Step 3 – Joe and Charlie – Part 1 of 3 – 2021 – Local AA Speakers

to do is read to you now what bill wrote that night from the original manuscript of the big book alcoholics anonymous before the other members saw it and forced some changes to it and i think if we see what was originally written this whole thing is going to make a little bit more sense to us so if you'll follow through with us joe's going to read it and maybe by the changing the tone of his voice or pausing, he can really point out these differences. Let's see what he wrote. Compare it to what's in the book today. Our description of the alcoholic. It's the doctor's opinion. Some of it in chapter 2 and 3. And of course some of it is Bill's story. The chapter to the agnostic. Chapter 4. In our personal adventures both before and after. It's Bill's stories and those stories in the back of the book have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas. A, that you are alcoholic and cannot manage your own life. Step one. B, that probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism. Step two. C, that God can and will. The last part is step two. Now if you're not convinced on these vital issues you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away. I think it's very obvious what Bill has been doing with the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters. In the reading of those chapters, he's been trying to sell us three pertinent ideas. A, that we're alcoholic and cannot manage our own lives. Now if he's able to impart that information to us through the doctor, through the author's opinion, in the last four chapters, then we've already taken step one. B, that probably no human power can relieve our alcoholism. And C, that God can and will. If we've been able to impart that information to us through the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters, then we've already taken step two. The very next statement in the book says, being convinced, we're now at step three. Now that's the fallacy in trying to start with chapter five Because you see, chapter 5 starts with step 3. And from 3 on, the book follows a certain pattern. It tells us why we need to take a step, how to take it, what the results will be. But it does not do that for steps 1 and 2. And used to I would read how it works and I'd read being convinced we're at step 3, I'd say, well, where in the hell did 1 and 3 go? There's no information in the book on how to work them. You know why? Because you don't work them You don't work steps one and two. They are not working steps. There's no action in those steps. Those two steps are conclusions of the mind that we draw based upon information presented to us in the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters. I've always been powerless over alcohol. My life's always been unmanageable because of that. I just did not know that, nor did I know why until I read the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters. There's always been a power greater than I am that can restore me to sanity. I just did not believe that he would, nor did I know the insanity I needed to be restored from until I reading the doctor of sin. That's what I read in the doctor�s opinion in the last four chapters of the book. Now if I can say to myself I�m powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable, I�ve come to believe there�s a power greater than i am could restore me to sanity then i'm through with one and two and then i'll be ready to go on to three joe okay says being convinced we were at step three we're not ready to take step three were just at step 3 which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over god as we understood him well just what do we mean by that and just what did we do well poor alcohol it's got to give up the two most important things in their lives one is our alcohol and the The other is our self-centeredness. And we've got to make a decision to turn our will, which is our thinking, and our life, which are our actions, over to the care and direction of God as we understand Him. Well, just what do we mean by that, and just what did we do? Again, it's going to all be tied up in words, and there seems to be three key words in Step 3 that's given a lot of us difficulty in the past. The first one is this word, decision. Quite often I hear people today say, well, I've been in AA six years and my life's still all screwed up. And I don't understand why because I turned it over to God four years ago when I took step three. No, we didn't turn it over to God when we took step 3. We made a decision to turn it Over to God when we Took Step 3. And the fact that we've made a decision implies that there's going to be some further action. As an example in my own life, several years ago Barbara and I made a decision in the fall of the year to go to Los Angeles, California and visit some of our relatives. But we didn't do anything to carry out that decision. So that year we didn' t get to California to visit our relatives. The next year, about the same time of the year, we made the same decision. Again, we didn't do anything to carry it out, and sure enough, we didn' t get to California. Third year in a row, we make the decision, but this third year was a little different. This time I took the car down and had it serviced. Barbara packed the clothes and a little bit food, and we got in our automobile, and we drove from our home to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Then we drove to Oklahoma City. Then we drove to Amarillo, Texas. Then we drove to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Then we drove to Flagstaff, Arizona. Then we drove to Barstow, California. Then we drove to San Bernardino, California, and you know, by golly, one day we ended up in Los Angeles visiting with our relatives, not because we made a decision, but because we took the action necessary to carry out that decision. And we're going to find from steps 4 through 11, they are all considered to be action steps. And as we take that action through those steps, we will carry out the decision that we're making in step 3. Step 3 is just a beginning. Now