Why Expectation Is a Risk to Mental Health – Belia A.

Thank you very much. Good afternoon. Did you eat well? Yes? Well, we continue here sharing and learning. They say that the one who teaches learns twice. The one who teachers learns twice Si tú estás conectado a la literatura, estás aprendiendo pues puntos, conceptos que nunca habías visto y vas y se lo cuentas a alguien, eso lo reafirmas en ti y hay una mayor comprensión. Es la retroalimentación que recibimos, pues muchas gracias por regresar, por estar aquí. Quiero agradecer al grupo que coordina el tema, que es Una Luz en el Camino. Muchas gracias, mamita, gracias hermosa. por estar aquí, por abrir el tema. Y bueno, yo estoy fascinada del libro Abramos el Corazón. Si no me quise extender a mucha literatura en los temas y me enfoqué en ese libro sobre todo porque es como un compendio, ¿no? Donde toca todos los puntos para que nosotros nos transformemos. So, in the book of Abramos el Corazón you can find the concepts about what is expectation, resentments and the magic of forgiveness, which is what we are going to talk about now. And let's start word by word. Do you know that words are… The brothers from the other side of the world say they are mantras. Have you heard the word mantra? a sound, the sound vibrates and that vibration causes an effect in reality. In fact, they say that the world was created, the universe was created from a sound initial, original, and that sound, more than a sound is a vibration that created the whole universe. They call it OM. And well, the words are those sounds that are registered in our DNA as human beings. And many times the words move fibers, move issues of the unconscious that make us react from the unconscious and sometimes one does not understand why I acted that way, why I felt that way. Yes, a simple word sometimes like, shut up, that you hear it from afar, there someone shouted to another person, shut up, makes an impressive reaction that they did not tell you. Only by capturing the sound and vibration, maybe they said it with the same tone as they told you, That vibration generated in you that reaction that took you out of harmony, that took away from a stability. You could have been very calm, very calm and with just catching a sound, fibers moved in you. And the word expectation, many of the words we name come from Latin, come from Greek. From there our language was derived, the one we speak now. nosotros los latinos, por eso nos dicen latinos. La palabra expectativa viene de ahí del latín y quiere decir espectátum, así se pronunciaba antes y eso para el tiempo en el que se hablaba en esa palabra quería decir una visión, algo visto como el muchachito que dice en el ad, I already saw myself, that he bought a lottery ticket and dreams and says that I already I saw myself on the cruise. That is an expectation, something that before being real and concrete, I saw it. So as for the mind there is no difference between if I am imagining, between I am remembering or I am living it, for the mind is the same. So, if I close my eyes a little bit or with open eyes, I see something in the future and I see it concretely with all the details, in my feeling that is already there because the mind responds quickly, that is, that's already there. So expectations are to see something before that happens with the conviction that it already is. So imagine if we do not have the awareness of what it is to be forming expectations, especially outside of me, about other people because I can have an expectation about myself, I see myself, vi con mi título de ingeniero, ya me vi con mi titulo de enfermera, ya me veo con el uniforme, es una expectativa que me estoy viendo a través de mí, sobre mí. Entonces yo tengo el poder y yo tengo la imagen aquí en mi mente de cómo lo voy a hacer y como me voy a ver, entonces yo tengo hasta cierto punto pues un control para make it a reality, but if I form that expectation is that I am seeing my son working in the general hospital of San Francisco with his white robe and I put all the details on him and I'm creating an expectation from another person. It's just that I already saw this man, I already knew he was going to be the best husband in the world, todas las mamigas me lo van a envidiar si me va a ser fiel él va a llegar a casa temprano me va ayudar con los niños que yo me estoy formando expectativas de otra persona el hombre que dice esta es la mera buena no como la otra fodonga la otra caguamera que tenía esta es una buena esta mujer este siempre va a estar arregladita me going to say yes to everything, yes my love, whatever you say is going to support me, it is going to understand me and I form a clear, precise, detailed and exact image of how this woman is going be in my life as my partner, as my wife and I am making an expectation. The book says, let's open our hearts, that there are expectations that are sensible, I mean, is it okay to expect that tomorrow at 6.30 in the morning the sun will rise from the horizon? It's a sensible expectation, right? Based on the experience of humanity we know that every morning the Sun will rise. It is a very sensible expectation to expect a dignified and respectful treatment of people involved in healthy relationships. It is sensible to expect that if