The Alkie Dog Revisited – Step 1 – Russell S. – Fort Lauderdale Tuesday Night Step Group – 2025

My name is Russell Spatz. I'm an alcoholic. Russell. This month I'll have 44 years of undetected drinking, so I'm never going to catch me. So I'm here to repair the damage Peter did over the last 12 weeks. I see Pat Rogan's here. I see a lot of guys. You know, I used to do this every year. I'd do this series. Now it's like a year and a half or something like that. They try to make sure enough time goes by so that people forget. They call me back again to do some damage. And, you know, when I first came to that, did I say I was an alcoholic? Yes, you did. I'm senile. He helps me out a lot. So in any event, I was. The way this. Yeah, my sponsor, when I first came in, my first sponsor, I've had four of them and a lot of mentors. But they're all temporary, by the way. And they tend to pass away on you. But he said, you know, Russ, because I go to means I get resentments. I didn't need to be in a meeting. I get resentments outside the meetings and meetings all over the place. I get resentment sitting in a room by myself watching TV, looking at a commercial. It didn't matter. And he said, you know, Russ, you really have to. Let go of your expectations on stuff, because whenever you have an expectation that things are going to happen this way. And they don't happen exactly the way you think it's going to happen. What happens? You get pissed off. You get a resentment. So you have to lower your expectations, especially around alcoholics. Without my exit exit. Believe me, if you're an alcoholic or you're a sponsor, my expectations are some somewhere below sea level. You know, I got no expectations on you. So, you know, people go on these meetings. And they think, well, this is step series. And so this is where we're going to do it. We're going to talk about the first step and then step two and step three. I'm not going to do any of that shit. So I just want to tell you that I'm just going to talk about stuff. I guarantee you that by the end of this whole deal, you're going to get every step to the power of 10. But it's going to be mixed up and you're going to have to do some work. You're going to have to. You're going to have to. This is going to be like. Anybody ever see the movie? The movie. The movie. The movie. Pulp Fiction. You know how it starts like in the middle, you know, where they're in the restaurant and then it goes to the end and goes back and forth and everything like that. This is like a Pulp Fiction deal. You know what I mean? I might start in the sixth step and move over to the third step and go up to 12 and all the way back there. If you if I had my druthers, the way I would do the first step is I say, what do you ask me at any time? You're going to do the first step. I say, I'm not going to do the first step. I'm going to do the first step. They're in a meeting. It's an a meeting, right? Yeah. They're alcoholics, right? Yes. Why do I have to do? Why do I have to do the first step? I think your words were let them drink. They're here. They're alcoholics. They're here. Listen, if you're here and you don't know anything about the first step, you're not sure you did it. Drink. No, I'm not. You think I'm joking. I know you've got all these things. Don't drink. Go to me. Don't drink. Even if your ass falls off. We need to hear that stuff. But drink. Because I can guarantee. I can guarantee you something. If you haven't done the first. If you haven't done the first step, you will drink. I know, you know, one of the things that happens when you when you get past like 40 years. See, when I first came in, you think everybody stays sober. You see a sea of people like I saw you guys right here. You say, man, everybody's staying sober. You know, nobody's drinking. Everybody's staying sober. They come in here. You stay sober for the rest of your life and you pick up your 40 year medallion and all that sort of stuff. And then as you go along somewhere along the way, you're sitting in a meeting. One day you hear some guy say, pick up a white chip and I'm coming back. You hear people say, I'm coming back. And, you know, after like three weeks, but I'm coming back. You hear that slippers and things like that. And there's nothing wrong with that. You know, people do it. And then then all of a sudden, one day you're sitting in a meeting, you see some guy and he tells a story. He says something. He says, and I had 15 years and then I drank. And you say, what the fuck happened there, man? I had 15 years of going to meetings. And then they say, well, why do I do drinking? So I stopped going to meetings. And you believe that shit. You believe that. And it's partially true because a lot of people who stop going to meetings. And so you say to yourself this. You say, well, this is what I said. I said, well, I'm just never going to do it. I'm going to stop going to meetings. I'll never drink. I'll never stop going to meetings. And then then it occurs to you. The more you hear about guys with like 15, 20, 25 years drinking. The more it occurs to you that all those guys sat in meetings for 5, 10, 15, 20 years. And heard people say, don't drink and go to meetings. Heard people say things like, you know, just they heard a million times. I drank because I stopped going to meetings. They heard that. And they probably did what I did. They