Steps 3 and 4 – 2nd Annual Stay Sober for Keeps Workshop – Part 2 of 5 – 2012 – John K.

You know, I won't have time to do my whole spiel on three, but I, you know, he covered a whole lot of ground on this step two stuff. I kind of told you about mine last night, you know, was sitting down with Cliff. I come into that meeting and I'm dying. My brain is screaming for booze. I'm shaking. I vibrate and he sits down and he identifies with me and he gets me where he needs to get me. And he asked me the questions. Are you a real alcoholic? And I'm yes, I'm an alcoholic. And he tells me that I am screwed. Right. He didn't use that word. But the next question he asked me is, do you believe it works for me? And I said, yes. And then he went down. That was all. That was the flimsy read that I had getting in this door. I hoped what worked for the old man would work for me. Why? Because I'm desperate in step one. He did not at that time take it upon himself to talk about me about the essence of God. You know, chapter four. We agnostics talks. We talk about prejudice, prejudice, prejudice. I went to church as a kid. I went to vacation Bible school. I went to Pine Cove and Sky Ranch. I did all that stuff. I never stopped believing in God. But I felt that God was not where I'm at because God don't go to roll the places I go, you know. And when I got into a land, it was. Everybody talking about their HP and this and just made me nuts. So I had some prejudice to overcome. But I had some prejudice to overcome. But I started with that flimsy read of hope. And the kind of segue from there is I had this guy that I sponsor. He does not believe the same way that I believe. My sponsor has actually tried. This guy has been around for decades. He does not believe in God. And Cliff had given it a go on many, many times. And I worked with this guy and we actually made a good beginning. And he had like six months good. And everything was rocking. And he had a great schedule. His life was transforming. And the rubber met the road on a certain occasion in his personal life. And I remember the call. I was working at the Crescent Hotel. Or Crescent. Anyway. He calls me. And I said, Brad, we know what to do. Right? We've talked about this. We've prayed about this. Get your butt down to 2-4. And help these guys. And we'll let God sort out this mess. Now, at that point, the math was real easy. Do what the program asks. Or go do what you always do. And I didn't hear from him. He was supposed to call me in a couple hours. He never called me. And he was gone. Dropped off the face of the map. And nobody knew where Brad was. And about a year and a half later, I get this feeble, weak call. And it was him. And he's a little older than me. Maybe five or six or ten years. Whatever it is. And he told me that he was living in, he was at a nursing home in Oak Cliff, which is where I live. A nursing home. And he said, can you come see me? And I went and sat down with him. Pitiful. He's got a colostomy back there. He has drank so much. He fell out in downtown Dallas. They started removing parts of his stomach and internal organs because of alcohol. And I give him a pack of smokes and he tells me this story. And this guy knows the big book. The guy knows. Knows the literature as good as any man out there. He knows the drill. And I've been round and round with him about this deal. And I listened to his sad story and it was sad. It was heartbreaking. And he says, I'm ready to do anything. And there was part of me that wanted to hit my knees right then and do the deal. And I said, this is what we're going to do, buckaroo. You know what's in this book. You know what the program asks. Here's your pack of smokes. I want you to do a little soul searching tonight. Go out there on the little patio. Look up in the heavens. Talk to Mother Earth. Do what you got to do, dude. And if you want to make a decision to go through with this. And he tells me this story, right? About him going into the hospital. And the last thing he remembers, he doesn't remember him passing out. The next thing he knows, he's in Parkland Hospital. And they're rushing him into emergency surgery. And he remembers the surgeon telling him, Mr. Hall. You're in bad shape. There's nine out of ten. You're probably not going to survive this surgery. And Brad's telling me that he was thankful. Because finally he gets to get out of the game. Because he can't live sober. And he's going to die drunk. And he's done. And the next thing he remembers, he remembers tugging at his throat and everything. And he comes to and the nurses are strapping him down. And he's trying to pull the tubes out of his deal. And he finally puts two and two together and realized that he survived the surgery. And I said, well, what happened? He's like, I was frigging pissed. Why are you pissed? And he goes, because God would let me live through this. I didn't say anything. Because Brad's got a problem with God. He don't believe in God. So he tells me this little story. And I'm like, all right. You do some soul searching buckaroo and you call me tomorrow or the next day or whatever. And if you want to do this deal, we'll do this deal. He calls me the next day. He says, I'm ready. So I went back over to this nursing home and we got a little big book. Can't get any privacy there. So we're out in their parking lot. And he says, I'm ready. He goes, I want to do this book. I want to do the third step and let's get going. I said, all right, before we do that, I need to ask you a question about your story last night. And I said, were you telling me the truth? And he got offended. I said, well, that little part about you being pissed off after surgery. Why are we? And he tells me again. I said, Brad, you don't believe in God. How can you be pissed off at God? And he was like a train wreck in his head. And I said, Brad, I know we believe a little bit different. Right. And I'm not asking you to believe as I believe. But do you believe it works for me? And he's like, dude, I know your story. I know it works for you. Great. Start