The Powerlessness Explained in More About Alcoholism – Earl H.

Good morning. My name is Lee, and I'm an alcoholic. So, my sponsor always told me if I was nervous before I speak to go pray. So, I prayed before I came up here. So, if it doesn't go so well, you can take it up with my higher power after. So, I'm going to talk a little bit about the doctor's opinion and step one. So, in the doctor, Dr. Silkworth talks about the idea of an allergy. And it's the allergy to alcohol. And for me, when I was going through the steps and first coming into this program, this was a very profound idea. I didn't know what was going on in my body. I didn'T know why I couldn't quit drinking. I didn' t know why every morning my first thought was drinking. And in the doctor's opinion, it talks about the idea that alcohol is an allergy, an allergy just like someone has food allergies, an allergy Just like someone Has allergies to dust. And for me, this was important because it kind of gave me back some of my self-worth because it wasn't something that I created. It wasn't nothing that, you know, it was all my fault because people can't help allergies, you now, allergies I'm born with. Allergies are things that I have to take medicine for. And fortunately for us, there is medicine for this allergy that we have. So the thing about the allergy that is important Is the idea of craving That's really talked about in the doctor's opinion The idea that drinking ceases to become a luxury As it talks about in Bill's story It becomes a necessity I begin to crave every drink I take I don't have any more control It's been taken from me Because, again, when I started drinking, it was great. Right? I had some good times. It was a luxury, something I enjoyed. And by the time I was done, I had no choice. Right? Even if I said to myself, I'm not drinking today, it was a false promise. Right? Because I couldn't control the craving my body created. So I think for me, again. It was being able to relate to the idea of this allergy. Right? Because, again, I didn't know when I first came in here that I couldn't stop. I just knew I had a problem. It probably had to just be the alcohol, right? I'll try the daily drinking. I'll just drink beer and not liquor. We tried all these things, and now I know why it didn't work. It wasn't me. It wasn' because I didn' have self-will. It wasn'' because I'm not that strong of a person. It's because I have an allergy. My body reacts to alcohol, and it's not good. It's never positive at the end. Um, so another idea that's mentioned in the doctor's opinion is the idea of obsession as well. Um, and, and my sponsor told me this one's a little more difficult to, to define or to describe. Um, So I kind of defined it how I felt it and how I see it. So there were days and times when I could go to work, but every day when I was at work, My only thought was to work harder and faster so I could get done. Get done to do what? Get my fix, right? So no matter what I was doing, even if I was, you know, I could have been helping someone at the time. I wasn't doing it for them. I wasdoing it to get done so Icould get somewhere by myself to be able to drink. Eventually, I started taking those drinks with me, right, into my place of work. You know, when I was teaching class, I was obsessing and craving so much that I couldn't wait until afterward. I had to be daring. I didn't have a choice because the craving became that much. And so to kind of sum up this idea, you know, the allergy idea allows us to see the connection we have and to be able to relate to this idea of why can't I stop, right? What is wrong with me? There's nothing. You have an allergy, just like you have a food allergy. And someone that's allergic to strawberries doesn't eat them, right? It's a very simple concept. So why would someone who's allergic to alcohol keep drinking, right, because it will kill us. It's the deadly disease. And I could relate to that idea. And that opened my mind to the rest of this book. And I think that was one of the key things that I took out of the doctor's opinion was I see it, right. I see now where I stand and what alcohol did to me. And it was an allergy. So a little further in the doctor's opinion, it then begins to talk about, you know, we have all of these futile attempts to quit, right? That, you Know, I can do this. I'm just not going to drink today. I got it. And the key thing that it talks about is the idea that it's I. I can quit. I can't quit. I tried. I tried the I only drink beer. I tried The I Only Drink on weekends. I can'T do it. And so it talks about the idea that when I rely on I or self, I can't quit. We have to do it with a power greater than ourselves. And Dr. Silkworth recognized this back in the 1930s, right? This was a base idea of AA is that you can't quite do it alone. You can't put on your own. And I don't want to get in too much on step two, but what the doctor's opinion offers is hope, right. It offers us hope that there is a solution to my problem that has been never ending for years. I saw no way out, and the doctor's opinion allows me to see that I have an allergy to alcohol, so I can't drink. Because every time I take a drink, I don't know what's going to happen. I don' t know if I'm going to have