Losing What You Have or Not Getting What You Deserve — the Two Fears Step 7 Names – Bob A.

this is prime time stag men alcoholics for 1596 Sherman Oaks California there's something that
got through to me that now this whole thing makes sense you know it it does make sense it's I find
I have to be very close to to Bob because it doesn't you know what happens is you know I do
well for a while and then my head tells me no no you got the knowledge and you can you know you can
coast on that and I can't I do that time and time again you know and and and so I need to I need to
hear this stuff all the time
you know um from the tapes and and you know and from Bob himself because um it's not something it
has nothing to do with knowledge you know and I I don't know how to explain that either but
it's not something because I know it that now I know how to I can do it you know I just uh
I just gotta apply this stuff every day otherwise it just goes away you know
and um uh and that's basically uh the thing that I'm struggling with is to do it on a daily basis
and not just do it for a while and then you know get lazy about it but uh you know I really have
found a God in you know a living God in this room which I never had I I know I didn't have
a problem that there was a God but it was something out there that I was praying to and that was
um and now there's really something that I'm you know I'm one with this God you know and and I can
talk that I can talk to all the time and that works for me um in my life in all the areas you
know all I all I need to do is to be with him you know and um and whether I want to do that or not
is up to me you know thanks
no more cakes
well we'll start it off the same way again so
well you know uh
to actually talk about alcoholism you know is is the purpose of being here in
Alcoholics Anonymous as far as I'm concerned and for a long period of
time in the beginning for me in Alcoholics Anonymous which is the same as right now right
now tonight right now same thing uh is sitting there like you're sitting and uh using whatever
uh intelligence or power of of my own of my own mind and all that and uh thinking in terms that
that's all I need to do or I mean that's uh what all of us do and that's what we're here for and
all that I never once really recognized or identified or even knew
the disease of alcoholism as a living disease without alcohol I didn't know
that now this is this is something that has to be said and talked about because
uh the minute that I started staying sober in the period of time which I did after I got out
of the hospital uh I I started going into the world that I did sober
and I did it sober the same way I did it drunk and I didn't know the difference and I couldn't
a difference. I didn't know what it meant to be able to live in the day you're in, in a world that
I could live in, so I didn't have to drink. And I had a sponsor, you know, that talked to me real
clear, real loud and clear. And he made no bones about it or anything else like that. And what he
was telling me is the same thing that I talk today because it is for today, still, yet, after many,
many years. And the fact that this disease of alcoholism has to be treated, and it has to be
treated today, this day, now. But to hear that, of what it is, something has to go before that,
and quite a bit has to go before it, I believe, anyway. Because just like you were talking about,
Frank, knowledge alone, or identification even, is not good enough. That won't help. It's just
like sitting in a meeting like this, like you guys are sitting now.
And if you don't think so, just keep track of the time when you leave here, how long it takes you
before you get out in that world out there and lose it. By losing it, I mean just get mad,
get angry, start thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, start driving your car the same way,
and so on like that. What happened to the meeting? You know, what happened to the hour and a half
here? You know, what happened to the purpose of coming here? Well, even that information,
isn't good enough yet either, because it's not enough. The disease of alcoholism, I had to find
out for myself. I had to learn about the disease of alcoholism before the steps made any sense
of why they're there and why they're in the order form, what they're about, why do they call this
the program recovery. This is the program recovery. This meeting is part of what's necessary. It's part
of it. But this meeting will never change you.
And when you leave here, you're going to leave with the same person you brought here.
Now that, to me, I had to swallow that. I had to learn that this here, this alcoholism that we're
talking about, isn't about drinking. It's not about staying out of bars and all that kind of
crap. It's about a way of life living today that I'll have to live this way, this way meaning the
12 steps and the power meaning God, for my life today. But I'll have to be taught how to do that.
There's no way that I have the power. You know, on page 45 in your big book here, when it talks in
here, lack of power was my dilemma. And how was I to find this power? That's what this book is
about, to enable me to find a power which will solve my problem. Well, I never knew I had a
problem that needed to be solved by anybody but me. I wasn't drinking. I was going to work,
bringing home my money. I wasn't giving it away to nobody. I was buying things and everything else.
What's the problem? Well, the problem was I couldn't
live in the day I was in because I kept tearing it apart. I kept hurting people. I kept remembering
yesterdays. I kept looking at you, whoever you are. It doesn't make a difference who you are.
I kept looking at you. And when I look at you, see, I don't, I just can't look at you. I have
to look at you and criticize you, judge you. I have to look at you. And inside of me, I have
something going on inside of me that tells me a great story about you, you know. And believe me,
this was things that I had to identify.
Because I got so shook up at meetings at times and didn't know why, you know. I had such resentment
against somebody. I didn't even know the guy. But he did act right. He didn't talk right or he didn't
dress right or he had a beard or some damn thing. And I looked at that as something that shouldn't
be like that. And believe me, this isn't silly talk I'm talking about. These were actual thoughts
that gave me, in a time I'm in, gave me bad feelings. And it kept me in a place with the
disease called alcoholism because I was still the authority for what I seen and what I did and how I
thought and how I acted. And I came here to learn how not to do that. But nobody would tell me about
this, see where it's at. I had many guys, and you, I know a bunch of you guys must have heard the
same thing I heard, is that just through it all, stay sober. Don't drink. Don't get drunk. Don't
take the first drink. You're going to be a winner. There's nobody going to be a winner.
And that's what I know of with alcoholism, just by looking at and identifying it and then using it.
Using it means ism, thinking, not drinking. And to get this point across, I had to really start
becoming somebody different because my life had to be important now. See, before, my living was
important. The way I, the things I bought, the money I made, what I did with it and so on. My
living was trying to achieve happiness. I was trying to achieve happiness. I was trying to achieve
happiness through women or money or possessions or toys of any kind, motorcycles, dune buggies,
boats, you know, all this kind of stuff. That's the thinking process today that I know a lot of
alcoholics today, this day, are going through the same procedure, the same kind of life, because I
hear it. They are. They can't keep a relationship going. They can't with anybody. It doesn't make
no difference who they are. It could be somebody you really, really love, truly love, or somebody
that's with you that maybe you don't love. But you still can't have a relationship. But you still
can't have a relationship with the world. I couldn't have it with the world because when you
stop and figure out who told me to get angry in a restaurant or who told me that the food was so bad
I have to holler and rant and rave about it, you know. Who told me to use that anger the way I use
it? See, and this is something I have to know. I have to know this. I don't know about you, but I
have to. Because why should I go out in the world?
It's a good world. And it's not a drunken world. I'm not losing my money out there. And I've got
good, good prized, good cars and everything else I need for my life. Before, I had an iron that
hardly runs. And I owed everybody. And I couldn't buy anything. And I couldn't buy anything new
anyway. And now here I'm living in a world. And this world I'm living in is a sober world. And
it's full of good toys that I use. I kept two brand new motorcycles in my front room even.
And I wouldn't put them out in the garage or the yard. I'd put them in my front room, you know.
