Understanding the Illness of Alcoholism in the Inventory Process – Tom F.

I'm Tom Iverson, an alcoholic, and my sobriety date is Groundhog Day of 57. And delighted to see you in our workshop, our theme, A Simple Care of Spiritual Tools. We're supposed to say that. That's the party line. So I got that out of the way. and we'll focus on one area that may be called a tool shed. I forgot my topic. Oh, can I see the program? Greg, you're a wonderful person. He just licked on it, spit on it. There's no class at all. Steps into service, yeah, geez. Thank you. I forgot it all the way from there to here. That's a really good thing, and I learned last night. I thought I was going to do an hour on it, so I had to un-edit it. I mean, I hadと uncut it this morning because I'm going to be doing 30 minutes, and then we're going to get into participation hooting at it. So I'm gonna have to get at it real hot and heavy. I really like that introduction to what we're going to do here with steps into service. A lot of times we treat service like it's a separate entity, like it'S a separate kind of activity instead of being the outcome of what the steps are about. And so that's essentially what I want to get at. If I'm going to talk four hours, I don't need to prepare. If I've got 30 minutes, I've Got to prepare And so I jotted down a little bit of keep it short and simple stupid stuff here. Just one thing just to kind of set a tone maybe. If you look in the book, if there was another word for alcoholism, it would be self-centered, fear-based self-centeredness and isolation. And I say that because service comes right full swoop into why it's so important in our own recoveries. And so I want to kind of approach it that way. And I like that notion of steps, and I want to put it into context as a step. Now, obviously, we won't have time to go through them, but let me just distill it right down to the essence of what the steps are according to Tom. That little thing in the 12 and 12 that says our steps are a group of principles spiritual in nature that if practiced as a way of life will expel the obsession and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole. That's why I like to look at the steps, you know, that they're a way of life, they're not a series of obstacles to climb, they are a way of life that if we practice, amazing things happen. And I like to look at them, if they do break down into sort of working units, the way I would look at it is that the first three are basically the foundation for recovery. Not really recovery, they're the steps that stop the bleeding, stop the drinking, they'rethe steps that give us that base and surrender that's so critical to recovery and then the hope in the second step and thenthe use of the power in the third step. And so what that does for me is is that it really constitutes the foundation for recovery. It's not about restoration, that's about hanging on and surviving. I know people who have gone that far in the program and not another step and have died sober. The thing about Alcoholics Anonymous is you quit when you reach the point that you're willing to settle for. And so if you're willin' to settle for survival on a daily basis, that quite adequate. And you can live with some peace. Not enough for an aggravated case like me. The next group that I like to look at, and I'm going to break them down a little bit more than I normally would, is understanding the illness. In that inventory process, it's not just about finding about naughty behavior. It's about starting to understand, one, that I am truly beat, that I truly have an illness called alcoholism. It's not a run of bad drinking or a run-of-bad luck. There is something constitutionally different about me and other people who are not alcoholic. If I take a drink, I cannot predict what I'll do. I have an illness called alcoholism. It's permanent. It ain't going nowhere. And the inventory process is the thing that anchored that fact for me. It also opened the door to understanding that there's a whole lot more to not drinking than not drinking. A whole lot. A whole whole lot of alcohol. There's a whole lot more to alcoholism than drinking. And so what it does is it starts to open the door to what defects of character are about. I heard somebody say one time, and I agree with it, that we alcoholics are not a unique breed. We're just like other people, only more so. And we don't have... Think about it. And that's true. Every human being experiences fear. Everything being experienced is isolation and anger and disgust and guilt and shame. We're not unique. But when we have those things, they go beyond just kind of a nuisance level and often become disabilities, real disabilities. And so the difference with us is that we'll tend to go more extreme for whatever reason. And we could do a causation seminar if we wanted to. But the fact of the matter is this, when I look at my alcohol, I've got to understand what is it that drives this ship? What is itthat makes a drink so important to me? What isit that makes it do something for me more special than does an average cat? And so four and five basically help me understand that illness. What isIt that I'm dealing with here? What is It that's gotten me into bondage of self? And then six and seven are about change. Critical, critical point in the program where I think you either get into real recovery or you detour into survival, six and seven. I think they're a pivotal point. Well, we've taken a look at the illness, we've taking a look at the nature of this thing and now that we've reached a point where you want to get well or don't you? You want to be free or don t you? Are you willing to change or aren t you ? Do you want work on one side of the street or are you going to try to straddle the middle? And so it's a real critical decision point for me. And then 8 and 9, it's the healing steps in a way. They're the healing footsteps in that they're the place where we go back and straighten out the wreckage of the past, where we start to fix our jangled and distorted relationships with the world around us, whether it's people, places, or things, but where we start to get peace and reconciliation with the folk and things that are important in our lives. And so critically important steps there. I think they're the freedom steps. They're the steps that make us free. My belief is that I will never be a free man. I don't care if I stay sober 80 years. I will never be a free man until I go back and make right the wrongs that are my history because every time I abused or misused any kind of person, place or thing I didn't win a battle I lost a battle and paid for it with the peace of my soul and those things don't go away they don't goes away time does not heal those kinds of things are buried deeply in here and I will ever be at peace I'll never be free until I go back and make right those things. And that's what those steps are about. They're the ones that fix it so I can take my place in the world comfortably, engage in life like any other human, and do fairly well, can do doggone well. And so hugely important steps in 8 and 9. Now, I kind of rushed through that a little bit because those are the steps that prepare us for service. Those are the things that get us ready to be able to go out and not be hanged dog and apologetic and all that kind of stuff, where we can go out and be free and not have that guilt kind of thing that we drag around. And so we're ready to go into service. And kind of interesting to me that, well it's more than interesting, It's critically important to me that when we, I'll figure out something. It's too tilted. I'm going to have it in my lap if I try to use that thing. I think there's something awfully important. There's all these things that are a transition. But when we finish 8 and 9, I think there's a profoundly important transition that occurs. And if you think about it, most of you can recite it. I can't. But at the end of it, we go through the promises here. And there's unbelievable things that are promised to happen before even halfway through the first nine steps. And these things will have happened. And then, at the end of mine, the ballgame changes. The ballgame changed. Will, last night, asked me a question. He said, do you still do the steps with your sponsor? I said, no, I don't do the step with my sponsor. When my sponsor and I talk about steps, we talk about how we're using them as a tool. I'm not in the business of fix me at my point in sobriety. It doesn't mean I'm healed. But if I'm still walking around checking my pulse every 30 minutes, I better take a look at what I'm doing. Because you go back to what I said about