The Self-Pity He Replaced with Gratitude – Franklin W.

Some of you here are not regular attenders, but you may wonder about this little dream book I've got here. This is our format, and it has been drawn up by some brainy people that thinks it's so simple enough that anybody who can read a little bit can conduct the meeting from this podium. Since I've become a member of this group, I think now they've decided that there's a two-fold purpose to the fact that anybody as mouthy as I am, it kind of keeps them from encroaching on the speaker's time too much. If I didn't have to follow this format, I'd be able to tell you a few things about Franklin that some of you don't know. Maybe some things we wouldn't want you to know. But I've known him ever since I've been in AA, but I'm not allowed to tell you that. He's been a true friend and an inspiration to me for 11 years, but if I follow the format, I'm not allowed to say that. I might say that he's the most, to my mind, the most respected speaker in AA that I've ever heard, and it seems a shame that I can't say that, but I am a member of this group, and I've got to do things like the other group members do and follow the format. So all I can tell you is our main speaker tonight is old Horton name. My goodness. Y'all don't pump a guy up. When I first met Howard, I was I said, that SD will never make it. And how right I was. I want to say something before I get started talking. I didn't see, I couldn't see from where I was, and it's not due to my age either, the number of hands that were raised that had 30 days or less of sobriety. If you don't mind, I'd like to see your hands again. That's great. How many in here with one year or less? That is fantastic. Really fantastic. I just want to say this to you now that you've ruined your reputation for the balance of your life by being associated with us and everybody on the streets will know it so there's no need of you doing what somebody suggested coming back just stay because you're going to be safer here than anywhere in the world It's really terrific to get with old friends again and, of course, to meet new friends. And one of the advantages of having been around for a good while is that you get to see so many people in various parts of the country during the 30 or 60 days of their survival. And one of those was old Boots. I was at Apache, Oklahoma when Boots was real new and I told some of them about it beforehand. He was around the edges of the building sitting on his haunches and he'd sit there all day and he didn't say anything. He was just teasing the joint and trying to figure out this bunch of sober drunks and every chance I'd get I'd go by and say something to him and he just grunted wouldn't say anythin'. Someday I got ready to leave I went by and said Bruce, I want to tell you goodbye. So I started off and he said come here Frank He said, I want you to go home and go to a lot of meetings. I want to get that big book about college anonymous and study it. And I want him to practice what's in that big book. When you do these things, then I'll see you somewhere. Now he was real new. And I've been trying to do what Boots told me. And soon enough, it has come to pass. I've seen Boots at many places. And the last time I saw him was in New Orleans at the International. He told me the same thing. But Boots is getting something out of this program that I haven't found, didn't I? Every time I see him, he's got a bunch of young gals around him. And I hadn't gotten that out of the program yet. So it's really great. I certainly want to thank the big book group for allowing me and Eloise to be a part of the Gratitude Weekend. A deal like this really pumps you up. the enthusiasm that's in this group it's just terrific and to see this many people young now of course anyone under 60 to me is young but you are extremely young and you're extremely enthusiastic and it's really terrific i'm an alcoholic my name is franklin williams by the grace of god to fellowship with men and women like you and because this program does work it hasn't been necessary for me to take a break today and for this i am most grateful having trouble breathing up here i don't know what to do I said I was an alcoholic I'm also a real alcoholic now there's a difference in my book in being a real alcoholic and what I hear some people say they're alcoholics and if you don't know what a real alcoholic is Well, see me after the meeting and I'll tell you where in the big books to read where you can determine whether you're a real alcoholic or not. I'm also an arrested alcoholic. In fact, I've been arrested many, many, many times. I don't really know how many times I've got arrested. But I wish I did because I didn't know it was going to be a thing a social vestige when I got this broken mouth and who knows, they may come up with a pension plan. And by not knowing how many times I've been arrested, I might miss out on some of my benefits. I don't ever want to talk without giving tribute to Al-Anon. Those of you that were Well, here last night I heard my high-power Eloise talk at length. But she is. So don't keep paying attention to them lies. No, I don't have a rebuttal because what she said was the truth. And really she didn't tell it all and she can't tell at all and I can't tell at that one time. As she told you, she came in to Al-Anon 10 or 11 years ago, something like that. I don't really remember the year. By the suggestion of a real good friend that she go to Al Anon. Now, Eloise don't do things on the spur of the moment. She's got to think a while. She's in the 18th year of a 10-day diet right now. So she's not one of these people that jumps into stuff. She's about to think about it, and that's bad for an alcoholic or an Al-Anon to think. But it's the best move that Jill made. and she didn't get to tell you the length of time what happened to this little daughter that was 10 years old when we married and grew to hate me. And that little girl used to point a finger in my face and said, you're not my daddy and you don't have a thing in the world to do with me. And he really grew to hit me. And Eloise and I wasn't too friendly as you could tell from what she said last night. and I didn't stay at home any more than I had to and she didn't either except to protect Nikki but after Eloise came into Al-Anon and got me to explain some of the Al-Alan literature to her and I learned a little bit about Al-Al-An myself and I think I got to work more on my program our house became a home and she didn't get to tell you last night but this little girl Mickey not a little anymore she's not young 31 years old she lives six miles probably and I go out there every Sunday that I'm not out holding services like I am tonight and have coffee with her and many times when I leave she walks to call it with put the arm around says frankly you're the only day that i have and i love you now that could only happen by the grace of god and fellowship of al-anon and a8 and she told eloise a year or two ago said when you refer to my real daddy you just refer to it as your first person because my real daddy is Christ. I