The Big Book Workshop That Ended Seventeen Years of Half Measures – Charlie P.

I'm an alcoholic. Katie, it turns out I forgot to put that cough drop in. Excuse my voice. Boy, it's good to be here tonight. What a great countdown, great group of folks. I feel like having everybody stand up and do jumping jacks whenever you're at the Saturday night talk. It's like everybody's already been sitting for an hour and a half by the time I get up here. If you need to stand up and move around, feel free to. Boy, I'm happy to be here. My home group is a primary purpose group of Alcoholics Anonymous in Austin, Texas. We meet on Tuesday nights. We study the big book line by line, week after week, and it's a lot more fun than it sounds like. We average about 225 people on a Tuesday night studying the big books. And I think it speaks well for how hungry everybody is for AA. Some of you met my little delicate flower of a bride last night. Katie did a wonderful job last night, and it's always a hell of a time. And then Arlene and Jack this morning were terrific. And it was shocking to me. The high point of the weekend for us, finding out that Gary and Julie Brown were going to be here was big news for us. We really enjoyed getting to spend some time with them. There were only about 50 people at the workshop he did this afternoon. You really missed something. I mean, you may miss something here, too. I could go right off the front of this thing. But good job, Gary. Gary. He got through a lot of the work, you know, and Gary is pretty high up in my lineage. My sponsor was, my deceased sponsor was Mark Houston, and you'll hear me talk about that. His sponsor was Don Pritz, and Don's sponsor was Gary. And I'm big on lineage, and I'm Big on the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. us. It's kind of funny having two alcoholics in one marriage. You know, one alcoholic in a couple is a whole lot. But two, wow. And Katie and I are both very fortunate. We get to go to a lot of conferences. We gets to talk a good bit. And we were also, well, Katie's story and my story have a lot in common. We both talk a lot about Katie. I don't know if it came out in the talk last night, but she and I were best friends for over 20 years before we were ever a couple. I was at her wedding with Joe. We were actually young people in AA at one point. I mean, I was 28, she was 26, Joe was 30. And so the first 20 years we knew each other it was like really like brother and sister we were absolutely best friends there was no flirtation no sexual innuendo mostly because she doesn't play that but um you know but you know so there's been a lot of transition from that going into the couple but when we do we love to do big book workshops and that sort of thing and a lot times you get to see a lot of that energy come out between us, like last night when it turned out. Because all this – I mean, I've had a really rough little patch at work. I've Had some labor problems at work, and it's all working out, but I've been really distracted. There's been a lot going on, and we've been doing several of these conferences, and I had completely forgotten even the whole format for this conference. I kept telling Katie, I go, now what's going on in Indiana? Are we both speaking or are just you speaking? Is it a workshop? shop is a regular talk. She says, it's regular one-hour talks and you're Friday night and I'm Saturday night. And I'm like, okay, well fine. So I'm all geared up yesterday to give my little talk and have it behind me and just chill for the rest of the week and get ready for Katie's talk. Katie notices things that I don't notice. Like that women are in the minority a lot of times and that a lot OF times you'll have a whole group of speakers and they'll all be men, and sometimes we'll go to a conference and here's the one that will get you knocked flat. Guys will come up to Katie and go, I'm so glad you were here because our women really need to hear your message. I just step back, you know, because she's like, oh, so let me get this straight. Women can learn from you men, but I'm only here to speak to the women folk, you know, and I'm like, I could have saved you from that one if you knew this. But so there's some competition, there's some teasing that goes on and stuff like that. And believe me, I'm looking to avoid conflict in that relationship, you know, because if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Anybody familiar with that theory? So we get in the truck with Tim, and Tim has done a great job of hosting us. And he's back there counting up the seventh tradition. But Tim picks us up in his truck, and And we're riding along. Now, Katie's going to be the Saturday night speaker. I'm going to do the – well, I don't remember any of this. But we're running along and Tim says, yeah, the banquet is tomorrow night. That's the one you're speaking at. I said, I beg your pardon? And he goes, yeah. You're speaking as the banquet and Katie's speaking tonight. And I look back and Katie is like this. And I don' t want trouble with Katie. I mean, she's little, but she scares the crap out of me. You know, and so we're riding along. And he goes, yeah, you're the banquet speaker. And then Katie's tonight. And I'm going, oh, no. And then he goes. Remember, you changed it. And I went, what? What? He goes, yes, I asked you about it. And you said make Katie Friday night. And you'll take Saturday night. And I am like, you didn't tell me you had already talked to Katie about it? You know what I mean? Katie and him had already had a conversation where she was going to be Saturday night Oh, my God, it was so funny. and so funny well you got to see a little 10th step in action there but uh but it was funny I mean and then when she got up here to talk I don't know if you guys I think who all was well everybody was here last night let's just say dance trilogy 2013 is going on just on the other side of the wall last night so while Katie's up here talking at one point I thought I thought she was going to bust into Gangnam Style, you know, and then the train going by in the background. I don't know what it is. You know, things trigger you and stuff, and I'm not a big believer in triggers, but Katie said every time that train goes by, she wants to drink. I don'T know what that's about, but when she drives through the woods, she Wants to Roll One Up. So I DON'T know exactly what that is, but I'M really happy to be here, and I want to thank anybody that had anything. Can y'all hear me okay? I want to thank anybody who had anything to do with this thing going on. If you've been around AA for a while, you know that a lot of work goes into putting something like this on. And, you know, and a lot of people did a lot of work to put this thing together. And I want to give them a hand. And if it's like my home group, there's also a lot of people who didn't do a darn thing. But they got got a lot of ideas about how it could have been done just a little bit better, you know, and for them we have a place on the committee for next year. But I like to get, you Know, my sobriety date is March 22nd of 1985, and thank you. I think we all know whose power that is. I just had a birthday, I'm like, I don't know, a couple of weeks and 28 years sober, which is just really nice because for about six months I've got 28 years and Katie's got 28 years. And she thinks that's such a big deal that she's got five months more than me. But like I said, my sponsor was, you know, I should have told you when I got up here. There was a couple of things that she meant to say in her talk that she forgot to say last night. So if you don't mind, I just want to give her the first nine minutes of my talk up here Can I come on? No, I'm kidding. But, you know, I talked to you about my sponsors, and my sponsor now is Myers R. Myers is from Dallas, and we live in Austin, Texas. I grew up in Dallas. We live in Boston now. Austin's 200 miles south of Dallas, and if you find yourself down there, come by and see us. We think we've got the best meeting in the world around Tuesday nights there studying a big book, And I hope to get around to talking about that later. I wear a coat and tie when I get behind the podium about college synonymous because my sponsorship lineage said that it was mandatory. They say it's okay if you don't want to wear a code and tie. You still have to do it, but if you want to do under protest, that'll be just fine. And it's funny, though. Every time I'm getting ready, I'll be going somewhere, and I'll go, Hey, do you think I need to wear jacket and tie for the 24-hour club? And she'll go, are we going to go through this every time you talk? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah, probably so. You know what I mean? But I always wear a coat and tie. You know, it's funny because the bulk of my experience in a coat and tie before I found my way to you people, I had one very simple job. My job was to stand there, and when they noticed me, I'd say, no contest, Your Honor. You know? You know, if you know what that means, welcome. You know. Our book talks about our stories disclosed in a general way, what I was like, what happened, and what I'm like now. And we talk about coming from our own experience. And that's a big part of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I got a little joke I like to tell about this. And some of you may have heard this joke before. Some of you might have even heard me tell this joke before. But it's a good joke and I like the way I tell it, so I'm going to tell it anyway. And it's about this guy and he's driving. Can you all hear on this mic okay? Because I'm pretty much talking right into this one. This is the recording one, isn't it? This is the PA. Butt out. Who's managing back there? That's where, you know, you ever noticed in an AA conference, 11 people will adjust the thermostat. That's my people. I was going to talk about coming out of our own experience. And there's this guy, he's driving along on this little farm-to-market road, and he sees a sign on this fence post that says, Talking Dog for Sale. And he can't stand it. He walks up to the farmhouse, and the guy's sitting there, and he goes, So you got a talking dog for sale? And the guy says, Yeah, he was around back. And he wanders around back, and there's his red hound dog laying there, and he says, So you can talk? And the dog says, Well, I certainly can. And he goes, how in the world did that happen? The doc says, well, when I was young, I started, when I was a pup, I began to learn. I started picking up some language skills. And as I got older, I start developing more and more of the nuances of the language and started working on colloquialism and slang and that sort of thing. And it's really made an incredible life for me. He says, I had a 19-year career with the Drug Enforcement Administration, and I was able to infiltrate some situations that no human agent would have ever been able to get into. But, you know, enough about me. Well, he says, I have traveled all over the world and stayed in some of the finest hotels and eaten cooking from the best chefs in the world. But even more interesting than that, some of my pups have developed foreign language skills and have become foreign diplomats and are working in the United Nations. And he says all in all it's just been a tremendous life for me. And the guy says, well, it'sjust been fascinating speaking with you today. And he goes back around where the farmer is sitting there whittling And he goes, how much do you want for a dog like that? The guy goes, well, I don't know, $40. And he says, why would you sell a fantastic dog like that for $40? And the guy thinks for a second and he goes none of that crap he told you is true. So in any way it doesn't really matter how good the story is if it's not my experience. Well, let's get going here. I got a lot of ground to cover here tonight. I come from Dallas, Texas, and I come from a pretty normal family. My mother was a first grade school teacher for 42 years. I was darn well prepared for the first grade. I come, in fact, I really kind of kicked ass in the first grader. I mean, you know, and my dad was a salesman, and I came from a very normal family, You know, I mean, nobody was drinking in our house. I come from a family of Southern Baptists. I mean I grew up being taught that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell anyway. And – but I've heard enough fifth steps over the years to know that a lot of people had it a lot worse than I did growing up. I meanI come froma pretty regular household. But I did have a sister. I got a sister that's five and a half – In fact, yesterday was her – no. Oh, my God. Today is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday, Carol. Forgot to make that call. She's five and a half years older than I am, and she was perfect. Did anybody else grow up under the burden of potential? Oh, My God. That's all I heard about growing up. You know, why can't you live up to your potential? Mitchell why can't you be more like Charles Malia across the street you know if you could just apply yourself and I remember thinking well that's flattering mom but uh I'm really not holding back that much you know I mean yeah you're kind of getting my best shot I uh I I'm glad to see this as an open meeting uh Tim's got some of his family members here up front I want to welcome you guys I when he told me who you guys were I told Tim I said I guess I'll leave out the Tijuana story tonight, you know. No, but I'm back to my family. My sister was – I'm scared to death I'm going to knock this thing over. Is that okay? My sister was National Honor Society first chair flute player, drum majorette, you name it, she was there and then I'm kind of this thuggish little brother and so – but But going along, you know, none of this stuff made me alcoholic. You know? I mean, it's like I didn't start drinking until I was about 16. Back when I came in, that was kind of young to start drinking. Now it's not even young to stop. You know, I mean – and people – and I got love for young people in there. Don't get me wrong. But, I meantime, I started at 16. And I probably didn't need this program until I Was like 17. You know, I mean, I've been needing a drink for a long time when I got my hands on one. And the first time I drank, I remember thinking, oh, we're going to do this a lot. You know? I mean – how many people, just out of curiosity, remember the first drink you ever took? Right? Do you remember the First Time You Ate Cornbread? something special happened when i drank you know i mean and and what i didn't know was that from that day until i got to you people that drinking was going to move to the center of my life and that anything that got between me and my drinking was gonna get moved out of the way it wasn't a deal i made out loud but it was a deal you can tell looking back and watching me work well you know none of this stuff with my sister or my family or my mom and dad none of that stuff stuff made me alcoholic. I usually introduce myself as a recovered alcoholic. Katie pointed out that this is our big book. My current sponsor owns a book bindery, and all he did here was take the first 164 pages of the big book and leather bind it and cut the story but it's just a regular old big book, you know, but it holds up real well. And it starts making promises to me early on. The first promise in the big look is on the title page and it says, The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism. The book says recovered throughout. In the first edition it says we have Alcoholics Anonymous and more than 100 men and women who have recovered from alcoholism. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. What are we talking about having recovered from? What is it that made, what makes me an alcoholic is I always say I only have two problems with alcohol. One happens to me when I drink it. The other one happens to be when I don't drink it other than that. I don' t struggle with alcohol, you know, when I tell that at the detox center, they never laugh. You know, I always have to go. That's kind of a joke guys. You know what I mean? But the only way that alcohol gives me trouble is when I'm drinking it and when I' m not drinking in the book does a beautiful job of describing it. The reason I like to touch on it is because I spent a great deal of time in Alcoholics Anonymous raising my hand, saying my name's Charlie and I'm an alcoholic. And I had no idea what it meant. Now, I figured if there was such a thing as an alcoholic, I must be one because I didn't know anybody that drank more than I did. I mean, the shortest version, I only talk about alcohol in the rooms of AlcoholicsAnonymous. I'm a big believer in singleness of purpose, and I hope I get a chance to talk about that. I should also warn you I got a little ADD working up here and so sometimes I'll say we're going to get back to that later and what that means is this is not the right time in the pitch to introduce that piece of information but when I tell you we're gonna get back to it later we're probably not coming back I always get real excited when I actually circle back around to one but you know So, what the hell am I talking about here? So when we talk about this, I'm going to get to singleness and purpose in a minute. When we talk About Alcoholism, the book does a beautiful job of describing what happens to me when I drink it in the doctor's opinion in the first 23 pages of the book. And it tells me that I have an allergic reaction, that when I drank something happens that ain't regular. Something happens to my throat. drink, that only happens to about 10% of the population. It doesn't happen to my sister. My sister doesn't have this. And the book describes it as a phenomenon of craving, that when I drink, it triggers a craving for more booze that I can't control, right? My sister didn't have it. Now, I didn't know it. I never felt like I was triggering a phenomenon of craving. Right? I would just go in to have a couple of drinks and I'd change my mind. Right? You know, anybody who's afraid of God, you're just going to go have a couple. And I have a cup of wine, and I believe I've changed my mind. I'm going to stay here and blow the whole paycheck, you know. And that sort of thing. Well, the book does a great job of describing all these things about this phenomenon of craving and this physical reaction to alcohol. And it's a big problem. It's a bit problem that's important when we talk about being armed with the facts about ourselves. else it's a big piece of being able to explain to somebody why we you know what we're talking about you know have him you know because a lot of times if we just bring a guy in and we go if you want what we have and we're willing to go to any lengths to get it he doesn't know what we have he doesn'T even know what he'S got you know so how would he know whether or not he'S willing to GO TO ANY LINKS TO GET IT OR NOT so when we when we break this down for him my first job when i sit down with the new guy is to give him what i call a step one experience or a fatal dose of alcoholism. And the thing we talk about is that I got this physical reaction to alcohol that's peculiar to alcoholics. It says that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. Well, up on page 23 it says these observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. This thing that happens when I drink is a big problem. But if it was my biggest problem, if my biggest problem was what happens when i drink four ounces of vodka, what would be my solution? Come on. Don't drink vodka, right? How hard would that be? Nancy Reagan's little just say no program would have been awesome, you know. Detox centers would turn out winners every time. Just separate me from alcohol, pat me on the butt, and let me go forth. The thing I didn't think about for a long time was that every time I ever took that first drink, the drink that triggers that phenomenon of craving, I was stone cold sober. I don't take the first drink drunk. I make the craziest decision in my life, the decision to try to take another run at this thing, Even though there's no indication that it's going to go well And there's mountains of evidence To support the fact That it's probably not going to do well I make that decision Stone cold sober Because of this second piece of alcoholism And that's that when I stop drinking My problems don't go away When I stop drinkin' I don't get okay It feels like somebody Turns up the heat on my problems a little bit And after a little while I need some relief relief, right? The problem with alcoholism is that when I stop drinking, I get so uncomfortable that I'm eventually going to need some relief. And when I need relief, I can't think about consequences. They say think the drink all the way through. They said stuff like drink no matter what. On page 24, it tells me I drink no matter or what. It says there's a certain, you know, at certain times I'm unable to call into my conscience with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. I'm without defense against the first drink. I can't think the drink all the way through because there will come a time when, you Know, a guy that can make up his mind to stop drinking and pull it off doesn't even belong in alcoholics on us. I mean, what happened for me, I mean there's a thing where it says it says on page 24 that at a certain point in drinking of every alcohol, he passed into the stage where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. I've lost the power of choice and control. And the way I like to talk about this thing, I'm going to go back to identification here for a minute. There is something so so important. When we talk about singleness of purpose, I didn't hear about it for a long time. I mean, I spent a good deal of time in Alcoholics Anonymous not knowing what singleness or purpose was. And what it is, there's an identification that takes place when one drunk talks to another one that's powerful. You know, I mean it's so powerful. The book talks about it on page 18. It says something interesting. Well, you know, one of the things I like to do, you usually will send somebody to pick us up at the airport When we come to do one of these things, and now we knew Tim from Ultimate Weekend. But a lot of times, you know, the guy says he's going to pick you up. And where's my buddy Mike back there? We sat at the pizza place last night. And, you Know, say somebody like Mike is saying, I'm going to come pick you up. And he goes, listen, I want to be down at Baggies Claim. I'm like six feet. And I go, don't even tell me. Don't even Tell me this identification, this thing that takes place. Because I can't tell you how many times we'll come into Baggies his claim. You go down the escalator and I can look around and go, there's our boy right there. And you walk up to him and you go, are you Mike? And he's like, yeah. How did you know? It's because we can feel each other on an energy level. And that's why we talk so much about our drinking. When I sit down with a new guy, I talk about my drinking. We talk about his drinking. At a certain stage, we turn it to alcoholism. And the reason we we do that is on page 18. It talks about how we will BS our way in. We've got to be the only group of people that will go into a psychiatrist's office and pay them $175 an hour and lie to them the whole time, you know? I mean, seriously, if they say, do you drink? What am I going to say? Yeah, I like to get a half gallon of vodka and a case of beer every morning and see what else I can scuffle up during the day. No, I'm going to say, well, you You know, a couple of beers, you know. Maybe if I'm mowing the yard, you know. Like I've mowed the yard lately, you know. I mean, but it says, strangely enough, wives, parents, and intimate friends usually find this even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist or the doctor. Here's where it gets interesting. It says, but the ex-problem drinker who's found the solution, who's properly armed with the facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Why is that important? It says until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. That identification of one drunk talking to another one, that's what AA started as and that's how it works best today. We feel each other on an energy level and it's so important that out of all the 12-step programs that are out there, and there's a bunch of them, There's Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous Gamblers Anonymous