what is it we're deciding to turn over? Well, we're making a decision to turn our will over to the care and direction of God as we understood him. And what is our will? As Joe says, our will is nothing more than our mind. Our will is Nothing More Than Our Thinking Apparatus. Our Will Is Nothing More than this thing up here in our head that tells us what to do and what not to do. A good example of tying will and thinking together is let's say that some of us are beginning to approach the end of our lives, which many of us have. And we've gathered up a few material things and we become concerned with what's going to happen to them after we pass on. We may go down and sit down with an attorney and we may say to that attorney, Now, when I pass on, I want this to go to my wife. Be sure that this gets to my daughter. I want my son to have this and this to go to somebody else, and et cetera, and et cetera. That attorney will take my thinking coming from my mind that day, write it down on a piece of paper. I'll sign it. Maybe the attorney will sign it as a witness, and we put it in a safe. Now, a year or two or three later, I kick the bucket. And if my family's like all the rest of them they're going to call the undertaker and they're gonna say come get him let's get him out the graveyard and get him in the ground just soon as we can and they'll run me out there and they put me in the crowd and they won't even wait till they get me covered up they'll all jump in the car and they go right back to that attorney's office and that attorney will take out that piece of paper and read to them my thinking as of that day two or three years ago when i was sitting in office. Now, we know that they call that piece of paper a will. Will, thinking, mind, they're all synonymous, meaning basically the same thing. My thinking is where I need that direction. Now, what else am I deciding to turn over? Well, I'm making a decision to turn my life over to the care and direction of God as I understand Him. What is my life? My life is nothing more than my actions what i am today right now as of this moment is the sum accumulative total of all the actions i've taken throughout my entire lifetime is what's made me what i am today all action is born in thought say that again charlie all action is born in thought. It's not by accident the step reads will and life. Many people read it backwards. They read it life and will. No, it's will and life. Now if all action is born in thought then it stands to reason whatever my life is is going to be determined by how I think. If my thinking is okay then chances are my decisions, my actions are going to be okay and my life's going to be okay. If my thinking is lousy then chances are my actions are going to be lousie and my wife's going to be all screwed up. Whatever I think is what I will eventually become. Now I was scared to death of this step when I first looked at it. And I went to my sponsor, and I said, I don't believe I'm going to be able to take step three. And he said, why? And I said because if I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him, I have no idea what He would have me be. And He may want me to be a missionary, and He may wanna send me to Africa or China or somewhere like that, and I sure as hell don't wanna go there. And she just laughed. She said, well at least it wouldn't be in the hands of an idiot, would it? He said, Charlie, let's look back in your lifetime. He said you've always been a selfish, self-centered, self-willed human being. He says you've never paid any attention to God's will, anybody else's will. You've always done exactly whatever you wanted to do whenever you wanted it and to hell with the rest of them. And he said the end result of that is you damn near destroyed your life and the life of all those around you who carry a thing for you. He said, just think. If God could direct your thinking, then maybe it would become better. And he said, if your thinking becomes better, then your actions are going to become better, and if your actions become better than your life and their life of those around you who care for you will probably become better also. but he said left on your own resources you don't stand a chance he said charlie you're trying to find a way to live where you can be sober and be peaceful happy and free with a little peace of mind and serenity and he said if you continue to operate on self-will you will continue to be restless irritable and discontented you will continues to be filled with shame fear guilt and remorse and you're not going to feel good. And he said, eventually your mind's going to start searching for a way to feel better and you'll start thinking about taking a drink. And He said, the next thing you know, you become insane and you think you can drink and you end up drunk all over again. He said left on self-will, there's no way that we alcoholics can have the peace of mind and serenity necessary for good long-term lasting sobriety. He got it through to me in a very simple way, by explaining to me what these words really mean and what really takes place in my life based upon strictly how I think. Now as far as we know, we're the only species on earth that's ever faced with this decision. As far as We know, We're the Only Species That Have This thing called self-will everything else on earth seems to be god directed and they don't have self-well and they can't make those decisions that gets them in trouble and you very seldom see the other species here on earth in serious trouble i've never seen a tree hit a car yet it seems as though we're the only ones that's ever faced with this decision Now, I don't know whether this self-will thing is a blessing or whether to call it a curse. We're the only ones that are ever faced with this decision as to whether we're going to continue to operate on self- will or we're gonna try to turn it over to God and let God direct our will for us. So Charlie just told us how it works. Now the book's gonna tell us why it won't work. And it has to do with self-centeredness. It said the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will could hardly be a