two. Yeah, right? It's not going to happened, right, or where I'm gonna end up tomorrow because I won't remember the night. and I could relate to that and I think the big part of the doctor's opinion why it's the very front of the book is it creates this identification I can identify with what this book offers I can identity with the problems that I have and this also gets now into step one and I thing one of the first things that we have to kind of realize in step one is identification so in order for me Or sorry, I'm going to say we. So step one is we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. In order to do this, I have to identify with everyone else in this room. Right? I have an identification that I can relate to what you went through. Because I don't know about you guys, when I came in, I was different. Right? I was unique. You may have done that, but I did this. Right? And that makes me different. Because we all like to be different. We do. And so part of this identification is the first couple of chapters in the big book, specifically Bill's story. And as my sponsor told me, when I read Bill's Story, you know, it's twofold. One, yeah, I'm kind of learning about Bill, right? Given. But but read it in terms of how it relates to me. Right. When he has these issues that come up, when he says, you Know, I'M SWEARING OFF ALCOHOL AGAIN. and he goes out and drinks. Have you done that? Check. Right? Have you gotten drunk at the worst possible time when everything was riding on it? Check. And so I begin to see again, I can begin to relate and identify with the problems this book presents because I've been there, right? Through Bill's story, I may not relate to it all. You know, I haven't been married So I can't relate to lying to the wife and staying, but I can relate to lying. Right? So I could put that in my life. Absolutely I lied to get what I wanted. And so by reading these first couple chapters and specifically Bill's story, it allows us to relate to the alcoholic lifestyle. Right? The lying, the cheating, the empty promises that we've made to ourselves. Every morning I promised myself I wasn't going to drink. For three years, couldn't do it. No matter how intent I was, right? I was done. I was at that turning point. I didn't want to drink anymore. I couldn't stop, right. Liquor had ceased to be a luxury and had become a necessity. I no longer had the power of choice. And this leads to the idea And I'm going to talk about the first step Kind of in two parts Because, you know, in the first part Of the first steps It's that we were powerless over alcohol And this powerlessness relates to The allergy When it comes into my body I have no idea What's going to happen None And there may be some days When I have two or eight drinks and i'm okay and nothing bad happens i don't know that was luck it's like the lottery right and more often than not i got something bad did happen right i don' t remember the night i don''t know where i woke up and so i was powerless and this concept to me after reading about the allergy and the craving and the obsession and being able to relate to that Absolutely. I was powerless over alcohol Because I had no choice and it goes back to the idea of liquor was no longer a luxury It became a necessity. I didn't have a I didn'T have the power of choice I drank because I had to I drank porque my body told me I had To and if I made it through one day, which I couldn't usually It was awful. It was the most miserable day I've ever had because my body was telling me I had to drink. I didn't have a choice. And so I think that's a very important part. And in Chapter 3, more about alcoholism, when it talks about this powerlessness, it talks abut the idea how we're all delusional. Yeah, I said it. We were delusinal. Right? And why? Why were we delusonal? Because we believed that someday we could be like everyone else. Someday I could have one beer and it not be a problem. And I wanted to believe that so bad. I did. I was delusional that, you know, the last 15 years of my drinking weren't a problem, I could fix it, and then I'll be okay. Give me a year to dry out, the allergy will go away, I'll do it again. I'll get better, I'm going to be all right. And this is what I think one of the most important parts of step one, is that this idea has to be smashed. Not, you know, I'll do it for a year and I'll be okay, right? Because what we're doing with step one and, well, up to step five, but through step one is we're creating a foundation, right, and there's a number of things that help us get through these steps. One is willingness. And in this part, we're really trying to identify with the issue, so the allergy, and then admitting, right? Not suggesting, not this might be a problem. I'm admitting wholeheartedly I'm an alcoholic. I cannot drink and know what happens. I have lost the power of choice. And so that's the first half of step one. We believe we were powerless over alcohol. The second half for me personally was harder. my life had become unmanageable. Because even though I was drinking every day for three years, I still had a job. My family had no idea. I hadn't lost many friends. So yeah, I just drank every day, but I could manage everything in my life. Keyword being I, again. I could mange