The Difference Between an Agnostic and an Ignoramus – John W.

I journeyed all the way up from Florida, and when I was coming up here, I had said I was nervous. I asked him if he gets nervous, and he made me feel good. He says yes. So now what I'd like you to do is give a warm welcome to John W. You may be over yours, but mine are just beginning. I'm an alcoholic. My name is John Williams. Hi, everybody. It's good to be back at Banner Lodge in Mootis, Connecticut again. I was up last year. Had a great time. Had sort of anticipated coming back this year so that I could just kind of lay back and enjoy the weekend again. And lo and behold, I get an invitation to participate in a meeting like this, in this capacity. And it really hadn't bothered me until I was sitting here at the table a few moments ago and waiting to be introduced. I thought that perhaps I'd get about 10 or 15 minutes of sitting there and getting used to looking at all these beautiful people. Go down where I come from, we read a portion of the big book, how it works. It takes about 10 oder 15 minutes before we get up here. But I didn't have that much time. And as I'm sitting there, a lot of things go through my head. A lot of good things go thru my head and they just sort of zap right thru and I can't grab a hold of any of them because I don't really have any notion as to what I'm going to say tonight. It's going to be an adventure for you and it's going to be a great adventure for me. I can only say that I hope I'm good. I hope i helped somebody in this room because I know that if not, it's certainly going to be good for me to share. It gives me an opportunity to tell you what happens to somebody like me if you come into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and do what you're supposed to do. And my message can be summed up in just a very few words by saying that this program works just the way it says it works. There's no great mystery to recovery from Alcoholics Anonymous or from the disease of alcoholism if you're an alcoholic and follow the instructions. And, of course, I can say that now in retrospect. However, I happen to have been one of those hard-headed ones. It took me a little bit to get into the groove. I'd like to say a special thanks to the committee for the opportunity and privilege of participating in this 24th annual get-together here at Mootis. I happen to know firsthand from my own experience that an awful lot of work and dedication and sacrifice went into putting this thing together. You know, these things just don't fall out of the air. A lot of people have worked a long time to put this thing together. I happen have been privileged to have been the chairman of our state convention down in Florida this year, and I know how much work it takes, and I think it's a great honor to be here. And I know that an offalot of people did an offa lot of things. And I guess these people who had anything to do with it are identified around here with these little ribbons on their name tag. And I think it would be well for us if we see some of those people walking around, if we just go up and shake their hands and say thanks because I think they've done a fantastic job of putting a program together for this weekend. And I really feel privileged to be here. I want to tell you and warn you that I'm not going to get into any great drunk-along. Now, this is the way it is on September 10, 1982. This is just the way I feel about it. I'm not going to sit here and spend any time trying to convince you that I'm an alcoholic and tell a room full of experts about drinking. I'm just not goingto do that. But I'm sure that you will be convinced before I get through that I am in the right place. And I think that being in a room, in a meeting with alcoholics, when I tell you thatI'm analcoholic,you have no reason to doubt that. But I am going to convinceyouof it before it's over with. I came into Alcoholics Anonymous initially in 1972. September of 72, ten years ago, I came in to AlcoholicsAnonymous, made my first trip, and on the way down to that meeting that night, I remember thinking to this friend of mine who had invited me, and I know this guy loved me because I know what he was trying to do for me. I remember thanking him on the day of the meeting and on my way down at that meeting that I really didn't think I was going in the right direction here and if I could just think of some reason to get Frank to pull over the side of the road to the nearest bar and have a couple of drinks and think this thing over, it wouldn't really be necessary for us to continue with our project that night. But somehow or another I kept my mouth shut and came to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and the things that got me to that first meeting of Alcoholic Anonymous were the things that get a lot of people to AlcoholicsAnonymous. us. I had gotten drunk, I had caused a scene, I had disrupted my family, and this friend had been called to come over to talk to me about my drinking. Well an alcoholic in his cups don't want to talk anybody about his drinking and I almost got into a fist fight with Frank when he came over there and he just said such things as, John don't you think you're having a little trouble with this alcohol? Don't you think you are drinking a little too much? Maybe you ought to do something about it. And all I can say to him is just mind your business. It's just my nagging wife. She just won't leave me alone. If she'd just leave me along, I wouldn't have to drink this way. Beginning to justify the stupidity of my actions. Trying to rationalize myself out of the situation that I was in. The only reason I said yes to this guy was because I just didn't have anything else to say to him. I had run out of excuses. My wife was sitting there looking all pitiful-like. And my three children were sitting there, and I was sitting there accused. And I didn't have any defense. I couldn't say I'm sorry anymore. And this idea of going to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous sounded like a good way to appease a bad situation. So I said to them I'd go. Of course, I knew that I didn'T have to go or I shouldn't go, but this was the best way to get out of this situation. I want to talk about the first two years of Alcoholics Anonymous in case anybody here might be thinking along the lines that