think that those of us who have lost something possibly appreciate it more than people who have not lost something. I know that's the way it is with me. But don't you all not feel too smugly Well, dammit, we don't got you where you ought to be, and don't you forget it. The text of my sermon tonight is going to be to keep it simple and follow directions. And I heard someone else say, and I saw that it's hard for Howard to follow directions, extremely difficult for me to keep anything simple and to follow any direction it was and still is and i have real problems in this area but it wasn't until i began to get this proven triple and the follow directions that i had any success so in order to talk about this i'll have to bring in my father because they are the ones who made me keep it simple and literally made me follow dresses. And I'd call one of them's name because he'd gone on to the big movie, David Gates, the most conspicuous little so-and-so you ever saw, the meanest little devil you ever thought. And I grew to hate him. I really did. And when David died, I loved him as much as I'm capable of loving another human being. She is really a terrific fellow. And you say real ugly and nasty things to me. I think sponsorship in our area is a lost art. There's no more sponsorship, very little sponsorship like I have. It seems that people out there think that if they pick up a question, taken to a halfway house or a recovery place, that's sponsorship. That'll let them catch the bus or they can walk. That's not sponsorship. It's got nothing to do with it. So I'll try to tell you how I was sponsored. And I talk about this for two reasons. Hopefully and prayerfully that I will try to become the type of sponsor the day that was today and my present call is and hopefully and prayerfully that you too will be motivated to become that type of person I used to incidentally I am a member of the Quanta group in Memphis Tennessee and I've been a member of that group since January of 1956 my sobriety date is October the 15th 1966 now for the last three years I have also attended on a regular basis to Ollibrand crew in Ollibrant Mississippi and it was formed by two people and I didn't have a thing in the world to do with forming but I've been going to it since the third meeting that they had. The first two meetings, I was out of town. And in both of these groups, we do what you're doing up here. We study the big books. And in the Olive Branch group, we are point-closers. What's wrong with my breathing? We're point- sponsor. And the reason we do it is because some of us think it's important. I was appointed a sponsor when I came in, and I thank God I was, because had I been given the right to choose a sponsor, I would have chosen someone who still drank, but because I didn't come in this thing and get sober. And they appointed three sponsors for me. They sublet me. And I fired all of them, but David wouldn't stay fired. And we had a fellow in our group named Allen. And Allen had more degrees than a thermometer, but he couldn't stay sober. And he was one of these intellectuals. And he'd tell me, he said, Braggman, said, all is wrong with you is that your capillary is out of power, and you find the doctors can adjust your capillaries, then you can graduate. Well, that's what I wanted to hear. And I'd run to David, and I'd tell him what Alan said. Well I learned that anything he said to David he was going to ask me what the big book said about it. And, I had to either tell him I'd read it or not read it. It was easier to tell him that I had read it, so he said what's the big book say about it? I said, I can't find nothing there about it. He said, must not be of any importance. Says, if it was, it'd be in the big books. Says he must do this, he must do that. I said David Allen says there ain't no must. He says, well for your information, the word must is in the Big Book 74 times. And said this is one must I said, not in the big book, but it's supposed to be part of it. You must not drink. He said, rarely have we seen a person stay sober who continues to drink. I said David, that makes a lot of sense. Why haven't you told me this before? He used to take me to a meeting every night and when it wasn't a concert group about three or four or five times he'd talk I said, David, don't anybody else talk to the AASF chief? He said, nobody you need to hear. So he took me out to a group one night, and he said, now this is a closed meeting. And I didn't know the difference between a closed reading and an open meeting. But I sure wasn't going to ask David. So we got there. I said,"Are you going to talk?" He said,"No." I said,'Everybody's going to tell us.'" I said, am I going to talk? He said, if they get around to you, they may call on you. So I got out and he said, wait a minute. I'm going to give you some directions. That's more of this direction vision. He said if they call on me, he believed in action. He believed when you said something, get on your seat. He said that if they called on you, you'd get on your seat? You say you're an alcoholic? Your name is Franklin Williams? you remember the Quonset group and sit your behind down said you done told them people all you know I said David I thought he said oh no said that's the worst thing in the world that a new alcoholic can do is think said you remember this said don't you forget it when you came to this program And your mind was broken and said it might be stable to use it. They said, we'll do your thinking for a year. At the end of a year, if we think you'd think, we're taking you to think. And that's the way it was. And I still think it's good because I don't think an active alcoholic or a new member of Alcoholics Among Us has got to do this thinking. Because if he does, it's not a decision to make. Invariably, it'll be the wrong decision. I'd take the path of least resistance. And it was good for me. I said, David, if I had what you people had, now they all had nice threads, and they had wheels, and they hade that scratch in their pockets. I said David, If I had had what these people got, I knew to stay sober. If I had a wife and all this, he said, he knew where everything was in the big book, but I read to him for five years before I knew he could read me. And he said turn to page 98, and he pointed down there at the middle of the page, and said read that. and I read it and he said what does it say so I told him then he said turn to page 99 on the other side and I read that then he turned the page and said read this old page a hundred I read and he said what does it say I said it says same thing he said I know it he said what did it say I said it said wife or no wife job or no job. Our sobriety does not depend on others, but a little further down, but in our willingness to trust God and to clean house. And David said to put it in there three times because the old saying that some smart ass like you is going to come along. And you'd miss it on page 98. But you're sure to see it on 99 or 100. Now, he was a kind, considerate little fellow. And I suggest that if you get a sponsor and after 60 days you like him, you've