there. Look up there and say to mother. The spirit of the ocean, whatever. Believe in the power. He goes, I believe in the power. There's some power out there. And it's got to be better than what I got. Great. And we hit our knees in the parking lot. Right. And did his third step prayer. And I told you about my third step prayer because I'm screwed in one. I hope into we'll get to all that stuff. I will come to believe in the power, whatever that power is. Right. It's guaranteed. It tells me. Look at page 50. Actually, we're fooling ourselves. We're deep down. And every man, 55 forever for deep down in every man, woman and child is the fundamental idea of God. That is a bold statement. He's saying that in every one of us, whether we believe or don't believe is the idea of God. That's bold. Have you all ever been in trouble before? I mean, like bad trouble, like real bad trouble. You got a trunk full of this, a belly full of booze and the lights are on behind you and you know, right? Or maybe you're at court and you're looking at the judge. And you look over at your little dipshit court appointed attorney going, oh, no. Have you all ever done this? I swear to God, if you get me out of this, I'll do anything. Who are you talking to? And more importantly, who told you to do that? My mama didn't pull me aside as little John Kelly said, now, little John Kelly, as you grow older, shit will hit the fan. And when it does, I need you to do a timeout. Look up here and say, God, if you give me, no one taught me how to do that. I was in an impossible situation. I'm running the choices all through my head. A, B, C, D. They all suck. I needed help. Was that thing that I was talking to, was it everything or was it nothing? Everything. Did I have to know it? No, I hoped it. Right? I've never seen a million dollars cash. I believe that it exists. I know it exists and I've never seen it, felt it, touched it. Right? And that's how we got my little buddy Brad back on. He just believed. He believes in the power. The book is guaranteed to get me to that power. It says we can only clear the ground a bit. If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourage you to search diligently within yourself, not out there, in myself. Then if you wish, you can join us on this broad highway with this attitude. You cannot fail. Treatment center number one through five were not giving me guarantees when I signed in. This has given me a guarantee. If I take this attitude and work this program, I will. I am guaranteed to get to the power that will save my rear guaranteed. But I got to go at it with the desperation of a drowning man. And that's what I try to teach to my guys, you know. And in that first week of my sobriety, my sponsor had me checking in with him every day. He had me reading the stuff in the book and we got over to his house. You know, I'm what? Tuesday to Saturday is like five days or whatever. I'm five days sober. And we're here on these pages. And this is what I show to my new guys. You know, the ABCs on page 60 are a great recap of steps one and two. That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. I was 35, unemployable. My family didn't want to do, have anything to do with me. I was nothing. Right? That is me running the show. That is where I got. B, that probably no human power could relieve my alcoholism. Frothy emotional appeal. Threats. Fear. They, a lot of kind people tried to help me. I was beyond their power. If I was powerless over people, places and things, my sainted mama could have kept me sober. Because my family has hit their all-time lows because of my alcoholism and they don't drink. I'm not powerless. I was beyond human aid. See that God could have would if you were sought. I didn't know much about God going in. But it worked for you and I hope it worked for me. Why? Because I'm desperate in step one. It's that friggin' simple. In step three, they're talking about how do I act as an alcoholic? I'm like an actor who wants to direct a movie. I'm like, it's got to be my way or the highway. I've got to direct. I've got to manage you and manage her and manage this and manage this. Why? Because I'm under the illusion that if I can get my act together and you'll all do it my way, we'll all sing Kumbaya and it'll be great. Right? Right? And if I've got to do that, in order for me to do that, what do I do? I can be real, real nice. And if that don't work, screw you. And what happens? You don't do it my way. You retaliate. Now I hate you. Simple. Right? And look at it. That is my life in a nutshell over and over and over, whatever I do. And on 62, he says, Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. He didn't say alcoholism, vodka. No, it's my selfishness and self-centeredness. How is that the root of my troubles? He just touched on it. Page 52. Left to my own devices. I'm selfish. I'm egotistical. I'm full of fear. I got all this stuff. I can't seem to be a real help to other people. I got all this spiritual malady kicking my behind. It's all self, self, self. Who's been to treatment in here? Do they do on the beam and off the beam? In y'all's treatment, they have the on the beam chart and the off the beam. But they have that in every treatment center in Texas. I tell these guys at Homeward Bound, I give you a $100 bill right now. Find me one of those off the beam things that ain't selfish. They're all selfish. Left to my own devices. I'm a selfish, self-centered creature. And I will get myself to the point to where my brain says, screw it, drink. That's how it works. So the root of our troubles we think are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves. And the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. I just think you're all a-holes, right? Never mind that my life is complicated and chaotic, but I just think you all suck, right? I'm the last to see it. It says above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. How is selfishness going to kill me? Spiritual malady kicks my butt. What does my brain come up with? Drink. I drink. I drink to die. That's