The Doctor’s Opinion and Craving – BB Study 1 – Part 2 of 2 – David L.

So, about six lines down, it says most emphatically. Most emphastically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems. So God's not limited to directing alcohol. The limits are those that I place on God. In the light of our experience, so where's the experience? In the book. In the books. Can recover. Is there any cure to addiction? Absolutely not. Absolutely not? so in the face of a disease that has no known cure that's a pretty bold statement there must be some conditions provided it is a conditional word he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts since I'm here to apply a spiritual solution to a physical and mental problem that has none known cure that might be important he says you can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance which means that I don't want to hear what you have to say or belligerent denial if you say that again I'm going to get mad then you just have to be as smart as a houseplant we find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program the houseplant knows to turn to that which sustains it or it dies and why do I make it so hard willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery but these are indispensable which means they can't be done without cannot be done with out. So if I need something and I don't have it, how do I get it? Ask. So I don' t have any power and I dont have these conditions so I need to ask this power to help me get these conditions. Father, help us to be open to all spiritual concepts. Keep from us any attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. Grant that measure of willingness, honesty and open-mindedness we need as we seek your truth through the path of those who laid it down before us. Use me, Father, as your instrument to carry your message and not mine. Amen. So we're dealing with spiritual principles. Spiritual principles are? Truth, so it allows the government to speak. Yes, sir. And? The world of the Spirit is equal absolutely. So what do we mean by that? That you can't lie, cheat, or steal from God. Right. so why not take an honest inventory I'm doing inventory with somebody last night no, Tuesday night and she was mad because the boyfriend wasn't doing what she thought he should do with her kids and on the other end of that it was Christmas or some holiday and his parents weren't doing what she thought they should do with the kids either. And the inner workings between those two sets of relationships was, well, does it hurt you when your kids aren't treated the way you think they should be treated by your boyfriend? Yeah. So we got some parents and I said, well, did you harm them? No. I didn't do anything to them. Really? but you guys broke up and you hurt their son so when you hurt their son don't you think you damaged that relationship oh but wait well isn't that the same thing you're talking about with your kids it can't be on one hand and not on the other this is the world of the spirit it's equal absolutely if you want your cake you must eat it too it's got to go both ways you can't have one and not have the other. Make sense? Okay. So, we have up to this point completed the first seven steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous in this book study. The first seven step. So who can break down the first step for me? There's coffee over there. All right. So where do we get the first step? We get the first step from the doctor's opinion. That's where we get first steps, right? So the first step in the doctor'S opinion, he says that I have this phenomenon of craving. I'm allergic when I put something in my body. It doesn't happen to 90% of the other people on the planet but it does happen to me. Once it's in, it's on. But once it's and it's on now if it was just physical then don't put it in right I mean if I'm allergic to other stuff I stay away from it right if I am going to die from a bee sting I don't run around looking for them but that is exactly what I do with drugs and alcohol so there has got to be something more than physical there has got to be something wrong with the way I think about what they are doing for me because that is what really believe. I believe in what I think they're doing for me, but I don't want to recognize what they're doing to me and everybody around me. So an obsession. What is an obsession? The thought or idea that overcomes everything to the contrary. And? The thought of a lie. And? I act on it. Yes! Perfect. The thought or idea that over comes anything to the contrary. The thought or idea is a lie and I act on it. And when I take action on a lie, I'll get away with it for a minute. But eventually, I'm going to run around the bush and hit the truth and when I do, it beats the crap out of me. So what's my example? You guys are probably tired of that one. It is what it is. I drank after 13 years of being sober. I drank after 13 hours of being sober and the thought was don't I deserve a break? Can't I just, after 13 years of being sober, can't, well hello, say hi. Hi. Jimmy, Cleo. So we're covering step one. The fact is that 13 years sober, I didn't have a spiritual program and the thought or idea was that I can't walk back into a room and say I need help. I cannot do that. There's only one way I'm coming back to you and that's broken without any other choices. And besides, after being sober for 13 years, don't I deserve a break? Just one? And my conscious decision is I just want to do over because I've done something desperately wrong. I've got a real estate company. I bought a house. I went from homeless to owning a house, I've gotten money in the bank, there's cars in the driveway and I've done something desperately wrong. Desperately wrong. I could go on and make a million dollars and I have no problem, I could do that. But the fact is nothing would change on the inside of the fact it would probably be worse. I need to start over again and so