Overeaters Anonymous I even heard there's a Lip Balm Addicts Anonymous In case anybody's ever suffered from that heart-breaking malady You know, I mean There's always somebody out there with their Carmex going I feel you brother But out of all the 12-step programs that are out there The only difference in any of them Is the first part of the 1st step And the middle part ofthe 12th step what I'm powerless over and who I carry the message to. Otherwise, we'd all meet in the same room. But that identification, that's why we have singleness of purpose. It's not that we're trying to keep the filthy dope fiend out of our AA meetings. It's we want that whatever somebody's malady is, we're desperate that they find a fellowship that they identify in as much as I identify in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous. traumas. You know, we feel each other. That's why geographic cures don't work. You know, I could have flown into, you know, Indiana and I look around, I see Mike and I go, oh, he looks like he parties, you know, and here we go again. You know what I mean? Because we can sense each other out. And it's the same way if I see that I think you drank like I did and you're telling me you're on the other side of it, I might be willing to take action that I don't even believe in And, you know, so hopefully you'll never hear any of my sponsors say my name is so-and-so and I'm an alcoholic and anything because it doesn't apply. When we're in Alcoholics Anonymous, we're identifying as alcoholics. If I'm in a Cocaine Anonymous meeting, I would identify as a cocaine addict. You know, but in an AMA exam, an alcoholic into anything, it'd be like saying I'm a alcoholic and a Texan or an alcoholic in a contractor or something like that. And we could go on about Texans. My dad used to say you should never ask somebody where they're from because if they're from Texas, they'll tell you. And if they are not, you shouldn't embarrass them. That's awful, isn't it? I said that in Las Vegas one time and the Blackjack dealer said, You know why they know Jesus wasn't from Texas? I said, No, why? He said, They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. surgeon. You know, I was like, you got me. Well, so, you know, when we go on talking about that, and when you talk about, you know, that identification, some of the way you can tell how important it is is when it's not there. When I was in treatment, it was Christmas time, and there was, and the reason I say, I'm a big boy today. I'm lot bigger than I ought to be, but I was 30 or 40 pounds heavier when I showed up for treatment. The reason I say that is I was highly interested in this Christmas dinner at this treatment center. And it's Christmas Day, and we got our food, and it's like the whole deal. And I'm just getting ready to sit down, and the door swings open, and in walks about four or five do-gooders from one of the local churches, and they've come to sing Christmas carols to us heathen alcoholics. Right? You can imagine my excitement. And I watch this lady And she's going around And she walks over and says something to this lady And then she says something To this guy And then She says something This lady And I can tell She's working her way towards me And when She gets to me She leans down and She says Are you a patient here I said yes I am She said I know exactly What you're going through I said really She said yes I was once addicted to caffeine And I'm like oh ain't that a bitch Right Let me ask you something. Did you ever pawn your dad's sterling silver to go get a can of Folgers, you know? I mean, she was trying to identify, but bless her heart, it just wasn't there, you know? I mean that's what we talk about. But, you know, I started drinking and I started having a lot of effects on me. It started getting sloppy. You know, one night, I got to move through a lot of this because a lot has happened in sobriety, but it started getting away from Because, I mean, it says men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. I loved it. I love drinking. I probably still love vodka more today than most people that are out there drinking it. I loved the effect introduced by alcohol, and drank a lot. It started getting sloppy, though. One night, I was a blackout drinker. I thought you were supposed to. I mean I was about oblivion. I was the frequent blackout drunker. Katie was a brownout drinkers. I was blackout drinking. And one night I left this bar and had five Long Island teas, and it turns out that's too many. And I'm leaving this bar, and there's a crash. And you know those nights when your vision is real narrow and I can see the fender of the car? I guess Katie thinks it's important for me to tell you this was my mother's car. I was so poorly treated as a child that I ran away from home for good at the age of 28. I'm serious. Never went back. You know, I was in and out. But, I mean, you know, but I'm driving. I wrecked every car my mother ever had, you Know, And I'm diving this station wagon this night. Bam! There's a wreck, and I can see the fender, But we're still rolling. So I keep my foot on the gas, And I go around the corner, And I grab my shoes. For some reason, my shoes are off, And I run back to the bar to report the car stolen. stolen and uh i mean and this is not an extraordinary night in the life of charlie parker this is just you know a thursday night and as i'm running back to the bar i look over and there's two cops over in the street and there'S GLASS AND ONE OF THEM'S GOT THE BIG FLASHLIGHT AND HE'S SHOUTING IT DOWN AND THERE'S GLAS TWINKLING EVERYWHERE IN THE STREET AND AS I'M RUNNING BY I'M THINKING MAN THEY GOT HERE REALLY FAST YOU KNOW I MEAN SO ANYWAY I RUN BACK TO THE BAR AND I CALL THE NEXT ONE THEY CALL AND THEY SAY MR. PARKER YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO to take a polygraph test before you can pick your car up. And I said, well, why is that? And they said, Well, it was in an accident before it was reported stolen. And I say, You're kidding. And they say, No, they ran into a parked police car. And I remember thinking, That explains how they got there so fast. Because I'd really been a little foggy on that one. Norm Alpey was one of our great speakers. And Norm used to talk about seconds and inches and about how our lives were saved and changed by seconds and inches. And I had a lot of breaks like that where, like, if those two cops had been unfortunate enough to be standing there when I came down the street that night, I could still be in the penitentiary. I got a lot OF breaks and a lot Of things went my way. You know, when we talk about losing with choice and control, as it started getting sloppy, I was a big fan of pawn shops, you know. I mean, we drunks, we can put together some solid plans, right? I mean we do. We put together good plans that you could take over the University of Indiana and they'd look at it and go, pretty solid plan, you now. And our plans work right up until they stop working, you kno. And any other pawn shoppers here tonight were my people. Come on, don't be afraid, you kno. I loved pawn shops. I loved the whole equation of a pawn shop. I loved it. I loved purity of it. One of the things I liked about it was that I never had a pawnbroker go, good God, man, weren't you just in here this morning? Or what are you going to do with this money? You just take in the deer rifle and you get the money. And then you take inthe shotgun and youget the money and you take it. And the thing was I had 90 days to get everything out, So we had this little cycle going, and that was my plan. Now I should point out, a key part of the story is that I didn't own very much stuff. So I'm having to pawn stuff that didn't belong to me. And that complicates things a little bit. But I had 90 days to get everything out. So one day I pulled an insurance scam, and it was enough to get all the money, everything out of the pawn shop. And one thing is first-order business, like Jack was saying earlier, was to go settle my tab at the bar because it was important to have a tab. You know, there was one bar in Dallas that would let me run a tab, and I'd go by there, I'm just going to settle my