And, well, man, I've got to look at it. I've got to see it, you know, see. And this is an
accomplishment that I did, me, you know. I never owned nothing like that before, you know. But the
thing about that was is that that didn't treat my alcoholism. So the anger that I already know that
I brought here, I'm going to start using it again. I'm going to start looking at the world. I'm going
to start using it again. I'm going to start looking at the world. I'm going to start looking at the
world differently. Even here, something looked at, and I won't look there. I'll look at something
else, see. And I don't know that the power of the mind is what it is that's doing it to me. But this
is the unconscious mind. This ain't this mind up here. This mind up here is no more than an opinion.
The real man I am is here. Here's the man that's got to go through the steps. This man up here
don't need to go through these steps. Although I have to get here, I have to go through here.
Now, to me, then, to me, I had to really, now, that sounds like double talk. Maybe it does it to
you. I don't know. But it don't to me, see, because of the fact is that I, that's the only way I had
any success. I had to change, and the change means character. But I had to change, and the day I'm in,
and I had to change not what's going through up here, but how I feel it here and react to it here.
See, this is where I didn't know the true character.
That I am lives here. This is where I live here. I don't live up here. That's an opinion. That's
just a temporary thing, and it could go any way at any time for any reason, even. So this is what
these steps are about right now, is to find a way of life in application right now. Now is now,
whether it was this morning at 8 o'clock or right now. This morning at 8 o'clock, it was a now.
Noon was a now. This is a now, right now, at 8.20.
Whatever it is. And so that means that my disease has to be treated as I live the life now.
Now, to do that, I know you have to have help. I know that. Because I could not do this by trial
and error until I kept doing it and did it, did it, did it, did it. And then it finally would
register. God would finally make sure that I had what I needed. And then I used that what I needed
and got the results that I needed at the moment, the moment I was in.
It's the same thing as leaving here tonight and going home. When you go home tonight, I don't know
how many of you get on your knees and pray, or really just thank them, you know, for mentally or
what. But to be that man, I had to always go to that minute that I did that. Now this is a message,
this part. I didn't have a living God. I had a praying God. I had a God of ritual that meant time.
In the morning, I talked to him. In the night, I talked to him. During the day, it's possible.
I might consider him. I might. I might not, too. And I don't know the reason for the 12 steps. I
don't know the application. And I don't know that step two, when it says, I'm going to come to
believe in a power that's greater than me to restore me to sanity. This is a new situation.
This is a now thought. This is a now character change. I'm not getting ready with this step
two for tomorrow. This is something to hear, because I'll tell you,
I tried to try all of this here. I tried it. And it would, it just wouldn't do it. It would not
change me. And the reason it wouldn't change me is because I was the one that said, do it here,
do it there. And whatever that did do, I also controlled that. You don't need to do it here.
I'll call God now. I don't need them now. I'll call him later. See, stuff like that. I didn't
realize that the steps are in the order for him to give me what I need in the moment I live.
I need it now. And I do it right now to this now, because of the fact of what it is. It's a power.
It's a power to draw from, to use. It's an intuitive thought. It might be some kind of
knowledge that I really don't know inside of myself what this knowledge is. I don't need it to
know. All I have to do is be with this living God, think and act with him, and he'll be there for me
without my two bits. So without my concern,
it'll be that way. And so this is what I'm learning here in step application,
that the 12 steps is the program of recovery. The meeting is what it does. That isn't what it's
about. In other words, like I had the idea that the more meetings you go to, I was told this.
The more meetings you go to, the better off you are. And I don't believe that today,
and I haven't for many years. And it was told back then too, that all I had to do is just turn it over.
You know, turn over what? Turn over my thinking. Okay, now how do I turn that over and who do I
turn it to? I got into a big beef, because I don't know what it means to turn it over.
I pray to another man's God, and I get up from my knees, and I go out the door, and I go out the
door with me, and the prayers that I gave there, I left there, because I don't know how to take that
prayer with me. How do you take a prayer with you? Nobody told me. Did you ever hear this at meetings?
I never heard it. And yet though it's in here and it tells me in here that the.. The
situation in step three is when I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of
God as I understood them. How can I turn my will and life over to care of God, when I don't even
know what my will and life is? Do you know what your will and life is? I didn't know.
And so I had to learn that this step's here. This isn't for the future.
This isn't for six months from now. This isn't for some way of maybe for you,
But not for me.
This is for retreat alcoholism to anybody, anybody, I don't care who they are.
But it's in the now.
I don't have to build something and then hang on to it and hope that I can remember what to do when I get there.
The character change that takes place, takes place, and then I take that character with me wherever I go, right here, right now.
I have something with me now that I know what it is.
It is I'm banking on a power that's greater than me.
Decision, a long time ago.
It's a term, my will of my life.
My will is everything about me and my intelligence, my mind, my thinking, and my life is what I do.
And that's right now.
My life is right here, right now.
If I put that in God's care, that means now that there's a power that I'm drawing from instead of the power I am.
Simple as that, but it's not simple.
It's hard to do.
It's hard to keep doing.
It's hard to recognize.
It's hard to recognize that God, if I don't talk to God, I talk to me.
That I need God with me, I don't care where I go.
I don't care where.
And I've had guys ask me all kinds of questions, and they would say, well, how about in the bathroom?
Well, sure I do.
I need God there.
How about in the bedroom?
I had one guy that used to come here all the time.
I'd say, how about in the bedroom?
I'd say, you're damn right going in the bedroom.
I better be the man that God says I am in the bedroom.
Or otherwise, I'll be looking for another one or a divorce.
Or some damn thing.
Simple as that.
That's as simple as it is, too.
So all of this, what I'm saying, really is a way of life.
It's a method of living that guarantees me happiness.
Happiness in here, not out there.
Not in possessions.
Not in somebody else's life.
Not in bank accounts or girls.
Or anything else like that.
To live peacefully inside.
I don't know how to do that by myself.
Because I get ahead of myself, or I get caught up in self-power of the mind for maybe arguing.
Arguing.
And I know how to argue.
I know how to fight.
I know how to do all them things.
And I don't care if it's a woman or a man.
I still know how to do it.
But I don't want to live like that.
And I don't know how not to live like that.
I don't know how not to take...
Emotions or thinking that I've been mistreated.
Or somebody who said something or didn't give me credit for something.
Or maybe even in your own home.
And yet here, it's talking here about a power greater than me that can do for me what I can't do for myself for my life.
Not for problems, but for my life.
What's my life?
My life is right now.
And my life is always in the now.
And this is a message that I'm talking about now.
Because for any of us sitting here tonight...
In this room tonight...
Why not benefit?
Why not see and look inside?
Like I had to quit looking at you and look at me.
This is truth now.
I had to start looking inside of me to recognize exactly what this mind does to me that I have.
Where do I get all of my information?
Where do I get the idea that they should be different?
It is.
Where do I get that?
Did somebody tell me?
Did my neighbor tell me to do that?
Or something like that?
Or something like that?