dad, mom, children, partner, friends all have mental and emotional health, obviamente me van a retribuir con un trato digno, un trto de respeto como yo se los brindo, es sensato. En el caso de la convivencia con enfermos de alcoholismo, de adicciones, de neurosis, de psicosis, Tener expectativas, ya sean sensatas o insensatas, es un gran riesgo para nuestra salud mental y emocional. Cuando somos niños, cuando somos adolescentes no tenemos esa conciencia. Cuando ya somos adultos y no tenemos un programa, no tenemos la concienza. Pero ahora que estamos conectados al programa, ¿Sí? A la literatura, al trato con los demás compañeros que allá llevan tiempo, con los padrinos, con las madrinas, entonces podemos tener la conciencia de que es un gran riesgo estarse formando expectativas acerca de las personas que me rodean, sobre todo de los enfermos. ¿Y riesgo por qué? Porque está en riesgo mi salud mental y emocional, mi estabilidad, mi paz interior, porque estoy poniendo mi poder, mi deseo, mi esperanza en que el otro o la otra sea como yo la estoy viendo aquí en mi mente. Ni siquiera la puede ver, o sea ni con un retrato hablado yo le I can say, look, this is how I see you, I can only see it here, that's the expectation. That's why only our own visions of ourselves, we can carry them out, we can realize them. A sculptor who sees here, they take a piece of marble rock, deformed, it's a rock and he has a vision, looks at something and says, I have tengo la expectativa de que aquí voy a esculpir una sirena y la ve con todos los detalles. No puede ir a decirle al escultor de enseguida, mira esculpe la sirene que estoy viendo yo aquí, pero dime los detalle, no pues es que es una siren,a así así por más que se la describes it, it will not be the same as he sees it. What happens then when those expectations, sensible or unsensible, are not realized? When what I expected about my partner, of father, mother, children, friends, brothers, does not happen, No sucede. Decíamos ayer que los compañeros de Neuróticos Anónimos dicen que la depresión es el resultado de acumular frustraciones y la frustración es una sensación de desagradable, destructiva, de que algo no pasó como yo esperaba. Esa es la sensación, una expectativa no cumplida genera frustración y acumular frustraciones genera depresión, dicen los compañeros de Neuróticos Anónimos. Acumular frustraciones es entrar en el ciclo del resentimiento. La palabra resentimiento lo dice todo, re- sentir, feel and feel again and again, what? The same thing, once and again and again, every time I bring to my mind that memory, that memory or that idea of ​​what did not happen because of what I expected. Resentment is like peeing in your clothes without changing your clothes. How would it be for you to be lying there because you can´t get up and you are peeing and no one goes and changes your bed? And you pee again, and you pee, and pee again. That´s resentment. That's why it is to re-feel, to feel again and again and to feel and again, and to crush oneself because the expectations were not met. It is very important, fourth step here, to make a writing of everything that I expected and it was not. And how it hurt me and how it affected me, to be clear about it, to detect it and work with it. The fourth step is an inventory of our life. Es un inventario de todo aquello que me hizo daño y también un inventário acerca de cuánto daño causé yo, porque también el resentimiento lo causa la culpa. Cada vez que yo me acuerdo cómo le hice daño a mi hijo, a mi hija, como lastimé a mamá con esas palabras, a papá y lo vuelvo a recordar y vuelvo sentir la culpa es resentimiento. El resentimiento no sólo es para hacia otros, también es hacia mí mismo. Y ese ciclo de resentimiento es a veces como una cárcel en la que uno se queda ahí y no puede salir, es como no darte cuenta que tú mismo te has esclavizado a recuerdos, a memorias de dolor, de culpa, a dramas del the past. So, having expectations about others is like self-inflicted inflammatory disease, let's see, say it with me, inflammatory disease called controlitis. All the words that end in "-itis", is inflammation, arthritis, colitis, amygdala, all of those are inflammation, something grew up, then when we live making expectations of others, especially the others, we can make expectations about ourselves and also being compassionate with ourselves because we also make each expectation about ourselves that not even Superman can realize it, it is an expectativa insensata, es una expectativa insensate que yo de aquí a diciembre logre tener la cintura de sesenta centímetros. Es una insensatesa esa, ¿por qué? porque para empezar no estoy haciendo nada congruente para tenerlo, sí, es un insensatés si yo mido unos sesenta y decir bueno ya tengo cincuenta casi, ya saben los… están los cincuenta y tantos, los treinta y tantas, pero cuando alguien te dice cuarenta y casi es que ya está más para allá que para acá. Los cincuentas y casi yo mido unos 56 y digo bueno para el año que entra voy a medir un 80, ya me vi, ¡ya me vi! una expectativa insensata neurótica incongruente porque eso pues las leyes físicas me demuestran que no es posible Entonces, estar formándose expectativas, ya sea sensatas o insensatas, teniendo más de 21 años, porque aquí en Estados