Tom B. at the Let Go and Let God Workshop – 2020

Okay, I'm Tom Brady Jr. I'm an alcoholic. Many of you I know and some of you don't know yet, but I hope to get to know you before you leave here. I've been doing yard work all morning and I'm whipped, so I don't really know how well this whole thing is going to come off today, but it's one of my favorite subjects. We're talking today about what I consider to be the basic principle of problem solving and the basic principle of human relations in terms of the program of recovery that you're in now. You have heard people say, let go and let God without giving you any explanation whatsoever and you're wondering, well, what is it that they mean? You've heard some of us say, live and let live over and over and you ask yourself, what's he talking about? I'm going to try to help you to see today what these two slogans or maxims that you hear around the program mean and try to give you some very simple ways to carry these things out, to practice them in your daily life. The basic principle of problem solving that I'm talking about is let go and let God. The basic principal of human relations, of course, is live and let live. And two things, it seems to me, determine our actions and our reactions more than anything else. And the first is a thing that you'll hear me talk about many, many times when I come out here to do classes. And I want to make sure that you understand what it means. And I talk about it a lot because I consider it very important. And that's this thing called perception. I think that you know what perception is, but let me ask you. Dave, what is it? Perception. No. Anybody? Understanding is one thing. The way that you see things? Very good. I like Flip Wilson's Geraldine character and her definition of perception. She didn't even know she was defining it, but she remembered Geraldine and she was quite a gal. And Geraldine always was saying what you see is what you get and that's perception. Now that was very funny the way that Geraldine put it. Look at your own life as an alcoholic or a drug addicted person. Ask yourself today as we go through this the depth that you were affected by the way that you saw things. The ways in which you were affected by what you saw. When you looked at people, when you looked at the world, when you look at yourself, what did you see? What do you see today? Because what you see is going to determine the way that you act and react. Think about it for a minute. If any person in here approaches me and he looks like he's a threat to me, or I see him as a threat, what's going to happen? I'm going to get ready for the threat to come. If, however, I'm looking at that same person through different eyes and perception can be changed, I'll see not a threat but an opportunity. The same thing with problems. If I perceive a problem as insoluble, then it is. I'll make sure that it is I'll work on it and I'll work on until it becomes insoluable That's the way I am, that's the alcoholics are But if I see a problem as having a solution and turn my mind or look in the direction of solution then the problem is going to be solved it is going to be solved. It makes no difference if it's a mathematical problem, a problem in physics, a problem with philosophy, a problem within the world, a problem of living, or if you will, a drinking problem. I'd lay odds that most of you in here have said to yourself one time or the other during your drinking career, what's the use? I'm never going to get sober. This thing will never work for me. Might as well go get me another drink. And you do. If you see your problem as insoluble, it is insoluable. If you say the world is a threatening, dark, ugly place, then it is a threatening, black, ugly face. And if you see the people in it as enemies, then for all intents and purposes, they are. Even when they try to be our friends, we will not let them because we're afraid of being hurt. They're enemies. Think about it. Perceptions are inside and outside. Inside and outside, the way that I see within is perception. The way that i see without is perception there's no limit to it. the other thing that I think determines our actions and reactions more than anything else is feelings and we don't often talk about feelings feelings are responses to inner and outer perceptions feelings are responsive, that's all they are everybody has feelings feelings can be positive or feelings can be negative. Again, depending not on what or who you see but on how you see it. How you see is going to determine how you feel about it. And how you feeling about it is going determine how you act or react to it. Is it not? Feelings. Okay, positive feelings draw us closer to whatever it is that we're responding to. And negative feelings push us back from it or cause us to fight it. Let me draw you some more of my circles up here. It's a stimulus-response kind of thing. This person out here does this to me. I see it in a certain way. I feel about it in certain way, and I react in a sort of way. Stimulus response, stimulus response. There's a perception, there's a feeling, there is a response. Every time. Positive feelings, I react positively. Negative feelings, I do not react positively Now if there's one thing that I believe that alcoholics and drug addicted people are it is probably people who have ten times the capacity for feeling of a normal human being We are ultra sensitive human beings Not just sensitive Ultra sensitive And our feelings, therefore, play a big part in our lives. Look at your past. How have you dealt with your feelings? They can be