The Character Defect of Jealousy That Lurks – Polly P.

About This Speaker Tape

Six weeks sober in Texas, Polly P. sat across from her sponsor, Frank, and faced the most brutal truth of her life: she was a child abuser. There was no watered-down version of the truth; she had to stare at the wreckage of her own rage and the humiliation of her secrets. She describes herself as "twisted," a peace-maker at all costs who used dishonesty to avoid the anger of others.

For Polly, the action steps are a form of surgery. She discusses the "drink of jealousy"—that lurking defect that makes her seethe when her husband helps other women—and the struggle for emotional sobriety. She views her deep, dark past as her greatest asset, using her history as a mirror to help other women find compassion for their own broken families. Through a Higher Power and the "gift of desperation," she strives for patient improvement, knowing the dirt must be constantly turned over to keep the soil fresh.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Laughter: Polly P. admits her current character defects are making her nervous about speaking.
• 12:15 Discussion of Step 5 and the importance of finding a trustworthy sponsor.
• 18:30 Polly P. recounts the humiliation of being called a child abuser by her sponsor, Frank F.
• 24:10 The 'gift of desperation' and the feeling of being 'twisted' in her thinking.
• 31:45 Polly P. describes her role as a 'peace maker' and how it masks dishonesty.
• 38:20 The process of forgiveness and the relief of being forgiven by her sons.
• 46:15 Deep dive into Step 6 and the concept of 'patient improvement' using the 12 and 12.
• 52:40 Polly P. discusses her struggle with jealousy and her husband's perception of women as 'girls'.
• 58:10 The story of the farmer and the priest regarding the effort required for character change.
• 64:20 Step 7 and the spiritual experience of admitting one is wrong.