what's in the 12 and 12. Our steps are a set of principles or whatever they call it, group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which if practiced as a way of life, not done once a year, but if practiced as a day of life will free me from the obsession and drink and give me a life that will make me happily and usefully whole. Now, you think about that, something that sounds a little sacrilegious. Does that mean that you get points you don't need to work steps? No. You need to walk steps every day, but it becomes a way of life. It's not a mechanical thing. I don't get up in the morning and say, I think I'll do step 10. I don' t do that. I don''t go to bed at night and say I think i'll do Step 11. You know, those principles that I operate by become a normal way to live. And they're the things that lead me into service. I want to just kind of draw us in a little bit on somebody else's book. Mine has shrunk a little here. Yeah, I'm glad that you're old, Paul. It's step ten. It's written as if it's about keep your finger on your pulse, how you're doing. What's hidden in that little step is amazing because the inventory part of it is the tip of the iceberg for my money. This business is about where am I wrong and how do I fix it. It's the tip of the iceberg. And the real message of step 10, let me just refer to a couple things in here that are real keys to me. One thing here about when these problems, we keep watching for those character defects. We keep watching for those things to get out of whack, like resentment or fear or anger, stuff like that. We keep watchin' for those, because while they're removed, they ain't removed very far. They're about one day of not practicing the principles removed. And you let me go about a day without practicing the principle, those suckers will be knockin' on my door big time. What I believe is that the program of recovery lasts as long as I use it and not one more second. There ain't no cruise control. As long as i practice it, it works and beautifully. But the minute i quit, i don't go into neutral, i go into reverse and i'll start slowly drifting backward. And so we watch for those things. But listen to what it says about how we deal with it. Number one, we ask God to remove it. Second, we discuss it with somebody. If it deserves discussion, we'll discuss it with somebody and third, we take actions to deal with. We don't go into a Freudian analysis. We don'T need to write a book about it. We don't need to go up on the mountain and stare at our navels or go into a whole bunch of anguish. We're goofed, that's all. We're goofy. And then we immediately take care of business and deal with that sucker. That's the utility of that inventory action thing, that we don't make a career out of fixing one little old goof. If it gets serious, then we'll do something else. But most of the time, if we're on top of our game, we're going to recognize it quick. We're going act on it quick And that's the intent. Then, hear what it says. We take that action, then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others as I quote. We don't dwell on the fixing of that thing, we get on with the business of living. Because when we move into 10, 11, and 12, what we're moving into is how to put these principles to work as a way of life in everything that we do. And when we do it that way, you can't avoid service. It's just a natural product of the process. Service is built in if I do these principles. And so right above that, there's a line that to me is pretty important. One, we've entered the world of spirit. We're living a spiritual kind of a life. And somewhere in the book says that it's a spiritual life. It's either everything or it's nothing. We practice everything that we do. So we've enter the world in spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness, not insight or clarity, but in understanding and effectiveness. How well do I understand the illness? How well does it help me understand the dilemma of somebody in a treatment center? How well can I understand a dilemma of someone walking in? How well will I understand how to deal with somebody who doesn't know what their problem is? Understanding and effectiveness is what I do. worthwhile in terms of working, then it's time to take a look at not just blundering through but thoughtfully looking at how to engage in stuff. How to improve and understand ineffectiveness. It's also a point where I think I'll just mention it and maybe come back with I don't know if I will or not but I'll juste mention it. It's a point where I have to start to understand that if I really want to be of service, I've got to get out of my own shadow. I've gotta be able to recognize that service is a lot more than just doing what's immediately in front of me. It's like Paul was talking about going down to the kitchen. That's a service. That's the service thing. He says, all right, have a cookie with you. All right, take care of yourself. But keep one free to do something with. And starting to recognize that service is a kind of a unifying activity. When I think about service, I have to think about my group. My group is part of my kit of spiritual tools. If I go work with an alcoholic one-on-one, I can do that. My God, anybody that says they can't do that, it never has read working with others. That's the most detailed manual I have ever read about how to do something. If you think you don't know how to do 12-step work, read Working With Others. I guarantee you, you'll know howto do it. Breach the devil out of how to put a wagon together. I say about that this morning, they've got full ideas on how to pull a wagon together and I swear to God, they ought to publish an encyclopedia on it. It's complicated. This is simple. This is real simple compared to that. So, how to work with others. If I work with an alcoholic and I get him convinced that this program is worth trying, like that old boy working on John. He was a hard case, I tell you. The old cowboy didn't give up, though, did he? He wrestled you to the ground. That's good to do. But that cowboy didn' heal him. He took him to A. And so what I have to recognize is that my group is a huge part of my effectiveness. And if I don't have a good group where I can confidently take an alcoholic and know that he's going to get the message, I've got a limited toolkit. And so I have to recognize that. It don't matter how good I am at doing this thing, if I Don't Have a Group That Delivers, what I'm doing is conning the guy. I'm conning him, and it won't hold up. So I haveと recognize that I have TO recognize that the forces of Alcoholics Anonymous around me are a part of what I'M part of. And so if I really want to be effective, then I've got to look at things that will get me beyond just my own narrow view and into a broader view of what this is about. And so learning how to be affective is a part of the deal. And that whole business in 10, 11, and 12 are about how to put these principles to work everywhere. And it really is not all that hard. You know, when I first got in the program and heard folk talking about living a spiritual life and all that, it sounded to me like they were heavenly zombies or something, you know, that they just kind of pray and God put them on automatic and let them just sort of cruise through life. And it sounded that mystical to me. And spiritual life sounded like some kind of a magic show, you know, that if you just sort of pay your dues one day, you get zapped sober. That's what it sounded like. I never thought it was going to happen, and I was kind of scared it would. And as I wasn't all that keen about getting turned into a heavenly robot, I had some resistance to it. And what these steps do is bring that down to earth. and by the time I get to this point I'm ready to start practicing the spiritual thing now the book lays out a lot of ways to engage this spiritual thing in 10-11 let me just tell you what I do and I try to do that this morning because I didn't have my right equipment to do it so I just did it do it anywhere I do it on airplanes, walking I do at all kinds of places but I've got a favorite place, most of y'all this is not a strange crowd to me most of you all, some of you don't know that I've got a pond and there's a story behind it that I won't tell right now but I've gotta pond out behind my house, just a little old pond but it's a beautiful thing and it's got a waterfall and I'm a sucker for water, God knows I love waterfalls, love that kind of moving stuff like that river up by Beartooth that's one of the most wonderful places is I sat out on a rock in that river, did it? In Montana, praying I wouldn't fall into that