The Fifth Step and Its Promises – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 14 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

We left off on page 75 last week talking about having just finished our fifth step so I'd like to go over a little bit of that again just because there's some instructions there and there's some wonderful promises that just, you know, if you haven't done your fifth step yet, you know get ready. You know what I mean? Like talk about being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence and we're about to get just that you know. So it says right there in the middle of the page, it says we pocket our pride and go to it. And we learn in the fourth step that pride is how we want the world to see us. Okay so it's really important to take that and put it in our pockets and say alright you know what I'm just going to, like, do this because my pride has been getting in the way and killing me for a long time. So we go to it, you know, and he says, illuminating every twisted character, every dark cranny of the past. And whoo-hoo-hoo, right? And every time I think of that, I always think of, I can't help but think of Thomas' English Muppets, you Know. They did a great job at their marketing, you know. Every nook and cranny, you know that's where the butter gets to, you know? So we need to get all that butter out now so we don't die from cholesterol or whatever. So you need to illuminate that and get that out, right? So now here's some promises, right? Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, so now there's a condition there before we get this. We are delighted. Like how cool is that? We just told somebody all our crap and we're delighted. Right? We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone and at perfect peace and ease. Like that's a huge promise. You know what I mean? that feeling, like, even in recovery and in sobriety is like that. I could be alone and at perfect peace and ease? You're full of crap, you know? So, that's a great promise that if you're going to do that, that you could just sit there and, like be peaceful and be at ease and, look around, there's no one there to, like jungle for us or do whatever you know, I'm bored, you're not I'm not? That's pretty cool that's what's going to happen if we do this right? It says our fears fall from us. No way! That's impossible, right? I challenge you. I promise you. It's awesome. We begin to feel the nearness of our creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. those are just some amazing miraculous promises that do come true I promise you that I've experienced them, I know other people who have these are real promises and the nice thing about that statement we may have had certain spiritual beliefs so we had knowledge without proof we knew something was going to happen we didn't know why, we didn'T know how but then we start doing things we make decisions to turn our thinking in our lives over to the guidance of God as we understand Him. So by doing that, and then next we launch out on a course of vigorous action, and we do that personal house cleaning and we write down our grosser handicaps we want to get rid of them. And now, we just did that with another human being that we trust. Because we're on this life and death errand, that if I don't do this I'm going to die. Or I'm gonna drink, and for us to drink is to die, and that's how it works. So now I'm on this place, so I had this belief that, alright, yeah I have a belief in something that's not human, it's not me. It does stuff in the world, it does stuff for other people, it does tough for me. I'm not really sure why or what's up. And then once I do this fifth step, it tells me that I'm going to start to now have an experience of that. I'm gonna feel the nearness of that, that's gonna be even closer to me because it was like, you know, it's always out there somewhere and it's almost evasive. And now as the result of this, it is invasive. and it's internal and I'm connected to it and I start to feel that and now I'm experiencing that I wake up in the morning and I think like oh, I start to see things differently I look at stars differently I look in the moon the sky sunrises sunsets people things like that you know, you see like a flock of birds and you look at them completely different now and that's you know those little things they're little experiences they're all spiritual experiences because it's not all about my morass of self-pity you know oh my god I gotta get a word you know and so it becomes this thing of like well i'm going to work that's pretty cool i'm employable today you know like that's kind of a blessing you know that's that's a spiritual experience right there you knowand and that starts to happen and uh the feeling that that drink problem has disappeared oftentimes right you know because now i start to have that that turn that alcohol is not a solution for me anymore you knowbecause at the beginning i talked about that. That was, like I'm a solution drinker. That's my solution to everything. I feel something I don't want to feel. Do you need a drink? So now I'm feeling something and now I'm sending a question. What's that I feel? What's this feeling? Get the hell out of here feeling. Feelings aren't fresh. So it becomes that stuff. So now I've done this. So now I'm excited because see for me as somebody who takes people through this process, I'm always excited. I always love watching the lights come on. I see it in people's eyes they get there and have this stack of crap with them you know papers out here you know that they were probably having feelings oh I can't believe this or I hate that person oh my god I can not believe I did that and I did this and you know and then that process of saying alright well what did you leave out what didn't you tell me about here you know and