probably said because one of the things I've learned is I was I'm an outlaw. So I was unique. Right. Nobody understands. You know, I'm different. You don't understand. Yes. But. And then I come in here and I hear stories. I say, man, I'm just like we're like twins. Fat, thin, black, white. It doesn't matter. You know, people come up to you. You speak at conventions. You know, 300 people come up to you and they're fat. They're thin. They're tall. They're short. They're black. They're white. And they say things like, man, you're talking about you. You're talking about me. And they mean it. And of course, you're saying, you know, just talk about me. And you start realizing that all this time you're thinking things like, well, I'm different or they don't understand. And you finally figure out that if I had a crazy, nutty thought in my mind. You probably had it, too. And then at some point in time, when you lose fear of people. You know, you start worrying about what people think about you. And that usually happens after you have about 20 or 25 years, if you're doing well. Alcoholics like this. I know you guys say, oh, I don't give a shit what other people think about me. You ever say that you ever tell somebody you don't give a shit what people think about you. You ever tell yourself that? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I don't give a crap what people think about me. A thought ever pierce your mind. You know. And then you ultimately realize that people that really don't care what other people think about them. Never. Tell themselves they don't care what other people think about them. People that really don't care what other people think about them. They say things like pass the ketchup, but they don't say that shit. The only people. Tell them. Tell them. themselves they don't care what other people think about them is people that spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about whether people like them or not and that's the real disease in Alcoholics Anonymous because the drinking really is just a symptom of the disease I'm not sure that's just not my conclusion well that's my conclusion after many years of sobriety but the big book says drinking's but a symptom it's a hell of a symptom it's what gets us here but the real disease such as our mind not our body and the real disease is when you you're scared to pick up the phone or or talk at a meeting or say anything or worried about what people think about you or you walk outside say why did I say that or why didn't I say that or were you and you know some that's not only an AA if you got that shit going on for you that is the stuff you carry into the outside world that's your whole life the bondage that's why they say you lose fear of people in economic insecurity that's the disease that's the thing that doesn't go away for 20 30 years fear of people worrying about what people will think about you and actually the other obsession that you think they're actually thinking about you they're just thinking about themselves but but you think they're thinking about you and even the fear of economic economic insecurity it's not so much fear of economic insecurity it's it's it's not so much losing the job and being broke it's worrying about what people will think about you if you you're broke and they know you're broke it's what people think about you if you lose your house what are people going to think about me if this stuff stuff happens to me that's the reason why people don't talk about God since that's the most important thing in outlaw synonymous period period end of story that's what it says in the big book by the way I don't know if you guys read the big book well you think you read it you read the parts that you read you didn't see the parts that you didn't read but it says that's what this book is all it says of a mere code of morals or a better way to live it's a book of morals and it's a book of them parenting head or a better philosophy of life would have solved our problems we have been sober a long time ago but a miracle to perform morals do the next right thing good orderly direction those are codes of morals it's like the Ten Commandments if they never work for us we had to find a power by which we could live not only about by which we can drink the power to not drink is sort of handed out like can be in here everybody stops drinking for a while but the process starts drinking for a while but the power by which you could live and experience the new freedom and be rather free to go if you do as the more powerful and wealthy person you are is to elevator Our good idea is that even the more powerful and wealthy northeast beetle has already taken permission to And be rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence. And experience heaven. And know peace. Many are called it, but few are chosen for that deal. That's a different deal altogether. You know? You stay sober. You tell yourself you're doing great. And you spend money you don't have to buy shit you don't need to impress people you don't like. Say, why am I broke? You know, why is this happening to me? You wake up every morning and say, if I only could get laid. If only I could have a girlfriend. If only I had a new wife. If only I had a new husband. If I only had any type of romantic relationship. If only I had a better job. If only my boss didn't treat me