river. A cave freeze slammed to death up there and that stuff. We do it anywhere. But what I do is a matter of routine now. And this is how I get into service. I mean, I don't have to plan it and target stuff. What I do was get into the right condition the way it's laid out here. And what I do every morning, I go out, unless it's bad weather or something, but I go outside and sit down by that pond. And I just kind of watch the fish or give them some groceries, and then I just watch them bopping around doing their thing. Listen to that waterfall. And I can just sort of feel myself settling down. You don't have to start humming or anything. I just sort to settle down and get clear, get into a good frame of mind. And then, in the process, I talk to my higher power. And what I ask God to do is three things, three basic things. One is to make me mindful of the gift I've been given. And this is my view of the guilt gift I'm being given. I have an illness that's shared by people all over this globe, all over this globe. I know of no society that's not touched by it. Millions and millions, probably billions of alcoholics. There are a few of us, us, and a few more, that add up to just about a tiny blip on the radar screen. When you look at the world population of alcoholics and those of us in AA, my God, we're barely a blip on the screen. Now I don't ponder why us. I don' t ponder why me. But I guarantee you I don''t take it for granted. 95% of alcoholists in this world die of the illness quite young never knowing there's a way out. and I've been given a gift man I have been given a gift of a brand new way of life of freedom and real opportunities to engage in life not only not drinking good God that's just a bare beginning but being restored and where I come from so I want to be mindful of that I want it I want you to be mindful that I didn't just give up a social life and take on AA no I'm a guy who has been given a new life by the amazing grace of God. His business, why? Not mine. But God knows I don't want that to be a no-brainer. I want to be keenly aware, mindful of what I've been pulled from. And that keeps me ever grateful and ever mindful of how I fit into this picture. and then if I feel that I want to act like it I don't want to I want a good example of the gift I've been given that ain't asking much is it yeah I want be somebody who when I go around and interact with people if people don't know I'm an AA it ain't my fault I guarantee you I don' t hide it much if you don't wanna know and don't really know a lot about it Don't ask me, because I guarantee I'll pin you to the wall. So I'm not a shrinking violet with that. But if I'm going to do that, there is a huge responsibility that goes with that, because I want to be a good example. I don't want to become somebody who repels people from alcoholic synonymous. I don't want to be somebody who talks about a spiritual life and my mouth sounds like an open sewer. I don' t want to do that because that's not a message that I want to communicate because I don''t think it's a message at all. I think it''s a warning sign. And so I don ''t want to d o that. I want t be mindful of what I've been given and at a minimum, I want ta be a good example that the gift wasn't wasted. It' s not a whole lot, is it? But see, that's what I want da do That's what I'm doing in the morning is getting prepared to go out with that frame of mind. And then the third thing I ask for is to be sensitive to opportunities to be of service. If you say that prayer, you better mean it. I guarantee you better means it because you'll be amazed before you get out the door. Opportunities to be a service are everywhere. Everywhere. I rarely see anybody that doesn't need some service of some kind. Now, that doesn' t just mean being a GSR or a delegate or a trustee. Those are noble areas of service. But it means just being a decent human. It means just writing somebody's load. It doesn' T matter who it is. just to be of service so that I'm thinking of others and not dwelling on me. And my God, how that works. How that works And what it does is it absolutely changes the character of the world I live in. That's a fact. That's A Fact. I travel all the time and most of the time I meet strangers all the Time But the overwhelming majority of people that I meet are warm, gracious, considerate people. They're always. I'm amazed at sometimes you're like in airports where everybody's mad and everybody's in a hurry. And just taking an extra five seconds to just sort of kid around a little bit with the person waiting on me. Amazing what happens. Amazing what happens. Just simple stuff, you know. And so that's what I want to be. You know, I want to be somebody who is service minded. Like the book said, we need to focus on others. You know I would submit to you that you don't deal with a problem whose core is self-centeredness by focusing on yourself. I think they call that feeding the illness, you know. And so there's great therapy in what I'm talking about. This is not becoming Mahatma Gandhi. This is about just becoming a good functioning human being. And the old cliche that you hear is more than a cliche. You cannot give away more than you get. And that's a fact. That is a fact。 And I've got a thousand stories about that, but I'll just pick one. Well, just recently, a buddy of mine rides a Moto Guzzi motorcycle and he won't steal my gold wing. We were talking motorcycles. And I was just up in Oregon, and I had to go from Oregon to Vancouver, so I drug my wife along with me in a car in Oregon. So I'm in the car. Now, you know how it is in a card rental. Everybody's trying to get first in line, and you've got 50 people trying to go through one keyhole. And so there's a whole lot of pushing and shoving, and the poor folk up there are trying to wrestle around and show you maps and tell you where the tourist attractions are, and they want to tell you, get out of here and drive the car! And so they're not really happy people. So I got up there, and this lady started telling me something. And I just started messing with her. I mean, I was just calling out, oh, I don't like a tense, unfriendly environment. And so I just starting messing with it a little bit. And I had ordered a midsize little ugly car because I could afford that. and so when we started to do the deal she said would you be willing to take a something fancy it's their second highest priced car Yukon or some such thing big old things she said would you be willing I said what for and she said well I don't know I'd just kind of like for you to try this car and I said, oh my God. People always want me to do stuff. She said, well, I'd appreciate it if you would. I said okay, I'll take the thing. Well, I knew she was giving me a luxury car. I didn't ask for anything. I didn' t want that. All I'm doing is trying to give off some warm signals to a human being. See what I mean? And so that whole experience, instead of getting through a hassle and say, Boy, I'm glad I got through there. I've got a warm memory. Got a warm member. And it's just that way. I mean, the world works that way So when we say this, it's true that Alcoholics Anonymous is a selfish program. But it's the weirdest kind of selfish you have ever seen. It's about 90% give and about 10% get. And when I give, stuff happens. And so I guess what I'm saying is that service is not an outside issue. Service is not a extra added attraction. My firm belief is this. Any recovery that does not have an active service component in it is a recovery that has been shortchanged. I believe that. Any group that does not have an active service life beyond the walls of the meeting is a group that has been shortchanged. And so my belief about service is that it is integral to this whole process. And if I do these steps as a way of life, I don't have to search it out. It will become an instinct and it will happen everywhere I go. Thanks. I look forward to the participation. Thank you. Thank you, Bob. All right. It says here we're going to have a 30-minute break. Paul, participation, it's not on here. Okay, we're gonna have... I heard you. I heard your voice. you the whole time and I was sitting here looking, where's participation? And I couldn't see it. All right, I've been shown the way. We're going to have participation. Is John L. from Mormon here? My name is John Lloyd and I am an alcoholic and I've been sober since December 18, 2000. My home group is the Phoenix Group, and I have a Moto Guzzi. Tom's delightful. That was a good talk, Tom. It really has made me think. But I've got to tell you, I'm a little worried. Last year at this conference, we had a financial seminar thing. And