I had to really be self-honest.
And being self-honest is something that I don't want to do because it's hard to do.
It's hard to look inside of yourself.
It's hard to take the blame.
It's hard to take a no.
It's hard to tell somebody, I'm sorry, man, I really didn't mean that.
If I did it intentionally, it would be different.
But I still apologize because I didn't even know I hurt you.
And I did.
I'm sorry.
But I'm speaking from a power that allows me to go through my life in the day I'm in.
And if I'd make a mistake, it can be corrected.
I don't have to walk around and lug it around and tell everybody and hash it out and so on like that.
I don't need to die during the daytime because of some kind of trouble, some kind of goof or some kind of something happened.
And I didn't perform too.
There is a way.
And I'll call you synonymous.
So the moment I'm in, that can be given to God and corrected.
And when it is, it's corrected to where I don't need to do it.
If I do it again, I still have God with me.
He won't leave me.
He won't forsake me.
He'll take care of me.
This is something I had to learn personally for me.
This ain't something I'm telling you to do.
I'm telling you about a power that's greater than me, which I can't.
I learned how to live with this power in daily living life, which I never could do before.
I could go so far and then something would take over.
Something would happen.
And it would be no more than me, no more than my mind, no more than something that I said it shouldn't be like that.
So do something about it.
And here in Alcoholics Anonymous, we're given, all of us are given, 12 steps.
Each one of us.
The same set of steps.
I don't care where you are.
I don't care who big you are, what color you are, how tough you are, how poor you are, how rich you are, how educated you are.
Them are not qualifying factors for alcoholism.
What's qualifying is recognizing the disease as a disease in each one of us as we do.
If you say it's in you, then it's in you.
I can't say it's in you.
But I can tell you it's in me.
And I can tell you I need to find here in Alcoholics Anonymous something better or something more so that I can have what I see here to have in others.
I see this in others.
I used to see it back in my sponsor.
That was a long time ago.
He was a man of honor.
He was a tall man.
But I never could live like he did because I didn't do what he did.
He went ahead and the day he was in and he lived for that day by the grace, what he called God.
By the grace of God.
And that to me is important because I found out that this is something that I had to have because I didn't know what it was.
I thought maybe it was just saying, okay, there's a God.
So I prayed over in the morning, I prayed over at night, and I did.
You know.
And then I went and lived in the same world, having the same results all the time.
Never knowing and never realizing the step application from the 12 by 12 in step two qualifies me to go to three.
Three qualifies me to have a foundation where I can use my will in accordance with God's will.
This is something means that I can live here now tonight here right here.
And my will is with God's will right now because I talked to him.
I asked him to be there.
I asked him to help us.
You, me, all of us.
And when I do that, that's my will being given to God's will.
And then I depend on the power that's greater than me to give me what I need, not you.
I hope that you will find what you need.
But I cannot say, here's what you need, because I wouldn't know that.
But I do know about a God that I learned to call God here in Alcoholics Anonymous.
And this is.
This is important to talk about because of the fact of what it is.
It's a discussion about a power greater than human power.
And it has nothing to do with religion.
It hasn't got anything to do with you doing something the way I want you to do it.
It hasn't got anything to do with what you call it.
This book here on page 93 tells you that you can have any conception of God you choose provided it makes sense.
It's a power greater than you.
You can live by spiritual principles.
Isn't that amazing?
To me, that's amazing.
That leaves the door wide open for you.
It leaves it for you, for you, for you, for me.
And we all can have the solution.
A power greater than ourself.
The application of step two, where I came to believe in a power greater than me,
to restore me to sanity.
He didn't say I had to believe in God.
He said I had to believe in a power greater than me.
And now I can accept that.
See, because they're not dumping something on me, see.
So this started to make sense to me.
About a way.
I have a way of life that I need.
I have to have.
Not you, me.
I come here for me.
It didn't come for you at all.
So as soon as that started to be in my life that way, then I found out that my mind thinks differently than it used to.
I'm not so fast to find fault.
I'm not so fast to want it my way.
When you ask me a question, I can think about it first and then give you an answer.
I don't have to fly off the handle.
I don't have to do so many things I used to do.
And I didn't know.
I didn't know what that was.
I didn't know how to do differently.
I didn't trust nobody.
And I had to learn to do that.
Now, how can I do that?
The only way I can do it is ask God, would you help me?
Would you help me have a relationship?
Can I trust this person?
Can I believe what he says?
And this I had to go through piecemeal.
And I'm telling you something that's in steps here that you don't have to trial and error.
You don't have to piecemeal this.
You do what it says from page 21 to 1.
Which is the steps.
You do that.
And see what happens to your life.
See what you do.
See how you feel about the world you live in now.
See how you treat people like I used to see how I treated people.
That was important to me.
See, before it was all, it might happen good and it might not.
See?
And most of the time it didn't.
You know.
Because by the time that I recognized trouble, I was in it so damn deep I had to recognize it.
And this is a guarantee again.
That this life that I'm talking about, it's about always about the same thing.
And I said, maybe you might think I'm saying the same thing over and over again.
I'm not really.
And I am, but I'm not.
Because what I just got through talking about, I didn't go through the same wording that I did last week.
Although it was going to the same places all the time.
It was going into alcoholism.
It was going in today.
It was going into this year.
Method to steps.
It was identifying step two.
Necessary.
So that I can live today, like it says, step two, with an open mind.
I never, did you ever question your mind and see if it's open?
Have you been sitting there now for 35 minutes as your mind shut down and said, that's baloney or I don't believe that or I don't need that or anything?
Has it done that?
Did it leave here?
That's a mind with a disease.
Alcoholism.
That's where the power of your life as an alcoholic is.
In the same place, same place.
I used to think it was up here.
And it's here because there's nothing I can do about it here by myself.
I don't have the power.
I want to do something about it, but it don't turn out yet though.
When I go to a power greater than me, I build a new character here and this character is who I am.
I am this man.
I say I am.
And that's something I never could say before.
This is true.
This is something that means a lot to me.
See inside.
Inside of me, I'm proud of my thoughts.
I'm proud of my way I've lived, the way I say things, the way I look at you.
I'm proud of it because of the fact it doesn't go in the sewer like it used to.
It doesn't go sometimes more one way than another way.
It doesn't function that way because God does not function that way.
And I'm living with a living God, a trusting God, trusting a power that I learned here in Alcoholics Anonymous.
And that's the reason for a meeting, an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, because every one of you guys,
you know,
you know how to hurt people, you know how to get drunk, shoot up, or whatever else you do.
You don't have to be told how to do that.
You can do a good job of it yourself.
But to listen to this when I'm talking about it and then try to see if there's something there for you to be aware of it,
I believe that's important.
I believe that message should be carried because this is the purpose, I believe, that I,
God gave me a gift a long time ago for my life.
I knew that.
That was a lot of years ago.
But he also gave me the gift so that that gift allows me.
To share, or to show, or to help someone else, instead of them dying like I was dying.
They can have exactly what it says here, but I can't give it to you.