dealt with constructively. The average, quote, normal, end of quote, human being has found normal ways to deal with his feelings. If he gets mad, he has a way to deal it. If he get sad, he had the way to do with it. And it's a constructive way. Nothing is lost. There's also a destructive way to deal with your feelings. You don't find an outlet. You shove them down inside yourself. You repress them. And they drive you. They're going to express themselves some way. And these internalized feelings in the alcoholic and drug-addicted person are what makes them go. They're the motor, if you will. And they're like a bomb just waiting to explode. How many times have you had the experience of denying you were mad when you were? Denying you were afraid when you weren't? And then you'd go home one night and you've repressed all those feelings and your child does one thing wrong and you're screaming at him. and every bit of that feeling comes out at that poor kid and he's probably done next to nothing, they will find an outlet. The outlet normally taken by people like you and me is we get drunk. We get drunk and that's our outlet for our feelings and when we do get drunk, don't we change? Don't people say we're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde we change into something we normally are not well I disagree with that we are what we change into it's all those feelings and they begin to express themselves and they're ugly and they come out under boot how many times have you got drunk at your wife how many time you got drunk at your boss yeah we react and we feel and we feel deeply but we don't seem to know how to deal with the feelings when they come especially the negative ones funny thing about it is in the book Alcoholics Anonymous says and I believe it that feelings determine the course of our existence that's a lot isn't it feelings determine the course of our existence they drive us You and I, when we have a bad feeling We don't want to admit it We deny it We try to justify it We rationalize about it We project and say someone else has that feeling Not me We repress them We shove them down and we pretend to be something that we're not. It's dishonest. And as long as we're pretending not to have feelings or to be above normal feelings that other people have, we're phony as hell. I know since sobriety I've been to meetings and people would look at me and say, Tom, you look down, are you depressed? Hell no! Are you mad? No. Why is it? Isn't it because these negative, ugly, dirty feelings don't fit the image that we have of ourselves? Huh? Isn't that it? We have this ideal image and all these things don't fits. And we deny that we are these things. Alcoholics are loaded with negative feelings I don't care if you like that statement or not I am an alcoholic I know I still get loaded up with them Anger Fear Despair Self-pity That's a goodie Self-pit is based on Kind of internal perception Guilt A persistent feeling of being wrong You see yourself as wrong Over and over and over And no matter how much right you do You still feel you're wrong Remorse You're mad at yourself You don't measure up You can't cut it Inward perception You're looking in and you're seeing something That you don't like and you won't accept Frustration And what I call the king Self-hate some of you sitting in this room today hate your guts and don't even know it those of you who hate your gut and do know it are far ahead of the others because they haven't yet admitted that self-hate is a part of them self-hatred is a heart of the life of every idealist self-heat is a pride of the light of every person who wants to be perfect and is not it's the inevitable result take a close look at it it'll kick now since all these things are suppressed we can't deal with them can we we can'y deal with the negative feeling as a matter of fact after a while we become unconscious that we've even got that feeling we have blocked it completely out as we were talking the other day a couple of us Doug and Dave the feelings are blocked off in that mental process up there we're not aware of them anymore We don't think they have anything to do with the way that we're living, and they have everything to do with the ways that we live. Now if we want to deal with these negative feelings first, we've got to uncover them. We've got find them. Become aware of them. Name them. Why you say name them? There's an ancient spiritual tradition called naming the demon. And once you call the demon what he is You got power over him It's like when the carpenter was on the lake And he saw that nut running naked with the pigs up on the hill, you know He didn't say, hey man, how come you're running with them pigs? What did he say? He said, what's your name? And the evil within him said, legion And he said, get out What do we say when we go to a meeting? My name is so-and-so, and I am an alcoholic. We named the demon. What does a doctor do when we walk into his office and we've got something wrong and we don't know what it is? He makes a diagnosis, doesn't he? He names the demon, and then he treats it. We have got to look inside ourselves, pull out these feelings, name them, and if they're no good, get rid of them. That's what an inventory is all about. That's a big part of it. Admitting to yourself that you've got these feelings, putting a name on them and getting rid of them. We've got to learn to deal with the negative feelings and we have got to see things in a different way. We have got change our perceptions if we're going to act and react any differently than we always have. This must