as the years progressed, I thought I was making progress and I have $10 in my bank account. And I almost didn't come to the conference. So I don't know what this holds for next year. You know, I may be the most selfish SOB around and not quit all the service jobs and everything. Who knows? I was trying to make a joke, but that didn't come out too good, did it? Just beware what you hear here. I probably should shut up. I enjoy these conferences. I enjoyed our speakers. John was great last night and I've enjoyed the fellowship and I look forward to becoming and I lie a lot and every year I threaten to not come back, and I keep coming back. I really appreciate what you shared. I really, really do. Because I get to wondering sometimes, well, I've kind of gone through this mechanical step procedure, and now what? More jobs? You know, yuck. But the more I do that, the better I, the more comfortable and useful I find myself becoming. And for me, it is a chore. I am not naturally giving. I like to think that I am. I like the feeling that I'm giving. I like thinking that I m outgoing and helpful to people, but it really takes effort for me because I really am selfish, and that is my core problem, alcohol being but a symptom. So thank you. I m done. Tom from Brewstone. Well, I came here last year, and I'm Tom, I'm alcoholic, excuse me. But man, I'll tell you, I just, I didn't want to be here, and I had to get drug up here, and it was three months sober, And, you know, I just would have rather done anything but come here. And I went back out and got drunk and had to spend a little more time in that misery. And today I came, and I'm eight months, three weeks, and two days sober. And I really wanted to come. And I'm really enjoying being here. And I guess that's all. Thank you. Brian W. from Sepulpa. Not here. Oh, there he is. Come on up. Come on down! Thank you. I'm Brian and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time here I don't blame my sponsor for that But anyway If anybody needs some work on their spiritual tools It would be me So I'm just going to listen to what you guys have to say And I'm glad to be here Thank you, Bob Louie P. from Norman My name is Lou, I'm an alcoholic I've been sober since March 31st, 2002 and I heard it said up here several times that people didn't want to be here and I kind of fell in that category where I kind of had a, it's been a kind of a trying week for me, but these tools that I got to use, you know, like it says in prayer, I'm willing to believe that they work. And if I just keep doing what I'm doing and what's in front of me, trying to do the right things, things just always seem to work out. And just last night, right after I got here, I started fellowshipping and things just started getting better. And that's why I come to these things and keep going to my meetings and, you know, just try to stay committed. And I'm glad everybody's here. I was going around looking, reading all the names up here on these banners last night and, uh, you don't miss some of these people that ain't here, you now. Just thinking about memories, you kno, some of them ain't even on this earth anymore and some of em, you kno, went on their own way and some have moved on, you know, moved out of state or whatever. But there's a lot of guys on these banners that are here and I'm grateful for that. Thank you. Keith Cady from Tulsa. Keith Cary. All right, man. My name is Keith. I'm an alcoholic. and I'm excited to be here. I can get up here and not have to worry about what my hair looks like. It's just a bunch of guys hanging out and I am here to make friends. I've been calling a lot of people here lately and making a lot of friends and actually starting to laugh. So I'm looking forward to the fellowship and, you know, the stuff he shared, you know, touched my heart. And I'm just grateful to be here. Glad you guys are here. Juan D. from Norman. Juan! My name is Juan D., as I'm alcoholic. I've been sober since October 31st, 2004. I'm just going to grab this. I don't know. I like being here. I like going to conferences, especially men's conferences. It's pretty cool. It sure beats where I used to be. I mean, that's just... I like Being Here rather than being in an abandoned house selling drugs or drinking a lot. I'm so grateful for the life I have. Being sober is really good. I mean, my life is really good. I got a lot of gratitude. I got up and prayed this morning feeling that wind and sun was coming up. It's just I like being out here. Last year wasn't so great but now it's really good and I just hope it continues tomorrow. Just try to be a good example today. I really like what you had to say, Tom. Straight clear cut to the point and just, I mean, you couldn't miss the message you were trying to talk about what you were saying. But I just appreciate everybody being here. Thanks. Steve C. from Shawnee. Good morning. I'm Steve on my call. Good morning, everybody. My sobriety is February 5th of 85. I'm sure glad to be here this morning thank Tom for sharing this morning appreciate that and sure enjoyed hearing John tell a story last night had a good week listening to Tom this morning I keep thinking about the reason that I do things today and I know the reason I did them steps the first time because every time them guys that were hanging around the group like those guys John talked about last night would just keep telling you, no, you don't have to. You can go get drunk and die. But you don' t have to do that inventory. You don' T have to make them amends. I mean, every time it seemed like you come up to another step, oh, no, Steve, you don''t have to deal with that. You don''T have to at all. Go get drunk, you know. And there was one in our group too that would say, here''s a dollar. We''ll buy you a fresh drink. Get on out of here. And he''s still sober named Wayne. A lot of them guys knew him. But the reason that I do those steps in the service has changed from that. And I still do it because I want to stay sober, don't get me wrong. But from what it's going to do for me, it's changed because of what it has done for me. Because of what has already been done. How could I say no to these requests? How could I treat people poorly? And I still do it. I still fall way short a lot of times. But because of what's been done through these steps, because of What God Has Done, because that obsession has been removed, because for the most part my life is happily and usefully whole, because of the things that have been done, then service just seems to naturally follow. How could I not be concerned about my home group and get there early and stay late and help set up or clean up or whatever needs to be done? Those things seem to just follow natural out of the gratitude for what has happened. And they don't... What seemed at first to be a burden is the thing I look forward to the most. I don't know about y'all, I was not just naturally unselfish and giving and kind. I've still got a long way to go. When you start mentioning those things, you think, oh man, what if somebody saw me last week? But one of the first things that my sponsor had me do was there would be a new guy show up at the group and they'd say, Steve, go talk to him. And I'd think, I don't want to go talk with him. Look at him. You know what I mean? He needs help. I don't want to help him. And now, you know, and they just made me. They just dragged me over there and put me in front of them and say, this is Steve, you Know, and then they'd make me talk to him. And then after a while you start doing it because, you Now, they just look at you. They don't have to tell you or twist your arm and take you over there. They just kind of look across the room at you like, You Know, and you go ahead and do it. And then pretty soon you just do it, pretty soon. You notice somebody you hadn't seen before and you stick your hand out and you say, Hey, my name's Steve. Welcome. Come on, I'll show you where the coffee pot is. You can sit by me during a meeting. And then you start realizing that's the thing that you just look forward to. And I don't know how that happened from doing something that I didn't want to do that I was just forced to do basically to being the thing that I looked forward to more than anything else seeing a new guy walk in and thinking, God dang, you know, tonight after the meeting we're going to sit down and, boy, we're gonna let him have it. And man, and you think, yeah, and you see somebody start nodding their head once in a while and you say, man, you Know, and how does that happen? That as a result of working these steps. So I don't think it mattered that I did them the first time just to save my own