Stevie B. on Controlled Drinking, Abnormal Drinkers, and the God-Sized Hole

I like that special speaker okay everybody my name is Stevie B I'm a grateful believer I'm recovered alcoholic and I'm blessed to be here with you guys tonight and I wanted I want to just just preface this that there's people that are here tonight for the first time we have two people that are here tonight for their very first meeting so let's give a round of applause for that because that's awesome i got to meet a new friend welcome home brother welcome home and it's all you're off the hook you never have to take another drink or drug again ever even if you want to your home and then we have beatrice who's uh what seven seven weeks right it's her first meeting seven weeks beatrice and uh both her parents yeah both her pants are alcoholic so she she's been uh grandfathered in here and uh they both have seven years and uh and her grandfather her great-grandfather so her great grandfather is a man by the name of dion he's got i think 55 years so she comes from some some real long line of alkies so hopefully she can just visit and doesn't have to be here now if you don't know what alcoholism is there's a chapter in the big book and it's called more about alcoholism and we have these readings so for those of us that have been here a very long time we may we may hear the readings and maybe not hear the words so tonight as i was preparing i was looking at more about alcoholism in chapter three and i was looking at it with different eyes or eye most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics just that statement there really sums it all up i never wanted to admit i was a real alcoholic and for for years i was in aa and i admitted that i was real drug addict but i would never admit i was a real alcoholic because because my first step was really more about drugs and it wasn't about alcohol so i was here for seven years in alcoholics anonymous and never could say that i was an alcoholic i would i would only say i was an alcoholic in front of people but then really like behind the scenes i would say well i'm not really an alcoholic um i really like alcoholics anonymous uh but i'm really a drug addict like hunter and i just come to alcoholics not but so this is what happened. If you're not willing to admit that you're an alcoholic, then you're not going to want to admit, that you need any of this. So one of the first steps that we're going to need, is that we're gonna need to admit to our innermost self, what is that? The inside self, that we are alcoholic. And don't freak out, there's a bunch of us. If you're in this room tonight, you're good company, there is a bunch. But what does that mean? What does alcoholic mean? You may not even know what that means. So here in more about alcoholism, which I just think is amazing. It gives the characteristics of alcoholics. So countless vain attempts to prove that we can drink like normal people, like other people. So we try to drink like other People. We go to the bar, we go to The House, we go to wherever, we try To drink like Other People, we see another person at the end of the bar or at the end Of The House that's drinking like a normal person and we look like that person so it it rightfully i would assume that i could drink like that other person and for the first two drinks we are drinking you know very very similarly maybe not at the same speed because i order two at a time but so maybe not the same speed but definitely in the same family right so um and then and then the next line says that the idea that somehow someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker and i think that because we read this all the time it's kind of lost its power because if you really break it down when we watch other people on the beach or we watch other people at a bar or we watched other people had a game or sports game or or or in tailgate there is something in us that say someday when nobody's watching when maybe everyone is gone and I got like 35 years and I'm old I'm not pointing at a guy I was just pointing in the general area I had nothing to do with a guy that I'm going to go to a game after years and years and I'll be able to have one and that's the great obsession of every abnormal drinker so if you're here tonight and you even think that you would have that obsession or you currently have that obsession that you're able to drink like normal i want you to know something normal drinkers don't obsess about other normal drinkers they never even think about other formal drinkers there are the normal drinker don't think about all the people that are normal drinkars they they like russell says they say past assault. It's not even, it doesn't even come up. But myself, even though I'm sober now, God willing, I'll be sober this time, 23 years in the month of January. Praise God. It is, it's a clappable deal for me. It' s not the most amount of time I've had. Yeah. I wasn't saying you should clap. I'm just saying for me, it's good. Listen, for my mom, it's clappible right there. That's my mom. She's clapping because yeah. Okay. Enough clapping. And because she dropped me off at the Fort Lauderdale Hospital, which is around the corner from this meeting. So for her, she's clapping. Right. She's clapping because 23 years ago, I absolutely destroyed our family, my marriage, my relationship with my parents. I destroyed my parents' retirement. My parents were completely retired. They were living in New York. Everything was fine. They had a beautiful place down here in the beach in Hollywood, and they had to come out of retirement to come and try to save my life down here right after 9-11. So trust