Third Step Decision and Fourth Step Inventory – Sponsorship Workshop – 2024 – Part 11 of 16 – Ali H.

for kuna all right thank you kuna hi everybody my name is ali i'm a grateful alcoholic as always thank you so much for being here i appreciate all of you um i'm little off today i'm a little off most days but it's surprising because i got actually relatively good sleep last night relatively speaking i'm gonna off but it'll it's all good uh thank god for prayer and a humble heart and the complete realization that me along with everyone else here, it's just a spoke in the wheel and a grain of sand in this beach adjacent to the ocean of God. Thank God I'm just a drop in the ocean and I know it. When I realize that I'm just a dropped in the ocean, all of a sudden I get the experience that I am an ocean of drop. like god is everything inside every man woman and child and all i have to do just like everyone else when you uh pass on to uh to your response jesus is to bear myself honestly allow god to speak and thank god we have that sacred text that allows me to follow the message and not try copy any messenger right um a couple of things before we get going is uh so i know if there's few uh friends that have missed some sessions or joined in a little bit late and they're looking to have someone catch them up just what a beautiful opportunity that is because the best way for something that i learned some new experience to become really ingrained in the cells of my being is to pass it on to someone else you know what a great opportunity for those who take that on so please if someone has missed me asking for help please don't just send them notes that's not going to do much for them set up a time for them take them in zoom on the phone actually do what we did together today it will benefit both of you so i think sally and from ontario she was asking earlier so please if you don't mind get connected on that whatsapp group and help each other out in that way um our amazing uh secretary workshop secretary everly has been sending out emails uh i hope you're receiving them so the emails are basically they cover they give you what each session covers like a table of contents that you can put in the back here big book because at the beginning we did jump around a lot so if you have not received any of those emails check your junk mail and if it's still not there please contact everly now she's on here she's one of the co-hosts you can send her a private message with your email and she'll add you on that on the on the email list can i have somebody that is moved to from their heart the words don't really matter god doesn't make too hard terms to uh pray a sin with a set aside prayer heather is that what you wanted to yeah all right yes please go ahead and set aside okay god please set aside everything i think i know about you me the program and the matter spiritual so that i may have an open mind and an open heart for a new experience oh man thank you all right okay so so efficiently effectively and powerfully taking the steps as outlined in a big book of alcoholic synonyms um so far if you've received the sessions the the table of contents and direction each session we're at session six right now i believe right so in six sessions we're going to put pen to hopefully by the end this session we're gonna be ready to put pen to paper right as opposed to where for a period of my recovery when i went from the beginning of the big book to the to page 164 and i would lose a lot of sponsors it would literally take to get to writing an interview it would take three four five months because it's just so much to cover so what we've done so far in the first six sessions is surgically move through the step one pages which is about 51 pages we boiled it down to about 13 or 14 pages. And the step two pages, which is 14 pages in a big book, we cut it down to about four or five pages, right? Surgically move through the first couple of steps as efficiently as possible so we can stay true to the text, okay? Now I think I mentioned this before on the Q&As. Every week my intention is that we have time for the QA during a lot of time, but unfortunately that doesn't happen. So a lot OF the friends here, they stay afterwards for about an hour we do a Q&A and it has been brought up like the question that you know what if what if you you know somebody that's been in and out for years and people try to take them through the big book and the steps all kinds of different ways and then it's what it seems like to you is like a is is like a window of the grace of God and and a gift of desperation has been been given to this person and they just come back for a day or two right and your heart says your heart now your head. Your heart says, I don't think he can last long enough for me to do anything longer than a couple of weeks. I got to get him awakened somehow, right? So my answer to you would be you are armed. Like for example, here's myself. I am armed with facts about myself. I've been through the big book many times. I know what the steps entail. There have been times where people like that, when my heart says on and get this person to write inventory ASAP so they can get free of bondage yourself a little bit get free right tap into some power i've done a step one two three conversation in one hour but being very in the big book one hour right i get them to write inventory right and i help them out i stay with them while they write they do a fifth with me so one day we're doing like a one to seven together i've been doing that for a long time as well but once they start making their amends i bring them back to the big bull for a more powerful experience deeper experience so i hope that i don't know if anyone else has had that question i hope that answers your question so this as efficient as we can get yes stay very close to the sacred text because there seemed to be a magic that happens from this in written in spirit sacred book bill wilson and the first 100 did not with their human power write this book it was inspired a book that was written 30 something years ago right so 80 80 close to in the 30s 80 something years old right that somehow has had such profound effect on our community that the ripple effects of it have caused millions of people to stay sober see spiritual truth spiritual truths stand the test of time spiritual truth traveled thousands of years and they're still true today just as much they were a thousand years ago and that's this big book of alcoholics and artists and that is why I get so excited when I am talking about this book when I'm around a bunch of seekers you know so just a quick that was a little intro now last week what we did was we went through the step three pages um if we just go to page 60 we've covered this if we go to pay 60 so abc being convinced we were now step three which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to god as we understood him just what do we mean by that and just what do he do so it's a good question to ask what do you what you talking about what do we do right and then they go ahead and say we've already done all this right the first requirement is that we be convinced any life on our self-right can hardly be a success so there is a requirement to do the third step i don't just kneel on my knees because someone says you're ready let's do the first step there is i'm not saying you can't you can but the power of it is different there's a requirement there's must before i even approach the first step and then the next two pages last week we went together where we turn statements of the questions as a spiritual mirror to look at me how does how do i how does my life look like when i try to run the show how does mismanagement of look of of life look like the way i do it right and then i come back and i see oh man looks like from in black and white from the evidence of my own life not because you told me because I see it clearly that any life run on alley softball can't be a success it hasn't it hasn'T you know and now we're on page 62 if you go on this whole page 62 the bottom of it go back to page 16 that paragraph it says being convinced now we were at step three which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to god as we understood him just what do we mean by that just what did we do we wrote a note to the right of do it said answer is in last pair page 62 the answer to what do i mean what do you mean by them what do they do is in the last paragraph of page 62 but before i get to the answer i had to go through two pages of convincing testimony from my own life that my life run on my cell phone can't be a success so if you go now page 62 here's the answer turn our world to and and life to god as we understood them just what do we know and that just what do we do here's yes but let's build it says this is the how and why of it last week we circled how and last week recircled why okay first of all if you grab the yellow highlighter important. We had to quit playing God. It