how. Selfishness kills me. And I can't fix my selfishness. I can't. I'm just working on my selfishness. No. Me working on my selfish is more selfish. Right? Have you ever shocked yourself? Have you ever tried to be less selfish? See, it doesn't really work. So it says we had to have God's help. In Brad's case, it was the power. We had to have the power's help. Right? And see, when I'm managing and co-managing and micromanaging, and what am I doing? I'm playing God. And it didn't work. It got me 35 and homeless and penniless. I got to give up the ghost. And I shared this with you last night. I mean, this is a simple thing. When we sincerely take such a position, all sorts of remarkable things follow. Right? I've done some doozy, doozy third steps. And it'll melt your heart. They were so cool. I did one at Homer Bound where we got the feel the power slogan. I mean, I did like five guys in one night. And my buddy Kurt came up. Myers wasn't there. And he said, Kurt said, I turned around. And he's like, how'd it go? And I guess I had a grin, a little Jimmy Osmond grin from ear to ear. And I'm like, feel the power. I mean, it was mind blowing. These little gang bangers on their knees doing third steps, crying and stuff. And I'm like four months sober. All right. But it's one thing to make it because all I'm doing in third and what I teach my guys. Well, all I'm doing is step three is I'm making a commitment with my sponsor and God that I'm going to get off my butt and take these steps. It's like, oh, it's sunny now. I think I'll go to the liquor store if I never leave the house. That decision is all for not. My decision. My decision must be followed up with action. This is all about action. Alcoholics Anonymous is going to ask me to say a prayer. But one of the key things that I think is so important that Cliff told me and I did it last night. We have a new employer being all powerful. He provided what we needed, comma. Here's the hook provided we kept close to him and performed his work well. And he said, underline and I underline. He says, there's your job description to the day you die. My job. Today is the same as it was 12 years ago. My job today is stay close to God and do this work. And I've added on from what Cliff told me. My job is to stay close to God and do this work today. No matter what happens. That is my responsibility. That is my job description. If I want to get all the benefits of having a job, I got to do my job. And it doesn't matter what happens today. I may lose the job. I may go belly up. She may leave. It does not matter. My job is to get with my sponsor and get with God and go help somebody. And for that, I will get everything that I need. And if God has given me everything I need, what else do I need? That's pretty simple. You know, it's a these aren't these aren't hard concepts. But when I sit there and try to micromanage them in my head and try to pontificate on these spiritual principles, I will get jammed up every time. I did that for a lot of, you know, sometimes. It's kind of a curse to be semi bright. Because I think, well, how does that work? How do I know if I'm being spiritual? You know, how do I know? Like, dude, just go do and thank God for Cliff and for Myers teaching me in the beginning. This ain't about pontificating and thinking about it. Let's just throw you in the deep end, Buckaroo, and go. God will get you where you need to go. You know, Mother Teresa never, I don't think, I've never talked to her, but I doubt she walked around the streets walking around Calcutta wondering if she was spiritual. She just did. You dig? She did what she did. That was her relationship with God. She didn't sit there and wonder about the essence. She just did. You know, and that's how, you know, my third step prayer with Cliff was really good. And the guys that I... I do, I tell them the same stuff we do it the same way that Cliff did it with me. Right? We go over all this preliminary stuff. We make sure all our ducks are in a row. But I let them know this prayer is insignificant. It is absolutely 100% meaningless if we don't get up off our knees and hug and you go start working on the rest of this stuff. Because the clock is ticking. Now this guy's got a week or so under his belt. He's done a third step prayer. And now the marching orders are, my actions today is what shows God how willing I am not to pick up a drink. And so the rubber meets the road after that, you know. But when they shared with me, it was so enlightening to me because it was so utterly simple. If you ever can hear Cliff Bishop do a foundation meeting, one of the things that he said over and over and over and throughout the meeting, over and over and over, he makes a point out of the big book and he says, that's simple, isn't it? And you can't argue with them. You can sit there and try. A lot of smart guys that are drunk today have tried. There's a whole bunch of smart people that can't get sober out there, you know. I've never sponsored anybody that was too damn stupid. But I know a lot of guys that are too smart. But you hear the old man talking about it and he says, that's simple. I'm like, yeah. Because I spent years kicking around. And it was never simple. It was torturous trying to get my head wrapped around all this. Instead, he said, here's the program. Here's the action. This is what we're going to do. Let's go do that. And the minute you balk, go away. We'll do a couple minutes back. We've got about 10 minutes before we break. Sure. Does anybody have any questions? Q&A. Little something rubbing you wrong. Did I say something or Meyer say something that totally flies in your face? Of what you've been taught and you want to take issue? I knew we'd have it. And he's got a death metal shirt on. All right. Let's go. Come on. Oh. I'm Tim. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Is this on? Can you hear me? Yep. Let's go. Mic check. One, two. One, two. All right. So my question is actually to Myers. And he says, if a person already has a conception of God, you might not need to read We Agnostics with your newcomer. And my question is, what about when you bring your newcomer through the work and then they go to sponsor someone and that person is confused and then the person you worked with doesn't know how to deal with that person who has an issue? Let's clarify that. That's a great question. Yeah. What we're talking about here is getting guys healthy enough to breathe tomorrow. Okay. We're talking about this triage situation. We're talking about this triage situation where we're trying to get guys healthy. We're going to go back and do this stuff. See, we're lucky where we are because all we do is study the text. I mean, we're not discussing anything else or this kind of stuff. We've got three meetings a week and they're all big book-based meetings and we're always talking about that. So we can bring these guys, get them involved in the meeting, and then we bring them along through that. I'm reading through this stuff to them like this. Every man that we sponsor, regardless of how many there is, all of these guys are getting the text. We're reading the book to them and we're going through this stuff. We're teaching them the things. And as weird as this sounds, the moment you get sober, the moment you get off your knees and we're doing a third step prayer like this, and sometimes this happens the very first night that you're there. I know some of you guys are really shocked. The first night that they're there. I mean, I'm talking 60% of the men I sponsor, we're doing step one, two, and three the first night that they're there. There's no reason to get this stuff drawn out. I understand the thought processes behind it, but we can talk about that so that you'll understand where I'm coming from. But the moment you get on path. So to speak, and we're getting you set up for your inventory that's coming up. I'm already thinking about what you're going to be telling the guys that you sponsor. And so I'm always asking you these questions. I'm constantly asking you these questions. If you get a guy that you're sponsoring and this is going to be important, make a note of this underlying this under it. It's not so much for your edification in terms of your own recovery because we're already there. It's so that you'll know what it is that you're supposed to do. Because listen, guys, the dead last thing I want. The dead last thing I want. Is for you to get where I was years into this program and not understand the program and not be able to teach this stuff. I'm going to tell you real quick. There was a there was a time when all I all I did was sponsor indigence off the street brand new guys in off the street. These days they seem to be split. It seems to have changed because of the places that I'm carrying the message. Most of the most of the cats that I sponsor are guys my age. Oh, crusty dudes that have been around for a little while. Or brand new guys. I mean, most of the like them little little milk mustache is still on their mouth. They're so young. They come walking in. They got a little towels they can lay down, you know, like this. I mean, it's like kids. And it's the it's the coolest thing in the world to have this little army of little little little a Amazons that age. And you just you can't imagine what they're going to do when they're my age. But it's going to be it's going to be something to see. I hope I'm here to see it. But but these old dudes, let me tell you. That's what. That's what they do. I mean, a lot of these times these old guys get in here like this and it takes weeks and weeks and weeks sometimes to break down the wall of of arrogance. And it's not it's not this in your face kind of arrogance. These aren't boastful men. These are simply men that have been around for a while and they they they have have garnered a head full of one liners and they they know a little of this and they know a little of that. But they have made themselves sort of comfort comfortable and isolated within the fellowship. But when you start asking them specific questions. They start doing exactly what I did sitting in Cliff Bishop's living room. They all of a sudden you find out. Wait a minute. You don't. You know what I'm saying? I don't know if I told you this thing about this guy the other night that this old dude that I'm sponsoring and we were there's two or three old guys there. And I said, hey, you guys flip over to flip over to Fred story. Let's talk about this thing in just a second. And they were they were, you know, one guy flipped over to the front of the book and the other guy goes to the back of the book and he's looking through the stories. And I go, no, no, no. I said, Fred story. You remember Fred and Jim and the J. Walker all like this. And he's back. He's no, he goes to the front of the stories in the back. I mean, he's he's still know where it is. And I mean, this guy has been in our rooms for 28 years, something like this. And I'm just but I see this all the time. And I'm not trying to jam this cat up. I've got his permission to tell this story like this. And the I mean, I didn't look at him and go, you are you stupid? Which is come on. I thought that. But I didn't do that. What? I. No, what I did was I said, brother, let me show you. Right. It's right. Fred story in the front of the book. You know. And so he goes, oh, yeah. And a couple of days later, he says, Myers, he said, I guess by now, you know that I don't understand any of this. And I went, yeah, I was beginning to get that that picture. But you know what? Let's just start over. I mean, let's just start at the beginning of this thing like that. He did his first step talk for a whole month in Houston. I mean, in Dallas here just recently like this. And I'm telling you, he knocked it out of the ballpark. And here was a guy who had never. In all those years, had he ever sponsored anybody and never in all that length of time had he ever done a talk, an AA talk in AA. Twenty eight years into the gig. Crazy. We just go back and gather it up. Did that answer your question? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, like, so you're saying that you would. So you're saying that you would you would just discuss that with them, maybe like when you're doing working with others, like. Kind of pretty quick. I'm gathering these guys back up. You have done particular issue because that's quite it's quite an issue because people don't know how to talk to newcomers when they've already done the steps and they think they're ready to sponsor and they don't know how to work with newcomers that have like particular issues, you know? Yeah, I understand what you listen. I'm not cutting any guy that I sponsor loose to sponsor anybody until he can answer the questions that I'm asking him until he can teach it to me. And most of my conversations, these guys with men that I sponsor, I'm saying, tell them me, tell me what you would do in this case. I'm brand new and I think this and I think your God sucks. Tell me what you do. And he'll tell me. I mean, it's like it's like old school stuff. And we'll work through the situation. And he builds a head of knowledge around what it's like to teach big book. And then and then he's ready to go. He's ready to go do that deal like that. Listen, guys, I'm telling you, if any stage of the game, people go, well, you're forcing these guys do this work and they're just going to get sick. They're going to you're going to make them drink. You're going to. I've heard every story. We can talk about it off podium if you'd like. We've talked about it. Talk about it this afternoon if you'd like. The point here is this, is that at any stage of the game, if my man pushes back, I stop as long as he's as aggressive as I am, as long as he is motivated to go do this stuff. We're going to make make tracks. But the moment he goes, are you sense a pushback? That means that something's making him feel uncomfortable. And we're we've stopped right there. We're not going to go any farther until that obstacle is done. This is the reason why I don't like the idea of multiple third. Steps with a whole room full of people. There's a lot of conferences where everybody will get on their knees and do a third step. I understand it. I'm just saying the problem is we're basing all of this stuff as a foundational kind of a situation. So you've got five guys in their room that are ready to do that. And you've got 10 guys in the room that are ambivalent. They're not really sure where they feel about God. Now, we're asking this guy to turn his will and his life over to something he's not even sure exists. And so we do the inventory group wise like this. He's there's not a man alive. I promise you there's not a man alive that has the cojones to say. I'm not ready to do this in a room full of his peers that are ready to do this. It ain't going to happen. He's going to go ahead and go through. And you ask him later. He said, yeah, I did a third step. No, he didn't. And when his program starts falling apart downrange. That's why we stopped doing that years ago. I want I want on this. I don't mind working the steps with guys in groups together like this. But when we do personal things like inventory and we do personal things like like a third step prayer, it's going to be me, him and God in a room. By ourself on our knees doing this stuff. You dig. Thank you. Perfectly. Yep. Yep. Yep. Anybody else have a real quick question? We got like five minutes. Yes, sir. Hang on a second. There's a mic coming for you. Hang on a second. There's a mic coming for you like that. So we can keep it straight. Thanks. I may not have been listening very closely, but you'd mentioned something about five percent of the people are able to get and stay sober long term. Nowadays. Did that come from general services? Where does that come from? And has that changed like over maybe the last five years or? No, it's been like that for a long time. Listen, the stats of this success rate, it varies depending on where you are and what part of the world you're in. There is some variation. I've never ever heard any stats that went over 15% of us coming and staying and getting sober. I've never heard stats anywhere that were over that. I've heard them as low as 5%. Most people settle on 10% just because it's easier to do the math and stuff. It's easier to do the math in their head. It still sucks. I mean, it's still just about as bad. But most of these figures come straight from the intergroup offices. All of the intergroup offices in all metropolitan areas take inventories of chip sales. All of them. And most of those come from those chip sales. How many people picked up Desire chips? 16,888 in Dallas in 2010. 16,888 picked up Desire chips. 1,480 in Dallas. 1,480 one year. So the question would be like this. You can do the math on it. But the question would be is that we're talking, let's round it off. There's 15,000 people, not quite that, but there's 15,000 people unaccounted for in the fray. And so, listen, I know it's not scientific. And people go, oh, well, you know, you're just, we have to have some way to judge this stuff and see. And so, listen. If you had 17,000 people that picked up a Desire chip, I'm going to hand it to you going in that some people picked it up premature and didn't really want what we had. They just left. They had some people decided they didn't want to do what we did. Some people, I mean, you can glom onto every excuse that you want to. It's fine. Where I have a problem, guys, is that you cannot justify all of that because it's too hard to get here. Let me tell you something. How many of you guys remember what it was like when you picked up a Desire? I don't care how many you picked up. But you remember what it was like to look at the floor and then they get to that part and you go. And you stand up and you walk over and you pick up that chip like this. And maybe you're embarrassed. Maybe you're whatever like this. But let me tell you something. We don't pick up aluminum casually. It had to be important enough for us to do it in order for us to do it. And so for you to change from that kind of resolve, I'm ready to make