this past Friday I had this wonderful brand new experience brand new experience in recovery this is so cool I sponsor a guy he is sober 11 years right and he is sober 11 years So that's exciting for me because it was the first time ever in the history of my recovery that I actually got to hear a fifth step from somebody who was recovered. That's really cool, because usually it's the people who are dying that I get. You know, I'm that helicopter pilot, you know, like next stop is death or the asylum if you're not doing this work with me. That's usually what happens with me, so to have somebody who's been through the process and now they're, you Know, because they just celebrated their anniversary and they're taking stock in their life. You know, he's taking care of his business of himself because it's talked about that in the fourth step that a business who doesn't take a regular inventory usually goes broken. He doesn't want to go broke. He doesn'T want to be spiritually bankrupt because then his mental and physical problem will probably come back. So he likes the fact that he's walking on the broad highway. So here we are, we're talking about this and it's just this wonderful thing happening. You know like, here's somebody with 11 years of recovery you know, knows some stuff about themselves and has that same feeling of like I don't really want to talk about this right and just knowing that feeling knowing that feelings and seeing that in the person's eyes some will call them that and being able to pull that out you know and now we're walking hand in hand on the broad highway with the spirit of the universe you know, and then I get a text from him today, he's like, hey so what did you see you know what was apparent to you and I told him because it was very clear to me because I identified with it and I was able to tell him and I gave him some feedback and I said does that make sense and I get this response of like yes thank you so much it wasn't like go after yourself I'm not listening to you anymore it was gratitude that I got in return right so being on the other side of it is really just so cool and miraculous and a gift you know so that's something you can look forward to when you're on the front side of when you are on the side of like you're emptying your life and you get rid of all the crap and all the stuff that's bogging you down and blocking you off from the sunlight and the spirit all this stuff remember these promises are going to come true for you and then eventually on the otherside of it you're going to watch them come true for other people so it just keeps regenerating it's this really cool spiritual alternator if you will so then we move on and we have more instructions that we have to do and it says returning home, we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour so that's an instruction and a time period 60 minutes an hour it's a long friggin time if you're an alcoholic especially to just be quiet because that's the instruction be quiet for an hour does that mean I can't put music on? you know no be quiet I can be quiet I'm going to be quiet got all this stuff in my head be quiet trust me that's that's a tall order if you're an alcoholic So what do we have to do? We have to be carefully reviewing What we have done It says Now there's some more instructions And a prayer We thank God from the bottom of our heart That we know him better Right? It's real simple It doesn't have to before you Thank you I know you better Wow I just finished up here Isn't that cool? So now here Taking this book from our shelf We turn to the page Which contains the 12 steps That's 58 In case you don't know Am I wrong? Yeah, 50 years. Carefully reading the first five proposals, we ask if we have omitted anything for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Right? How cool, right? I'm saying that on this day. How cool is God? Believe me, I didn't plan that. I was on this step four weeks ago. in my plan. So here we are today, of all days, that I'm walking through an arch that I've built. A free man at last. And why? Because remember, we had a key to our future back in the fourth step. Right? We turned back to that list because it held the key to your future. And we did this fifth step and we were able to do all this. We admit to ourselves and to God. We're about to admit to God and we already admit to our selves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Okay? And in order to be free, we need to be free of those things. So we're about to do that with God. Now I said, have we omitted anything? Now, omission is a lie. It's not telling the whole truth. Right? Nobody else does that, just me, right? It's kind of like, here, I'll give you a good situation. A real life situation. You ever like show up someplace and you're like in this new relationship with someone and they may see somebody of the opposite sex like whether you're a man you show up with a new woman and they see a guy oh hey how are you and you say hey what's going on there oh we're just friends we're the other way women say who is she oh she's just a friend of mine now that is the truth at the moment because they are just friends but what they're omitting is that you may have had a torrid love affair with that person or they may be ex-lovers, okay? So that will create a situation where that other person starts acting a certain way towards the new person and they're wondering why. Well, if you're just friends, why are they acting that way? Why is he saying things like that? Why has she given me a dirty look? Well, because you just lied. You lied, that's why. Instead of saying, well, we're just friend now, we used to date. See, so now that's the truth and somebody's prepared for what's coming. So we do that stuff all the time. We admit, we omit facts. And then we pay for it. And why do we omIT facts? Because