I Didn’t Reach Puberty Until I Was Forty and by Then I’d Been Sober Thirteen Years – Bob B.

About This Speaker Tape

Bob B. from St. Paul, Minnesota shares his story at the Three Legacies group on December 16, 2005, celebrating 38 years of sobriety. He describes starting to drink at age 13 as a small, insecure kid who felt transformed by alcohol. He drank his way out of Notre Dame in his senior year, was diagnosed as an alcoholic at 19, and spent his last year of drinking living in ten-dollar-a-night rooms, working as a waiter, and drinking a fifth a day. After getting his face kicked in at a party and losing his job, he went home and eventually called AA, where two men on a Twelfth Step call changed his life simply by sharing their own stories.

Bob describes the critical role of his sponsor Warren, a mailman with no flash but extraordinary dedication to Twelfth Step work, who has been his sponsor for all 38 years. He recounts his honeymoon period in AA followed by a brutal plateau where his list of character defects — trouble at work, rage toward his children, compulsive gambling, and chronic overspending — stayed the same year after year despite going through the Steps. By his eighth year, he was not thinking about drinking but was thinking about suicide.

A second spiritual surrender came when Bob finally knelt and took the Sixth and Seventh Steps out of desperation. Major problems in his life — gambling, financial chaos, anger — lifted almost immediately. He turned the money over to his wife, made a structured work schedule with his sponsor, and invested heavily in learning to be a better parent. He later experienced enormous financial success followed by losing everything in the 1986 tax act collapse, which taught him who he was without money.

Bob closes by drawing a distinction between the mechanics of the Steps and the spiritual transformation they are designed to produce. He argues that the Steps are a vehicle to a relationship with a Higher Power, not the destination themselves, and that the real shift in recovery is an alteration of being rather than doing. He emphasizes that sobriety is not abstinence — it is learning how to live without needing a drink.

Topics

Timestamps

• 00:00 Introduction by sponsee Rod; Bob celebrates 38 years sober with 16-17 of his 25 sponsees present
• 02:30 Started drinking at 13, felt transformed — alcohol made him feel on the inside how others looked on the outside
• 06:00 Drank his way out of Notre Dame senior year; diagnosed alcoholic at 19; medical release from Army for alcoholism
• 09:30 Last year of drinking — fifth a day, ten-dollar rooms, fired as delivery driver, face kicked in at a party
• 13:00 Two men on a Twelfth Step call at the St. Clair Broiler share their stories and change his life
• 16:30 Warren the mailman becomes his sponsor — 51 years sober, never once said no to a visit, Twelfth Step champion
• 20:00 First inventory was a guilt recitation, no insight into causes and conditions; defects of character stayed the same for seven years
• 24:00 At eight years sober, not thinking about drinking — thinking about suicide; lost belief that Step Two applied to him
• 28:00 Second spiritual surrender — knelt and took Steps Six and Seven; gambling, rage, and financial chaos lifted
• 32:00 Turned money over to wife Linda; structured work schedule with sponsor; invested in learning to parent
• 35:00 Financial success followed by losing everything in 1986 tax act; learned who he was without money
• 37:00 The Steps are a vehicle to a Higher Power, not the destination — sobriety is an alteration of being, not doing