it the best I could. So my sponsor pointed out something to me that I want to read in Two Wives that kind of, I think, summarizes this idea of unmanageable. Just because I have tangible assets in life that I have a job and I have family doesn't mean my life is not unmanangeable. For me it was the realization that if I pushed enough people away, I could manage my life. So eventually it became very lonely. That became unmanegeable for me because I want to give love and I wantto feel loved towards people And I wasn't capable. But on page 105 of Two Wives, at the very bottom, it says there was never financial security. Positions were always in jeopardy or gone. An armored car could not have brought the pay envelopes home. The checking account melted like snow in June. And this gets to the idea that I may have had a job, but I could have lost it tomorrow. Because like I said, I was drinking on the job. So the delusion that I was managing my life is unreal. And it baffles me now from when I came in to how this change has happened. So one of the things it also mentions in step one is the idea, and I want to kind of close with this. In the doctor's opinion, it talks about the empty promises we make. We make all these empty promises to ourselves that we're going to quit. I'm not going to do it today. And more about alcoholism, it talked about the idea of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. And those are the result of broken promises to ourself. I don't know what's going to happen, but when I drink and I wake up from breaking that promise to myself, I feel lost. I feel pitiful, and I am demoralized because that's another promise that I've now broken to myself. So I hope you guys got a lot out of that. I think it's 940. Am I right, Toby? I got three minutes? Oh, man. Uh-oh. I got five minutes? What if I don't want five minutes all right I'm good let's see what else can we talk about oh all right so funny enough one of the things I love about going back into the book is all the new things I find every time I read it and so in reading The Doctor's Opinion I read a line that I had never read or I've probably read and never really related to. And it's on page, well not page 30, but Roman numeral 30. Because in this book, right, I talked about the idea that we have to relate and that I am not unique from anyone else. And it says all these and many others have one symptom in common. They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. And that's the one symptom in all of us that brings us here, right? Because there are people I'm so jealous of, the people that can drink like I did on Friday and Saturday, and then Sunday they don't have to or they don' t think about it. That was my delusion, right. You partied with me all weekend. Why don't you need the 7 a.m. shot on Sunday? Right. How do you how do you get through a week without drinking and wait till Friday? And so I thought this was interesting because it's again, it's one, we're not unique. And two, we have to be able to relate. And I can relate to the idea of craving. I can related to the obsession and overall, I can relayed to the allergy. And so, you know, I'm so glad that the first chapter of this book, Outside of the Forewords, gave me that relationship. Gave me that idea that I'm not different. And then it kind of, you Know, I am a guy that needs explanations. And in one paragraph, my entire drinking career was summarized. Right? I have an allergy. And if I have an allergy, like most people, I shouldn't do what causes that allergy to react. And so now, thank God, because of this book, I don't have to. Thank you. Lee Kay on step one. You know, he mentioned something while he was talking that one of the things he couldn't relate to in Bill's story was he wasn't married. Well, he won't have to relate to it by drinking, but I just want to announce that he just got engaged to a wonderful woman. And to Kirstie, I wish them all the best of luck, and may she never have to worry about identifying with Bill with that portion. All right. To let you know, all the proceeds from this workshop are to help to benefit the central office, Tri-County. So if you have tickets or didn't have tickets and got past the door or whatever, you donated to a good cause. So let's keep that up. All right? Next one is step two. And it's a pleasure to introduce, speaking on step two, Mr. Dominic B. Hi, everybody. Dominic, recovered alcoholic. Came to believe in a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. You know, coming to believe, you know, if you don't believe in a power greater than yourself, the rest of these steps just will not work. And that was my experience. I first came into the fellowship back in 97 and kind of half-stepped this. And the experience that I had was not freedom, I can tell you that. What I had was fear and fellowship. I lived in the rooms, you know, sometimes two, three meetings a day. And that's how I stayed sober. And I've got to tell you, that was hell. It wasn't freedom today because I have come to believe in a power greater than myself. I have the freedom to go anywhere and do anything so long as I'm spiritually fit. And what a wonderful ally I have, you Know. I came in powerless, and today I have more power than I know what to do