me, it's a big deal for them. It's a Big Deal for my mom. My dad's in heaven. May God rest his soul. He went to be with God with 28 years of sobriety. But it's A Big Deal For My Mom Every January 3rd When I Pick Up My Medallion. It's a big deal in our family because 23 years ago I was underneath the steps in the house in the luggage closet in underwear. So it's a Big Change, Big Change. So what happens if we cannot admit to our innermost self that we're alcoholic? Many of us pursue this insanity into death. And so tonight is step two. And step two is came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And I was already in AA six and a half years, and I was not willing to admit anything that was greater than me. You know, I really felt I was the bomb. I thought the only defects I had, the only problem I had was drinking and drugging. Everything else was totally phenomenal. I believed I liked me But the truth of the matter Is if I looked into a mirror Where no one else was around I didn't like anything about me So I kept a whole facade going I kept the whole show going With the muscles, with the steroids With the car, withthe gold chains With the hair gel Massive amounts Of hair gel And To me as long as i had all that going on then there was somewhat of an assemblance of order and the moment one of those things would would go astray i would go straight one of Those things was not perfect i i would feel not perfect if the car was dirty or the if i didn't have the car the car was broken down or i missed the gym for a couple weeks if anything was out of order i was out of order because this whole program is designed as an inside job for a god-sized hole nothing you're going to put on the outside is going to fix what's going on in the inside and trust me i somebody there's there's multi-millionaires in this room tonight that'll tell you that the money did not fix this god-size hole right doesn't fix the god size the only thing that fixes the god size hole as God. So it says we men and women were alcoholics who have lost the ability to control our drinking, and this is the last part I'm going to talk about the drinking. This is just a little recap of step one last week. There was times I would be able to drink, and I could have one drink. There were times that I could uh have two drinks. There where times I could have a drink on a Monday and not have a drink until the very next Monday. There were even times that i could have a drink and not even have a drink for another two weeks none of that is an indicator if i am an alcoholic or not excuse me or not here here's what it is for me it's the inability to control our drinking i don't know what's going to happen and i have a you know a true story that paul's heard a million times and Matt's heard a million times because my mom's heard a million time but but I have for the those of you that haven't heard the story I have to tell a story so I hadn't had a drunk in seven years seven years sober hadn't drank in seven years and I decide that I'm not an alcoholic I look at the big book I'm not an alcoholic I know I'm a drug addict I'm out of an alcoholic so the big book says if you don't feel like you're an alcoholic you should go out and try some controlled drinking so that you can prove to yourself if you are or not doesn't say don't take it says if You Don't Feel Like An alcohol go out and try some controlled drinking and so i decided i was going to try some control drinking and i did i was trying some controlled drink at home and it was going good and the only reason it was doing good is because my wife was in control of the house so my control drinking is because i married a colombian woman that carried a machete uh which john you understand how that is and uh and so she threatened me that if i drank and i got drunk uh because she has a machete that I would have to go back to Alcoholics Anonymous. So for that reason, I didn't get drunk. My mom would say, I did not get drunk in the house. I did not. What I did was I took a plane to Minnesota, which is where I got sober. I got sober in Minnesota at 21 years old. I went to a treatment center for young people. And then one of my other friends who also had seven years of sobriety but also was in relapse, he flew out there and met me. And we had this plan. We were gonna do drunk but controlled drunk not crazy drunk not drug drunk not police drunk we were gonna do controlled drunk and uh i went to the bar my there's gonna be my first drunk in seven years and had the whole thing planned we didn't do drunk we didn'T drive you know we had we were driven there and and i ordered my first drink and i and i the bartender comes over and i say uh i'd like to have a fuzzy navel because my only memory of drinks were from when i was in college which was you know 11 years earlier so i i'm starting to order the drinks that i used to drink you know when i Was in college so i said i'd like to have A fuzzy knee i didn't even know what a fuzzy name was just remember this is what i drank and i ordered for the new The first drink comes in and i am the life of the party because now i'm i'm now because you'll know my friend the first that makes you loose and that the big book says there's nothing that as as quick that works as alcohol to make us that to loosen that that noose that's around our stomach so that first drink works if i could do one drink i wouldn't need to be here with you on a thursday night that first drunk work i was the life of the party my accent was a lot thicker back then in the Midwest. My accent is really thick. I'm putting on the whole show. Guys, where are you from? I'm like, I'm from New York. They're like, what do you do? I