success. That's why it won't work. It's because of self- will. On that basis, we're almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show. It is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. If its arrangements would only stay put, If only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. In other words, if other people would mind and do what he said, everything would be wonderful. The only problem is that other people won't mind. Other people have self-will also, you know, and I didn't know that. I thought they were supposed to live by my will in and around my house. They're supposed to do what I said. But my wives, I found out, have a self-willed too, and it didn't necessarily fit with my will, the way things are supposed to be done, and we had lots of trouble over that. We've looked at this idea about step three. We've talked about decision, we've talked about will, we're talking about life and Bill has told us on page 60 that because of this self-will thing we become like the actor that wants to run the whole show. Now here again Bill is talking about something he assumes people will know about. Remember, he's from New York City. The theater is great in New York City. Everybody understands about an actor and etc. etc. And he's talking about the fact that people like us seem to write a script in our mind for whatever it is that we think we ought to be. And we set out in our lives then to fulfill that script like the actor that wants to run the whole show. And not only do we write in our minds a script for ourselves, we normally write in Our Minds a script for everybody else to follow too. I knew in order for my life to come out right, my wife was going to have to do this and this and she would have to be that. My children would have to be this, this, and this, and they would have to be that now the only problem is i didn't know and didn't realize that they had written a script in their mind also and their script of what they wanted to be didn't necessarily match mine and sure enough just as soon as i i tried to put the pressure on them then they would resist and we went into open conflict it's plain that a life run on self-will can hardly ever be a success because under those conditions we're always going to be in collision with people, places, and things. Now, some 12 or 13 years after Bill wrote the big book, they prevailed upon him to write another book called The Twelve and Twelve. And there's always been a lot of question, in fact, a lot OF arguments as to why Bill decided to write The Twelve and I don't guess anybody will ever know for absolutely sure, but he probably had two or three reasons behind it. Number one is he had had extreme difficulty with the fellowship on selling them on the traditions. Nobody wanted the traditions to begin with, and I think Bill felt that if he could put the traditions together in a book with the steps, that maybe the traditions would be more acceptable to people. But I think another reason he agreed to do that is in 1939, Bill didn't know very much about spirituality. Bill was not trained in human nature. Remember, he's a night school lawyer. He studied economics and business as well as law. He was a stock speculator. He wasn't a trained theologian, nor was he trained in human nature. Yet he managed to write one of the most spiritual books dealing with human nature the world's ever seen. Surely, surely, God helped him write the big book. He did the absolute best he could do with it. But 12 or 13 years later, Bill has worked with hundreds of alcoholics in that period of time. He had taught with and studied with and worked with some of the greatest minds in the world at that time. He knew a lot more about spirituality. He knew much more about human nature. And I think Bill felt that if he could give us some more information on the steps, that perhaps the new information or the additional information would make it easier for us to work the steps according to the big book. We do not believe the 12 and 12 was meant to replace the big book. In fact, you can't work the steps out of the 12 and 12. There's no directions on how to work them in the 12 and 12, and I think that's why a lot of people really like the 12 and 12 because they can get in it and philosophize and dance around and never have to do anything. But there's some information in the twelve and twelve that Bill always referred to as a series of essays that will give us more knowledge, more information that does make it easier to work the steps according to the big book. And we found one day in the 12 and 12, and it was at the beginning of step four, two or three pages where he talked about the basic instincts of life. And he managed to teach me more about me and what makes me tick on those two or three pages than I had learned in a full lifetime of living. And we're going to look at that information for just a moment. And I think if we can really see it, it will show us exactly why we need to take step three. And it's also going to make it easier for us to take Step 4 when we start on it. So let's look at a little picture that we have that we took right out of that 12 and 12, talking about for just a little bit the three basic instincts of life. Bill referred to them as the social instinct, the security instinct, and the sex instinct. And he said all human beings are born with these three basic instants. They are God-given. they're absolutely necessary for survival of the human race therefore they must be good things it is only when we let them drive us and dominate us and rule our lives completely that they become something that's not good that ends up hurting us first we'll talk just a little bit about the social instinct he said all human beings are born with a desire to be liked to be accepted to be respected to come together in groups with other human beings. And he said if we didn't have that desire to be liked, accepted, respected if we did not have that desire to join together with other people in groups that sooner or later the human race would fail to survive. He said under those conditions we wouldn't be able to provide the food, the clothing, the