I’ve Never Driven a Forklift Sober — Be Grateful When Lowe’s Blocks Off the Aisle 🤦 – Sandy V.

Hey everybody, let's have an AA meeting. My name is Julie and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NAVA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our own stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they've established their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in our lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. We hope that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabluchipspeakers.org, desperately in need, will hear our speaker, and we believe it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, Yes, I am one of them, too. I must have this thing. All right, I have the pleasure of introducing our speaker. Tonight, I have known Sandy since, probably since she came in to the program, maybe not. We went to the 930 meeting together on the other side of this wall for a lot of years and because that's my home group, and for a while it was your home group, too, I think. You know, it's just been a real pleasure to watch her grow in the program. You know, we do become completely different people. And, you know, when she came in, and you're going to call me a liar after she tells her story, but when she came in, she was really very bitter and angry. And hard to talk to, you know, just tough, like a lot of us are. So, at the end of her story, I'm sure you will say, Oh, you're lying, that can't be true, because she's definitely none of those things now. So, we've got to give you a scene. Thank you, Julie. My name is Sandy. I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is August the 8th, 2003. I'll be celebrating 14 years this year. And I love the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. So, I'm a little bit... I'm a little bit nervous now, but in about 10 minutes, I'll ease right into it. So, y'all just give me a few minutes to breathe into it. And, anyway, so, I'm going to tell you in a general way what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. Which is, to me, the most important part, because it's a whole lot different, like Julie was saying. But, I want to read two definitions before I start. I always like to give you something to think about. So, the thing I want to impart on... And, everyone, when I'm here, is hope. And, the definition of hope is to cherish a desire with anticipation, or to want something to happen, or to be true. Like the hope of a promotion, the hope of something good, the hope to be invited, the hope that someone's doing well. You know, so, I hope that something that I say will help someone tonight. You know, and that's God's part. I really try to ask God to speak through me. And, the message that I want to send today is the message of perseverance. And, I'll tell you, the last year, I have really persevered. And, when we get to the end part of my story, you'll understand what I'm saying. But, the definition of perseverance is continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition, or steadfastness. And, if you're new in the program, the biggest thing is don't give up. Stay. Persevere. Keep doing it. So, with that, I'm going to tell you about the drunk Sandy. I grew up, my parents were very young when they had me. So, I didn't have a whole lot of parenting. I wasn't abused. I just pretty much did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. They were divorced when I was young. I was a latchkey kid. And, when I was about 15, I went to go live with my father. And, he had a wife. It was just a few. He was younger than me at the time. And, I kind of became the red-headed stepchild. So, that was when I found alcohol. I actually found smokable alcohol first. And, I was like, whoa, this is good. And, then I went on to drinking, you know, alcoholically pretty much immediately when I was about 15 in high school. And, I grew up in Fayette County. And, back then, Fayette County was dry. Well, no, I take that back. Fayetteville was dry. But, so, you had to go to either Petrie City or drive to Riverdale to get beer, wine, whatever you wanted. So, you know, a couple of girls, we'd drive to the liquor store. We'd sit in front and wait for someone who looked cool to buy alcohol for us. I'm sure you guys all did that before. And, then we would, you know, proceed to drink as much as we could as fast as we could to oblivion. And, you know, I just remember all the time that I drank, from the first time, my goal was oblivion. My goal was to get as drunk as I could, as quick as I could. I didn't want to drink for the effect. I didn't drink because everybody was doing it and it was cool. I did it because there was a hole in me that took me a long time to figure out where it came from. But, through the steps, I did figure out some things that made me need to fill that hole with a substance rather than God. So, I drank a lot. And, I drank a lot. And, then I decided to become a bartender. So, I drank a lot. So, I could drink a lot more. So, I drank alcoholically every night. And, I started drinking at 15 and I stopped at 38. So, I had about 25 good years of drinking. And, you know, much like everybody else, I got in a little bit of trouble. But, for the most part, alcohol was fun. You know, I enjoyed drinking. I enjoyed going, hanging out with my girlfriends and going to the clubs and partying. And, I didn't have that bad of consequences. We'd