table. I might have a couple of beers. I'm not going to burn it down. I've got stuff to do. I didn't know I was going in to trigger the phenomenon of craving. I mean, none of this stuff is stuff I knew when I got here. I never walked into that spillway pub in East Dallas and went, oh, Bobby, Bobby. Bobby, spiritual malady is on me today. I had a beer on the way over here, and it has triggered a phenomenon of craving that is just killing me. You know what I mean? I just go in, and I have a couple beers, and i come out of a five-day blackout. Now, I had lot of blackouts. I didn't have many of these. This was five days. is, don't remember anything. And I come out of that blackout and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed at my mother's house and I got $8 in this pocket and in this bucket I still got all those pawn tickets. And I hadn't gotten a darn thing out of the pawn shop. And we've all had those mornings, you know, where you're just like, oh no. Because I shot my wad on the first insurance scam, and now I got nothing. And my dad was a good man. My dad worked hard for his stuff. Nobody was giving him his stuff, and here I am out pawning everything, and I knew that wasn't right, and I can't just let his stuff go to the pawn shop. So I would have to go to my father and say, Dad, listen, if we act now, I can get you a pretty good deal on all your stuff. but uh if we wait till tomorrow it's strictly retail you know and for the avalanches in the room believe me we know that ain't funny i mean i have to tell that story like it's a joke i should tell you that i'm a big guy i'm competitive shotgun shooter i ride harley davidson's i do all this stuff i'm liable to cry like a little girl in a pink dress up here at any minute you You know, when I think back on the desperation of that day of having to go to my father and say, Dad, we've got to go get all your stuff. And the thing about it, the reason I tell this story when we're talking about the loss of choice and control, was this was in Dallas, and Dallas is a big spread-out town, low and flat like Los Angeles. And so it's not just going to the pawn shop. It's we've Got to Go on East Grand and Get Your Deer Rifle and I'll Have Your Shotgun on Garland Road and we've got to go over to Oak Cliff and get the metal detectors and your sterling silvers out on Beltline Road and then we've gotta go over on Harry Hines so it was all day in the car with me and my dad and all that shame and as we're driving around I would be going Dad I swear to God I will never do this again and if I was lying to him I damn sure didn't know it because it felt like I meant it with every fiber of my being. I will never do this again. What I didn't know right in that truck with him was that I didn' t have the power to make that on that promise. When I was promising him that I'm never going to do this again, I might as well have promised him that I was going to flap my arms up here this evening and fly around this room and come back and land on the stage because I didn''t have the power to do it. on my own power i drink again you know that's the way i read the book today i don't have my sponsors you know write down all the ways their life is unmanageable we talk about that more in two and three but in step one the more i show the book it seems like it's saying simply can you or can you not manage the decision to stop drinking and step one that's what we're trying to get it down to and we're try to tell them what that terrible cycle looks like because when you got Got it like I got it. And what happens is I drink until I have to stop, and then I stop until I have to drink. And if you're caught in that terrible cycle, believe me, there's a bottom below the bottom you know. You know, before I get here, anybody else have a talent for getting drunk at exactly the wrong time? You know? And whenever I do it, they'd always ask you that question. They'd always say, why did you do it again? Why did you drink again? And I'd give them the only answer we got, which is what? I don't know, man. I don' t know. Well, this is why I got this terrible cycle. I got a mental obsession that makes me powerless over the first drink and I got a physical allergy that makes me powerless over the second drink. It says when this sort of thinking is fully established in a person an alcoholic, he's probably placed himself beyond human control. The reason the book spends almost half of our recovery text talking about step one is because it drives everything. It drives everything If I don't have that flamethrower at my backside driving me through the rest of this work, I'm going to peter out partway through it. Well what happened was all this stuff drove me to Alcoholics Anonymous You know it's funny, there's a thing on page 152 where it talks about the jumping off place and it says He cannot picture life without alcohol alcohol. Someday he'll be unable, that's not what drove me to AA. It says someday he'll be unable to imagine life either with or without alcohol. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He'll be at the end. He will wish for the end, he'll, he will be at the jumping off place. He wished for the year. That's what brought me to you people was like I knew I couldn't keep drinking the way I was drinking and I couldn t imagine not drinking at all. Anybody remember coming into your first meetings and watching people get a 90-day chip, and you're going, what? This has nothing to do, I never tell this story, but I love it. This friend of mine took a guy to his first meeting. He picks him up on a wet, drunk 12-step call, works with him all morning, takes him to a meeting. When they give out the chip, this guy's drunk and drinking coffee in the morning. They go over to a 530 meeting in the afternoon, when they give out chips, this guy gets up and takes a 90-day chip. And when he sits down, the guy goes, what are you doing? He goes, you don't have 90 days. You were drunk this morning. And the guy says, oh, I thought that meant how long you wanted to stay sober. You know, I can relate to that. You know? I mean, it seemed like 90 days ought to be long enough. tough, you know. I mean, for God's sake. But that's what drove me into AA. And what happened was I got hooked up with a sponsor because I've got to get moving because I got some ground to cover here in sobriety. I come into AA and I get a sponsor and he was a wonderful man. He opened his entire world to me. He taught me a lot about principle and character and doing what you say you're going to do if for no other reason than you He said, you're going to do it. He taught me a lot of the stuff that our sponsors teach us. You know, he taught me to get to the meeting five minutes early, get your coffee, go to the bathroom, don't be popping up and down during the meeting. I'm not talking about you, Julie. And, you know, I mean, you Know, and some of that sort of thing. Thank the speaker after a conference. Don't get up and Down. You know all these all these little things. I learned an awful lot from this guy, you know, and we went through the steps to the best of our ability. And I like to say, you know, he wasn't technically perfect on working the steps. But in fact, a lot of times I say it was just barely enough to save my life. You know, we went through the steps and we did a fourth step. And there was a time when I actually kind of thought I was a big book guy. My home group was a Tuesday night big book meeting den. And it was a lot different than the one we're in now. But, I mean, this guy was teaching. I'll love Jim Fletcher to the day he dies. I mean this guy did so much for me. But I missed a lot, you know, and I would read the book, and I Would just miss an awful lot. And what happened was, you Know, there's a thing. Gary touched on it real well today. But there's A thing about Step 3. And I Was in constant collision in sobriety, you Know? I'm in sobrietty, and it Just felt like, I Mean, I'm not. I Was working a program, as It turns out. Katie talked about it last night. I was working a program based on not drinking. I was work in a program based on abstinence from alcohol. And you know that guy. I mean, I'm in constant collision