The Third Step Prayer and Surrender – Day in the Steps Workshop – Part 2 of 5 – Brian K.

And I hope you're all having a great day. Thanks. Thanks, Jeff. Thanks, Chef. We're on the clock. All right. All Right. Time to stop fooling around up here. So we left off. We talked about the requirements. We realized that we did not deserve to have the job. And then we made a decision that we are now fired from the job and we have a new employment contract in terms of which we have discussed. And then the third part is this prayer, the third step prayer that sort of, it's an ask. It's an entry into this new decision that kind of opens the door, I guess I would say, into it and we can go, we can do it, we can say it together and then maybe talk about it a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, is my mic on? I don't think it is. Oh, you're not on? Oh, yeah, look. Or, I don't know. Oh, there it is. Whoops. There you go. Okay, I was too soft-spoken. Really? I know. So dainty and feminine. Okay, sorry. You really need this prayer. I need it. Alrighty. All right, so we'll say this prayer together. Yeah. And then we'll talk a bit about it. All right. God. God. I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power thy love and thy way of life may I do thy well always we trick you because we say after the prayer we think well before taking this step too late um i again i mean this just reiterates the the whole like it goes from here's the problem you're you're selfish self-centered you're driven you're full of fear delusion self-seeking self-pity your problems are real making again rude i like that uh you know and that we have to be rid of that and so this prayer is basically hey you know new employer god power power uh i'm going with you. You know, you do with me what you will. You provide what I need and I'll stay close to you and do your work well. Take away my difficulties. What are the difficulties? Well, it's all of this stuff, right? It's like I have difficulties in my life, but the root of those difficulties is something I can't do anything about. The selfishness, the self-centeredness has to go. It told me in the previous place, I guess we didn't hit it, but it says it's got to go or it kills me. Like this is bad. I can'T live this way. So I'm saying to God, please relieve me of that. Relieve me of the bondage of self. Take away my difficulties so that I can better do his will, right? Like, so not so I can just enjoy myself and watch the hockey game and all that kind of stuff. It's not about me anymore. I'm placing myself into the care of this newfound power, of this New Idea, this new concept. I don't even really know what it looks like. I don't know exactly how it's going to work. I am just going to do it and see what happens, but I will be relieved of those things. My difficulties will fall away. You know, this does happen. Again, satisfied customer of this prayer. This is exactly what's happened to me. And then it kind of wraps it up saying I'm going to bear witness that it was God that did it. I didn't do it. I didn'T do this stuff. I couldn't. I could not relieve my own problems. If I could have, I would have. You never would have seen me here. Or if I showed up here and it was like, oh, God does this. I'd say, okay, great. See you later. So He will do it and then I'm gonna say, hey, it was Dios that did. It wasn't me. I'm doing it right now. I certainly do it when I work with people, but the power is not mine. The power comes in, comes through, but it is not my power, but it does work. Do you want to say anything about that or do you want a launch? Oh, just a little and then we launch. All right, what I want to point out is we'll notice that a lot of the prayers in the big book are not those something for nothing sort of prayers, you know, the get me out of this one or as I like to describe it, I, God, get me a pony. you know like his name will be clip clop and he will be a service pony for service you know what i mean it's not a something for nothing prayer i'm asking that like i'm god i offer myself to thee god i'm giving me to you so that you can build with me and do whatever you want with me because what i was doing was not working right and it says relieve me of the bondage of self And like you were saying, the bondage of self is all over 62. The bondage itself is not like, oh, I'm so great. It's that blanket of self-pity that turns into a noose. It's those hundred forms of fear. It is the self-delusion. It is stepping on the toes of my fellows and I can't even see that I'm doing that. It is pain and suffering and inability to fit and be in my own skin. Take that away. Not because that sucks is going to kill me. but take it away because when that's gone I can better do your will right and it takes away take away my difficulties not because they're difficult difficult uh lemon difficult I was gonna say I have a thing with my niece where I'm like she's like easy breezy lemon squeezy and I'mlike easy breesy chicken breezy because they like the wind uh but it's not because it's difficult difficult lemon difficult it's like take awaymydifficulties take away this stuff take away my mental obsession, take away the bondage of self, take that away so that I can help others. Others that do not know there is a way out and I want to point something it says capital T, capital P, capital T capital L, capital W and normally when I break down we agnostic line by line I point out every single capitalization because when we see capitalization that that is a synonym a word that we can use instead of God but also a word that is pointing to God. And I love that idea of God as a present tense verb, thy power, thy love, thy way of life. It's happening and moving now. And one of the things I want to point out, it talks about that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him. So this is an abandon, a leap of faith. Now, at the top of page 59, we didn't go over it, but there's a sneaky little prayer in how it works. Y'all know where I'm from in Alberta, do we read how it works at every meeting? It's like, you know, like, oh, I'll go outside and smoke. You know what I mean? Like, smoke jam, how it worked. But in How It Works, page 59, right after where it says half measures availed us nothing, which is rude because I really think I should get a little something for something. And by the way, if you're wondering, half measures availed nothing means if I do not do all of this as a way of life, I will get drunk. That's what that means. It says, we stood at the turning point. The third step is the turning point for my entire life. It's as we asked his protection and care with complete abandon. Anytime in this book it says we ask that as a prayer. And so that's what the third step ist. It' like the monster that is alcoholism has driven me to the edge of the cliff. And it is coming. And it's got me. And I know. And what do I gotta do? I gotta take this leap of faith. I gotta dive in. And i can hear friendly voices that are saying do it jump jump jump but there's a mist and a fog and I can't see my way down and what I've got to do is I got to take that leap of faith I wasn't going to tell the story but the ADHD or God has taken me so we're we're gonna say it uh I one of the most amazing things of my sobriety is I have a niece and a nephew in my life and they've never seen me drink and they don't know what it's like to to see like active alcoholism you know and when they were toddlers, they would do this thing that toddlers do. Some of you maybe have kids or nieces or nephews and toddlers where they climb up on the furniture a little bit too high. And then they're like, Eddie Page, catch! And they just go, you know? And I could drink coffee then. So it was like, whoa, you don't catch the toddler, don't spill the coffee. That's the order. Thank God for sobriety. But they were able to do it again and again and the reason why is they had never been dropped. And that's my experience in Alcoholics Anonymous. When I'm coming up to a spiritual action, when I'm Coming Up To A Spiritual Direction, when I'm Come Up To Things I Don't Want To Do. I Don'T Want To DO. I take that leap of faith and that's what it is. But in so doing I find that time after time after time I am caught. And as I do that my comfort zone grows. I'm just gonna say that because when I was new people would be like Paige everything you want is outside your comfort zone. I am like no it's not. I would like my comfy zone and Thank you. But I didn't realize that if I take those steps out, that comfort zone grows. And yeah, there's more I could say, but I'm good to launch in the sake of time. All right, let's launch. All right. Let's launch! So the last part of three is this launch at the bottom, right? So we've got a requirement. We have a decision. We have made a prayer. And now we are going to launch out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted though our decision the third step decision was a vital and crucial step it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us our liquor is but a symptom there what that's a crazy statement uh our liquor was but a symptoms so we had to get down to cause and condition which is four right we're going to go into