said I was an actor. They go, what have you been in? I am like all the big movies. Do you know Joe Pesci? Of course. Do you Know Sylvester Stallone? Of Course. I am Italian. I Am from New Yorke. They loved it. everybody's around me high-fiving me i'm buying people drinks in the bar drink two comes in and and um i don't remember what drink two was but it was something fancy i'm still having an amazing time drink three came along and i order a pitcher of kamikazes because that's what we drank in college and when that happened another guy came out a guy that i hadn't met in like seven years and i didn't know he was coming out see i lost the inner i lost the ability to control who would show up for the party and i forgot about that and the same guys that were high-fiving me and hey can we get your autograph of course and and what were you in good Didn't you see Goodfellas? I'm the guy in the back. When the kamikazes came in, somehow I thought I was De Niro and I said to the guy, are you talking to me like that? Just like that. And the guy goes, yeah, of course I'm talking to you. You just ordered me chicken, you know, chicken fingers. And I go, are YOU trying to disrespect? Like everything changed. next thing you know I'm throwing people over the bar I have lost the ability to control what is going to happen with the first drink because I have an allergy accompanied with an obsession and if you don't know what that means there's a great preface in our big book and it's called The Doctor's Opinion and it has the opinion of a doctor by the name of Silkworth that did work with people like us. Now, any of that... Now, I'm not saying the violent street because if you're not a violent person, you don't care. Forget about the violent part. You need to insert yourself losing the wallet, driving drunk. I loved this speaker last week, Karina, she said that she slept with people that she wouldn't ordinarily have lunch with. Matter of fact, there's women in meetings right now around the country that are talking about me in the same extent they're like i remember some guy and i woke up he had one eye and it was gone you know so maybe to our friend that's here tonight you're already starting to relate and realize that there's an answer there's a nature we are here with years and days and months of sobriety that'll tell you that we are not a glum lot we have a great time and behind me you'll see a thing that says chop wood and carry water which means there's going to be work to do. Alcoholics Anonymous is not a spectator program it's not self-help it's there is going to be worked to do what does that mean work you're chopping wood and carrying water means if you don't do that no one gets fed at the campsite no one get fed in your family if you don't the work you'll be a sick or even sicker than you were before you came in or when you came in because it's going to take work to battle alcoholism that's not alcohol wasm it's alcoholism which means we have it today when i say i'm a recovered alcoholic it's not that i recovered from alcoholism i've recovered from being a mental case that has mental issues surrounding thinking that i don't have mental issues i recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body that used to tell me that i could take one drink i'd wind up in broward uh uh jail and then say, what is a great guy like me doing here next to Chooch the dealer? I mean, what am I doing here? I call my mom. I call mine wife. This is a whole misunderstanding. Yes, I know they say that I have a six felony car crash and I'm in the Miami jail system but this is a misunderstanding. I had so many misunderstandings when I was drinking it was unbelievable. when I needed to get money from my mom and this is true, when I was going to the school in the Poconos and I hit a deer, one week I hit a deer. And if you've ever hit a dear deer do a lot of damage to the car. And I was a waiter I was an destination waiter which means you wait on the same table for an entire week and at the end of the week they give you an envelope The Jews, the Italians, the Irish, they all give you the envelope. And And I wasn't going to be able to get the envelope because I had got hit by a deer. Or I hit the deer. Either way, we hit each other. And my car was destroyed. And I called up my mom. I said, Mom, my car is destroyed. She said, Well, we're going to wire you money to fix the car. I was hitting deer every week. Every week was another deer. I was like the deer hunter of the Poconos. so you can imagine the devastation that i did for my family with the lies the manipulation the stories and and an alcoholic is a person that can tell a story so much that it becomes truth and we can pass a lie detector test we are we can beat the fbi has nothing on us we can tell it over and over and again until it becomes an alcoholic truth and one of the truths that we tell ourselves is that we can continue to drink but the second step says, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves, not ourselves can restore us to sanity and if we can tap into that power that's where the change starts to happen do we change? No, but that's where the chain starts to have this is a big deal for me, this area of Fort Lauderdale is a big detail for me because this is where I got sober and this is also where I relapsed but more importantly, because I got sober and I was living in a halfway house around the corner from here. And not, not because I wanted to move into a halfway House. Not that I ever had dreams in college. I said, what is your dream? My dream is to someday own a house and then have that house taken from me because of drinking and then move into someone else's