got the wrong person because he's not telling you the truth. And as I told you earlier, I could and must, David, for a long, long time. Another thing I believe about sponsorship, get you a sponsor who has worked the steps. And I think that's important. And the reason I think it's important is hire someone who hasn't worked the fourth step going to tell me how to work the fourth stuff you can't no more teach what you ain't learned and you can come back from where you ain been and it's just that simple there's a lot of bad information going out lately i don't know where they get it where it originated it didn't come from the big book and i think it's good to get a sponsor who is involved in a big book study group because that sponsor is going to know something about the program of our policy knowledge. And if you get a sponsor that tells you something to do, ask him to show it to you in the big book and if he can't show it to you the big books, tell him go to hell and you get you another sponsor because that want to ensure it has peace. We are dealing with a terminal illness, and this bad information is worse than no information, no information at all. I can sum up this whole ball of wax as far as I'm concerned with six words. Trust God, clean house, and help others. Now, I'm going to try to back up what I say about the big book. So where do I get this? I'll get part of it from the last part of chapter 11 of Asia to East. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him and to his fellow. clear away the wreckage of the past. Give freely of what you have found and join us, and surely you will meet some of us as you tread your road to happy destiny. And then didn't Bill say, let us burn into the consciousness of every new person that they too can get well if the tough God can clean house? And didn't bill also say that the surest immunity against not drinking is working with others. So trust God, clean house, and help others. And I start every day with those six words. And then I enlarge on it because I was taught to do that as a matter of simplicity. Now we didn't have this 24-hour book in our group when I came in. I have nothing against people using it if they use it as a supplement to the big book. But we wouldn't have it because David said it wasn't conscious-approved literature. So I had to get me something that was simple to start the day with, and that's what I used to get started with every day. I didn't know about the mental obsession, the physical allergy all of that David had me to read and explain it to from the big book and he used to tell me always he said the most important thing in alcoholic synonymous is to surrender and he just kept talking about surrender surrender and I'd say David what in the hell are you talking about he said surrender He said, you've got to surrender to the fact that you can't handle alcohol. You've got surrender to the fact you can manage your life. And you've gotta surrender to a power greater than yourself. I said, how do you do it, David? How do you do it? So he hadn't let me read anything, but he gave me a pamphlet by Dr. Thiebaud The Act of Surrender. He said I want you to read this because it'll confuse you. And it did. I don't believe Dr. Tebow knew what he was writing in that. I sure as hell didn't understand. But he said, one of these days, one of These Days, if you live long enough, which I doubt you will, you're going to wake up some morning and you're gonna decide that that alcohol has beat you as much as you want it to beat you. And if you've gone just as far down as you can, and you're going to realize that you can't run your life. And the way you've been doing it, the way You've Been Doing It has gotten you where you are. Instead, you remember that your best faith has got you to this place where you're at. and said, when you realize this, one day if you live long enough, you're going to fall to your knees and make a surrender. And that's God's help. So again, I had to get me something simple that I could understand. And I thought about it when I was in college. And I'd like to tell you I went to college so you'll know I'm educated. And Eloise says I'm educated way beyond mind-telling. But I thought about a boy we had from Sullivan Power, and somebody asked me to tell this, they didn't have to ask, but I was going to tell it anyway, named Red McGinnis. And the more I tell this story, the bigger Red gets. So I don't really remember how big he was, but it seems like he was 6'2", or 6'3", weighed 220 or 230 or something like that. He had arms that came down below his knees and his wrists were way along up here. He had the most tremendous hands any man ever used. He had long, bushy red hair. And I made a mistake one day of swatting off the Red McGinnis in the grill. And it was almost a fatal mistake. The Red McGynnis would knock me down. And every time I tried to get up, he'd knock me back down again. And I never laid a hand on Red McGännis. But he darn near killed me. And if Red McGnnis would walk in this room tonight, there's no way in the world I'd say anything smart to Red McGinnis. Now, this was in 1928. That was a long time ago. But I hadn't forgotten. I unconditionally or absolutely unconditionally surrendered to Red McKinnis There ain't no way anywhere you could pay me to say something smart to red McGinn. Now, that's a surrender. And if that's too complicated for you to understand, you get you something you can't understand. But that old alcohol did exactly what Red McGinnis did. It just beat the living star out of me, and I surrendered. I might tell you another way you could surrender. You pick you out the toughest Marine sergeant that's been in there about 20 years that you find and you walk up to it and call him every kind of S.G. you can think of and tell him you never have liked those damn Navy men and you see what happens I believe he'll stomp you through the ground and if you live and can get up I believe you'll surrender to that old Marine sergeant. Now, that's what a surrender is. Now, if I could tell you how to surrender, I wouldn't be here tonight. I could make millions and billions of dollars. But if I Could Tell You How to Surrender, I wouldn' t be on this earth either because I'd be up there with God. Me and God would be running this place. So thank God that we keep telling you how to surrender. But it's just something that happens within when you get enough of things going the way they are and throw in that towel and get on your knees and honestly ask God for help. And I've never heard of a prayer uttered in desperation that was not answered. And I think this thing of surrender has to happen with each and every one of us before we make any progress in this deal. I don't talk much about drinking, and the reason I don'T is because the book don't tell me how to drink or how not to drink. But it tells me a heap about living, how to live one day at a time. So I'll only mention my last drunk. I'll tell you when I started, I started drinking when I was 16 years of age. Now, I'm seeing people come in the program now at the age of 16 that fuck with as badly as I did is