four we're gonna start looking at this stuff but it this is such a strong warning right like we we must launch these are not passive words This isn't like, okay, you did your third step prayer. Like just chill, hang around, you know, work on your defect. It's launch. It's right away. Like this is timely. These are energetic descriptions, vigorous action. And the idea of little permanent effect, like I'm going for permanent effect. Right? Like I have a fatal progressive illness. I want permanent effect." I think I always think back to Bill's story as a demonstration of this because Bill has an unbelievably powerful second step experience on page 12, right? When Abby hits him with the, why don't you choose your own conception line, which I believe saved my life and many others by opening the door to it like, oh, it's not just this one particular conception. You can have any conception. But Bill describes it very powerfully, right. He's convinced God is concerned if we want him. the scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes uh he for a brief moment I needed and wanted there's a humble willingness to have him with me but he didn't do anything after that so that the events of that time with Ebi and when Ebi visits him in the hospital again is separated by weeks Bill is out on another bender between those two things happening right and then he's then he'S thrashed then he''s in the hostel then Ebi comes to him and says hey are you done and Bill has his experience so the the decision that bill made or the the the experience that bill had in step two also didn't have any permanent effect unless at once followed by more action by more effort right so he was like oh this is great cool awesome and then he just went back to his life and he got a hammered again i don't want that i want permanent effect i want real change i want rearrangement you know and and so i i don'T chill here three is not like hey let's just wait out we'll do a step a month it'll be great like no you know one two three is like you know like 15 minutes to a couple hours if you're sitting and working with somebody i mean there's variation in that of course depending on the who you're working with and what inspiration comes through but this is fast like this is not belabored this is like your dying here's an answer let's get going on it like that is the the order of this thing and and so i want permanent effect i'm going to launch into this vigorous course of action that is the end of three uh and then now i'm going to do some stuff now is the first no we've been chilling hey here's some stuff to think about are you an alcoholic or not want to make a decision yeah sure but now we're going to start doing some stuff there's actually some actions pieces of paper are going to be used bend paper all right and i love at the bottom like so at the bottom of 62 it talks about these different ways in which we can orientate ourselves to God and talks about he is the principal we are his agents and what that actually means is an agent is somebody who is legally allowed to act on behalf of the principal so that idea of like I'm acting on God's behalf which might change how we drive on the link I know the roads of the 401 or if you're fancy you're on the 407 with the transponder I know what's up right but so that's what that actual means but I think it's way more fun to read it as like, I'm an agent for God. Double O page, working for God, pew, pew. Where's my lasers? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah. Like I need my, I need mine like, uh, like what's her name? M and where's my rocket? And I'm going to launch. All right. I got my rocket. I got myself a rocket. I've got my car. I'm good to go. I'll get my laser watch. Like here we go. All Right. What is my next assignment? Working for God house cleaning. And so I'm going to kick it off, I have this metaphor. And so, and I want you to know that all my metaphors are consensual. You can be like, absolutely not. But what I believe is at the very center of my soul, there is a spiritual house. And if you're consenting, you're picking up what I'm throwing down. What I want você de saber é que o centro da sua alma é uma casa espiritual. E eu quero você saber que sua casa é boa. Sua casa é maravilhosa. Suas casas foram feitas por the most incredible, capital D, capital A, divine architect. Ooh, you should see the property value on your spiritual house. You know what I'm saying? Now going back to my house. So I'm not talking about yours anymore. We're talking about my spiritual house uh the problem with mine is I am a bit of a hoarder. You-you know what i mean like call in TLC, call in the cameras it is bad I am a hoarder. And I'm sure that you guys can't relate to any of this, but I've got these things and they're called resentments. I know, just me. And my resentments are like newspapers that are decades old and they are piled all the way from floor till ceiling. And what happens is when these resentments Are piled All The Way From Floor Till Ceiling, it blocks out the windows, it blocks out the light, and I'm alone in that house in darkness. Now again, I know I'm the only one, but I've got these things, and these things are called fears. And my fears are like empty bottles and cans that are strewn all over the floor. We know what that's like. And I can't step and I can't stand without them clicking and clattering and sounding bigger and louder than they really are. Now I know, I'm not the only ones. I got some sex conduct, you know? And it's a little like the dead cats behind the freezer? No, they're there. I also want to be very clear. No cats were harmed in the making of this metaphor. It is only a metaphor. And so what do I got to do in the fourth step? I'm beginning to clean that house. And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to take those newspapers down one by one. And I'm going to have a look at them. And I'm gonna find out the information was wrong the whole time. We'll talk about how I do it, how I take it out of this book. And as I pull those newspapers down one by one, that light begins to come in the house. And I love the metaphor of God as light because light is not what I see. Light is the way in which I see and what I mean by that, if we were to turn off all the lights in here, we'd be in darkness and everything has changed but yet nothing has changed and we begin to take inventory and isn't that our experience? Everything has changed and yet nothing has changed. I don't know about you, but my childhood got better. Childhood didn't change. My family got better, family different, didn't change. The drivers on the link, they started to use turn signals and stuff. Oh, oh, I've only been on there like four times. You know, the people on the 401, they started to drive better. They didn't charge. But how I see them changes. And as I see that light coming in through the window in the house, I can see how if I rely on that light, I don't have to live in that fear. And one by one, I begin to pick up those bottles and cans. And then I deal with the cats and I come up. And the whole purpose of that is to come up with a sane sound ideal for that future area of my life. And see, once I get all of that stuff into bags and into boxes, when I sit down with God and another human being, what I'm doing is I'm getting all that stuff out of the house and I take it to the curb and step six and step seven is all about becoming willing and then asking for the cosmic garbageman to come take it away you know yeah spiritual 1-800 got junk guy so if you're struggling if youre struggling with god feel free to use cosmic garbageman that works too um and that's all i want to say before diving into resentments and if if you wanted to yeah yes absolutely so light is not what i see so i don't see light light isn't is the way in which i see does that make sense it's like i don'T SEE GOD i mean absolutely i do but god is the way in WHICH i see that's what we're talking about yeah awesome great metaphor thank you You're welcome. Glad no cats were harmed. No cats were armed. I was worried about the cat. No cats weren't harmed. They're all okay. In the metaphor, they're okay. They're okay I guess the only thing I'd add to that and then you can take us through those sheets you made. I think those are really cool. If the owner of a business so they compare it to an inventory that you would take at a business. If I'm successful I kind of fool myself about values. This is an area in which I really want to fool myself about values when I start digging into uh you know resentment and looking at at these things that have happened to me i place value on like somebody has to pay like somebody haves to be punished somebody has to suffer this this isn't right and i get really attached to that and i'm fooling myself about the value of that i like them the metaphor of the newspapers is like yeah i'm i'm fooling myself with the value of having this newspaper from you know 27 years ago that oh, this thing happened and it's really important that we can't just be rid of that because it's so important that that thing happen, that I'll continue. My ego actually will continue to hang on to that so strongly that I won't be able to have