The Online Meeting as a Safe Place for Newcomers – Ralph W.

Okay, my name is Ralph White and I'm an alcoholic. And I am not going to add on, I'm going to follow the format. And do I actually, do I do the reading or just speak on the read? Do I read the page? We can show it on the screen some. It's up to you, Ralph, whatever you would like to do. No, I'll read the package. I just want to know the format, okay. Bottom of 14, my friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said, and how appallingly true for the alcoholic. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he will surely die. then faith will be dead indeed with us it is just like that my wife and i abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems it was fortunate for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half during which i found little work i was not too well at the time it was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment this sometimes nearly drove me back to drink but i soon found that when all other measures fail, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I've gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I will be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going. We commence to make many fast friends and a fellowship has grown up among us of which it is a wonderful thing to feel a part. the joy of living we really have, even under pressure and difficulty. I've seen hundreds of families set their feet in the path that really goes somewhere. I have seen the most impossible domestic situations right, feuds and bitterness of all sorts wiped out. I have seen men come out of asylums and resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. Business and professional men have regained their standing. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us. In one western city and its environs, there are 1,000 of us in our families. We meet frequently so the newcomers may find the fellowship they seek. At these informal gatherings, one may often see from 50 to 200 persons we are growing in numbers and power uh and again uh and there is um there is so much in those two pages that have been formed my recovery up to this point. The thing about when you're doing Zoom, you never know what you're going to get. I got somebody in the background doing figure eights in the street. I can hear him. You guys can't. I'm not going to impose that on you. Okay, focus. This part of the book is Bill's story. I don't know if we have any new people on the platform if we do i want to welcome you and in this part we're talking about department bill's story where he's in towns hospital and he just got through having the white lightning experience he described and he comes out of that experience and he starts talking about here's one of the most interesting things about that experience a lot of people see that as the miracle what happened in there and or or you know as a miraculous event or as but as as most people refer to it as bill referred to it has this spiritual experience but the thing that i also find almost equally um fascinating to me was that he said as soon as he woke up he started thinking maybe I could pass this on to other people maybe I can pass this all now the people something that happened in addition to that white light experience that it transformed his thinking and so then he starts describing to us what what started happening and what's interesting about this reading is not so much to make an interest in for bill but what does it have to do with me and so the first thing we talk about in that reading that i like bill talks about enlarging and perfecting my spiritual life why and how you know he's for if the alcoholic fails to enlarge bigger and perfect better his spiritual life how through self-sacrifice and work with through working with others and self- sacrifice that's the recipe and in these next couple of pages, it's going to be a running theme. It's going to be a running theme, and that running theme is foundational for us. You know, we, I suffer from many onus than only a spiritual experience to conquer, but the thing about this spiritual experience, this thing about really about grace, because that's, I sit here, you know, under the umbrella of God's grace, not just because, not because of reading the book, not because of the 12th, not because of any of that stuff. A book isn't what did it for me. These steps are not what did it for a book and the steps put me in touch with a power that did it and make no mistake about it. This deal is about power, this thing that we talk about and the power to live and the power to lift one day at a time and the power to To live in a world sometimes this scary and this challenging and that presents I used to think that presents challenges but presents opportunities presents opportunities. And so the first thing Bill said, you know, is, you know, if I failed to enlarge and perfect bigger and better my spiritual life through self-sacrifice, I'm working with others. So I came to you guys October 11th, 1986, and I was at the end of a real bad run. Most of us don't come here when the party is still on. So that's not new. Most of us come here pretty badly mangled. Most of us come here with not a whole lot going on. I came here 33 years old, broken young man, no key to anybody's house, no driver's license, no identification, all the outside stuff gone. But I also had a couple of inside things going on, the scariest of which was I had lost the will to care and I stopped and that stopped bothering me. That stopped being a piece of business for me. The fact that I couldn't that I guess this thing had me and when I stopped caring about it, that scared me. When did I stop caring about