The Psychic Change That Made the World Bearable – Bill C.

About This Speaker Tape

1965, Los Angeles. A young man pulls his car out of the driveway and waves goodbye to the parents he hates with an intensity that drives his life for years. Bill C. spent his youth as an "AA brat," watching drunks collapse on his back porch and bringing them inside before his father got home. He spent the next two decades as a phony—a biker who couldn't ride, a surfer who couldn't surf, and a tough guy who was a physical coward. He chased nirvana through heroin, LSD, and gin, eventually landing in the Oregon State Mental Institution after losing his house, his cars, and his family.

By 37, he was a 300-pound wreck with a gimped arm and a liver count in the gutter. He hit bottom at 5:00 AM in a Cadillac, terrified and alone. He found a sponsor who was a "Nazi" and told him to resign from the debating society. Through a "complete psychic change," Bill stopped trying to be unique and learned to be just like everybody else.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bill B. opens with a story about the traffic nightmare of getting to the meeting.
• 4:15 Childhood memories of being an 'AA brat' and seeing drunks in the living room.
• 10:20 The 1960s scene in San Francisco and the transition into heavy drug use.
• 16:45 The 'phony' biker persona and the descent into the Oregon State Mental Institution.
• 24:10 The slow progression of alcoholism and the 'booming dead silence' of his marriage.
• 31:00 Hitting bottom at 37: the physical wreckage, the Cadillac, and the call to his mother.
• 36:30 Meeting his 'Nazi' sponsor and the challenge to drop the 'addict' label to be like everyone else.
• 42:15 Step 2 and the struggle with a Higher Power; the 'debating society' conflict.
• 47:50 The first naked prayer in the bathroom and the start of the Fourth Step.
• 54:20 The Fifth Step on the beach and the 'leap of faith' in sharing secrets.
• 61:10 The Ninth Step: making amends to his children and the reality of his son's hatred.
• 72:00 Laughter: Story about driving a homeless alcoholic to a halfway house in the Cadillac.