we're driven by self. Right? We're selfish and self-centered and we'redriven by fear and we'RE driven by self-seeking and self delusion and self pity and I don't want you to judgment or self-judgment and all this crap. Right? So now we need to look at that. Have we omitted anything through the first five proposals of this program? Have I admitted I'm powerless over alcohol. Have I fully conceded to my innermost self that I'm an alcoholic? Have I removed any sort of reservations I may have or that one day the working notion that one día I'll be immune to alcohol? Have I done all that? Have I admitted my life was unmanageable? Have I gone through page 52 and all the bedevilments? Have I looked at it? Am I having problems with personal relationships? Am I afraid of my misery and depression? Can I control my emotional nature? do I feel useless can I earn a living am I full of fear am I unhappy all these things right that unmanageability have we looked at all of that have I made that decision that second step proposition that God is everything or God is nothing he either is or he isn't what is our choice to be am I willing to believe that there's something greater than me that's going to restore me to sanity did I admit that I'm insane in the first place did I say oh well you know I keep doing the same crap over and over again Expecting different results. Did I do that and say, yeah, that's me. I'm insane. Okay, that thing I don't really believe in, I'm willing to believe that. Okay, I have an eager compliance for that. I'm giving you the cheerful choice because I want to be well. I agree that I'm going to any race for victory over alcohol. So now I'm thinking, and I think well, that I am at last ready and I can at last abandon myself utterly to that thing that I think is going to restore me to sanity and I make that decision or I say this wonderful third step prayer and ask God to relieve me of the bondage of self and take away my difficulties and give me victory over them so I can show you people that that I'm bearing witness to of God's power God's love and God's way of life and that I am doing God's will and if I am doing that if I make that decision well now I got to go and do some rigorous action and it is painful and it's gross and I am there and I'm doing the fourth step and I hate him and I think I hate her and I hate you and I'm doing all that it's painful and I talk about my fears and I am not afraid of anything I am afraid of everything and I start to write all this down going oh my god my life sucks and everything is killing me and I didn't harm them they harmed me first their harm is worse and I write all this down and I get it all down on paper and I look at it because I want to be free of it and then I trust somebody that is going to save my life and I just did that and I went through an entire day because you know I talked about this not like 10 minutes and done with your fifth step. Like this guy, you know like I just told you this man's sober 11 years he's recovered he's a recovered alcoholic for 11 years and we spent four and a half hours doing our fifth step and it wasn't that the long early you know first fifth step that's usually nine to ten hours because you're prepared for a long talk and you're telling some of the human being your entire life story that's what that's where they're talking about did I omit anything? whew right, that's a lot so now, guess what is our work solid so far are the stones properly in place right, did I knock down that old dilapidated building, you know, that we're trying to blot out the miserable existence the best we can or did I accept spiritual help and bulldoze that some of this to the ground and let's get rid of it and lay out this nice smooth foundation Did I lay my cornerstones in place? Did I do that step two right? Did I build that to the keystone? Do I have that third step with my locked door? All that stuff. Did we skimp on the cement, put it to the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? Because, you know, we can do that all we want. We can say, oh no, I'm powerless over there. Oh yeah, I also under that. But I grew up... Oh, there's my ride. I'd really like to, you don't know, ah, you never know what I ask. I'll do this for now. you know, but I'm going on vacation you know in the islands and I have those Bahama mamas there and I know I want one but so so I'll just stay sober for now for now because you know it's a one day at a time program just for today you know so can we answer to if we can answer to our satisfaction we then look at step six right we have emphasized willingness as being indispensable Have I emphasized that enough in 14 weeks? Because if not, I can emphasize it some more. I can continue to do that. It's a cheerful choice. Eager compliance. You know, the opposite of how I am with going to the gym. Do you want to go to the gyms? No. Not really. Okay, I'll go. You think I'm going to walk on the treadmill with that? I may walk into the gym, where's the bar? right because that's like a typical alcoholic we walk into the you know the bar just got no alcohol and we still want a bar we're walking to the gym I'm not here to exercise I'm here for you to make me fit right so I want to know where the juice bar is and sit down and put the game on you know and then start talking crap about it I used to how good I was at playing that 20 years ago you know and so because I'm not willing I'm not eagerly compliant I'm not cheerful about it right because we need to be that way we need to be that way because what's the alternative miserable death troll under the bridge you know because most of us like that because we know that we're familiar with that we're comfortable with that keeps people away I'm not going to get hurt if I'm that and then we're dying we're died right so it's indispensable so now I'm like okay I'm ready I'm really ready I'm going to go yes okay alright no I really don't want to drive to Neptune to sit at your kitchen table and listen to you talk some more, Tim. No, I really don't want to... Okay. No, you're right, youre right, youre Right, yes, no. I want to do that because I'm tired of being sick. So, like, that's a better alternative than being sick, okay? So, so that's indispensable, right? Here's another question. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things we have admitted are objectionable, right ? So that's what this process... We admitted that this crap that we just told another human being is objectionable. It's not good stuff. It's non-asset-less. It's gross or handicapped. You know, things that are gross aren't an asset unless you're in the business of making horror films. You know? Like, oh, that's gross. Cool. We're going to get on the war for it. That's not this. Can he now take them all? Every one? All of them. All means all. Doesn't mean, well, Almost all except that one. I like to keep my anger. I like it, you know, because it keeps me driven. It drives me to succeed. You know, I need to have that. Oh, I like my sarcasm. It makes me funny. Right? These are the things that are there. So can he take them? Every one. And here's some more instruction. Because we know we don't have that, right? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us to be willing. Oh, there's that word again. Willing. Cheap little choice. So that's a lot to consider in that quiet hour. Right? Which is why I always like to find out where people feel the most spiritual. You know, if you have a connection to God, your God, higher power, there is usually some place that you feel most connected with that higher power. Like, for me, like, the beach generally does that for me because, you know, ocean and that feeling and the sound of the waves crashing. And there's really not a lot of control that I have over any of that. So it's pretty... You know, God's there. I can't... You know what? When I moved to California, I drove across the country and I drove around the world and I rode across America. And when I got to, like... Kansas and Colorado, just all this God was there. And I was like, yeah, man, anybody who doesn't believe in God, they should just drive through America. And you'll see God all over the place. You know, so I usually try to find out and then we go there. And then you go and spend the hour. So like, I mean, I'm fortunately situated where I live nine blocks from the beach. So if you feel close to God, yes, right up the street. I mean that'd be convenient, you know. So if your lazy alcoholic would want to do it, that's convenient to come and do it with me. So I can hook you that way, right? You know so it's there. So you spend that time And now you're taking all this grosser crap that you got. Now, after you've done that, you come back and you sit with me and I ask you, how do you feel? How do you deal? Because, you know, we're concerned with feelings. You know, we don't want them to run our lives, but we're concerning with them. It's important to recognize them and identify them because those are the things that lead us to being restless, irritable, and discontented. And where are they coming from? And if we're having feelings that are negative, remember we just spent an entire day talking about things that we re-feel. Okay, so when we talk about that feelings aren't important in AA, that's kind of like a misnomer, you know? Like, we shouldn't be driven by our feelings because obviously that's what's going to kill us because resentments are the number one offender, right? It kills more alcoholics than anything. Re-feeling something that is remorseful or harsh or harmful and fearful, like, that's goingto kill us. But we need to recognize them. We need to identify them. They're so important to identify why would you put them down on paper? That's how important those feelings are. Right? So it's really important to recognize them and identify them, because now we're about to give them to God. Because only God can remove what's wrong with us, because we've been trying to do it our entire lives. If I could only just get that right job, if I could always find the right mate, if only I could make enough money, if only... I was six foot. I mean, I've been tried to be six foot tall my whole life. not working God stopped me at 5'8 you know tough that's all so I have resentment against God because I'm the cause of I'm 5' 8 so so now we have all of this right now the funny thing is now I gave those those packets those four step packets right so here you keep your four step neat and organized and orderly right and it always amazes me that, like, when alcoholics get sober, like, it's really important for them to keep shit neat now, you know? Oh, it has to be neat now. You know, meanwhile we're drinking and we're like, wait! We're rifling through clothes over here and grabbing, you Know, nothing is neat, you know, and if it is, that's just an illusion to keep people not bothering us about the drinking that we're doing over here, so. So now they have this nice stack of their resentments and their fears and their harms all put together and I take them and I spread them out I'm like, look at this. Look at all this crap. And they said, well, what do you want to keep? What would you like to keep, right? And if you're honest, you don't want to keep any of it, because you just spend all the time getting it out of you and just, you know, all that. I don't wanna keep that. None of it. It's like, well that's good. So now let's say this prayer. When ready we say something like this. Hey, lookit that. Colon. my creator I am now willing that you shall have all of me good and bad I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding amen we have then completed step 7 That's