when I came in at 45 and I suffered. I came in, I started drinking at 16 for the same reason. I imagine most of you did, to be a part of, to being accepted, and thought it was the thing to do. And I think I was an instant alcoholic, and I drank for a period of 29 years until I was 45. and during the last 10 to 15 years I don't remember I was on wine on wine altogether unless you offered a free drink or something else because I drank anything if you gave it to me but if I had to get out and hustle the money well I bought wine and I preferred wine and i believe if I start back drinking today within 24 hours I'd be back on the line. Because it did something for me and to me that nothing else ever did. I tried as hard as any man ever tried, I believe, to drink and not get himself. I've tried as hard, I believe, as any person ever tried, to stop drinking. And I absolutely could not. I was absolutely powerless over alcohol. And, I reached that same point of loneliness, and that same part of feeling of guilt, and that feeling of uselessness, that feeling of being not being wanted that feeling of being rejected that any other alcoholic does and that loneliness my god that loneliness is something and the fear the fear of the unexpected not knowing what was going to happen but knowing darn well something real bad was going to happen so i know the feeling that all of you have had because i experienced it why did i come to the program of alcoholic thoughts this is a suggested program and a judge suggested that I'd come. He gave me an alternate plan. He said I could either go to the pill farm for nine months or go come to Alcoholics Anonymous. And you know, I had to have a group conscience with myself to decide which to do. And I decided that I had more to offer you people than I did the people at the pedal farm. So that's why I graced you with my prayers. So you know I came working people, and it didn't work. And for a period of nine months, I drank. And I went to just enough meetings to let my ex-wife, we wasn't divorced at that time, but we were separated, to let her know I was coming and to let certain people that I was trying to con into a job know that I was going and the church. At the end of nine months, I got on the most important drunk I ever got on and I don't think it was nearly as bad a drunk as many others that I'd been on but it's the drunk that got me to my knees and I Don't Know How Long I Drank Nor How Much But I know I drank just enough. I think one drink more would have been too many, and one drink less would have meant one drink too few. So I think I drank a lot. I drank up to nothing. And I think our God here is just at the right time. Excuse me, I've got to pull off this coat. I'm having trouble breathing. I don't know what it is. Yeah, hot flash. Yeah. Thank you. I think I got here just at the right time. At the end of this drunk, I decided to take my life. And I had borrowed an automobile and I'd stolen a piece of plastic hose and I hooked up that hose to the exhaust of the car. Now before this, I had written a suicide note. My sponsor David had given me a yellow legal pad to write my inventory. So I got to writing this suicide note saying I'm going on, you can have everything. I had it all on, just blah, blah, blah. And I don't know about you when you're drinking, but I just loved to cry. AndI was living in Gratis in a garage apartment, and this lady had an old grapple phone that she wound up and had one of these horn speaker deals that came out. And she had a record of Al Jones from Sonny Boy. and I was the best crying musician and she had some of this old hillbilly music and I'd put that stuff on and cry and write the suicide note and about half way through the record well the thing would slow down and I just slowed down my crying to keep time with the music and go back over there and whine that thing then speed up my crying and write on that note And I cried so much that tears dropped down on that yellow pad, and it got to where the pen wasn't right. So I drew an hour up to the top and said, See next page. And I tried all I could try and went on out to the car and started the engine. And a peculiar thing happened. I got thirsty. And I got to thinking about that little spot of wine that had left, and what a cruel thing to leave this world and leave that drink behind. And I went back and polished off that drink. And another peculiar thing happened. I passed out. Now, I waked up. Now, hear this. I wakened up and said, it's coming to me. between 1 and 1.30 the morning of October 15, 1956. And I waked up clear of mind. Now that's a miracle. And I've talked to ministers and doctors about this. And they say it's not uncommon for us to have this period of clarity or this moment of truth just before we die. and many times a decision that we make determines whether we live or not. Well, I don't know that this decision had anything to do with me living or not, but I fell to my knees and I had what I call a surrender. Now let me tell you something else about that dread in getting surrendered. but another reason i tell it is that it's still meaningful to me my sponsor taught me to talk to myself someone asked me to talked about this tonight he said that there was a little franklin in me that caused me to get into trouble i was and I had to subdue this little Franklin and talk to him and get him back in his place. So at times, I'll take my wife over and try to run it. And so I'll go over in the corner and say, Little Franklin, me and you got to have a talk. You done got me in a hell of a shape. We got to help a red McGinnis Corunda. Now, I know what a red McGinnish Corunda is. Little Franklin I think knows what it is. So we surrendered, and we turned this thing back over to a power greater than us and myself, which today I call God. So this thing is still meaningful to me. Well, I had that surrender on my knees that early morning of October the 15th, 1956, and I like to refer to it as a red-beginner's surrender. and I admitted that there's no way in the world that I could keep from drinking alcohol and there's no way in the world that once I started drinking that I could handle alcohol therefore I was powerless over alcohol I admitted I'd done the things I hadn't intended to do and I'd left undone the things I did intend to do therefore my life was unmanageable an unmanangeable life is just that simple to me. Now, my life is unmanageable and I can't manage it. It makes sense that I turn my life and will over to this manager. And that's what you told me to do in step three. And I knew before this manager I didn't understand was going to move in my house I had first cleaned it up. And now I remember that's why she told me to do this from steps four through ten. But let me back up. I got in bed and slept soundly. Now, why no like me don't sleep soundly? I slept soundly till around six or six-thirty that morning of October 15, 56. And I went to the back door of this place I had lived in and asked if I could call David. And when I did, David was over there in a very short time. And he sat down on the end of that bed and told me many things about