didn't work. That's in yellow, please. We have to quit saying God it didn't want. And last week we circled quit playing God and we circling it didn t work from the how this is the how we circles how right if you put a little somehow put a line and a little arrow to quit paying God and from the why put a little line in the arrow to it didn't work so this is the how and why of it how do i hand over my life to uh to god as i understood him how do I take the third step look it says first of all I quit playing god why not because I'm a bad person no no forget about right and wrong and judgment and moral character forget about all that very simple reason it didn t work it didn't work so how do i quit playing god in my life very general in a general way ready very simple like an umbrella of how ali quit plays god in his life right when i disagree with what is happening that's it that's when i'm playing god why is she talking to me like that why is my boss not treating me right i deserve more money i'm afraid what's going to happen to my finances anytime i disagree with reality of what is happening i'm playing god very simple the details that it could look different right so quit playing god i man i haven't it's been i'm in sales 100 right 100 still the last four months has been slow i'm barely i'm serious i'm like telling the truth i'm barely making ends meet barely making as me when i get into the fear position oh my god what's gonna happen i'm playing god i quit playing god you don't have a good track record on running your life god does it doesn't work okay now i gotta stay in this program with you guys right a bunch of things to do to stay present to that fact obviously right this just can't be knowledge here he's got to connect my head's gotta connect to my heart quick playing god it didn't work okay ready this is such an important paragraph by the way we're going to unpack this paragraph a little bit next we decided that hereafter in this drama of life excuse me if you grab the yellow highlighter now important from god from god god was going to be our director he's the principal we are his agents he's the father and we are His children okay just right there okay let's go through this uh this paragraph by the way is called the third step decision i didn't know until someone told me this third third step prayer follows it's an affirmation of the third stop decision i take the third step after i agree to the third staff decision this paragraph is called the third step decision. We'll take notes on it, okay? So it says, this is how and why. First of all, we had to quit playing God. Why? Because it didn't work. Not because I'm a bad person. All right. Okay. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our director, principal, father. If you grab the pen, please. We've highlighted this. Please circle the word director. Circle the word principal, which is to the right of director in the same sentence. the sentence below circle the word father please let's talk about these relationships the sacred book has now presented me with three um relationships three ways that i can look at this relationship with this divine power with the god of my some people say misunderstanding right with a guy that I don't understand, right? Director, principal, father, okay? So it didn't work. I got to quit playing God. How do I quit playing him? Will I stop? I let him be the director. And many people know these analogies, right, just quickly. So the director is the boss on a movie set. That's the director, okay. I am to be the actor. However, we read earlier last week that my problem is that I am the actor who wants to be the director, ends up being the producer of confusion in everybody's life. So as a director, I have one job. I memorize lines. I try to bring forth and create a spirit of a believable character. That's it. But what I want to do is I want to give you guys your lines and not write them down for you, but not mail them you i want to tell you what to do i want the director what to do i'm going to tell everybody what to do if only the world would be behave will behave everyone will be we're doing great including me the director right so they're asking ke ali what are you ready to make this decision that from now on not a perfect decision like in your heart in your mind are you ready to stop being a director in your life in other people's lives just be the actor let god be the director let him give you things to do let him direct you to go here go there talk to this person don't take this job don't go to that interview don't lend this newcomer thirty dollars okay buy this one lunch that's okay with this and let godbe the director are you ready to do that okay he is the principal We are his agents, okay? Another relationship with God that I got to end. I got look at God as a director and me as the actor. God is the principal, me as The Agent, okay, so if somebody is in real estate, right, they have a real estate agent, right? And I want to sell my house. I get a real state agent, but I am the principal. As the principal I get to empower my agent to act on my behalf. you get to negotiate deals you get a bring it back to me you get to you know I get to you get them act on my behalf so God is the principle he will give me things to do and he will empower me to do things for him the things that have happened in my life I'm speaking with my about myself because I'm talking about everybody can say the same thing in their own way right the things that happen in my mind I don't have the power to do i just drink and destroy people's lives i don't have and i commit suicide i attempt suicide i don' t have the power to do those things you know i have been empowered i get empowered this thing right here is my least favorite thing to do i'm nervous i i never want to do workshops i've never done work i don''t have thepower to do i've been empowered so god is the principal i'm the agent i'm going to act on his behalf here's another thing on that one a little tidbit on that by the way just a quick thing on my head so any any extra notes that anybody maybe moved to take i would suggest take it on a separate notebook don't don't make this big book any more busier than it is okay because we're going to pass this on to a newcomer right you want to make sure as simple as it is for them and then any extra notes you guys can take it i just you know don't make this any mess so um um see and i wouldn't take put these notes here for a newcomer because it's not an intellectual thing it's a conversation i have with them let it wash over them the spirit will pick up what the spirit needs to pick up the real growth comes in the action process of the inventory writing and the men's making their prayer meditation i tend to pass it on to someone else that's where the growth comes right not from the talking to each other the talking just inspires some action hopefully um so principal agent so here's another thing if let's say let's say i'm an agent okay let's see i'm a i don't know sportsman but everyone knows michael jordan right let's he retired apparently so michael Jordan was to be used to be a very famous basketball player right let'S say I'm his agent he was the principal he empowers me to sign contract get endorsement deals on his behalf right now imagine He's empowering me to do his work right now. Imagine everybody knows I'm the agent of Michael Jordan and I'm going around town hitting on people's wives, punching people out, stealing things, swearing at in a meeting, yelling at the top of my lung because I'm pissed off because they want to spend $5 extra on cookies. You know when I say this, I'm talking about me too, right? You guys know that, right ? I'm not talking about anybody. I'm thinking of us as a collective, right.? I love when all that says I'm just another bozo on the bus. Just another bobo. So if I'm supposed to represent the principle, if I continue to do this, what's going to happen with my relationship with Michael Jordan as a principal and agent at some point in time man it's going get severed I'm not going to be empowered anymore so as an agent I got to try my best to represent this power I get empowered to do his work I got to represent and I'm talking about profession none of us are no one remember we said none of can maintain anything like perfect but then I gotta try I gotta track it so so far we talked about director actor principal agent here's the father okay we are his agents he's the Father and we're his children there's a there's reason I'm spending a bit of time on this usually we go four times I'm going to ask you to set aside please any in in the spirit of the set-aside prayer in spirit of being filled with something new in the spirit of uh being better messengers i'm going to ask you to set aside any prejudice you may have against any religious undertone of the word father i'm not a christian father he's the father or if you had a problem with your own father he's a father we are his children okay this is so