a lot of work, man To get to that point It's miraculous to get to That point. We need a God to get To that point.We're not going to get To that Point without a God And if you do, you're full of crap I'm going to tell you that straight up I'm upset Because you know If you've had a spiritual awakening You've had A spiritual experience And you have a relationship with God You can see other people who don't They can't fool you They can fool each other You know They say You know Fake it till you fake it Well what do we fake What lie Until you can tell the truth And that's what Fake it until you make it Right Meeting makers Make it No they make meetings That's what they make They don't make it I don't even know What it is What is it You know It is what it is You know Trying to look crazy So now and here's what's important about step seven is prayer I now give you all of me good and bad right I always talk about this, this is one of my favorite things like if you watch professional sports and you watch the outcome of games and they interview someone who's like you know they had a major part in the outcome winning the game well I'm thankful and I'd like to give love and respect to Jesus Christ or to God. They usually say things like that. You always hear that, right? That's a very common thing. Just once in my life I would love to hear the losers saying, well we were in the game until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team. It's just like Pisarczyk. I would love to have Pisarcyk say it. Wouldn't that be great? Well what happened when you fumbled? Jesus said it. wouldn't that be great because what happens is if you're anything like me you're very willing to give credit to God for all the good things that you are right and then you have a hard time with giving credit to God for the bad things well if you believe that God is everything and God is nothing and God Is right then the bad is part of who you are anyway god wants the bad in you so it's supposed to teach us lessons it's supposed to draw us closer to god so if we're doing things that are bad and the outcomes are we're not learning from it we're going to continue to do bad things and we're gonna continue to be driven by self-will so if you don't recognize that things are bad when we give it to god we're to continue self-deluded and think that fear is healthy. Right? Remember we talked about that way back in Step 7, that it's an evil and corroding thread and the fabric of our existence is shot through with it, so let's pretend that fear is good. No. We did an entire inventory on fear. How could it be good? How could something that's blocking us from God be good, right? So if we're willing to give all of that to God, and we're asking God to remove every single defect of character that stands in my way. So it's really up to God what gets removed. You know, I'm working on my character defects. Really? What is it that you're doing? What are you working on? Well, you know, not being selfish. And how exactly are you doing that? Well, I've gone to meetings. Well, isn't that about you? You start challenging those beliefs because that's what it's about. It's about our belief system. It's a belief system that's about what am I doing for someone else? You know, way back on page 20 we talked about our very lives as ex-problem drinkers or ex-alcoholics depend on our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. And that's what we just said. God, grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Right? Strength. Your bidding. Those cats that got off those boats in Normandy, man, they definitely asked God for strength and courage to do his bidding. That's like, that's amazing stuff. Like, that is powerful stuff right there, man. You know, I don't know if I could get off that boat. If you asked me today, I couldn't. But, you know, it is about God. You know we talk about the serenity prayer all the time, right? What are the first three words of the serene prayer? God grant me. It is not me grant me God. You know it is a grant. It is something that never has to be repaid. I'm giving this to you free of charge that's pretty cool God's given me strength, free ofcharge but it's not free, we know it's Not Free we've got to do some work and most of the time the work is getting the hell out of the way not being ourselves right? not being Tim is generally like that's the work if I get out of my way and let God use me the way God wants me to, I'm always fine at the end of the day when I sit down and I do my daily review. I'm looking, oh, do I owe anybody an apology? Oh yeah, I know them. I'm able to do that stuff, right? So, and then it's been said, and I don't know if I necessarily agree with it yet, more will be revealed, that this is the completion, the step seven prayer is the conclusion of the step three prayer. Right, if you put the two of them together, if you go back to page 63 and you look at it, and we start with God I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power thy love, thy way of life, may I do thy will always. My creator I am now willing that you should have all of me good and bad I pray that you now remove from me every single defective character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows grant me strength as I go out here out from here to do your bidding. Amen Okay so if you're struggling with how do I pray well there's a very simple alcohol synonymous based way of doing it that isn't particular to any particular god or any particular religion and will help you with your relationship with your higher power so and like the irony I think little cool little things we're on page 76 and 76 is always kind of equated with a year of freedom, a year of independence you know, spirit of 76 we're free, we're independent overthrowing bonds of tyranny whatever you want to do but the nice thing is that 