the fact that i couldn't see my little girl? When did I stop caring about the fact that I wasn't welcome at my mama's house on Thanksgiving? When did i stop caring About the fact That i no longer went to work Now all those things have been going on for a while But in the quietness Sometimes And when i didn't have anything in my system I'd cry about it I'd be in the remorse about it I'd even go into self pity About it But when did that stop when did they stop having christmas and when did i stop caring scared me to death when i had that what for me was really conceding to my innermost self and so came into you guys and got a new way of living now i came in under the lash of the negative second step I had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as I had been living it. But that propulsion right there, that desperation, that won't take me. That's enough. That's Enough, I believe, when desperation meets opportunity, a small window of grace opens up, and I jump through the window, October 11th, 1986. But that kind of grace, that grace that's driven by desperation, and that grace is driven by fear, I think there's an expiration date on that kind of grace. And so that's that initial spiritual experience. Many of us call that, that's our moment of clarity. Wow, I'm done. My goose is cooked and I'm just going to be like that. And many of us come out of that how dark it is before and many of find it. But if I don't enlarge and perfect on that, if I'm bigger and better, that kind deal, If I don't do something more, I won't be able to survive what Bill describes as the certain trials in those spots. They're not iffy because guess what, you guys? I don'T care what I do in Alcoholics Anonymous. I DON'T care, you know, how well I do the steps and how well i write inventory or how many people I sponsor, how well, how many times I'm asked to come out and talk. I DONT care about any of that. I'M NOT GOING TO RISE ABOVE HUMANS. And so what's going to happen when I get back into the land of the living is I'm going to have what the land that I'm living in. I'm only experiencing some problems, some challenges, some things that are going to stretch me, some themes that are gonna prove discouraging maybe at the beginning, but if the alcoholic fails, then large and perfected spiritual life through self-sacrifice and working with others won't be able to survive a certain trials and loss process. And, and the reason that's certain is as long as I'm leaving, there's going be situations and there's going to be challenges. And I've had my share and I like the fact that there is a recipe and a design. And before I talk about some of the trials in those spots, I'm going to talk about some other prescriptions. I guess you guys, when he wrote the book, okay, this is 1934 lying in the hospital and Bill is writing retrospectively about what happened in the hospital. And 1934, lying in the hospital and this experience happens and I get sober. And I imagine when I think about it, I probably am thinking, when I get sober, everything's going to be cool. When I get sobre, you know, everything is going to be okay. When I gets sober, you know, I'm not going to have all of this stuff because when you're in it, you know? When you come to the program, if we have anybody new on the platform, you'll hear a lot of times people will say, you know, my drinking is 5% of the problem and my thinking is 95%. You won't find that anywhere in the book, those kinds of formulas. But you will find in the books we're talking about, let's get down to causes and conditions. You will find the book that says, but our drinking was but a symptom. So we'll see stuff like that, and that'll be keys. But when I'm drinking, it's 100% of my problem. When I'm drinkin', it's a hundred percent of my problem. Now, we can start these other ratios when I'm not, but it's 100%. So when I get free of it, I start thinking I'm in the clear. You know, the coast is clear. I start thinking. But as all of us know that are sitting in here, when I get free off it, now I'm left with IRS bill of $80,000 that's been sitting there growing as my drinking has been growing. when I do that now I look at the debris of oh you mean I'm divorced oh okay uh when I get free up and now you mean oh I got a big year and a half or two year gap on my resume and I gotta try to go find the job when I give free of it somebody might be thinking oops what about all these failures to appear that I have to go to court on so there's a whole lot of when we get to a man that talks about there's a long road of reconstruction ahead. So there's a lot of stuff in my path, you know, anybody that's new. We're not trying to scare you. You know, we're not just preparing, you know, just reporting. And here's the good news, just sharing with you that that insurmountable mountain is in front of you. It's not an insurmontable mountain that's in front of your because everybody sitting here, all of us face something of that sort. All of us faced it, you know and can talk to you and can tell you and in meetings you hear us laughing about it all the time i came with no drive and then when so when you knew you start getting the first you go through the acquisitive phase and everything is acquisition because when you come from nothing now not everybody's story like it's like mine you know some people's their external bottom looks very different still in the house still had the car still had the job my story is one of nothing had to so everything was acquisition when i started again um i remember when i first got driver's license registration and insurance all at the same time the trifecta and i'll call it denounce and a car you know wow you big got a key to a hot wow