Unidos la mayoría de edad es a los 21, ¿no? En México es a los 18. Nos estamos autoinfligiendo la enfermedad de ¿qué? El controlitis. ¿Qué ¿Qué es eso? Pues una manía de estar queriendo controlar. Estar queriendo controlar el comportamiento de los demás. Ex, fuera. Expectativa, esperar. Yo estoy esperando algo fuera de mí. ¿Y qué nos dice la literatura? ¿Cuánto hasta el cansancio nuestro maestro amigo Salvador talks to us about the control that has to do with the disease suffers through coexistence with alcoholism, of wanting to control the way of drinking, the way to behave from another person and the mind does not have departments, it does not say well you have controlitis but only with the sick of alcoholism with others no The mind is not like that, yes? As you are on one side, you are everywhere, as you are on one hand, you're everywhere. As you're in a game, you´re in life. One thinks it changes and no, I don't behave in such a way but in essence, in essence as they say out there, the copper comes out or the gold comes out in certain situations. When we neglect not to have the mask and posture, boom! sale lo que realmente somos. Entonces, si estás con expectativas, entonces traes controlitis, controlitis y te vas a frustrar y te va a resentir porque las cosas no pasan como tú esperas. A ver pueden repetir después de mí, pueden repetír En mi vida, los huevos no son al gusto. Acuérdate de eso. Aquí los huevo no son al gusto, en el restaurante sí porque pagas pero en la vida, los huevos no son algo. ¿A quién le pido los hueves? Al mesero. Entonces cuando yo estoy pidiendo a mi mamá que sea como yo quiero que sea, a mi papá como yo quiera que él sea, a mi pareja, es que yo quiero que los huevos sean al gusto en la vida. Esas son las expectativas, si no pasa pues ya me metí, ya me jodí y vivo o jodido o jodiéndo, o peor aún jodidoy jodiendo porque estoy en el ciclo del resentimiento. La persona que está en el ciclo de resentimiento vive así, jodida, un rato jodidas, otro rato jodiendo, otro rato jodido y jodiendos. Dicen los expertos que miedo, resentimiento y culpa y hay muchos estudios, miles de estudios de investigación cómo impactan las emociones de nuestra salud. Miedo, resentimientos y culpa tienen mucho que ver con algo llamado cáncer, Much. How is cancer here in the United States, high or low? We no longer see how the dollar is in Mexico, eh? Let's see how diabetes is, high or low, how is cancer, high or low. Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, arthritis, degenerative diseases, cardiovascular diseases, high or down? And if the fear, that we have already been talking about fear, but not the fear of the crybaby, the chupacabras, or the hairy hand, those are fears mythological. The neurotic fears, the egoic fears, those fears that In reality, we invented them with our minds, or they programmed us. They weren't our fears, yes, those fears were put on us. Those fears that we don't dare to face, and the guilt we carry with us, and the culprits we carry in our heads, because guilt is a double-edged sword. I blame you, and I blame myself. To blame and to blame me is the same thing, it is a lack of forgiveness. Once upon a time that godfather, I call him that way, you call him godfather for me he is a teacher, a mentor that I met a little more than 20 years ago. I was in a state of terrible life with very low quality of emotional, spiritual health y la vida me puso ese hombre ahí, ese doctor, así como yo empiezo un trabajo de autoconocimiento y autotransformación hace más de 20 años. Y en el proceso de estar ahí con él no había 12 pasos, no me conectó a los 12 pases él, sino a su enseñanza. Pero imagínense que yo estuviera conectada a los doce pasos y en un momento de estar llevando el programa, y él veía como yo estaba atorada en ciertos asuntos, y un día me pregunta y me dice, Belia, ¿te puedo hacer una pregunta? Sí doctor, le digo pregúnteme. Me dice, ¿en qué parte de tu cuerpo te gustaría tener el cáncer? Yo me quedé así como que me hubieran aventado un balde de agua helada y me dieron ganas de llorar por la pregunta, me asustó mucho su pregunta porque alguien a quien admiras que está siguiendo, una persona que sirve a la humanidad bondadoso, que te vea los ojos, te mire a los ojos que te verá con firmeza, con amor pero con firmencia y te pregunte en qué lugar de tu cuerpo te gustaría que te salga el cáncer? O sea, fue una pregunta que a mí me impactó muchísimo. No, no, yo no quiero eso. ¿Y qué estás esperando? ¿Y qué estás esperado para soltar los resentimientos? ¿y qué estás esperando para perdonarte? ¿Qué estás esperando que pase? En verdad It is true that the work of self-liberation, self-transformation has no end, it never ends and it is exciting. Those of us who already commit ourselves to build a quality life, a life congruent to what we really are, children of God, made in His image and likeness. if we are his image and likeness and he is a creator, then we are creators and little creators. We co-create in the universe. What do we create? Our realities. We have this power because that's how they made us, but we create our realities, the ones we want to live and the ones that we don't want to live. When we are living what we do queremos pero no nos damos cuenta somos inconscientemente