The Bondage of Self and the Loving Action – Cliff R.

About This Speaker Tape

2000 Fall Roundup - 2000

Cliff R. maps out a life defined by a 'black rock' of self-obsession and a violent sarcastic temperament that nearly leveled his family. A former high school teacher and debate coach he describes the paradox of being a 'functioning alcoholic'—building a powerhouse speech team fueled by sheer hatred and resentment while hiding hot vodka in his glove compartment. He traces his collapse to a moment of clarity on a beach dump where he surrendered on a filthy linoleum floor. Cliff dismantles the myth of the 'educated' alcoholic recalling how his sponsor a 'little Nazi,' forced him to shut up and take loving actions. He emphasizes that the spiritual core of recovery is found in the 'great laughing love' of the rooms and the act of giving away the solution to keep it transforming a wreckage of five children and a marriage into a shared asset of recovery.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Cliff R. opens with a joke about his lack of a tie and his sponsor's taste.
• 5:15 Discussion of the Promises and the realization of serenity as being comfortable in one's own skin.
• 12:40 Laughter: Cliff describes the 'rainbow' and the taste of sour mash bourbon.
• 18:20 Cliff describes his 'dual disease' of alcoholism and Catholicism.
• 25:10 The '15 martini sunset' and the mental obsession that led to a 'dinky drink' of vodka.
• 32:15 Cliff's early struggles with the program and his tendency to 'punish' meetings by not returning.
• 38:40 The 'black rock' metaphor for self-obsession and the 'eight minutes' of relief.
• 46:10 The 'juggernaut' speech team and the resentment that drove his professional success.
• 54:30 The wreckage of his family life and the 'moment of grace' on the beach.
• 58:10 Step 3: The formal terms of surrender on the linoleum floor.
• 65:20 The role of the sponsor and the 'loving actions' that broke through his self-obsession.
• 72:10 Closing thoughts on the 'great laughing love' and the recovery of his children.