Wish I could.
But you're here for the same reason I'm here.
The way of life and living in a world that you can live in, that you want to live in.
It's got a, it's a good world.
It's got good, good people in it too.
When before, the only time it was ever good is when somebody favored me or somebody did something for me.
And then the world I was in was a good world.
But the moment I was loose, using my brains or my mind, then right away I'm in trouble again.
See if that isn't true about your life.
It is.
This is what this is for.
Now, you know, I, we have step seven coming up.
So, in sharing, if anybody wants to share, this is not about, this is not about your neighbor.
This is not about your troubles, you know, your many yesterdays, your dramas.
It's about.
It's not about alcoholism.
It's about a way of life.
It's about this day, today, knowing and talking about how great the world you have now, what God can do for you.
Talk about what he did for you, speak of it.
There's a lot of guys here that need to hear that.
I know they do.
I did when I was out there because of the fact that I did not know that this here God that they're talking about is a power that's the steps in the program recovery talks about.
It's not about religion at all.
It's not being against anything.
This is a way of life.
This is something that I know positively.
No, that it's taken me this far.
Why can't I go farther?
I can.
And that's exactly what I do.
So, Ali, but you want to get the basket out and pass it.
Talk about justice.
Justice.
If you are, you're talking about the kind of justice of life living.
Is that what you're talking about?
The program recovery is called a program recovery.
Now, the reason it's called a program recovery is because of the way.
Of life that I have had changes.
In the process.
The way of life changes in far as justice goes.
Justice itself is a word that I really don't know how to, how to call it justice.
I don't know that it's accurate.
The way of life changes in far as justice goes.
Justice itself.
It's word that I really don't know how to how to call it justice.
how you mean it or how you apply it or anything else like that,
because the fact is that to live this way, I get in return all the justice I need of my life,
of my way of life, the people around me, and so on like that.
I have a world that's a good world, and it's not a world that's full of conflict
or it's full of anger and different things that each one of us can name as a way of life.
I live in a world, a quiet world, and the justice you're talking about that I believe that should be there
for that reason is that I don't try to hurt things or hurt people or tear the world up.
I've got something inside of me that's pretty well evened out with the power
so that I don't have to look and keep correcting a behavior or a thinking process
or a way of being attacked by somebody or something.
You know, I don't have to.
I find no quarrel in life in the day I'm in with people.
I find no quarrel.
And I can be as close to this person, whoever it is, as close as we can get in the relationship we have here
with a sponsor, to a baby, or maybe to someone else.
It doesn't make no difference.
And I'm guaranteed all the time that whatever I do, that this character that I am
is going to continue living in a world protected by a power,
that I don't have to get ready for the next two minutes,
and I don't have to watch this and watch that and say it this right way and that right way and so on.
And justice is no more than being here in Alcoa Isidano and realizing the great importance of living this life,
the great importance of being at this meeting.
My life is important to me.
And you can see yourself before the action that you'd put out.
Maybe it was unsecured or you wasn't sure.
You did things, you had to take them back, or you had to go and apologize
because that was done a little bit too strong or too severe and stuff like that.
That's what this is about, what I'm talking about now, and about alcoholism as a disease,
so that if I could live this life today, guaranteed, live it.
This isn't guesswork.
This isn't fire.
This isn't maybe this will do it.
This ain't none of that.
This is a sure-fired hit every time.
And that's what I had the need to know.
And so the justice is you don't have to do anything for me, whoever you are,
because I'm going to be the same man whether you do it or you don't do it, whatever it is.
It doesn't make no difference.
Now, that's a pretty hard statement to make sometimes,
especially when you're doing what you consider an awful lot with somebody else,
especially a wife or girlfriend, something like that,
and have that response back to you because it turns into,
it turns into a fight, an argument, a hatred, a thing, a condemning thing,
or a picking thing, a quarreling thing, and you can't stop it
because of the fact that justice you're talking about,
you haven't done the things you need to do to have justice in your life.
But when you do, that's what you receive.
It's just like the Daily 85 in your big book.
It says, I'm not cheered of alcoholism.
What I really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
Every day is a day.
Every day I must carry the vision of God's will into all of my activities.
What's my activities?
Anything and everything I do.
It doesn't make no difference what it is.
It's my will and my life.
My activities are right here.
Somebody else, you want to get up here and talk or questions or whatever?
Yeah, I'd do that.
Ali, I'll call it.
The question, Bob, is the fear, if the fear comes and the whole character is in charge,
and if the whole character is in charge, then fear is there.
Then how, what to do then?
Like go to step six or that's a defect in how to...
First, build a character that can believe in God.
Trust in something else with an open mind.
Quit arguing, quit quarreling.
Have soundness and wholeness of mind.
And then when you go through four, five, and then six,
you're entirely in six to have God remove all these defects of character.
And it says it's a lifetime practice.
And what that means is any time from this moment on,
whenever you do the program recovery,
and many years later, like me, many years later,
I'm still entirely ready to have God with me right now.
To take care of me now.
If I think maybe a thought, maybe an idea.
I'll ask, I think I should think that.
It don't sound right to me.
How should I take that?
And see, I'm entirely ready to have God with me all the time.
And this is to stop the fears that you're known...
Because you're talking about the two known fears that every alcoholic has.
This is in step seven.
Step seven.
And the two fears there are that you're going to lose something you have
or you're not going to get what you think you deserve.
These two fears are the known fears.
The other fears you're talking about are produced by you
in some kind of a fashion or form that maybe it's going to happen
or it's in the future or something like that.
And so for you to do that, it stands to reason who's telling you to be fearful.
Where are you getting, where are you drawing from?
Where do you get that information?
It's your fear.
Okay, fine.
But why would you want to go to the old character when...
Huh?
No, no, you, no, you do, you, no.
Self doesn't come in the picture until self, let's self in the picture.
Well, when it comes, that's what the steps are for.
See?
Okay, that's what step three says to you.
See?
It says to you that I'm going to make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God
because I understood him.
That's putting my will in alignment with God's will,
and that's the correct use of my will.
And if it's not in alignment with God's will, I better get back there.
So if you're out in that day you're in trying to figure life out
and trying to pick out what's right to do and what's, you know, the thinking or action,
you better recognize self because you know what ominous signs are.
I've talked to you.
Well, I did before.
I taught you a great deal about it, you know.
The minute you get fearful, that's an ominous sign.
You're with self.
The minute you get angry, that's an ominous sign.
Self is coming in the picture.
Alcoholism needs treating.
You better get back to where the power greater than you is because you're going for trouble.
And this is very obvious to each one of us, you know.
I know what I'm doing wrong.
Believe me, I know it.
I know when I'm getting ready to say something that I shouldn't say.
Believe me, I know that.
But I'm not going to say it.
I have a power with me that says, listen to me.
I'll take care of you.
You trust me.
And this is the deal that I made with God in step three when I asked to be relieved of the bondage of self.
I asked God to be with me, guide me, protect me, care for me according to his will, not my will.