I was thinking in my first two year of Alcoholic Anonymous now I came and I was impressed with the first meeting I really enjoyed it I heard and as a matter of fact one of my preconceived prejudices was destroyed the moment I walked into that room because I didn't see the kind of people that I thought I was going to see there I had in my mind, in my man's eye that alcoholics were those types that wear the old overcoats and the five days of growth on their face and they're carrying around that brown bag and those high-heeled sneakers that they wear. And I thought that this is what an alcoholic was, and then when I went into that room, I said, well, wait a minute. These guys don't look like alcoholics. They don't sound like alcoholists. They were having a good time. They were laughing and making a joyful noise in that meeting, and I didn't really understand what was going on. I thought perhaps it was a contrived situation. I thought maybe it had been planned that Frank had gotten together with some of his friends and put these people in this church, and they were all putting on a show for me. And it didn't turn out that way. But I liked what I heard and saw there, and I kept coming back to Alcoholics Anonymous. After three or four weeks, I know I got excited about it that night because I went home and told my wife that I think perhaps I may have gone to the right place tonight. And she told me that I was all excited about it. I don't remember, but I started going to Alcoholics Anonymous and I'll tell you why I went to Alcoholic Anonymous because I liked the people that I met in AA. I went just tag meeting. They were all guys and they were good guys and I liked them. And they didn't drink, so I didn't drank. I guess I stayed sober on the power of the pack. Probably nothing more spiritual than when in Rome do as the Romans do. I noticed that after about four or five weeks of sitting there, I noticed these 12 statements on this board up there. And I looked at all of them. They all looked good. I didn't see anything unusual there. But the first one caught my eye. And it seemed to have the key that unlocked my situation because the first step said we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. and I read that this way. John, if you don't drink, you can manage your affairs. The only thing that's been bothering you is just too much drinking, and if you Don't Drink, You Can Manage. And that's what I saw. And I got to figuring that if I thought I knew what an alcoholic was when I came to AA, and I just described what I thought he was, I figured that now there's a guy that needed all 12 of those things, but certainly not somebody like me. The real alcoholic needed all 12 of those propositions, but I didn't. So I continued to come to Alcoholics Anonymous, really not convinced. The only thing that convinced me was when the evidence was given by you people as to what an alcoholic was, I thought it seemed to fit me. But I didnít like what I, I didnís like it. I just didnít Like the conclusion that I had to draw. i remember i picked up a one-year medallion i was going to one meeting a week whether you wanted me here or not i gave you that much after one year i went to that group and i picked up one of these medallions and i got to thinking about boy 365 days without a drink times 24 hours per day that's an awful lot of time without a drank and i hung on in there in a very short period of time my wife made a proposition to me that i ought to get involved in pto uh the parent teacher organization down there in pompano and i thought that sounded like a good idea because but you see by this time things had began to mellow around the house uh things were getting good things were getting good emotionally at home the children were speaking to me again and i was working steady and beginning to make some money. And every time that I thought about that, I said, you see, I was absolutely right. As long as I don't drink, I can take care of things. And things kept getting better. And when she invited me to take an interest in PTO, I said that sounds like an excellent idea because I hadn't devoted any time to my two oldest children and I had one left. And I said well, I owe the kid this much so I'll go ahead and become involved in this pto and i got involved in that and i thought i was the greatest thing to hit pto since since i don't know when because you see not too many men down there get interested in it and i was a big hero they were always asking me to do this or asking me to lead this or ask me this and i get so involved in it i forgot all about that meeting on wednesday night that i had been going to but anyway another year piled up and i remember looking at that medallion for two years and i said man that's over 700 days and i don't know how many thousands hours without a drink and i developed a reservation about my alcoholism i was one of those individuals as mentioned in the big book under and in the doctor's opinion i was one of these individuals that thought that if there was enough distance between my last drunk in my next drink, that I could safely return and develop new drinking habits. And I decided, I think sometime between the first and second year that I was going to stay here five years, and then I was gonna go out and develop new and better drinking habits so that I wouldn't get in trouble. Well, after I picked up that two-year medallion and figured out how many thousands of hours I'd had without a drink, I decided that I really didn't need to wait five years. That maybe two would be enough. And you know, I convinced my wife a short time thereafter, I guess this is October or November, we're invited out to dinner. And the more I thought about this reservation and this distance between the last drunk and the next drink, the better I liked the idea and I just convinced myself that I'd just developed some bad habits, that's all, and I was so smart that I could just re-educate myself to drink like a gentleman. So we're going out to dinner one night, and I said, now surely I've got something I want to tell you. I had found in Alcoholics Anonymous that I don't have to stay away from this stuff for the rest of my life. I'd just developed some bad drinking habits. So tonight when we go out to diner, I'm going to order a drink. Well, she looked a little shocked about that, but