it go. I won'T be able TO unblock the window. I won'T be able To get unblocked. And this stuff has to go, right? Like if there is a power and we decided that there was and then we decided that there was going to be, we were going to enter into a relationship with this power. We're going to go on the path of this power, then what is stopping that from happening? Well, it's all this stuff, right? It's all these clutter, all these things I've been carrying around with me all these years. It has to go. Awesome. Do you have one of the sheets that I... Oh, yeah. Okay, I'll get it. I was going talk and go get it but I don't know how microphones work. All right. And so how I start a fourth step I do it myself, but when I work with my sponsees, I'm like, get a notebook, get pen. I've made little PDFs, and so you can just open up to the second page after the employment contract. And what we do is we always, always, always start with a prayer. And it can be any prayer that you want, but I like to start with God, something like, God, please be with me during this inventory process. I pray that you would guide my heart, guide my mind, guide my pen. Help me to see the truth. May I be searching and fearless during this process. And then what we do when I work with my sponsees is we draw out the lines. And it's one line horizontally across the page and two lines up. And what that does is that creates four columns. And I'm going to do that on 50 to 100 pieces of paper. The way I do inventory is not environmentally friendly, but what I will say is we weren't afraid of doing lines before. You know what I'm saying? Can't do too many lines. Rock and roll. And so we get all those lines done. And so that's how I set up the page. And we're going to use that same page set up in resentments and fears and sex conduct. And at the bottom of page 64, it says resentment is the number one offender. Number one. Hey, boo. Good to see you. Sorry. He's here. We can start everyone. I'm teasing. Okay, we'll start back at the beginning. Okay, step one. All right. So resentment is a number one. Resentment is the no. 1 offender It destroys more alcoholics than anything else from it. So from resentment stem all forms of spiritual disease. That isn't to say spiritual disease can only come from resentment, but from resentment can spring all forms of spiritual diseases. It is the number one offender. And it says, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, mentally, mental obsession, the insane thought that I have before I take the drink, physically ill physical allergy, that thing that sets off inside of me once I take that drink, I need more. We have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. That is the order. I've got to treat the spiritual Malady with God. Because really for me, the spiritual Mality often is a conscious separation from God. That's what it is. And that fuels my mental obsession. So if I treat that sense of separateness from God through these 12 steps, that's the purpose. And I have that conscious contact with God, well then I don't have that insane thought to take that drink. And if I don't have that insane thought that tells me I can take the drink, I don' t take the drink. Just like this morning, I didn' t have to think, I'm going to put my hand on the hot stove. I just didn' d do it. You know what I mean? So it will not set off the allergy. I still have the allergy, but I won' t set it off. And it says, in dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions, or principles with whom we are angry. Now, I want to go on a very slight etymological tangent again. So fun. Who invited me? I think it was a committee decision, so as you're writing your inventory, you can say the committee, column one. Column two will be inviting Paige. But the word resentment, I believe it's French in origin, and it's a re-feeling. And so what we're writing is about the re-fehling of a negative feeling or emotion. But one of the things that's really important is if I started my writing with prayer, which is what I should do, if it comes to mind, I don't self-edit. It doesn't matter if it happened a long time ago. It doesn't mater if it's a small one. Man, I want you to know I learn more about who I am and the things inside of me that are blocking me from God from those little piddling, little resentments than I did those monsters, those Goliath resentments. You know what I'm saying? So it doesn't matter. Write it down. Do not self-edit. Resentment destroys more alcoholics than anything else. Write It Down, Write It down, Write it Down. Here's my experience. I have never, never regretted taking anything through inventory. Doesn't matter if I've inventoried it a hundred thousand times. I've never regreted it. The worst thing that could happen is I waste five minutes of my life and then I get more experience with the process that I need to use as a way of life, but I need also help others with. There's no downside. But the risk of not writing it down, it destroys more alcoholics than anything else. Write it down. Write it down write it down and so how I like to work through is one column at a time so what I want to get all of my column ones done and column one is just a name either person or an institution or principal. An institution can be things like your rehab, could be places like your work, could be a c-r-a c-ra yeah yeah so you're like yeah we got some inventory to write yeah rock and roll uh yeah it can be the it can b um it could be your home group it could b like those are examples of institutions people's a little easier we can figure that out principles man if i got a resentment towards god this is where it goes write down god if you resent having to be honest write it down If you resent having to do inventory, you can do inventory on inventory. Yeah. That's meta. Yeah. If you resentment, you know, having to go make amends, if you resent that this is a way of life, if you resentment your alcoholism, write it down. That's what we're talking about. And I do one per page. So here's what inventory often looks like as somebody who has written a lot and helped a lot of people with inventory. Mom, flip the page. Dad, flipthepage. The ex, flipthepage. The other ex, flipptheppage. That gets a little more variable. Our employer, flip the page. The guy at my home group who won't shut up, flip the page! Page! Flip the page, you know what I'm saying? I have ended up on Sponsy's four steps. I'm really, I know, I'm really good at inventorying me. I'm the problem. And so that's, so that'S what I do. And once that'S done, I get into column two. And again, I like to do it one column at a time. Yeah, go ahead. Can I just put one thing in column one um don't confuse institutions with people uh if you you want to get as specific as possible so don't say cops when you're mad at a specific cop so if it's a cop that you're bad at put down you know officer idiot face um but if it is all cops put put that down right like it's be be as specific as you can and and don't group like don't put siblings or kids or people at work like get specific to it, you'll get much more out of it than being general about it. You don't want to have a vague general experience. You want a very specific, powerful experience. So really think about whether or not it's all of the group or just one person or all of an institution or some people within that institution that you're resentful at. Or even both. Or both, yeah, absolutely. We're very resentful, so it's okay to put more down. Yeah, absolutely. And we already did all those lines so all right and so then we get into column two and column two is we ask ourselves why we were angry and that's it and here's the thing this is where i say point form and petty you know what i mean point form i don't want to get into story nasty but yeah yeah like listen this is the only place in the step work where you can use the c word if you want to use it you know i'm not gonna say it i'm gonna say but you can't use it if you like you gotta use whatever word you want like you be petty be as pet don't like try to fancy it up be petty be raw but be brief because i don't want to get into story and you'll notice uh across the page on page 65 i think there's uh no more than 17 words i don' t limit sponsees to 17 words but i know some people that do so like it's really point form bottom of 64 it goes on to say uh in most cases, we found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened. So we were sore, we were burned up. Now a lot of people take the third column from the bottom of 64, and if you do, that's fine. That's totally fine. You're not going to get drunk. I take it from the top as, yeah, like sometimes, like here's what I've learned. There are clear, cut, precise directions and some wiggle room. You know what I mean? I take, I take my third column from the very top of page 65 because it says on our grudge list, boom, I got my list and I got why I hold the grudge. It says we set opposite each name or injury. So that to me is the third column. I don't need to be right by the way. If your sponsor tells you to do it a different way, I'm wrong. I'm wron. But I will say come join me being wrong. It's fun over here. Shenanigans. All right. And so if