with. The thing is it's not my power. It's all alone. And with that, like I said, I came into 97, and really wasn't sure if I wanted to be here. Knew I had a problem. Had no problem with admitting. But, you know, and Bill talks a lot about the prejudice, And, you know, I had all those same prejudices when I came in over organized religion. You know, I looked at certain things about a certain face and it's like, well, you know, yeah, that works for them, but it doesn't work for me. And what a relief when I finally, you know went over from the bridge of reason to the shores of faith. what an exciting experience that was. I mean, you really can't explain it in words. And with that, I'll just talk to you a little bit about my process of coming to believe. Like I said, when I first came in in 97, you know, I kind of half-stepped this. And for some miracle, I have to say, you know, I was able to stay sober for three and a half years. But it wasn't recovery. It definitely wasn't. I mean, it was just dry. So I relapsed, and I relapse right after a meeting. So I guess the whole, you now, fear and fellowship thing really doesn't work. It might work for a time. But in the end, you will drink again. And that was my experience. So when I came back, I got with these big book thumpers, you know, the people I used to avoid, the people that actually had what I was looking for. I just didn't know it. They started taking me through this book. And when Bill started talking about his prejudice, it just really hit me like a ton of bricks because I had the same prejudice against, you now, organized religions, against the God concept, you kno. You know, I could relate to Bill when he said, oh, you know, the spirit of the universe, you know the father of light, creative intelligence. I could buy into all that. But when it came to, you now, a God in heaven presiding over all, who was going to damn me if I do the wrong thing, that's where I parted ways with that. And we agnostics really changed me, you kno, going through. And finally, you know, I was faced with that question. You know, either God is or God isn't. What was the question? I could no longer evade what was that going to be for me. You know? And I was beat. When I came back in, I wasn't. I was beaten. You know. I was willing to do whatever it takes. Even if it meant God. And what a great decision I made. Because today, I have freedom. I'm free to go anywhere I want. I can do whatever I want so long as I take God with me. You know, I get up in the morning. He's the first person I talk to. As I go through the day, I continue to talk to him. I stay in contact. You know. I used to believe that the second step was about, oh, doing the same thing over and over, expecting, you know, different results. And it's not about the insanity. It's about being returned to sanity. It's about God doing this for me. It's not me doing it. He's doing it for me, you know. All I had to do was seek. I looked for him and he showed himself to me. And it was really that simple. I mean, it was so simple that it amazed me. You know, I remember sitting with my sponsor when we were going through this. And when we hit our knees and did that third step prayer, you know, it was just like it's described in the big book. You know, I felt that wave come through me. I felt at peace. And that was the presence of God. And it has been tremendous. And so other people are, oh, that's a pink cloud. You're going to lose that. You don't have to. I haven't lost it yet. All I do is I continue to pray and ask for help. and he just continues to grow. Maybe it's me that's growing, but I haven't lost it yet. I know people in this fellowship that have been sober for a long time, and they haven't loss it yet either. So if you're on that pink cloud, welcome to your spiritual awakening, and you can ride that as long as you want, so long as you stay spiritually fit. And, boy, the process of coming to believe. Now that was a real hard one, you know, because it was a process. You know, I had to start with just the very basic idea of what God was, however inadequate it was. You know my first thought was just okay you know what I exist. You know life itself and that's where I started. Just that, you know, just that simple. You know, I was able to believe in like, you know, just the fact that, you know I live and breathe. That's got to be a miracle in itself. So I used that, you know as small as that was and of course it's changed since. But, you know, the more I the more I just, you know let go of what I thought because that's really what had to change. What had to change was my thinking You know, I relied too much upon my own reasoning, my own thinking. And I had to just start believing in faith, you know, living by spiritual means. Because I was the only thing blocking myself from God. It wasn't, you Know, the outside world. It was my own calamities inside of me that kept me blocked. Because, you Now, Bill talks about the great reality found deep within us. And for me, that's where God was found. It was when I took a good look inside me, you know, that's where he was found. You know, I had a clean path, but it wasn't that hard. He didn't make too hard of terms for me. You know all I had to do is have the willingness to believe and that