happen. I invite you to look at the twelfth step of the program of recovery in which you're involved. And what it promises in that twelfths step is a spiritual awakening, which I submit to you is a change in perception. We learn to see things in a different way. Therefore, we feel differently and we act and react differently. Now let's get down to the core of the problem. The problem is this. Most of us have developed a deadly habit Every problem that comes into our lives We concentrate on that problem We think about that problem Until the problem overcomes us We give all of our attention to the problem I've told some of you before When I was over in Japan Right after the Korean War I was broke one night And I was always broke And I was in a sacky house with this old papa's son, and he was buying the sacky. And as long as he was buyin' the sackie, you know, I was doin' what he wanted me to do. Grinnin' and drinkin', you know? And he reached over in his little dish, and He pulled out a strip of somethin' that I had never seen before, and He offered it to me with a smile on His face and bowing, and I took it and smiled, and I put it in my mouth. And I started chewin'. It was squid or octopus, okay? Now, there's one thing about squid and octopus. but the more you chew, the bigger it gets. And I had to look like I was enjoying it because he was buying the booze, see? So I sat there chewing on it and it got bigger and bigger and he'd hand me another piece and I'd chew it and they'd get bigger. After a while my cheeks were sticking out and that must have looked kind of good to him, you know, and I excused myself and went outside and spit up octopus and came back in and got some more. The point is this. Aren't we that way many times with our problems? don't we chew on our problems until they get bigger and bigger and bigger and we couldn't swallow them if we wanted to we couldn' t see a solution if it walked in the door that seems to be a principle of the way that we live get that problem wipe it out now we alcoholics now these problems are going to kill us They become overwhelming because they take every bit of our attention. They dominate our whole life. I had a friend up in Burlington. An old guy got mad at a man one time. Came home, walked in. Didn't walk in, stormed in. Slammed the door so hard it came off the hinges. Cussed his wife, cussed His daughter. Went to bed, couldn't sleep. 4.30 in the morning he's tossing, turning, cutting Cussing himself for what he'd done Cussin' that other guy for making him so mad And a thought occurred to him He said You know I'm layin' over here can't sleep and I hurt my wife broke my door down hurt my daughter and he's over in the bed asleep ain't botherin' him a bit Who was the problem bothering? Huh? Who couldn't handle his anger? Huh? It's like we alcoholics say to the people who bother us I'll show you, I'll kill me I'll worry about it till it kills me I'll get tense and nervous And I'll face the floor And I'II figure out a way to get you If it's the last thing that I ever do I'll shoot you I spent a lot of time doing that The point I'm trying to make is this Any problem that we concentrate on that much takes up every mental, physical, spiritual resource that we have. There is no time for anything else. Concentrating on something else is impossible because it's got you. When we're that mad at other people, other people dominate us. Now It's like Here am I Okay I can't draw a leg But here am I Okay And here's some strings up here And here am i And I'm a puppet on a string And a man comes to me And he tries to make me mad And I get mad He has pulled my string I'm just like a puppy I'm reacting not the way I want to, not the way I think I should I'm acting the way that the person that I'm mad at wants me to react He is very effectively in control of my life Am I coming across with that? Very effectively in control of your life The people that I hate dominate me The things of which I'm afraid dominate me me. And that's no joke. They act and we react. There's a thing that psychologists call, and I know one's been down here today because I saw a word up there, labile, and nobody but shrink would use that word. Nobody would dare. But they've got a thing called a locus of control. Now, in a regular human being the locus of control is inside. He chooses how he will act, react, what he will do and what he will not do. When we find ourselves in a situation where we're dominated by a person or a problem, the locus OF control is no longer inside. The locus Of control is on the other end of these strings and that is not healthy. We're in control of these other people. Mideast religion calls this action-reaction cycle karma. If you get into the Bible, the Bible refers to it as some kind of retribution. At any rate, it is a vicious circle and it does not end until your feelings, your perception and your reactions change. And then you get off the wheel of karma if you want to put it that way. Now as long as I'm trying to solve a problem I very effectively cut myself off from the higher power. The higher power in which I believe and whom I trust and with whom I have daily conversation is a very polite power. As long as I am trying to do things my way, he lets me. And when I've had it up to here and I'm tired and I ask his help, he helps me. But he's very polite. And what I'm saying is this. As long als I am in control, he's perfectly content, Jack, to let me be in control. He will not interfere. He respects me and he loves me, and I believe that. So I cut myself off by my reaction to other people and