it affects my self-esteem, I just write self- esteem. My self-esteem is how I feel about myself. Does it make me feel less about myself? Does it affect my feelings of self-worth? And then it's got security. Now if you're like, girl, I can't give up the pocketbook. I've got to write about pocketbook, don't you worry how we do as we break down security, three types of security. Physical security financial security and emotional security. So you can spread it out. So if it affects my physical security, does this resentment Was I physically injured? Was I physical harmed? Did I feel physically unsafe? Emotional security. Was my feeling emotionally harmed? Was I emotionally hard? Was I feeling emotionally unsafe? Financial security. Did it affect my job, my money? Did you steal from me? That sort of thing. And if so, we just write it down. And ambition. My ambition is my desire to go out and do things in the future. Let's say I had a teacher that was mean to me in the third grade. Maybe that affected my ambition to go and study and try at school. Do you know what I mean? And then personal relations, those are my relationships with all my platonic homies. And sex relations are my non-platonic homie's. I didn't think I was going to say that. And I just keep it as simple, and I know there are ways to do expanded third columns and to dive in, but I just keeping it as simply as that. Because what I'm trying to see in the third column is the depth of the resentment. Which is to say, if I have a monster resentment, it affects all these areas of my life. Or, if all these áreas of my Life are affected, this is a big resentment and I need to get free of it. So it gives me that, like, man, this Is how I got to get Free. Is there anything you want to say? Yeah, I was just going to say I usually add Pride into that. It's on there. And I find I can be driven by Pride. how I think it looks to other people is a big thing for me you know like if you knew this was going on like that would be a problem so I throw that one in there and I love I love that we get multiple choice we don't need psychology degrees I don't have to have some kind of deep understanding of anything because I don t I m an idiot I have no insight into my own behavior I don t have good insight into other people's behavior like other people do they'll be like well of course they're doing that it's because of these things they're like oh yeah that makes sense i don't see it so it's it's good that we can keep this really simple and and bucket into these things uh it just takes the pressure off it's huge yeah and in the point form too i i'll just add that again so important you're not telling a story because you'll you'll always end up in justification if you write too much in the cause you're just looking for the truth and i usually get pretty nasty in it because my my resentments are shitty you know they're shitty it's like it's not good um what was the oh there's one other thing and i had this conversation with a guy this morning he called me hadn't talked to him for a while he's talking about inventory uh and and this applies if you've been around here for a little while your ego has probably gotten very subtle with you and it will tell you things like oh you don't have a resentment oh you're past that so he says well why don't you write down the people that annoy you hey write down write down stupid people write down people who aren't doing it right right you know so it's subtle but that's sort of where it goes right like we can still come up with a list don't worry oh absolutely and i love that i lovethat point because i you know i have sponsees and uh they'll be like no no no it's not it's nice i'm just a little frustrated so what i've done recently is I've taken these resentment columns, and I've just switched the title and said just a little frustrated. And instead of why am I angry, cross that out, a little frustrating. And here's my experience. These columns that we're learning in the fourth step, I don't just pick them up in step four and then set them down. These columns I'm going to use in my tenth step. I'm gonna use in My Evening Review. These columns are how I'm gong to live my life. And we haven't spoken about this yet, but man, if these columns can get me free of the monsters, you know, the Goliaths in my life, why would I not use them for the jerk that's taking too long at Timmy's? Do you know what I mean? Like, why wouldn't I? The only thing that comes from it is freedom and experience. There's literally no downside. So yeah. Awesome. Awesome, uh, why don't we pop over to 66? we'll go back I'll maybe go back to the example but like I'll we'll do some fourth column in the example oh cool yeah I didn't know if you needed me for anything no I'm not in the middle of anything though if you do can you help us move a piano oh yeah I love heavy lifting I lift with my back in sharp jerky twisting motions that's how you do right all right so I'm just I'm gonna pop over first full paragraph on 66. It says, it is plain that a life, and I want to point something out, this is a life. This is any life, not just the alcoholic life, any life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility. To be futile means to get us nowhere and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, that we allow ourselves to have resentments or I'm just a little upset and bothered, you know, permit those too. Do we squander, which is to waste the hours which might have been worthwhile? But with the alcoholic whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience. And I want to point something out. We're talking about Bill's experience. He had a powerful second-step experience. But what happened was the calamities of life continued to fill him. I don't know about anyone here. I couldn't stay well on one drink. Anyone ever do that? I can't stay well on one spiritual experience either. You know what I'm saying? I want to keep seeking. I want To keep growing. So yeah, there's maintenance, but there's more than maintenance. There's growth of a spiritual experience. And it says this business of resentment is infinitely grave. So to the utmost and fatal. And if you're like, are you sure that that is what it means? Yes, because it goes on to say we found that it is fatal. So they are hammering this home. I do not get the luxury of resentments. I will have resentments, that's why we have inventory, that's Why We Have The Tenth Step, that'sWhyWeHaveTheEveningReview, but I willhave them. For when harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. The insanity of alcohol, that's the mental obsession returns and we drink again. And with us to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger, the grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. In the 1930s, brainstorm didn't mean like, hey, we've got to workshop this idea. Brainstorm meant a sudden explosion or outburst of anger. You know what I'm saying? So I can't live in grouchiness. I'm just a little frustrated, and I can'T live like shouting my anger or exploding in anger. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics, these things are poisoned. So we turned back to the list where it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We're going to do a 180 with these things. Because first, it's like, that's the jerk. That's how they were stupid, jerky faces. And the third column is how their stupid, jerkly faces affected me. We're gonna look at them from an utterly different angle, I'm the jerk! We began to see the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrongdoings of others, fancied or real, had the power to actually kill. And what I want to point out before we get into the fourth column, what we will find is 99, 98% of our resentments are fancied. 98% of them are. You know, it was me living in self, stepping on toes and all I could see was their retaliation. But there are cases, especially the things that happened to us in childhood that are real but they still have the power to actually kill. So what do I do with them? So we go through the same process but when we get to the fourth colon with things especially like childhood abuse we're going to still go through the process of prayer but instead with most of our resentments we look at before but with those ones we look it after and what i get into in the fourth column is not seeking help for it drinking at it um you know using it to manipulate behavior re-victimizing myself you know keeping it a secret that sort of thing does that make sense cool i always like to talk about that up front because as we get into the fourth column if we have that lingering in our brain, that's all we can think about. Or maybe you guys don't have ADHD, it's fine. I don't either. It's rude that you think I do. Weird. And so it says they had the power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how we could not wish them away any more than alcohol. And we're beginning to see this process. See, I come up to alcohol and I can't do anything about it. I come up to self and I can't do anything about it. I comeup to resentments and I can'tdoanythingaboutit. We're going to seeI can't doanything about my fears or my sex conduct. And what do I do is I outpour myself to God's unconditional love. That's what this process is. And it says, This was our course. We realized the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick, though we did not like their symptoms, column two, and the way these disturbed us, column three, they like ourselves were sick too. Whoa! We're gonna come back to that and this is what's known as the resentment prayer and there's of course other prayers you can always pop over to page 552 uh there's other things that you can do especially for the big big monster ones you know meditations like hono ponopono loving kindness that sort of thing but before i get into any of my resentments what i want to do is i want to say this prayer for each and every one i can be louder than that but it's going to be tempted it's like oh i don't know that's what happens in my brain if i'm not doing this it's like chainsaws and weed whackers so this is the prayer and i'm going to say this before for each resentment before i write on column four so i'm gonna say the prayer then right say the prayer then write and it says uh we ask god anytime it says we ask that's a prayer and i'll just i'll say it uh i'll save the prayer how i say it so it's god help me to show this person the same tolerance, pity, and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is a sick person. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will not mine be done. And I say that before I write. And you know what's interesting? Often in AA we say, well, we pray for them. You'll notice we're not praying for them, we're praying that I see them in a new way that I show up to them in a new way how can I be helpful to them like that's a radical idea like crazy crazy idea is there anything you want to say about that before I was gonna say you can say that prayer through gritted teeth if you're still in the resentment that's fine you just have to follow the direction and I mean and to say like this a prayer for me also to be saved from being angry because as they sort of hammered home on the previous page my anger is killing me my my interpretation of these events is killing me my fancied or real is killing me so i have to have a new experience with this stuff it has to transform and has to be removed and this is the first step into that so i i don't in some of those resentments like i don't have to like this i don' t have to really mean it but i do have to say it i do have to follow these directions to enter into this new uh this new experience so Awesome. And this is just a little, like a little trick that I found when working with sponsees. So I'll go front to back in most of the books. So it'd get all column one, then go to the front and all of column two, go tothe front, go all column three, go to thefront. But the fourth column, it can be helpful to work back to front because what there's always an exception. There's always one heavy hitter at the back, but by and large, it's the little ones. Tim Horton's messing up my order, the guy sharing at the meeting too long. And it gives me practice rocking and rolling in the fourth column and gives me a little bit of time if I need some extra spiritual elbow grease to say some additional prayers for the ones at the front. You'll notice the ones of the front have the full house of column three, and the ones in the back usually have one or two. And so that just, it allows me to build that momentum. Now when we get into column four, that is my mistakes. I'm no longer looking at what they did, I'm looking for me. And the first prompt that I have found, I picked this up in Ontario. So this is your fault. I love how I'm like, I got to take responsibility and I'm going to do it by blaming you. The first prompt is have I done these things? And it comes from top of 67. They like ourselves were sick too. And man, if I am resistant, if my walls are up, man, it opens me up. Have I done those things? I can laser beam as closely as I need to, which have I did this exact, this person stole from me? Well, did I steal from them and did I do that first? You know what I mean? But we can make it as, as a, like laser beamed out as we need to as well. Have I been controlling? Like I think they're controlling. Do you know what I mean?" And then the second point we get, I get it from page 62. Where did I make a decision based on self which put me in a position to be hurt? Right? Yeah. Page 62. You see that's, that's what we're talking about and we're looking at before. Now the best way that I can explain this is by kind of doing the fourth column for the examples on 65, if that's cool with everyone. Cool. So we got on page 65, we got Mr. Brown. I have a little mug that says Mr. brown needs to get his ass kicked. Yeah. And it's because, and I'll skip over column three, but I'm resentful of Mr. Browne because of his attention to my wife, told my wife of my mistress, Brown may get my job at the office, and I'll say the prayer. God help me to show Mr. Brown the same pity, patience, and tolerance so I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Mr. brown is a sick person. You can say it like this. God save me from being angry. How can I be helpful to him? God save my from being angered that I will not mind be done. If I'm looking for where I made a decision based on self, which later put me in a position to be hurt, his attention to my wife and told my wife of my mistress. Is it possible, is it possible? bear with me, that it might be a little selfish and self-centered of myself to have a mistress. Now I'm also going to point something out. I'm an alcoholic. I don't got one mistress. I got two. So I got the mistress that I have, but I also have the mistress that is my alcoholism and alcohol. And am I giving my wife any time and attention, spending any time with her? No. And Brown might get my job at the office. Where did I make a decision based on self? Well, if I go all the way down, we are going to see that I am not a good employee. And that has nothing to do with Mr. Brown. And then so let's have a look at Miss Jones. She's a nut. She snubbed me. She committed her husband for drinking. He's my friend. She's agossiped, so I'll say the prayer. God help me to show Miss Jones the same pity, patience, and tolerance that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Miss Jones is a sick person. How can I be helpful to her? god save me from being angry that i will not mind be done where did i make a decision based on self which later put me in a position to be hurt well am i sitting drinking with her husband without considering the effect that that is having on him he's an alcoholic like me and he's so severe in his alcoholism that he had to be committed locked away in an institution and i'm not considering how how that affected him but i'm also not thinking about how that affects her her family the kids I'm probably showing up drunk smashing tables at her you know in her living room and then when it talks about uh she snubbed me what sort of influence am I you know what I mean and like we can see myself seeking my need for worth validation uh attention and approval I'm self seeking that right and uh also her being a gossip I wonder what she might have to gossip about perhaps my mistress you know what i'm saying so if i'm not doing these things she's got nothing you know to gossip about but also yeah i don't i don' t know if i would want like my husband or partner to be like hanging out with somebody that's like doing that you know like fair enough right my employer unreasonable unjust overbearing threatens to fire me for padding the expense account. If you don't know what that is, that's stealing. That's me stealing from work, right? And so we can see, right, I'm probably not showing up to work sober, if at all. I'm taking very long liquid lunches where I'm not showing back up in the afternoon, right. I're stealing from work. If I don't do these things, my employer is probably going to be a lot more just and reasonable. And again, my wife misunderstands, nags, likes, brown, wants, house, put in her name, right! I'm cheating on her. I am not giving her the attention that she needs. I'm not showing up for work. I'm really threatening the home, the security, and what could she possibly have to nag about? You know, all my selfishness, self-centeredness. So does that make sense for that one? Cool. And then on page 67, it doesn't say had we been. On page 67 it said where had we be? Where had we ben? Selfish, dishonest, self seeking, and frightened. So when I open this up, I look for where I was selfish, where I was dishonest. Where was I self-seeking and where was I afraid? And I just want to throw out, here's what some selfishness can look like. Me showing up trying to control things. Playing God. Thinking I know what's best. I might know it might be easiest, but I don't know what'S best. Right? Showing up with entitlement. Being aggressive. Does that kind of sound like some selfishess? It's all about me, what I can get. When I look dishonest, man? It is dishonest that opens it up. Because I've had cash register honesty for a long time. I'm not stealing from you and I'm telling outright lies. But I'm manipulating, right? Or I'm saying yes to things I know in my heart I need to say no