butt. Obviously it didn't. I had no unselfish reason for working on them the very first time. I don't think there was a bit of it. But as a result of that, getting to live a life of service that I found to be the easiest way of life at all. I never dreamed that the things I would get to do today, that first of all, I'd want to do them, and second of all that they would bring so much into my life And that it would be easy. I looked at what them guys ahead of me did as just hard labor, like, boy, just almost torture. You know, I'm doomed. I'm sentenced to Alcoholics Anonymous for the rest of my born days. I've got to hang out with these losers, you know? and then to come from that to full circle to realize man this is the best way of life I've ever known why did I fight it so much I don't know that's part of what's wrong with us I think is that we just we just don't want to do what's good for us I don' t know I don''t know why but to come full circle to being able to live the kind of life that I never dreamed was available to me and it turns out to be the best way of my life the best life I've every known and man I'm so grateful for that I'm so grateful for those guys that were on me, that kept prodding me along to keep doing things I didn't want to do because they cared enough about me to just eat me on up the trail. And hopefully because of that, I get to stick around and do the same thing for somebody behind me. So thanks for having me this weekend. I sure enjoyed it. Will B. from Tulsa. My name is Will Bryant, and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober since February the 6th of 1997, and really looking forward to coming here this weekend, my eighth weekend here at Rock Creek. And I was thinking about what Steve was saying and looking at the stages some of the guys that sponsor are at. Go talk to this guy. Go talk... What? What? Me? Get over there and talk to him. And now you look over at, you know, like Dave. Look at Dave. He's like, no, I don't want some cake. I'm fine, you knows. No, I'm not talking about cake, buddy. Get over here and talk with the new guy, you known. Come on. So it's a... And that was, you knoW, I mean, a couple years ago. And so Dave's probably progressed, I've sure been. I'm thinking looking at these guys and really getting enjoyment out of talking to guys like Tom and different guys that I don' t get to hang out with very much, even in my own home group about working this stuff in our lives and really doing this stuff and talking about the amends that are not fun to make and the ones that have to be made and the rules and requirements that are programmed tells us what we have to do and some of the things I don't want to do. But just that joy that you're talking about that I have received and a sincere life of gratitude and hopefully a life of service by my actions like what you were talking about. And, you know, those things, I mean, there wasn't a prayer. There wasn't any line in the book. There wasn'The guy I could talk to on February the 5th this year when I found out my father had been murdered the day before. There was only actions I could take because I went to that space of desperation and despair and hatred and, you Know, in my mind that I could not escape. And you guys came over to my house, and you said, let's do this. Let's talk to some people. Let's go. And so my sobriety date being February the 6th, that's when I chaired my home group meeting to celebrate my birthday. And I had a commitment to chair my group two days later, and that's what I did. And in my mind, I'm thinking, I don't want to be here. I don' t care about this anymore, and this is worthless, and what's it all for? And the fact is, by looking at my sponsor, he chaired this conference one year. Actually, the year I got married. So it's one reason I missed this conference one year. So I'm still making amends, a living amends for that, he says. And that will be a continual process, if I'm to believe it. But he held his commitment. And just from a simple example like that, I heard at the time because he was going to be at my wedding. I didn't get what I wanted, so I thought... But he chaired this conference and held his commitments. So what an example to me that on my home group that week I got to chair the meeting at my group and I didn't get to fall apart mentally or emotionally like I would have of it in my own means. I got to be there and I got a part of Alcoholics Novice and I lived through some devastating stuff that you guys showed me how to do. What a great weekend. I love seeing guys come back here and really kick into this deal and really dive into what we're doing here. I'm thinking to myself when Tom's talking, And, man, my mouth is sometimes like a – well, it's not good. It's not a good place, you know, not a great thing. And I've got to really inventory myself and what I do and what kind of person I am and wherever I go, what kindof Alcoholics Anonymous member am I being. And so I'm grateful to see these examples and the guys like put on this weekend. I'm glad for you guys that have been doing it for years and guys like Calvin, you Know, and I thank you for letting me be a part of it. Thanks. Bob T. from Norman Bob has left the building I'm Bob and I am an alcoholic I've been sober since May 29, 1994 I'm really grateful. Thanks, Tom. Appreciate it. I didn't even recognize the theme of the conference, but before we even got started early yesterday, we started talking about the idea that the kit of spiritual tools, they're laid at our feet. That means I have to kneel down and get them. And I'll be honest with you, I haven't been doing that. Therefore, I get to enjoy the consequences. I'd say suffer the consequences, but it's a mess. I know the tools work. I've been here long enough to have some periods of time where what you guys keep talking about when you employ them, they work. But it's like I can't build a house if I don't get a saw out, you know? So therefore, I'm really grateful to have made it this year. It's been difficult because I haven't been doing that. In fact, if I go on my coffee table at home and pick up my daily reflections, I believe my bookmark will be somewhere in July. And that makes it very difficult to maintain any sense of purpose. So I'm really grateful that you guys allow me to be of service here at this conference to try to get out of that and get back into the frame of mind and into the book. and there's some areas of that book that I have not touched in the action part I mean I've read them I've discussed them but I haven't taken the action I really want to stay sober and stay hanging out with you guys but I really don't want to be here you know what I mean it's like I don't wanna I'm a guy who's been on a regular basis over the years probably five or six meetings a week and it's just the way my schedule works out. I work at night so I get up in the noon and start my day with a meeting and that's been working very well until I decided I got tired, bored or so focused on the problem that I didn't want to go to any more meetings. I started picking meetings which ones I'm not going to cut out. That's a part of the tools that you've given me that I've chosen not to use. So rather than try to paint a glowing picture about what could possibly happen to your life if you use these tools, I hope that I can paint the ugliest picture of what happens if you don't. Because sobriety, I mean, the insanity of not drinking is one thing. Inebriation without getting drunk is an experience that I do not want to revisit. But I also don't want to stay where I'm at right now and being sober and dark. That's all I have to offer. Thanks. Lee G. from Shawnee. My name is Lee. I'm an alcoholic. It's about the date of September 21st, 1992. And I like what Bob was saying, it was what I was thinking about the theme of the conference. If I know those tools are there and if I use them then I get the results. I don't know how you use them and I do use them to some extent but every time I go through a situation during the day where I could be a good example about Alcoholics Anonymous, I could And, you know, my sponsor, I was going through some difficult situations early in sobriety. And he said, you will go through this with grace and dignity. And I said, well, I will? How do I do that? I've never done it before. I don't know how. I've always made like a complete ass of myself because I insisted, you now, no, you would do it my way or whatever, you known. And he said, you take actions directly against your own self-will. And when I do service work, I'm still at this point in my sobriety. You know, there's a line in the book and it said that we'll be