all be hungover and we'd go to the pool and drink more the next day and get over the hangover. And, that was just what we did, you know. And, you know, as you get older, the hangovers hurt more than they used to. So, back then, you could get over them pretty quickly. But, as I got older, they weren't so good. So, I got one DUI when I was 18 years old, by the grace of God. There were so many times when I drank and don't remember and blacked out. I drank pretty much every night. I drank for 25 years. Because, when I left my job, we went to the next bar and gave them our money to get us drunk. So, it was a miracle that I didn't kill anybody, that I didn't hurt anybody. One thing that I remember was I had borrowed someone's Jeep and I woke up the next morning and there was a mailbox stuck between the rear view mirror and the door. You know. And, you know, it's funny to think about. But, you know, you've heard the story where, you know, it was someone's head, you know. Somebody put their head out the window. Somebody hit something and there's a body sitting there and no head, you know. So, it was just amazing. And, you know, the end of that story was I looked and I was like, oh my God. So, I quickly removed it, put it in the truck and took it like three apartment complexes over and threw it in the dumpster. You know. You know, I didn't even, I had no idea where it came from. There was many, many, many other drinking stories and many negative repercussions. It started to get worse. I started to miss days of work. I was in the food and beverage industry and I had gotten pretty high in the business. I was the assistant food and beverage manager at the last hotel that I worked at. And it got to where I had to start leaving jobs before they found out about me. My drink of choice, I don't like to talk too much about it, but my drink of choice was Grand Meunier. And I would easily drink at least a bottle while I was at work during the week. So, I got very crafty with numbers because I was the assistant food and beverage manager. You know. So, I learned how to pad things and try things. You know. Charge people for more things and, you know, all the shifty things that we do to get what we need to get. And I was very crafty at it. And I never really thought of myself as a thief. And through getting sober and getting through the step work, I realized that I didn't pay for any of those drinks. There were many, many times when regular customers came in and they would get charged for every other drink. Which, that's the perfect bartender, right? You know. And, you know, I didn't supplement those drinks. But they supplemented my pocket with more tips because they got larger drinks and free drinks. So, that was theft also. I just thought that I was not a thief because I never actually reached into the cash drawer and put money in my pocket. And I also took many, many, many bottles of wine home with me for weekend parties and dinner parties and friends. And, you know, I was a thief. You know. That's the bottom line. And as my alcoholism got worse, I used to be fun. You know. I used to have a really good time. And then I became kind of like obnoxious every once in a while. And then I became obnoxious every single time. And then people stopped inviting me places. You know. I didn't really get any invites anymore. And towards the end of my drinking, I think it was about three or four years before I quit drinking. I got up one morning and my car was missing in the parking lot. And my boyfriend, you know, victim at the time, I guess you could say, was like, Oh, you need to call the cops. You know. Your car has been stolen. My car wasn't stolen. My car was repossessed. And, you know, I've shared this before. But there was a sense of relief when I knew that my car was repossessed because I really knew I had no business driving anymore. Because alcohol. I was going to kill someone. So. But, you know, being the good alcoholic, I was kind of like, oh, this is great. You know. This way I don't have to pay for car insurance. And I don't have to pay a car payment. And I can just ride the bus and put my backpack on. And drink on the bus. You know. And I acted like it was like some great thing that I had, you know, gotten my car taken away from me because I was irresponsible. And I wasn't paying my bills. I wasn't paying my bills anymore because alcohol was just way more important than having a vehicle. You know. But I was grateful because I was really had gotten to the point where I was very fearful that I wasn't going to kill somebody. My friend Tinsley is not here tonight. But I'll share his favorite story. His favorite story about my drinking is my last few years of drinking I worked at Lowe's. And I was a forklift driver. And I was a forklift driver. And I drove every forklift that they have at Lowe's. And to this day I've never driven a forklift sober. So, you know, the joke is, you know, when you go to Home Depot or you go to Lowe's and they block off the aisles and it happens to be the aisle that you want something out of, be grateful that they do that. Because I was the one that was up there getting something like top stock. And I was intoxicated all the time at work. I remember one time that I was outside working in the lawn and garden center. And I was really hungover. And all of a sudden I was like, okay, it's really hot and I think I'm going to faint. And I knew