to. I's not honoring my limitations, you know what I mean? I'm crossing my own internal boundaries. I' m not communicating. Or lies of omission. Lies of omition, absolutely. And so when I look for where I was dishonest in each and every resentment. Man, that opens up. Self-seeking. For me, it can look like that self-searching my sense of value and worth and esteem and security and approval. You know, I'm looking for you to fix me, right? Think well of me. Tell me I'm doing a good job. You know what I mean? You don't have to. Oh, thank you. It feels so good. And the worst thing is I get it and then I'm like, I need more. Give it to me. Whoopsies. I say I wasn't kidding about. Watch out, you're in the slash zone. And there's also that self-seeking need to be right and to be seen as right. See, I don't know about you guys, but I can't just be correct by myself. I need an audience. I mean, you all to be like absolutely convinced of my correctness. It does need to unanimous. Also, I'm sure no one here would judge or criticize or gossip I'm sure no one here but you know what happens with that is I'm showing up to life with this less than ego this feeling of the depth of who I am is not enough and then I judge and I gossip and I criticize to give myself a boost to better than ego and it works for a moment just like that first drink it works für a moment but I end up feeling worse see I don't know about you but that's a pattern that my defects fall into another thing that I can have is unfair unreasonable or uncommunicated expectations. I'm selfish, I've created this rule book and I expect you to follow it but I just made it and I didn't share it with you. You know what I mean? And then where was I afraid? Oftentimes I find I have a fear of rejection, abandonment, communication, conflict, you know, all these things and what I will do is I will look for all the fears that put me in a position to be hurt now when I get all those done and written for all my resentments I'll then take those fears and have a look at them in the fear section. So, yeah, I think that's what I got to say for that. Awesome. I like that treatment of the four questions. It's really good. I'll just add sort of the way that I work with it mostly is around those two questions and that, you know, though putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. is to sort of say, like, what did I do to that person? And it's not about the resentment. It's not like what happened to cause the resentment, like if I'm angry because of this or because of that. It's what didI do to them ever? So if I put down dad and I'm angered, he was controlling, he was abusive, he wasn't an alcoholic, he put the fear of God into us, and so I'm putting all those down things, And then I go, okay, well, what, you know, I'm going to, okay. We're going to disregard the wrongs that dad did. I'm gonna look for my own mistakes. Well, what did I do to my father? Not what didIi do tomy father to cause him to be controlling or to be abusive. It's what didi ever do tomydad? Well, I stole from him. I drank his booze. I disrespected his home, my mother, my siblings. I, youknow, I was unreliable. I was difficult for, youknow, he would ask me to do something. or just turn into a fight it's like you know what can you wash the dishes you know so it was very hard you know i wasn't nice to him either and and so it'slike i'm looking for that stuff too right like i'm not it's not about the resentment and this is the best trick that aa has to me is this because i come into this thinking oh oh yeah let's oh that oh i'm mad yeah like oh yeah then let me tell you all about what they did to me and then all of a sudden it gets flipped around in this last column where it's like well what do you mean what did i do who cares about that let's talk about why i'm angry like and i start to get to see a little bit of truth about who i am right like i walk around with this like victim mentality of like how much i was mistreated and then when i start to examine the content of my relationships it turns out that i actually was doing a lot of that stuff too and and worse and and different and then the the other question i look at uh is though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved. And the way they work with that is I look at the things that I'm angry at and I ask myself, is that I do those things? Again, ever, not to the person, you know. So if my, I'm mad because my dad was controlling, I asked myself the question, well, where have I been controlling? Have I been controling? And it's like, well you know maybe I wasn't controlling with my dad. I tried to be but he was better at it. But you know, have I've been controlling with my kids. And then I put that, oh yeah, I was controlling. I did this to my son. I did this, did this for my daughter. I do this to my wife. I'd do this for the people around me and that actually starts to inform an eighth step list because I put down the specific examples of where have I actually engaged in these behaviors. That really kicks the door open on this stuff you know because it's no longer about my little chicken shit resentments not all of them are like you said 98% of them are fancied and two percent of them are like yeah something bad happened uh and that's okay right but i have to examine that stuff and i think you made the point so well like the after right so if i have been and and this is this is an area we've been we've ben doing this for 15 well not page and i but uh in in our back room we've bene doing this 15 years and one of the areas that really is difficult is if you have been a victim of of of molestation of violence of of you know like that stuff is hard to look at in this lens because it's like putting you know putting out of or sorry the um we tried though a situation had not been entirely our fault i would add to that or at all because if you didn't do anything you know if you think oh well what did i do to them and the answer is nothing i was just like you know when i was 12 i got i got mugged by some older teenagers they stuck a knife in my stomach they took my money what did I do to that i didn't even know them. So what did I do to them? So where is the situation I've been at fault entirely? So I asked myself the question, I do the inventory as it's written. I say, putting out of my mind the wrong others are doing, I resolutely look for a moment and say, okay, what did I do those guys? Nothing. And then I ask, then I look at this, I know a situation had not been entirely my fault or at all. I'm going to disregard them and look for my, where I'm to blame. And I do that exercise of, so why am I angry? Well, they hurt me. They stole from me. They were violent to me. They scared me. They took advantage of me. They embarrassed me because I had, you know, there's a couple of friends and they ran away. And so I put all those things down. And then if I examine those points, why am i angry? Well, have I ever been, have i ever scared anybody? You know, I never mugged anybody, but i'm a big guy. And if I get in your face and I'm angry, that's scary. And I've done that to people. I have beaten people up. So I'm going to put those down. So, you know, I fought this guy. I beat this guy up. I scared these people. I took advantage of this person. I stole. Man, I stole a lot. I love to steal. Like, I got a lot of amends around stealing shit. I don't, you now, I don' t do it anymore. But it's like, did I? So I can get, there's power here because, again, it's not about, this is why it's such a great trick. It's like I'm walking around and I'm saying, oh, I can't progress because I can'T get by that event. It'S like, well, I actually CAN because the problem ISN'T that that thing happened to me. IT'S the problem is that I am doing all this stuff in my life. This is what I'M drinking over. I'M DRINKING because I'M the one who'S carrying all this stuff out, feeling sorry for myself because of what HAPPENED to me, and then treating everybody in my LIFE like SHIT! No wonder I CAN'T stay sober. No wonder i CAN'T be comfortable in my own skin. oh this is such a powerful exercise don't miss it and that stuff that's so scary and so hard find somebody who's been through it who's gone through this work with it who can help you to see some of that truth and get free of that so you can get free but i've seen it i've i've watched others do it i worked with enough guys at this point especially around molestation like the percentage of people in alcoholics anonymous who have been molested is a lot and and so sitting with people and they think i can never get past that and then watching them get past it through this and through the continued work is incredible what a gift this is it's so powerful absolutely and it's always okay if for especially for that sort of stuff if we need outside help oh yeah absolutely i always recommend yeah yeah it talks about that uh in the family afterward 131 i think Somebody will find it and be like, it's not 131. Now we've got to go, find it, find it, yeah, no, I can't, not, no it's 131, oh, I know, oh I thought that was that, I'm like, oh no. Yeah, it does recommend we seek outside help, doctors and psychologists and things like that, so absolutely get extra help