 3:00 Bill's ego and drive for success on Wall Street, the speaker explains Bill was a stock speculator not a stockbroker
• 8:00 The 1929 crash, Bill loses everything but refuses to jump, goes back to the bar instead
• 13:00 Full alcoholism progression: three bottles of gin a day, tumbler of gin before breakfast, 40 pounds underweight
• 18:00 Towns Hospital and the Belladonna treatment, Bill's first attempt at recovery through self-knowledge fails
• 23:00 Speaker shares his own story: chronic relapser for three and a half years, lied about having a sponsor, never did the steps
• 28:00 Discussion of dual addiction in early AA — both Bill and Dr. Bob used sedatives alongside alcohol
• 33:00 Bill's bottom: pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, the loneliness and despair of self-pity
• 38:00 Ebby Thacher's visit — Bill sees something different about him before Ebby says a word, Ebby shares the Oxford Group message
• 45:00 Preview of the three-fold illness from page 64: spiritual malady must be overcome to straighten out mentally and physically