I drank again and in a short period of time I'm arrested four times. Four times. And I go to the preliminary hearing and my lawyer comes out and says they made a mistake. And I thought that was good. He said, no, no it's not good. You're not looking at 20 years you're looking at 34 years in state prison and this lady brought the book on you. I would suggest that you limit your liability and accept this plea bargain they have for four years in state prisons. And that's true. The fact of the matter I'm guilty of everything that they had me on and more. So all I wanted was a break All I wanted Was a do-over again And I'm looking at 34 years in state prison That's true That's an obsession All I want is a break No serious thought Or premeditation of what the terrific Consequences are going to be I had no idea that I would end up In prison So then the doctor says That I am restlessly irritable and discontented Physically I'm restless, I've been restless my whole life I can't sit still mentally I'm irritable and I'm taking it out on everybody around me just ask the few friends who are around there's not many of them or my kids or my family but deep down inside me I'm discontented because I'm separate from that which created me and I am telling you that condition demands to be treated absolutely demands to being treated either distilled spirits a spiritual experience or a knife, a gun, a rope or a razor blade or a car but it demands to be treated in my own experience without a spiritual program I'm either taking myself out or I'm putting in that's my experience so first meeting is 1983 sobriety date is 2004 the book says we learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic, this is the first step in recovery. I assure you that is a long, tedious, painful process of learning that not only am I an alcoholic, but the fact of what that means, that I have a progressive, incurable, chronic and fatal disease. That I'm actually going to die from this disease unless I do something about it. so in we agnostics we talk about the test they sum up the book he uses from the cover to page 43 to really talk about the first step he outlines the program of action our solution but on that first paragraph he says if when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take you're probably you're probably an alcoholic and then they say you are oh, and if that be the case you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer so the book is written in problem-solution orientation problem-solution practical program of action I must first correctly identify the problem then I can correctly identify the solution from that solution I develop a practical program of action to apply the solution to the problem, problem solved which is exactly the problem because if I don't correctly identify the problem I will apply the wrong solution that's what I will do so look at the modern day example I get in big trouble, I go to prison I'm in band camp right, this is what we call it, band camp and I'm watching TV, and this is the kind of thinking that you have I have. We're watching the big screen TV in this gymnasium and a commercial comes on. The Cialis commercial. It says, please seek immediate medical attention for an erection lasting longer than four hours. That's a problem? I don't believe that's a question. That's not a problem. Okay. Maybe a problem Maybe that's a problem If I acknowledge That might be a problem I still haven't correctly identified The problem and my solution does not Contain medical attention My practical program of action Is not going to a doctor It's not until I recognize And realize That that condition Will lead to irreparable Physiological damage To my seldom used but most prized physical possession. That I will go running to a doctor and seeking help. Jesse! Not everybody does. How are you, brother? Did you miss me? I did miss you. I always miss you So we're talking about correctly identifying the problem until I correctly identify the problem I will identify the wrong solution. And if I don't have the right solution, I'm going to develop the wrong program of action to apply the wrong resolution to the problem and the problem won't be solved. Sounds like they got here exactly the wrong time. So, now we go into the agnostics and really that's the set-aside prayer. God, set aside everything I think that I know about God, about these steps, about Alcoholics Anonymous, about this book. Set aside everything you think I know and be open to the possibility of something different. I mean, my way put me here. I'm talking to my sponsor and he's like, okay, two college degrees. Yes, sir. Real estate company. Yes, Sir. Money's in the bank. Yes, Sur. You've owned a house, yeah. And where'd you end up? Oh, I was walking circles on a prison yard with 900 life-term inmates. Yeah, that's the best you got, Dave. That's the Best You Got. Remember that. So, what's a belief? A belief is an idea without certain proof. I believe that I can fly by flapping my arms and then there's faith is there a difference between belief and faith? for me faith means knowledge and that knowledge comes through experience now I have a certain amount of belief and I have an experience I have certain amounts of faith but I've come to understand that God is an experience he's not a belief so if I could go back here and get these conditions I follow the directions the directions will lead to promises promises equals power and power equals God because God is an experience he's not a belief and so I start with these beliefs and I start this faith and as I make the decision in three the decision is to go four through nine to have an experience with God and as i go four through nine I have those experiences with God and so that faith grows and it's the transition between the belief into the faith now the belief is the tissue that my life has been built on you know what happens when it rains the tissue okay and so I've had an overwhelming