shelter that we think things that we need for our survival. he said if we cared nothing about each other the world would go into complete anarchy dog eat dog situation and under those conditions sooner or later we would fail to survive so this basic instinct to be liked accepted respected and to join together with others in groups is a basic god-given thing necessary for our survival he uses several terms under it he talked about companionship. And companionship is nothing more than wanting to belong or to be accepted. So many of us, when we grew up, we were on the outside of the crowd looking in, wanted to be a part of and knew we could not be, knew that whatever we said, whatever we did would be wrong and people would laugh at us. Companionship, wanting that in our lives. He uses the word prestige. Now, prestige is wanting to be recognized as the leader. And the world needs leaders. Somebody's got to be a decision maker. Somebody has got to be able to say, I guess, even in the old cave mandales, Glenn, get behind that tree with your spear. Joe, you get over here with your rock. And Biz and I will run this sucker through here. And we'll jump him. We'll have somebody's got do that. And usually we'll take one of two directions. Either let me be a part of, or let me be the leader of. In either case, it's going to depend upon what other people think of us. If they like us and accept us, we can become a partof or become the leaderof. He uses the term self-esteem. Self-esteem is nothing more than what we think about ourselves. Usually high or low, based upon what other people thing of us or what we think other people think of us. If they seem to like us and accept us and respect us, we feel pretty good about ourselves. If they don't or if we think they don' t, we feel pretty lousy about ourselves." He uses the word pride. Oh, I'm glad I started going to the dictionary and looking up words. I always thought pride is something you ought to have. As a young boy growing up, all I ever wanted to be was a man who walked tall with pride and just a little bit sideways like John Wayne does, until I found out what pride is. Pride is defined as an excessive and unjustified opinion of oneself, the way to think too highly of ourselves or too low of ourselves, and in either case it's not the truth. He talked about personal relationships. That's nothing more than our relationship with the world and the people in it. He talks about our ambitions in those areas. Ambitions are plans to gain acceptance, recognition, prestige, and et cetera, are plans for the future. All human beings have these things within them. All human being are concerned about these things. Now if we want to be liked and accepted and respected by the world and the people in it, the first thing we've got to do is find out, well, what is it they want from me? Usually society teaches us that as we grow up. And it will differ in different parts of the world. One part of the world, perhaps it's a good education. Another part ofthe world is to be a large landowner. Another partof the world isto have a large family. Another partof the world, it can be something entirely different. Based upon what society teaches us as we grow up, we, in turn, draw up our little plans in our head and set a goal for what we want to become in the future. Now, if you're going to reach the goal and you're going to be liked and accepted and respected by other people, you're gonna have to work at reaching the goal. You can't just sit on your duff and be a bum and have people like you and accept you and respect you. At the same time, not only do we have to work towards successful completion of the goal, we'll probably have to make some sacrifices. You know, there are some things that I would like to do as a human being that if I do them and you catch me at it, you're not gonna like me at all. And I don't think you and I would do the work necessary to reach the goal nor make the sacrifices necessary to be liked and accepted if we didn't get a reward for doing so. And the reward is that great feeling that we get at the moment of successful completion of the goal. Bill said it in his story when he said, I had arrived. How many of us have set that goal and worked and worked and strived and stribed and sacrificed and the day we reach the goal and they pat us on the back and they say, ah, Joe, you're a fine fellow. Boy, you doing great. You really are an okay guy. There seems to be a feeling that comes over us which is really one of those indescribably wonderful feelings. The only thing wrong with it, though, it seems to me just a temporary feeling. No sooner do you reach the goal than you look around and you say, well, is this all there is to it? And you set another goal. And you work and you work and you strive and you sacrifice and you reach a new goal and it feels good but it doesn't last long and you set yet another goal And it seems to create within we human beings an insatiable desire for more and more of this recognition, more and More Power, more and MORE Prestige. And we're not getting it fast enough and they're not giving it to us like we think they ought to and we start taking a few shortcuts. We begin to do a little lying, a little conning, a little manipulating, a little stepping on other people's toes and climbing on their backs and the instant we do so we create pain and suffering for other people. They internally retaliate against us and create pain and suffering for us. It's plain that a life run on self-will can hardly ever be a success because under those conditions we'll always be in collision with people, places, and things. The second basic instinct he talked about is the security instinct. And he said all human beings are born with a desire to be secure in the future. Now I know that in AA we try to live one day at a time. But I also noticed about everybody in this room has got an insurance policy. And the purpose of an insurance policy is to protect ourselves in the future. If we were not concerned about the future, we wouldn't provide the food, the clothing, the shelter, the things that we need. Next winter, we would just simply