76, if you want to know where steps 6 and 7 are they're on page 76 it's cool how God makes that happen 76, 6 and 7 thanks thanks for being with me ok so now he says now we need more action without which we find that faith without works is dead now that particular statement little alcoholics anonymous history that was Ann Smith's favorite quote from the bible comes from the book of James you know it's outside issues but it's inside issues because it's part of AA you know so that's what she likes she'd like to say you know faith without works is dead so you know if I'm just sitting in my dark room praying that the lights come on and you know I'm not getting up I'm trying to go out and work and get a job so I can pay for the lights to come on you know her faith is kind of dead right there so it's cool so now he says let's look at steps 8 and 9 and here's for the lazy alcoholics like me who like shortcuts, I like shortcuts don't you? it says we have a list of all persons we have harmed to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it, but we took inventory! Ha ha, yeah! So if you did your fourth step right, you did you eighth step. Isn't that cool? We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. So we're praying again. Remember it was agreed at the beginning by talents. We would go to any length for victory over alcohol. Any length to be recovered. Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look over the list of business acquaintances and friends we have heard, we may feel diffident about going to some of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To some people we need not and probably should not emphasize as a spiritual feature on our first approach. We might prejudice them. At the moment, we are trying to put our lives in order, but this is not an end in itself. Key element right here. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. Yet another example, shining example, that this is not a selfish program. You know, because we can't be selfish and like fit ourselves to God, and people about, it just doesn't jive. It is seldom wise to approach an individual who still smarts from our injustice to him and announce we have gone religious. In the prize ring, this would be called leading with the chin. Why lay ourselves open to be branded fanatics or religious boars? We may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial message. But our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong. he's going to be more interested in a demonstration of goodwill than our talk and spiritual discoveries right, we experience that in AA don't we? people who talk about how spiritual they are you know, and then they're giving people the finger in traffic and cheating on this and cheating on that and cutting corners here and not giving the full day's work all that stuff that they're being hypocritical about, and we're like that Like, we're looking for that stuff. You know, alcoholics especially. We're looking for your humanity. You know? How dare you be sober ten years and not be levitating? And God forbid if you hit twenty and you're not like you know you don't wake up from a church tower. You know what I mean? So it's it's tough. You know it's rough to make sure that we're trying to demonstrate and get in the trenches and not be on a spiritual hilltop and not talk about how spiritual we are, and just do. Just do the spiritual things, right? We don't use this as an excuse from shying away from the subject of God. When it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions with tact and common sense. How many times did we hear that? And that's a big argument in AA, unfortunately. You know, I mean, AA is all about God. That's it. I can't even count how many times I've read God, higher power the whole point of the 12 steps is to have a spiritual awakening as the result of them, okay, so it's about God, you know, but you hear that, especially in the middle of the road meetings you hear that, there's too much talk about God and hey, hey don't scare away the newcomer well good because drinking will probably scare him back right, you Know it's about tact and common sense and that's why it's so important that we build up that confidence, that we have a message of depth and weight that we know what we're talking about when it comes to drinking, we know what we'RE talking about when it COMES TO WHAT IT WAS LIKE you know, that's what I was talking about speaking commitments when you go out and stand at the podium your story shouldn't be what it was like, and what it WAS like and now I'm in AA thank you you know we're supposed to share in a general way what it was like what happened to bring us here and what it's like now as the result of doing this sharing our experience strength and hope of our recovery right not like you know like I remember there was this time you know with the cow you know and that's what happens right because we get that laugh right we can say hey oh cool I'm on a roll you know because we want to be out and tell a good joke you know And sobriety isn't funny, right? Well, send them to me. Don't I make sobrietry funny? Don't i make recovery funny? I mean that's like We have fun here every week We're always joking and laughing here And we talk about God In factlessly here It's wonderful Like God's funny He made the platypus That's funny Okay the question of how to approach the man we hated will arise and maybe he has done us more harm than we have done him and though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him like we don't want to punch him in the face anymore we are still not too keen about admitting our faults nevertheless with the person we dislike we take the bit in our teeth it is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend but we find it much more beneficial to us we go to him in a helpful forgiving spirit confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret so here's where it's really important to have a sponsor because generally when we hate somebody and we want to take the bit in our teeth you know, the bit that we bite down on so we're doing this you know I really want to kick you in the crotch right? But I forgive you. Well, it doesn't work, does it? Because they may not even know that. Okay, so that's why we need to kind of run stuff by somebody who's not affected to find out what it is, right? And he says under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Simply tell them that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the test. We're here to sweep off our side in the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so. Never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result. So there's an eight-step promise. Right? But there's conditions to it. If I'm being open, like I'm not being closed off, I'm having control, and I'm just keeping to the facts and here's what's going on. You know what? Like, I'm having a hard time. I have a resentment toward you because something that you said caused this problem in my life and it affected my pocketbook in such a way. It affected my relationship with this person in such way. It made me feel bad. It made you feel bad about myself. You know, it made me look bad in front of this person. You know? It got in my way of, you know, really... So, I need to... I really need to, you know get rid of this and I need apologize for using you to keep myself sick and to continue to drive myself with self. I need to do that. I hope you can forgive me because you're renting space in my head and I'm giving you an eviction notice. That's a very simple event. About nothing. About nothing other than somebody annoying you. Somebody's existence on this planet. Because if you're anything like me, the existence of most people on the planet annoys you on a daily basis. Right? Especially the people who get your coffee wrong. First thing in the morning, they're not getting my coffee right. I need my coffee. Don't you understand? If I don't have my coffee, I can't go help people. Right? You know, so it's really important to have somebody that we check things with. So he gives us another promise here. He says in nine cases out of ten, the unexpected happens. Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his own fault. So feuds of years stand melting, standing melt away in an hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies sometimes praise what we are doing and wish us well. Occasionally they will offer assistance. It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of his office. We have made our demonstration, done our part. It's water over the dam. Now I have a story. Because of this process and being ready, you know, like Step 9 talks about that. And the wording, you Know, I was entirely ready. I became willing, right? I had a list of all persons I had harmed and became willing to make amends for them all. So I stood in readiness for whenever that was to happen. And Step 9, the wording of that saying, made direct amends to such people on that list wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. Right? So now wherever is a time-place condition. Right? And I, you know, if I'm trying to create the wherever, it's still me running on self-will. Okay? So I have to allow God to present that. So we all know about social media. At least most of us do. So the old one, right, that was popular, I found this person with whom I knew to make amends, my first amends list, right? That I knew when I was 20. And I reached out and I said, oh, I don't know if you remember me, which is always a funny thing when I say that to people I'm like how do you not remember me right for better or for worse you're going to remember me and she said of course I remember you how are you so I told her I said well this is what's been going on you know I'm sober now I don't drink the way I used to I'm not that same person I was I said why don't we get together for coffee I got some things I need to discuss with you sure great so she comes and she makes me some coffee we're talking and I'm telling her about my life and where I'm at and I've been listening to her and her life and she's married and she has a son and all this and I was just thinking wow that's wonderful so I said to her listen you know the things that went on between us you know I was wrong with this and Iwas wrong with that I was like is there anything else that you can remember that I did that you know hurt you she said well no not really those were really the ones and I thought okay I said well how can I make it right you know because that's what it tells me to do I need to right the wrongs you know that's where the men's is like the amendments to the constitution you know there were things missing so we amended it so it was right okay so now I'm in a place where I'm like okay I'm standing ready here I am, I'm ready God created this and I'm sober 15 years at the time so I said what can I do to make it right and she says you can sleep with me I said what? she said yeah you can sleeping with me I said listen you're married she says yeah but we have a terrible marriage I said, well, that's not my problem. And she's like, well yeah, you know, he knows this and that, and I'm like, who? I'm not listening, you don't need to sleep with me, you need marriage counseling, you know what I'm saying? And um... So, so she's, like, insisting, like that's what would make it right. Like, listen, don't you understand, like haven't you been listening to me? Like, I'm that same person that you knew 15 years ago when I probably would have done that, right? that's not what God wants me to do and if I do that it's hurting you it's hurt your husband and probably your son right so well then I don't accept