the problem. Let me give you a quote from a man who's a favorite of mine, a man named Emmett Fox. And here's the quote. Fox says, With any problem, it is the reception you give it mentally and the attitude you take toward it that completely determine its effect on you. One more time. With any problem, it is the reception you give it mentally and the gratitude you take towards it that completely determines its effect on you." We could almost say the effect of any problem that comes to us is fully determined by our perception and our feelings. good to me. It's a prayer of praise possible. Another friend of mine that I admire very much, a guy in California, says over and over, it's not what happens to us in this life that matters, it's our reaction to it that makes the difference. It's not what happens in this life that matters, it's how we react to it that makes a difference. Now if our perception determines our feelings and our feelings determine our actions, and these things have brought us to crisis after crisis after crisis. We have become alcoholics who can't quit and we can't drink. We can't do what we want to do and we're always doing what we don't want to do. Then it would behoove us to change our perceptions, would it not? And our feelings and our actions. Sounds easy, doesn't it? If my perception is off, I've got to change it. If my thinking is off, I've got to change it. My reactions change them. What I've got to do more than anything else is to stop letting problems dominate me. To stop being a puppet. To regain the locus of control within myself. I was shooting pool with Dave the other night. Dave's a good pool shooter. I used to be very good when I was a kid and I shot in Doc's pool room in Raleigh, North Carolina around on Wilmington Street. Up over Green's Restaurant. 14, 15 years old. No, Doc was a nice little man. He always let me practice on the back table for free. And after a while I got to shoot and put in the pool so good that Doc would back me in money games. And if I lost, he'd take the loss. And ifI won, I got the winnings. Doc really cared for me. One of the nicest men I've ever known. And I did well. He'd also tell me when a hustler would come around and keep me out of the game. the one guy that came in that pool room old Jeff now Jeff couldn't shoot a lick of pool Jeff ran back and wham you know and I couldn't beat Jeff to save my life Jeff couldn'T shoot but he played the best psychological game of pool you ever saw in your life the best just when you're starting to stroke Let his shadow fall right across the line where you were shooting, you know Walk up to the corner you were shootin' at Put that chalk on the stick, you kno And squeak it Just at the right time We're reachin' this hip pocket And pull out that ever-present bottle of liquor And turn it up, you kno And take a drink And snort Or blow his nose He'd do anything to throw ya off And I concentrated on that And I was gonna beat him But it's the last thing I ever did And I never did until one day God got me aside and said, Tom, you have got to be in control of your own game. He can't touch you as a pool shooter but he's beating you every time because you're letting him control what you do. He said, now from now on pay attention to what you're doing. Don't fight with old Jeff just shoot and I did and Jeff never beat me again as a matter of fact I got to the point where old Jeff would be aiming and I'd walk around squeaking my chalk you know and throw my shadow across the table played his own game with him not in anger you see I learned the secret play your own game maintain control of your own action your own reaction. That's what living is all about. God gave us this ability and we give it away. We're trying so hard to control the world that we're being controlled. Haven't got a control but one thing, me. Some great spiritual teachers have said the following and I'm just going to lay it on you. One of them said that reaction is the supreme art of life. Another one said, resist not evil, turn the other cheek. Man, that's weird, isn't it? Resist not evil. Turn the other cheeks. Another said, when you free your enemy, you free yourself. The same one. The Buddha said, hatred ceases not with hatred. Free your enemy, free yourself. And again, my friend, because I want you to remember this, it's not what happens to us in this life that matters. It's our reaction to it that makes the difference. Let's look at a solution now. Let's get down to some nitty gritty. I'm going to take the weirdest of those statements and start with it. resist not evil turn the other cheek I'm going to use those two principles we've got to have an inner change okay an inner chance and the 12 step program is designed specifically to bring about an inner thing that's what it's all about to clean me out shake me up darken me in another direction change me totally now we're going to change ourselves through practicing some new principles one of those principles is the basic principle of good relationship the basic principal of problem solving basic principle approving solve problem solving let go and let god another way to say that would be built resist not evil but that's another way of saying it change your thinking and I'd like to remind you when you're trying to practice this principle it will take more than faith faith is very nice everybody has it but it's given it's like the book of James says in the Bible you say you believe and I'm paraphrasing him big deal so does the devil faith's not enough what we've got to get down to is trust What we've got to get down to