freeze to death. Next drought season, we would ?????? starve to death So this desire that you and I have to be secure in the near future is not a bad thing. It is a basic God-given thing necessary for our survival. Now, by the same token, if you want to be secure in the future, you've got to decide what is it I need to be secured? And once again, society teaches that to us as we grow up. One part of the world, you need $4. Another part ofthe world, you need 4,000. Anotherpart of the word, you'd need 4 million. Another part oftheworld, youneed 178 coconuts, whatever it is that they used to measure a bargain and determine their security by. And based on what society teaches us, again, we draw in our mind a little script of what it is that we think we need to have in order to be secure. Now, if you're going to be insecure in the future, you're gonna have to work at it. You can't just sit on your duff and be a bum and be secure in the feature. You're going to have to make a little money, you'll have to invest that money, and by the same token, you are going to make some sacrifices. God, we can't blow it all today and be secure tomorrow. I can't have the new shoes or the new dress or the new suit or the knew this or the know that just any time I want it. And I don't think you and I would do the work necessary nor make the sacrifices necessary to be secure in the future if we didn't get a reward for doing so. And again, the reward is that great feeling that comes at the moment of successful completion of the goal. How many of us have done it? How many have set the goal for the new dress, for the new shoes, for the new drapes, for the new couch, for the new home, for the new car, for whatever it might be. And we work and we work, and we strive and we strive, and the day we get that sucker paid off and nobody can touch it, my God, what a great feeling that is. Hell, if it's on the home, we might even call in the neighbors, and we'll celebrate, and we'll have a party, and we'll burn the mortgage. It's such a great feeling. The only thing wrong with it is just temporary feeling. So later I get that sucker paid off, and I look around, and her house is bigger than mine. He's driving a Cadillac, and I'm still in a Chevrolet. He has got a Brooks Brothers suit, and I bought mine at Kmart. And that causes us to set another goal. And we work, and we work. And we strive, and we strive. And we sacrifice, and we reach the new goal. And it feels good, but it doesn't last long. It's just a temporary feeling. We set another goal. It seems to create within we human beings an insatiable desire for more and more and more and more of these material things. And we're not getting them fast enough, and they're not giving them to us like they ought to, so we start taking a few shortcuts. We lie. We con. We manipulate. We cheat. We steal. And the instant we do that, we create pain and suffering for others. And they retaliate and create pain and suffering for us. It's plain that a life run on self-will can hardly ever be a success. Under those conditions, we're always in collision with people, places, and things. The third basic end thing she talks about is the sex instinct. Now, I know in AA we talk about sex a lot. We laugh about it. We joke about it. I don't think any of us know a hell of a lot about it, but Bill said that all human beings are born with a desire to have sex. Now it might get turned off by bad teachings or bad happenings, but all people are bornwith a desireto have sex because if we don't have sex, we're not going to reproduce ourselves. And if wedon't reproduce ourselves, then sooner or later the human race is going to fail to survive. Now by the same token, if you're going to reproduce yourself just like the other two basic instincts of life, you're gonna have to work at it. You know, you can do more work in three minutes of sex if you can last that long than you would do all day doing a ditch. Don't you older guys remember how it used to be? My God, we got through with it. We just fell over sideways. The sweat's just pouring off of us. We can hardly get our breath, we feel like we've died, gone to heaven, come back two or three times. And I don't think we would do that kind of work if we didn't get a reward for doing so. Gets excited, doesn't he? That great reward is that great feeling we get both physically and emotionally at the moment of successful completion of the sex act. One of the greatest feelings a human being can possibly experience. But also, just like the other two, it's just a temporary feeling. Hell, you know, soon as we get through with doing it, that you get to thinking about doing it again. And it's such an exciting and pleasurable thing that we get to think about doing It in different ways. And then we get thinking about Doing It in Different Positions. And then We get to Thinking About Doing It with Different People. And the next thing You know, We're Doing It at the Wrong Time and the Wrong Place with the Wrong People. And the instant We do so, We create pain and suffering for others. They in turn retaliate against us and create pain and suffering for us. It's plain that a life run on self-will can hardly ever be a success because that always throws us in collision with people, places, and things. I like to look at these three basic instincts of life as the utilities of life. You know, this building we're in is a great building, fine, fine building. And within this building there's some utilities. There's some electricity. there's some way to heat this building and there's some water in here now this building would be of no use to anybody if it didn't have these utilities in it, yet at the same time if this building is to be destroyed someday it will probably be because one of the utilities in the building has gotten out of control and ends up destroying the building the basic instincts of life seem to be the utilities of life They're absolutely necessary for us to survive. Yet by the same token, if they get out of control, they're not handled correctly, then they in turn destroy us just like these utilities would destroy this building if they got out of their