was the start, you know, but the process of going through that willingness, you know, and maintaining that willingness till the point to where I was finally convinced that, you know, God was going to be everything. And that's the reality for me today is God is everything. And with that, am I good? I can't see the clock from here. That's either God is or God isn't. It's, you Know, that's second stop. But, you know, it can't restore you to sanity unless you believe. You know, nothing really works unless you Believe in it. With that, thank you. Thank you for letting me share. Thank you. I've come to believe we've made up some time. All right. Thank you, Dominic. That was great. All right, once again, I don't know if I mentioned, but we have a 50-50. Great deal on tickets. They're about 100 pennies each. Yeah. We'll go ahead and go with step three. And if you want to buy the tickets for the raffle, they're right over here, just to let you know. We will be raffling off a basket during the morning break at approximately 1035, depending on how this goes. So without much further ado, Mr. John C., step three. Good morning, everybody. I'm John C., and I am an alcoholic. And I have to say that it's great to see faces from different groups here all together for one cause. It does my heart good. I don't do enough, I realized this morning, in fellowship in this area. I kind of stick with my groups, but it's great to see everybody together. And, yeah. So step three tells me that I'm the problem. And that was hard for me because for so long, I mean, I would tell you I was the problem, but really in my heart I knew it was this guy or that guy, and that justified why I drank and why I did what I did. But I have to say that in taking step three, it really became the cornerstone for my program. And many times throughout the day, you know, I've shortened that third-step prayer to just simply your will, not mine. And many time, that removes the fear, you know, because I entered into a contract with God. And I did that because no matter how hard I tried, my show never came off very well. You know, I was self-will run riot personified. You know the book talks about a collision course that myself will put me on with other people. And even if my intentions started out good, if the motivation was out of selfishness or fear or jealousy or any of those character defects that I had so many of, even if things turned out well, even if I had everything, even if, you know, I had the house or the car or the job, I still never felt satisfied. I think that's the word. I never had any peace or any serenity because it's almost like it was attained through ill-gotten means because my motivations weren't just right. And invariably, to get there, I had to step on somebody. And, you know, my selfishness makes – when I'm selfish, it makes anything possible. I'm capable of literally anything, you now. I'm able of bad-mouthing another employee to get a job. I'm abble of stealing money from people who did nothing but work hard all their lives. I'm capable of – I'm not swinging the hammer. I'm just telling, you know, the story here. I'm able to do things that I want to do. I'm also capable of thinking it's okay to pick up my sons when, you know, I've had a few too many or ten too many. So again, I'm the problem when I'm in self-will. But the good news is, is that God's a solution. And when I turn it over to him, I get unaccountable or uncountable amounts of blessings. Because I found that I was all the time would get grace or mercy. The things I really didn't deserve or earn, but just through God's grace and mercy, he saw me through to another day even though I did nothing to earn that. But when I turn my will over and I let him take care of the big stuff and I just do the next right thing, I start seeing blessings. And I have to tell you, for this guy, the blessings have been beyond my wildest dreams. I have relationships with my family. I have relationships with my sons who are out watching WWE on their cell phones in my car. I have a car. My kids have cell phones. But it's not a game show. You know what I mean? I didn't win these prizes. It's not prizes. It goes so much deeper than that because I got out of the way and I got some relief, you know, relief of the bondage that I placed myself in. And I just have to also say that until I realized I was the problem, I was an expert at pointing out everybody else's character defects. I could list them ad nauseum for everybody. But when I turned it inside, and I don't want to get into the four-step here too much, but, you know, it was a great moment for me, put it that way. So I have here the third step questions that were asked of the first 100 in this fellowship. And the great thing about doing this step for me is that I get a chance to do a third step today. And I hope that you'll all participate with me in your minds as I go through these questions. And I'm going to expand a little bit on them as I know kind of what my thoughts are as I'm answering these questions, but I hope you'll take this opportunity to do a third step today and really turn it over again and get that relief. The first question was, are you convinced about steps one and two? Well, it didn't take a lot for me to realize that my life was