Blasphemy Was My Hobby Until a Comma in We Agnostics Broke Me Open 😂 – Runar J.

About This Speaker Tape

Runar, an Icelandic-born alcoholic who started drinking at 12, shares a harrowing journey through 12 years of revolving-door AA before finding real sobriety. By 20 he had been kicked out of schools, jobs, towns, and even an entire country (Denmark). He discovered fine dining and tried to quit drinking to keep the tuxedo lifestyle, attending his first AA meeting in December 1982 — but for the next dozen years he only found the fellowship, never the program.

His last run took him to La Jolla, California, where after two and a half years sober he convinced himself he could drink again. Within weeks he was putting down 20-25 drinks during a two-and-a-half-hour bar session before work shifts. By February 1994 he had left his wife for a woman he met in the bar, and woke up on June 24, 1994 wearing a tuxedo — his old fantasy of the perfect drinking life delivered in the cruelest possible parody, with his ex-wife on the phone and his soon-to-be ex-wife in the next room.

Back in AA with zero desire to stop and zero belief in Higher Power, Runar found a men's meeting in La Jolla where he was told to sit down and shut up — and where, for the first time, his head went quiet because nobody was going to call on him. A man walked up after nine months and said "It's time for you to get drunk again," which cracked his denial. He found a sponsor whose entire repertoire was five-minute phone calls and the phrase "It's in the book." Reading the Big Book backward from Chapter 6, he hit the passage in We Agnostics about laying aside prejudice "even against organized religion" and was finally broken open.

Runar walked through the steps, discovered that fear — not sociopathy — had kept him from doing the right thing, and had the obsession removed. Eight years sober at the time of this talk, he had started college at 40 and distilled his program into four words: don't drink, clean house, trust Higher Power, help others. He draws a sharp line between fellowship and program, insisting that all you truly need is to clean house and trust Higher Power — everything else is a bonus.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction — Runar from Iceland, started drinking at 12, kicked out of schools, jobs, and Denmark by age 20
• 4:30 Discovers fine dining, puts on the tuxedo, decides to stop drinking to keep the new life — first AA meeting December 1982
• 7:00 Twelve years in and out of AA — knew the fellowship but never the program; the stark raving sober relapse with a fifth of rum
• 11:00 Moves to the U.S., relapses in La Jolla — 20-25 drinks per bar session, leaves his wife for a stranger
• 14:30 Wakes up June 24, 1994 in a tuxedo — drinking fantasy delivered as a nightmare; promises wife he will stop with no desire to
• 18:00 Finds the La Jolla men's meetings — told to sit down and shut up; head goes quiet for the first time because nobody calls on him
• 22:00 A man says 'It's time for you to get drunk again' after nine months — the approval he wanted comes as a gut punch
• 25:00 Reading the Big Book backward — marks two prayers with resentment, then hits We Agnostics: 'even against organized religion'
• 30:00 Fourth step revelation: not a sociopath — always knew right from wrong but fear prevented right action
• 34:00 Closes with the mantra: don't drink, clean house, trust Higher Power, help others — fellowship is the bonus, program is the essential