I always did a good job of conning her, and she agreed with the proposition, and we went out that night, And before dinner, you know, I ordered a drink. And that's all I had. And I kind of just kind of nudged her on the way home. I said, see there, no problem. The next week we go out to dinner again. And I didn't think about it all that week. I said to that man, I just knew I was right. The next weak we go at the dinner, have one before dinner. Sit there and then we finish dinner. We're sitting around. The waitress comes by and says, how about a little after dinner drink? And I said that sounds good. so I had a little after-dinner drink. Nothing else. On the way home, I nudged the wife, and I said, see there how good things are? So however, long about Tuesday, I developed this powerful thirst, and I couldn't wait for dinner. And I needed to drink real bad. So I talked myself into a bottle, and I didn't have to do much on that. And I began probably the closest thing to hell I've ever lived for the next three and a half months of drinking. Well, it didn't take very long for me to realize that another one of my notions had gone by the wayside, that I could not reeducate my drinking habits. I drank like I had never drank before I came into Alcoholics Anonymous I got on it and I could not get off I would get up in the morning And pray to the God of my understanding God don't let me drink today I had to go to the post office Along 9 or 10 o'clock And I'd go tothe post office And check for mail After I'd left the postoffice I convinced myself That I needed a pint of vodka And Id go by and get it And Iíd bring it home And hide it And drink it all day long and this went on and went on and went on sometime in the latter part of January I came to one afternoon in my bedroom and I was bawling like a baby and I don't know what I was crying about I was just crying and I had a bottle in my left hand and my wife was standing in front of me and I said honey I don' t know what's happening I can not get off of this vodka I just can't stop drinking and she had the most pitiful look in her face and I can't describe it to you but she looked absolutely helpless and hopeless and I'll never forget that look that she had when I told her that she couldn't do absolutely anything but something happened and I don't remember the exact details but a short time thereafter I remember petitioning to God that if not for me at least for my wife and children let me get off of this stuff either that or take me away and I don't remember anything after that until the next morning I go to the post office as is my usual habit when I go in the post office I see this man that I know and I happen to know he's an alcoholic synonymous and I later found out he went to the Post Office every morning and so did I but I don' t know why but this morning he caught my eye and I caught his he says good morning and I said good morning and he says John you want to go to a meeting tonight and I say you betcha well I committed myself then I couldn't drink anymore that day so I left the post office and went home for the first time in a long time I didn't go by that liquor store I went home and told my wife I was going back to Alcoholics Anonymous and she said it's about time I said Wesley's going to pick me up tonight and he's going take me to a meeting and I came back into Alcoholics Anonymous thoroughly convinced that that prayer had been answered because that's the only thing I'd been doing different the only thing I'd done different within the last 12 or 24 hours that put me in a situation in which it's almost indescribable that I was invited to go back to Alcoholics Anonymous. And I went back to alcoholics anonymous with Wesley, and Wesley became a sponsor, and thank God he's here tonight. He's been a tremendous help to me. But we go to that meeting that night, and I tell him what's been going on in my life. And he says to me, he says, John, do you know what the problem is? And I said, yeah, I know what the problem is. I'm an alcoholic. I said but do you know what he said? Do you know that means? I said well it means I drink too much and I can't stop. He said I want you to do me a favor. He said, I want to get that big book and I want your read the doctor's opinion in it and then we'll talk about it a little bit later. And this was the beginning of the way this man sponsored me into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous because he began right off the bat to get me into The Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous where he knew the answer to my problem was. now he said this to me many times and he said it at the podium many times the only thing he can do is give you lip service but if I wanted to know how to solve my problem I have to know what the problem was and he says you'll find the problem described in the big book Alcoholics Anonymous so I said I'd just try him on for size so I went on home and picked that book up and I began to read the doctor's opinion and lo and behold for some reason or another I was receptive at this time to change because I had surrendered to alcohol I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was absolutely and totally powerless over alcohol, that I couldn't do anything about it. All I had to do to know that was just to look back at the last three and a half months, how many times, how many days that I got up and said, I don't want to drink today, and wound up drunk before noon. I knew that I could not stop. I knewthat I couldnot do anythingaboutit, and I knewthat Iwas powerless. And there was a difference in attitude on my part this time, not just because the facts proved that Iwas an alcoholic, I hadto accept it, but I didn't like to accept it no there was difference this time I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was an alcoholic and I made 100% surrender to that I decided that I would not argue with it I would fight with it I would try to compromise with it I submitted myself to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous because in the first two years I became convinced that some people could get sober through this program I knew that because I had seen it even at that one meeting a week when I went and heard these guys talking Some of that stuck with me, and I knew I was in the right place. And Wesley started me on this big