Because my will is with him.
Somebody.
Somebody.
May it be you.
My name is Nadir.
I have alcoholism.
Congratulations, Frank.
Awesome.
Thanks, Bob, as usual.
You know, I was just...
I'm getting to a point that I realize that whatever I do in life is very relevant and would affect a lot of things ahead of me.
My future and the future of a lot of other people.
My thoughts, even.
With one thought, it could be...
It was hazardous to some people or could be helpful to some people.
And, you know, I realize today that the redemption actually is the change of heart.
A complete change of heart.
And by becoming that person that you are not even aware of him being within you.
Because I remember when I was out there.
When I was out there in Alcoholics Anonymous.
I was...
It was me and my alcoholism sitting right in front of me in an empty room.
You know, when I was laughing, he was crying.
When I was crying, he was laughing at me.
You know, and when I was walking, it was side by side.
Walking with me.
And I never realized it.
And today, you know, I actually can see.
I actually can see this character right there.
And I can see God in present and sitting there.
Because I want him there.
I don't want to be alone with my alcoholism anymore.
And a lot of, you know, changes are happening in life.
And changes that, you know, I'm not even aware of them being happening.
You know, when a guy who's working with me, he says,
I'm very proud of working for you.
You know, those are the moments that really shake me up.
Because that's not the man I was.
And being aware, the awareness man has been pounding, pounding and pounding on us.
You know, I've been listening to this five years.
Five years now.
Five years.
And I quit going to other meetings.
My choice.
Because I wanted this thing.
I wanted this thing real bad.
And I didn't want to be that man that I was.
You know, with six years of sobriety.
I was crazy.
And, you know, the awareness that this man with his message given me.
If I didn't have alcohol, I would have gotten it a long time ago.
So has all of us in this room.
But unfortunately, as he always said, my alcoholism is alive and well.
And it's present.
Right?
Now.
And the only way that I can live with it is to be aware of it as I open my eyes.
And as I'm driving to work.
You know, I can't even let him just even scratch the surface.
Because there he is again.
You know, with his long claws coming right at me.
All over me.
You know.
And I don't like that.
I don't like that feeling anymore.
And I said, now it's me, my alcoholism and God present in that room.
You know, and with that power.
I'm really safe.
But if I don't have that power, then again, here we are.
He won't let me be happy.
My alcoholism won't let me laugh.
You know.
Because look at all the sad things.
Look at all the things you have done in the past.
You know.
Takes me right out of now.
You know.
As he always talks about, my life is happening now.
And my alcoholism is alive and well right now.
I need treatment right now.
You know.
Today, I had a great day.
Because I went down on my knees.
And I asked him four times.
How am I doing, God?
That's my prayer, actually.
How am I doing?
And you know, the answer is, you're doing okay.
Keep on doing whatever you're doing.
You know.
And I can go on.
I can go on.
I can drive home.
I can stay in one lane.
And don't get pissed off about that person.
Because I'm not that character.
And this transformation, I think, happens with a lot of willingness.
And with basically hitting a bottom.
I think even sober people need to hit a bottom.
To be able to get up and say, I don't want to be like that anymore.
Because I didn't want to be like that anymore.
You know.
And this room really changed my whole life.
And I have a life beyond my wildest imagination.
And then it says more will be revealed.
You know.
I can't wait.
Because I'm content.
I'm really content of what I have in life.
I'm really grateful.
And I show my appreciation.
Because now, those old cliches of A and R sound right.
Now.
Now, in this frame of mind that I'm today.
You know, when they say that, you know, gratitude is the attitude.
You know.
I thought I had to fake that gratitude.
So, my attitude changes.
I didn't know that my character has to be grateful for other people to really be attracted to me.
You know, without me knowing.
I am transferring love and God.
And I can go to work.
And I can create a lot of good stuff.
As I said.
I'm responsible.
And a lot of things have happened.
You know, the law of karma.
Actually, the law of karma is happening in the entire universe.
You know.
But, you know, as the Sermon on the Mount says.
That I can't put it down every morning.
Is that, you know, we are lucky that, you know, we have this other God.
You know.
Don't talk about religion.
This other God.
That, you know, He has mercy on us.
And He can really forgive us for whatever we have done yesterday.
Because today is a brand new day.
And go there.
And just, you know, just do better.
Just to be a better man.
And, you know, all the information in those tapes and those books.
And, you know, I never knew I can help build this character.
Build this man that I am today.
You know.
And it really does.
And, you know, disciplining.
Disciplining means that, you know, just choking that old character.
And alcoholism, actually.
And with that, you know, I can feel the flow of God in.
And as he says, you know.
Just go straight at him.
Because, you know, he just cut the middle man.
I thought I got to call my sponsor so he can call, talk to God.
And then he can tell me what's up.
You know.
So, today I can just ask him, how am I doing?
Help me.
I really need help.
I can say, hold on to the important phone call.
And I say, God, you there?
You with me?
Because I'm not with you.
Because I am not.
I'm the one who is not with him.
He's always with me.
I know that for sure.
And it's a wonderful way of life.
Um.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't know why, you know, why we are here and others are not.
And do all the questions that, you know, people ask in AM meetings.
But I really think we're the privileged ones.
We are very privileged to be in this time zone.
And, you know, with this message.
And with this man who shared so enthusiastically.
That really has affected me in this last five years I've been listening to.
Thanks for letting me share.
Thank you.
Hi, I'm Dennis.
I'm an alcoholic.
This weekend I picked up my daughter on Thursday.
And I get to practice this program at home.
And I just came out of a relationship.
And I've been forced to work this program the way that Bob presents it.
And I got to share it with my daughter this weekend.
You know, she's forged a couple of her documents from school.
It's her mom's signature.
And she was caught hugging some little kid at the YMCA.
And her grandmother said she dressed like a slut.
And, you know, she went through quite a heavy day on Thursday.
And, you know, she was beginning to lose faith in herself and in the human world around her.
And her mom wasn't sure what to do with her.
And she didn't think her mother loved her because her mother's trying to get a new relationship going.
You know, all kinds of things are going on with this little girl.
She just moved to a new neighborhood, you know, miles and miles away.
And, you know, all my experiences, I could relate to her.
But that still wouldn't have given me a solution to give to her until I came here to this room, you know,
to get a living application in the day that I'm in to give to her.
And.
You know, there's it's amazing how you can start out with step one and describe the problem that you're having here,
this problem, and then start with the solution in step two of realizing that the human will and earthly things will always fail.
You know, that any time I put faith in them, they're always something will always go wrong.
You know, even with the best of intentions, humans are incapable of, in my experience, of ever being.
Anything close to what God's power has.
And, you know, going to this third step and turning, you know, turning my will and my life over over to that power to solve my problems today, you know,
and then look at the problem and, you know, see if see where the wrong was for her, you know,
and showing her that, you know, it's not appropriate behavior to to forge documents.
And where are you coming up with these ideas from?
And, you know, I kind of stayed off the dressing and I kind of strayed off the grandmother.