house that you don't own. And it's not a full house, it's called a halfway house That wasn't a dream of mine But somehow because I went I could take one drink after seven years I signed that house away to my beautiful wife My parents went and got divorce papers drawn I wasn't served I was served with a restraining order And they came over to the Fort Lauderdale Hospital Right down the street And they served me with a retraining order Which I never had a restrainer All new things, new things And the guy comes in He goes We want to invite you to come live at Liberty House Which is a halfway house I said bro, I have a full house in Hollywood I'm not into your house He goes well This is called the restraining order You're homeless as of tomorrow And then of course I say Okay tell me about the amenities of your halfway house And the next thing you know I'm living in Liberty House With Stinky Feet Mason and Eddie And my journey starts there At a meeting called The Victory AA Meeting Which I know some of you guys I know a guy from there And some of your guys And my buddy Eddie comes in I didn't know him But he came in And he was also a relapse He was also A newly back Sober relapse guy Relapse means That you were sober And then you went back to drinking It's called a relapse Some people call it a slip I don't call it slip I call it relapse Slipping to me is like You know, you slip on a banana peel And you wind up in a vodka bottle It seems difficult So I'm in the meeting And they say Is anybody here for under 30 days? I raise my hand for under30 days And the guy next to me Is a guy named Eddie And he raises his hand For under 30 day And we both meet each other And it turns out We're roommates at this halfway house. We didn't even know it. It wasn't associated with it. We go home that day and it turns out we're roommates. And everything is going great and I get my old sponsor back. I call Jerry Bear, tough Jewish guy from Manhattan. I call him and I tell him I want him. Can you sponsor me? I go, I relapse. He goes, shocking. And he's like that. I said, I need direction. He said, well, I'm going to give you the first direction. You're going to start praying on your knees in the detox and you're going to start asking God to keep you clean and sober in the detox and then at night time you're gonna ask him you're gotta say to him thank you for keeping you clean and sober simple directions didn't need not a lot of interpretation I'm already balking he's Jewish I'm Catholic I start playing the Catholic Jewish thing I'm like Jerry you know a lot of Catholics we don't pray on our knees outside of mass it's kind of a sin he goes I don't care what religion you call yourself If you want me to be your sponsor You're going to start praying on your knees In the detox for God to keep you clean and sober And you're going pray on your knees at the end of the day And you are going to say thank you And so I start doing that I get out, I get to the halfway house I'm praying on my knees Everything is going good I'm showering I don't know about you I'm not a big showerer When I'm drinking I'm a big eating guy I'm making my bed guy I'm hygiene guy I'm not a big shaver guy I'm kind of like a drinking guy and so I'm shaving and I'm showering and I am eating and my ego returns and I was sober about 30 days and I'm already doing stuff in the halfway house that is very questionable and and I come up with this plan even though I'm praying on my knees in the morning and I'm asking God to keep me clean and sober and I am thanking him at night I come up with this alcoholic plan for me to get high one more time, for me to get drunk one more time because this is a good area to get drunk. There's a lot of good drunken around here and so I come up with this plan that I'm going to tell my wife who has a restraining order against me which means I can't call her that I need to have $199 for a cell phone and um so i do that the plan is in motion you see i'm on my knees and i'm asking god to keep me clean and sober but i haven't turned my will of my life over to the care of god maybe i didn't get to the third step yet i'm not sure exactly what happened but inside me and i said it last week is good steve and bad steve who i feed wins and who i starve dies came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity i know nothing about and I'm praying on my knees and while I'm on my knees, I come up with a plan to get high one more time. And here's the plan. Call your wife, get the $199 because I'm a guy that doesn't go out on a run with no money. I noticed some of you guys like to go on runs with no Money. That's very entrepreneurial of you but I think you should do some better planning. And so I call her up and and i say sweetheart she already knows that you know something's wrong what's up can i have money she puts me on hold and she calls her sponsor from alan on and i didn't know she had was in al-anon and alan on is this amazing program that teaches uh people that are in relationship with us how to hear if we're lying which is basically our lips are moving And they come up with this plan And our sponsor says Give them the money Give me the 100 I'm 30 days clean I'm a drug addict, alcoholic They give me 100 They set me up Which I've looked at the bylaws of Al-Anon And I think that something is wrong And I get the money And I come up With this plan I'm going to go down To the Sprint store and Broward Boulevard and Federal Highway. I'm going to buy the cheapest cell phone they have and after I get that cell phone, I'm gonna call my wife. I'm Gonna tell her I'm at a meeting. I'm Going to call the halfway house manager which is Jeff Weinstein. I'm Goin to