book. You know, when I began to understand the problem, by reading the doctor's opinion, it dawned on me that that was in the beginning of the big book, so it must be the starting place. If you're going to solve a problem, you've got to know what the problem is. The good doctor laid it out where I could understand it. He says to me, John, the thing that sets you apart from all these people that you envy when they drink because they don't get in The trouble, the difference between you and those people is that you have an allergy to alcohol. That for some strange reason or another, when you ingest alcohol into your system, the allergy is aggravated, and then your mind takes over and you're compelled to drink even against your will. Now, that's what the good doctor was saying to me. It made sense. He'd said it in a way that I hadn't heard before. And I was convinced that he was telling me the truth. he went on to tell me that the uh that after a period of time the alcoholic can't tell the difference between right and wrong and i knew that how many lies and how many times that i cheated and lied about drinking and he says we uh we're nervous and edgy until we get that drink in them again i get in our system to once again start this spree again we go through the spree We emerged remorseful. I promised, surely I won't do it again. What did I do? But I won' t do it agai n. I didn' t know what I'd been doing when I was in those blackouts. I'm sorry. I'm sorr y. The good doctor says that I'd do that time and time again until I was willing to go through an entire psychic change. And then he said that it seems that something more than human power is needed to bring about the necessary psychic change, and for me, the good doctor had hit on the things that I believe today, in retrospect, are the description of the alcoholic. The physical, the mental, and the spiritual. He laid it right out there. Then he gave me an example in Bill's story in the big book. Prime example of what the good doctor had described. And I began to identify. Got into the chapter, There is a Solution. I got into the Chapter, There Is More About Alcoholism. And after going through that, and I'd say after a period of four or five months of working and riding with Wesley all up and down the east coast of Florida and being his chauffeur and chatting with him and reading all of these things, I came to the conclusion of the pertinent ideas that are found in the fifth chapter. I discovered that, yes, I was convinced that I was an alcoholic and I couldn't manage my life. I was condensed that no human power could relieve me of my problem. Wesley convinced me of that. He says, I can't get you sober. Your group can't get you sober. Your wife can't get you sore. Your mama can't get you sober. The answer in the book says that God could and would if he were sought. And Wes says, You believe that? I said, Yes, I believe that. He says, Then you're ready to take step number three. If you're convinced of those ideas, the book says at that point being convinced we are ready to take steps to take number three in which we make a decision to turn our will and life over to the care of God as we understood him. So that made sense and I began to do these things. I'm telling you that I did these things not really understanding what I was doing because I had been told, John, don't think about it, do it, and the understanding will come. And it began to make some sense. As time goes on, this is a progressive recovery, just like alcoholism is a aggressive disease. I mean, I don't know. I don' t think I... Perhaps, as the big book says, sometime when I was around 18 or 19 years old, if I'd have been given sufficient reason to stop, perhaps I would have. I don''t know. Nobody ever gave me reason enough to stop for me to find out. But the book tells me that that's possible, but it didn't work that way. I was a kind of a personality, and I hate to steal Wesley's thunder, but he tells this story, and every time he does, I can identify with it so well. He describes me to a T when he says that we must have been put together on a Friday afternoon on the assembly line. And as they were doing so, they must have done that. They must have had all anxious to get out and do what we were going to later do. and they left a lot of parts loose. The nuts and the bolts and the screws just weren't tightened up, and that's the way they put us off the assembly line. And at the age of 17, I discovered a tool chest when I had my first drink of alcohol. And that drink served to tighten up all those nuts and bolts and screws that were loose because I know that I felt different when I drank. And I felt 40 pounds heavier because I was one of these 98-pound weaklings back in those days. I'd fight anybody. It didn't make no difference because I were taller than they were. I could dance better than anybody. I could talk to the women all of a sudden. I could carry on a decent conversation when I had that stuff in me. So I kept that tool chest by my hand for the next 19 years, and I became dependent upon it because Iwas convinced that when Ihad alcohol in me, I could do all of these great things. And I guess an individual who comes to the point of depending on that tool chest all the time, that's what happened to me. I didn't think I could function. I wanted everybody to like me. I wanted to be accepted by everybody in college and in school, in the service. I didn'T want anybody to dislike me. And if you said you disliked me, it hurt. I didn'T like that. I wanted To be accepted. But yet I always felt like I was about three steps below everybody. Until I had a drink. Then I was about six steps above everybody else. And I liked that. I liked the feeling of superiority that alcohol gave me, and I became dependent upon it. I began to do all sorts of strange things. I began more than anything else after it became... After, I guess, I crossed the invisible line that we talk about and which I couldn't control. Once I started, I couldnít determine how much I was going to drink. I began that series of mental and spiritual deterioration in which I had to lie, cheat, and steal. I had the chance to justify the stupidity of my actions. I had too compromise and put myself in all sorts of positions. And it kind of reminds me of a little story and chances are you've heard it before but it