You know.
And her and her and her judgment of my daughter and try to get my daughter into practicing a new character,
because if she doesn't get into a new character, she's going to stay in the old one.
And the old one's full of self-pity right now because the whole her whole world is just torn apart.
And, you know, we ended up having a great four days together living in the now.
And every time somebody would speak, we went to a meeting and the guy was sharing his experience, strength and hope, you know, and talking about human will.
Failing in several circumstances and out there in the world that we were living in on the beach and and interacting with other people.
We got to see how human will failed.
And, you know, we had a real comfortable weekend staying in the here and the now where God was.
And, you know, I truly am grateful for this message of the new character solving all of my problems.
And that's the only way they're ever going to go go away.
I mean, the old character is still alive.
And me, I know that for a fact, after what I've been through this last month, month and a half and this last couple of weeks, I've really managed to do a daily thing on the steps and in in the day that I'm in and really work it out.
It's been quite an experience.
Thanks.
I was calling an alcoholic.
I want to thank God and the program of alcoholics on us for my sobriety today.
I want to congratulate Frank on his his year.
It's where he said I really get up there.
You know, I'm an alcoholic and I have a program to fashion and live my my life by align my will with God's will.
You know, when I came in here, I I was a lot sicker than I am today, though today I still am.
I still suffer from the same defects of character that I came in here, but to a much less degree and for the most part, most of the defects I've.
Suffer from I vigorously try to abstain from employing them in my life.
But there are some like when it comes to honesty, I have a real hard time with and I deliberately still am dishonest in some parts of my life.
You know, I can't help that, especially when it comes to finances, when it comes to money, when it comes to taxes or so.
This is one area that I have not been able to turn my will in my life over to care of God at all and stuff.
And, you know, I deliberately do things.
But these days associated with that.
Deliverance is a real guilt or so a guilt that could be really slight.
But if I let my brain get to it, it could just build and build and build into a real mountain.
You know, I can really destroy my serenity and stuff, you know, the serenity that I think I'm getting from cheating and lying and stuff like that, you know.
And and then when I and then sometimes when I do make a honest decision, I feel guilty for not making the wrong decision that would have generated more income or something like that.
So it's a it's like a cash 20%.
22 or whatever you call it and stuff.
But, you know, it's a it's shown that I in many ways, I'm not turning my entire life over to the care of God.
There's only some parts that I am, I guess, the easy parts.
But I have turned a lot of it over.
I'm still trying to turn more of it over and stuff.
But, you know, yesterday I had to make a decision about, you know, finances and stuff.
And I made a decision this morning.
I felt guilty about it and stuff.
And it ruined my day.
It really planted that seed that just festered all day long.
It created anxiety.
Remorse, depression and everything like that, just because of a decision and stuff.
You know, it says in the big book that, you know, you know, I'm not saying that I do not want to give up my defects of character, but it's just that it's some at this point in my life that I just cannot do it.
I just cannot physically get myself to do certain things and stuff, you know, but I am trying and I'm I guess I'm asking for God for the direction to do that and stuff because I'm an alcoholic and, you know, I've just got this list that has honesty at the very top and honesty.
I'm generally very honest with a lot of people.
They're all my friends and the people out there, but when it comes to some things, I just cannot be honest with you, but I'm trying and I hope you have a good vacation, Bob.
It's always good to see you.
See you.
Hello.
Ron.
Hi, Ron.
I'm an alcoholic.
You know, a long time ago, Bob, you'll remember this.
When?
You told me that we're unaware of the character change taking place and I didn't argue with himself, argued with self in my head and, you know, self argued with this and this argued with self and, you know, I took it on faith that this was true.
And you remember I was talking to you around Christmas time when I was over about compassion and that I needed to have more compassion.
And you remember I was talking to you around Christmas time when I was over about compassion and that I needed to have more compassion.
And you remember I was talking to you around Christmas time when I was over about compassion and that I needed to have more compassion.
Oh, happy birthday, Frank.
Thank you, Ron.
And on Saturday, I was involved in the conversation.
A few people were sitting around talking and people were being talked about in a very positive light.
And, you know, there was a lot of hope for these people.
And I kept saying, well, they're going through a rough patch.
And then somebody else would be mentioned and I kept saying, well, they're going through a rough patch.
And then somebody else would be mentioned and I kept saying, well, they're going through a rough patch.
And see, I've never done that before because I can give you doctoral dissertations on people, their personalities, why they're doing things they do.
And I didn't think about that until today.
I was kind of, you know, driving around and somebody had said that afternoon, well, you're just saying they're going through a rough patch.
I mean, you know, and basically for me, that was compassion because I did not have to go and give a doctoral dissertation.
Or an opinion about why this person was behaving or acting in a certain way.
I just was aware that, okay, they're having a rough time.
And so I didn't have to get into all the self-thinking about other people, what they're doing, you know, more or less going inside other people's heads.
And that's a big change for me.
You know, that is a very big change for me that I can just sit back and say, well, maybe they're having a rough time.
You know, I don't need to.
I don't need to go any further than that.
And so, you know, that was, you know, that was the joyous realization of my life today.
So thank you.
Who else?
Eric?
My name's Eric.
I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks, Casey.
And...
I'm sober today because, you know, Alcoholics Anonymous is here.
And I have a really good life today.
And a lot of that reason is because of what we talk about here.
And so, you know, thanks.
I don't always say thanks, but thank you.
And thank, you know, I'd like to say thanks to everyone in here, you know, who participates.
Because, like tonight, there was a lot of good stuff said tonight.
Like Ali, you know, had a good question.
And Nadir had some good things to say.
And everybody.
And, you know, I was one of those guys today that did his taxes this morning, you know.
And I didn't even have all the forms.
So, you can imagine, I had a day like I...
I had moments in the day that I don't usually have anymore.
I was...
I got resentful.
I was condemning.
I was mean of people.
And it was this sort of thing.
I need forms now.
And I need them, you know, it's 2 o'clock.
I finally got done with this junk, you know.
And I went through the little honesty battle, you know, that Carl was talking about, you know.
And then I got to go and find forms at places.
Well, this one stationery store, they're out.
Can't get them.
So, I go somewhere else.
The guy tells me, well, today's the last day.
We sent everything back yesterday.
And I'm thinking to myself, well, if today's the last day...
Why didn't you send them back tomorrow so I could have them?
And so, I'm driving out of that place.
And what I say is condemning.
While I'm driving, I'm condemning that person in that store.
And then, sure enough, people are driving awful slow today.
You know, all the way to my house, driving really slow.
Unbelievable, you know.
And what makes this humorous...
This did not, like, start at 8 a.m. and last till 5.
It kept recurring, okay, because self was strong.
And I wanted what I wanted, and there were fears.
But what happened is, what I've come to learn from this meeting is,
any time I feel what I call uncomfortable, which covers everything aside from comfortable, you know.
I didn't used to know what comfort was until some, maybe a couple years, you know.
And that was a year and a half listening here and participating here.