powerful for me like threefold okay so so if i'm gonna look at this entity which i don't understand i don' have right i want experience if i'm going to look at god this higher power as the father and i'm his child right so here's the first thing my son darius and my son maxillus it still trips me out i have two of them okay who who is my son more to be like me or my friend don in pembroke who's my son want to be like like me he's he's my makeup he's my dna right so if so if i'm his child metaphorically speaking i'm not god but i'm a makeover god i'm not the ocean but i've been waving the ocean that's why the big book says deep down in every man woman and child is a fundamental idea it's me i'm made up of this power man literally scientists i don't want to go in here it doesn't matter but scientists have proven scientists physicists have proven that every single cell in my body like all the atoms the carbon and hydrogen oxygen and nitrogen are atoms they are from stars that were that have died billions of years ago they're the same atoms nothing new has been created right so i'm a part of this power first of all i want to start to open can i try it on that if he's the father and i'm in his makeup second thing if my son darius were to ask me can i think about your own kids now those that have kids think about their own kids by the way before i had a child i had no idea it was only intellectual and then when i had was like oh my god so if if if one of my sons asked me okay daddy i really need this like he needed it he just needed it whatever it was do you know i would bite the concrete to get him what he wanted do you not want to do that do you think i would dig ditches 24 hours a day 10 days a week do you normally do that do you know of one of my sons somehow it came very apparent that for him to get what he wants i have to jump off the bridgehead first do you Know there would be no question do you know that now if it was for my wife i'd have to think about it but for my son they're playing a lot of makeup this you know what i mean so if god's a father and i'm his child just like i would do for my child no matter what he needed whatever to the ends of earth same thing so i gotta pray and ask i ask him what i need i stay close to him i develop a relationship with him okay that's a second layer for me right first layer i'm not part of his makeup i am him right i am not him but i'm part of him second layer he's the father whatever i need he's there just like i am for my son and right the third layer is notice he said notice the big book says We. We are his children. We. That means I am no closer to this power than my friend Michelle in Vancouver. No closer than Tuesday. No closer. We. That means that I don't have a private line to God that you don't. that means there is no there's to be no middle person between me and god that means god has no grandkids we are his children so if we are His children that means when I am separated from you I'm separated from Him that means all of you are my spiritual brothers and sisters and I truly believe that that means what Espansi calls that's God calling that means that when a new person calls or whoever calls Ali, I need something that's God called. We are his children. That is huge. That third step decision is not to be taken lightly. That is a huge, you know? So now we're his children after children. Okay, perfect. So to the left of this paragraph, I would like you to please put the bracket from the beginning of the paragraph where it says this is the how and why of it all the way to the line where it says he's the father, we're his children. So just put a bracket to the left of it. That means let's put a racket around that, okay? The left of the paragraph. And then from that bracket, please put an arrow on the line to the bottom margin. We're going to ask a question now. Okay, so the question is this, the bottom margin question and you're going answer it if you're ready. Am I ready to make this third step decision? Question mark. Am i ready to take this or make this or take this make this decision take this i'm not ready to make this third step to this is next am i ready to am i to make what's the decision i'm going to try moving from not do it perfectly i'm just going to try okay i'm gonna try to not play god so much in in in life right by allowing him to be the him to be the director i'll be the actor him to be the principal i'll be the agent him to be the father and i'll be the child i'm gonna try am i ready to make this third step decision question mark put a big yes if you are okay now let's grab the pink and let's move forward all right excuse me so so don't uh don't highlight anything yet we're back in the big book most good ideas are simple and please grab the pink highlighter which for us signifies prayers and promises this concept in pink this concept was a keystone of a new and triumphant art through which we pass the freedom we are going to pass the freedom our friend my friends like for those for those friends like myself who are committed to actually taking these steps on this workshop as they go along that means this promise as much as you experience they're already on a deeper level available a deeper freedom okay continuum pink promise when we sincerely took such a position sincerely like honesty what position quit playing god principal uh director father right that position since he took to took such a position continuing pink all sorts of remarkable things followed look at that we had a new employer being all powerful he provided what we needed please end your pink at the word needed that's the last word to highlight and think needed okay promises promises moving forward from now on now grab the pen in the second page 63 second line from the top the last the right very right of the sentence for me it's the last word the employer would you please circle employer as well that's another relationship with God that's Another Way I'm supposed to they're asking me to consider look at this power he's a director he's the principal he's the father here's the employer is anybody having financial troubles right now like me your boss is not the employer he's the employer we're going to look at it that way he's the employer what do you think Ali God's going to run out of abundance is that what's going to happen he's the employer okay let's see what it says and see I'm talking like this is how I've been living i have such conviction in this way of life because the results are there okay now if you grab the yellow now okay we want to make it stand out from the pink now it's important okay there's a condition there's no condition now if we kept close to him and performed his work well that's same yellow. If we kept close to him and performed his work well, that's in yellow. Okay, I hope everybody is following. If he got close to her and performed her work well. Perfect. If you grab a pen from the yellow where it says his work, well, okay, put a little arrow to the right margin, write 12 steps. In case we're confused, what is his work? I don't know what to do well it's it's in the 12 steps more specifically it's the 12th step actually his work is the 12 step is the twelfth step but for now for the new person that we're taking through 12 steps what do you mean this work don't worry it is more as revealed 12 steps and the steps that we do just keep going okay 12 steps so i'm gonna read from the from the top when we sincerely took such a position also so all promises remarkable things followed we we had a new employer being all powerful he provided what we needed if we kept closed and performed his work well grab the pink again the rest of this paragraph it's all promises okay all in pink all promises as as you're hearing this please allow the words to wash over your spirit and be present to the fact that what the spirit is talking about is from now forward on a deeper level okay established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves our little plans and designs more and more we became interested in what we could contribute to life as we felt new power flowing as we enjoyed peace of mind as we discovered we could face life successfully as we became conscious of his presence we began to lose our fear of today tomorrow or hereafter we will reborn all promises these are some powerful promises if i continue the rest of the steps reborn i can't count the number of times in recovery in the middle of the circle and triangle it has become so dark that I think I'm dying, that I think this darkness is the darkness of the tomb and what this power shows me and you show me is that it's the darkness of the womb, you're being reborn every single time my faith is the way it is because of the darkness, and when I say that I don't mean, I'm always wary, I don' want anyone to think that so I don'T mean the way it is better than anyone else here, I mean what it was like before for me because i've been reborn i continue to become reborn because of this process why else would close