this way. If only, if only, if only I'd be okay. And you run out and you buy stuff and you do stuff and you take stuff. You're not drinking. You're just, you're drinking like blouses. You're drinking like suits of clothes. You're drinking about shoes. You're drinking, you're drinking, you're drinking cars. You know? I'm not my car anymore. I used to be my car. I used to be my shoes. I used to be my shirt. I used to be my weight. I used to be the scale. You know? It's all about vanity and the stuff that you can acquire and everything like that to fill that crap. You know, that's the real disease. That's the real thing. That's the thing that will ultimately get you drinking. But I drank my way into the first step. So I don't know how to explain that. I'll tell you maybe a story or two. So what's going to happen with this deal is and I'm going to throw in mostly I'm going to talk about stuff that I've learned. You know, one of the interesting things is, you know how they say in the big book, it says the way we get a new perspective. Now, you know about perspective. For instance. Like, let's say you have five years. And I asked you, well, let me ask them, has your have you has your perspective on life and yourself changed since you had one year? You said, holy shit. Yeah. Would you like to go back to one year? No way. So let's say you have one year. I say, well, let me ask them, has your perspective changed since you had one month? He said, holy. Yeah. Well, you had 20 years. I'd say, well. Is your perspective about yourself and life and everything else changed since you had 10 years? You said, oh, yeah. So the only difference between me and you is not that I'm smarter. And as a matter of fact, I promise you, I'm a lot dumber than you are. I somebody who was it? Braden, who asked me this question. He came up to me. I was doing a he says, you ever meditate? I said, yeah. He said, when I said when I'm not talking to you. I heard he's still in that line. Here is my brother often says thank you. It is not that I have no naive side. There was a song I sang this year when my dad left. I was like, I'm poor. Jia. I'm not going to take that from you. I'm not going to make you strengthen yourself and a mother. I have never believed that the history of wisdom would breakiciones. That when you have every aspect of and how to make your life better. And one of the things we said in so many of our conversations, most of the time, there is not a sap and you're like never mind. It's not like this crispy meat and glue meat. It's like never fucking mention. It's just worth saying. We have. six years or nine years or 10 years or 12 years or 15 years. And my difference is I get calls from all over the world and all of the United States and I have people come up to me who have 30 years and they're suicidal and they're going to meetings. I have men with 20 and women with men with 10, 20, 30, 40, 50. Yeah, time going to meetings. And they're not happy with their sobriety. You know, the big book says here and there once in a while, a former drinker says, feel better, look better, having better time. We laugh at such salad. We know he's going to try the old game again because he's not happy with his sobriety. Soon he'll know loneliness is for you to do. There will come a time in every alcoholic's life where he'll have no defense against the first drink. He'll have no defense against the first thing to think. He'll have no defense against the resentment. He'll have no defense against the fear. His only defense will come from God. You know, and they're not talking about. Somebody who's not going to meetings or somebody who's who's still drinking has to think that they're talking about people who have 5, 10, 15, 20 years of sobriety. Because you know what? You're in the fellowship of the problem. Nothing wrong with the fellowship of the problem. I spent 5, 10 years in the fellowship of the problem. Don't drink and go to meetings. Don't drink even if your ass falls off. You know, you can be you can be you can screw up your entire day. But if you haven't had a drink, you're a winner. And you know something? We all need that. We need the encouragement because we so easily get discouraged because we screw up all the time. And that's the deal. And we tell ourselves stupid things. Well, I'm not saying you say it's I'm not saying you're stupid. I'm talking about I'm stupid. I went through my time in a where I would say things like I'm spiritual, not religious. I'm spiritual. We get to a point in our lives where we graduate, where we've evolved into spiritual beings. Hmm. It's church people who go to church all the time and tie to the church and try to help other people and read the Bible. We're not like those people. We are spiritual, not religious. You know, we're so wonderful. But, you know, when you get to around 20 years and 30 years and a few years on you and you're suicidal or you're scared or you have cancer. And all you got. It's don't drink, go to meetings and it's three o'clock in the morning and the group ain't there. You know, the 12 step roommate there and your sponsor is not there and you're a basket case and shit is happening to you and you don't know how to get out of it. You don't even know how to talk to people about it. Because how do you tell your group that you're scared, shitless and you're worried and you're not happy with your