helping. I can't say it exactly, but it says we'll been helping people. But that feeling will be transcended by the feeling we get, you know. And I don't know if you guys know what line I'm talking about, but that line has always intrigued me and I can look it up and I'm thinking, I'm waiting for that to happen to me. Because I do service work, but I don' t jump up for joy when I do it. When they say, go do this, go talk to that guy, I'm not going like, oh boy, I get to help another alcoholic. You know, I'm not joyful about it. I do it, but I'm Not Like Joyful About It. I'm Thinking, Gee, You Know, This Guy Might Want Some Recovery and I Might Have To Spend Some Time With Him and Schedule, You Know, I MightHave To Work With Him. And I Might, You know That Would Take Away The Precious Time That I Want, That I Have During My Day To Do What I Want To Do, You Know, And I'm Still, You Know, Selfish And Self-Centered. But I do those things anyway. I'm on the committee at my group, and I belong to the Shawnee Big Book group. And I've been to a lot of Rock Creek conferences. And I appreciate guys like Warren. This is important to them. And Warren's not the only one, but I can remember Michael. Guys like this conference is important too. And they take a lot of time, and they put this thing on so that I can just drive over from Shawnee. And it's a real short drive, and it seems like every year they're going, come on, we're at Rock Creek Conference. There's no excuse not to be here for me. I don't have to drive a long way. And I always enjoy it. We always have just outstanding speakers, as we do Tom and John. But getting back to that, I guess I'm talking about that fourth dimension that they talk about. And that, as Tom was saying, that's still kind of a mystery to me. But it's a place where I want to get to. And I'm coming up. If I stay sober, you know, I celebrate. I always love this time of the year. I like this conference. To me, it signifies that change of seasons. You know, summertime is over and the fall. And I love the fall time of the year, football season, and really things that I can really get selfish and self-centered about. But that fourth dimension, you know, that's always intrigued me. I always want to go. That's where I want to be. That's Where I Want to Go. But it's really difficult for a selfish, self-centered drunk like me So if I pick up those If I just use those tools Use them Just use them God saved me from being angry Just use em And go on and go through this with grace and dignity and I'm just really grateful to be here and I am grateful to be sober today thank you ok now we will have a 30 minute break and be back here at 10.30 We're recycling because we like to spend money on food and not name tags here. Please make sure that the cabins that y'all are staying in this weekend are clean. I don't know for sure, but if there's still any more disposable cameras out, they need to be given to Bob or put back with the archives after the meeting. John's been recording everything all weekend and he's got it for sale. Tapes are $4 for a single, $25 for a set. CDs are $7 for singles and $30 for the set. Are there any more t-shirts? T-shirts are gone? T- shirts are gone. Say a mic for 20. No! there's one for sale and Mike has it for 20 bucks I think that's all the announcements and I'm going to turn the meeting over to Tom now well good morning guys good to see you, Tom Ivester, an alcoholic and I got kind of steered in here February 2nd of 57 and by the grace that God's been here since and I'm deeply, deeply grateful for that. And it's good to see you. I guess this paperwork and the wind don't mix. From the looks of the heavens... I knew it was too good to be true. Yeah, that's right. That's going to all lengths to make a guy feel at home. but this is the rock creek that I know and love. It is great to see you this morning, and I've enjoyed it. At the risk of using non-conference approved material, there's a guy named Henry Miller that's a writer. He wrote kind of raunchy little books. But he said something that's been on my mind this weekend for some reason, that just a little snippet of a thing introduced in a section of the book said if you would find the riches of the Indies or the treasures of the indies you must take the treasures of the Indians with you. And I thought about that when I was listening to the various kinds of feelings about coming to Rock Creek and people who come to Rock Greek expecting something to happen that's going to drastically change your lives, you're probably going to get a little disappointed. Unless you came with that treasure in your heart, you have a hard time nurturing it here. And this just came to mind about old Henry and his messages. So I really wish you well in where we go from here. And if it didn't happen here, the next stop you make, take the treasure with you. Take the treasure. Take the pleasure with you, go in there with a person who's got a vision of what life will be and you'll find it there but if you wait for somebody else to show it to you probably going to be a funeral trip so good luck what I want to do this morning is just kind of visit around a little bit on follow up on some of the stuff we were talking about yesterday I guess it was and maybe Please tone that down a little bit into kind of real-life stuff about where we are. I forgot exactly how I want to go at it. When you think about the spiritual life, the book says it awfully well that the spiritual lifestyle is not a theory. You have to live it. and it's either everything or it's nothing and it is in the practice of stuff that the miracle happens that it is not some kind of an all encompassing thing that just sort of puts us into a new dimension and we just stay there that the product of the spiritual life what I found and it was like I said the other day that the things that come to me in Alcoholics Anonymous are totally dependent on how current I am in my actions and the minute I quit doing it that's the minute that they stop happening and so the spiritual life is a very very real approach to living and sometimes when we talk about that I know when I first heard people talking about the spirit of life it really did sound so far away from where I was that it was unattainable and almost unthinkable and yet we get right down to it very simple very practical way to live and as I want to pick up a little bit on what i was talking about the other day and bring that down to real life you know i mentioned about how i start my day and and that's how i started my day but it doesn't mean that my day is going to be in in the spiritual realm all day long because i live in a world where life goes on and there are challenges and they're sometimes very disappointing sometimes frustrating things sometimes things that are scary that I have to deal with. And so what I've found is that if I really want the spiritual life to be an effective tool in my life, I haveと engage it to take care of the things that I encounter lots of days. And so, what I do, just like this, like speaking to this group, that I never, even though I've done this 10,000, probably more than that times, I never do it without an edge of anxiety. Somebody told me one time, if you ever lose that, keep your seat because your message has moved to your head instead of your heart. So if you're not a little uneasy with it, check out what you're doing. And so when I do that, I always take a minute and, well, a couple of minutes and I talk to my higher power about what I want to do. And I don't ask God to tell me what to say. He gave me a brain to think that up. I don' t ask for that. What I ask for is to come in and be the best example I'm capable of being. To be somebody that can give a little inspiration and hope to somebody. To share honestly about who I am and about what this program means in my life. and to do what's right. Not to do what's popular or what somebody is going to really love or yuck it up about but to do what's write you know to take I always remind myself that I don't think there's any such thing as an unimportant AA meeting I don' t think there's anything as a frivolous meeting now we get a lot of frivolity but underneath every meeting is critically important I guarantee you there's somebody sitting in this room today who's teetering in the balance. Teetering into balance. And it is amazing how impactful things we do can be. And so I always kind of keep mindful of that. It doesn't keep me from having a good time, but it helps me to focus on what I'm doing so that I don't become a trained SEAL just throwing out a bunch of words that I actually try to communicate. and so when I do that you know I get