before we get down to trust, Red, is taking a chance. Being willing to take a chance that this thing just might work. Good. That's what I'm talking about. Raw intestinal fortitude. It just might works. It just may work because I've seen it working so-and-so and so-an-so and so and so. And therefore, I'm willing to try. I ain't going to throw my whole body into this thing, mind you. I'm going to stick a toe in and get it wet and if that works, I'll stick my whole foot in. That's all right. That's alright. Let go and let God. Here's a way to do it. Here's one way to do it, don't concentrate on a problem when it arises. Don't fight it. Don't fight it, turn your thoughts immediately to the solution. How do you do that. I'll tell you how I do it. When a problem arises and I turn my thoughts to a solution, I simply say to myself over and over and over in some positive phrase within myself. With me, it's the first line of the 23rd song. When A Big Problem Hits. My normal tendency as an alcoholic person is to grab that problem, but I'm learning not to do that. Instead, I turn to a solution and I repeat to myself, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. And I repeat it over and over and over until the problem doesn't seem so big, until I feel better about it, until it's not got that hold on. Okay, the third thing to do in this process is to know that a solution is coming. Not think, not wish, not even believe, but know that a solution has come. I was on a call the other night and the guy was pretty shook. And he said he'd been praying a lot. I said, quit praying a life. When you go to bed tonight, I want you to say two things. I want you to thank God for keeping you sober today and thank God for giving you all the help that you need to stay sober the rest of your life. Thank him for it. Know that a solution is coming. That has to do with perception, doesn't it? You expect a solution. What we expect is what we get. That's another way of saying it. Norman Vincent Peale says think positively okay he's got a point expect the good and the good will happen expect the bad and the bad will happen I don't know how many of you have gone through whole days praying over and over and over God don't let me drink don't leave me drink don't live me drink don't love me drinking, huh? And your total thought, your total mind, Buck, was on drinking. And you did. You drank. Then you wondered why God let you down. Because you concentrate. What you concentrate on is what's going to come to pass. Like Job said, lo, that which I much feared has come upon me. If you fear something long enough, it'll come. Concentrate on it. That's the power of the mind. We can bring things to pass. Why then can't we bring good things to pass? That's what I'm talking about. Fourth step in this process, if the problem is a person, concentrate on the good in him. Pray for it. Concentrate on the good in Him. Somebody's really bugging you, Jack. Really bugging You. Find something good about that person. It may be nothing, but he's got on a nice looking suit. It may mean nothing, but his eyes are good. It may be nothing but he's tall and he looks kind. It may not be it may be nothing except well, there's got to be something good about the son of a bitch. And when you find something like that hold on to it. You know? Concentrate on the good in that person. So help me if you do the good will come out. It never fails. In the last part of this process always Do something good for somebody Do something nice for somebody Here's the process Let go and let God This is the first one Don't concentrate on the problem Turn your thoughts to the solution Recite some positive line if you will Know that the solution is coming If it's a person Concentrate on the good in him And finally Do something great Do something for somebody That doesn't mean have to save any souls, folks. That means you're nice and kind to people. You say hello. You care for them. You put forth all your effort to help somebody in little ways to do something. And that's key. Second way to let go and let God. And you'll do it while you're here at the center. Step one, step two, and step three are a total process of Letting go and letting God. Think about it. Total process of letting go and letting God, step one, two, and three. There's another way to do it. Think positive good thoughts. Make a habit of it. Thinking positive good thoughts. Example. Some people will drive me up a tree sometimes. Say, how you doing? Well, I've only been in the program six months, I'm still sick. Now there's another way they could say that, really. They could say, I've been in the program six month and I'm getting well. It all depends on how you look at it. Are you still sick or are you getting well? It's your choice. And it's Totally your choice. And I choose to look at it as getting well. Okay. Live and let live. The basic principle of good human relations, I've said. The basis of this whole thing is turn the other cheek. Turn the other chick. There's been a lot of absurd arguments about turning the other check. It's a physical thing. you just don't do that. Oh, I could never do that." He wasn't talking about that. He was talking about states of being. When he was talking about turning the other cheek, he was saying when somebody was talking about do not react in the expected way. When somebody tries to make you mad, don't get mad. When somebody tries to make you fearful, don't react fearfully. Turn the other cheek. Do not react in the expectant way. When a man takes your coat, give him your cloak. Didn't he say that? He wants you