sobriety? You got 15, 20 years and you know there's something wrong. It's because you're in the fellowship of the problem because all you've been thinking about is not drinking and going to meetings. There comes a time where you have to. You have to sort of like up your game. And cut the bullshit. And it's usually around the six step time. It's around the time where we separate the men from the boys. Because the fellowship of the problem, which is what basically most of us come in on, is a very simple fellowship to join because there's only one requirement. You guys know what the requirement is to be in the fellowship of the problem, don't you? And all most meetings talk about the fellowship of the problem. The fellowship of the problem is a fellowship that says don't drink and go to meetings. And that's the only thing that meetings are about. You know, I talk a little bit about resentments here and there and all the other things that make you slip. But the bottom line is it's a fellowship where you go to it so that you don't drink. Sometimes you come in and say, I needed this meeting. You know, don't drink. And everybody's not drinking. But nobody's talking about the God thing. Nobody's talking about bringing the idea into heavy alcohol, satellite job or no job, money or no money. No matter what, you can stay sober if you trust God. Nobody talks about. Well, they may talk about it. But they go over once over lightly. Nobody talks about we never apologize for God. We never apologize for God. You know what that means? Do you know what that means? When they say in the book, we never apologize for God in the book, in the big book. I'm not talking out of school. It means we're never ashamed to talk about God. We never feel guilty about talking about God. Bill Wilson, after he had the white light experience and the room lit up and he said, if there is a God, may you find it now. And the. A spiritual wind blew through and he said, is this. So this is the God of the prophets. And he told him he told the guy the the doctor there about this is Bill. I have no idea what the hell's going on with you, but you want to know something. You better hang on to it because it's the real estate you got going. And he said, I needed God and he claimed that then and he came. And then, you know, Bill says, but soon worldly clamors. Worldly clamors came into mostly within myself and they blotted out, they blotted out his presence. The presence of God. And so I got down on my knees and I took the third step. You know how you take the third step. This is how you take the third step. You get down on your knees. This is according to the book. Has anybody ever done this? And you say the third step prayer. And you know, it's the third step. You turn your will and your life. Your will and your life over to the care of God. So you get down on your knees. And you say. And you say the third step prayer. And then the big book says we have now completed the third step. Bullshit. But yes, you've completed the third step. But you haven't turned your will and your life over to God because then you do what I did. You get off your knees and you check your bank account. You get up on your knees and you see whether you can find the man or a woman or a love interest or a car. And you worry about all the things in this world. And you're a thumb sucking crybaby. And you're a little people about all your problems. And they're all material problems. And you don't think of God at all. God is like in the glove compartment of your car. Or it's where the tire is. And everyone's like, why don't you take it out? You go to meetings. You hold hands. You say, look, buddy, he's not the number one thing in your life. He's not the central fact. And you can't be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence or get any of this stuff really. Permanent sobriety or anything like that. You can't do that because the fact of the matter is you don't want to be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. You've got to buy on to the great fact. And the great fact is this. And nothing less than this. Nothing less than this. There are no middle of the road solutions. God is either everything or is nothing. So you've got to make up your mind. Is he everything in your life? Is it the most important thing in your life? Well, how could it be? Whenever you talk about it at meetings, they tell you, shut up. You're killing newcomers. How could it be when the only place you can't talk about God seriously is at an AA meeting? You can talk about resentment. You can stand up and say you're an atheist. And that's okay. Nobody's going to say anything to you. But you say anything about the Bible or God or anything. You're going to be a fool. You're going to be a fool. And they think that they'll just beat the shit out of you, which is completely opposite of what they did between 1935 and 1939. And you want to know about that and read about that. You know why? Because our big book says, rarely have I seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. And the path they followed had nothing to do with reading the big book. Because they said that in 1939, between 1935 and 1939, the books they found absolutely essential were 1 Corinthians 13, Sermon on the Mount, and the book of James. And if you asked Dr. Bob what's this thing all about, he said, read the Bible. You'll find