prepared to do it and it may not be the talk of the century but it'll be as sound as any talk I'm capable of making and so I do this and I do it and that's just one example of the things that I do when I have something to do that I'm fearful about or angry about or just something that puts me on edge a little bit I almost never just walk in to take care of business. Almost never. I always take the time to do basically that kind of thing. And before I go, I'll give you an example of the kind of things I'm talking about. And there are hundreds of thousands of them, but I'll gave you a couple examples of what it looks like in real life. in the business world you're going to have some things that go well and some things go bad I was running an organization that consisted when I was prison administrator it consisted of three prisons I had a warden in each one of those places in a program there and I was sitting in a meeting one day with some of the guys and I got a phone call and it was a guy that was over me And he said, yeah, I'm glad I caught you, Tom. I'm coming down to see you. And I said, what for? And he says, I'll go to fire one of my wardens. And that guy worked for me. He also counted on me to be the guy that looked after him, not just bossed him. But he counted me to being the guy who was going to make sure he didn't get screwed over. and so I held down the reaction that was right on the tip of my tongue and I said it might be a good idea if you meet with me first and he understood what I said and so we set up another meeting which he thought it over and cancelled but now you talk about a hot camper now I'm hot that's an ultimate insult to a manager I'm going to come in and fire one of my key leaders Ain't no way. Well, I was hot now. I always try not to take my business home. But I ain't that good because sometimes I do. That day I went home and you know how sometimes you're just absolutely caught up in it that you just don't trust yourself around people? So I went Home and I knew this was uncharacteristic but I got home and the wife of both kids were there And I said, I'm going to take a little walk. Well, they sensed that there was something wrong. Oh, I swear to God, it looked like a duck in the little ducklings. They followed me around the place where I was going to walk. Make sure I didn't self-destruct or something. As we got back to the house, I said I'm doing it again, but y'all please stay here. Sounded like an idiot leading the parade out through there. But, you know, I had to do something. And that was on a Friday. And the next day was Saturday and my boss lived about 80 miles away. I called him up and I said, are you going to be home in the morning? He said, yeah. I said would it be all right if I come to see you? And he said, yes. Well, if I was still on the street, I'd use a different term. And I'll just say I was extremely hot. Stop at that. Extremely hot. And because, I mean, I'm a guy who treasures his career. But there was no way that I would accept that. Now suppose I had gone into that with that absolute mountain of anger that I had. Suppose I'd have walked in. So I'm going to this guy's house to challenge him on something on a Saturday when he's not even at work. But I had to go. He let her blow a fuse, one or the other. And so I went. And he tried to tap dance for a long time and he finally got tired of dancing and took a breath. And I said, let me tell you why I'm here. And so he knew why I was there, but I hadと tell him anyway. and I said I tell you this you're not going to fire my guy unless you fire two of us because I'm not he doesn't go I'd go if he goes and oh boy I didn't know what he'd do but he just kind of blanched a little you know and he kind of got a little ashen looking and I won't say what he said either but he basically said Tom, I think I screwed up I said well maybe you did and so he withdrew that but see what I'd done before I got there was to get spiritually fit to engage in that so that I didn't resort to just street level junk about how to resolve a problem but I went in there with principles intact I went into there also with the full knowledge that I may be for sale but not at that price not atthat price And so what I was able to do was to take a very difficult situation and by using these tools be able to deal with it in a calm and reasonable kind of way. Now, I won't say that I wasn't a little forceful, but I was a reasonable thinking person instead of somebody just going into a temper tantrum like I would have been if I'd have done it the next day. Now, that's just one example. But when you talk about the spiritual life, it's not a matter of just getting gooey, soft, warm and fuzzy. It's about being equipped to take our places in life. And what we get restored to is life. We don't get to transcend life, we get restored to life. Sometimes it is absolutely wonderful, sometimes it pure sucks. And most of the time, it's just life. It just sort of goes along at a kind of shade of gray. You know, we just sort of go through life working and eating and taking up business. And so we don't transcend stuff. But what we do is become equipped to deal with stuff in a very effective way. My experience has been that with all of those kinds of situations that I've had to deal with. I've never lost one in terms of, you know, not having a good outcome. Because when I do my praying to get set up for that, what I do is I pray for God to help me do what's right. Not win, not lose, but to do what' s right. And if I'm trying to do what's right, I can't lose. Because if somebody has got a better idea, I need to be open enough to listen to it. But I've never failed to have a favorable outcome in anything I've done. And so when we say that spiritual life is not a theory, that's exactly what it means. And so I guess you could call that targeted use of the power. But it's realizing that I don't get into a state of bliss and everything just goes my way all the time. I'm going run into stuff. But the power I have is sufficient if I will pray with the principles in mind so that I can take care of stuff. And so that applies in anything that I do. What it does is makes me a pretty doggone worthy adversary because I don't have any hidden agenda. So when I go in, when I am in fit spiritual condition, I've got nothing under the table. I'm laying it right out in the open. And when I'm like that, i can handle myself pretty well and and so we got a partner a lot of folks don't may not know about him but i got a boss that stays with me all the time and he'll keep me from doing stupid stuff and so sometimes i guess my point is that this doesn't make me a goody two-shoes doormat and what it does is gives me the spiritual tools to go out and engage in life and take my place responsibly and effectively in this world. And so I like that stuff about the spiritual life is not a theory, and where the book says it's okay to have your head in the clouds, but keep those big feet on the ground, because that's where we live, that's why we work, that's when we do our thing. And, and, and so in looking at how this spiritual life gets in and influences and affects how I do, uh, it, it absolutely enhances everything that I do, bar none. Bar none. The other thing I wanted to just kind of merge in a little with that is the thing I was talking about, and a couple of us chatted about it later on, it's to say that and I've met very few alcoholics who go through recovery that don't go through a period when they're kind of searching for balance. And balance it's an interesting kind of thing. The translation for balance is how do I back off from something is what that usually means. And so balance is a nice way of saying it. Now, balance is appropriate. It's appropriate. You know, a well-ordered day ought to be made up of about four equal parts of what? Sleep. We don't do that here. I was listening to the sounds of recovery. I lived right over there. And I think I was missing the sounds and recovery when that raucous, whatever y'all were playing out there. It requires a lot of vocal activity, whatever you were playing. So I was listening to the sounds of recovery about 1 o'clock this morning, and my God, poor daylight, you're out here again, you know. So anyway, but it got me off on that. I just wanted to say it, I guess. but putting this thing to work in our lives sometimes we do feel a lot of uneasiness and discomfort about how it fits into our lives and what price do we pay sometimes and I kind of build it around this idea that I've said it myself for a number of years sometimes you'll hear people say AA's got to be the most important thing in your life. Don't believe that for one