competentes oye como le haces te estas yendo bien en la economía, te ves super bien, te estas rejuveneciendo ya veo que traes una pareja que son muy felices tu familia está muy estable cómo le hacéis y te dicen pues no sé pero me va bien eso es excelentemente competente una persona que le va bien pero no sabe Yes, and he is a person who is hitting him hard. The ideal would be, says this stream of psychology, that you are consciously competent, that you consciously know why you are doing well. It's a person that lives awake, that knows that it is generating from inside an order, a harmony and an abundance on the outside, but some say I do not know why it goes so bad if I am so good, I am such a good person, I never hurt anyone to all the ground I donate them, I give them as a gift, I keep everyone, why is it going so bad for me? I just need to unwind, that's all I need, unconsciously incompetent They don't even know why they feel bad about it. Look, the cycle of resentment then keeps us in a permanent state of unconsciousness and incompetence. Life is not going well for us because what we are sowing we are reaping as in a cycle that does not end. How is a person who is in a circle of resentment? Y por favor, por favor no caigas en la trampa de la mente, demente, egoica que dice, así es mi tía, como está diciendo Belia, igualita es mi mamá. No traigas a nadie que no está aquí. Esto que yo estoy hablando, de todo corazón, es para ti, tú… No sé, hay gente que me dijo que venía de Nuevo México, del Paso, de Salt Lake City, de muchos lugares se movieron hasta acá. O sea, tú invertiste tiempo, energía, economía para estar aquí, pues tómalo para ti primero, no para la gente que no vino. Bueno, entonces, ¿cómo es el ciclo del resentimiento? Número uno, vamos a ver cómo es. You hurt a person, you fail him, you promise him something and he does not fulfill it. Maybe consciously, that is, you dare to do it, you hurt him, it affects him, that is, say I am going to borrow 500 dollars from this bastard and I am going to charge them in Chinese because ten years ago I lent him my bicycle que me costó mil dólares y se la robaron y no me la pagó, entonces yo le voy a prestar, le voy pedir quinientos dólares, oye préstame quinientos dólares y yo sé que no se los voy a pagar, o sea, conscientemente le estoy haciendo un daño, ¿verdad? Conscientemente. Ahora, inconscientemente le puedo hacer daño a una persona, como dijo el chavo del ocho, fue sin querer queriendo, o sea, yo no tenía la intención de dañarte, pero te dañé, te hice daño. El caso es que le haces daño a esta persona, a esa persona que está en el ciclo del resentimiento, que es resentido, que resentida y lo primero que va a hacer cuando tú le causas el daño es que te va a quitar su afecto, su respeto, si te admiraba ya no te va admire. If he trusted you, he won't trust you anymore, yes? Maybe he even stops talking to you, takes your word away, hangs up and closes his mouth, doesn´t talk to you even if he sleeps next to you. Even if he bathes with you, even if you serve him food. That is the first step. If someone fails, a resentful person, well what you do is, I take away all the benefits that you had with me, you no longer deserve them because you failed me and I don't care if you did it on purpose or not, you failed. What follows with this person who is in the cycle of resentment is that he will become indifferent, he gets an indifference like thinking ¿Sabes qué? Oye, pues a tu mamá le está yendo mal y esta persona dice, pues es que en esta vida todo se paga. ¿Qué es eso? Indiferencia. Pero es tu mamás, sí, pero pues es el karma. Ella lo sembró, ella se lo está cosechando. O sea, ¿qué le estoy diciendo? Que me vale lo que le pase. That´s an indifference, I don´t care. There is like a kind of desensitization, an incapacity to have compassion for the other person. Why? Because I´m resentful, because he hurt me, because he failed me, because he didn´t fulfill my expectations, because he promised me things that he didn't fulfill and now that I find out entero que le está yendo mal, pues es el karma, porque aquí en esta vida todo se paga, porque hay un Dios que todo lo ve, fíjate cómo es ahí el resentimiento, ahí se está haciendo pipi cada rato sobre sí misma la persona, si? Se está tomando su gotita de cianuro diario esperando que el otro se muera, ese es el resentimient.o Ah, but also if you tell him, no, look at that guy, don't you remember? Your ex, that one, he's doing super well, he already got up in business, he has already relieved himself of the prostate, he brings a little girl and says, hmm, well, let's see how long it will last his little taste that he brings. o sea, indiferencia también si le está yendo bien. Ese es el ciclo del resentimiento. La falla, sí, el daño, le quito el amor, el afecto, el respeto, el cariño, luego me vale lo que le pase, si es bueno o malo no me importa la indifierencia y cuarto la venganza, yo me tengo to take off and I'm going to take it off consciously or unconsciously and there are people who are even able to get sick in order to seek revenge so that the other one is bitten there in their bowels and there are mothers who are capable of getting sick from diabetes, cerebral spasms for what? so you can see son how you failed