control. The very things that God gives us for our survival are the very things that will destroy us left on self-will. Now if all human beings on earth could fulfill the three basic instincts of life at the level that God intends, there would be no conflict on earth today. But all human beings have self-will. All human beings fulfill these basic instincts of life at one time or another to the extent beyond what God intended, and all human being sooner or later come in conflict with other people because of that self- will. Now if you'll notice on that little chart a circle coming out of the three basic instincts of life, those are what makes up self-willed, those three basic instinct of life. Now, coming out of the self-will circle, there's another little circle called wrongs. That's a word you've got to look at. Somewhere in AA we get the idea that when you see the word wrongs, it's a list of dirty, filthy, nasty things. But if you go to the dictionary and look it up, you'll find several definitions for it. One definition of a wrong is incorrect judgment of others. A little later on, we're going to find out that's exactly what a resentment is. Another definition of the word wrong is incorrect believing. A little later on we're going to find out that's what most of our fears are. Another definition or a wrong are the harms and hurts that we do to other people because of the basic instincts of life out of control. Now, if you only spot a selfish, self-centered human being, one who's operating on self-will, not God's will but self- will, it's very easy to spot them. They will display these three common manifestations of self. A selfish, self-centered human being is always madder than hell. Damn him and damn her and by God I'll show them and they're not going to treat me that way and blah-dee-blah-ba-bl�-ba blah-bl�-bl�. Selfish, self centered human beings are always scared to death. Can't depend on God. Can't dependent on other people. And if we're an alcoholic approaching the end of the road we can't depend upon ourselves anymore and we've got to be running absolutely scared to dead. A selfish, self-centered human being, because of the three basic instincts of life, because they are so pleasurable, will always overdo and create harms and hurts for other people. It's very easy to spot a selfish, self-centred human being mad in hell, scared to death, and doing the things that hurt others. I had no idea what caused me to do the things that I did that created all the problems I had. But today I see because of the three basic instincts of life because the fulfillment of them is such a pleasurable thing that left on self-will i simply cannot keep from overdoing in those areas and that blocks me off from any possibility of peace of mind serenity and happiness god gave us self-well only god has the power to overcome self-will. Self-will cannot overcome self will. A sick mind cannot heal a sick mind. We're going to have to have the aid of a power greater than ourselves. Now then I can begin to understand why I really need to take step three, because left on self-willed, the basic instincts will always drive me to do the very things that create the problems that I have, the restlessness, the irritability, the discontent, the shame, the fear, the guilt and remorse and left on self-will. I simply do not stand a chance. Let's go a little further now with step three. See, these basic instincts of life are God-given and therefore good, not to be misused or loathed, he said. And the only problem is I didn't know that, and I didn' t know that other people have these basic instincts of life too and they're trying to fulfill their basic instincts and sometimes when mine get over out of whack and i'm using them for more than god intended to for me to i'm running into other people's basic instincts and we have problems we have lots of problems and whenever we find two people who are trying to satisfy their basic instincts and overuse them more than what god intended for them to be well what usually happens the book says. Well, the show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think that life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes on the next occasion still more demanding and gracious as the case may be. Still, the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he's sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, and self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things that he wants, and do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is He not even in His best moments a producer of confusion rather than harmony? Isn't that what happened to me? I had trouble with everybody I come in contact with, and because I didn't know about my basic instincts of life. I didn'T know how I was reacting to other people and how they were reacting to me. And on page 62, first paragraph, it says that selfishness and self-centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles, driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self pity. We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later put us in a position to be hurt. Would you read that again, please? But we invariatively find that at some point in the future or sometime in the last we have mad decisions based upon self which later puts us in the position to get hurt. Based upon these three basic instincts of life, the fulfillment of them, which later places us in a position to be hurt. And I was trying to make decisions based on the fulfillment of the basic instincts which later put me in the position to being hurt. You know, alcoholism, I, self, and me, that's all I was ever concerned with. And I finally was able to see how selfish and self-centered I had become. And a book says, so our troubles we think are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves and the alcohol is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us, and God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without his aid. Many of us have moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help see he told us how it works then he told us why it won't work because of the basic instincts