second. Don't Believe That. AA does not have to be the most import thing in my life. My recovery has to be the most imporant thing in m y life. AA is a means to that end. But when you say AA is the most important thing in your li e it's characterizing this thing in a way different than the spiritual life undergirding what you do. It flies in the face of that. We say that just in innocent ignorance a lot of times. But if you think that through, you know, you think about what the reaction would be. I'll give you an example of it. That my son, when he finally became self-supporting, God knows, took a long time. And I told him he didn't owe me a thing, that the only thing he had to do was the first time he transplanted anything. I don't care if it's a fingernail. I wanted a 500SL convertible. Other than that, other than that feel no obligation. I don' t know, I'm not going to get my 10 yet. but he was at our house one night and he'd feed his oats a little bit because he had a little dough in his pocket. He said, Dad, I'd like to take you guys to dinner. And I said, well, that's nice. And I don't know if he saw a flicker or something. I didn't see anything. But it was my home group night. And so I don' t know if I reacted or something or he just, his mind kicked in. As soon as I said that, he said, oh wait a minute, this is your group night. And I said, yeah, that's right. And he said we'll do it a different time. Well, that was a no-brainer. But now you contrast that and I hope I can make this point clearly that what it underlines is the importance between differentiating commitments and activity. if you say hey he's got to be the most important thing that means you put a holy grail over everything that goes under the banner and if you try to have relationships with people and you wave that banner at them every time they question what you're doing, what you are doing is abusing the privilege and so when you do that you make a value of judgment and it says that this is important and you're not and I'll guarantee you If I tried to do that in my house, I would have one mad Canadian who would be trying to make barbecue out of me. Because there ain't no way she'd buy that, nor would I try to sell it. But see, the difference is that my son, the way he reacted that night, he understands my commitments. Now, I do a lot of stuff. I do allot of stuff I've got three fundamental commitments every week of my life well four right now but one of them will only last for a month but I've Got Three Fundamental Commitments that are not negotiable with anybody unless it is an absolute critical need that I need to respond to and that's my home group my home room meets twice a week and that is not under the heading of nice to do That's something I do. That's a commitment that anchors my life. That's the foundation of my recovery. And so what that does is it gives me my working space, and it anchors me solidly in a program. I never have to contemplate what I'm going to do because on those nights it's automatic. It's just automatic. So that's a Commitment, my home group. My prison Commitments. I made a commitment, and that's as solid a commitment as my whole group is. And the fourth one I've just added is just a temporary thing. We're taking a group of folk through the steps, and that'S going to take 16 sessions. So that will be a commitment for those 16 sessions." Now, those are commitments. They're not up for grabs. So people who know me, I make sure they understand that, then they can trust me. They can trustme. because that tells you who I am. I've had people come to town and ask, you know, Tom, I... And every stranger on the street will say, is this Monday? They'll say, oh, he's over at the First Baptist Church. But people know that. And they can trust me for doing what I say. In the real world, they call that integrity, that you do what you say you're going to do. Here we call that a solid commitment. You know, there's steadying in my life. and it makes my family able to say, like my son did, oh yeah, this is group night. See, that was not a value judgment. That was not saying hanging out with the guys is more important than hanging out with you. It's very important if people understand what you're committed to, then they can trust you. But if it's always up for grabs and just running down somewhere just because someone wants to chat with you a little bit, that's not under the same heading. You know, that's an activity that's negotiable and can be moved around. That's fundamental to that business of me, of finding balance so that I differentiate my solid commitments from the things I do. My calendar, if I have stuff on my calendar, that becomes a commitment for a specific day. Like Rock Creek, thanks to Warren, Rock Creek's been on my calender for about eight years, I think. A long time. and when rock creaks down there that's not up for grabs that's a commitment when I write it down now my folks my folks have access to my calendar it's not hidden and so my family is invited to make commitments if they want to and what does that mean in real life if I'll give you an example I was I was on the phone with somebody that was getting ready to book something and I don't think my wife was eavesdropping she was just listening but she was standing at the door and she saw that car and she said what are you booking? I showed her she said my God that's where we got our son's birthday planned and my language changed I said nope, nope, sorry I can't do that I've got a commitment see I was talking about balancing principles You know, that's a principle of a family matter that was very important. And so we committed that. And so it was not competing with anything. That becomes a commitment. And in that way, you know, there's peace and trust and tranquility rather than constant kind of pushing each other and all that kind of stuff. So big difference in that. You know? And the activities that I do, those are just things that I add on. Some people say they can't plant that far ahead. My kids always told me when they're getting ready to graduate from college, we don't know when graduation will be. Well, that's not true. Somebody at OU can tell you right now when the graduation will begin in 09. They can tell your dad. Because my God, they don't do that at the last minute. They plant it like Rock Creek, you know. So, and I thought, you find out what it is, put it on the calendar. But otherwise, you're going to be getting that sheepskin by yourself. And so, yeah, it was just a real world. But when it's built on some solid foundation like that, it's hassle-free. It's hassle free. And, you know, folks, know what you're doing. I was blessed. I think I must have kissed the Barney Stone or something. And I was best blessed in a lot of ways in my life. But I've noticed that blessings usually follow performance. And in my career, like most Fridays of my life, I'm gone. Most Fridays, I've gone somewhere. And my organization, I mean, I just want to be on the stock. But my organization did not have Friday meetings in respect for my schedule. Now, if they wanted to do Friday meetings, they did it without me. And then we had no conflict. In 39 years, we've never had conflict about that. And so it's the trustworthiness when people understand what you're doing, then it will have huge, huge influence. So, when he's... God, y'all's clocks run fast out here. I think I've said the essence of what I want to say. Because when you look at how to get these principles in place and you start looking for things like balance, if you put in to work diligently in your life, practice good principles in how you manage your time. Practice good principles in how you keep commitments to the family. And so when that happens, what I find, and I absolutely find it, is that AA does not compete with anything in my life. Nor has it ever had any negative impact on anything in our lives. Rather, given this, just like I said last night, that giving my life to this simple program has absolutely blessed everything there. And so when you're looking for that balance, look a little deeper than just sort of how you write stuff down. Look a little cheaper than just how you do all this stuff, you know. It really comes down if you want to be of maximum service. If you really mean that. And that's not just some nice little thing to say in a meeting. If you wirklich mean that, what it means is we give ourselves to this sinful program And God is not going to get me into anything that's going to destroy one area of my life to enhance another. I believe that, and I hope that may be a little bit of use in what we're talking about here this morning. Thanks, guys. Thank you.