to 300 people give up their time on a saturday for what Reborn. Okay, if you grab the yellow highlighter check it out now. We were now at step three. I like that yellow. Hey did you see how much we have to go through just to get to step three? Right? Do you see, how much more powerful it would be for those friends that haven't experienced that that is right how much more powerful if we go through what the big book says the requirements and the unpacking and the humbling of the spirit and the revelations before i sit down for the third step prayer then to just oh you're an a.a you're you walked in a.s so you must be an alcoholic can you come up with a power okay okay don't worry about the god thing so much let's do the third step right nothing wrong with that i'm just i know i'm making please forgive me i'm being silly right but because i used to do it but do you see how much more powerful this all this stuff just to get to the third staff and it makes sense because it's not like literally it's such a you know how they say sometimes don't make any big decisions in your first year this is the biggest biggest decision anyone could ever make and i'm thinking in the first few weeks to hand over my life and everything that I know, that I believe in, that I've been doing to something I cannot see, feel? What are you talking about? We were now at step three. That's in yellow. We're now at steps. Okay. So we're going to go through this. Third step prayer. Then what we're gonna do is I really enjoy Frank's voice. my friend frank i just really enjoy it so i'm gonna make a decision for the group frank's gonna come when i when i ask him frank please is going to come up on the on the mic everyone else going to be muted frank is going do the third step prayer and we're all going to say it as well about mutis so it doesn't matter you know that doesn't doesn't do much for everybody right what i am doing i'm not telling you to do this as frank is doing the third-step prayer i'm getting on my knees here and i'm doing the third step prayer okay when frank finishes the third step prayer i'm gonna get back on my seat i'm going to sit here in quiet for a few seconds and i can encourage everyone else to do so and then we'll start again okay ready okay frank you were just well and told my friend thank you and and sometimes we just take direction you're the best right thank you okay ready so there's that prayer okay so many of us they're not highlighting anything because just please many of us will unpack this a little bit i do that with the newcomer a little but maybe maybe with not so much animation i don't know what happens in a group sometimes it comes there but many of them said to our maker as we understood okay grab the pink highlighter it's a prayer now pink highlighter god i offer myself to thee we're going to come back to this god i offered myself to be to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that i may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those i would help of thy power thy love thy way of life may do thy world always highlight only the prayer in pink please okay before we unpack the prayer and then take the prayer if you would please after you highlight the prayer in pink please turn the book turn the book counterclockwise 90 degrees so that right margin is not facing you the right margin is facing you please the span of that paragraph or use the span of that paragraph you may have to do like two or three lines okay and the right margin right long ways only the span of that third step paragraph at the very top please start third step prayer write that third step prayer this is all for the new person right because i want to make sure they're equipped and more ready to take someone through the to the steps when god sees him right third step okay and then in brackets don't go past the span of that prayer please because we're gonna have to write something later on okay in brackets you're gonna write you want to spotlight me please thank you you guys see this see the span of the prayer okay don't worry about this here okay third step prayer and then in brackets i have an affirmation of the third step decision so it's that prayer and affirmation of the first step decision first thank thank you for highlighting me third step prayer and affirmation of the third step decision i make the third stop decision the third-step prayer that i pray every single morning sometimes at night sometimes throughout the day i am affirming this decision i'm going to quit playing god i'm gonna be the actor i'm Gonna be the agent i'm Going to be the child going to be the employee right third step print okay ready let's talk about the first step prayer by the way later on it will say it says this three times i think in this big book the words don't even matter i suggest all the men that i help to please remember try to memorize this memorize this down the road if you want to change the words but memorize this discipline is a horse that i ride on in order for me to build the practice i have to have some discipline and some direction and then later on the spirit moves me to do whatever i need to do okay so however i sometimes change the word thee and thou for you and yours okay just it makes some more palatable for someone who's new okay but doesn't matter god offered myself to you did he to you to build with me and to do with me as as you will okay so mr newcomer what does that mean to you okay can i tell you what it means to me what it needs to me is this god higher power i give everything about me to you you build with me and you do with me whatever you want on the ground that means this where i work who i work for whether i live in a house I live now or on a park bench or in a shelter, whether I work at the soup kitchen, whether I'm sober or not, whether i sponsor 10 men or one, none of my business. I give it to you. I give to you because I just saw in three pages of my life that when I try to do it, I fail. I'm tired of me. I'll give it you. Whatever happens in my life, it's yours. you build with me you do with me whatever you want relieve me of the bondage of self that i may better do your will notice what it says relieve me of the bandage yourself every time i hear bondage yourself like i think in pictures i just get an image of you know the egyptian mummies of thousands of years ago like the gods around them like bondage they can't break it's like relieve me off this bondage itself so i i can breathe right bondage of self 99.9999999% me what i think about life my reaction to life bondage itself why so i can jump for joy become a be happy in my marriage all the time make millions of dollars and and and get us to speak everywhere and have a bunch of spot No, so I can better do your will That's all I want to do I just want to be your will That's it I don't want to become the agent Take away my difficulties That victory over them May bear witness To those that would help Of your power Of your love Of your way of life So take away my difficult Whatever I perceive My difficulties to be Most of them within myself anyways It only seems like they're outside but they're really not take away their difficulties so as i am victorious over them god i'm going to be helping your kids hey i made a promise to you i'm gonna make my life about helping your kids alcoholics and non-alcoholics practice principles in my affairs means non-alkalines so as I'm helping your kids as I am helping other people they are going to see your light shine through the cracks they are gonna learn about what you do in my life and your power and your love and your way of life I am gonna become a witness I am going to become a testimony of you of what you did isn't that beautiful isn't it what we all have been in our own ways testimonies of this power may I do your will always that's a powerful prayer that's not a prayer to be taken lightly or pushed or coerced somebody has to want to do this prayer the desire has to come from within there are so many outs in this book so many else you gotta be tired of you to take this on man and and also excited i'm present a little bit to the potential of what could possibly be so how does someone like me get excited to the present the potential because someone like jane like don like michelle like so many others here were the light for me oh you mean that's possible and then look what he says right after no more highlighting we thought well before taking this that makes you sure we were ready just make sure you're ready make sure you want to do this i'm going to push you on this right that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him right sometimes i would get new people that would they would get stuck what do you mean abandon utterly to him just break it down very simple it's all good brother i'll tell you what that means okay if you're ready and willing to take the step with me this is what it means get ready together so if you would please from if you circle um if you cycle abandon ourselves utterly