that if I fainted they were going to test me. They were going to, you know, it was going to be a problem. So I remember just barely making it through the double doors. The Lowe's right over there in Chambly. Just barely making it through the double doors. And they had a swing there. And I just dove onto the swing. And I wake up and like three people, customers, are standing over me going, are you okay? Are you okay? And I played it off like, yeah, I just got really faint out there. I didn't drink enough water today. But I was just raging hungover drunk. You know, hungover and drunk. When I lost my driver's license in my back, I had my backpack all the time. So in my backpack was always, there were three or four things that were always in there. One was a bottle of Grand Meunier. Two was sometimes some smokable alcohol. Three was perfume. And four was gum. Or bread mints or something like that. So, you know, I would go in between the Lowe's. And at the time, there was a little store next to it. I don't remember what it was. But right next to it, I think it's the Discount Tire. But it wasn't the Discount Tire then. And I would go out in the woods and like drink on my break. And then I would come back and work more. So, you know, I think you can see that I drank pretty alcoholically. The bottom for me was $1.99. One night, I went out with some friends after work when I was working at Lowe's. And I was in a relationship with someone who was very, we were very codependent together. He was real good at driving me around and being mad at me. But he would still drive me around and enable me. And I was grateful for him because I have a car. You know, sometimes it rained. And he would drive me around and stuff. But one night, I went out drinking after work. And I got pretty drunk. And I went home. And I kind of picked a fight with him because he wasn't doing something I wanted him to do. And this wasn't the first time. But I assaulted him. And because by the time, at the end of my drinking, I was very angry all the time. And I was hurtful to people. And he took the blunt of my anger many, many, many times. And he had finally had enough. So that night, I went to jail. I don't remember much about it. I was in a blackout pretty much the whole time. And I went to go get that expunged. And I had to read the police report. And it was really embarrassing. I don't even want to tell you all I said. It was pretty bad. But he had me arrested that night for simple battery. And I spent about 12 hours in jail. And I had to call my mom, which is something I've never had to do. And from the jail cell. Because I couldn't call him. He wasn't going to come get me out of jail, you know. And she came and got me. And she made me promise that I would get some help. So I had known that it was pretty bad. And I mean, there's so many more stories I could tell you. But I think if you're sitting in this room on a Monday night, you probably know about alcoholic drinking. So I probably don't need to elaborate a whole lot more. You know, I am qualified by far. Anyway, she made me confess. She made me promise to go get some help. So after I got out of jail, I did what any good alcoholic would do. I went and found that bottle that was hidden in the closet that I didn't get to finish before the cops came and picked me up that night. And I finished it. And that was a Wednesday night, I believe. And, of course, I felt terrible Thursday. And then Friday I got up. And this was when we still had phone books. You know, like actual paper phone books. For those of you that are young, there used to be an actual paper phone book. And, of course, AA is right at the beginning. So I called AA. And I called a place called the Biscayne Room, which is just right over on Claremont Road. And I went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. So that was when the, you know, what happened started happening. And that was a great place, I'll tell you. You know, it was so close to me. It was so convenient. And it was totally God-centered. And I ended up there. And I went to my first meeting. And I sat down. And back then, in that room, you could smoke. So it was just smoky. And there were, like, people that had just, like, millions of years of sobriety. And there I was, bitter, angry Sandy, you know. And, man, every time I shared, it was just cursing and vomiting and spewing and negativity. And they were tough on me there. And I'm really grateful that I got sober with people that had 20, 30 years of sobriety. And I'm really grateful that I got sober with people that had 20, 30, 30-plus years. And, you know, most of those people have gone to the meeting in the sky. But they sure were helpful to me. They didn't, there was none of that, oh, you poor thing. Oh, my God, that's so terrible. People would say things like, well, you know, keep coming back. But if you want to stay miserable, you know, you can keep doing that, too. And I was just very, very, very fortunate that that was the place that I found to get sober. And I found a sponsor within about two weeks. And I started working the steps. But I was still really angry. I mean, I had lost my best friend of 25 years, you know. Alcohol was my companion. It never failed me, but it failed me over time. It was one of those weird things. So at about 100 days in, I was working the steps. But I was just really, really angry. And I went to a doctor. And alcohol was my drug of choice. But if I'm intoxicated and something else comes around, yes is the answer. So I had gotten really just, I was just miserable. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I was just, things just kept getting worse. I was like, I thought when you got sober, things were supposed to get better, you know. I left my job. I left a boyfriend. I had no money. I wrecked my car. I mean, it was just terrible. And I'm like, this is unfair, you know. So what I did was I went to a doctor. And I was like, oh, you know, I'm just not sleeping. I'm not eating. I need something. And I'm not even a pill person. But she knew that I was in recovery. And she gave me 10 pills to relax me. And she said, take a couple days off. Just get some sleep. Rest. I'm not giving you any more. So I called my sponsor on the way to the CVS or wherever it was. And she goes, well, you can't get those refilled. You're already irritable. You know, you're already irritable, restless, and discontent. That's probably not a good idea. And I'm like, but it's not alcohol, you know. So, of course, I went in and got them filled. And I think I took like three in the parking lot, you know. Because I wanted some relief. And that's just the truth, you know. Back then, I was trying to justify it. But the truth was I wanted some relief. So, I abused myself. I abused those. And then come Monday morning, I think I had a few of them left. And I was on my way to work, to go back to work at Lowe's. And what I did was instead of, you know, taking the left and going to the meeting at Claremont, I took the right and I went to the liquor store. And that happened about 100 days. And I drank for a few days. And I don't have much of a memory of that. But a lot of things happened that were really embarrassing and humiliating. And I felt great shame. I felt great remorse. I felt horrible. I was bruised from head to toe. I mean, I think I did like a flip off my table. I had a carpet burn on the whole right side of my face. I was just bruised everywhere. I mean, I just bounced around in my apartment. Stuff was thrown on the floor. Things were turned over. My smoke alarm was on the floor. Wine stains were everywhere. It was just a horrible, horrible thing. But the good news was that I woke up. You know, I woke up that morning. And that was when I had truly my bottom. Because I still thought that I could handle it. And after that, I knew that I was done. So I called my sponsor at the time. And I'm like, I drank. And she's like, oh, really? What a shocker. You know? If you've ever relapsed, your sponsor knows like a month before you're going to do it. So don't even try to act like you can get away with lying to us. Because we know. You know? It's apparent. I mean, the signs are just really, really, really clear. And not that I've been around forever. But we're very, very common in the way that we do things. You know? When you stop calling me and you start texting me. And then you stop texting me and then I don't hear from you for two weeks. There's a pattern here. You know? But anyway. So I immediately got back in the program and got busy and started working the steps. And I found that, you know, I really had a lot of things I had to work out. I was very, some of my resentments were I was very resentful of my parents. I was very resentful that nobody, you know, I had friends that like they got home and their parents helped them with their homework and made a sandwich for them. You know? And I was very resentful that, you know, my mom was very hateful. I was very resentful about my father. I was very resentful at my father because I didn't feel like he did right by me. I was very resentful at every boyfriend that had ever been in my life. I was resentful at every job that I had ever had because, you know, they should be paying me more. Don't they know who I am? I was very resentful that I didn't make enough money. You know? I was just, I could just go on and on and on with the resentments I had. And so when I got to my fourth step. You know, where we worked all this stuff out. And I had been working really hard on this. And my sponsor gave me like three weeks to do it. So we're getting ready to do it. And the day before she calls me and she's like, I'm not going to be able to meet. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm sitting on this fourth step. I've got to get it done. I'm a doer. I'm the overachiever. I'm the list maker. I'm the task master. So she put me off. And I was like, oh no, this is terrible. So for a week, I went around hiding my fourth step. You know, my paper. I didn't live with anybody. I lived alone. I don't know what I was hiding it for. But I used to do the same thing with my money when I was a bartender. I used to hide my money in different places even though I lived alone. And then the rent would be due and I could never find my money. I'd be cruising around. You know, sometimes I hid it in like cereal boxes. Sometimes I hid it in, you know, fast food boxes. Sometimes I'd hide it in between a sheet. You know, and I did the same with my fourth step. I don't know why. I don't know who would find it. I don't know who would even want to read it. It was nothing but just trash because the truth is my first step was all about everybody else at my fourth step. It wasn't anything to do with me and my side. It was all about blaming everybody else. But I still did