Tom P. at the Blackstone early 1960s

About This Speaker Tape

Blackstone early 1960s -

Sanity is the only non-marginal gift of the program everything else—wealth health and even serenity—is a byproduct that can vanish. Tom P. describes a life spent as a 'sincere liar,' using alcohol as a psychic anesthetic to numb a world he found unbearable. His descent is marked by two trips to the 'bug house' and the brutal application of metrazole shock treatment. Even after a period of storybook recovery his arrogance led him to believe he could drink without the 'Higher Power business,' triggering a dark four-year spiral into Nembutal and other sedatives. He returns not out of piety but out of naked desperation eventually realizing that the program's power isn't in slogans but in the raw uncompromising truth. He frames recovery as a slow miracle of returning sanity a lifetime job of stripping away the pseudo-intellectual defenses that keep a person from the living power of a Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Discussion on the 'marginal' byproducts of sobriety versus the core gift of sanity.
• 4:15 The 'two miracles' of sanity: the quick miracle of sobriety and the slow miracle of returning sanity.
• 7:30 Childhood psychic pain and the use of alcohol as an anesthetic for the human race.
• 12:10 The 'sincere liar' and the process of deceiving oneself to protect the drink.
• 16:40 First trip to the 'bug house' and the realization that the liar is paralyzed during a crisis.
• 21:15 The 'real insanity' of walking into a saloon after 12 weeks of sobriety.
• 24:30 Second trip to the psychiatric ward and the experience of metrazole shock treatment.
• 28:10 Initial resistance to the 'Higher Power bit' and the arrogance of pseudo-intellectuality.
• 33:45 The relapse after believing he could drink without the spiritual components of the program.
• 37:20 The descent into drug addiction, Nembutal, and the cycle of sedatives and stimulants.
• 41:10 Returning to meetings out of naked desperation while hating the speakers.
• 43:50 Final surrender to the truth and the role of a Higher Power in recovery.