David. But most importantly, I told David many things about old Franklin. And He said two words which in my opinion saved my life. He said I understand. No one else had ever told me that they understood. But I knew from the looked in David's eyes, that he did understand. What you do is you get on your knees and tell God the truth. You tell him you don't understand me, but you have a lot of friends that are able to communicate with you and that he has done a lot for these people. And these people tell you that if you'll do those things, he too will help you and you just tell him that you're going to report the duty of a martyr and for him to tell you what to do and give you the strict instructions to do it and I started doing that didn't believe it in vain but David said it don't make a damn whether you believe said the book don't say anything about whether you believed or not the book says we come to believe and I have come to believe since then that the two most important things about prayer is first, to start doing it. And secondly, is keep on doing it and if you do it long enough well, you'll come to believe and that's what happened to me. I came to believe by doing it You don't have to believe that cast oil away You go to the action of taking that cast off And by damn, it'll work. You go through the action of prayer and keep on doing it. Keep on doing this, and it'll wait. It'll wait with me, and this will wait with countless thousands of others in this program and maybe many others outside of this program. But I know it'll works. So they sent me to the pebble farm, and I knew there was no way I was going to get out. Now, as I say, I'd been going to AA just barely for nine months. And I got out there, and then I knew I had to have this program. And I asked the warden if we might have a group so he'd be glad for us two. He knew David. I asked him if he'd call David and let me talk to him, and he did. And David and two others came out and started the group at Pendle Farm, and that group is still there. And I'm privileged to go out there some nights and hold meetings. But I tried to sober up every drunk that came to that Pendle farm. I even tried to stoke up the warden that he didn't even have a drinking problem. But it's good for me because it kept me busy. And David would come out every Saturday afternoon, hold a meeting. He'd come back on Sunday to visit me. And he'd show me in that big book what to do. He'd give me assignments. And I'd have to read it. He'd get me a test on it when he came back. And I got to work on the program. And when I got out, I knew it was going to take a long time to get a job because the only way I knew anything about you had to be bonded. And at that time, I couldn't be bonded, so it took a long time. And I ate around A.A. Club. We had noon meetings. I went on to bring sandwiches and cookies, and at night they'd have eat-and-eat, and that's what I ate for a long while. And I'm not saying this through self-pity. I understand that if you become willing to trust God to clean the house and to help others, you stay sober in this day. And as you do these things one day at a time, other things will happen. So finally I got a job. Then finally I Got a Better Job. And so on and kept getting better jobs for a good length of time. of time and i went along for a period of between nine and ten years of not drinking and i'm talking about this for my own benefit i'm talking about it for you new people i'm talking about yes for people who have been around the program for a good while and are beginning to feel restless and irritable and discomfited that the doctor talks about that you don't have to feel that way and all i do is share what happened to me what i did and what happened as a result so i went to david one night and i said david i've got to talk to you he said i know it but i've been trying to approach you on this several weeks But you had a wall built up, and I couldn't get through it. He says, I've been praying that you'd either come to me or go to somebody else before you got drunk. And said, God has answered my prayer. He said, can you make it till Saturday without drinking? And I said, yes, I can, David. He said, well, we'll go out on the lake early Saturday morning. So we did. And David asked me a lot of questions. And he had me to read certain things in the big book. And we talked and stayed there most all day. So he gave me some assignments. He had already told me that Monday night before we went out on Saturday to go home and to study the doctor's opinion. He said, that's the most important piece of information we have in the book because it tells you the nature of your illness. And don't just read it, but read it and reread it and study it. He said after you do that, really study the first four chapters and said this is the reason I want you to do this. And he had me to turn to chapter 5 after the ABCs. I think they were read, and I won't go into that at the same time. But it said, Read the first few lines of that next paragraph, right after the ADC. It says, Being convinced, we are now ready for step 3. So David told me what I was convinced of was of the ABC. see you. And what are the ABCs? They're the first two steps. David said, you don't take the first few steps. According to this sentence, you become convinced of it. And said, the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters will convince you that if you're an alcoholic and you cannot drink successfully and can't keep from drinking, and if you can't manage your life. And then of the second step, you'll come to believe that a power greater than itself can restore its design. Instead, you've already had to accept the power that's in the quantum group as a power great than itself. So I studied that. We went out on the lake that Saturday, as I said, and he went over these things with me. And he says, now you're ready for step three. And he had me to read what it says about step three, and you know after being not drinking for almost ten years, I didn't know that Bill suggested that we take the third step with another human being, and I didn' t know that bill suggested that we offer a prayer. So I took the third steps with David, and he had me to read the 30-step prayer. And after I read it, he said, Franklin, I'd like to hear it in your own words that I think God would too. He said, kneel down here by this log. Let's kneel Down here and you tell me the 30 step prayer. Tell God in your word. And this is about what I said. God, I offer myself to do as do with me as I will. Relieve me the bondage of self that i may better do thy will take away my difficulties so that victor over them may bear witness to those that i might help as our love i'll say this is thy way of life may i always do that with i looked down at david i was large in the teeth and tears were running down his cheeks and tears are running down mine and i embraced david and told him i loved him the first time I ever told a man I loved him. Now, some seven or eight years prior to this, David told me that he loved me. And I didn't have the guts to say it, but I thought, you're one