it. So if you haven't done a fourth step yet, go ahead and do it. There's going to be an opportunity when you're actually going to be able to do one and it's going to be about you. But the first one is always about everybody else. And I think that's fairly common, too, even though, you know, we're supposed to like what is our part in it. But I just couldn't seem to find that. It was everybody else's part. So I managed to stay sober, work all the steps. And at about five years in, I got into a really unhealthy relationship. And I got really, really, really depressed and really down. And when that relationship didn't work out. I didn't know what to do. I did not drink. But what I did was I joined our sister fellowship of Al-Anon. And then Al-Anon saved my life again. So if you, I know this is an AA meeting, but this is part of my story. And Al-Anon will save your life again if you let it. And I can promise you that. So I worked through that. And I managed to somehow stay sober through that. And things started getting really, really, really, really good. And I had fun. And I met friends. And I started riding motorcycles with people again. And my whole world just opened up, you know. But I was really lonely. So I stayed single for, I've never been married until recently. But I stayed single for about five years and really worked on myself. And really found out what I wanted. Because I've never been in a sober relationship before. I'd only been in the pick you up at the bar. You move in. You burn it to the ground. And then I go to the bar. And then I get the next one. And then we burn it to the ground. That was just the way I lived. I didn't know any other way to live, you know. And I learned what I wanted and what I didn't want. So back forward. And in 2011, I met someone, my husband now. I just got married this year. It took me 52 years to make that decision. But I did. And, you know, that was it. You know, that was a blessing. And that was only because I figured out what I didn't want. And I think that's what experience is. We have to first figure out what we don't want until we know what we do want. And we can't possibly know what we want when we're drunk. You know, I wanted to be drunk. And then anything else that was in front of me that I wanted, that was what I wanted. I didn't care if it was good or bad for me. I just wanted it. So, you know, I got into a healthy relationship. And it's been great, you know. And then life just, what it's like now. I'm in the what it's like now part. So what it's like now is life got real good about 2011, 2012. It was rainbows and unicorns. Started hiking, biking, camping, fishing, anything outside, anything outdoors, doing a little bit of prepping. Just having a blast, man. Life was just like, whoo, you know. By the way, all during this, I was sponsoring girls. I have a sponsor. I still go to meetings. I still do all the stuff. I still do my morning readings. I still pray. I still write a gratitude list. So all that stuff has been with me this whole time. And then recently, this is the hard part to talk about, but I have to do it because this is the right thing to do. Because you need to know this is where the perseverance comes in. This is when the insurance and AA will save your life. About this time last year, my mother was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. She decided to fight it. I had joined a church and gotten baptized, and thank the Lord for that, too, you know. I mean, if that works for you, great. If you can find one that works with AA just like this, it's awesome. And I did get the pleasure of having that happen. And I became a Stephen minister at my church. Which is basically sponsorship through a Christian standpoint. And it really opened up a whole other avenue of my life. And this was going on when my mom had first gotten diagnosed. And I got commissioned to church about two weeks after that. And then two weeks after that was Memorial Day. And Memorial Day last year, my next-door neighbor's son was playing with fireworks in the backyard unattended. And he burned both of our houses down. We lost everything. It was a total loss. And I didn't drink. That's where the insurance comes in, let me tell you. Because when you're standing in front of your house, and everything that you have is burning, and they can't get the fire out, you better hope you got something there with you. Because you're going to need it. And you're going to need it. And that was really, really hard. But thank God I had Steve to go see it. I had Steve to go through that with me. And our dog made it out. My cat was actually in the house the whole fire. And she survived. Here's the story. Here's one of the stories. If it ain't God, I don't know what it is. But after the fire, we went into the house with the chief of police. And he went in there with us. And we were actually going to look for Steve's Bible that his father had given him. And we went into Steve's office, which was the house, the room that was the least burned. It was only smoke damaged. And somehow the door had gotten closed. And just a tip. If you're ever in a fire, close the door. That's the biggest thing you can do to save your life. Luckily, we were out of the house. But we opened the door, and I heard my cat. My cat survived that fire. Underneath that chair, she was alive. She smelled like smoke, but she was okay. That would have killed