me in life, you have been a bad son has been a bad daughter and look at how I am. That is the way to get revenge, imagine how sick the ego is inside of us. I'm going to, I'm gonna be charging it in every moment that I can. I'll be crushing you and remembering that time when you failed me, when aquello que me prometiste y que no lo has cumplido. Cuando me heriste de esta manera, cuando me lastimé estoy de esta otra, yo te voy a estar machacando porque es la manera de vengarme, es el ciclo del resentimiento. Ustedes saben que un preso que va a la cárcel le dan su sentencia veinte, treinta, cuarenta, cincuenta años pues él echa ganas en la cáarcel They try to be a better human being and they are left with years of sentence, right? Until one day they gain their freedom. They say, you already fulfilled, you can go, you are free. Even the worst criminal in a prison has the right that if he becomes a better person, and makes changes, and wins, and complies with his fault, with his crime and what do they give him? Freedom. In the case of someone who is in the cycle of resentment, it is not like that. There the sentence is a perpetual chain. No matter how much you do, no matter how many meetings you have, no matter where you go, if that person does not leave the cycle resentment, he will not forgive you. You are condemned to a chain perpetual for your mistakes, for your failures, so you have done it with a gallon of tequila or without a gallon of tequila, it does not matter because this person does not know, no aprendido a perdonar. Imagínate tú que una persona dure 30 años en el ciclo del resentimiento, cómo va a estar, cómo hacer la calidad de su vida si en la salud física, en su proceso de envejecimiento. Conoces personas que las ves ahorita bien y en un año las vuelves a ver y dices ¿qué le pasó que dio el viejazo? Parece que le pasó un tren por encima, pues que en un año se metió en un resentimiento o en un drama emocional y se dio el old. How much, honestly, am I stuck in that endless cycle of resentment? Now, am i resentful or resentful with myself? Because I have also failed. yo me dije ahora nunca más esto y no cumplí yo me prometí que ahora de hoy en adelante yo iba a vivir de esta manera iba a sentir así y no cumple y me fallé a mí misma me falle a mí mismo entonces que sigue ya no me admiro ya no confío en mí ya no con fio en mi porque porque me estoy fallando a lo que me propongo a lo que decido a lo qué digo que voy a hacer y no hago entonces yo también estoy into that cycle and then suddenly I lose things, opportunities leave me and I become indifferent to myself, I do not have compassion, I don't have love for myself because I don´t deserve it, because I do n't comply with what I promise myself, do I explain myself? In other words, the way in which I am waiting and treating others is a reflection of how I am treating myself, to myself, it is simply the others are screens where I project myself, it's just that. The true reality is within me, not what I want to see from outside. So, what is the most viable way to remove a headache? practical and fast. What is the most common? Well, an aspirin, right? An analgesic. The fastest, yes, a Reiki and Bach flowers, but if there's nothing like that and here it's easier for someone of us to bring an aspirine, a Tylenol as you call it, that someone brings here more Bach flowers. So, for a physical pain, the The most practical and fast is an analgesic, like this, in correspondence. For an infection the most common and practical that doctors use is an antibiotic. An inflammation is an anti-inflammatory, right? And what is it that will heal me, will get me out of the cycle of resentment? What is it? an antioxidant, a de-inflammatory, that the drunken person stops getting drunk. That will take me out of the cycle of resentment. Normally what got me into the cycle of resentment is not what will get me out of there because what got me in the cycle of resentment I invented with my expectations. So it's not what's going to get me out of there. It's a lie that if now things happen that I expected, I'm going to get out of that cycle of resentment. I got sick of resentment, now I have to heal myself with the medicine suitable for resentment. Which one do you think is that medicine? Let's see, what comes to your mind? With what does resentment cure itself? con el perdón, no hay otra medicina, por eso es la magia del perdón el tema, expectativa, resentimiento y la magía del perdon, porque solamente esa cosa llamada perdón me va a sacar de ese ciclo interminable de resentimiento, ¿Sí? De culpar, de culparme, de castigar, to punish myself, to stop loving, to stop giving me love, it is a cycle there where I am stuck and the only magic that will get me out of there is forgiveness. And forgiveness begins with a decision. I consider that beyond romanticism and say yes I'm going to forgive because my grandmother told me that God forgives and that I also have to forgive, that forgiveness does not have to be, it should not be because a religion is asking or demanding it from me, because then it will not be a sincere forgiveness, it will be a forgiveness of what? of teeth out, that pardon that they say ok, it's fine, calm down, I forgive you but te voy a estar checando, así que a ver si