to him please circle that with pen okay perfect and then if you would from that circle put a line to the right margin so we have a little space on the right margins we should have if not put it in your left margin find the space there right so circle back and ourselves already through him and you're going to write small like two three lines maybe short lines please write this this means comma this means do the rest of the steps like my life depends on it do the rest of the steps like my life depends on this means do the rest of the steps like my life depends. This means do the rest as well, right? Don't even worry about it. All that means, can you try this on? Work the rest of these steps, the rest is processed like you like to pass on it. Can you abandon yourself to that? No, I can't. God bless you. Shake your hand. We can't work together anymore at this point in time, but let's keep going the meetings many outs in this okay so now i hope that was i hope that was okay um okay so by the way just just side notes i'm just sharing side notes with you 90 99 of time and we're talking about this we're taking the third step prayer once in a while once in awhile if the person is hemming and hawing and i give them that through the rest steps and they're still hemming and hanging at this stage once in a while what i do say is that well look it says here we thought well before taking the stop take a couple of days take a couple days sit with you and if you want to continue come if not that's okay i'm your brother on the path forever man in this life you need me i'm here just not in this capacity all right okay perfect so now frank if you don't mind brother would you come on the mic i'm going to get on my knees third step prayer then we're going to sit back on our seats and just sit quiet for a few short seconds and then we'll start again god i offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that i may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those i would help of thy power thy love and thy way of life may i do thy will always Thank you, Frank. everybody for taking this beautiful step together with us. All right, whether you are present to it or not, my experience has been, it has begun. it's begun it's going to be exciting it's gonna be revealing and it's gonna be deep and I'm not so arrogant to say what I know it's gotta look like for anybody but from my experience it has begun now I've taken the third step prayer and sometimes it's felt like this it felt like you know playing chess it felt like something just took this chessboard and just flipped it up and it landed pieces everywhere. My life looked like that. Man, but my faith got strong. Man, did I become conscious of his presence in my life. And for those friends that, for whatever reason, are not ready. That's okay, too. You don't have to. God doesn't make too hard terms. You can continue to stay on this path with us and take the notes for the newcomer that you're going to pass it on to. No worries. All good. But for those that are ready, it has begun. All right. By the way, I'm making that statement in the most humble way. so i swear to god it's just like in the most humble and and grateful way you know all right okay let's go back we found a very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person such as our wife best friend or spiritual advisor so sometimes we do that we just did that together right look at the yeah but it's better to meet god alone than with one who might misunderstand the wording was of course quite optional see just optional right but i do memorize this prayer so long as we express the idea of voicing it without reservation highlighting yellow now this was only a beginning is this the beginning all this stuff all the considerations see myself am i an alcoholic or not and the setting side prejudice of a higher power coming up with my own conception be willing to believe that maybe there is one and taking the thursday prayer just the beginning who's starting it has begun. Though if honestly and humbly made an effect, sometimes a very great one was felt at once. So whether our friends here, whether you guys felt a great effect from this group prayer surrender whether you felt a very little effect or whether you felt nothing that's okay let's keep reading and see what it says because none of that is an obstacle to a powerful spiritual experience in that beautiful okay so if you grab in a yellow highlighter important please next we launched out on a course of vigorous action the first step of which was a personal house cleaning just that's in yellow please if you grab the pen please circle the word launched we launched circle vigorous action circle launch circle vigourous action okay so we launch what does that mean like a rocket launches what does it mean that means The way, the pace that the Spirit is directing me through this big book is not here's an inventory, see you in two years. I launch, right? But I also don't want to be so rigid either, right. It's a spirit of an urgency. It's the spirit of that. I launch vigorous action. The first step is a house cleaning, okay. Please turn the page. Which many of us have never attempted. That's not in yellow. Though our decision, circle the word decision, please put a line up to the top margin, please write third step. In case you get confused, the decision is a third step decision and my third step prayer. The decision we talked about so much, right? Father, director, employer, all that kind of stuff, right. Though our position, the third step position was a vital and crucial, circle door vital, please circle door crucial, please vital. I needed to live like my pulse crucial extremely important decision that is okay though that's a vital and crucial step if you grab the yellow highlighter now important it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to be unwritten the things in ourselves which had been blocking us important even if I felt like I was lifted in the air and I thought the grace of a loving power come through me when I take that first step prayer together with the sponsor on the knees on the ground or whatever however we do it even if that happens it's not gonna last you got work to do Ali followed by a strenuous effort to to face and be rid of the things which had been blocking us from blocking us from the word us there's a period please put a line to the either right margin or from from us put a line and arrow to the top margin maybe top margins better blocking us please write from power from power the things blocking me from powers inside of me i gotta face and be rid of them from power okay highlighting yellow continue highlighting yellow important our liquor was but a symptom we had to get down to causes and conditions all that is in yellow all that's important to just stand up our liquor is but a simple i saw it i gotta get to the cause and conditions so now we said the beginning of highlight was it could have this decision of the third step prayer and decision could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of things in ourselves which had been blocking us so from the word strenuously right like from the yellow highlight right that paragraph put little line and arrow to the left margin from that paragraph where you highlighted yellow, little arrow to left margin, and begin writing only the span of this paragraph long ways. So turn the book so the left-margin is facing you. Please begin writing from the only the span of that paragraph for the top of the page is okay but don't go to the left of that please. Please write this is why I write inventory. This is why i write inventory there's no other reason for it. I mean there are other read there are other benefits maybe but this is why i write inventory on this path because i've been blocked from power this is how i get connected to power this way right inventory this is where i write the inventory on the left margin i don't write inventory to find out more about myself if that was the case i would only need to write inventory one time or go to a good good psychiatrist and therapist and after a few years i will learn a lot about myself read a lot of self-help books i'm not knocking them they're good they serve a purpose but that's not why i write inventory i write an inventory why strenuous effort to be and rid of the things in ourselves in myself in ali which has been blocking me from power because liquor is only a symptom i got to get to the cause and conditions i want to have relationship with that which has been giving me grace all this time because there's a universal difference in experience when i live under grace then when i have a relationship with that which has been given me grace and i got to write inventory there's no other way in this program please forgive me i'm sure there's other ways out there in this programme i don't know another way i don't know another way okay page 64 we're going to continue the next paragraph therefore we started upon grab the yellow highlighter