with something or somebody. I'm blowing up marriages. I hit the wall at about four and a half years of sobriety. I've blown up a marriage. I got a child support check. Now, Katie's watching all this. This is while we're best friends. Because we were pretty new when we met each other. I was at her wedding to Joe. And, you know, so she's watching all this stuff. I meet this girl. Katie tries to tell me that she's a little wacky. I mean, oh, I swear to God. Katie, she goes, I don't know what it is with you men. She goes, women can spot crazy in a woman's eyes like that. And she goes for you men, it's like it's an aphrodisiac or something. You know, I'm like, give me that one. You know? And she said that. I swear you guys, she said it at a conference here a few weeks ago. and two guys brought their girlfriends up to her and said, would you look in her eyes and tell me if she's, you know what I mean? And the girls are going, couldn't believe it. Well, anyway, so I'm doing the steps as best of my ability. But, you Know, I didn't really understand what the problem was. And, You know, Mark Houston, I really hope to get around to talking about Mark a lot. How many people ever met Mark Houston? Anybody in this room? I know he was up there. Oh, my God. Get a hold of some Mark Houston CDs. For my money, the man was like a modern-day mystic. I just can't say enough about him, but I'm going to try. He taught us, you know, like how do you know what you don't know? I didn't know what I didn' t know. I'm doing the best I can, but I' m hitting the wall in sobriety. And, you know, because my story has a lot to do with untreated alcoholism in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, Because I'm sober and I'm going to the meetings and I am doing the best I can. And I'm doing a 10th step if I really screw up and that sort of thing. But, I mean, I'm not really doing, you Know, well, I'll get to that in a little bit. Maybe. But, you Now, what happens is I keep hitting the wall. And, You know. I hit the wall at four and a half years of sobriety. And I hit the wall at seven years of sobriety. And at seven, what happened at four and a half years? I hit it the wall, and I pull back, and I lick my wounds for a minute, and I take another run at it. And I get into another relationship. I waited the appropriate amount of time before I got into another relationship, two weeks. And then I meet this girl in AA. Oh, Katie really didn't like this one. And I had to hit the ball again at seven years. And at 7 years, I remember thinking, I made a conscious decision. And I remember going, screw it. I've tried it your way, and I'm getting knocked to the mat every time I step into the ring. I'll show you what half measures will get me. I was like, forget rigorous honesty. And I actually started doing some things. I get into a dishonest marriage based on a lot of fear about money. The most dishonest thing about that marriage was me. And I'd come off some really rough patches, two divorces back-to-back. Looks like we're not going to make it. Next thing you know, I'm dating a woman that makes a couple million dollars a year. And she's got a penthouse apartment in New York City and this beach house in the Hamptons. And some of those things were attractive. And I get in this relationship, you know. And Katie was really not down with this one, you Know. And I'm like, well, so what? You know, this is during her Christian period, you Now, the Amish period. I swear to God, I mean, I am like, oh, I Am sorry it doesn't fit with your Christian values. I'm the only friend she didn't run off during that period. I mean, it was unbearable. I mean – she's not kidding. That picture when she's got the big glasses of her and Joe LaCombe, it cracks me up, you know. I mean that was her talk, though, and we're not going back there. So I get into this, and I'm in this deal, and i'm walking along, and, you know, there's a lot of unrest, and there's There's a lot of, you know, but I mean, I'm doing okay. But I mean like some little dishonesty starts to creep in. I'm a business owner and you start forging some little insurance certificates and little just mildly dishonest thing. I mean interstate wire fraud and that sort of thing. You know, and little things like that. But I'm just doing what I do. It feels like I'mdoing what I've got to do to get by. When it says our alcoholic life seems the only normal one, By the time I'm doing it, it doesn't feel like it's delusion and self-will. It just feels like I'm going to do what I've got to do to get by. And so I'm Going Along, and, you know, because Mark used to say most people arrange their behavior to match their values. We lower our standards to match our behavior, you Know? So by the time i'm doing this stuff, it didn't even feel like i'm operating outside of my value system, right? because I have slammed my value system to the ground. I know this probably doesn't happen in Indiana, but it was rampant in Texas. And so I'm going along, and I'm still very much a day-to-day member. I'm very much about staying sober, and I'm, and I'm going to the meetings, and I'm not having any surgeries. If I do, I'm doing it without medication. I was scared to death of getting loaded, you know? And, and well, so I'm out there in the Hamptons one weekend. We had some company out there, And we're flying back in, and we charter a plane to fly us from the East Hampton Airport out on Eastern Long Island back into LaGuardia, and then we're going to go to dinner and that sort of thing. I had some company up from South Carolina. And we were flying along, and this is the first time in my life I've ever chartered a plane. And we get in this little six-seater Cessna, and when we take off, we've got a little 25-year-old pilot that he had a tie on, and he looked really respectable. And we get in this plane, and we take off, and it's about this time of night. And we're – and we fly. We get out over the Peconic Bay, where the Long Island Forks. And we go on – I'm in the co-pilot seat flying along. We're looking around. I'm showing them Shelter Island, and there's this, and here's that. And all of a sudden, we're in a glider, you know. And all of a sudden, it feels like I'm in a Volkswagen 3,500 feet up in the air. And I reached down. Now, I'm going to co-pilot. See, I am not a co- pilot. But I reached out and I put on my headphones. Now, the thing you don't want to hear your pilot saying when you put on the headphones is he's going, come on, come on, and they're like, what? And on the little radio, they said, you're cleared for Gabreski. And there's an airport at 10 o'clock right there. I can see the runway lights. We're not going to make it. We're definitely not going to clear the trees. And he says, you don't understand. I've lost engine power. I can't make land. I'm going to have to ditch. And I'm sitting there going... I mean, I'm a gambler my whole life. What are the odds of that? You know? The first time we ever charter a plane, we're going to put it in the drink at night. You know, and so he brings it around And he says, brace for impact. Anybody know how to do that? You know? So we hit the water, and it's like splashdown at Six Flags times 100. There's water and spray and noise, and the windshield comes in, and the cowling comes off, and all this stuff. And then absolute silence. And I remember thinking, I think we're okay. Absolute silence. About that time, I feel something on my leg. Well, this wasn't much of an airplane. Really crappy boat. You know, I mean, this thing, about the time I realize we're going to be okay, I feel water and it goes up like that because the windshield has come out. And I'm in the front and the engine goes down. And all of a sudden, I go up to get some air, and there's nothing but water and the roof of this plane. And I remember thinking, so that's it. I die in this airplane today because the doors wouldn't come open and we're underwater and there's no air and I go back underwater and I start really jacking that door and it comes open and I grab the thing and when I felt my legs come free when I pull on the roof my first thought was kind of like what Katie talked about last night my first thoughts was