of those kind, are you? I know what he was doing. He was seeing what my conception of love was. And it was entirely different. He said, if you're all right up to now. He said, I think I know where your trouble is in the fourth step. He said do you know why you're supposed to take the fourth step? I said I know what the book says about it. You're supposed to examine what we have to get rid of the bad blood cells. He said that's not it. He said you want to take the fourth tip so you can take the fifth tip. He said there ain't no way to take the fifth dip until after you take the fourth. He said turn to page 72. He pointed at the bottom of the page and said read this you know the top of page 73 and this is not what franklin said this is not what david says this is what bill says in his big book it says those who do not take this vital step talking about success do not relieve their alcoholism invariably they drink again they haven't learned enough for honesty and humility discern it by telling it all to another human being and the word all was in italics and dave said when something's in italic this is part of it he said that's the reason you want to take the fourth step so you can take fifth so we got into the fourth test and he had me to get over there and read and find the three areas of my life to examine and i found that that those areas are resentment, mafia, and sex. He told me to go home and take that legal pad and put the heading of each one of those on separate pages and said it'll take more than one page on resentment and it may take more then one page or the other, but listen. He said now turn to page 65 where the format is for resentment It had me to read prior to that and self-discipline was the root of my trouble. And then it said resentment is a thing we can't afford. It kills more of us than anything else. So he said, turn to 65 at the format and see how to put out your resentment. He said, the first time you took your first test, you wrote a life history and you came to me with part of it And I saw it, and I tore it up and told you it was a damn lie. It said you didn't take the fifth step with me, you took it with a professional man, and the reason you did is because you could lie to him, and you couldn't lie to me. But it said this time we're going to build a firm foundation, and we're gonna have plenty of concrete in it, and it's gonna be substantial, as the book says. And we're gon' do it just like the book. So he says, in your resentment, You want to find out why you had this resentment, what effect it had on you, and what the end result was. It says just to write a life history, don't do anything but increase your guilt because you don't find out what's wrong and what caused it. And I believe this. So it says in that format, I resent Mr. Brown. Why? because of his attention to my wife. What effect does this have on me? It affects my security, and it affects my sex life. And what is the end result? And if you remember, the end results on all of those, the emotion that's affected is the little four-letter word, feel. So he said before you go in the parlor, turn to the 1212, in the explanation of Step 4. In the first paragraph, it reads me the three God-given instincts. It says I want you to use these in the column, Hide Effections. And I found that the three God-giving instincts are an instinct for sex, an instinct for emotional and material security, and an instinct for companionship. It goes on to explain these are God-given, therefore they are good. But any time these are abused or threatened, why then I get into trouble. And it says any time your prime object in life is to satisfy your basic instincts, then you are in trouble. And he had me to read the seven cardinal sins in the explanation of the fourth step. And I'll only mention one, pride. And it says there's no mistake that pride comes first. So I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about by threatening a God-given interest. Suppose I want a new car or a new home or any material thing, and I don't get it. Pride steps in and says, Franklin, you are a hell of a fella. You're a hell of a nice fella. You deserve this. I don't get it. Then Phil steps in. So Phil is going to be the end result of everything. I personally have found that the greatest tools that I know of in finding out what's wrong with Franklin are the three basic incentives. Now let me give an example of the basic instinct. Go back to that resentment on Mr. Brown. I resent Mr. Brown. Why? Because of his attention to my wife. How does it affect me? Which basic instinct does it effect? It affects the first one, sex. It affects the second one, emotional security. It affects the third, companionship. Everything I have ever done that caused me into trouble is through abusing or threatening one or more of the God-given anything. All right, it says that any time my prime object in life is to satisfy a basic instinct I'm in trouble. I have another way of putting it. any time you try to satisfy a human ego you're in trouble satisfy a human ego there's no way in the world to satisfy human ego I always tell this story old boy at home loves fish drunk or sober and he's going late in the year and he stopped by the mineral place and this man's minerals were dying and he'd given him all the minerals he wanted. But the old drunk says, how much are your minerals? And the man said, all you want for a dollar. He said, give me three dollars worth. Ain't no way to satisfy a human ego. What drunk ever had enough money, enough whiskey, enough sex, enough power, anything? So what has Franklin found out about Franklin? I've found out that self-discipline and self-centeredness is the root of my problems. I've find out what my character defects are. I've have found out how to recognize them. I've had found out what causes them. I've hound out that what causes me is trying to satisfy human ego. I've haund out what the end result, the end results is here. So my problem is ego, and the end result of it is sin. So I can understand why there has to be a deflation of ego at death just to get rid of my problem. I can understanding why a solution to a spiritual illness must be a spiritual solution because faith is the only antidote for sin. So those three basic instincts are the greatest tool I've found to find out what's wrong with me. And I went on and listed my resentment. After my resentments, I put it on the begrudge list of people that I had harmed. Then I listed my fears. And then I got into my sex deal. We don't talk much about that in AA, but there's a whole lot about it in the big book. And I suggest that if you're on the fourth step, get into that. So it says examine your motive, whether you're selfish or not, and to pray about it, and the right answer will come if you are sincere about it. So then I went back out on the lake after I'd written this inventory and took the fifth step with David. I hear people say that during their lunch break they took the sixth step with somebody. Well, they didn't have as much wrong with him as I had wrong with me. It took me all day. And I don't know whether we got through