now only now a personal inventory this was step four a business continuing yellow a business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke that's all in yellow okay in yellow a personal inventory this was stepped for a business which takes no regular mentor usually goes broke and please circle step four in that second line circle step for please okay notice what it says a business which takes the regular mentor user goes broke okay so a few years ago my sister and i sort of went into business together that was a whole ordeal the order that i have a growth from that but that's another story it's there's no longer the business still going well no longer the owners that business we sold nuts organic nuts organic dried fruits and stuff like that so we learned about taking inventory like in because this here business which they stole right so we had to originally when we opened up the store we had take stock of what we need get one big inventory and then on a daily basis i had to go to the containers because the pistachios and everything were different containers right different nuts each container see what's low what's perhaps gone bad change it or replace it let's make an inventory on a weekly basis i have to take an inventory what we need to order for the next week every six months i had to take in inventory what's in the back storage what we need what's going i had taken inventory if we didn't take a regular inventory we would have gone broke by the same way i got to take regular inventories this is my experience i'm sharing with with you what the big books is how I read it okay so which means this if I wrote one written inventory when I came in many years ago and that's all I did in terms of an inventory I'm not saying people are going to drink they're not going to live great lives and that that's just pretend that just no I'm doing that right what I'm saying is that there's a level of freedom and joy and beauty and grace available that I cannot access if I'm not taking regular inventories. And I'm not talking about everyday writing inventories, we'll talk about all that later, right? But let's just, so a business that doesn't take inventories because later on in step 10 they introduced me to a spot check inventory, right, but I never let go of a written inventory when I needed many inventories throughout, many ones throughout the year, I never let goes of that, right? So a business that doesn'T take a regular inventory usually goes broke, So from that yellow highlight, if you put it from regular inventory, put an arrow in line to the left margin. And please write using the span of this paragraph and the paragraph below it. You can write this, please. This will be the first of a lifetime of Step 4s. Mr. Newcomer, don't worry about getting it perfect. You're not going to. It's okay. No one does. This will Be a First of a Lifetime of Steps 4s because a business that doesn't think regular mentor usually goes broke and what does it look like with us when we when we go broke sober suicide sober destruction of marriages and eventually drink sober feeling like a fraud in the rooms of alcoholics and on it's afraid to ask man Okay, let's go back to the let's go back to the paragraph now all right okay. Taking a commercial it's beautiful hey Bill Wilson first is so beautiful here he takes a like something like he parallels a commercial inventory which almost like the spirit invoked in him he knew like he was inspired to know that if he talks about a commercial inventory. I'm not going to be so emotionally invested. I'll be more open to what he's talking about, and then he brings it to a personal inventory, right? He goes, taking the commercial inventory is a fact-finding. Please circle fact- finding, and a fact facing process. Please circle fact facing processed. Fact finding circle, fact facing processor. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade one object is to disclose damaged or unsellable goods to get rid of them promptly and without regret if the owner of the business to be successful he cannot prove himself about the values so when we had the store it by chance for whatever reason we made a mistake and uh and and some almonds had gone bad let's say and a customer came and said to me ali these almonds have gone bad what i'm not gonna do is emotionally be so invested in those almonds and argue with the customer about it what are you talking about i'm not going to do that i'm going to go broke my apologies i didn't realize that won't happen again sorry about that order some new almonds throw this one out get a new one but i don't do that so much do i when it comes to things that are broken inside of me that i reveal do i i fight to the death about my ideas what i think things should be don't i see how beautiful this book is inspired bill's like here's a commercial one you won't have emotional attachment to it but you ready you agree with this yeah yeah i do it makes sense yeah the business will go broke yeah okay now come on in we did exactly the same thing with our lives we took stock honestly circled the word honestly see that word again honestly first we searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure being convinced that itself we were already convinced that manifested in various ways we already convinced of that in the third step pages that we did together right was what had defeated us we considered as common manifestations highlighting yellow now please resentment is the number one offender it destroys more alcoholics than anything else from its stem all forms of spiritual disease for we have been not only mentally and physically ill we have Been Spiritually Sick all the way to there all yellow he finally hits us with the real answer right there finally hits me I think this is the first time maybe i'm wrong for the big book technicians can correct me later on uh i think this is the first time he actually says spiritually sick we've been spiritually sick okay all that is yellow super important right please circle the first line in yellow that we did please circle the following one circle resentment is the number one offender circle that please circle that please it's so important we want to make you stand out even more than the highlight itself okay number one offender from it stem all forms of spiritual illnesses this means this is the mother of spiritual illness it just from it grow all kinds of spiritual illnesses from resentment i heard someone long long ago in a meeting say i i don't sort of agree with that i think maybe loneliness is the number one defender for me as an alcoholic this person i had a better time and at first i you know this and i thought about it i prayed about him like you know what he's right it is loneliness is bad but that loneliness why is it cost that loneliness is not a it's not a um like i don't have anyone to be with i i wasn't could be in a marriage and feel lonely i could be a bunch of with a bunch of friends at a party and feel like lonely that's a spiritual loneliness where does it come from from the fact that i see myself separate from others why because of resentment something inside of me that feels separate from you resentment is a number one offender from its demo forms of spiritual illness okay please circle now spiritually sick please circle spiritually So it's like the last thing we highlighted in that yellow. Number one offender, number one offinder. God is in every man, woman and child is a fundamental idea of the God. Anytime I'm separate from his children, I will be separate from him. And that doesn't mean I got to walk on water and just feel the love for everybody. That's not what we're talking about, man. I want a path of progress, but I got TO be aware of some truth. If you grab the pink, please. Pink is promise, okay? it's a promise now when the spiritual malady is overcome we strain out mentally and physically it's not the other way around my entire life i try to do it the other way around today stay right now as i promise you because i will put pen to paper this week for me exact same truth when the spirituality is overcome i will straighten out mentally and physicality not the only way around not that's in pink okay no more highlighting in dealing with resentments we set them on paper we listed circle people circle institutions circle principles okay from that line whereas you circle people institutions principles from that line from people let's say put a line to the left margin and just write call one short form for column one that's it right there people institutions principle that's our column one that's a common one okay we'll talk about that okay so for um like everybody i'm preaching to choir everybody knows that for the new person i would explain a little bit more right so people that you're what's a resentment resentment just for our working definition doesn't have to be such a correct webster's exact definition what it means is that when i when i think about a person institution of principle or when i