tell him I'm At A Meeting and then I'm Going to Get Loaded for Three Hours then I'M Going To Stop Abruptly at A Certain Time which Is Three O'Clock I'M Goin To Rush Home I'M GOing To Shower Shave and Brush My Teeth and By The Time My Roommates Come Home I'M going To Look Like The Epitome of Serenity and I'M Gonna Be Like hey, how you doing? How was your day? Really, you can relate to what I'm saying. And so I get to the thing and I say to the guy behind the counter give me the cheapest cell phone you have I need to be out of here right now and this is what God does for me for this guy, for this alcoholic there's nobody garden variety alcoholic he sends me to the one guy from Alcoholics Anonymous that happened to be at the meeting from the day before from the Victory AA meeting and Drew that just celebrated 24 years of sobriety last week stands up from the counter and he's tall he's like endless tall and he says Stevie B I saw you yesterday in the Victory AAA meeting welcome back and the hand of AA was in the Sprint store 23 years ago for me on the day that I was going to go get loaded and how i work a step two is i start doing things that are differently different excuse me and god does things that ARE DIFFERENT i start praying on my knees and he starts showing up when i'm on my needs i start asking him for sobriety and he sends a guy he sends me to the guy in aa at the sprint store by the name of drew who says to me welcome back we saw you yesterday at aa and step two becomes not some step in a book and all, step two becomes reality for me I start seeing that the things that I'm doing differently are making me believe and come to believe that there is a power that's greater than me and if I turn my power over to that or even believe in that I can return, not even sanity return like I've never even had sanity that it would return something different for me and then I call my sponsor and my sponsor says I want you to memorize the third step prayer and I don't know anything about the third step prayer and understand something I was in a seven years already and I didn't know any about the set can you imagine I mean a there's a manual there's instructions there's speakers and I heard about the first step prayer and I never memorized the third stepper I'm gonna tell you something I would I memorize a lot of stuff today that's not life-saving the third-step prayer and memorizing it is life-saving why is it life-saving because when i want to get in my own way and i say god i offer myself to you to build with me or thee to build avec me and do with me as thou will and i do that prayer and i get on my knees in the middle of the day this is what happens to a guy like me i actually not just physically turn my will in my life or i take my spirit and I take my spirit out of my hands and I put it into God's hands and usually at this time I ask the entire meeting to get on their knees and it's very powerful we love doing it, it's a powerful experience but what I'm going to ask you just is to repeat their prayer after me, we're going to do it together look at your cards take a moment God God, I offer myself to thee To build with me and to do with me as thou wilt Relieve me of the bondage of self That I may better do thy will Take away my difficulties That victory over them May bear witness to those I would help Of thy power and thy love And thy way of life May I do thy well always and I say amen and my friends say amen and we say amen and why do we say amen because it's not in the big book you can't say it it's right there it says the words are but optional we say Amen because Amen means we agree with the prayer you know I want to share something with you there's a lot of people that are saying a lot of things from different podiums like they have the way the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is very clear AA is but a spiritual kindergarten they may have the way of kindergarten great but there's many ways to god and there's many ways of sobriety and alcoholics and i'm is one of them and i love it and i Love AA and I'm in a I'm not going anywhere we love it i follow men like paul and and and maddie and peter and michael and i loved alcoholist and on and marion i love alcohols now but i don't hang on to every word that's in the big book like if it's a dear thou that it's going to destroy my program because it's not i follow a god that wrote the big one I follow the God that wrote the third step. I follow The God that got us sober. And if you follow that God, then you're not going to follow the God that is the big book. Big book is not a God. This is not the Holy Grail. This is a great medium. It's a great tool. It's an amazing how sometimes we get misled by people that are saying this is the way. No, it's a great way. It's an awesome way. And in the third step prayer, it reminds me that I'm not the way. I'm Not the Truth. And I'm NOT the Life. It's God that's the truth, the way, and the life. And if I want to follow that way, am I going to get the things that Peter and Marian and Michael and everybody has? Of course I'm going to. And it's going to be awesome. But I have to remember that I am a baby in a baby program that's only been around 80 plus years that's based along about books that have been around thousands of years. And do I, am I looking to change anything in the first 164 pages? No, but I want to find out more about the one that wrote the first164 pages. And that's not Bill W. And that'S not Dr. Bob. They are the vessels. They are vestibules. they are the channels to which god's power and infinite grace and mercy wrote in penmanship where he wrote the 12 steps in 10 minutes bill w if you know anything