out what it's all about. And when they asked Dr. Bob what his first things first mean, he said, seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all things will be added unto you. And the reason I know that is because I read all the material. And I read all the material. And I read the material, even the stuff I don't like. And I had to do that because if I didn't do that, I'd become one of those guys that is suicidal and sobriety. And then I'll drink again. I had to grow up. And so you got this thing called the sixth step, which separates the men from the boys, the men from the boys, because it separates the people that are in the fellowship of the problem from people who are in the fellowship of the spirit. Because the only qualification for the fellowship of the problem is the desire to stop drinking. It doesn't even have to be an honest desire. They took that out. Just, you know, you had a bad Saturday night, a bad batch of fucking ice, so what the hell? I might as well do it. You know? You feel like you want to stop drinking one day. That's all you need. It's the fellowship of the spirit. It's the fellowship of the problem. Fellowship of the spirit is a whole different deal. You can find it on 164. Fellowship of the spirit is where they say, but we won't know you. How are we going to stay sober? He says, we cannot be sure. God will determine that, so your real reliance has to be on him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave, a spiritual fellowship, a godly fellowship, the fellowship you crave. See to it your relationship with him is right. Great events will come to pass for you in college. Others. And the sixth step says the man and the woman who's doing the sixth step is being separated out, because many are called, but few are chosen. You start realizing that maybe one half of 1%, 1 in 200 make over 20 years in AA. And many of those that make over 20 years are still not happy with their sobriety. You know, you start realizing that the truth is you don't understand, because so many people come to AA meetings and we have these big conventions. You think everybody stays sober, but I'll tell you something, from where I'm standing, in 44 years, you look around, between 20 years and 44, not too many people standing. I can tell you that. They're mostly chasing money, property, and prestige, and looking at their bucket list. I have no bucket list. I have no bucket list. Maybe just to help one more person, I can help. That deal. And I have a life. I mean, I have. I've been married for 40 something, 44 years. Four kids. Eight grandkids. Self-supported through my own contribution most of the time. You know, run a law office, and I, you know, and that's the deal. But it says the great fact is this and nothing less, that God's got to become the central factor in your life. God's, he's got to become the central factor in your life. And you must be convinced that he lives in your heart and mind in a way which is indeed miraculous. So why don't they talk about God in AA because it makes them uncomfortable, makes people uncomfortable? And so you don't talk about God, you don't hear a lot of talks like this in Outbox Anonymous, because people are intensely worried about if they talk about him, what will the other people think about him? Because they have that incredible sickness, but they can't possibly really do the steps because they go to AA meetings where they think that the success is just not drinking and God is on the back burner. He's not really important. But the truth is those people don't last. They don't last. Because the book says we never apologize for God. All men of faith have courage. You know what that means? That means if you have faith, you have courage. And if you don't have faith, you're a coward. And cowards don't do well in AA and cowards don't do well in the world. Cowards don't do well in the world. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. Instead, we let him demonstrate through our testimony what he has done for us. And once we begin to outgrow fear. So I asked my sponsor once that line up because we see things the way we see them. And sometimes we need sponsors to interpret these things for us because we don't really get it. We read something. We see, we listen, but we don't hear. We see something, but we really don't see it. We don't comprehend it. Like when I read the part of the book that says selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our problem. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, we step on the toes of others. We step on the toes of others. And we retaliate. And they retaliate. Seemingly without provocation. But we've learned that we've made decisions in the past which put us in a position to be heard. So an alcoholic's self will run riot though he usually doesn't think so. So I read that. Anybody ever read that? Doesn't sound so bad. Doesn't sound so bad. It's almost like poetry really. It's really poetry. Hardly even wounds them. Hardly even hurts. Doesn't even pierce the surface. Because the only way things pierce the surface with me is if they hurt. You know on page 42 of the big book, you know, when the first hundred people, when a few people came to one of the guys in AA and it's in page 42, he said, the program is drastic. The program is drastic. Drastic. Are you working? Do you have drastic sobriety? Bill