if you need help. Absolutely, absolutely, and the other thing um that can be really helpful is um if we're very thorough in that fourth column and we find that there's an amends to make not all of it but a lot of what i've written in that fourth column can go directly into the amends which saves us from writing i mean just i wanted to point that out um did we want to get into fears did we wrap up yeah cool let's go to fears all right so actually i just want to say one last thing we placed this before us in black and white uh this talks about writing if you show up at a fifth step with a your inventory on your phone you're going back home to write it on paper black and white pen to paper write it out there's power in the pen uh don't don't abbreviate don't say you know the two little quote marks to say it's the same as the one above don't do that write it all out if you're writing the same thing over and over again good yes good yes that is there is a power to that that is unbelievable so don't shortchange yourself write it pen to paper i mean if somebody shows up in blue pen i'm not going to send them back because it wasn't a black pen but yeah you can get sober with blue you can be okay and the colors although red pen is a little weird it's a little aggressive it's a little impressive but you can pen to pen is tough because you can't read it but i mean purple is fine yeah so write write a pen topaper that's that is important and write it all out But if you have to write two words, fear and selfish and self-centered a million times, good. Absolutely. There's value in it. All right. So bottom of 67, we're talking about fear. So I like to take the fears from my resentments. And I can always add more. And what we're taking away is the fear of self-centredness. What we're looking at is self- centred fear. We're not looking at – I mean, we can, snakes and spiders. Yeah, let's put them down. We can, absolutely. But what we are looking at that idea of I'm going to lose something that I have or I'm not going to get something that want. And I love that it talks about how fear is an evil and corroding thread. The fabric of our existence was shot through with it. And what that means, fabric that is shot through, means it has threads that are going one way and threads going another way. So imagine half the threads of a shirt or a blanket are shot through with fear, this thing that is corroding. It's eating away at it. We're going to find it falling apart very, very quickly. And so I'm just going to pop over to 68. I'm going to talk about the columns really quickly. But the best way to learn how I do the fear columns is through examples. So we'll maybe do an example or two, maybe some more examples after the break for fear. So come up with some fears. I know nobody here is afraid of anything. It's just me. But try to think of something. So column one is on the top of 68. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. we put them on paper even though we had no resentment in connection with them so that's it and we put it down and again one column at a time and that even though we had not resentment in connexion with them it's fine if you just have a fear that's on your heart you can write that down column two is why we asked ourselves why we had them so why do I have this fear so I'm going to look at everyone's first two I don't mean to ruin your day and your inventory but everyone's first two fears are rejection and abandonment uh so i'll talk about rejection so fear of rejection why do i have this fear because it's happened before because it's painful it means that nobody will ever love me and i'm going to die alone um and you can take that through like it's a way of doing inventory that's called the because way where it's like because because because right and and the wonderful things he does because of the wonderful things he does. Alcoholism, oh my! Bears. I don't know. But what I found when I, you know, I'm afraid of rejection because it means that no one will ever love me because I seek my value and worth from others because I don' t feel like who I am is enough because I am separate from God. So that's another way to do it. But just for how I do it. I typically just, yeah, it's happened before. It's painful. It then goes on to say, wasn't it because self-reliance has failed us? And so in that third column, I love to dive in and look at how has self-reliance failed me in terms of that fear. So in terms of that peer rejection, here's what it looks like. Do I reject others first? Do I push people away? Do I build relationships too quickly because I'm just afraid that somebody is going to leave me? I don't know about you, but when I'm on self- reliance, I'm eventually going to be drinking. And if I'm drinking, I'm peeing on your carpet. I'm sleeping with your husband. I'm stealing your car. You don't want me around. You know what I mean? I'm just kidding. No, it was linoleum. That never happened. You know it's up. And also before that happens, if I am sober until that happens. What happens is I have that like I'm selfish. I'm self-centered. I'm stepping on your toes and I can't see it. I don't know about you. I'm codependent as all get out. And I need you to give me constant validation that I'm okay. it's all about me and what I can get and that's draining for you I don't know about you but I don' t feel comfy with healthy people they scare me and I think they're so full of themselves that's not it, they just don't hate themselves with the same vitriol that I've lived my entire life and so when I look at how self-reliance failed me I hang out with people who feel comfortable and feel familiar but they are unhealed just like me and they're more likely to do things that rejects me. And so that's kind of a glimpse of how column three. Now it goes on to say perhaps there is a better way, we think so. And so in that fourth column, we get to look at how I do it as I get to looking at how can God reliance overcome this fear. And I just want to point out, we trust infinite God rather than our finite self. We are in the world to play the role he assigns. I made that decision in step three. That was our employment contract. and this is a promise there's a promise in fears and step forward just to the extent that we do as we think he would have us and humbly rely on him I don't have to know I don'T HAVE TO KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT I DO MY BEST AT THIS AND RELY ON GOD DOES HE ENABLE US TO MATCH CALAMITY WITH SERENITY CALAMity IS THE AWFUL THINGS THE PAIN THE SUFFERING A MODERN WORD FOR CALAMITY MIGHT EVEN BE TRAUMA THAT GETS MATCHED WITH SERENity AND IT'S NOT MINE IT'S A SERENITY THAT IS NOT my own. And so before I write on that fourth column, I want to go very bottom of 68. We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be. So God asks that you remove my fear of rejection and direct my attention towhat you would have me be. Also, I love that it says we let him demonstrate through us what he can do. I'm meant to be a demonstration. I love the St. Francis prayer. This whole deal for me is get me out of the way, let God flow through me. That's what I'm here for. So how can God reliance overcome this fear With all fears except relapse, there's a surface level and the deeper level. So the surface level is my fear of rejection. So if I rely on God, I'm going to be working these 12 steps as a way of life like my life depends on it because it does. As a result, I am going to stay sober. Your carpet is going to say dry, your husband is going stay yours and your car is going be in the driveway, you know what I am saying? And you are more likely to have me around, you now. I am also going to taking a daily inventory. I am doing step 10, I will do an evening review So when things pop up, I'm going to catch it. I'm gong to clean it up. Do you know what I mean? I'm gonna make amends. I'm gunna have experience sponsoring others and living in selfless service. And my sense of worth, value, esteem, who I am comes from God and I'm guong to channel that to you. So my relationships are about what I can give. That's more attractive. You're more likely to want me around. I also need to cultivate relationships with newcomers, with sponsors, with pillars. And I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and creating those relationships and building that experience. I'm also, as I become healthier, I begin to attract healthier people, people that are less likely to reject me. But the deeper level is even if, even if. And you can, I like sometimes writing this like to the nth degree. Like if even if everyone in Hamilton rejects me, I'll be okay if I rely on God and I'll use that experience to help others. Maybe in Oshawa or something. Hamilton's feeling a little sore. Yeah. I don't know, it was the first place that came to mind. So we've got 10 minutes-ish, because we're going off that sort of. Who's got a fear? Throw out a fear. Yeah, what fear have you got? I'm afraid that even though I'm sitting here and talking to this guy, I'm not forced to have a day-to-day. Amazing. And I'm meeting him every day, and I'm still afraid that he might be behind me, and I still pray that he's not going to touch me. Wonderful. All