big, you know, got a job. Wow. Big reporting. And then the other stuff starts coming. And so if I fail to enlarge it, so what happens when this other stuff start coming, Ralph? What about the fact that, okay, I hear you and you talking, okay. And things started happening for you and we were welcomed back at your, you got divorced. So you weren't welcome back at your house immediately, but you got to stay at your mom's house. Things started happening. I don't have it like that. I don' t have that situation. People aren' t welcoming me back. Bill talked about that kind of situation. Somebody on the call needs to mute themselves. Thank you. So what about that situation? I don''t have it. And Bill discusses, he says, he was often plagued by depression and waves of self-pity he found that his business associates remained skeptical for over a year. I often work with people and sponsees who are back. Maybe your loved ones take you back, maybe the family takes you back. And they remain skeptical for more than a year and you get pissed off and you come to meetings and you say to us, why is it when they get up to go to work, they tell me I got to leave the house. Why is it that they don't give me a key to the house yet? Why is it that every room I go to, they tell me I got to clap wherever I go so they know where I am in the house? A lot of times they remain skeptical for over a year. What do I do in those kinds of situations plagued by waves of self-pity and you know, and Bill said he and his wife, here's the key word, you guys enthusiastically threw themselves into helping others. So what's the running theme that we're starting to see, you know, won't be able to survive the certain trials and low spots. What's the recipe? Self-sacrifice and working with others. You know, what's the recipe when I get depressed, when I gets down on myself, when the job isn't coming through, when nobody wants to give me a job yet, when can't find an apartment, when don't, when I'm living maybe in a shelter, or I'm livin' in a sober living room, or livin in the halfway and I'm living beyond, you know, beneath my means. And it just seems like this mountain is just so big. What do I do? I'm in this depression. My life, I thought when I got sober, everything were magically mystic, just be all right overnight. What Do I Do? And so now here's another part of that recipe. Me and my wife enthusiastically drew ourselves into working with others you know he said this something and uh many times he's gone to his old hospital to find somebody that he could sit down and talk with i would be amazingly lifted and set on my feet it's a design for living that works in rough going so And what you guys have given me is more than just tips on how to not drink alcohol. You've given me more than a primer or a seminar on tips and methods to stop drinking. You've given me more than ways to recognize my triggers. What you've given Me is a way of living. What you're giving Me is the way of living. And in that next paragraph, Bill talks about a fellowship has grown up among us, of which it's a wonderful thing to be a part. He talks about the joy of living we have really found even in rough going. You don't understand maybe what the joy of living is unless you come from the despair of dying, unless you come from walking the dead man walk, unless you come from those dark places we come from. That's why we laugh about stuff. That's why even in the face of this deal. So let's talk about what this stuff is that I've read. You know, the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all our affairs. You know, it was imperative to work with others as he'll work with me. Thanks for my worth is there. So came to you in 1986. Broke, beat down. Hopeless. Hopless. and you took me in and you demonstrated like he talks about in here demonstrated the necessity of working with others they used to talk a lot about you got to give it a way to keep it nowadays you hear more people talk about we got to get it give it away to get and I don't know you guys I'm kind of moving away From I'm Kind of moving Away from the how to and i don't mean this in a in a um as a knock at anybody or as a as as a prescription for anybody else i just i'm just talking to you guys about me right now just having a conversation did a lot of talking and i do a lot of talking on zoom probably talked out on zoom but now i'm way less interested you guys in the how to and i'm more interested in the why too why spiritual experience why try god why alcoholics anonymous you know i have a lot of friends and a lot of people that, and I can, I don't mind. I like workshops and I like talking about how we do this stuff, but more for me, I like to talk about why. I'd like to talk about when I came to you guys, what I was like. I liked to encourage somebody that's new. why try our way of doing things why come on our side of the street why stop doing it the way you've been doing it why give us a shot what does it look like uh this spiritual experience we talk about what does het look like having a spiritual life what does et look like enlarging and perfecting the spiritual life. Why do I need a better spiritual life anyway? And why would I want to try it? What makes me think I can pull it off? Well, I'm going to share with you why I think you can pull It off because I pull it on and I don't pull it all. I'll have to pull it out. I just show up and I give up on me, you know, and I liked it. I'm 67 years old, you guys, you know. I wouldn't be sitting on a Zoom meeting and I wouldn' have been doing this 34 years if I hadn't got results, you know. I wouldn't be sitting up here like this. I wouldn'T be able to talk to you guys about the IRS coming after me for $80,000 