The Bondage of Self and the Man Who Found Himself Fascinating – Paul O.

About This Speaker Tape

Monterey Bay Roundup - 1997

A wall of diplomas and certificates couldn't save Paul O. from the "nut ward," where the only path to redemption seemed to be the manufacture of leather belts. He spent decades as a "mild alcoholic," a neurotic pharmacist who balanced a chemical see-saw of amphetamines to wake up and amytol to crash. For Paul O. the wreckage wasn't a sudden crash but a long slow slide—a giant "V" that hit its lowest point in 1967. The turning point came not from a desire to be sober but from a desire to please a psychiatrist and get out of the hospital. He describes a spiritual life where he "pedals" while his Higher Power "steers," and a recovery based on the hard distinction between accepting a reality and approving of it. He navigates the noise of the "people in his head" by simply stopping the fight finding a gritty kind of peace in the laughter of the rooms and the endurance of a 58-year marriage to Max.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Laughter: Paul O. jokes about being a 'very mild alcoholic' compared to the introduction.
• 2:45 Story about the old-timer's invocation and the crowd's rush for food.
• 6:10 The 'wrong color wine' blunder on a flight.
• 12:15 The carbon dioxide inhalation experiment to cure neuroticism.
• 16:40 Pharmacy school and the cycle of beers and amphetamines.
• 20:10 The 'nut ward' and the absurdity of leather belt therapy.
• 24:30 Meeting Frank and the first experience with AA meetings.
• 31:00 Step 3: The Third Step Prayer and the metaphor of 'pedaling while the Higher Power steers'.
• 36:20 The 'V' chart: Mapping the downhill course of his life until 1967.
• 42:15 Discussion on the difference between acceptance and approval.