Tara R. at the Appalachian Roundup – 2024

About This Speaker Tape

Long Beach, Long Island. A woman with bleach-blonde hair and a $300 purse walks into a meeting while her daughter's formula stays cold via an electric cord strung to a neighbor's house. Tara R. spent 19 years "sober" but sick, performing the rituals of the rooms—cleaning ashtrays and sponsoring others—while remaining a hollow shell of self-will. She describes a spiritual malady that led her to bring a crack-smoking partner around her child and disrupt her parents' retirement.

The breaking point came as a "gift of desperation" when she stood on the edge of a total collapse. Through a friend named Val, she stopped treating the Big Book as a suggestion and started following the directions. Tara recalls a visceral mental image of being on a crashing jumbo jet; she had to jump out of the plane without a parachute, trusting a Higher Power to catch her. No longer relying on a "group of drunks," she surrendered her will to escape the bondage of self.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening thanks to the committee and a mention of praying in the bathroom with her sponsor.
• 4:30 Tara R. discusses the danger of 'dry' sobriety and her nineteen years of suffering despite attending meetings.
• 8:15 Laughter: The story of the Long Beach police department and the difficulty of dating in her 40s.
• 11:00 The $300 purse vs. the electric cord: a concrete example of her spiritual malady.
• 15:30 The 'gift of desperation' and the phone call to Val that saved her from smoking crack.
• 18:45 Step 2: The realization that she was beyond human aid and the role of the Doctor's Opinion.
• 22:10 The Saab Turbo convertible story as a metaphor for self-will run riot and discontent.
• 26:00 Step 3: The visual of jumping out of a crashing jumbo jet to illustrate total surrender.
• 30:00 The promise made to Val to bear witness to the solution.
• 31:30 Discussion on being 'blocked' from the power and the importance of the full 12-step curriculum.