with the meter on. And one day at a time, I get to talk about, you KNOW, I'M WALKING IN THE SUNLIGHT OF THE SPIRIT. I'M FREE OF THAT. THREE MAJOR VALUES IN RECOVERY. Last one was a deep one, you know, talking about subverting the certain trials and low spots. And you don't know when you're putting in the effort. You don't Know when you put in the work. You don' t know. See, I hear people say, you guys have given me tools and I know when to pick up the tools. Well, by the time you know it's time to pick up a tool, it's probably too late to use it. because the tools we talk about working with are power tools. And it ain't no need for you to be picking up a power saw or a power drill and ain't connected to the power. You can have a power draw saw if you want to, it ain'T going to work. So I need to be connected to The Power and I need their pay to build because I might want to stick it in and I can't use it. So I have found that this surviving, this enlarging and perfecting my spiritual life through self-sacrifice and working with others. And guess what, you guys? It ain't hard and it ain't work. That's why I don't often talk about taking people through the work and doing the work. I know what it's meant by, but it ain't hard and it ain' work. I guess maybe for me, it ain''t work because of the way I came to you guys. Because Alcoholics Anonymous has never asked me to put in work eight days without sleep. Alcoholics anonymous has never asked me to putting in work on the corner of 69th and Normandy walking the block at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning every night that's work that's work Alcoholics Anonymous ain't ever asked me to come from nothing and try to make something happen all on my own that's worth that's where Alcoholics Anonymous is always say Ralph if you take one step we'll take two with you Alcoholics anonymous has introduced me to a power that does the work i'm just labor i ain't management i don't have to do no thinking i don'T DO THE DECISION I DON'T DO NONE OF THAT MAN YOU KNOW SO SELF-SACRIFICE AND WORK WITH OTHERS YOU KNOW so even though we describe it as that that working with others is the biggest pleasure of my life let me tell you guys something if you don't know it already um one of the most powerful tools at our disposal and it comes in two ways this this business is sponsorship And I don't mean sponsorship in the sense that some people are managing people's lives and telling people, well, I've never been sponsored that way and I don'T sponsor that way. I've NEVER been under the dictates of a dictator. I'VE NEVER BEEN. But I'm going to tell you something. My sponsorship is such an important deal for me and my sponsoring is so important for me. And I DON'T KNOW AND I DONT HAVE ANY OPINIONS ON WHAT IT IS THAT YOU SAY QUALIFIES A PERSON AS A SPONSOR. There are many people who say, haven't had a spiritual awakening that qualifies you to sponsor. There are Many people who Say, having gone through all 12 steps Qualifies you To take somebody else I don't disagree with any of that But my experience shows me That when somebody asks That's when I better be ready I started sponsoring before I went through all12steps So now And I don' t say that's how it should be I say when somebody Asks, get ready That's like a lady that sits up or a guy that says, man, I'm not ready to be a mom. But you're pregnant. Get ready. Yeah, OK. It don't matter. You got to get ready. Your ass is pregnant. Then, you know, that's like the guy that comes up and say, oh, she's pregnant. Sponsor, I don't know what to tell you. But get ready, you know, and so that sometimes that's the same thing that happens in sponsorship, because when somebody sees something in somebody, you know, and I believe God is in the equation all the time. So, you Know, and i'm going all over the place, you guys right now, but i'm gonna get to a point, You know, um, and that point so so my first when it talks about certain trials and low spots the first time, uh, when I was seven years sober, the closest i've ever come to drinking in my entire sobriety. And check this out. I didn't want to drink. I didn't have the obsession. I never thought that I would come close to drinking without being thirsty. I never thought I'd come close to drinking without the obsession because you guys, I've never, I'm not one who can share with you. You don't have to take a drink even if you want to because I don't know about, I don' t have that experience. Anytime I've ever had an obsession, I've drank. And in my 34 years, God has taken the taste out of my mouth and I've not had the obsession to drink. So it's nothing I've done. He's done what it is he does. But at seven years sober, I was working at a big law firm and we had a client, a major client, and we went to trial on this trial. It took place in Palm Springs, which is two hours from Los Angeles. And so we had to move into a hotel for the duration of the trial, set up a war room and everything. And on the first day of trial, we won the trial on a motion that the other side shouldn't, it's unimportant, but we won The Trial. And our client was the Walt Disney Company, a big company. And we were staying in this big hotel in Palm Springs. And so, we retired to the hotel after the first-day trial was over. and we were standing in the hotel room now the general counsel for the Walt Disney Company was there this guy Mr. Nowak a lawyer from Walt Disney was there their paralegal was there two partners from my firm an associate from my farm and me the paralegal at my firm the low man on the totem pole and with seven people in a hotel room and Disney's general counsel pulls out a bottle of Dom Perignon. And we stand in there and he passes out