this graphic illustration. And demonstration of my willingness to go through the rest of this stuff to a place where I'm not here anymore. Something had to happen. And I'm just saying, guys, as a fellowship, we need to start looking really closely at what that was that happened. What is it that happened? And so you don't have to do too much head scratching on it. I'll tell you what I think. You already know where I'm going with this. What I think happens is, is that the text, the solution that your brand new guy that picked up the Desire chip, the solution that he heard in the meeting was not. It was not the same solution that the early guys got. It was it had it had no intensity to it. It had no teeth to it. It had no guys. We spent years making the big book as subjective as we could make it. Well, you know, the big book means anything I want it to mean. But we hear this in our meetings, don't we? We run through this kind of stuff. We which we we are. Our goal is we don't want a rigid book. We want to make it subjective so that we can move it around. Kind of like our Constitution. Come on. Quit that. We did it to that other book to the big, big book. We did exactly that same kind of thing. It's just subjective. It means what I think it means. No, it doesn't. And the moment we get people pull back in track, we start seeing people get sober. And that's the cool part of the thing like this. We took we took a ferocious, ferocious program that got lots and lots of people sober and turn it in some to some kind of domesticated wussy program where nobody was getting sober worldwide. And we're like, I hate a wussy program. Come on now. Let's see. I think that answered that. I hope it did like that. Are we ready to eat some stuff? You think? We could even we could even mill around for a lot. And I could stretch like this. If y'all ever seen one of these up close, let me. Oh, yeah. I know he goes. There had to be a penis joke. There just had to be a penis joke. Yes, sir. My name is Randy. I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Randy. He said something about. My experience has been that the text, the meaning of the text has grown and changed as my sobriety has changed. When you said to the effect what I heard, which could be delusional, is. You know. What does it mean to you today? For me, what would have meant to me when I first came in is so far from what it means today. I believe that as we grow our understanding of the text grow. So when I say because I've shared in me, I said, whatever it means to you today is fine. They said that it's you know, it's your interpretation of that book. The book remains the same. But I believe our interpretation or our understanding changes. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm agreeing with 98 percent of what you just said. What's your two percent? The two percent of it is that I'm not going to let a newcomer decide what's real and what's not real. OK. I'm going to tell him I'm going in like that. But I understand exactly what you're saying. That's my experience, too. As we get more mature in our in our walk with this thing, as our as our spiritual growth begins to deepen and mature, then we begin to see this thing in a light that we never saw before. But but I'm not going to leave it to the new guy to to to flounder in his head, trying to determine what he thinks. It means I'm going to help him understand going in. These are. Listen, let me give you an illustration. There was a guy out. There was a guy in an old home group. His name is Old Tom. And he was a guy that I really wanted to kill and bury out behind the building. He was just like he just he had no program, no nothing, never sponsored anybody, never did anything. But he was there at every discussion meeting, sharing stuff. And in the beginning, it was novel. And then it got really tedious listening to him like this. But in every meeting, he did this. He said, well, you. You know, our program is, you know, we just sort of take what we want and we leave the rest. There are no musts in AA. Now, in those days, I didn't know that there were musts in AA. I didn't know that there were there were pages in there where there were four of them on one page telling us this kind of stuff. But he'd always make this big dramatic thing of taking this piece of paper and wadding it up and throwing it toward the trash can, which he never hit, by the way. And and I just like, you know, you just kind of like, why? Why? It's just like but it's that kind of thing. I think that's that we have a responsibility. As. Sober members of this deal who know and understand the text to help the new guy see and understand what the text means. Somebody has to illuminate it. Somebody has to help him understand it. And most of the time, these guys get it. I'm going to give them a great deal of credit because most of the time they understand what happens is, is that when they don't understand and they start sharing stuff and goofy guy, you're sponsoring. He starts sharing some clowny, weird thing in a meeting like this. What what bothers me is that so many of us allow it to happen. We just look the other way and goes, well, he's young. He'll learn. He'll learn in about three seconds because I'm he and me are going to be out behind the building and I'm going to go slick. What the heck were you talking about in there? You see, because we're talking about life and death. This is how we keep people on the page saving lives instead of letting it trip off into the tooth. Because let me tell you something right now. There was somebody sitting in that meeting that was brand new that was hearing this guy share that goofy crap. And and and this guy doesn't have a clue. You see what I'm saying? This is why we get kind of it. Get always. Get out of personal. This is this is the part of sponsorship that I love the best. Making you squirm is what I love more than anything in the whole wide world. Janine. Yep. What happens if you were giving the example of somebody sharing and, you know, one of your guys sharing in a meeting something