I'm out I'd like to tell you my thought was get your wife get the dog It was five adults and my dog, but I remember saying, I'm out. And I went up and I got some air, and I came back down and pulled my wife out and went back down, got the dog. Wasn't willing to commit quite as much of my body inside of the plane for the dog, but, you know, as it turned out, the only non-survivor was the dog and we all got out, but just barely. And while on live from the headlines on CNN with Anderson Cooper And, you know, friends of mine are like, what? You know, and the reason I tell all this is because it changed my perspective. I started looking at things kind of differently. And, and, you Know, something like that, you know, for a lot of us will, will give me a new level of surrender. And what happened to him was I had started noticing that, now Katie noticed it a lot earlier, but it turns out I was a little bit self-centered, right? Huh? You know, maybe even self-obsession. You know just, you know it turns out it's mentioned in our book. You know I've missed it for a long time and I want to talk about that because what happened was I called up John Henry. This guy in Austin. I said John Henry, I'm so self-centered that I can't even be in a conversation with somebody. You know? I mean I just have to force myself to go how are the kids? You know and act like I give a flip about the answer. because I don't, you know. And I only care about me. I mean, one time I walked in the AA club and this guy goes, hey, Charlie, how you doing? I said, good, Steve, how are you? And he goes, man, we need to go back out to Vegas sometime. And I go, I'm 15 years sober at this time. And I tell him, yeah. I turn away from him and I am horrified because I got no memory of ever being in Vegas with this guy. You know, I mean – and I'm like, what is he talking about? He seems pretty sure of it. And then I realized that one time four of us had gone out to Vegas together, you know. And the reason I didn't remember being in Vegas with this guy is because I wasn't in Vegas with this guys. I'm in Vegas with me. And he just happens to be along for the ride. Anybody, well, that's the level of self-centeredness that I carry around, you now. And so, I mean, and I start seeing this and I started working with guys and what happens is as we start working with these guys I started, you know, getting into a different level of the work. Because, you Know, Mark used to say what happens is Mark used to say your ego can be used for good cause because there were times when I'm working with these. John Henry took me out to a treatment center and I started working with These guys and I got 17 years at the time. Well, these guys are asking me questions that I don't know the answers to. You know, I ain't been in a book for a while. And, you Now, so what would happen was Mark used To say the ego can can be used for good cause, because you're not going to stump me with that question again. You know, so I'm going out there and I'm telling these guys, go home and read the doctor's opinion and Bill's story. And I'm Going Home and Reading the Doctor's Opinion and Bill Story. And there were times where it felt like I was a step ahead of these guys. And I go back through the work with Myers. And then one day Katie and I wound up going up to this big book workshop up in Denton, Texas. And what had happened was a guy had called and he said, I heard about a big book workshop in Dallas. us. I get this flyer, I've been listening to Chris R., this one-eyed guy from Texas that some of you may have heard of, and his brother Myers is my sponsor now, and we're talking about all this stuff, and I knew that, I see this big book workshop, and it says Mark H. and this other guy, and I told Katie, I said, I don't think this was what Dick was looking for, but this might be something we're interested in, because I like the Chris R. guy, and i know that Mark H is Chris's sponsor. So why don't we go to this thing? Very strange that at this point in our untreated alcoholism, that we would wind up going but we're getting into working the steps again. And we go off to this thing because when I say strange, we wouldn't have even been that excited about going to a big book study meeting at that time. You know, I like discussion meetings because I like to talk about me, you know, and I almost never get to share at a big books study meeting, you And I'm not drawn to it, you know. So we go to this workshop and Mark is up there and he is talking. And at one point, I remember leaning over to Katie and going, what book is this guy reading from? I've been around AA a long time and I've never heard any of the stuff he's talking about. And so I started going back through with Mark. Mark wound up moving to Austin. He became my sponsor because Myers lived 200 miles away. way, and I started doing a whole new level of the step work with these guys. And I discovered that there's a level of AA going on that I had never been involved in. You know, it's guys like Gary and Chris and Myers and Bob D from Vegas and Chris Schroeder from New Jersey and some of these guys, you know, I'm a big fan of the tapers. I don't want to forget to say that I think this is a very valuable thing they're doing because a whole lot of of my education came from driving around, listening to people talk on CDs that know more about this stuff than I do. And I really want to thank you for being here because if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have those things to listen to. All of a sudden, you know, we start working the steps together and what happened was as I'm going back through the steps and I got, oh great, well I got a little time. My flight's not until one o'clock tomorrow. That countdown took about four hours, didn't it? No, I got a timer here, but we did get a late start, so we're not going to be that much longer. When I talk about what I missed, a lot of the biggest experiences happened in this time was a new understanding of step one, that stuff we were talking about earlier, and it It turns out step three meant something way different than I thought it meant. If there's a mistake being made in AA, I think one of the biggest mistakes we made is going right from see that God cut him what he saw to the third step prayer. Because on page 60, the book takes a big right turn on page60, and I missed it for about 17 years. Because what happened was I had just gone right from, you know, On A it says, on 60 it says that these chapters make clear three pertinent ideas. A, that I'm an alcoholic and cannot manage my own life. Now we know what that means, right? B, that probably no human power could have relieved my alcoholism. And C, that God could and would if he were sought. And that's where for some reason we started chanting like a bunch of kids at summer camp for some reason. For God's sake, give me a minute to rant on this. You know, I mean, when I came into AA, we would do the Lord's Prayer and they would say, keep coming back. The reason I say this is because I think about the new guy coming into AA. You know? When I came in, we'd hold hands, do the lord's prayer, and we'd say, Keep Coming Back. Okay? And then it was, Keep coming back, it works. And then there was, keep come back, if you work it, then you're worth it, so work it. And I'm like, Oh, for God's sake! You know what I mean? You know. I picture the new guys coming in going, Geez, I want to stop drinking whiskey, but do I really really have to do this whole shave and haircut, two bits, you know, and all that stuff. And there's this thing, the reason I think, because if the new guy hears it two or three times in AA, he's going to think it's AA, you now? So see, then everybody goes, God could and would if we ever saw it. And Mr., what's the point? You can knock that off any time you want. You know, but I love you, and I'm glad you're here. You know, I mean, but, you know, because it happens. It's never ill intention. We're always trying to do something cute or clever or something like that. But after a while, you Know, where's the end to it? You know? And so anyway, I digress. One of the mistakes I see being made is that we go from seeing that God