unmanageable, the second part of the first step, because there wasn't one thing that was manageable. Those of you that have heard my story before know that the post office stopped delivering mail to my house because the mailbox had become so full. I mean, that's their one sole thing in life. That's what they live for. And they said, we're just going to skip that house. And you know it killed the guy. You know it kill them. And then when I saw the unmanageability, then I realized that I really was powerless when I started looking at all the things I had done to stop. and there's a lot of things I had done and a lot of the insane drinking before big events the self-sabotaging, all that so if I realize I'm powerless, that takes me to step two and if I'm powerless then obviously something has to have power so step two was kind of easy for me and I realized that alcohol had really been my higher power for a long time And it served me well initially, but for a very long time, at the end of the day, it took everything from me. The second question, are you convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success? No matter what I got, no matter what I did in self-will, I never spent one second grateful for it. It was always next thing, what can I get next? Or he's got more, or she said this. I was never grateful. You know, I could have a great meal in a great restaurant and they'd say, did you like it? I'd go, eh, nothing was ever good enough for me. And that's because there was a hole in my soul that I couldn't fill, that nothing from outside could fill. I had to fill it myself because again, I'm the problem. The third question is are you convinced that your troubles are basically of your own making and that they arise out of you and that you are an extreme example of self-will run riot? Again, everything in my life is on fire when I try to run it. There's no peace. There's not serenity. I'm on a collision course with the entire world, and it usually, and it always ends badly. Are you convinced that you must be rid of this selfishness? That's where my last day, my last drunk initially came in handy for me. Because if you'd have told me ten years before that, that I would ever be that guy? I just said, no way. I'll bet anything. I would never be that guy. And all of a sudden, when – I like the first two words of the second step, came to. When I came to and I got out of the fog and things started catching up with me and I started realizing it, I didn't have any way to drown out the memories or to justify what I had done, you know, that – I realized that it was my own selfishness that put me where I'm at. And the fifth question is are you convinced that your selfishness is killing you? I know I wanted to die. I know that all the years of taking, and taking, and taking left me with a very low opinion of myself. I made up for it in ego though. Sixth question is are you convinced that there is often no way of entirely getting rid of self without a higher power's aid? Now, honestly, when I read this question and I think about the first time I went through the third step, I don't know that I was convinced. But I know that was desperate. I know I didn't have the answer anymore. And I knew that I'm the problem. of all the things that were going on in my life and none of them were good, there was a common denominator and that was John C. I tried everything else and I literally came to the point where I had nothing to lose. Are you convinced, question seven, are you convinced that you have to quit playing the role of a higher power that it never worked? Let's just say, as a director, I wasn't Martin Scorsese. It's probably more of one of those movies that go direct-to-video that you watch it and you go, well, there's two hours I'll never get back. Gigli with Ben Affleck comes to mind immediately. Sorry, Vanna, if you're out there. Question eight, are you convinced that a higher power is going to be your director, father, and employer? This is where it gets good for me because I was convinced. And I love the idea. And we're going to close with the third step prayer today. But I love that prayer, the relief of bondage of self. And, you know, I had taken on so much responsibility in my life for everything, for everyone. I mean, nobody asked me to. I just took it because it had to be my way. That I was exhausted. I was exhausted living a double and triple and sometimes quadruple life. I was so tired of it that I couldn't, I mean, I hate to say it, but it's almost like I was like, yeah, you take it for a while, you know? And that's where we come to a funny point with turning it over. And maybe not funny, maybe interesting. Some people differ on this. I've talked to a lot of people about it. And some people take their will back when things are good. They want to, when things start going good, they want to say, all right, God, I've done all this and you were there when things were bad, but that's fine. For me, what I do is it's easy for me when things are going good to give a nod upstairs and say, really, bro? Really, you're going to give this to me, to this guy? I call my higher power bro. I don't know if that's my concept. but when things get tough, that's when I want to take them out of the bus. I said my bus one time, and