Trading Self-Will for a Willingness to Be Changed – Francine W.

About This Speaker Tape

Atlanta, Georgia, fifty years ago. A little girl in the South who couldn't stomach living in her own skin, praying to a Higher Power she didn't believe in just to be taken somewhere else. Francine W. describes a childhood of gnawing pain, escaping into the "magic" of books and the cinematic poise of Bette Davis. She learned to smoke and hold a glass by watching movies, mimicking women who took no garbage from anyone, while she felt like a wimp with a hole in her gut.

The books stopped working at fourteen, leading to a decadent, torturous love affair with chemicals that lasted until twenty-six. She recalls the "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization" of her drinking—scrubbing her skin in the shower until it ripped, trying to wash away dirt that soap and water couldn't touch. After a car accident in Las Vegas left her leg shattered, a moment of clarity finally took hold. She entered the rooms with a thick wall of anger, taking up three seats—one for her bottom, one for her leg, ...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Francine W. opens with gratitude for the committee and the camaraderie of the fellowship.
• 4:15 Reflecting on childhood in Atlanta and the deep pain of not fitting in.
• 7:30 Laughter: The story of mimicking movie stars and learning to smoke via Bette Davis.
• 12:45 The 'lion's den': describing the cycle of chemicals from age 14 to 26.
• 17:20 The 'surface dirt' metaphor: scrubbing her skin in the shower to remove internal shame.
• 22:10 The Las Vegas car accident and the subsequent moment of clarity.
• 26:40 The 'inventory section': Francine's early days of hating everyone in the rooms.
• 31:15 Sponsorship: Louise's lessons on 'esteemable acts' and the Big Book chapter 'Into Action'.
• 36:50 The struggle to get a GED and the fear of being 'stupid' or uneducated.
• 42:10 The path to becoming an attorney and the irony of failing the bar exam alongside John Kennedy Jr.
• 48:30 Reconciling with her mother and the trip to Hawaii.
• 54:10 Closing thoughts on the gift of choice and a reading from 'As Bill Sees It'.