your amends and your apology I'm like well I'm sorry to hear that so I get a call from her husband an hour later and he's yelling at me whoa whoa whoa slow down chief I said first of all nothing happened I said secondly your problem is not with me, your problem is with your wife. Go get marriage counseling. Nothing happened. Right? So many changes. I appreciate that. So a couple of years go by and she finds me on the new social media. Hey, how are you? Oh, I'm okay. I thought you hated me. You don't want to be my friend. She said, yeah, that was terrible. She admitted her loss. That was terrible I'm really sorry about that. I was in a really bad place with me and my husband, and we've started to work those things out, and I'm very sorry. So I was very grateful that God had allowed that to happen in my life. Now, fast forward about six months ago, because we became friends. We're still friends. And six months later, six months before, she was going through some stuff, and I sent her a message, and she responded, but it wasn't her. was her husband, just on me. And he's helping me. What's going on? And I was able to be there and support him. Right? And not only was I there to support him, but he accepted help from me. Like, that's miraculous. That kind of stuff is miraculous. So, you know, so when she was through her difficult day talker, I said, yeah, no, it was pretty cool. She said, oh, yeah. He tolerates you now. I said what? Tolerate? And I'm like, you still really? You still got that? She's like, listen, you have to understand that anybody who is an ex he hates. So like it's really big that he tolerates you now. That's like a big move. And I thought, oh, that's pretty cool. And it's all the demonstration of this program. Not that I'm this wonderful human being, but that I did the right things when the right thing was done. The right things were presented because God was in it. Not because me. Not because Tim was doing it. Because God presented those things. And I was willing. I was eagerly compliant I was making cheerful choices those are beautiful things those are promises that happen that go on right so now the next thing you know he talks about money alcohol is only money um the thing that I want to point out here it's like in the middle of the paragraph the next paragraph it says arranging the best deal we can we let these people know we are sorry which is kind cool, you know, because that's the loophole for us right there. You know, it could be daunting if you owe somebody like $10,000. You know? Because you can't go and say, I know I owe you $10.000 but I don't have it, but I want to make amends and so it keeps you up at night, right? So you can discuss it with your sponsor and you can say listen, here's what you need to do. You can go to them and say listen, I can give you $100 now, and I can give you like $50 a month until it's paid off, and then like tack on interest. And see if they're okay with that. You know? And sometimes they are. Most of the time, they are! You know, because they realize that getting something and if they get, you know, that's kind of like free income. Because most people, when they give large amounts of money, they write it off. It's like, I'm never getting that back. And so somebody actually says, really? You're going to give me $50 a month? Okay, cool. Yeah, that's great. Fabulous. What do you do? Oh, you're not drinking anymore? Oh, man. You're not being that person anymore? Oh, cool. Excellent. Right? So it becomes these things, right? Then there's criminal offenses he talks about. You know, like I talked about my experience with that and, you know, talking to my priest and, and, you know he was quiet so far, you know. So on 79 he talks about the importance here. He says, although these reparations take innumerable forms there are some general principles we find guiding. reminding ourselves we have decided to go to any length to find the spiritual experience it's the same thing, keep saying it we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences may be so those are the instructions we may lose our position or reputation or face jail but we are willing we have to be, we must not shrink at anything ok, so it's still really important to have a sponsor that you can trust with all these things to have some guidance so you know he talks about ex-wives and making reparations there and that sort of thing and the healing that happens as a result of that because that's really the important part of doing the meds you know there's this thing that goes around in AA you know what other people think of me as none of my business well obviously it is if you're doing amends because we're trying to set right our things for that person we care about what they think about us because what will happen is that their lives will be healed as a result of us making things right you know people like high school stuff we live in such a world today that there's really no excuse for it, unless somebody's dead. And even then we have a way to do that too. You know, we have letters, wehave graves, wehave indirect amends, you know, that I'll talk about a little further next week, that happen that we can do because we're trying to live, uh, we're tying to put stuff back into the world instead of taking it out. We're trying to be jibbers. You know,we're tryingto give other people their freedom. And as a result of that, we get ours. because it's about freedom freedom and the bondage of self that's what we're trying to free ourselves from the bondages of self not like alcohol because that's only just the symptom of it that's a benefit that we get freedom over alcohol so like I said next week I'll go over some step 9 stuff and then we'll get into 10 and 11 and some promises there great promises coming up big promises huge life changing promises so that's it for this week thanks