I used to think comfortable was what I was when things weren't going really bad, okay?
And now I know what comfort is.
So, any time I'm not feeling that, that's where I know I have to make contact with God.
You know, I have...
Today, I went through things about fear, and I continually have things of fear.
But that's an uncomfortable thing.
I know right away now.
It's an alarm, man.
It's like, wow.
And I know right away that I have a choice to do something.
And I always make that choice, whether it comes in one second or 30 seconds.
That varies, you know, in each time.
And today, that's what happened.
I would go to God, and I would ask for help.
I would say, like I heard a man say here, I'm up to my old tricks again.
I would...
I relate to God that, hey, my head is killing me right now.
I need help here.
Could you help me out here?
I'm dying right now.
That's what I said today.
And then I would have a good moment until I hit the next stationary store.
And boom, my head gets me again.
And I've become aware of it and over.
And I'm not carrying it with me tonight.
For the most part, it was a very good day.
But I had...
You know, I can relate to what's going on here.
And I'm really glad that I have a method of living that I can turn to
so that I don't have to live resentfully for long periods of time
or hateful or really scared.
And what would happen with me is I would go back to drinking.
You know, this is AA.
This is an AA meeting.
And the bottom line for me is that that's how I treated all my problems.
And when I didn't have any problems and I just had to drink anyways, you know.
And so this message allows me to live a life where I don't have to drink
and I can be comfortable.
So thanks, everyone.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Somebody else?
Bob, could you talk a little bit about First Things First
and how that relates to your manageable life?
Yeah, I had a sponsor that he laid down some of what we call ground rules,
you know, in the beginning of Alcoholics Anonymous, you know.
And one of them was First Things First.
And I never knew what First Things First meant, you know.
And he said...
He said it's a way of life that you'll do the rest of your life, you know.
And First Things First was always that in my life, as each day comes and goes,
there's always something that's primary.
There's always something that has to have some kind of an attention before something else, you know.
After I get up and back them years where I'd get up and shave and eat breakfast or whatever I did
and then I'd go across over into work and all that.
And First Things First meant that...
Whatever...
Because the thing that was bothering my life the most in the day I was in,
whatever that was, had to have priority over everything else.
Now, that might not seem like much, but it becomes a way of life
or it becomes something so that I can live in this world without the unmanageable life, you know.
So I found out that I have to be the one to have self-honesty.
That's another principle he taught in the beginning.
And the self-honesty is to see me for who I am.
And what needs to be done in the day I'm in or how...
Like going to work, you know.
I have to work.
Now, that would be one thing.
Like in the beginning, where he was teaching me First Things First is,
for my life, he had to put me in an Alky hospital.
After he got me out of the Alky hospital, he got me back into my apartment by paying the rent and some food.
Then he got me an appointment with my boss that had fired me.
And to get...
I had to get the job back so that the day I lived in, I'd have an income, you know.
And so it went from there like that into today's life.
It's like this morning when you woke up, you know, or in your life today, First Things First.
What's the major thing that needs attention in your life today?
What is the major thing?
If you don't look at that, then what you'll do, you'll bypass it or you'll shove it aside
or you'll think in terms that you don't have to do it right now.
But self-honesty of self will stop that, whatever that is.
So First Things First in each and every one of our lives could be many things.
But you must recognize, though, what I'm talking about and put some importance there.
As soon as that gets in motion to correct that, whatever that is,
as something that will hurt your life, unmanageable life or anything else,
then you have to go into your life the second thing.
That's got to go into a motion.
The first thing is...
So in other words, First Things First doesn't mean you're...
wait till you fix something or get it over with
and then go to the second thing that needs attention.
Well, I didn't know how to have a productive life, see, you know, when I got here
because I was procrastinating.
I had, you know, the laziness and all the things with me that I used, you know,
when it seemed like it was something terrific or hard to do or I didn't want to do,
I'd shove it aside.
And that's First Things First.
So the next thing, you know, here...
I'm living in a world now that all things are getting done
and I have a pretty good life.
The First Things First could even be cutting grass or anything like that,
like your horses or anything like that.
If you don't take care of their hooves,
making sure that they get the shoes put on them
and then send them out there, they'll probably get hurt.
And, you know, all you did was slough it off
and they've been sloughing it off for about a week.
First Things First was...
that should have been considered.
That's something that you needed to do
whenever you were supposed to do it, you know.
And then that's...
it's like paying a traffic ticket.
Don't pay it.
Put it in the drawer.
And leave it sit there.
First Things First, you know.
See how long it takes before you get another one or a warrant or you're in jail.
Well, the quality of your life and the day you're in is all he was talking about.
It's that I had to pay attention to what was necessary in my life
and the day I was in by...
by...
by...
First Things First.
I have to...
I have to do whatever that is.
Now, you stop and think about that, you know.
That could be about, you know, anything,
like your job that you're at, you know.
First Things First is maybe when you get there in the morning.
Maybe you have to stop and meditate a prayer or something like that
so that you can act or behave correctly
when you get there, whether they're going to swarm you or not.
There doesn't mean no difference, you know.
But First Things First that you, as whoever you are,
You must recognize this as a principle to use in your life forever, for today, any day.
See, first things first.
You'll be surprised what will happen to your life as you look at it like that,
because there are things that cause an unmanageable life.
And this is very well known and proven in every one of our lives.
When you don't take care of something, and it builds and builds and builds,
and then all of a sudden you have to take care of it.
By that time, though, the damn world is just as upside down as it can get.
And it's that way with people or jobs or anything else like that.
When it could have been a long time ago, a long time ago could have been yesterday,
could have been a week ago or whatever.
I'm not saying that you go backwards in the years,
but I'm talking about being able today, this day here.
First things first.
What is a major thing that needs to be done in my life today?
As I live my life today, the first thing.
Put that in motion, and then the second thing.
The next thing, there's nothing else there even to worry about or to be concerned about.
And it might sound stupid or something like that, but believe me, it isn't,
because of the fact of what happens to your life.
First things first will make you a man in your eyes and God's eyes
because of what you stand for.
You stand on your own two feet.
You do the things that are necessary for your life.
Whether you like it or not, you're still going to do them.
And you have something now that you don't have to run from or hide from
or be afraid of or anything else like that, see?
And so this here, what I'm talking about, first things first,
is hard at first to recognize it as a necessity or something that's there.
First things first.
Try to look at your life today, any of you, your life today.
See what first things first would mean.
What in your life today should be paid attention to?
What is it?
Why can't that start out in the morning so that that will be eliminated,
whatever that is?
It can.
But it has to be there to pay attention to.
You cannot do this and think, ah, the hell with it.
It isn't worth it.
It isn't necessary.
It ain't big enough or it ain't important enough or something like that.
Yes, it is.
If it's causing you trouble, if it's showing you what an unmanageable life is,
it might be just a relationship.
It might be a relationship.
Just like with the job you've got, Ken, you know.
I used to have a job like that, too, see, you know.
And I had to fight people and I had to get ready for people
and I had to get prepared for everybody else so that I could handle them
and things like that.
