The Bondage of Self and the Director of the Show – Scott S.

About This Speaker Tape

The 1970s were a blur of hotel rooms and fast cars, playing the part of a rock star without a venue to play. Scott S. lived as an "outlaw safecracker," convinced he could wrestle satisfaction from the world if he only managed well. He calls this the great delusion—not denial, but seeing something that isn't there. For decades, he was an actor trying to arrange the lights and the scenery of his own life, only to wrap his car around telephone poles and find himself in jail.

After years of relapsing—even after stretches of eight and seven years—Scott realized he was a "complete and utter failure at life" when relying on his own will. He describes the alcoholic ego as a separate entity that must be kept in check by a Higher Power. By treating the Big Book as a direction manual rather than a suggestion, he shifted from playing God to being an agent for a new Employer. Now, he views his sobriety as a daily reprieve, a fragile state contingent on his spiritual condition.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Scott S. defines being a 'recovered alcoholic' as no longer suffering from the mental blank spot.
• 2:15 Laughter: Scott S. mocks the idea of 'time' in the program, referencing a long-timer who had to leave a meeting for a Blackberry alarm.
• 5:30 Scott S. discusses the four requirements of a 'real alcoholic,' including the physical allergy and spiritual malady.
• 8:10 Discussion of Step 2 and the restoration of sanity versus simply not being 'drunk and stupid.'
• 12:40 Scott S. explains the 'substitution' technique for reading the Big Book's description of self-will.
• 16:15 Emotional moment: Scott S. describes weeping with joy during the Third Step prayer with friends Sam and Michelle.
• 19:30 Scott S. differentiates between denial and delusion, using his 'rock star' phase as an example.
• 23:10 Analysis of the '100 forms of fear' and Scott S.'s childhood struggle with boundaries and responsibility.
• 27:45 The 'New Employer' concept and the story of the sponsor who lost his job and home.
• 31:20 Scott S. reads the Third Step prayer and warns that this is 'only a beginning' before the Fourth Step.
• 35:10 Q&A: Aaron shares his experience with the 'neural pathways' of selfishness and self-centeredness.
• 38:45 Scott S.'s 'moment of clarity' while running on a high school track, leading him to seek a Higher Power.