The Agnostic Experiment and the Contempt Prior to Investigation – Jessica S.

About This Speaker Tape

Peptobismol pink carpets and the smell of natural oak seeds. For Jessica S., a childhood spent in a strict Catholic home felt like a punishment, leaving her with a "contempt prior to investigation" toward anything spiritual. She spent years as a "terrible bus driver," steering her life straight into a ditch of drugs and alcohol, lying in confession while drinking in the parking lot. The turning point came in a jail cell after two DUIs, where a sudden, inexplicable release from custody broke her arrogance.

Jessica describes the shift from a rigid agnostic state to a "willingness to believe," starting with the simple bridge of believing that her sponsor believed. She recounts the humbling moment an old-timer asked if she had ever actually seen or touched her own brain—a metaphor for the invisible but present Higher Power. Now, she treats Step Three as a daily reprieve, using post-it notes and visual cues to stop being the "cruise ship director" of her own chaos.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Set-aside prayer and silent meditation
• 4:15 Jessica S. discusses her resistance to 'cult-like' talk of a Higher Power as a recovering Catholic
• 7:30 Laughter: Jessica S. describes her mother running the church like the Pope and her lying in confession
• 12:10 Jeffrey S. discusses 'contempt prior to investigation' and his agnostic state
• 16:45 Jeffrey S. describes his 'foxhole prayer' in a jail cell to avoid doing drugs with a cellmate
• 21:30 Jeffrey S.'s experience with the legal system and the 'miracle' of his release before Christmas
• 26:15 Jeffrey S.'s story about the 'bathtub baptism' in a white van in Watertown
• 31:10 Step 2 discussion: The 'brain' metaphor for believing in things you cannot see
• 36:40 Jeffrey S. discusses the 'director' mentality and the struggle with self-will
• 42:10 Jeffrey S.'s 'pause and pray' phone reminders and visual cues for a Higher Power
• 48:50 Jeffrey S.'s conflict with the DMV and the frustration of the 'Cinderella license'
• 55:10 Jessica S. shares a miracle regarding her father walking her down the aisle before his death