describes me to a T. There was this blacksmith out in Texas. He was working around there one Saturday afternoon and he'd just finished putting together a horseshoe. He took it out of the heat and he shaped it all up made it just right and then he set it down on the table to cool off. Long about this time this tall Texan meanders in he's looking around a little bit all of a sudden he spies that horseshoe on the tablet and he picks it up and of course he throws it down real fast. Well out of the corner of his eye the blacksmith had been watching him and he said to the Texan he says, son did that what's the matter did that horseshoot burn you? And the Texian looked over and says, no sir he says it just don't take me long to look at a horseshoe. Well, those are the kinds of things that I began to say when I discovered myself face down on the front porch at the house. Of course, I knew right away when I found out that I was going to be a bad day, I just knew that. And then when I usually have to wind up that way because when I'd stay out at night and I was supposed to be home, I'd come home, and my wife had a trick. I had a key to the front door, but she always chained it. And if I rattled that chain, she'd know what time I got in. So I didn't bother. I just passed out on the front porch. And when she'd get up and when I finally get her to let me in, she says, What's the matter with you? Did you get drunk again last night? I said, no, honey. I said I got in a little bit late and I didn't want to get you out of bed. I know how much you need your sleep. So I didn' t bother. Began to lie about those things and justify that. Winded up sleeping in the bathtub. That was always a good one. And she'd say, what are you doing in the bath tub this morning? I'd say well, I got a little sick last night and I needed to stay close by so I just decided to sleep in the bathroom. I didn't want to get in and out of the bed and disturb you, honey. I love you, you know that. And those were the kinds of things that I was doing when I finally got to Alcoholics Anonymous in 1972, justifying the stupidity of my actions. I couldn't rationalize. If somebody had asked me why you got drunk last night, I couldn' tell you why if I told you the truth. I didn' know why until I began to read the big book, AlcoholicsAnonymous. in which my situation was described. I didn't know it, but I had been placed beyond human aid. That's the way the book describes it. We place ourselves in a position in which we're beyond human aide. And that's why I guess we have to go to God as we understand him to solve the problem. The book tells us that it is a story of 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. and to show others precisely how they have recovered is the main purpose of this book. This is the source of sobriety. Now, I can stand up here and tell you an awful lot of delightful stories, but I'm telling you the message that I want to give you is if you're an alcoholic, the answer to your problem is found in the big book Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm going to tell you this, that I could not understand this book if I went off into my room and tried to read it through the narrow dimensions of my own mind because I'd read it with all my prejudices. And I would say, yeah, what are they talking about? I don't understand this and don't understanding that. But if you get a sponsor who knows that big book, he'll help you. And if you've got questions about what do they mean by this, what do THEY mean, tell me, explain to me. The sponsor will do that for you. I happen to belong to the Pompano Beach Workshop Group, which I failed to mention. Did I forget anything else when I got started? I was a little nervous. But I belong to Pompino Beach Workshop group and I wanted to extend an invitation to you if you ever get down that way. We meet on Monday night at the Unity Church in Pompano. We're in the directory. We're also in the when and where book that our intergroup office publishes and its current numbers, so you can get a hold of us. We've had some visitors from Connecticut down there. I saw a fellow in here this year and last year that paid us a visit last year when he was down to visit his mother. I just wanted you to know that you're always invited there. But what we do at our group is we study this big book. I'll tell you why we do that. Bill Wilson made a statement one time, and I'll tell you where it is in case you want to verify this. It's in the pamphlet called Problems Other Than Alcohol, which is a reprint of an article that Bill Wilson wrote for The Grapevine. And he says in it that sobriety, freedom from alcohol through the teachings and applications of the Twelve Steps is the sole purpose of an AA group. So that tells me what an AA group is supposed to do, and that's what we do at our group. We study this big book. We also study the 12 and 12 as it pertains to the 12 steps of recovery. And it's been the greatest asset to my, I think, I really think it was started for me because I came back in Alcoholics Anonymous in February 75 and the following January this thing was put together and began. It's been my home group ever since then. I love it. I have come to understand what this book is all about because I haven't tried to understand it in my bedroom or off reading it somewhere. I've gotten with a group of people who are trying to do the same thing that I'm doing, and we sat there and discussed this book sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, sometimes word for word, because I need that help, and apparently alcoholics need the help of trying to understand that perfect program that was put together for us by our co-founders. they left us a heck of a legacy, those guys did. You know, I have a chance to think about that when I survey or take an inventory and say, John, what are you supposed to be doing up here at Mootis? I mean, what do they ask you to do? And they've asked me to share my experience, strength, and hope. And I get a chance to think about how grateful I am to be in this fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I get the chance to think about what I was like that night that I was writing down to that meeting with Frank and I was thinking about asking him to stop for a drink so we wouldn't have to go to that meeting. I get a chance to think about