Subtracting the Ideas of Higher Power That Didn’t Work – Sarah I.

About This Speaker Tape

Step 11 Speaker Series - 2025

Sarah I. maps out the internal wreckage of a mind that treats the Higher Power as a transactional vending machine—rewarding the 'good girl' and punishing the 'bad.' She dismantles the delusion of the 'Higher Power of reason,' describing the exhaustion of spending a whole day at a desk exerting her will onto every situation only to come home utterly spent. Sarah I. traces her path through multiple surrenders including a crisis eight years into sobriety where she had to admit she was 'two-stepping'—admitting powerlessness but then life-coaching her sponsees with her own unmanageability. She describes the grueling process of re-working the steps from the beginning making amends to people in the fellowship and the shift toward a nightly review written in a notebook to avoid 'editing' her truth for a sponsor's gold star. She concludes with the necessity of the 11th Step to avoid the 'absurd mistakes' of the ego.

Topics

Timestamps

• 2:15 Sarah I. discusses her initial 'contempt prior to investigation' regarding the Higher Power.
• 8:40 Laughter: Sarah I. describes the 'two-stepping' phenomenon and life-coaching her sponsees.
• 14:20 Sarah I. describes the 'Higher Power of reason' and the exhaustion of exerting will from a desk.
• 22:10 Sarah I. details the crisis at eight years sober and the need to restart the 12 Steps.
• 31:45 Step 11: Sarah I. explains her practice of using a physical notebook for nightly reviews.
• 38:10 Sarah I. discusses the 'transactional Higher Power' and the pain of losing her sister and brother.
• 46:30 Sarah I. talks about the 'absurd mistakes' promised in the Big Book.
• 55:10 Q&A: Mike B. asks about preventing 11th Step discussions from becoming gossip.
• 62:15 Sarah I. explains the difference between behavior modification and a Higher Power-reliant program.