the wine glasses. And he says, let's toast to victory. I've never tasted Dom Perignone. Didn't want to taste it that day. Didn'T want to. But check this out, you guys. This is why we talk about let's get down the causes and conditions when we write about inventory. I never knew what that meant. I thought if I ever wanted to drink, it would be because I was thirsty. No, no, no. In my case, causes and conditions. I didn't want to drink, but check this out. While I'm standing there in the circle, these are the thoughts running through my mind. I don't wantto embarrass myself. I don'twant to look stupid. What are they going to think about me if I don' take a drink? I don want to make my firm look bad. What is my firm going tothink about me? All you have to do is take a sip. They're going to know something's wrong with you. This idea, because one of my biggest character defect, you guys, is what I think you think about me. And it is overwhelming. It is so overwhelming at almost, but I was seven years old and I had done enough in large, bigger and better spiritual life through self-sacrifice and working with others. Had done enough work on HNI, had done Enough Sponsoring, had Done Enough of Being Sponsored, Had Done Enough of Inventory, Had done Enough of Enlarging and Perfecting Spiritual Life Through Self-Sacrifices and working with, had done enough of that kind of stuff. You know, and this didn't seem like it was a low spot. It was a challenging spot. And I'm standing there and here's the other thing I want to bring to you guys. This is why I don't make light of anything. And I know it's some thumpers on here right now. And I Know When You First Engage in the Process, there are some phases we go through. One of the phases is when I first get into the big book, I'm like Christopher Columbus. I think when I discovered, I'm the first person to discover. So now I show up at meetings and I'm quoting And I'm looking at old timers That's been around for 30 years And I tell them they ain't doing it right And the book don't say that Now they've been there keeping the light on for me And I am sitting up in here Looking at them like He needs to sit down He is killing people He has been here 30 years One of the reasons I am here But now all of a sudden he is killing You know you are in that thumping phase And then you start killing the slogans right what's this 90 meetings in 90 days you know what is this i don't get loaded you know no matter what i do get loaded no matter where you go through all of that stuff well check this out you guys i've been around long enough to know the value in everything i don'T diminish anything because in its own context everything has value there's no junk inside of god's world and if you know anything about our process if you know anything About Our Fellowship if you Know Anything about our society, everything in it is spiritually ordained. Everything in it is divinely inspired. There is no junk inside here. It's only my judgments of it. And because something doesn't matter to me, I think it shouldn't matter to you. Are you serious with me? And so I had got on this thing one time when people say, I don't drink no matter what. That's not my program of recovery, but as a result of having a program of recovery, it's my anthem. It's my theme. I'm talking about stuff that is true in my life. I'm standing in that room and I told you all that other stuff that was going through my head. Here's the thing that was Going Through My Head like a banner, like a neon sign. I don't drink no matter what. We're standing in the circle. All that other stuff is going through my head what are they going but the one thing that was crowd how does that happen you got to be a member in good stand you gotto go to lots of meetings man you gotta make fun of a lot of stuff that you think you don't make that don't makes sense to you until it makes sense I have been so that this I didn't know was in my DNA I didn' t know you guys have rewired me i didn't know it was neon so i don't drink no matter what i wasn't thinking about you know inventory the brighton college i don'T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT GUYS i DON'T KNOW WHAT GAVE ME ENOUGH TO STEP OUT OF THAT SO IF YOU HAD ASKED ME BEFORE I WAS ENCOUNTERING THAT SITUATION I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THIS IS WHAT I WOULD DO IF THAT CAME UP KNOWING ME I PROBABLY would pretend to sip then keep my mouth closed that's what I probably would have said or I probably because I didn't know how transformed I was I didn'T KNOW WHAT THIS ENLARGED AND IMPERFECTED I DIDN'T KNOW WITH THIS WORK WITH OTHER ALCOHOLICS I DIDNT KNOW WHAT ENTHUSIASTICALLY THROWING MYSELF INTO THIS WOULD GIVE ME I DID'T KNOW THAT I'D HAVE ENOUGH AND I SAID EXCUSE ME AND I STEPPED OUT OF THE CIRCLE AND I WENT TO THE SINK and I put some water in my glass and I came back to the circle. And it felt like everybody was staring at me. They probably weren't, I don't know. Ain't important anyway. And we cleaned glasses and I sipped my water and they sipped the Dom Perignon. And if you're new on this platform, I'm gonna tell you something. Taking the right action is not always, you're not always comfortable taking right actions. So don't use that as the measuring stick. how you feel about their action that ain't the measuring stick because this ain't a feel better program it's a get better program you know and so i didn't always feel i didn' t feel better when i sipped the water and i i felt really uncomfortable for 30 seconds but i'll take that 30 seconds to a minute of uncomfortability because for the last 27 years i've been extremely comfortable with that decision to go get that water. So in the moment is not