es cierto. Voy a ver si escierto, que está de sincero lo que me estás pidiendo. Te voy a estar checando. O te dicen otros más así más disfrazaditos, mira ¿Quién soy yo para perdonarte? A ver, no, no yo no tengo nada que perdonarte? ¿Quién soy yo? Que te perdone Dios. O sea, Dios es tan buenito, tan tontito, sí, tan buena gente, él sí perdona, yo no. Es lo que, así estamos programados, que te perdones Dios, porque yo quién soy para perdonar. No? If I am making the decision to forgive everything and forgive everything that is in my life, through doing that awakening, that conscience, yes, that meticulous examination of my conscience, I need to make a sincere forgiveness. Not because the parish priest told me or because the pastor told me, or because whoever said it to me. It is because I sincerely want that magic in my life. That power, that magic of love that takes me out of that endless cycle of suffering which is resentment. And sincerely forgiving is not an epiphany, you know what an epiphanies is? It is as if right now I am here, I do like this and from here the roof opens, the roof is opened like this, and from the top of the sky a golden ray falls and it bathes me and I get up like this with you. That is an epiphany, that is something that came from heaven and enlightened me. Forgiveness, forgiveness does not come in this way, no llega así como una epifanía, como barita mágica y ya me liberé de todo resentimiento hacia otros y hacia mí mismo, no. El perdón se trabaja, el perdón es un proceso, el perdón nos va conectando con esa paz interna y And it's like, sometimes there are many people who have a very dual mind, either white or black. And no, there are nuances, yes? From the total darkness of resentment and guilt and hatred and revenge to freedom, to love, yes, There are nuances, and this process takes time, rhythm, and speed for everyone. I have lived through all these years, and I have observed it, and have been observing myself. For some reason, I keep resentments towards my mom, like everyone else. A mother who had me when she was a teenager, she was 15 years old when I was born. So what did my mom want? Well, to be a teenager. She has a girl who is growing up and then what she does is do the same thing they did to her. Put me to take care of brothers, put me to do what I have to do, when I wanted a girl that wanted to play. So, that filled me with resentment towards her. Why? Because she didn't let me play everything I wanted, because she made me do tasks that I didn't want to do because I was a girl. So, I fill myself with resentment, she is not the mom I expected and I start a work of self-awareness, of self transformation and I realize that when I hugged my mom there was no sincerity, Había como una barrera, así como yo decía, pero es que yo de corazón quiero abrazar a mi mamá, así que sentirla y la abrazaba, pero sentía como algo ahí. Había una barrera, sí, como que no nos, no nos integrábamos una con la otra y fueron años de conciencia, de darme cuenta, de soltar, de perdonarme, sí. Hasta que ahora yo veo a mi mamá y voy y la abrazo, la abraza así y de mí sale y no una barrera que sale, ese amor que yo siento, esa ternura que yo siento por mi madre, ya no hay nada que se interponga entre ella y yo. No sé qué sentiría ella, yo no creo que sintiera nada por mí de esa manera porque yo soy mamá y yo cuando abrazo a mi hija, a mi hijo, a mi nieto, también soy abuela, no siento barreras. A lo mejor ellos sí sienten barriers towards me. So it has been a process, how beautiful now, yes, that already those barriers, those walls and those walls that form the resentments are no longer there, they are not there anymore, so I can give the best that I have to my mother who is a love of hija, ya sin barrera y que no llegó de la noche a la mañana. Yo te voy a ser honesta, a lo mejor para ti ha sido fácil perdonar, lo hiciste de un día para otro y dijiste ya, listo, perdonado. A mí, en mi caso, llevó un proceso. Ahora estoy trabajando en algo que me gustó mucho, yo te lo quiero compartir, te quiero compartir esto porque a mí me está funcionando, creo que el programa si lo sigues te can lead to this, to this level of living without resentment and living without having to forgive. But I'm going to tell you an anecdote that I like a lot, this anecdote connected me with this conscience. You have all heard about Siddhartha Gautama the Buddha, right? Well, this man was there meditating in the mountain, just like they feel themselves and he had in front of him all his followers, his admirers, his fan club, there in front of him meditating, you can see that they had their followers, so the Buddha was there well absorbed in meditation, deeply in a state of fullness with a expression of wonderful peace and everyone there was also in the contemplation when an intruder gets in, an enemy because they had enemies like Jesus Christ had enemies remember? Then an intruser who hated Buddha gets in between the ball that they were sitting there as they were so involved in meditation because they did not they realized that he was an enemy and then this perpetrator approaches the Buddha who is like this and for that all the Buddha's achichincles had already stopped, they were already with stones and sticks in his hand to throw