First things first then, I never knew that.
I was drinking then.
But I knew I would know today how to go to work
and I know how to treat people, how to talk to people.
And that was my problem, see, you know.
But I never considered these people.
You know, as needing to have an attention that I could give them
so that I could have a life of my own that's a good life, you know,
and it's a manageable life.
That might seem difficult to you now, but I'll tell you what.
Talk about it more.
We'll talk about it more or we'll see it more later on or something like that.
Somebody else?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm going to go.
I've never been there before.
I'm searching out, venturing out, trying to find a way to do it.
And I like that, what you said about first things first.
And the thing I was looking for was, you know, the solution.
Like, my specific deal lately, and it's really, you know, my ego.
I haven't really been talking about it because I've been sober for many years.
But I've been getting wrapped up in it.
The human race sucks, right?
I don't like people very much.
You know what I mean?
People let you down, you know.
And I don't trust them that much.
And I've got a couple of things to ask you recently.
And you talked about, you know, like, you know, trying to, you know,
this building is, you know, it's a good building.
So I would like, you know, and the solution is, I heard the solution.
You said in the morning, you've got to take care of it in the morning.
But I've been really wrapped up in it for a while.
It's causing me a lot of discomfort.
Can you touch on, have you ever been in that space, and you're surprised with that?
You know, almost all things that you're talking about from the disease of alcoholism
is the mind-powered disease.
It's all pretty much the same.
Because even though we're...
It's all pretty much the same.
It's all pretty much the same.
And I've heard from different walks of life and different characters and all that,
and in different jobs and all that, is that the mind that talks to you is your mind,
and my mind that talks to me is my mind.
And the disease lives in the mind, and so the effect it has on me
is the same effect it has on you.
And this means that that's why there's only one set of steps.
There's only 12 of them.
And these 12 steps is building a new character in the day you live in
so that this path that you're talking about,
that you're talking about now, or these yesterdays, or anything like that,
I could be somebody different than I ever could be before,
but not by me and not by my past.
I have to actually change or build a new character
according to the will of God and the steps and the principles of the application.
Two ingredients.
Then, when that happens, this here business now,
first things first, or this thing of things left undone or unmanageable life,
and all of that, that doesn't become something that is there anymore to upset me.
It's there until I apply steps and start living this way,
and that's what it means like clearing away the records of the past, you know,
and then start doing things today so that this day today is in God's care and hands and so on.
Just to get rid of problems or identify them
or to think that there is only one thing wrong with you
or one situation or one problem,
see, that's not right.
See, that wouldn't be right.
Because this isn't a problem-solving way of living.
This is a new way of living where the problems aren't there to start to have to solve.
And that there is pretty sometimes hard to, you know, to hear it right,
but it's true because I don't walk around with what I was loaded with before
that gave me the problems all the time.
I don't walk around like that.
I don't walk around in creating trouble with somebody,
or a wife, or kids,
or neighbors, or a boss, or drivers, or something like that.
But the only reason why is because I'm not loaded with me
so that me don't do these things I used to do
so that the hurt and the harms are there from me.
See?
And that's pretty hard sometimes to swallow the truth about yourself, you know.
But that's what these steps are all about, see?
And it even talks like that in the steps
that I have swallowed the big chunks of truth about myself, you know.
Because I identify with the problem.
And the problem isn't out in the world or in you, it's in me.
But to do that, though, I have to have help.
And I have to be taught and shown the application.
And then I can live like this.
And then as I build my life and the day I'm in,
I am that man that God says I'll be.
And that's what this here program, recovery, and why it's called a program recovery.
And this doesn't take time.
Not me, not my bucket, though.
This here, you start doing this right now.
Right now means now.
And then you start living this day by day as each day comes.
You don't live it beforehand.
And you don't live today to get ready for tomorrow and these things.
You live for today's life by living in today's life
according to the will of God and the steps.
That's a big far cry, see, from what a message that somebody might tell you before.
Tell you, you know, is that you'll eventually make it
and you'll be a winner eventually, see?
That's what they used to tell me.
And as I lived the days into months into two and a half years,
hell, I was worse in two and a half years than I was when I got here.
And I was trying to do everything they said, you know.
And so here, I'm saying something that I did.
I'm saying something that's in print.
I'm saying something here.
The guarantee is always with a power greater than any human power.
Each one of us.
So the method is the 12-step application.
And the problems, like we're talking about, the fears and everything else like that,
you know,
or the things like with you, Ken, or Casey here,
this here is a guarantee that these, whatever these are,
whether they're horses or whatever they are, you know,
or wives or anything else, it's going to end
because the new character doesn't live so that that is the problem.
Pretty hard to hear sometimes.
You know, Rudy is getting late.
He's getting late, so that clock's slow.
No, the clock's slow.
No, the clock's slow.
No, the clock's slow.
No, the clock's slow.
No, the clock's slow.
No, the clock's slow.
And we need one or two people for, you know,
for the...
for the coffee table.
It's, uh, it's very, uh, it's good.
It's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
It's going to fall back in.
And, uh, also, we want to wish Bob a good trip tonight
because he's going to Germany for medical reasons.
And, uh,
he's going to be back in, uh,
in about a month or two weeks.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Two weeks.
Hi, I'm Peter.
I'm an alcoholic.
Good night, Peter.
In the corner of our literature.
And also we got a misprinting of the e-book collection of papers, so stop and sit here on the way out.
Let me know what you need.
Thank you.
Can I hear you guys on the stage?
Yeah, I'm going to go.
My name is Casey.
My name is Casey.
And we have some fire up here.
One of them, I'm just going to give you a little insight about a little more detail about what albumology is.
This, again, is not related to alcoholism.
It's more related to talking about alcoholism and disease.
Now, it's received by Bob Anderson and me, myself, and some other people.
It's not, again, alcoholism.
There's directions to Friday Van Geen, which definitely needs to be reported.
There's a little more people that are this Friday.
It's going to be growing.
But if you guys can make it over there, there's the same format.
There's men and women.
It's an open meeting, but it's a mini-stack.
And it's a really good meeting.
It's at a great church, a nice, huge church.
And so you guys ought to go over there and check it out.
And there's another fire.
I think a little more information about police and patrol.
You can hear me here, but I know you all know that I can hear you more and more.
We got a case here.
One is a retreat for men to see.
It's a...
We got about eight contestants, and that is, you know, girl.
I'm running a retreat for three days.
There's a workshop.
It's a one-day deal.
It's supposed to be a few hours.
And there's a women's retreat.
There's individual dates.
There's meetings that are paid before anything is a date.
And, you know, these dates are built for myself.
And it's still a really good one.
I'm just going to walk out of here.
I'm just going to walk out of here.
I'm going to do this room.
These dates have been...
They're here for you, and we're going to continue in our retreat.
All right.
Thank you.
That's it?
Well, thank you all for being here tonight.
And after a moment...
Happy birthday, too.
After a moment of meditation, we'll close with a large prayer.