number of experiences with God that can't be explained any other way in fact I would be disrespectful to try to explain it a different way. So, I'm hopeless in step one. Step two is the solution. Step three is a spiritual covenant to go four through nine and to have those experiences with God. That first step is the fourth step. The first step is the forth step. Now he uses resentments, fears, and harms. And he uses four pages to talk about resentment, one page to talk about fears and one page to talk about harms. He's just twice as much on resentment than he does fear and harm combined. Must be pretty important. He was taught in the way he writes if you need more information he'll give you more information. When you don't need as much he doesn't provide as much information. So the solution is 439 isn't it? That's what he says. There is a solution. Almost none of us like the self-searching. None of us are like that. Which step is that? The leveling of the pride. We can have a whole discussion on that one. Indeed, all of Alcoholics Anonymous' 12 steps are designed to humble me. And it is humbling to sit down with another person and to tell them all the crap I've done to people, places and things my whole life. That's humbling. Right? That's humble. But to actually go out to people that I hurt or that I resented and express my former ill feeling in confessing my regret, confessing the former ill feelings and expressing my regret. That levels some pride. I guarantee you that levels some proud. And then the confession of shortcomings. What are our confession steps? Five, six, and seven. Four through nine. The process requires for a successful consummation. The process REQUIRES for a successfull consummations. So, we've gone through the resentments and all the inner workings on the resentment. Why would I go make an amends for resentment? Really. Because I'm convinced of the three-parted ideas. A, that I'm an alcoholic and I can't manage my own life. B, that probably no human power could relieve me of my alcoholism and that God could and would if he were sought. My only hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience. So it becomes not about them. It becomes about me and my relationship with God. That's what it's about. Because as long as I'm holding on to the world of the world, I'm trapped. I'm still blocked. Besides the resentment is the poison that I drink. It's the hate inside of me. It's not affecting them outwardly. The problem is whether I think it or I feel it or I act on it, the damage is the same in the world of the spirit. That's the fact. Okay? I don't want to sit in meetings and judge people and take people's image. I've done a lot of that. I've been a lot of that And I've done the inside work, too. I go back to some of those specific meetings just to see where I'm at in here. Those social meetings, the meat markets, that stuff, I don't go there and open my eyes. I don' t care. I don''t need all the extracurricular stuff. I need to hear a message. I need find out how... Because really, it's easy to love the good in people. The challenge is in loving the seemingly not so good in them. Put down the judgment. Because the fact is, when I finished 6 and 7 I had all these resentments this big old giant pile of resentments that became harms and my harms goes through the roof and I went to the cemetery and had a spiritual experience because God loved me good and bad God loved them I know that deep down where I live I know and the fact is that I can't take what I won't give in this program. Because He accepted me, everything I've ever done, good and bad, then my challenge is in learning to love you exactly the same way. Without judgment. Not who I think you should be or where you should go or what you should do. Exactly where you are. Period. Because that's what He did for me. He loved me so I could get sober. he didn't love me until I got sober. He's always loved me, good and bad. And now that I am sober and I know that I'm loved, my job is to take that love and pour some of it into you wherever I can. Right? So now we've got the rubber really hitting the road. steps 8 and 9, right? Oh, really? You've been set up the whole way. So we'll look on page 76. And the way I figure it, we've got a lot of work to get through and it'll take about six weeks to get true with this book study and then we'll start over again and then we'll have Dr. Mark come up. He's going to come up and do the doctor's opinion. Did you guys listen to that? So on page 76, about the middle of the page, he says now. Oh, you don't take a week off? He says now, we need more action without which we find faith, without worse is dead. Let's look at steps 8 and 9. We have a list of all the persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We took it, we made it when we took inventory. So what did we inventory? Resentments, fears and harms. That's where our eighth step comes from. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which is accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will. What is self- will? In things. And run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask. Who are we asking? God. We ask until it comes. Remember, here we go, it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any length for victory over alcohol. That's a warning. You said it in the beginning that's the setup so let's see if anybody's got the same thing. perhaps there are still some misgivings as we look over the list of business acquaintances and friends we have hurt so there's your harm in men we may feel diffident about going to some of them on a spiritual basis let us be reassured that to some people we need not and probably should not emphasize this spiritual feature on our first approach first approach? are you kidding me? wow we might prejudice them at the moment we're trying to put our lives in order but this is not an end in itself. Now I am underlining this next line. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. What is maximum service? Full potential. Two days a week. What was that? Two days per week. My job is taking people through this book and through these steps. Make no mistake about it, that's what I do. Everything else is beside the point. That's what I do to get my hands on his men. That was a deal I made in the jail cell on the fourth arrest. I don't know what's left. I don' t even believe I'm going to live through it. But whatever happens, if you'll stand him up I'll knock him down with whatever ability you give me and I won't take any credit. that's my job that's exactly what I do everything else is beside the point and besides with my mentality I'm figuring alright I'm going to take it wholesale what's wholesale? on a large scale without discrimination I'm taking this thing wholesale and I'm gonna finalize and when I find it I'm telling everybody about them still looking I'm still looking okay and what has happened what has happened is I can't touch the walls at the same time anymore I didn't wake up restless irritable or discontented this morning I got in a car and listened to a fifth step all the way down to Sunnyvale met with Dr. Mark come back here work on another fourth and fifth step and now I'm here with you That's not a bad day. That is not a bad day walking in circles thinking one day every dog got his day and my day's coming. One day I'm walking out of here. So, it is seldom wise to approach an individual who still smarts from our injustice to him and announce that we've gone religious. In the prize ring this would be called leading with the chin. why lay ourselves open to being branded fanatics or religious boars we may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial message but our man is sure to be impressed with the sincere desire to set right the wrong he's going to be more interested in a demonstration of goodwill than in our talk of spiritual discoveries and it's not all cash and prizes I got an email this morning from my sister that was fun my sister is somebody who resents me I've made my amends and I didn't help her get custody of a daughter she lost so I'm the demon's seed and I made my demands well Christmas we're over there and she has another set of daughters twins and talking with them and I had this email with these carvings of watermelons and eggs done with a laser thing and here, email it to yourself. Right? This is over Christmas. This morning I give you don't contact my daughter anymore. You're blocked. If you do, I'll seek legal action against you. Right? Whatever. I mean, I'm over there at my dad's house at Christmas and I brought over the gifts for her and her kids. And he's like, what's wrong with this picture? obviously somebody is holding on to right animosity and somebody isn't I said dad that's been over for years for me this is Christmas it's not about her and me I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do fact is a couple of years ago I called and got an earful whoa so I called Michael how old are the kids that's all I need to know doesn't matter I'm done with that I'm really done with that. It doesn't mean that that doesn't feel bad. It is what it is. I'm not going to ruin my day over it. She's another one of God's kids doing the very best that she can. That's exactly what she is. I'm no longer going to react. I'm going to have to send an email to my dad or my brother and look what she did. Blah, blah, blah. Right? What purpose does that serve? So, she gets to sit with her and her God. And I don't need to let that affect me and my God relationship. Do I wish it was different? I do. But I can't change that. Right? I also can't let it get in the way either. Right? Because that would fit myself. Maximum service to God and people about it. If that affects me, how can I serve you? And how can everyone serve her? I wouldn't buy a Christmas present. Birthday gifts, I wouldn' t do that. What kind of message is that carrying? What is our standard here? We have one standard. God is our standard. Our code. What's our code? Love and tolerance. Principles before personalities. Huh? Principles before personalities. Okay. So we don't use this as an excuse to shine away from the subject of God. when it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions with tact and common sense. Now this is a pretty heavy set right here. The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. Who do I hate? Who do i hate? The people on your resentment list. The resentments. This is in step nine we're talking about here. I hate the people I resent it may be he has done us more harm than we've done him and though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him we're still not too keen about admitting our faults really? how do I acquire a better attitude? how can I do that? bottom of 66 isn't that a form of projection David huh isn't resentment a form or projection like if you really the lack of intolerance what you're saying is I'm not going to tolerate you so it's a separation it is separate for me I'm exclusive not inclusive but I don't realize what I'm separating from is actually separating from God right because I'm blocked internally sure yeah so on the bottom of 66 it says this was our course We realize that people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Take them off the hook, lay them down, lay them back, lay them right next to him. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. Ooh, I have to get off the book and lay down right next on him. He just leveled the playing field is what he did. Because as long as I'm holding on to them, I'm better than, I'm worse than, I'm more than, I'm less than, I'm anything other than exactly like them. It's a zero-sum game. Do you know what zero-some is? Zero-summ is a competition. It's football. If there's a winner, there's going to be a loser. it can't be any other way there aren't any ties and in interpersonal relationships if I have to put you down to lift me up how can either one of us win in that scenario we don't it sums to zero nobody wins because it's either or and that's an alcoholist anonymous well that sponsorship line has gotten most of it they're pretty close it's either or it's causing separation the inside alcohol is synonymous the fact is the sponsorship lines aren't the freaking enemy alcoholism is the enemy it's not about us or them it's about us and them so I have to push through the either or and get to the and because that's unity that's our traditions because without you I'm dead. Without them, I'm dead. Put down the judgment machine. I'm glad you're in the book. I'm Glad You're Working the Steps. Send me up next and how can I help? Maximum service. God and people about us. Without the judgment. Just trying to be helpful. Right? So, we ask God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Now this is on page 67. Lots of folks love to go back to the back here and take that two-week prayer. If you've got a resentment, pray for them for two weeks. You'll be free of the resentment. What's our solution? It's 4 through 9. The two-weak prayer is 4 through 7, isn't it? think about it, it's four through seven. It's not four through nine. The problem with people go to the back of the book and take a piece, they're taking it out of context. These people worked in 12 steps. The pioneer section were one of the first 100. There's really where I'm interested in. I mean, acceptance is the answer to all my problems. I just got accepted and I thought I might have to do some real work. I'm so glad I don't have to do any work. Really? Right? So then from the prayer, and there's no time limit on the prayer. When a person offends, now we're in the present. When aperson offends we said to ourselves this is a sick man how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry that I will be done. You know later on the tenth step, thy will be done. It comes up constantly, right? Because every time I'm disturbed there's something wrong in me. There's another piece of me that's in the way. It needs to go. It needsto go. So we'll go back to 77. We're still not too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, nevertheless, With a person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. Much more beneficial to us because the reason I'm going around making these amends for the resentments and the fears and the harms are not for people, places or things. the only reason I'm doing that is because I am convinced deep down inside of me my only hope is an experience with God but I'm not doing this otherwise because if I change my focus away from the world to the world onto my relationship with God and that's my only help then none of that matters right none of it matters what the minutia in the book yeah what else you got right My only hope is here. Nothing else matters, including this book. Much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret. Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Don't even answer the email, Dave. Let it go. It's in the pool. I didn't drop that rock. We simply tell him we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worthwhile in life can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we'll be gratified with the result. Here's some promises. In nine cases out of ten, the unexpected happens. Sometimes the man we're calling upon admits his own fault, so years and years standing melt away in an hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies sometimes praise what we are doing and wish us well. Occasionally they will offer assistance. It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of his office. We have made our demonstration, done our part. It's water over the dam. So, I told you guys about the bail guy, right? Went down and saw him last week. The guy that bailed me out three of the four times went by and his granddaughter's in the office. No, he's not here. Is he in the other one? I don't know. Let me call him. Yeah, he'd be there. He's over there. So I go over there and wait for about 10-15 minutes, right. How you doing, Dave? You're doing good. Just wanted you to know I went to jail last week He said, you did? I said, yeah, I was a guest. Because I went and talked to the jail in San Francisco and we talked for a few minutes and I just got to thank him again and let him know I'm available if he needs any help. I'm still making payments to the guy for the bail, right? He gets a check every month. My clockworker goes out. Which, okay, most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our creditors. this is exactly what happened telling them what we're trying to do we make no bones about our drinking they usually know it anyway whether we think so or not nor are we afraid of disposing our alcoholism on the theory it may cause financial harm approached in this way the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us arranging the best deal we can we let these people know we are sorry our drinking has made us slow to pay we must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go if we are liable to drink if we're afraid to face them. Ride in. Start riding jets. That's what I do. Perhaps we've committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail if it were known to the authorities. We may be short on our accounts and unable to make good. We've already admitted this in confidence to another person, but we are sure we would be imprisoned or lose our job if it was known. Maybe it's only a petty offense such as patting the expense account. most of us have done that sort of thing maybe we're divorced and have remarried but haven't kept up the alimony to number one she's indignant about it and has a warrant out for our arrest that's a common form of trouble too although these reparations take innumerable forms there are some general principles which we find guiding here we go again reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any length