himself on top and the buddha when he opens his eyes and sees him smiles like this and says thank you then the perpetrator the spitter is surprised because because the buda opens his eyes he is surprised and says thanks and all the dirt came to lincharlo. Cuando el Buda les dice de alto deténganse, no, no le hagan daño y voltea y le dice gracias, gracias por venir a escupirme en la cara y el escupidor, el perpetrador estaba totalmente anonadado por lo que estaba pasando y le dice al Buda a partir de hoy tú aquí eres bienvenido, puedes venir todas las veces que quieras a escupirme la cara gracias porque si no ha sido por ti yo no compruebo si en verdad estoy en una paz interna es lo que le dijo el buda tú me escupiste y yo me di cuenta que eso no me perturbo mi paz honestamente lo estaba diciendo o sea no se le emprendió la mecha corta y patronar como cohete simplemente abrió eyes and he did not feel courage, fear, nothing. He simply remained connected with his inner peace and that is why he thanked the scapegoat and told him you are welcome. So all the achichincles said no, but how? That offense so big, you are our master, leave it, leave him, he is welcome as many times So, the scapegoat went to his house. At night he was meditating, meditating. Then he felt very bad about what he had done. He repented because many times those enemies of those masters actually admire them, they want to test them. They want to see if it is true that they are what they say they are. So, he was there at night meditating and he regretted it and said, this is really an enlightened one. I want him to be my master. The next day he goes again where everyone was and the other buddhas saw him, the followers. There comes the scapegoat, they said, and they started defending themselves. Then the perpetrator arrives with the Buddha and says, yo vengo a pedirte perdón, quiero que me perdones por haberte escupido la cara. Y el Buda le dice, mira, pues no te puedo perdonar porque no hubo ofensa. En realidad yo no me sentí ofendido, pues, no puedo perdонarte. Pero mira, vamos a hacer una cosa, dijo el Budá, ¿qué te parece si le pides perdón to all of them, that they did get offended. Their egos need you to ask them for forgiveness, and your guilty ego, yours, the one from the scapegoat told him, you have an ego with guilt, that one needs to be forgiven. So, you ask them to forgive you, and they stay in peace, and they forgive you and you stay at peace, and now you sit down to meditate with us. This is a story that I love because I said, wow, what would life be like if we could live without creating resentment? What would life look like if I could be permanently connected to an inner peace? Y que cada vez sean menos y menos las tonterías por las cuales yo me sienta ofendida. Yo no digo que no me ofendo, sí me ofiendo, pero ya no por boberías como antes. Que porque no me vio bien, que porque no saludo, que porque me no me puso like en mi foto del Facebook, that because he didn't invite me to the baby shower, that because I don't know what. That is, a ball of nonsense that they have me in a cycle of resentment. You see, the stress that most undermines our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health is the stress of drop by drop, not the one that comes in drops. The one that arrives from drop to drop. A drop on the same place of a stone, what is it going to be in time? It's going to make a hole and it's a stone. So the stress of drop by drop that generates me being making expectations of this, of that, of those, of everyone and that they are not fulfilled, that fills me with stress because it is frustration that what I want to happen doesn't happen. So I'm getting into a cycle of resentment, generating me a useless suffering, without realizing that there is a wonderful magic called first forgive everything you have to forgive, it suits me because as my master said where do you want me to give you the cancer? Normally look, don't believe me, look for it, investigate but it hits the masculinos les pega donde más les duele. Primero en el bolsillo, cáncer de bolsillos, no, ¿dónde les pega a los masculinos? En la próstata, sí y a las mujeres dependiendo, dependiendo si son rollos con la pareja, con el papá en los senos, son los hijos in the uterus, in the ovaries, and from there on out many organs that have a symbolism in our emotions. Will it be convenient for us to connect to the magic of forgiveness? Yes, that decision so great in our life that is made through a conscience and say I want to free myself from this cycle of resentment in which I got into, I don't know how or when, but I want to free myself from here. I want out of this prison of resentments, guilt and revenge. Why? Because it suits me. Yes, we need to be smart. We need to make decisions for convenience. There are things that we do need to do for convenience, because it suits us. It suits us! What comes with what I decide? Si yo decido esto, ¿qué va a venir a mi vida? Eso es convenir. Todas las palabras tienen un simbolismo y un significado. Les decía al principio que las palabras, esos sonidos nos vibran, nos mueven fibras. Fíjense, ya como dato curioso, no sé cuánto tiempo me quede. ¿Cinco minutos? Sí. Saben ustedes la palabra familia. Ay, yo quiero tener una familia, dicen