and because of our selfish and self-centeredness and now he's going to tell us how it really works well this is the how and why of it first of all we had to quit playing God, it didn't work if this is a God directed world and I'm convinced that it is then those of us who have been self-directed and also tried to direct everything and everybody around us. We've been trying to do God's business for him, and we're not God. We've just been playing at being God, and we've got to quit playing God. We've got a quick directing, not only ourselves but others. It just doesn't work. And he tells us what to do next. Next it would be decided that hereafter in this drama of life God was going to be our director, not our suggester, our director. You see, he's got his word right back in now, two pages later. God's going to be our director. He is the principal and we are his agents. He is a father, we are His children. He said most good ideas are simple. And this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. And what was this keystone of the New and Triumphant Arch? That He is The Father and we're the children. He is A Principal, we're The Agent. He's The Boss, we work for Him. You know, in that other big book that we sometimes refer to the big, big book, you know. In the front of that book, there's a story in there where he had worked for six days and then he rested on the seventh. And to my knowledge, he never did go back to work anymore. Which would indicate that if any work was going to be done around here, it was goingto be me doing the work. You see? He is the principal and we are the agents. He isthe father and we're the children. He's the boss. We work for him. Most good ideas are simple, and I like to never got that simple idea. I thought it. I use God like you would an errand boy. God get my wife back, get me a new car, get ??? a job, take care of this, go down to the store and get that, get these things for me. You see, always looking for God to do these things for me, never did I ask, God, what can I do for you? You see? A whole different concept in my life. And this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we pass to freedom. Now, this is our third reference to this wonderfully effective spiritual structure. This time he's telling us what it is. It's going to be an arch. And we're going to pass through that arch to freedom and the key stone of that arch. There's a stone right up in the top of the arch. All the other stones are cut and they lay against the key tone. If the keystone is right, it will support the entire arch. If it's faulty, it slips up, the arch collapses. The keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which you and I are going to eventually pass to freedom is a very simple idea. We're going to let God be the director. Now this is a radical idea for people like us. We who have been self-directed all of our lives are now making a decision to let God be the director of our lives. Hopefully, God can't possibly make it any worse than we made it. And just maybe, if God is the director, then just maybe things are going to get better. The keystone of the new and triumphant arch. This is our third reference. Step one, willingness was the foundation. Step two, believing is the cornerstone. and now then step three is the keystone and we're told it's an arch through which we'll pass to freedom. You see, we're building the personality change already. We don't have to wait until we get to the end of the twelfth step to get something out of this. As we go through these steps, we're going to see a positive happening take place each time as we progress through. The personality change is beginning to now take effect. On top of page 63 it says, Now, when we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer. Being all-powerful, he provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well. Established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more, we began interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. as we felt new power flow in as we enjoyed peace of mind as we discovered we could face life successfully as we became conscious of his presence we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter we were reborn you know I didn't know what that reborn meant they used to come to my house and knock on my door on some of those nights and they wanted to talk to me about being reborn and I'm sitting there being drunk and I'd run them off get out of my house and don't ever come back. You know what I'm talking about, some of you. And I didn't want them around me and I didn' t understand what they were talking about and still didn' d know. And now since I've gotten sober I found out a little bit more about that. There was another guy, his name was Nicodemus in that other book and he didn' T understand any more about this being reborn than I did. So he went to this guy who was talking about being reborn and he said, What do you mean you have to be reborn? Do you mean that I have to go back into my mother's womb and to be newborn? And he said, well, Nicodemus, aren't you educated? Didn't you go to the university? Don't you know that you can't do that? When I'm talking about being reborn, I'm telling you about the renewing of your mind. That's what I'm talkin' about. And you see, I did not know that until I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous a way too long. I'm gonna be reborn in my mind giving up old ideas and accepting new ideas. That's why I have to have an open mind. Now we were at step three in the book. And many of us said to our makers, We understood him. God, I offer myself to you to bear with me and to do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do your will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those that I would help with your power, your love, and your way of life. May I do your well always. that we thought well before taking this step, making sure that we were ready, that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him. You know, I got ready to do this third step and those same people that used to come visit me, I hated them and I knew what they did down