the reconstruction that's gone on in my home as a result of this program. I get an opportunity to think I get the chance to think about the conversion, the amazing conversion for which I had nothing to do with that has taken place from that hopeless and helpless individual that I wasn't September of 72 to a point to where somebody would invite me to participate in a meeting like this. It's an absolute amazing thing to me that that kind of a conversion can happen. I think about the legacy that you and I had been handed by our co-founders when it was started back in 1935, June the 10th, when Dr. Bob got sober. And I think About the Story in A.A. Comes of Age, about all the trouble that they had to get this book published for us, all the trials and tribulations, and how close they almost didn't make it. What a precious instrument this thing is. You know, it's just as current in 1982 as it was in 1938 or 1939 when it was published. It's just As Current Today. Those same things apply. It's amazing to me. Very few books can claim that. i think about those early members and the things that they must have gone through to give us what was here when we got here when we got ready to get sober i get a chance to think about my responsibilities an individual in the program of alcoholics anonymous that what little i can do to help perpetuate this program get active in my group participate in committees that put on these kinds of functions so that we can get together Do you realize, I was thinking about this as I was sitting here earlier, you know, you get this many people together in these kinds of quarters, all of us pretty much on the same wavelength. You know, there's a lot of spiritual energy in this room. I can feel that. I can feeling that when I'm sitting out there and I can certainly feel it when I am up here. That we put together a lot energy and these kinds get-togethers are for those kinds of things where we can get together and share. where we can say to the committee people, those people who worked and dedicated, thanks a lot for the effort that you put in. I don't know what you did, but I know you worked, and thank you for it, because the weekend was certainly worth it. We get a chance to get off together and play a little golf. We get an opportunity to talk about and get a change to share with one another. Somebody in this room tonight has got a football in their stomach. He may be 12 years sober. He may have been two weeks sober. But he needs to talk abut that. He needs to share that trouble and that whatever it is that's bothering him with another human being. Where else can you get that but in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous or a gathering like this? I get so energized by these things that chances are when I walk on that plane Sunday afternoon, I probably won't need the steps. I'll just float right up there because I'm telling you, if you're here for your first one, I may as well pre-warn you these things are contagious. They certainly are. and you'll want to keep coming back and going to other things. I'm beginning to think about a lot of things I wanted to say a while ago. But that's all right. I certainly feel that energy. I don't know whether you do or not. There's something magical, or something not magical. I know what it is. There's just something spiritual about the group of AAs and even the Alamons. My wife got into Alamon about four years ago and on one side of the table I say that's the greatest thing that ever happened to her but on the other side ofthe table it's not because I lost control I still have a tough time with that once in a while but I'm getting better but thank God for Al-Anon she's been active in it and she loves it and it's so great to have a family that's trying to do the same thing together She's on the same wavelength that I'm on, and she's trying to put those 12 steps and those principles in her life just like I am. And boy, we've got a lot to talk about today. I can tell you this, that probably I married 27 years to this woman. She went through my hell with me. That we have been the happiest, happier than I could have ever dreamed when I was sitting on that bar stool thinking about how wonderful life is supposed to be. It's been better than that as a result of this program. I just can't begin to tell you about all the many things that are available to you and I if we will get ourselves busy and apply ourselves to this program. Alcoholics Anonymous just didn't happen. I know what I was talking about now. I was thinking about our legacy, that which has been handed to us, which we need to perpetuate. We have a responsibility because you know there are kids being born today that will be born tomorrow and the next day and next week and next month and next year that will need this program when they get ready to recover from their seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. You know whose responsibility it is to see to it that it's here? It sure isn't mine. We need to understand the program that we belong to. We need to read all of our literature. I don't mean to preach, but it's that important. It's that important. Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. I don't know how you feel about it, but it's a life and death proposition for me. It's been since the day I got here, although I'm just beginning to realize how important it is. And I'm also beginning to understand how to live in harmony with my fellow man. You know, it's okay to practice these 12 steps and recover and begin to develop a relationship with God. But, you know, how good would that be if you were in disharmony with everybody, If you couldn't get along with anybody, if you was always arguing with them or always thinking you were right and just couldn't live in unity with them. You know what I discovered through a loving sponsor? He said to me, John, he says, you need to continue your recovery process. He says there's 12 more principles which you need to understand and begin to apply at your level, at the eye level. I said, what's that? He said, it's 12 traditions. I said I thought that was for the group and for the politicians in AA. he says no I tell you what start reading and read the first one and then we'll talk about it and then I began to do that and he began to convince me that I need to apply those principles to my life