where you measure, you guys. Don't measure comfort. That ain't the measuring stick. Sometimes for people like us doing the right thing feels really uncomfortable. Sometimes when they get up in your face and you walk away and you feel like a punk or you feel Like people are looking at you like you're a punk or you Feel like that person thinks that they punked you and got away with it. It really feels uncomfortable if what you're really comfortable with is retaliating all the time. But I'm telling you, the comfort of not having them bracelets on and not sitting in the back of that black and white or not walking the yard for the next 10 years, because there's some people that have taken in the short term what felt comfortable. Oh, you going to come up on me? Yeah. And they're not with us right now. They are guests of the state. So taking the right action sometimes, even though it feels uncomfortable in the moment, that's why in the book it says common sense becomes uncommon sense. You know, it meant destruction of self-centeredness. It's later on in Bill's story when we read that. Simple but not easy. It meant the destruction of self-centeredness and the destruction of self-centeredness, the way that we go about that. And where does that come from? Where is what we're talking about right now? Where is it really quantified in our steps? And when I go to my third step and I say, I offer myself to you to build with me and to do with me as you relieve me of the bondage of self, this is the bondages of self relief stuff. Too much me on me. How do I get out of me? You know, self-sacrifice worker with others. Bam. You know my constant thought of others and how I can meet their need really enthusiastically throwing myself in the help and others. Wow. Being part of a fellowship that grows up about me, of which it's a wonderful thing to be a part. And I'm better with you than I am without you. That last part about being a part of the fellowship and the joy of living. we really know, even in the midst of difficult times. I hate to talk about it sometimes. I feel selfish. I'm feeling selfish, to be honest, when I think about it. When I think about the way my fellowship, and particularly me, has reacted and responded to what's for most of us, almost all of us. I'll go ahead and say it. I'll make a generalization that for all of us probably this is the most challenging experience of our life, this pandemic we're going through right now. And sometimes I feel selfish. I've been doing this deal that you guys this manner of living you guys have given me. I've been doing it so long and I've learned to embrace whatever it is that's going on, that I don't see anything now but the blessings. I was in a morning meditation not too long ago and in that meditation it talked about wherever you see trouble or wherever you see a problem. Practice seeing the presence of the power. Instead of seeing the problem, practice looking for the presence or the power, and so that's been something I've incorporated as a manner of living that Bill talks about, a design for living that really works, And so when you see that in everything, and you see it all the time, then sometimes I feel a little guilty because I haven't had anybody really stricken down by this. And I don't mean to diminish the pain that people suffer. I don' t mean to diminish the fact that I know that there are some families that have had to go through some stuff. But for me, now in all things, all I see is blessings. That's all I say all the time. I got a lot of friends that have had difficulty embracing this platform. They really miss in-person meetings. i do too but i guess when i'm staying in my third step which is whatever's going on is as it should be i don't find it inconsistent to miss going to in-person meetings but still embrace and enjoy zoom meetings they're not two inconsistent positions for me this is what we have And guess what? Not only am I tolerating it like, oh, well, this is what we have. I'm embracing it because now I'm all over. I've been reinvigorated, I think. I've being recharged. I've doing this, like I said, 34 years. In my first couple of years, I was going to three meetings a day. I went 18 months without a job. uh so i can talk about uh the antidote for being plagued by waves of pity self-pity and depression i can testify to that as the antidome throwing yourself enthusiastically i couldn't wait to go to meetings i couldn'T wait to meet people i couldnT wait to be a service i couldn'T wait they used to take meetings to people in hospitals or who couldn'T go to meetings and they pull it on the board at the home group i wouldn'T even know the people But I'm in the car, you know, I'm In the car. You know, that's You know I embrace this new way of Living man with enthusiasm Not not to Oh man I got this I guess I got No enthusiastically threw myself Into that and as a result of As a result Of doing that over and over and Over and over Something's happened and I'm going to share With you for a lot of you guys What you'll find I think them. And I've learned it really in this deal, because I've seen people blossom in this environment. Selfishly, if I only want to see what it is for me, I could be the old dude that came around so many years ago. When I got sober, we used to walk 10 miles through the store and I could beat an old guy, get off my lawn guy. You know what I'm saying? Or I could be this guy. I've heard people on the platform telling new people, I don't see how you guys get, well, how's that encouraging anybody? You know, I applaud you in this environment. I applaud you because you had the opportunity to go to maybe four or five, six meetings a day. And I encourage you to do that. I encourage