The Fear of Being Ordinary – Michael L.

About This Speaker Tape

4 For Recovery VIII - 2020

Portland, Oregon, was where Michael L. began drinking with purpose at age twelve, initiating a slide into high-functioning chaos. He describes a trajectory of professional drinking that eventually collided with a luxury apartment in a foreign country where he spent 25 hours locked in a room with bourbon and boxy. Michael dismantles the illusion of his own power recounting how he was thrown out of his house by his father and ex-wife—a moment he now views as a rescue party. He works through the mechanics of the 12 Steps specifically the tension between his religious background and a true spiritual experience. He maps out the danger of grandiosity and the 'bondage of self,' using a recent professional failure where his vanity cost him a job as a concrete example of why the work of the steps must be a lifelong process of fitting himself to be of service.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and mention of 'Taco Tuesday' (TALKO Tuesday).
• 4:15 Michael L. qualifies by describing his inability to drink socially at the Cosmopolitan hotel.
• 7:30 Discussion of 'alcoholic death' and friends who died on barstools.
• 11:00 The 25-hour bender in a foreign country and the subsequent loss of his business.
• 14:20 Step 1: The introduction to the concept of powerlessness in rehab.
• 18:45 Step 2: The metaphor of the actor and the priest reciting Psalm 23.
• 22:10 Steps 6 and 7: Humility as a byproduct of gratitude rather than an achievement.
• 26:30 Step 8: The willingness to list financial amends and the subsequent 'unblocking' of unemployment funds.
• 31:00 Step 10: The 'spiritual program of action' and the need to watch for selfishness and fear.
• 35:40 Step 12: A story about grandiosity and losing a job due to a lack of 'constant thought of others'.
• 39:10 Closing with the Fifth Step promises and the definition of sponsorship as 'amusing the baby until AA works'.