could and would if he were sought to the third step prayer. That was my experience in the step work. And if that happens, you know, we go, are you alcoholic? Yes. Do you believe there could be a power that can take you beyond where you are? Yes. Well, then let's get down on our knees, do the third step prayer, and get you right in inventory. That's what happened to me. That's What I Did. And if you do that, you miss this body of work from pages 60 to 63 that Gary talked about, that Katie talked about. It's really not very important. It's just the root of our problem and the basis of my recovery for the rest of my life. Other than that, skip it, you now. Because you know what it says after C? It says, being convinced we were at step three. And then you go down there and it turns out there's a requirement for step three It says the first requirement is that I be convinced That any life run on self-will Can hardly be a success I remember seeing that one day and going Where did that come from? Surely that was only in the fourth edition You know know because not only was i never convinced that my life run on self-will could hardly be a mistake that sentence had never touched me right and it goes on to talk about this actor running the whole show and how i get in constant collision with something or somebody and this delusion i have if everybody just do like i say um we'd all be better off you know i don't have time to talk about that, but I mean, it's big stuff. And then it goes on to say on the next page, selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. You go down below that and it says above everything, we had to be rid of this selfishness. What does above everything mean to you? Isn't it interesting? It doesn't say above everything I got to stop drinking vodka. It's telling me that if I don't get rid of the selfishness, I'm going to drink vodka. Vodka never was my thing. You know, Chuck C. used to like to tell a story about this guy that was afraid of dogs. And he'd been afraid of dolls his whole life. And he's doing an inventory one day, and he realizes that when he was a kid, one of the neighborhood dogs had bit him. But when he inventories it a little further, he realizes that he'd be chasing one of those neighborhood girls across her yard when her dog had come out and bit him. And he said, all my life I've been running from dogs and chasing women and dogs never were my problem. That's the way it was for those first years of sobriety for me. I'd been working a program like the problem was alcohol. Alcohol never was the problem. Alcohol was the only thing I'd ever found that would ease the pain of a life based completely on selfishness and self-centeredness. And this is where we shift our focus to in to work. And when we get into the inventory process, now we're talking about looking at manifestations of self. It says stuff like being convinced that self manifested in various ways was what it defeated us. We considered self's common manifestations. So the fourth step is about considering the way self shows up, common manifestations of itself. It's an amazing process and it goes way deeper than I've ever gone before. You know, I got to finish up, but I just want to to tell you that uh what happened was we started going through the steps and i'm having an experience i've never had before i had a new experience with the third step got a new experienced with four and five six and seven has got some meat on the bone now it wasn't just this heady little prayer of god make me a better dude i had stuff coming right out of the fourth column that i'm taking to God as being objectionable, and I don't have the power to change it. And please take away what stands in the way of my usefulness. And that sort of thing. And then we get into the amends process. And Mark was serious about amends. I mean, at 17 years sober, I put together a stack of amends cards that thick. I got one left. I've got one sitting on my desk. And I'm going to make it in in the next couple of weeks. Gary's trying to get me to add another one in there, but we're going through the steps. We started doing this stuff. We started getting together and going over our eight-step list. Me and my sponsees, we have what we call spiritual consent with each other and we're giving you the right to call me on anything you see me doing whether it hurts my feelings or not because otherwise we enter into these unsigned death pacts with each others where I'm saying, Don, you don't say anything about my porn addiction. I won't say nothing about your gambling. Deal? Deal. And we make these unsigned death pacts with each other where we're not going to call each other out. I got some guys in my life that are willing to, they'd rather step on my toes than stand on my grave. And I thank God for those guys because the level of work we're doing now is unbelievable. Now, you know, we're about making all the amends. We're about actually doing a 10-step spot check inventory through the day, doing an evening review and the 11th step, getting up and doing morning meditation. You know, the funny thing about it is we've got a group of guys. We like to think of ourselves as a little pocket of enthusiasm, a little group of big book thumpers. And sometimes I go, look how hard it is to get us to just do a basic fundamental AA program. We're not talking about any advanced stuff here. We're just talking about stuff like, well, there's a few notes I've got here. On the basis of trusting and relying on God, letting God demonstrate through me what he can do, Two, asking God to mold my ideals. Fitting ourselves to be a maximum service to God and our fellows. Reminding ourselves that we've decided to go to any length for victory over alcohol. Saying to ourselves many times each day, thy will be done. Try saying it a couple of times each time. You know, how much better would our lives be if we were just working a basic, fundamental AA program just the way it's laid out in the big book? I assume we're all Dallas Cowboy fans here. You know, so I've been a fan of the Cowboys since they were good. You know? And I've gone to the games my whole life. And what happens is one day this fancy calls me and he says, hey, my family's got a skybox at Texas Stadium. You want to go watch the Eagles game Monday night? And I said, yes, I do. And we go to this game and we park in a private little parking lot and we go up this quiet little escalator and we're going into this civilized little hallway way, and we go into their skybox, and there's trays of cookies and buckets of ice. And I'm looking around, and I don't know whether to be excited about being in the skybox or to be pissed off about having sat in the cheap seats for 20 years. That was exactly my experience in Alcoholics Anonymous. After 17 years, I found out there was people doing it at a level that I never even dreamed of. I almost missed it. If I died in that plane crash in 2003, 2003, I would have missed the whole deal. If you had come to me when I was 17 years sober and said, Charlie, what is going to change your life and set you on fire is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous coming right out of the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous, I would Have told you you're crazy, man. I've been in AA for 17 years. I know what it offers me. I've never stuck a toe in the water. You know, coming to these conferences gets us fired up But like Katie says, a moment of clarity that's not followed by action is of no value. Get with somebody. You know, I think there's plenty of message for the new person in AA. I'm talking to the guy that's been around for a while, three years, five years, 15, 25 years sober, and you're not feeling it. I'm telling you, it's still available, and it's available as a result of doing the work right out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous with somebody else who's done the work. Right out of The Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous. Get in there. Do the work, and then... I thank God for showing me back to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I thank AA for showing me to God my name is Charlie Parker, I'm an alcoholic Thank you.