Julie A. at the Don’t Sweat the Summer Big Book Workshop – 2025

About This Speaker Tape

New Jersey, 2025. A frail vessel with a sore throat stands before a room, admitting she spent seven years "loaded in meetings" before getting sober. Julie A. describes a life of mental gymnastics, where she was hypnotized by her own voice and a philosophy degree, believing she was more complicated than the rest of the room

. She recounts the wreckage of a late-stage relapse at ten years sober—not a return to the bottle, but a total collapse of self-will. She tried to bypass the grit of self-examination with four-hour meditations on her throat chakra, only to find she was still lying to herself.

For Julie, the Big Book isn't about sobriety, but about seeking power. She speaks of the "bondage of self" and the delusion that life can be managed well. Now, she brings her vessel in whatever condition it's in, surrendering to a Higher Power to escape the autopilot of her own prejudice.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Julie A. opens with the fear of speaking and the need to live in reality.
• 4:15 Laughter: Story about being 'loaded in meetings' and arguing with a chairperson about singleness of purpose.
• 8:30 Discussion of Step 2 and the 'Chapter to the Agnostics' in the Big Book.
• 12:45 Julie A. describes the 'myths' of Step 2 and the danger of obsessing over a concept of a Higher Power.
• 16:20 The downfall at ten years sober: stopping self-examination and the impact of COVID-19.
• 21:10 The failure of 'groovy spiritual stuff' and throat chakra meditations without the program of self-examination.
• 26:40 Analysis of Step 3 and the 'bondage of self' as the root of mental agitation.
• 31:15 Julie A. reflects on her 'educational variety' of spiritual awakening and the role of her sponsor, Nicoletta N.