about a person that has two and a half years of sobriety nothing they're going to write in 10 units is going to stand 80 plus years with this group of crazy people we can't even decide what size coffee cups we're going to use in an AA meeting. Let me tell you, my friend, if you ever go to a business meeting, which I don't recommend it going right away at all, they spend five business meetings to decide whether they're going to do eight outs or ten outs. So how is a person with two and a half years of sobriety ever going to be able to write the big book about what does Miss Jackie say? But God. What is my choice to be? Turn my will and my life over the care of me i did that i crashed my ship i i shipwrecked it didn't work so i get to the big book and on page 62 it tells me that we had a new employer being all powerful all sorts of remarkable things followed if we stayed close to him and performed his work well who's his god i don't believe in god it doesn't matter if you don't believe in God i don'T CARE IF I DON'T BELIEVE in gravity it doesn't make it not true I go to the top of the building, I don't believe in gravity what happened to Steve? He smushed on the cement he's a little coin, he fell off what happened? He didn't believe in gravity he just had a problem with gravity, when he was younger gravity did him wrong and so he just jumped and it turns out gravity won you see how ridiculous that is to have a problem with the creator now am i saying that my concept god didn't mean your concept no you just need to know there's a concept you're not god and if you're still having a problem of god after what i just said then there's three different things i want you to hear tonight about step three there's god group of drunks that's this whole meaning. This is a group of drunks and a group of drumps, of course, is going to be more powerful than you. So if you still are having a problem with God, don't worry. The big book says it doesn't matter. Whatever your concept of God, however inadequate, is a great place to start and Alcoholics Anonymous is all inclusive, not exclusive. So, if you don't believe in God, we still want you here. You could believe in the group of drugs. My friend that I met tonight who seems like a very wonderful man. If you don' t believe in god, you can believe in a group of drunks that's god and this is meeting which has been going on for decades which is so well done and in integrity and so well put together this group of drucks will probably be here next thursday night because they've been coming here for years and years and ears in integrity that's group of drugs and then there's your inner circle of people that is another god which is good orderly direction what does that mean isn't that god good what is good orderly direct i i hear people i think even my sponsor comes up here nothing put my sponsor down i'm not he's amazing man perfect one not perfect wonderful not perfect and i think he puts down group of drunks oh no no he puts out good orderly direction but i look at it a different way i'm disagreeing with him 44 years of sobriety 23 years of right i'm not putting this group of drunk help me all the time john's in my group of drunks my sponsor's in my group of drunks jerry's in my group or drunks peter marinelli's in my group of drumps marion's in my group of drugs people group of drugs help me all the time what does the bible say about a group of drunks wisdom comes in a multitude of counsel that's god group of drugs so now i have i have good i'm sorry good orderly direction i i messed it up i apologize my the council that you have around you is good orderlich direction okay call up maddie maddie what do you think about this man he's got 38 years of surprise something like that paul's got 40 what do you think that that's good orderly direction i go to my meeting group of drugs so now i have these two lower g gods group of drunks the people that i have around me for for for uh counsel and i have good orderLY direction i group of drums i have those little g gods but now i have to have for myself i haveto have in the third step because it doesn't say i turn my will in my life over to a group of drunks. It doesn't say I turn my will and my life over to good, orderly direction. It says that I get to turn my will and mine and my life over to a new to a father that we were his children. Try that on when you get home tonight. Go to the mirror and say to the mirror, if you don't believe in God, I don't believe in you but I want to believe in a father and I want to be your child and have a one-on-one conversation with God and see what happens. The big book says that God is not looking to make hard terms for those that seek Him. He's not trying to play hide-and-seek. He doesn't love Guy more than he loves me. He doesn'T love Paul more than He loves you. He doesn' t have any favorites. If you call Him Father, you're His favorite. He's got your picture on His fridge. It's a big fridge. now where am I getting all this information because it sounds like I'm spewing a lot of stuff I get all this information from the big book of alcoholics everything, and the thing that you're not going to hear from me in the next 3 or 4 weeks 3 or 5, I'm not sure what it is but I'm so blessed to be here you're never going to see me you're just not going to feel that this is the way this is your only way and if you don't do it this way and if say amen at the end of the third step prayer you're doing the program right And if you don't follow it through like this, you're going to go to hell. None of that is true. I met people in my life that have good, incredible sobriety. I'm not recommending this. Don't freak out. Don't