me. That would have killed me. So we all survived. But we started from nothing. And we had some great people. I'll tell you what. That's the other thing. In AA, when people say, what can I do for you? They do stuff for you. They help you. My friend Katie put a GoFundMe page up. And it raised over $5,000. And that enabled us in between the insurance to be able to survive. We had friends that said, come stay at our house. You know? I mean, just the love that we received. And from our church. You know? We didn't have, you know, you don't think about it. But when you need like a glass to drink some water out of, and you don't have a glass anymore. When you want to feed your dog, and you don't have a dog bowl anymore. You know? So people stood up, and they did that. And then, you know, we got through that. We survived that. We got our, you know, insurance settlement. And we moved on. We're living very humble in a small apartment. We're perfectly fine with that. You know? I call it the year of living humble. A week after our fire, Steve's brother passed away. And he had to go to Chicago. And then my mom started her chemo treatments. And I took time off. And I went with her to chemo and radiation. And, you know, I was present with my mom. Let me tell you, it is hard. You're going to need your AA insurance. And I know those of you who are young are thinking, well, that's not going to happen. But it's going to happen. My low toll was if something happens to my parents. Well, I can tell you that April the 1st of this year, my mom didn't want to fight anymore. And she passed away. And I was right beside her when she took her last breath. And this one, I was drunk. It wouldn't have been her. That was a gift. That was a blessing. My mom brought me into this world. And I was able to walk out with her. And it was only because I was sober. She was very proud of me. She was very proud of my sobriety. And I sat with her the last three weeks of her life. I didn't have to tell her how sorry I was for anything. I had already done that. That was in the past. That was done thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous. I tried to. I tried to say, I'm so sorry, Mom. She said, no, I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about that. We've already done that. You know? And, you know, there's a thing, you know, about like God never gives you more than you can handle. Well, I can tell you, he'll take you right up to that ledge. But he'll hold your hand. He'll hold your hand and he won't let you fall off. Because I didn't know that I was going to be able to do that, y'all. I'm telling you, I did not know that I was going to be able to do that. And I did it. And we did right by my mom. You know? I mean, she had some very specific things. And we did everything she wanted us to do. And we did not do anything she didn't want to do. And, you know, though I missed her like crazy. You know, like drinking. Because my mom died. I mean, how ridiculous does that even sound when you say it out loud? You know? And some people from my home group when I was here at NAVA. My friend Jill lost her mother like a couple of weeks before. And then our friend Tinsley lost his dad a few weeks after. You know? And the reason I say persevere, the reason I say hope is because I feel like if I can do that, I can certainly stay sober one day at a time for the rest of my life. Because I don't know what's harder than that in this world. And if there is anything harder, I'm going to stay sober. You know? I'm going to stay sober. So, you know, I'm sorry. I prepared myself as best I could. And, you know, I wanted to be sure that I mentioned my mom. Because, you know, my mom loved me and prayed for me when I didn't even know she was loving me and praying for me. So this story really is, you know, for my mom. You know? And for Jill's mom. And for Tinsley's dad. And for all of my friends that, you know, have lost people that they love. You know? But this program. I mean, the perseverance that you have to have is you've got to get up and you've got to do whatever you do to stay sober. No matter what. No matter what. Because I can't imagine being drunk and trying to go through that. I mean, I can't even. I can't even. I wouldn't have even been there. I wouldn't have even been capable of being there. You know? I've never been to a funeral before in my life. And I still haven't. Because my mom didn't want one. She donated her body to cancer research. So we're hoping that she's going to be the one. Her body is going to be where they find the cure. You know? So that's my hope. So, anyway, I probably spoke long enough. And I hope that, you know, I've been concise enough. And I hope I've qualified myself enough. And this place really means a lot to me. My sobriety means everything to me. And, you know, life is still beautiful. And wonderful. And there's still so many beautiful things to see. And so many wonderful things I want to do. You know, sometimes I feel like, gosh, am I ever going to be able to do all the things that I missed out on in those 25 years? You know? But I think I'm doing pretty good. I think I'm on a good pace. So, anyway, you know, I don't think there's anything else I want to say other than, you know, thank you, guys. Thank you, Alcoholics Nonce. And thank you to the fellowship. And thank you to the girls that I sponsor. And thank you to Steve. And thank you to all my friends. And