see them or when I think there are my thoughts there's a negative feeling that's inside of me it's re-feeling of a negative feeling that's inside of me that's it very simple now i want to share with with you friends here that spiritual pride went on a few years in and sponsoring a bunch of people and perhaps speaking here and there spiritual spiritual pride will tell me that side of resentment you don't have a resentment let's just yeah come on just irritate it forget it okay so resentment could be arranged from rage to every time this person comes in my head i feel irritated okay so for our purposes of the of the seekers that are at step 12 and perhaps you've obviously done inventories before if you're willing to take this step on this level with us together to actually write inventories so we're looking at the pebbles in the shoe not the boulders anymore god's removed some bouldERS at me from me i'm looking at the pebbles in the shoe that i think that's not a resentment spiritual pride with and tell me oh you're too spiritually fit to have that resentment no that's a resentment you think about him every time irritated that's the reason because those pebbles in this shoe left unchecked after a thousand after after 20 miles man boy i'm like i'm going to fall down and my leg is going to hurt sometimes the most powerful sometimes the most powerful experiences i've had from writing a set of inventories and reading it taken to a six and seven has been from three names on the list that i thought they're nothing but that's just for us for the newcomer for the new car you know it could be arranged from irritation to rage to rage right institutions are like uh the newcomers you know like schools and uh the the government and the police force and the medical pharma community hospital institutions people are easy and principles usually when people are new it's difficult to come up with principles and that's okay no problem principles i mean you could look it up in the dictionary you guys already know but something maybe to me is like maybe maybe like ideals that people try to live by you know like like a principle is you know um men don't show emotions i don't know if you have a resentment against that men don t cry a man is supposed to provide for his family um but maybe maybe we're in aaa we have a resentment agitation against the principal media makers making maybe that's a i don t know right any principle that we use you know a way of like a principle in life i hope that comes across but you can look it up okay okay we listed people institutions principles with whom we are angry we asked ourselves why we were angry circled the word y put a line to the left column right below call two which is short form for column one Below the right column two, just call two, C-O-L period two, short form, call two. That's it, column two is why. Why we were angry. If I could bring your attention quickly to page 65, look at the example they give us, okay? I am resentful of that Mr. Brown. Look at column two. The cause. So the title of column two could be why or the cause, right? By the way, I made up a sheet long time ago. It's straight by the big book. It's not one of those internet sheets that changes. It's just straight by The Big Book. Just made a sheet, right? So Everly, I'm going to put it up here. If you would, Kristen, please put in the chat so people can copy it and save it. And Everly following this meeting in the next day or so, she's going to email that sheet to everybody. You could either use a brand new eight and a half by 11 notebook to just draw your own columns, or you could print off those sheets, whatever you want to do. Just if it's simpler for people, okay? So now, if you look at page 65, it says we were using a definite as this example. I am resentful of Mr. Brown, okay, the cause or why his attention to my wife, told my wife of my mistress, Brown may get my job at the office. Do you see how succinct, short, to the point specific, right? not a long story i try to really um explain that to the new person right right i don't want to hear like not a life story right because anytime i'm explaining something a lot that's the ego justifying and defending i don'T want that okay very specific as specific as i can as to the point as i care he stole from me he yelled at me he made fun of me he's mean because the other mean in front of people he borrows money he doesn't pay him back he owes me ten thousand dollars well whatever right specifically just like that we're gonna follow the big book what it says as closely as we can okay so that so second column is to the point system okay and let me show you here please no no before i show you let's do the third column because we're going to have an assignment together okay so let's come back to the page 64 okay why we were angry in most cases it was found that our please grab the pen we're going to circle certain words and then we're going to come back and highlight those words in yellow okay please stay with me on this one circle self-esteem circle pocket books on the next line for the right pocketbook please circle ambitions to the right of that please circle personal relationships okay come back grab the yellow highlighter highlight in yellow self-esteem you circled it highlighting yellow pocketbooks you circLED it highlighting yellow ambitions you circLED it highlighting your personal relationships you circLED it okay after you finish highlighting grab your pen we're gonna write very small mini definitions right in the big book so it's all there for us okay so from pocketbook you circled it put a little arrow to the corner bottom corner margin small please write finances finances that's it any material things so if i get into an accident that'll affect my finances guys have to pay for the car or the insurance go up that's pocketbook right finances okay from ambition please put a so you should have lots of room on the bottom margin to the left of ambition right put a little arrow and a little line please write in small what i i'm going to read the whole thing and then read slowly again just so you see how much space to get what i want from the person slash situation Ambition. What I want from the person slash situation. So in the third column, the second column I wrote, he did this, this and this and this. Now in the 3rd column, what's affected? What's affected in me? Seven areas of self are affected. We're looking at some of them. pocket was pocketbook affected well um yeah he uh he caused me to have an accident so my pocketbook was affected right ambition is what i want from the person's last situation okay oh another example my boss yelled at me in front of people what i wanted from the person's life situation i wanted to apologize to me ambition is it doesn't have to be business success it can be what do i want what did i want from that person from that situation that i didn't get and that caused me to be sore self is effective right self-esteem from self-esteem please put a bring sort of a line and an arrow to the bottom margin there we have lots of room because personal relationships we're not going to write anything about it's pretty self-explanatory right no definitions needed for that one. Self-esteem, please write how I see slash feel about myself. How I see slash feel about myself. Okay, perfect. So my boss yelled at me in front of people. I feel like I'm not good enough. I got embarrassed. All right, just a couple of words. Personal relationships. Yeah, in that in that example sure with him it's strained with other employees as well because i feel less than i feel ashamed what do they think about me yeah my personal relationships are negatively for sure these are some working definitions right so and then so if we go on it says personal relationships including sex were highlighting yellow the word hurt and then highlighting yellowed the word threatened so these areas of self are hurt and they're threatened if these areas of self were not hurt or threatened i wouldn't have a resentment the third column is such a powerful way for me to see how self is involved areas of self are hurt or threaten okay so highlight hurt highlight threatened it says so we were sore we were burnt up we were still burnt up on our grudge this we said opposite each name our injuries my injuries are the third the third column right was it our self-esteem notice the word self-esteem is just repeated in that previous paragraph that we highlighted right our security the word security is new it wasn't repeated in the previous one please circle security highlighted in yellow okay from from the word security please put a line to the top margin to the top margin okay we're going to define security in this way and please this is not the only way to define it because the big books just leave some leeway but some people define security differently that's okay this is the way we're gonna do it it's So please write what my ego needs emotionally, comma, what my ego needs, emotionally, to be