Wilson, after he did that white light experience and gave his life to God, went to a couple of meetings and some people laughed at him because of the God thing and he was intensely worried about what people would think about him. So he went up to Harriet. What's your name? Harriet, what's the gal's name? Siderling. And he said, you know, we shouldn't talk so much about God and religion. You know what Harriet told him? Harriet said, you know, Bill, the only reason you're sober is because of God. God is your only salvation. You need to stop worrying about alcoholics or pleasing alcoholics. They've been pleasing themselves all their lives. You need to worry about pleasing God. Because if you don't talk about God in AA meetings, you might as well be the Rotary Club because he's the only reason you're sober. She says, finally, Bill agreed. He always had a problem. Bill always had a problem with the God thing. That's why he wrote a appendix to to apologize to all the atheists. And but Dr. Bob never had a problem. He had a few slips in the beginning, but you want something? He was he was a real born again guy. He was a serious. His last words to Bill Wilson. If you ever want to read the book, as he said, Bill, he said, let's not screw this thing up. Let's keep it simple. And that's why at 20 years, when Bill had 20 years, he started using LSD. I see that in a I'm not putting Bill down and I'm not telling any secrets because he wrote all about it. He wrote all about it in the essay. The next frontier, emotional sobriety. It's just most people don't know about that because they're more interested in reading what he wrote when he had three and a half years sobriety than when he had 20 years sobriety. And he had been through what you guys are going to go through in the next 20, 25 years, if you make it. And you know what he said? He said, I got it all wrong. He started taking us. Listen, I've had so many guys that get 15, 20 years and they start feeling bad and they go to a psychiatrist. And they say, well, why don't you suck on these things? Why don't you just chew on these things? Here, take a Xanax, you know, take a Brosec, take this. Let's see, you know, they're drinking again because the doctors don't know what's wrong with you. They don't know about the God thing. They don't know what's wrong with you. You know, you know, you know, when a doctor hands you one of those pills, you know what he's saying? He says, I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with you. But once you suck on these things and leave me alone so I can deal with somebody who has a real problem. You know what I mean? Be very careful what the experts tell you. Let me tell you about an expert. His name was Dr. Young, one of the greatest psychiatrists in the world at that time. Right up there with Freud and all those sort of stuff. And Roland Hazard said, not knowing the inner workings of my mind, drinking was impossible. Hard to believe because now I'm so smart. I'm so spiritual. Nevertheless, he was drunk in two weeks, went up to Roland Hazard, greatest psychiatrist. He said, I don't understand what's wrong. He says. You know, this is what we're all about. Now, you would think a psychiatrist would say, well, yeah, we'll try this. We'll try that. If you might treat incentives and things like that. This is what he said. He said, you have the mind of an alcoholic. You are chronic alcoholic. You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I've never been able to help somebody with that state of mind exists. Never. He says, I can't help you. He says, well, isn't there any solution? He says, no. He says, well, here and there, once in a while. Once in a while, here and there. Men like you have what's called a spiritual experience. It's some sort of phenomena. That's like a miracle, but can't be explained. They call it a phenomena. And it says, and they happen. He says, it's a God thing. Roland Hazard. I mean, I mean, Dr. Young was honest with him. That's the only thing that's going to help you. Getting laid is not going to help you. A new woman is not going to help you. A new man is not going to help you. The romance isn't going to help you. That's all we do in here is we go around the world before we get so rich. Before we get sober. Try being world whores, whoring ourselves to the world, doing anything to get what we want. Because what my sponsor said when I said, what about that? That line in the book says selfishness, self-centeredness. You know that poetic line? Hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking. We step on toes of others and they retaliate seemingly without provocation. But we soon realize that, that, that, that we soon realize that it's self-will. We've done, made decisions based upon our selfishness. Only given a crap about our selfishness, which puts us in a position to be hurt. Didn't sound so bad as I asked my sponsor. Many times you have to go, you got some, many times you have to learn about these things in alky talk. Because there's, there's regular talk that really doesn't even pierce the skin. And you want your skin pierced. Because otherwise your skin will be pierced out there. Mm. And believe me, better to be pierced in here than pierced out there. But pierced out there involves arrest, divorce, indictment, all sorts of crap. And so I went up to my sponsor and he, he, he, he translated into alky