run out of here. Don't uninvite me. That didn't even know about the steps. Maddie does too. They didn't know about The Steps. They knew about meetings. They didn' t do The Step but they carried the 12th step every day of their life. They didn't formally work the steps, but they do all the steps without formally knowing it. Now, do I recommend that? No, I recommend formally doing the steps and then carrying it out in your life. I want to share this incredible story I heard this weekend from this man from Ireland, Paul from Dublin. And if you have a chance to listen to this man, it's incredible. And he shared about how in his hometown of Dublin, this is Alcoholics Anonymous, this one I want to share with you my friend that an alcoholic in dublin and alcoholics anonymous they had the war the big problem they had their catholics and the protestants they were killing each other i'm not sure about the politics of that if you want to know more linda's here maddie's here there's a whole irish contingency right in that area you'll be able to talk to them and try to discern what they're saying and in this meeting there was a man and one of the men from the other aside in this little town of not little town but dublin the man came in and stabbed this man in the neck and he was in surgeries for the next 10 years or five years and he Was pronounced dead three times the man stabbed him because he was the opposite side whether it was the protestant or the catholic i'm not sure the whole thing linda can explain to you and i'm Not doing it as a joke this is true and he went to kill the man and the man did die three times but the man survived and he was in Alcoholics Anonymous and they're in this meeting in Dublin and they are having this meeting and this other man walks in and the whole meeting goes silent because they know that the man that just walked in is the man that in a pub one night took the knife and stabbed the man in the neck and everybody is silent and the man that is still disabled to this day an upstanding member of Alcoholics Anonymous stood up from his chair and nobody knows what they're going to do because in this part of the island they kill you five generations for retribution, they didn't know what was going to happen and the man from AlcoholicsAnonymous went up to the man that was shaking that just came in the door that stabbed him in the neck and gave him a cup of coffee and helped him to sit down in a chair and said welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous we've been waiting for you that's the program that you're in that's what you just came into tonight, we put aside all differences all politics, all previous associations and we serve one God of your understanding we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God let me share something with you, that man from Dublin Ireland if he didn't turn his will and his life over to the care of God. He would have been just like everybody else that was killing the next person that came along because that was the thing, right Linda? That's the thing you have to do. You have to stick up for your family and if someone killed you and your family, you have to go kill their family. But that man in Alcoholics Anonymous said, I believe so much in God and his sovereignty and that he put together AlcoholicsAnonymous that it's more important for me to carry the 12 step to the man that came in the door and he put all that away and welcome that man into alcoholics and odds if you're not having remarkable go on in your life if you were having a life and you've been in a while and your life is just hanging in there like you see someone and they've been here a while not the man that just came in for the But you've seen someone for a while. They're coming week after week, hanging in there. How many sponsees do you have? Well, here's the deal. Don't judge Alcoholics Anonymous. They're not in AA. They're in something. BB CC The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is outlined in this book It's not to be taken that if you don't do every word You're not going to make it But if you want to have a life that's happy, joyous and free Listen let me share some of you There's some amazing cooks My mother is an amazing cook If I want to get what she makes she's the greatest Italian cook you've ever seen. If I want to get the way that her cooking is, I don't come up with my own recipe of the thing that I think is amazing that my mom cooks. And some of you guys are great bakers. You know how to put something in the oven and you bake it and it comes out and it's delicious and it'S a cake. And there's a formula. 40, 35 minutes at this amount of degrees and you mix it up in a bowl and it's got eggs and it has flour and sugar and baking powder or soda I'm not sure which one of them I just do cracks so I don't remember and you mix it up in a ball and put it in a pan and you bake it at 350 degrees for 45 minutes and when it comes out it resembles your lives it resembles an amazing cake but if I try to change that because I don't have the time to do the recipe that you taught me and I put it in at 500 degrees at 15 minutes then it's a tortilla and a tortilla is not a cake and you're not going to have the same experience with a tortilla it's not going to be fluffy it's going to be crunchy and I want to share something with you because I'm looking at some of you some of your very crunchy faces because you skipped the process you think that being sober is the answer, being sober is not the answer you will get sober with a relationship with God being sober is a byproduct of a relationship with God but then your face will be soft and not crunchy. God bless you.