what he said or not, but we really did take all day and I told it all in the pilot to David and David took much of his fifth step with me when I took mine with him. And it was great for me because it reduced guilt in me and let me know that another human being thought and acted like I had done. And people with whom I take, who take the fifth step with me, I take a lot of my fifth steps with them at the same time for the same reason. And then David had me to read in the big book after I'd taken this fifth test, what to do. It said go home and get in the quad place and examine the first five suppositions, that is, the first four steps, and see if you've left out anything. And if you haven't left out any fact, well, then you are ready for steps six and seven. You know, four steps are explained on one page in the book. on page 76, steps 6 and 7, and steps 8 and 9. So David had me to read what to do in steps 6 to 7, is to become ready to get rid of my stature defect, and when entirely ready, dumbly ask God to remove it. And I read the only thing that I could do in step 6 would pray for willingness to become ready to get rid of me. And then as I got ready, I asked God to remove me. Now all of this may be controversial, and I'll give you the right to be wrong on it. But this is what I think happened with me, has happened with my life. What's happened with getting rid of my character defect? I know when you're looking at me, you realize I don't have any character defects. The only character defect I have is procrastination, and I'm going to start to work on this tomorrow. But I haven't gotten rid of my character defects I mean God didn't remove my character defect I think what happens I don' t think God will do anything for me that I can do for myself I think God has afforded me the opportunity to practice the opposite of that character defect. For instance, there's no way I can have self-pity and practice humility or practice gratitude. If I'm practicing gratitude, I can't have self pity. So I think that God has given me the option to practice it and so on with the other. and as long as that pendulum is swinging to the right these things over to the left are not going to bother me but you let me stop practicing these over here and then it's going to come back the other way and i don't i don' think i'll ever get rid of all my character defects and the reason i think this is because i'll never completely get rid ego if i could completely get really ego, I could completely get rid of every character defect. But I pray to God that he'll never remove all of my character defects because I don't know who I'd associate with. I think I'd get kind of lonesome without having some people with some character defects. So then the book says, I hear people say, I don' t know when to take such a step. Tell they don't read the book. The book tells you when to do it. You take one step after you finish the preceding one and the book points it out. So then I was ready for step eight, make a list of the people I had harmed. David had me to read that I made this list in step four and I did. And he said, and the books said, the only thing you do is pray for willingness to make amends and I pray for this willingness and in step nine I made direct amends. And I can honestly say I've made all them amends that have come to my conscious mind except when to do so with any of them or others. I'll make this statement without any reservation The first nine steps of this program will surrender anybody who takes them. I don't care whether you be agnostic, atheist, Buddhist, or what. But this program is so designed that if we do these, if I do these first nine sets to the best of my ability, I will surrender. How do I know this? Because this is what happened to me. And because of what the Twelve Promises on pages 83 and 84 say, which are immediately after the ninth step. In the last of these, we'll suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. And if you'll read Appendix 2 in the back of the book, and it says that many of us think that a spiritual awakening is simply the awareness that a power greater than us is doing for us what we couldn't do for ourselves. And that's exactly what he's talking about in these promises. And old Joe down at Tyler brought this to my attention. Other than those 12 promises after step nine, there are thirty-seven other promises after the steps. A total of forty-nine promises in the steps alone, besides other promises throughout the book. But did you know, and this is interesting, there's no promise made after the first or the second step. There's no promise made after the sixth or the seventh step. All of the promises come after the other eight steps. Those four steps are faithful steps. All the other eight steps are action steps. And wouldn't we be in a hell of a shape if we practiced that think, think, and think. Nothing happens after thinking. It all happens after action. And if Bill had intended for us to take, he'd have left out that chapter into action and put there in the thinking. And wouldn't we be in a hell of a shape if a million and a half alcoholics got to thinking at one time? It's dangerous for our kind of people to think So I am convinced that there's no way in the world I can think myself into proper acting. I've got to act myself into, into proper thinking. And that's the way this program is divided. Continue to take a personal inventory and when wrong promptly admit it. I heard when I came in that if you take the first nine steps, you can throw them away. You can make the program on the last three. I don't know where they get there. The book don't say it. Now, I've taken many fourth and fifth steps, and the reason I do is because of the release and the relief that I get by doing it. Another reason that I've done it, on pages 51 and 52 of the 12 and 12, the old 12 and 11, not the new one. It says the taking of a four-step inventory is but the beginning of a lifetime process. So if the book says that, I believe that. So I have done it. And another reason I do it is because I think the longer I'm attempting to work these steps, the more honest I'm becoming. And things are coming into my conscious mind that have been buried in the subconscious for years and years. Now, I hear people say you can take care of that in the 10th step. Well, maybe you can. I couldn't. It's been necessary for me to go back. I think God only lets me see a little of myself at a time. When I do something about that, he lets me say something else. So it's necessary for me to go back and start at the beginning. I like an attempt to operating an automobile. There's some daily things I've got to do to that automobile. check the tiles, put water in it, radiate the water in the window washer and the battery, put gasoline in, oil in, change the oil. But ever so many thousand miles I've got to have a major overhaul and so it is with mine and little Franklin's class. We've got to go along there and we get into some trouble and we got to call on the master mechanic and have another red mcginnis surrender and start back over and do a major overhaul and it's worked