youto go to meetings every single day. You know it's no excuse. You ain't got to get out your house. You aint got toget in the car. There is no excuse for you, Mr. Newcomer or Miss Newcomers who's sitting on here listening to me right now. And the other reason is no excuses. There's no better show for you going on than getting on a Zoom meeting with us. You get to hear some great stories. You gets to see what your life can look like if you do it our way. You got to see it and you get to see that you're part of a worldwide fellowship. You get to see it, you know, that you just got a brand new family. First name, your name, last name, alcoholic. You'll never have to walk alone another day in your life unless you want to. You'll get to sea it. You get to Sea Remarkable Stories. Now, you notice I didn't say here. I say you get to See Remarkables Stories because this deal ain't about information. It's about transformation and you get to see transform lives, you know? So I, and then here's the other part. If you knew you got something to look forward to a lot of these faces, you get the opportunity to look forward to one day. I get to get a hug one day, I get them in person one day I get the taste of nasty coffee one day I get to, I get to stand in the parking lot. One day I get to blow out a candle, not a virtual candle. But in the meantime, look at what I get. I get to go somewhere every day. Every day. And because for me, one of the hardest things when I was new was what to do in between. I would go to three meetings a day. In L.A., the meetings are an hour and a half, you know, some of them, you know, but almost all my meetings were an hour and a halve. You got to take driving time to get there and the rest of that. But at best, that's about six, eight, six hours a day. And what about the rest, particularly at night? Dangerous time. In this Zoom environment, you can spend a lot of your time with us. You don't have to worry about being away. What about the other hours in between? What about people coming by with something knocking on the door. Stick with us, get that phone, get that computer, just be with us. Be with us we're a safe place, we're safe place you know and as a result of doing the sponsorship thing man and as a result I pour myself into working with others here's something that happened that you don't know is happening. I guarantee you the power of sponsorship it'll put you on a different footing than anybody else you might think it's not so if you're missing that not in not in the sense of uh of of taking people hostage and directing their life no no no in the sense of um talk about enlarging my spiritual life okay i'm enlarged and perfecting my spiritual life. And all I have is me, right? So all I have is my experiences and I'm growing at that pace. But what if I'm talking to Tom? And what if i'm talking Andy? And what if I am talking to Al? And what if I'm listening them tell me over and over? Spies you need to hear what she said. Spies you need to know what they did. Spice you need to do. And what if I am saying to Andy, keep your eyes on you. It's going to be all right. God's got you. And what if I'm saying the time? It's gonna be allright. God has got you and what if i'm saying it to Al. So now four times because i'm doing it with myself three or four times a day i'm in this god is everything he is nothing, three or four times a day. I'm doing that over and over and over again. And I guarantee you as people on here who sponsor, you can't do that without it coming. You cannot do that much God talking without it sinking in. You cannot do not much reassuring without being reassured. Sometimes when you sit with a sponsee and they give you something and you don't have nothing for it, And sometimes I know because I'm a sponsor. And I don't want to hear it. I don' t want to here this Tusha pass. I don''t want to, it''s going to be all right because I know it ain''t. But if I go to Bob B., my sponsor, Bob B. out of St. Paul, Minnesota, he don'''t know no better than Tom. He don''''t know better than Denise. He don '''t have no more power. But just hearing Bob say it'''s going''' be all right. Just hearing him say it, just hearing that man, something happens. And how many of you guys that would have sponsored and you sponsoring and you hear something come out of your mouth that you didn't know you knew? How many times has that happened? And it doesn't happen when you by yourself because when i'm by myself i tell myself scary stories and then i get scared but when i am with you right we don't tell our sponsees scary stories when they tell us scary stories for some reason we bring in the power for some reasons when we buy ourselves when i buy myself around the campfire I tell myself scary stories and I get scared. But for some reason, when my sponsee brings me that same scary story, I'm reminded. And I'm charged with something that's other than me. And when the two of us get together, that kind of alchemy, that's why they say when two or more of us are gathered, God is in the midst. Sometimes you'll think to yourself, Well, am I being hypocritical? People say to themselves all the time, okay, you can give good advice, but you can't. Of course, everybody can. That ain't hypocrisy. That's just true. You can't see your picture when you're in the frame. That's why people hire lawyers, because it ain't personal. That's Why People Hire Agents, because it ain t personal. When something s personal, that's when a person can't see the truth. It's not the reverse. So a third party always sees better. So that's not inconsistent. You can give good advice, but you get, of course, because I'm not in it. I'm Not Personally Invested, you know? And so that, but