talk. He said, Russ, what that means is that you don't give a shit about anybody except yourself. And I said, oh, I like the way they see it in the big book better. The big book better, you know? So that's how you learn. You learn through pain, you know? I mean, I didn't, you know, you learn through pain and listening to other people. And Amy, I didn't have a story. Our stories, this goes into, I didn't have, my story was it's not my fault. You don't understand. I'm different. You know, all that stuff. And the bottom line is, you know, how you get your story. You can't attack a guy. Well, if you're sponsoring, you can actually hit him over the head or something with some sarcasm. But generally, alcoholics don't like being told what to do. You know? Because when you feel secretly insufficient. And you know you're a piece of shit. When you act like you're a big shot, but you know you're a piece of shit. That's the voices. You know about the voices, don't you? You're driving your car. You're in the shower, laughing it up. And you hear the voice. Any of you guys ever hear the voice? You're an asshole. You're a piece of shit. Who the fuck do you think you're kidding? You're never going to be okay. You're worthless. So you look around. You're in the shower to see he's saying that shit to you. And you're the only one in the shower. You're the only one in the shower. That's not coming from me. You know what that voice is? You know what the voice is? Let me clear you in. That's you telling you what you really think about yourself. That's why when you say, if I only had a gal, I only had a car, I only had this, I'd be okay. What you're really saying is I'm not okay. So you go around the planet Earth sort of faking it. And the one thing that alcoholics want to say, if you're an alcoholic, please don't reject me, a holic. Please love me, a holic. You know? And your whole life is that. You weren't even close to having emotional sobriety. All you're doing is not drinking. And then what you do is you chase the same crap in order to make yourself feel better in AA with 20 years that you were chasing before you even stopped drinking. I'm an alcoholic because no woman, no car, no amount of money, no nothing ever worked quite as well as just a few drinks. And if it worked for me the way it worked for me, it worked for me. The way it worked for me when I was 18 years old, I'd still be drinking it. But alcohol stopped working for me. So I don't drink it anymore. And the sad news in my life is alcohol stopped working for me about 10 years before I realized it stopped working for me. And I hurt a lot of people. Because I'm not a nice guy. I'm an evil guy. And I'm not a spiritual guy. You know what I am? I'm the material girl of Alcoholics Anonymous. Who's that? Lady Gaga? Madonna. Madonna? I don't know this stuff. I'm the Madonna of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know? Oh, you're a material man? Put your hand right here. Let me hit it with a hammer and see how you feel about that. We'll see how material you are. So the first step in getting out of jail is you got to know you're in jail in the first place. Knowing you're in jail with the alcohol is the easiest part. Because, you know, hey listen. They don't arrest you for driving while feeling sorry for yourself. They don't arrest you for driving while lusting. They arrest you for driving while drunk. You get the drunk thing pretty fast. You know what I mean? Your life starts falling apart. But I'll tell you something. The worrying about what people think about you. The worrying about money, property, and prestige. The stuff they talk about in the sixth step. We don't want to deprecate material achievement. We don't want to say that looking after things and all that is wrong. And then they, it's a little gate and switch. But then later on down the paragraph they say, but nobody's fucked up their lives more chasing that shit. Money, property, prestige, and yes ladies, romance. It's right up there with the car. It's right up there with the car. You know? You know, it's the same kind of craving. We just substitute the booze for the man, the booze for the woman, the booze for the money. You know, that's the whole thing. All through the book. It's all about that stuff. But you're not going to hear about it because you don't go to a lot of meetings where they talk like I'm talking. Do you? Do you? You just say things like, man, I've never been in a meeting where they talk about the shit you're talking about. Because people are scared to talk about it. Not because it's not biblical. Not because it's not in the AA. Not because it's not the truth. But because other people are scared that other people are going to criticize them. And they start being scared about what other people think about them. Because they've never experienced the promise of the relief of fear of people's judgment and that economic insecurity. And if you can't talk about God and what the Lord has done for you in here, where it's all over the walls and all over the book, you're never going to talk about it out there. And so you're going to live a life of bondage, not to alcohol. But to yourself. And we've got to find the power by which we can live. And it says, of course, then we're going to talk about God. And here's the problem with alcoholics because they don't want to talk about that stuff. Because