I'm just really, really happy to be here. And I'm just forever grateful to this program. So, thank you so much. I appreciate you. I told you this program changes people. That was bad, then, with Sandy. Let me think of two things. I never go to Lowe's without thinking of Sandy. Every time I go to Lowe's, I think about Sandy. And her point about being in the program when you have to go through difficult things. The importance of a home-grown program. I think I know that. It's not just me. It's my family. It's my friends. And it's my friends. And it's my family. And it's my friends. And it's my family. And it's my family. And it's my family. And having the people that know you and know what you're going through is just so important. And you just said it so beautifully. Because those guys were here for me years ago when I lost both of my parents in the program. And my home group got me through that. So, stick with same people in a home group sometimes. When you can really, really benefit from their love during all times of your life. But, to see that they can do it. Thank you so much. I have asked David to come up and give out the chip. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I lost my mom a week after Jill's, so we've all been through it together. I'm David, alcoholic and addict. And here we have a chip system. The white chip is for those that are coming to the program for the first time or coming back off of a relapse. Anyone want to pick up a white chip tonight? Okay. We have a silver for 30 days. Anybody with 30 days? We have a red for 90. Anybody with 90? We have a yellow for six months. Anybody with six months today? Working on it. Working on it. All right. Good enough. Nine months. Green. Anybody with nine months today? And then we have a blue chip for years or multiple. Anybody celebrating a birthday? That's my father, a non-recovered alcoholic. In case y'all forgot from what we're doing. And this little kitty cat's birthday, I'm her dad. That does not mean she's not available. Just make sure your motors are clear and you're sober. This is seven for her. In case you can't tell from back there, her face matches her little pink streaks in her hair right now. Any troubles and I will talk to your sponsor. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please make sure your motors are clear and just talk to your sponsor. I'm proud of her. She's been through a lot of things this year. She's put me through a lot of things this year. You know how five years let's say your head will pop out of your ass? If you don't know, they do say that. As all people do. And some quickly, some slowly, but it's happening and I'm really proud of her. She's going out and doing things and getting sunburn and not spending so much time at home with them damn cats. It's just, you know, it's amazing. Yeah! what will happen I say anymore I might not be able to eat tonight so happy birthday baby hey y'all I'm Kat I'm an alcoholic and he's an ass um this is seven amazing I remember coming in and seeing you and you were never I mean you're always really sweet to me so I don't know what she's talking about that was always before me so um this year has been an amazing year there have been a bunch of changes I've been doing outdoorsy stuff that I've never really done before um sober but I'm actually enjoying it I got back together with my dad says the family after 10 years of not speaking with them so that was a blessing um seven years it's great I have my dad I have an amazing sponsor I have some pretty amazing friends and sponsees and you know life is good thank you guys my name is you I'm an alcoholic congratulations Kat and Sandy thank you very much for your sharing I think perseverance is the word that's that's what got me through uh I've got 41 years it was perseverance and uh I was doing what I was suggested that I do get a home group sponsor get involved with service get sponsees and just continue to work the program a day at a time and never forget where I came from and I'm grateful grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous for getting me through the the tough times and like you said there will be tough times but we can make it with Alcoholics Anonymous thank you guys my name is Mark I'm alcoholic this is 14 years what a treat Sandy good to see you and uh Jill Sandy I appreciate uh It's just story, memories from the Napa Club. It's really a blessing to see people again. Sandy, when she tapped into the program, there was this girl around here in Napa, you know. She's quiet, you know. She's hanging out with us. She went home and she took some pills and died. And then all, you know, I told myself I'm going to speak to every woman, guys, everybody here to make sure to keep alive. Sandy went to a funeral. I'm grateful to be able to be alive to see her come back and tell her story and take it one day at a time. I did not pick up one white chip. It took me a long time getting this. I'm grateful to our house of knowledge and the people here today. Thank you. Anybody else? I think that was enough. That was good. A white chip for anybody that wants to come pick one up later on. Okay. Thanks. Thank God for the chips. I'm not very good with math, but I think that's 62 years of sobriety we just saw get picked up. So that's pretty cool, y'all. Congratulations. Thank you, one and all, for joining the Blue Chip Speakers meeting tonight. Thank you.