at the eye level sure they're good for the group those are the things which keep us in bounds so that we don't take ourselves too serious and think that we're all things to all people I began to see that my common welfare is to stay sober begin to understand that the only authority I have as a loving God is he expresses himself through group conscience and through my conscience. Begin to understand about membership in Alcoholics Anonymous. Who am I to say that so-and-so is not qualified to be a member just because he's got some other problems? Who amI to say that? Begin to learn about autonomy. I didn't know what that word meant when I first read it and I had to ask Wesley. What do you mean autonomous? He says it just simply means to be self-governing. to be self-determined, to do things. And so through those 12 principles, I have learned that it's important for me to love you. I don't care what you feel about me, but my responsibility is to love you, no matter how you feel about me. And that's kind of great. You know, if you've got that attitude, you don't have as many disruptions on a daily basis. You're not always at friction with somebody. You can allow other people the right to be themselves. Not the way you want them to be, but you can allow them to be the human beings. You want to give them the same right to make mistakes because, friend, you and I are going to make them because this is not a program of perfection. What other fellowship offers me the opportunity as an individual? If I keep chattering about how grateful I am, I always think about this story that we get. I was at a meeting in Pompano one night, and the subject matter was gratitude. And, boy, I'm telling you, you should have heard the pearls of wisdom coming out of all those mouths that night about how grateful everybody was to be sober and, boy oh boy. Right after the meeting, the gal says, we need a coffee chairman for next month. Oh. Well, let me see. Next month I've got to do this, I've Got to Do That. Nobody can make coffee next month, but where else other than the program of Alcoholics Anonymous do I have the opportunity? I don't care how you feel about it, but I've got the opportunity to pay back to my program. I can get involved in my home group. I can make coffee. I can moderate the meeting once in a while. They don't let me moderate as many times as I used to because we've got some new people on stream that probably understand that book better than I do. And I can Get Involved outside of my group in Alcoholics Anonymous. I can communicate with other groups in my area as an intergroup representative. And I got involved in general service a few years ago, and now I have been. I believe in the spirit of rotation. I was in general services. I remember how that came about. It was all planned by the hierarchies in my group. And they said, John, you look like good political material. And we've got an election coming up. And he said, You're going to be our GSR. I said, what does it stand for? Then he gave me a service manual to read. You know, there's a book to cover everything in Alcoholics Anonymous. So I found out what a service rep was, and I began to become involved in service. And I'm going to tell you folks, if you're not involved and haven't been involved in the legacy of service in Alcoholic Anonymous, if you've proved you're able to accept responsibility by being a good group member and taking responsibility in the group, I strongly urge you to get involved in general service. The most exciting thing about Alcoholics Anonymous that I found, let me just speak for myself on that, I get a chance to debate a lot with people in terms of interpretation of certain items. I get an opportunity to talk to people and I get the chance to really pay back to this program and to get involve in the legacy that assures us of perpetuation. And it's a lot of fun, these quarterlies that we go on in Florida. They're just like many conventions when we get together down there four times a year. We have 200, 250, 300 people at every one of these things. We used to go there to handle the business, but of course now we've expanded. We start on Friday evening, we have meetings, and then on Saturdays we have workshops and then other meetings,and then Sunday we take care of a little business. About two hours of business, the rest of it is fun and fellowship, and i think it's great we have a good time and uh that's the legacy that's exciting to me the legacy of service so that i have found in alcoholics anonymous a total program total life program that offers me an opportunity in so many ways to pay back to the fellowship that saved my life and gives me an opportunity to to really be great and to show that i don't have to talk about gratitude gratitude is an action word and i hope that i've uh i say i've rotated out because i believe in rotation i i was a gsr then they asked me to be a dcm i had to find out what that was too and then i became a district chairman and uh and then while i was district chairman we had some people have been hanging around for years and years and years in our general service and uh everybody came there always thought of them as the gurus You know this. Wait a minute. What are we asking those folks for? What about us making these decisions? Well, they've been here 16 years. Well, I said, well, let's get rid of them. What about the spirit of rotation? So I started talking about rotation. We had a few discussions about rotation I like new blood in AA because there's fresh ideas in new blood. and it was a lot of fun but after your district chairman uh you go to the area level in my area and i stood up i was willing but it was thumbs down for old john williams i didn't get elected anything so i'm not active in service at the present time at that level but seems like god always places something in front of me like he did that state convention that kept me busy for a year and before that i had gotten involved in the quarterly i chair quarterly that our our district hostages. But I guess I want to just say this before I close. The greatest thing that's happened to me is that in Alcoholics Anonymous, I have found the God of my understanding, something that has added meaning to my life, has added purpose to my wife, and gave me a sense of well-being. It's this conversion where I go from total powerlessness