forma tu familia, ya formaste tu familia hijo, este ay tu familia como va a ser grande, pequeña, si, la familia para allá, la familia para acá, la família de Alanón y familia para ya. Y esa palabra viene de su origen, tiene un, tenía un significado que vibraba para aquel tiempo. La que más he encontrado que se acerca, porque hay diferencia de opiniones, pero la que más he acercado, la palabra familia viene de famulus, ¿sí? Que quiere decir grupo de esclavos. Un fámulo en el tiempo de los griegos era un esclavo de la casa y el dueño, el rey, el rico, el amo tenía varios esclavos y eran los fámulos. Grupo de esclavo, qué paradigma traemos? Pero si hacemos conciencia desde cuál paradigma porque me encanta como dice Salvador es que estábamos tan a gusto ahí peleándonos todos los días, no éramos felices pero ahí estábamo juntos, como los esclavas o sea no nos queda otra más que estar aquí porque estamos We are slaves here and we can´t leave even if we don´t want to be together. When you say my family, what will your conscience be? My slaves or my little slaves? That will be your conscience or it will be my clan, my gang, my loved ones? What will be you conscience? We need to drink every day of the best medicine, of the best antioxidant to live a great quality life that is consciousness. Wake up, wake up, stop living in zombie mode, in somnambulism mode, doing automatic things. I don't even realize that I'm stuck in a cycle of resentment, I haven't realized that and I'm still blaming, blaming myself, taking away from myself whenever I can. And I'm there, stuck, stuck and life goes very fast. How could it be more beautiful to live free of guilt, of hatred, of revenge? Or living in that cycle? It's a comfort zone. Which forgiveness do you want them to give you? teeth out or from the heart out? What are you going to do? How are you going to work forgiveness? We have a lot of homework, because the round up comes to live together, it comes to share but it also comes to carry homework. On the previous topic I left the homework, I don't know who were here on the previous topic, can you raise your hand? Oh well, those who weren't there then ask for la tarea a los que estuvieron. Si no, ahí van a estar los CDs. ¿Tres meses de qué? Cero, con Z. Cero ayuda. Tres meses de cero ayuda, ¿puede ser ese desafío? Es que visualízate, hazte una expectativa de ti sobre eso, ahí sí puedes, es una expectativasensata porque sí se puede y además es sobre ti y no sobre otra persona. A ver las esposas, ¿sí? Tres meses de, a ver, de calentar, de no calentar las tortillas al marido, pues él se las puede calentar solo. ¿Verdad? O sea, lo que tú haces por otro. Mira, vamos a sentar una base porque tampoco se trata de volverse así tan, tan ojeis, ¿no? No, no, no. Mira. Si tú, a las mujeres voy to talk if you already did a lot in the day you worked at work that generates income you did things for the house and the husband came later than the bill because it was also late yes he also comes tired just like you and there is the food in the stove in the pots and what you say I already want sit down for a little while and you go sitting I do not know if it has happened you have two minutes, two minutes that you just sat down, you already took a comfortable posture, you raised your feet when you hear the car coming. You say no because it would have arrived before I sat down because I was already tired but the automation is, well, I have to get up because my husband has arrived, you have to heat the food and serve it and heat the tortillas, pero están en igual de circunstancias y cansados trabajaron verdad entonces en el reto del cero ayuda de tres meses ahí está el caso este mirar mira mi amor ahí está la comida las en las ollas sirve te calienta te y venga sepaka sientes un lado de mí porque usted muy cansada y si me puede servir a mí mejor o sea el rector es ser ayuda para allá no sé no 0 no pedir ayuda pues pedir ayuda para ti porque estamos trabajando en la autoestima podrías hacerlo igual que ustedes muchachos igualito que ustedes o sea ya dieron lo máximo en el día sí quieren ver el fútbol quieren no sé este hacer lo que más les gusta sí y llega a the old woman and says, oh my love, take out the dog. And you're going to say, well, I'm sorry for the dog, let him go, the dog can only run and come back. The challenge of three months, zero help is to realize how much I don't think about myself, how do I reward myself, yes? How much do I know what is it that I like, how much anxiety and neurotic need do I have to be helping and solving life for others. It's three months of self-observation, that's the task. And the other task is to start working on that writing, on that examination of consciousness, towards what am I resentful or resentful? How many guilt do I carry myself? Y empezar a trabajar en ese proceso, ¿sí? De la oscuridad del resentimiento a la libertad, a la luz del perdón. Bueno, pues muchísimas gracias. Seguimos, todavía queda el día de mañana. Parece que hay una sección de preguntas y respuestas que vamos a estar aquí colaborando Salvador y yo. ¿Algo así, Salvador? Sí. Ay, amigo. Pero a ver qué nos preguntan, ¿no? ¿A qué hora salimos de Alfán? Ok, muy bien. Eso sí lo puedo decir. Bueno, muchas gracias. Buenas noches. . . Thank you.