to go with him one mile, go with them two. Then you can catch somebody off base. Think about it. They come in, they're angry, they're cussing you and you look at them and smile. You take every bit of the steam out of what they're doing. It is not easy. But if you're in control of your own actions and reactions, you sure can help other people. Let your reactions come from within Remember this, and I believe this. In dealing with people, please keep this in mind. We alcoholics do not have a lock on obsessions of the mind and sensitivity and compulsion and anger and fear. We do not Have a Lock on these things. Other people have these problems. And what I want you to remember is this. Most people act the way they act because they have to, not because they want to. Do you hear me? Most people acts the way the act because the have to not because the want to any more than we wanted to get drunk and get locked up. Give the other person the same grace that you give yourself when you're trying to deal with them. don't react in the expected way do something good for somebody let me give you an example of that at the college where i work there's an old secretary up there she happens to be the secretary of a vice president who was my vice president and you know how these old secretaries are they tend to take over the place okay now she was a nice enough lady but she just didn't like me, no way. And any way she could find to give me trouble, she did. People would call me on the phone. She would know where I was and she'd tell them I wasn't there. Well, where is he? Well, I ain't seen him in two days. And I just talked to her ten minutes before. I mean, she'd do this. Go out of her way to get me in trouble. Now, This woman infuriated me. She really did. My sponsor always gave me these crazy things to do. He said, pray for the woman. I said, what the hell are you saying? He said do something nice for her. I said I don't even like her. What do you want me to do something Nice for her? But I did. Do you know? She didn't change herself a bit. She kept on trying to trip me up every way she could, but I started carrying her flowers every morning. I'd pick one and carry it to her. I'd carry a candy bar. When I was going somewhere to get a drink, I'd bring her one back. In every way I could, I tried to be nice to that lady, and she wasn't being nice to me at all. But the net result was I felt a lot better, and he wasn't making me mad anymore. And after she got the idea that she wasn'T making me man anymore, you know what she did? Did you quit trying to trip me up? Give some serious thought to it. Returning good for evil, that's another weird thing, isn't it? You don't do it because the person deserves the good. You do it porque você vai mudar se você fizer. And internal change is the name of the game. You're not trying to change him. You're trying to changing you. Second way to let go and let God, free the other person and you'll free yourself. Release him. Let him be. Let him go. Accept him just like he is or if you will, forgive him. Remember that the only way for the attachment to be broken is for the jailer to let the prisoner out of prison because as long as the jailor has got a prisoner in prison he's just as much a prisoner as the prisoner is, isn't he? until the prisoner goes home the jailer can't go home can he there's two ways to treat him free the other person you'll free yourself remember that you are attached to the person that you resent or hate or are afraid of I hope I've made that clear he's got hold of those strings and when he pulls them you move keep in mind one thing now if this turns you off I'm sorry but I'm going to say it anyway. That this world is all one piece. There's one Father and there's one set of kids. That we are indeed in the deepest sense children of the same Father and therefore brothers and sisters and therefore in the deepest sense whatever I do to you, I do for you. Whatever I do, I do me. Think about it the next time you say the Lord's prayer. First two words, look at them. Think about them. They're absolutely true. Again, do something good to somebody. Never forget that. The third way to live and let live. Look in your big book, page 66 and 67. It says we realize that these people who harmed us were perhaps spiritually sick and we try to treat them just like we would treat a sick friend, with kindness, understanding, tolerance, and love. Now note, when your friend is sick and you go to the hospital to see him, do you try to fix him? Not your job, is it? What you try for him to do is to care for him and understand him and make him feel better. In our reactions with the people who are sick, and they're sick in a way that disturbs us, Try understanding, tolerance, kindness, and love. Try it. See if it doesn't work. Fourth way. Anybody at whom you're angry or of whom you are afraid, pray for him. And pray for them until you're no longer angry at him. Now that sounds absurd. But I'm going to tell you, it works. Pray for them. Pray for him until you are not mad at him anymore. It's awful hard to pray for somebody and remain mad at them. It's awful hard to hold a good thought and a bad thought about the same person at the same time. This is what I'm getting at. Hold a good thoughts for him. It's like a friend of mine out in the group. He was so angry when he came to Alcoholics Anonymous. He didn't carry one gun, he carried two. And his left pocket, front pocket was always full of cartridges. Just the truth. And there's one man he particularly didn't like and he was going to kill him. He was just waiting his