goofy. And so you go to teach him. What happens if that happens in a meeting and you're not their sponsor? But but it's like, is it your responsibility as a member to make sure that they understand what they're saying? Or is it not your place or. We are our brother's keeper. I'm not going to let I'm not going to do it right there. I'm not. That's not my job right there. I'm listening. Guys, don't get me wrong. I've never, ever called somebody down in a meeting. Not ever. And I've been in a jillion meetings with a jillion guys saying weird things. I've never done it. But after the meeting, if he's my guy, he's my meat. We're dealing with it. But if he's somebody else's guy, I'm going to call that guy's sponsor real quick. And I'm going to say, listen, let me mention something. This sounded really. I'm going to say, listen, let me mention something. It's really crazy what he said. And I think it gives the wrong impression. Could you talk to him about that? And he will. And if he doesn't, then I'll talk to him. But but this is. But I do it lovingly. I just said, buddy, listen, I just I just I'm not sure if anybody taught you that or if this is just something you made up. But this thing about the cat sacrifice that you mentioned in the meeting, we just it just doesn't sound good. OK, we just got to check the cat sacrifice. All right. And if you don't know who their sponsor is and it's just somebody. I'll ask. I'll. Find out. Yeah. Thank you. Y'all good. OK. We're. Yeah. Yeah. Myers, I want to thank you for coming. And I love what the primary purpose group teaches me sentence by sentence about the big book. But I'm I'm very confused because my experience of a is so different from what I'm hearing here. I probably attended seven or eight thousand meetings over my. Life. And I don't remember ever hearing anybody put down the big book. I keep hearing people say it's the Bible. It's our Bible. The program of AA is found in the first hundred sixty four pages of the big book. We encourage everybody to buy a copy. I hear it read at meetings. I hear quoted at meetings. We work the steps with it. And I don't know. My experience is just so different from what I'm hearing about people putting down the big book to me. I mean, why? I'm at the primary. Purpose group is because my AA meetings and they've been primarily in California. Maybe it's different in Texas, but they've been all over the country and in Mexico. They've taught me to revere the big. Boy, I'm here. I just really want to put that out there that, you know, our first tradition is, you know, our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends on a unity. And I would I would just hope that we would all appreciate what we can learn from each other. You bet. Keep it a positive. Focus. Those are great points. And unity is key. The trick here is as as as sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous, we needed to define where the baseline is of what it is that we're going to get behind to support. This is I'll clarify that geographically. This question comes up all the time. And this is also one of a point of contention, because if you go to some meetings that are healthy, you never see this stuff. But if you travel much or if you go to in Texas. A big thing in Texas. I don't know if it is out here yet, but a big thing in Texas has been for years has been this thing called auditing meetings where guys and it's mostly young buckaroos like this over here who are doing it, who are go they'll go to four or five meetings a week. They never go to the same meeting more than once in within the week. They're not members of a home group. They have no home group affiliation. And they're just kind of moving from group to group to group. Nobody gets to know them, really. It's always fun. They've got friends everywhere that they go. And it's just like a big old cool thing. I'm not knocking it. I'm just saying. There's a darker side to it. There's a there's a darker side that allows things to happen that wouldn't happen if they were a member of a home group or they were staying right there in this home group. But we see a lot of this stuff, especially women. I'm not I'm not jamming any women up. You know how I feel about girls, man. The the the. I'll tell you how whipped I am this morning at 4 a.m. Like this. I'm putting the toilet seat down in my bathroom because I'm raised in a house with three girls, three daughters and my wife like this. And it's so ingrained in me. I'm so whipped. I wouldn't leave a toilet seat up for. A hundred dollar bill. I wouldn't. I just it's going back down. Yeah. OK. Where. Oh, yeah. What happens a lot of times is is especially women who like meetings that are very nurturing, like women's only meetings on a Saturday morning. That's their only experience with a. They're not doing any 12 step work. They're not doing they're not sponsoring anybody. They're not doing they're just go there. It's a social deal. I'm not knocking it, guys. But worldwide, there's lots of it. And they're there. View of what's going on worldwide. They're just nonexistent. They just don't understand how many people are getting their heads handed to them trying to do do the deal. I'm so lockstep with your idea about being unified in a. I think that we sell ourselves a disaster on the horizon if we don't really concentrate on what you were just saying. Everything comes back to being unified in this fellowship. I just I just think what from within we can begin to shore up some of the loose ends that are going on. and get a little healthier around some of that stuff because it's ugly. I mean, when you've got intergroup offices shutting meetings down because they're studying the text, that's too far. Would you all agree with that? I mean, that's just gone too far. When you can't take your text in the meeting, that's too far. That's too much. And so we need to kind of gather it all up and see. Listen, for you guys that have questions that you're not asking right now like that, we're going to do this again at the end of the day, and we're going to