it's too drastic. And so I get these guys who are slippers and they come back in and they say things. I had five years that I drank. I had seven years that I drank. And they come back in and they say, well, now I'm going to really do it. I'm going to really do it. I'm going to really do a good four step. I'm going to do a good four step. I'm going to do a good fifth step. I'm going to do a good ten step. I'm going to go to meetings. I'm going to do all that stuff. And I look them in the eye and I said, let me ask something. You had ten years. Weren't you doing that stuff before you drank when you had ten years? He said, yeah. Well, weren't you doing that stuff when you had five years and then you drank? He says, yeah. But you drank. He says, yeah. I said, how about this? I mean, all that stuff is important. I'm not saying it's not important. But instead of telling me what you did and how you're going to do it again. Why don't you and I discuss what you never did? Why don't we discuss what you, because the thing that's killing you is the stuff that you didn't do because it was too drastic. And some guy loaded your mind and told you we don't talk about that stuff because it kills newcomers. No, what's killing newcomers is people who are spiritual agnostics that don't really believe in God. He's not the number one thing in his life. He doesn't sit on the throne of their heart. But they're basically agnostics. That's what it is. Alkydog. So the way it's going to go is like this. The meeting is going to be all fun and games for the first two or three times, just like this has been all fun and games, right? By the way, you guys know about the Alkydog? No? Listen, what is rule 62? Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't take yourself so seriously. Listen, don't take yourself too seriously. Don't take yourself so seriously, right? Okay. Let's get all upset about this shit. You know? I take back everything I just said. I take it all back. I'm going to be driving back home and say, why the fuck did I say that shit? Disturb people. I don't believe that shit at all. You know what I mean? Yeah, just forget about it. Don't worry about it. So, I was driving down the street and I saw a sign. Talking dog for sale. So, I don't know about you, you know, I figured, I know it's bullshit, but I figured I'd stop. There's some old guy there in the corner. I said, I see you got a sign, talking dog for sale. He says, yeah. He said, you got a dog that talks? He says, yeah. A talking dog. He says, yeah. He says, well, can I go see it? He says, sure. He's in the back. He's in the back. Just go in the back. He's there. So, I walk in the back, you know. True story. I walk in the back and there's this dog, little mutt, you know, like in a cage. I walk in the back. He's there. He's there. He's there. He's there. And I walk up to him and I say, the cage has Max on it. So, I say, are you Max? And the dog looks at me and says, yeah, I'm Max. I'm the talking dog. I said, oh, shit. I said, I cannot. You're talking. He says, yeah, I talk. I talk. I've been talking ever since I'm a pup. And I said, I can't believe this. He says, yeah, yeah. He says, man, nobody knows about this dog. He says, yeah, there's a few people who know about it. He says, I used to work for the CIA. My owner was one of the guys in the KGP, you know, before the SSP all the way back then. I spent 10 years with this guy in the KGP. KGB. Yeah, thank you. And he used to bring me to meetings in the Kremlin and I'd be there and, you know, I'm a dog. Nobody gives a shit. You know, I'm a dog. And I would hear all the stuff they were talking about. And then I had a handler. CIA guy. You know, and I would go and I would tell him all the secrets that I learned in the Kremlin. I did that for 10 years and then I retired and I came over the states and I worked for Dow Chemical and industrial espionage. You know, it might take me over to DuPont. You know what I mean? And I'd sit in all their meetings in Monsanto and then come back, you know, and I tell all that. I did that for about 10 years and now I'm retired. I don't do that anymore, you know. But I was involved in. I was involved in covert operations and things like that. I said, holy shit, they ought to do a movie on this. He says, yeah, they're going to do it. They're doing a screenplay right now. They're going to do a movie. And I'm like freaking out. I can't believe this shit. You know, you talk about miracles, you know. So I say, well, you know, I have a house down the street. I have some grandkids and stuff. I mean, would you like to live with me? I mean, you know, he says, sure. Yeah, I'd love to. No problem. And then just talk to my owner, you know. And so I go up to the front. And I'm like, you know, I'm a cop. You know, I'm a cop. And I say, you know, I'd like to buy Max. He says, sure, no problem. So I said, well, how much is it? How much is it? He says, just like the sign says, $10. I said, $10? He says, yeah, $10. I said, what? He says, talking dog. He says, yeah, talking dog. He says, the sign says $10. And he says, you're actually the first guy that actually stopped. And he says, I said, how can you sell? A talking dog for $10? And he says, he's a fucking liar. He never did any of that shit. None of that. He was an outie dog. God bless you. Thank you. 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1