time. You know? And he went to his sponsor, and this guy was driving him crazy. He hated him so much, you know? Go kill him. Just waiting his times. Sponsor said, go home and pray for him. Ain't no way. He said, okay, then stay sick. A few weeks later, he went back to his pastor. Said, what did you say to do? He said I said go home, pray for them. He said all right. And he said, I'm going to go home. And he came home, and he prayed the fallen prayer. Please excuse my language, but this is his story. he got down on his knees and very reverently said to God as he understood it God if you've got a mind to bless that son of a bitch I won't object and you see that's the way it started he was sincere you know he was sincerer with it okay he no longer carried the cartridges he went down to one gun then he put that away he no more he no long hates that guy everything is working out in his life He's one of the most gentle human beings you ever saw. And to this day, he can tell that story as funny as it sounds, and he'll cry like a baby because it meant so much to him to find that out, that it really would work. And he thought we all were crazy when we were telling him that. It worked. Pray for that person. Continue praying for him when any bad feeling about him arises and do good things for him every chance you get. The fifth way, and this is a good one, to let go or live and let live. Talk it over with somebody when you're mad at somebody. I don't mean Chuck and John. I mean talk it over. I mean tell it like it is and get it all out. Stop pretending. Again, help somebody. Do something good for somebody. Every one of us, an element in all of these ways is doing something good for somebody else. money. The last way is in the big book, page 84, under step 10. It says when dishonesty, selfishness, resentment and fear arise, we ask God that wants to remove them. We talk them over with someone immediately. We make amends if we have harmed anyone and we resolutely turn our thoughts to somebody we can help. There it is again. Okay. The net result of all these things is this. When you turn the other cheek, you cut a string. When you quit fighting the evil thing or the problem, you've got a strength. When you look for the good in your fellow human being, no matter how much he's bugging you, you could have trained when you pray for him. You could have trained every time you do something for somebody else. You've got to train especially when you do some things for good for the person himself who is bothering you. Do you cut it straight? And what happens when the strings are because a locus of control comes right back in there where it belongs, and you're a fully functioning human being again. And the paradox is this. Only by letting others go do we receive ourselves. Only by lettng others go can we become ourselves and be ourselves. You and I, we're so caught up with resentment and fears and all these other things that we don't really have time to live. I want every one of you to have time to live the program that we're in is trying to give you life, a new way of life. I have said because I believe we're children of one father and in that big blue book that they gave you out here on page 133, I think I'm not even sure It says something like, we are sure that God wants us to be happy and joyous and free. Think about it. We are sure. Now, some of you are doubting these things already. You're saying to yourself, it will work for Tom and it might work for Buck and it may work for Jack, but it will not work for me. they just don't understand how deep my problems are. And I have a one-word response for that, which I cannot say because I'm on TV. Please, God, get rid of this idea that you're in any way different. An alcoholic is an alcoholic. As a friend of mine says, if it waddles like a duck and it quacks like a buck, it's a duck. And it's all right to be one, you know. It's getting so classy to be an alcoholic now we have a hard time keeping them out of age. You know, they just want to be a member for social reasons. Really, it's getting really glamorous to be and alcoholic. Accept yourself as you are. Change your perception. Your feelings will change. When your feelings change, your actions will change too. Get hold of yourself. That's all you got. Now, I'll tell you a story and I'll shut up. I may have told it to you already. The story about the map, did I tell you that? About the man and his little boy that played every day when he came home. And he came back and said, He came home one day, the man did, and he had a briefcase full of work and he couldn't play. And the little boy ran up and met him and said let's go play. And he'd had to think of something to get out of it for a while. And as he walked in the house he saw a map of the world laying on the table next to the door. And he picked it up and he tore it into a hundred or so pieces and handed it to the little boy and said, Go put this together and when you do we'll play. And he went in his desk congratulating himself, you know, for his brilliance and he sat down and started to do his work. About three minutes later he felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned around and there stood the kid that had the whole map put together. He said, Well, son, how'd you do that? He was amazed by it. And he said it was easy. He said what you didn't know, Dad, was on the other side of the map was a picture of a man and all I had to do was put the man back together and the whole world fell into place. That's what it's all about, man. Letting the whole man fall into place Appreciate it.