to find a spiritual experience we ask, who are we asking? That we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything. Now, part of my crimes... You want to go rob some stores? Which ones? Let's go. That's what we did. My crime partner, Greg. dozens of them from Vacaville Outlets to Sunrise Mall to Roseville lots of them and I'm going around robbing these stores and I am like this isn't even funny you are going to go off and do your little thing and I will get sober again and be back here making freaking amends so I start going back to all these stores every one of them yeah I am a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I haven't always been sober. And while I was not sober, I came in and stole from your store. And I need to make amends. Not a single one of those stores, there have been dozens, wanted to throw me in jail. Some of them want to take statements. I can't implicate her. Right? I can'T involve her. This is on me. But I've had written statements that I've got to give them, set up payments with other ones. Having her back from other ones, that doesn't mean I get away with it. it just gets shifted to the pay the public part you harm the public you pay the pubic we wrote that off a long time ago that doesn't mean that I'm absolved of the responsibility for what I took ok they could have thrown me in jail they got video of me doing all kinds of illegal things that's what I went to prison for anyways, okay usually however other people are involved funny how it leads away like that therefore we're not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit a man we know had remarried because of resentment and drinking he had not paid alimony to his first wife she was furious she went to court and got an order for his arrest he had commenced our way of life had secured a position and was hitting his head above water had impressive heroics as he had walked up to the judge and said, here I am. We thought he ought to be willing to do that if necessary but if he were in jail he could provide nothing for either family. We suggested he write his first wife admitting his fault and asking forgiveness. He did and also sent a small amount of money. He told her what he would try to do in the future. He said he was perfectly willing to go to jail if she insisted. Of course, she did not. And the whole situation has long since been readjusted, or adjusted. Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people, we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, ask God to help, and the drastic step is indicated, we must not shrink. Must not shrink! This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. This is an Oxford group story. While drinking, he accepted a sum of money from a bitterly hated business rival giving him no receipt for it. He subsequently denied having received the money and used the incident as a basis for discrediting the man. He thus used his own wrongdoing as a means of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his rival was ruined. He felt that he had done a wrong he could not possibly make right. He opened that old affair and he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his partner disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood? What right had he to involve those dependent upon him? How could he possibly make a public statement exonerating his rival? After consulting with his wife and partner, he came to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks than to stand before his creator guilty of such ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God's hands or he would soon start drinking again. Do you keep seeing these warnings here? Right? and it all would be lost anyhow he attended church for the first time in many years after the sermon quietly got up and made an explanation his action met widespread approval and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of this town this all happened years ago the chances are that we have domestic troubles perhaps we're mixed up with women in a fashion we wouldn't care to have advertised oh no we doubt if in this respect alcoholics are fundamentally much worse than other people but drinking does complicate sex relations in the home. After a few years with an alcoholic, a wife gets worn out, resentful, uncommunicative. How could she be anything else? The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself. She commences to look around in the nightclubs or their equivalent for something besides liquor. See Alice? No! Stop it. Perhaps he's having a secret and exciting affair with the girl who understands. In fairness, we must say that she may understand, but what are we going to do about a thing like that? A man so involved often feels very remorseful at times, especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him. Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it. If we are sure our wife does not know, should we tell her? Not always, we think. If she knows in a general way that we've been wild, should we tells her in detail? Undoubtedly, we should admit our fault. She may insist on knowing all the particulars. She will want to know who the woman is and where she is. Oh, yeah. We feel we ought to say to her that we have no right to involve another person. We are sorry for what we have done, and God willing, it shall not be repeated. More than that, we cannot do. We have no rights to go further. Though there may be justifiable exceptions, and though we wish to lay down no rule of any sort, we have often found this the best course to take. our design for thinking oh it says design for living is not a one way street it isn't as good for the wife as for the husband if we can forget so can she it is better however that one does not needlessly name a person upon whom she can vent jealousy perhaps there are some cases where the utmost frankness is demanded no outsider can appraise such an intimate situation it may be that both will decide that the way of good sense and loving kindness is to let bygones be bygomes. Each might pray about it, having the other one's happiness uppermost in mind. Keep it always inside that we are dealing with that most terrible human emotion, jealousy. The generalship may decide that the problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk face-to-face combat. If we have no such complication, there's plenty we should do at home. Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents for whom years he has so shockingly treated. Passing all understanding of the patience mothers and wives have had with alcoholics. Had this not been so, many of us would have no homes today or would perhaps be dead. The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others hearts are broken sweet relationships are dead affections have been uprooted selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in its turmoil we feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough sodriety he is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined to his wife he remarked don't say anything the matter here ma And the wind stopped blowing. Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring. Hmm, nasty little emails. but chances are that our own actions are partly responsible yes ma'am so we clean house with the family asking each morning in meditation that our creator show us the way of patience tolerance kindliness and love so you know every Wednesday I go and spend time with my dad it's dad day and um we're sitting at lunch yesterday now you gotta understand my dad he plays music he's an administrator he hates sports and I'm sitting there we get done with lunch and he says we start talking and he brought up the 49er game last weekend I said you watched? well part of it he was down with my brother because they were watching he says well are you going to watch that game this Sunday? I said well I believe I had planned on that dad he said well do you want to come over and watch it? my dad hates sports he hates sports but he wants me to come down and sit with him and watch the 49er game my dad wants me to come downstairs and sit down and sit up with him and watch a 49er game this speaks volumes it really speaks volumes so I do some footwork take care of a couple of things and then I'm going to go down and watch a football game with my dad and then he asked me and he says if there were no object if you could go anywhere where would you go? I always hated missing that trip to Europe with you dad I was in high school dealing so bad with this house I didn't want to miss out on the money kind of an interesting question I don't know it doesn't matter it really doesn't matter I don' t care any time that I get to spend with my dad I'm going to try I'll be there I don''t know how much his walk is left I have no idea but I'll tell you I will take every step that's what I will do Kenny and I are sitting there when we're living down there and he comes down to start watching the football game with this. And I'm like, what the hell is wrong with this? Dad, what are you doing? He's like, what? Watching the game with you guys? I can't tell you how many games my dad took me to when I was a kid. Baseball, football, all the way down to San Francisco. But dad, you hate sports. Yeah, but we're watching the game. I mean, that kind of selflessness and that kind of love apparently is innate in some people. It's not in me. It isn't. I need to work on that. It doesn't come naturally for me. That's why I work with a lot of people, because I consciously need to do that. That is what this book tells me. The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. Unless one family expresses the desire to live upon spiritual principles, we think we ought to not urge them. We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. They will change in time. Or not. Our behavior will convince them more than our words. Don't show me, or don't tell me a sermon, show me one. We must remember that 10 or 20 years of drunkenness would make us skeptic out of anyone. There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them if we could honestly say to ourselves that we would write them if he could. Some people cannot be seen. We send them an honest letter, and there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases, but we don't delay if it can be avoided. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without getting servile or scraping. As God's people, we stand on our feet. We don't crawl before anyone. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we're halfway through We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we've gone, we'll see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. So what's the first promise of step 10? Anybody know? so the book talks about two fellowships the spirit of the fellowship and the fellowship of the spirit the spirit of the worship the spirit of the fellowship is all of us having survived a common problem we all had the same problem we applied the same solution and we got the same result we're all here but that in itself would never have held us together as we're now joined so that's the spirit of the fellowship we all have the same problem the common solution is the second fellowship and the solution is 4 through 9 the fellowship of the spirit there must be something in 10 that confirms that the solution in 4 through 9 has taken place and that's the first promise of step 10 so this thought what thought this thought brings us to step 10 these extravagant promises which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commence this way of living as we clean up the past, right? We have entered the world of the Spirit. First promise of step ten. We have entered the world of the spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, fear. Where do those come from? Separation. Is it four-step? Right? When these... Oh, not if. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. Where do we ask? Seven? We disgust someone immediately and make amends quickly. Disgust them five, amend nine if we've harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Twelve. Love and tolerance of others is our code. And we have ceased... So here's what it looks like to be in fit spiritual condition. And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone. Even when they send you a nasty email? Yeah, don't fight. Even alcohol. For by this time, sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor if tempted we recoil from it from a hot flame. Now, that would be the instincts too. you get in a fit spiritual condition and you start running around at some of those folks that are running on instinct ooh not so comfortable anymore it's not because the instincts what used to be common sense become uncommon sense that was uncommon sense becomes common sense so the instincts are changed from self to God centeredness and when you're centered on God not the instincts things are completely flipped we react sanely and normally and we will find that this has happened automatically we will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part it just comes that is a miracle of it we are not fighting it neither are we avoiding temptation we feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We've not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We're neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. So long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. What's a laurel? Our little successes. We're headed for trouble if we do. You know, real estate company, buying a house, money, property, prestige. We're heading for trouble if we don't have alcohol. Alcohol is a subtle foe. We're not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily retreat contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. How can I best serve Thee? Thy will, not mine, be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. There's a lot of musts in this part, right? Damn it! We can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further, and that means more action. So step 10 is really a hybrid of the other steps. It is expected that you are placed in a state of spiritual fitness. I have taken inventory with my sponsor one time, and as issues come up that I haven't been able to deal with in 10 and 11, I'll talk to him and then give me a nudge this way or that to go back on the beam. because I watch selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, fear. When they come up, I have a program to deal with them. I could turn them into resentments. She sent me a nasty email. Right? I could kick and scream, but that doesn't serve any purpose. I can't help her that way and I can' t help you either. Right? Because resentments, fears, and harms or self-imposed than what I did to me. Then stop creating them. Right? Not everybody's going to love David Lester. I'll be darned. In fact, if everybody does, I'm not doing something right. Right? So step eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. So this is our 24-hour plan. The 24- hour plan. The first thing he's going to do is put you to bed when we retire at night. We constructively, not destructively, review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Oh, there it is again. Step four, right? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? There's another fifth. Were we kind and loving toward all? Oh, love intolerance, there it is again. What could we have done better? Were we thinking about ourselves most of the time or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what мы could pack into this dream of life? But we must, there's another must, be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. Hmm. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. So I've been put to bed. Now I'm going to become conscious on awakening. Conscious. Let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask Gott to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or selfish. motives. Huh, they're there again. Self-hate, dishonest, self-seeking. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. Hmm. So now I'm going to think about my day. I'm gonna start making plans. I've been put to bed. I've become conscious. I'm going to start thinking about what I've got to do. In thinking about our day, we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answer is coming after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times we might pay for this presumption and all sorts of absurd actions and ideas nevertheless we will find that our thinking will as time passes be more and more on the plane of inspiration we come to rely on it so we usually conclude the period of meditation so these previous paragraphs are a form of meditation we usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be that we'd be given whatever we need to take care of such problems that we ask especially for freedom from self-will and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only we may ask for ourselves however others will be helped we are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work you can easily see why If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. make use of what they offer. So now we're going to get up and get going through the day. As we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask. A lot of asking here. Ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, thy will be done. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works. It really does. We alcoholics are undisciplined, so we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action. Faith without work is dead. The next chapter is entirely devoted to step 12. so the steps place me back into how I'm designed I'm designed to serve not to get how can I help not what I get out of it but how can i help the byproduct is what I get out I don't wake up restless or discontent thank you so much for your time we'll close the usual