over alcohol to this total reliance on the power that I found in Alcoholic Anonymous. Lack of power was my dilemma, according to the big book Alcoholics Anonymous. And then it says that's exactly what this book is all about, to help you find the power that will solve your problem. So I guarantee you that if you go and delve into and study the first 164 pages of this big book, you will find a power that Will Solve Your Problems. I just happen to call that power God. It just fits me good. And it's an altogether different relationship than I had when I was being raised in North Carolina by good folks. I had to go to church every Sunday, went to Sunday school. But I came away from that experience thinking that God was a punishing God. Every time I'd fall and scratch myself up, I'd say, I wonder what I did this time. I wonder why I'm doing this. I wonder where God's getting me for this time? And that was the kind of an attitude I took until I became an adult and I just got further and further away from That Proposition. I figured, you leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone. And that's the way it went until I came into Alcoholics Anonymous. When I first came in, I called myself an agnostic. You know, that sounds like it's, you know, if you say you're an agnostic or an atheist and you're talking to other people, they say, boy, this guy's come a long way. You see, he was an agnosic. Well, I wasn't an agnotic. You know what I discovered about three years ago exactly what I was? I was listening to a talk show on radio. Two preachers talking on this. They were the guests on this talk show, and they were talking about those kinds of things, and this guy called in on the telephone to talk to one of them. He said, I'm an agnostic. And the preacher said, whoa, well, let me just ask you a question or two. And he says, have you ever studied the Bible to try to understand those kinds OF things? And the guy said, no, I haven't done that. He said if you've ever taken any kind of religious instructions so that you can perhaps have someone who knows transfer that information to you. He says, no, I haven't done that. The preacher says, son, you're not an agnostic. You're an ignoramus. And when I heard that, I knew exactly what my problem was. That was what I was with respect to a God of my understanding when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous. But somehow through the beauty of this program, through the way that it works, the way that the process takes place. I have discovered a loving God as I understand it. I have faith today in that God. I have trust in that guy. I talk about these kinds of things and it's all the difference between black and white from the way I was when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a great great thing. Son of a gun. And I had something else I wanted to say before I closed. I had it on my mind a minute ago. There it was, just drifted right on by. But I understand today, you know, there's a statement in the big book. This is what I wanted To say. There's a Statement in the Big Book. Here again, you can verify this. It's also on the top of page 133, about the second line down. God intends for us to be happy, joyous, and free. You know, I believe that today. I also know that if I'm not happy, joyous, and free, it's not God's fault. I know where the problem is today. The problem is me. It always has been. That God really intends for me to be happy, joyful, and happy. I can't do like I used to do when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous. I can'T point fingers and try to blame these things on other people. I have to start looking inside and finding out what I'm doing wrong that's preventing me from being happy, joys, and great. Discovered that through the process of the Twelve Steps, which I did not understanding what I was doing, but I wanted to recover. I found these things through the principles of our traditions. Twelve beautiful principles which helped me to stay in harmony with you to make me a whole person. The legacy of service which offers me the opportunity to pay back this fantastic fellowship just in a small way. And it's been a great journey. since September of 1972, coming from that pitiful soul that I was, associating myself with you folks, you teaching me and loving me and carrying me when I couldn't carry myself to the point that I am tonight. I hope that I'm a good power of example. I hope I represent Alcoholics Anonymous well because you never know who's looking at you and I can guarantee you that you're always being watched. I want to thank you for being a good audience. I want to thank once again the committee for inviting me to share just a little bit of me with a whole lot of you. I hope I get a chance to meet some of you that I don't know this weekend. And I hope we can share a little recovery together. Thank you so much. John, thank you very much for sharing. You talked about being put together on the Friday. Well, I was put together on the Monday and half of them didn't show up to work so I didn't have all my parts but when I came into this program you people gave me the part and you've tightened the parts up for me And for that, I'm grateful. Thank you, John. A little something from the committee. A little thank you for sharing with us tonight. I'd like to now remind you that there's a show at 1030 tonight. And I know it's going to be good. And the people that are in it, it's Al-Anon and A.A., and it's usually a great time, so stick around for 10.30, okay? Tomorrow, I'd like to remind you about the sport events that are going to take place. There are still times to sign up in a golf tournament tomorrow morning, and that's the part the fun part too so get involved I'm sure you'll all love it I'd just like to take one more minute before I close and my personal thanks to a man that in the past year I have learned an awful lot and he is the chairman of the 82 Motors And I personally want to thank Jim for a super job putting, with the committee, putting this all together. And I also want to remind the committee don't run away for next year. as it is our custom I would like you all to join me in the Lord's prayer Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it are in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom the power and the glory forever and ever Amen