at that church on Sunday morning about 11 o'clock and I couldn't wait to get down there the next Sunday and I went down there with the express purpose of doing step three. I didn't get down here at 1030. I got down there about 5 minutes to 11 you know, I didn't want to get there too early I might hear something that might help me you see so I got done about 5 min to 11 and they asked people to come down and to do the third step prayer basically and I went down there and I did this third step pray just like it says in this book and that's what I wanted to do I don't know what they thought I was doing but that's why I wanted and I walked out of that church a free man I was free of all that old feelings, all the old guilt, shame and remorse and I had made this decision to turn my will and my life over to the care and direction of God and my wife has not been the same since that morning. Thank God. It has changed and I'm living the best I've ever lived right this moment. My life is better today than it's ever been because of the beginnings of Step 3 way back then and I continue to do Step 3 on a daily basis every single day of my life because I truly want that to be done in my life. Sometimes I meditate on this and I wonder what would my, as good as my life is today, what would it really be if I let God direct all of my lives and all of the things and all my thinking all the time? Wouldn't that be wonderful? It could be better than anything I've ever dreamed of. And life's good today. It's wonderful today. we thought well before taking this step making sure we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him and I think the word utterly means completely all the way a whole ball of wax I think that's what we need to understand if we're taking step three not just part of it but everything I hope you don't make the mistake I did because when I took step three the first time I got down on my knees and I began to say the prayer and I said, God, offer myself to Thee to do with me as I wilt and so on and so forth. And when I got through with it I said but now God don't fool with my sex life. I can handle that okay, thank you. And stay out of my money. You take the alcohol and I'll take care of everything else. And today I realize the fallacy in that is that God don't even drink. He doesn't milk the alcohol. He wants the whole ball of wax. I think I'm beginning to understand now in how it works when it's said half measures avail us nothing. We can at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him. If God can direct all my thinking, then chances are my thinking in all areas will be okay. Not just alcohol. Sex, money, power, prestige, and everything else. And if my thinking is okay in all areas, my decisions and actions will be okay and surely my life's going to be okay in all �reas. We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual advisor. But it's better to meet God alone than one who might misunderstand. The wording was of course quite optional so long as we expressed the idea voicing without reservation. This was only a beginning. Though if honesty and harmony made an effect, sometimes a very great one was felt at once. In the beginning, they always took this step with other people. There was no such thing as one of them taking this step by themselves. What they used to do while they were still Oxford group members, before the book was written, they would go out and talk to an alcoholic out there somewhere, tell their stories. And the alcoholic could see himself through them. and he could see where he was powerless over alcohol and he would come to believe there was a power greater than himself that could restore him to sanity. Those were not steps in those days. Those were just ideas. Then they would bring this person to an Oxford group meeting and say, we want to sponsor this person into the group. They'd say, well, we've been talking to him and we're convinced he knows he's alcoholic and we'm convinced he believes in God. And the group would vote on whether to take him in or not. That's what sponsorship was originally. Then when they decided to take him in, three or four or five of them would take him upstairs, especially in Dr. Bob's house. They would all get on their knees together and he would make his surrender. And then when they got through, they would vote on how well he surrendered. And if it wasn't good enough, he may have to go back and surrender again at a later date. You know, it's long been known that prayer, taken in the company of other human beings, seems to have a deeper, longer-lasting effect. You know, we human beings are meant to live with God and each other. We're not meant to leave isolated. And we alcoholics have been isolated from God and others for so long that it's difficult for us to begin to reach out to others. But taking step three with a lone human being is the beginning of doing away with that isolation. It's the beginning of reaching out and becoming a part of the human race again because there we're dealing with others and God at the same time. We alcoholics are the funniest people in the world. When we're drinking, we'll let our family see us every morning in the bathroom, on our knees, hugging the porcelain bowl, puking our guts up. Then we'll come to AA and try to do something about our life we're ashamed to let them see us pray. If we take this prayer in connection with other human beings, certainly it's going to be more effective. We don't necessarily have to, but it seems to be better. Those that I work with that I sponsor myself, I insist they take Step 3 with me for two reasons. Number one, if they take it with me, I know they have taken it. That's the only way I know for sure they've taken step three. But the real reason I do is every time we take it together, it reinforces it for me. It makes it a deeper part of my life and it means more to me on a continual basis as time goes by. I think this is a real good idea. Okay, we've made a decision. We've uttered the prayer. We're done with step three now. Step three is only the beginning. is not going to have any permanent effect unless we do something about this.