right. Fear I'm not going to have, and don't worry, I see you at the back. I'll get you after. I see You. I acknowledge. Yeah. All right, fear that I'm not going have what the people in Alcoholics Anonymous have. Afraid I'm not going that light. Why? Because I've never experienced that. I don't know what that's like. I've only lived this way of misery. I'm no, I don' think I'm worthy. We're going to tie that into column three. Absolutely. I can't think of anyone less worthy than me. Honestly. Honestly, and so because it would be painful because I will continue to relapse. Now, how has self-reliance failed me? Maybe we've been in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous, but we haven't grabbed a hold of this thing. You know what I mean? On self-reliance, I will not work these steps. On self‑reliant, I won't do this inventory. On self–reliants, I don't have daily prayer and meditation. I will make my amends. On self‑reliance I will rely on me and I will get drunk. On self-reliance, my sense of who, so saying like I don't feel like I'm worthy of it. I will hold myself back based on what I think I'm worthy of and I will never do it. I will tie my sense of value and worth to what I thing people think of me and I will stay stuck. And I will build momentum in stuck. How's that sound for column three? God remove my fear that I'll never have what they have in AA. Remove my fear that I'l never have that light. Remove my fear that I will never have that joy. The deeper level or the surface level is I'm going work these 12 steps as a way of life. You're not leaving here without a sponsor. You're going to have a sponsor, sweet, so maybe a new one no pressure, we'll get you someone here, no worries no judgment, we're getting someone here you don't have to leave without a sponsor and you're going dive into this work quickly. It does not take long to get well in Alcoholics Anonymous. You are going to dive into the work and begin to recover you are going take inventory and that light is going to come on your eyes. You will work on your fears and you're going to feel them lift. You're going to develop a sane, sound sex ideal. And you're going to, and that man, that's for that type of relationship, but it applies in all areas. You are going to pray that on a daily basis and how you show up to all your relationships is going to change. The change is going to happen to you. You're gonna go out and make amends and all your relationships are gonna change. Most of them are gonna go way better than you ever think possible. Some of them might not go great. I'll tell stories about that when we get there. And what you're gonna do is you're gonna live a life of service. you're going to show up and give what has been so freely given to you, you're gonna dive into this work and as you dive into the work the joy of this book, the joy of this work is gonna happen you're not gonna set this down you're just gonna take those steps and that's gonna build momentum and that momentum is going to build momentum whatever I do builds momentum daily action builds daily action and then it becomes this way of life it becomes a way of like and it's gonna happen for you and maybe this is one where the deeper level doesn't apply, but here's what I'll say. Even if you have tough times in your sobriety, and I want you to know that I have, even if you're having a tough go, if you do this work and rely on this power, you will be okay and you will use that experience to help others. Yeah. Here to help! I'll make amends for that after too. Alright, in the back. What do you got? wonderful. That's the, yeah, wonderful. So fear of relapsing. Why do I have this fear? Well, step one told me I will, you know, uh, cause I have, I've relapsed again and again and again. I've burnt it to the ground again and again. And again, as I go through this work, I can see my hopelessness. I know I will relapse. It's painful. It'S an awful way to live. I destroy my life. I destroyed my relationships. How has self-reliance failed me? Well I don't do this work. I don'T do this work as a way of life maybe maybe we don't do any of it maybe we just sit around in meetings nothing wrong with meetings um maybe we dont take inventory maybe we stop at amends maybe we take a good run at the steps but we think we gotta have crock pot sobriety and we set it and forget it girl i gotta have some stir fry sobriete i gotta be doing this every single day right so in self reliance we stop doing the work we dont sponsor others we dont do this thing as away of life we dont ask questions we dont asked for help we stop showing up you know what I'm saying? We have that erosion and eventually we will relapse. God, remove my fear of relapse and direct my attention to what you would have me be. How can God-reliance overcome this fear? I see you, we'll do you. How could God-reliance overcome this fear? So how can? Well, I'm going to work these 12 steps as a way of life like my life depends on it because it does. Daily prayer, daily meditation, daily inventory. I'm going to do my four through nine housecleaning quickly and thoroughly. I am going to dive in, I'm going to awaken to the reality, the fourth dimension, the spiritual awakening, the psychic change. I'm gonna awaken to that. And man, when that thing starts to kick in, we can't help but give it away. But even if you don't want to give it way, we're gonna give it a way and we're gonna sponsor others and we are going to help them. But in this case there is no deeper level because if we do this work we will stay sober. If we continue to do this we will continue to stay sober. That is what is promised. Permanent contented sobriety contingent on the actions I take today. Go ahead. Wonderful. Fear of being deceived. Why do we have this fear? Because it's happened before, because it's painful, because I feel stupid. I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. How has self-reliance failed me? Well, I'm going to assume some of it's friendship, some of its romantic, right? So I build trust too quickly. I don't use discernment. You know what I mean? I'm codependent. I make my whole sense of value and worth tied to what I think they think of me. We just dive in to relationships. We're unhealed and we attract unheeled people and we seek out unheuled people. And it says, God, remove my fear. Oh, and I tie, attach my value and worth to the idea of being smart. And that, I want to say face, you know, that ego and image maintenance. I'm sure no one relates. God, please remove my fear of being deceived and direct my attention to what you would have me be. Surface level. Well, I'm going to do this work as a way of life. And as I get healthier, I'm going to attract healthier people, truly. I'm gonna use discernment. Discernment is to use our judgment without being judgmental, you know what I mean? And I'm wanna build trust and connection over time, which gives me the ability to be aware of red flags. And I's gonna be practiced in communication. And again, my relationships are gonna be about what I can give. And it's not that codependent giving. I'm gotta seek what I need from God. And as I do that, I become more authentic and more transparent. and that does attract people that are more authentic and transparent but the deeper level is even if we are deceived if we rely on God doing this work we will be okay and we will use that experience to help others I know I did that one a little quickly it's just we have three minutes and I have not given you any time is it cool if I do that somebody had their hand up back there we did one back there already yeah yeah and so yeah what we're going to do is we're going to so I'll just real quickly fourth column it's like that one our worth our value our foundation is no longer in people it's in God We're also going to go out and make our amends where we have caused harm. And as we do that sort of thing, we develop healthier relationships. And you're going to find healthier people in Alcoholics Anonymous and healthier people outside of AlcoholicsAnonymous as you get healthier. But your relationships are going to be about what you can give. Not that I'm giving so you like me. Not thatI'm givingso I've got a place to crash. You know what I mean? Because I would do that. I'm like, ooh, look how nice I am. Got a couch. It's giving and letting go. And the deeper level is, even if we're betrayed, even if we were deceived, even if we go through heartbreak and Alcoholics Anonymous, we will be OK. And what I will say, I'm so sorry I didn't give you a lot of time, is when I am facing tremendous pain, that tsunami of emotion, that tsunami of heartbreak, that's tsunami of pain, if I can be present to it knowing that if I get through this, and I will get through this because God's got me, with that vision of how can I help another person? And that gives my pain meaning and purpose. and we see that awaken in the 12th step. I'm so sorry. No, it's all good. I love this. I've never seen it done this way before. Hi. Doing good. Hi. Hey there. Welcome. Thanks, Paige. Thanks, Brian. Just got a couple things we've got to take care of here for the house cleaning. First off, hold that for a sec. I'm going to kick it off this time. Is that too last? All right.