okay. what my ego needs emotionally to be okay okay so ambition was what I want from the situation what my evil needs emotionally to be ok in the case of a bus yelling at me in front of people respect, acknowledgement that's what my eagle needs notice the word needs like I need it like oxygen i don't get it i'm like i'm not good enough ego needs emotionally to be okay okay so now listen there are certain friends that define security in different way and that's okay no problem just the way the evolution of what is my experience through many many many step studies stuff like that this seems to be a most powerful way and also just something that's not already offered in the first paragraph okay so now so our security our ambition ambition was already talked about personal relationship was already talked about now circle sex relations that's new sex relations circle sex relationships highlight sex relations in yellow please okay perfect which had been interfered with circle and no don't circle please highlight in yellow interfered so no interfered okay so notice these areas of self that we have circled have been either from page 65 we highlighted yellow hurt threatened or even interfered with so it doesn't have to be that someone stole money from me my finances were actually hurt even if they're threatened even if their threat software's like what okay now if you come interfere within yellow if you calm down to the the last example on page 65 we're almost there If we go maybe two or three minutes over, please stay with us. It's very important. I promise not to go any more than two or 3 minutes over. If you come down to page 65, it says my wife and to the right of that, do you see pride there? Do you guys see pride? Yeah. Please circle the word pride and highlight on yellow. That's a seventh area of self that wasn't presented in the previous paragraphs from circle pride, highlight pride in yellow page 65. example it says my wife the last example to the right of that it says pride there you go from the circle put a little line up don't use the right margin and we need the right origin little line up in that space please see put this how i want others to see me my pride is how i want others to see me. Someone who should be respected, a great employee, a good father, a guru and alcoholic synonymous. How I want others to see you. Silly, isn't it? And I buy into that crap. How I Want Others to See You. Okay, perfect. So we did the third column now. Okay. So now the last two things we're going to do, we're gonna write a note. And I'm going to show you an example of the sheet that is going to be emailed to you. Kristen, can you please make sure to put that sheet that I sent in the WhatsApp page, if you can put the link to it in the chat so people can download it, please and thank you. Okay, so now if you could now turn the right column, which should be completely empty, counterclockwise, so the right column is facing you, please, the right colon is facing you. Go to the very top left of the right column. We're to write long ways okay we'll give yourself lots of room top left please write call dot three that means column three we're gonna put everything into one place because it was all over the place to follow through right call dot three dash seven areas of cell colon call dot three dash seven areas of self colon for those friends that have to go please make sure to get it from somebody because the assignment now by the way by next week we're going to do three for the first three columns so for those who want to who want to do this together with us okay so call that dash seven areas of cell colon highlight that highlighting yellow because we want it to make this stand out. Call dot three dash seven areas of self-highlighting yellow. To the right of the comma, we're going to write some words and we're gonna put commas after them. And if you have to go to a second line, go to the second line after. Ready? Self-esteem, comma. So all the things we highlighted, we're not gonna do that. We're gonna do it again. We're not going to put it together, right? Self-esteem, that's one area of self. Self- esteem, comma, to the right. Next, pride, comma Ambition, comma Self-esteem, comma Pride, comma Ambition comma Security, comma Security, security, comma I went to the next line below it Personal relationships, comma sex relations karma and the last is pocketbook and don't worry everything is highlighted so if you miss it you just go back and there's a reason and i'm going to show you the the what what what the template that I made a while ago. I mean, there is a reason I put them together. Self-esteem and pride are like opposite sides of the same coin, okay? Ambition and security go really well together the way we define it. Ambition is what I want. Security is what does my ego need emotionally. Personal relationships and sex relations go together very well. And pocketbook is sort of its own. Okay, so we're good with that. I'm just going to share my screen here. Thank you for staying just a couple more minutes and we'll end it as always. Today, I'm going to be able stay for 40 minutes only i got a work appointment to go to this will be emailed to everybody make sure you're on our email list do you guys see this everyone can see it yeah so look name below what i put person institution principles so we put one name per page okay so the assignment is and abberly's going to remind you in the email the assignment is first thing we do is we make a master list of results on one piece of paper all the resentments that we have. People, institutions, principle. Currently, currently, okay? Resentments that We have. And then we transfer each name to each sheet. So if I resentment against John, Bill and Bob, John gets one sheet. Next sheet, Bill gets one and Bob gets one, okay. One name per sheet. Notice the second column, the cause, comma, why am I resentful? Exactly like the big book. And we put a little bracket at the bottom. be specific short to the point okay just a reminder the third column look it says affects mind which of the seven areas of self has this resentment affected notice i put yes no okay so i just want to talk a little bit about this and we finish so for the new person and the big the way the big book has it i just listed sex relation self-esteem that it has fear on the side right So for the new person, all of the working definitions, they're going to have these working definitions in the big book as they're doing it, right? Or for anybody here. And all I'm asking is self-esteem, yes or no? Probably based on this definition, yes ou no? Yes or no, just simple, just very simple. That's how I only do it with the new people or anyone else, doesn't matter. I'll talk about this too, just briefly. It's not for new people. It'S not for new people okay people that have gone through this work they have a lot of experience writing a lot inventories some of my elders some of them that have passed on what they started to realize is that just the yes or no writing it wasn't quite unpacking spiritually what they needed to unpack so what they decided to do is write a few words on either of them right for example self-esteem feel less than not good enough pride uh like pride is how i want others to see me right someone who's to be respected a good employee that's effective right emotional security it's your ambition ambition i wanted to apologize to me be nicer to me emotional security what did i need emotionally in that case when my boss was yelling at me emotionally i need respect prefer to respect me personal relationships yes negatively lack of trust sex relations probably not in that but let's say sometimes i don't want it to be a stretch either right sometimes it could be it could i have a relationship with my boss that's contentious he's always yelling at and when i go home i'm just never in the mood you know what i mean so it directly affects my with sex relation with my wife maybe i'm just making things up right but i also don't want to make a stretch like that right just if it really fits and pocketbook yeah in this case it does i may not get the promotion i may be fired sure it does right so i write a few words so for the new for anyone who's new as you're passing it on please just only yes or no is sufficient or anybody but if you're really moved to if you really move to put a few words describing based on these definitions you're more than welcome to do so more than welcome to do so okay and again everly kristen's going to put a link to that in the chat for you to save it everly is going to email you this afterwards probably today or tomorrow with the next couple of days with everything that we've covered today um everything that we covered today i think that's it um i'm going to stay for about 45 minutes for any questions again thank you guys so much again always anybody that's that has any questions stay if you need to get caught up please get caught up and for some reason maybe I'm off I feel like I yelled a lot today oh my god