Bill O called me out on that. Whose bus is it? I want a ticket. I want you to take God out of your bus, and I want us to start driving again because I know better and I know it works for me. And my higher power is funny. He will give me the exact amount of pain back that I want by taking my own will back. You know, if I take my will back at my job, he'll give me problems with my boss. If I take My Will Back with my ex, I'll have problems in that area. You know? It's just amazing how quick it happens. And it just depends on how much pain I want to take for how many days I want I want to take it, and then eventually, inevitably, because of you and because of this program, I end up saying, oh, yeah, you're right. I'll turn it over. And as soon as I turn itover, maybe make an amends. Who knew? Not to skip ahead. Do an inventory, make anamends. I'll quickly get back in the center of the boat. Where was I now? Okay. Okay, question 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Question 10, are you convinced that you have thought well about taking this step? We didn't do nine? Are you convinced at a higher power is going to be your director, principal, father and employer? Okay, who's an accountant in the room? Lee, can you help us out here? All right, anyway, okay, it's J. That's why I'm getting confused because they're lettered. They're not numbered. Are you? Okay, question one. We'll start again. That's right. All right. Are you convinced that you have thought well about taking this step? And this is where my sponsor told me to, you know, after we did it, read the prayer again before you go to bed. Sleep on it. Wake up in the morning and do the prayer because this is, like I said, this is the cornerstone, man. You're entering a contract. And entering a contact, particularly when you're not an alcoholic, means something. You know, it means I have responsibilities now. And that responsibility is to every day turn it over and live in his will. And God has all the rest. I really have the easy part. You know? All I have to do is the next right thing. And the next great thing, by the way, is two things. It's kind of what your heart says. We all know. We all when you can go either way. we all know what the right thing is, or I always likened it to what would make my grandmother proud of me. You know? Aw. And then the last question that they asked was are you convinced that you can at last abandon yourself utterly to a higher power. Utterly is a strong word, but I know when I do it utterly, I walk through days and I have a smile on my face and people are genuinely glad to see me and I don't think about what I can take from a situation but what I kann bring to a situation and it frames me in a place where I can be of maximum service to others And that is really where, to me, that's heaven. That's heaven on earth for me. And if you do the third step, I'm going to read the third-step promises. These are the first set of promises that touched me. And when I'm living the steps and when I'M working with others and carrying the message, If you're new to this, I can honestly say, and I haven't encountered anybody that has said, well, that promise never came true to me if I was working or true for me if I was work in the program. It's on page 63, first paragraph. When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer being all powerful. He provided what we needed if we kept him close and performed his work well. That's my part of the contract. Established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more, we become interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. Not what can I take, but what can i bring? As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, As we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of his presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter. My favorite line in the book, we were reborn. And out of that sense of desperateness, that sense of hopelessness, incomprehensible demoralization, who needs to be more reborn than the alcoholic? And we get it. We get it with these steps. And we get it and turn it over. And by doing that, I get more peace of mind today. I get out of my way and I let God take over. I have acceptance today for the outcomes. Acceptance was a word that you might have been speaking Martian to me because I could never accept any of the outcomes And I know that when things don't, it's not the end of the world. If something today doesn't go my way, and even that, what does even that mean, doesn't going my way? Maybe it didn't go away today, but maybe a year from now I realize, oh, that didn't got my way because of this, you know? So, you know, the outcomes of things are when I'm doing the program, I can accept the outcome as God's will. And now I'd like to close with the third step prayer. God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do as thou wilt Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, thy way of life. May I do thy well always. Amen. Thank you. thank you for listening i hope you enjoyed the podcast sober cast is ad free and we'd like your help in order to keep it that way so if you'd like to help us be self-supporting by pledging a dollar to a month visit sobercast.com and look for the donate links thank you very much