here's the other part about sponsorship you guys unknowingly you hear me talk about this all the time how i'm built you know rewiring your dna you know if you uh you rewire you you you are responsible for your own spiritual architecture you know you're something gets different that's when we talk about being transformed Something gets different. This business of sponsoring, this business of working with others, this business upon myself and somebody. I don't see that a lot. You know, I always think about the fact that maybe I'm having an impact on them. Well, more than that, they're having an effect. The experience, the experience is the impact, you know, because the experience ist where the grace comes. I don' t produce the grace. I can' t create the grace, you kno' , I can't control the grace I don't predict the grace. I access it and I serve as a conduit. My sponsor always says, I'm the pipe, I'm not the well. I'm Not The Source Of The Power. Power flows through. So that's what it is that we get the opportunity to do, you guys. That's where the grace comes in. That's, that's, and now don't take that to the bank and don't quote me on that. That's Ralph talking. That's what it looks like in my experience That's What it looks Like to me So the joy of living we really know Even under difficult circumstances You know I got four Brothers Four of us are in the program Two of us aren't And they don't need to be The two that are And I get overwhelmed You know I really, I really really do and my fellowship and what I've discovered as a result of coming to you guys I've been a member of a workshop a big book workshop for the last 33 years and I sponsor I'm active I'm sponsored and I actively sponsor and I've been doing that for almost all my, I got my first sponsee when I was 11 months sober and sometimes I want to scoff at a new person that's jumping, you know well wait a minute who do you think you are you know because it's like sponsoring you know if you're new on here and you're worried about that, what am I going to do with a new sponsor you know, it's hard to kill them on trip. They like babies. You know, when you get your first kid, you'd be worried. Am I going to feed them the wrong milk? And then they grow up and you look and I look at my 37-year-old daughter and she's a lawyer and she has given me grandkids. And I look in my 25-year old daughter and I say they came for me. And look at them. And I didn't mess it up. And I ain't, you know what I'm saying? So when you sponsor, get out the God suit. Don't think I'm God. Just, you raise kids. That's harder than sponsoring. Sponsoring is a God thing. You know what makes a good sponsor? A willing sponsor. That's all. so all you guys that's getting carried away with your sponsorship, quit tripping because it's a voluntary deal when you think about it that's an amazing relationship because I sponsor some men and women penitentiary guys, I sponsor men and women, I sponsors hard head like me, nobody tell me, just think about it, somebody volunteer it's the same principle of coming to the program. It's the same principle of doing the third step, seventh step. Somebody voluntarily says I'm trusting you. If I decide and can't nobody tell me nothing, we are the hardheads. Absolutely can't nobody tell us. We are the can't tell me that everything in sponsorship is that somebody has voluntarily decided that they're going to take this walk for me it's this walk shoulder to shoulder you know and it voluntarily decided to trust me with some stuff blows me away so that's the essence of sponsorship man and so don't be scared just don't be trying to direct and have authority over somebody and don't trip up that because what will happen as a result of that relationship it helps me as a sponsee it helps me as an sponse sponsor it keeps me aware of my blind spots and recovery and really really really. It's made me somebody that I didn't know I had it in me. I guess I'm waxing about this because this weekend, I had a remarkable experience. And my spot sees at my workshop and my daughters my brother is here from boston and they don't know how often me and my five brothers and we really close and they did a deal for me and our five brothers and they sent us a car server and we didn't know anything about it and they said a car serve they said be ready friday night with black tie experience you'll be picked up at four o'clock just be ready to go and they sent this car service and me and my five brothers and our significance winning we were in there and we took us to a restaurant that i had never known of and it was closed up except for us and adam he said it was you guys it was a memory and one of my oldest sponsees who put it on, she was there. Hmm. If you knew this business of giving up on yourself and trying this way, I don't say it because someday somebody might give you a party. And I don't say it because someday you might get the girl or the guy or the house or the car. But maybe, just maybe, you'll come off the street and you'll Come in from the cold. Maybe, just maybe you'll start celebrating Christmas again. Maybe just maybe you'll look in the mirror. Maybe, just maybe, you'll stand in the delivery room when your grandkid is coming or when your kid is coming. Maybe you'll sit in the car giving your daughter her first driving lesson. See, I talk about the whys. Used to do a lot of talking about the house. But I like living in the fourth dimension, and I like putting a face on the fourth dimension. I love holding my grandson on Friday, and he's putting his head on my shoulder. I didn't know it was available for a guy like me. And it's available for anybody that's here. My name is Ralph White, and thank you guys. Thank you.