real good for me that way for a number of years and until i can find something that's better and after i let you try it a long time i might try it but right now i'm too happy with what i've got to want to change So, start through talking and listening to God to improve my conscious contact. This means I've had a previous contact and I'm sure that there ever did in steps two and three. Praying only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out. I've been retired, as Eloise told you, for nearly four years And I've learned more about prayer and meditation than I've learned in the balance of my life. I have to spend a good deal of time in recliner because I have some physical problems, and I'll lean back there and start my day after I get her off the way. Start that day with those six ways, then I'll pick up the big book, read something out of it, or the 12 and 12, or put on a tape that I've got of the big books or the 13th or the tradition. And I'll get to thinking about what happened to Howard, what happened with Boots, Rod, Olato, and different ones that I know. And I think, my God, the power, the powerfulness in this program. None of us could do this by ourselves. And now with the aid of this power that I call God, there are tremendous things that have happened. And God is doing for all of us something we couldn't do for ourselves. And I'm awed at it. I'mawed at the power. I can't understand this power. And I am not supposed to. If I could, I would be as big as God. But I recognize that it is. So one of the greatest things I've learned in the 11 steps is that God is. In the first of the books, Bill says God either is or he is not, and I know that he is. David had me to look up words. He had me look up believe, and believe says to rely. So I'm coming to rely on the forgiveness of God for yesterday and the grace of God tomorrow. And that only leaves today. And the big book tells us that the problem ahead is never greater than the power behind it. And I have another way of putting that. there's no limit to what i become in this program i'm not where i was i'm not where I want to be but I'm not here as far as I can get because I'll never run out of God the problem ahead is never greater than the power behind and that's a comforting thought to know that there's no limit to where I can go if I become willing to trust God, clean house, and help others. And the more of this that I do and the more that I try to get my will to coincide with God's will, the further I'm going to get. Everything in the third step changes except the decision. I didn't know what my life and will was. I know today my life is my actions and my wills, my thinking. And if I act myself in the proper way, then my thinking is going to somewhat control what my actions are as long as I maintain my spiritual condition on a 24-hour basis. So having had a personality change as a result of the first 11 steps, I practice, I tote this message and practice these principles. Tote what message? I want to have one message to tote, and that's the spiritual awakening as a results of this first 11 step. It's the only message any of us have to take. Joe McQueen here, that many of you know, explains it better than anybody I've ever heard. And I'm getting tired of giving Joe credit for it. Well, here on, I'm going to say Franklin said this, but I didn't. Now, Joe said the greatest carrier of a message was Paul Revere. He rode through the countryside saying the British were coming. Now, he said that they could have sent Ben Franklin. but Ben Franklin was a philosopher and Ben Franklin would have probably stopped along the way and told, now I do this about your marital problems and I do that about your sex problems and so on but no, Paul Revere gave a simple message, the British are coming now Joe didn't say this I say this the message took care of itself when Paul Reveer told them the British were coming Them catching you the whole ass. So, so it is with us. When I carry a simple message of a spiritual awakening as a result of the first 11 steps, the message takes care of itself. And I don't have the ability to advise you about your sex problems, your marital problems, your financial problems, your legal problems. The only message I have to tell you is that one simple message. And if I can stick to that, me and the person that I'm trying to share the message to both get along well. Our closures always do. That's my football story. And it ain't much of a story, but I just like the way I tell it. and I haven't heard it tonight and I want to hear it again I like to think that the God of my understanding is saying on the beat of night Franklin I'm getting up a football team and I need you to be the quarterback I'm going to give you three men in the backfield that you lost during your active alcoholism and I'm gonna give them back to you in the reverse order in which you lost I'm goin' to give ya hope, faith, and charity And the lion will give you seven powerful men that you were introduced to in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. At the two ends, I'm going to give you honesty and humility. It's two titles, patience and tolerance. It's the two gods, unselfishness and gratitude. And it's the center of willingness. Now, it would be necessary that you use willingness on every place. And if you use these men, they'll block out resentment and self-pity and intolerance and patience. All this stumbling blocks will cause you so much trouble for the first 45 years of your life. This game's going to last a lifetime. There'll be no timeout. So I'm going to have to give you some ground rules. And I'm not only his coach, but I'm his sole official. The indecision I make shall be found. So these ground rules are the Ten Commandments. And the first four of these commandments have to do with your relationship with your manager and your coach guard. And the last six have to deal with your relationships with your teammates. Now, the ball is your eternal soul and the goalposts are the gates of heaven. Now get in there and play ball. I need each and every one of you in my search for truth in this game of life. And I thank God for the program of Alcoholics Among Us because it's my manager, God, that directed me to you. And it was you who introduced me to my manager and my coach, God. And if you don't believe this program or what it is, just keep it simple and follow directions. And if You don't Believe that God will help you, just ask Him. Thank you, and God bless you, and it's been a pleasure being with you. Thank you. That's a pretty powerful message. I really don't feel like I can improve on it, so I'm not going to try. I'm just going to tell you that AA has no dues or fees, but we do have expenses, so we pass the basket to help defray these. If you're new or visited AA, please do not feel obligated to contribute. does not talk until collection is complete. It's now birthday and chip time. We celebrate various periods of sobriety every week at our meetings. At this meeting, we define sobriete He is abstinent from all mind-altering chemicals. I have asked Mike G to give out our chips tonight.