talk a little more about some stuff, so you'll have an opportunity to do that. We can stretch a little bit. We'll go eat here in just a minute, okay? Hey, you guys. My name is Myers R., and I'm an alcoholic. It's way too much food to eat at lunchtime, and I just, holy cow. I just, good stuff. A lot of times when I do these things, we just starve to death. And here, I feel like every time I look down, there's food in front. I mean, it's just kind of like, did I thank you guys for the rain this morning? I mean, being from Texas, the, I mean, we never, we're in the middle of the worst drought that we've had since 1955, and it's ugly in parts of Texas. And so when I woke up about 4 a.m. this morning, which I do regardless of where I am, it doesn't make any difference. If I'm on 10 days off, it's still 4 o'clock in the morning. It's the craziest thing. And I walked to the window and looked at it, and it was raining, and I was just going like. Thank you, Jesus. This is good. I just love it, the cool stuff. There's a couple of things I want to talk about before we get into this third-step deal and slide into this fourth-step deal. If you're a member of a group that's doing all the right stuff, rock on. I'm so delighted that you're here. I think sometimes we paint this thing with a brush that's pretty big, and I don't want to step on anybody because there are guys out there, that's obvious. We're here, and we're sober, so somebody's been doing something right. I don't want to get it to a place to where we think, well, everything is screwed up, and if you just do it this way. I think sometimes we come off that way, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that because there are some wonderful groups out there doing some. Did I hear dolphins at dawn? I mean, that's California, man. You ain't going to. I dig it. It's terrific stuff. You ain't going to ever hear that group in Dallas, man. I'm telling you. That's pretty cool stuff. Pretty amazing. One other thing, too, that I want to mention before we get off into the rest of this stuff is that because I'm a guy and I do a bunch of these things, I tend to always couch my talks to guys, and that's not fair to women. It's not. And I've had this same discussion in Australia and in Europe, but there are places where people are much more sensitive about that stuff. And the dead last thing I want to do is be offensive. As the father of three daughters, and I've been married for 30 years, and to a woman that I absolutely adore, and my biggest heroes in AA are not men. My biggest heroes in AA are women who stayed the course in the face of unbelievable goofiness. Now, I don't know. Just stick with me for just a second. In the early days of AA, women were kind of discounted because they couldn't be real drunks. And we proved that was crazy because we ended up with a bunch of real drunks that were women. And then depending on where you were, in some areas, geographically, women were more protected than in others. I can tell you right now, if you were a woman in the Dallas area and you stayed sober, you were a saint because, man, I'm telling you, it was ugly. Groups just never protected women. Now, in our group, if you're a man, and you're hitting on women in our group, we take you out behind the building and shoot you. I mean, we don't tolerate it at all. And as a result of that kind of protectiveness, because, look, guys, at the end of the day, every one of us needs a safe place to come and heal, a safe place to come and be nurtured by this program. And you can't do it if you've got some drooling dude looking at you, checking you out. Okay? So you guys that think that this is a great place to pick up, women, go to freak away. Seriously. Go away. We're not going to sacrifice somebody just so you can be here. And so if you think that's ugly, I apologize. But I'm also, I'm just, in our group, I'm the guy that the girls turn to and go like this, and then I'm the one that goes and talks to him and says, listen, I sense that your motives here are not pure. And if you're a predator, we're going to fix it. You see? If you're not, welcome. And sometimes. You know, you can't kick me out. Oh, I probably can't by myself. Remember, I'm the scrawniest guy in the room. But there's some of us that can show you the door because we're here for not that reason. You see? But I want you to understand that sometimes when I'm talking, I'm talking about guys and cats, and I'm just, I get focused on this kind of stuff. I used to try to every time I engaged and every time I said men, I'd say men and women. Well, the problem is on some of this stuff, I already talk too fast. I already do. I already do. And so sometimes talking about men and women, if I have to do this, it becomes tedious. And so I'm not trying to slight anybody. And I want you to understand that I'm delighted. I watched Primary Purpose Group Dallas go from one woman. We finally got a couple more. But at one point, we went where I remember going to in the early days, birthday night, for three months in a row, and there was never a woman that picked up a chip. Which was just horrible. You remember, in those days, though, my daughters were this big. I never even connected up the idea of what the deal was like. I never understood the tragedy of that deal until later as they began to get older and older, and I began to see them as me incarnate. I mean, they were just me. And I kept going, man, it's just, any time, let's slide the chair out and put her name on it, because here she's going to be like this. And sure enough, that's the way it worked out. But the interesting thing, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. The interesting thing is that on a Tuesday night now, there'll be 230 to 270, depending on the night, people in that room studying the text. And on a given birthday night, there'll be 32 to 35 people picking up chips, and 15 to 18 of them, every time, will be women. The other night, we had a birthday deal like this, and 90% of the people that picked up chips were women. And I'm just kind of like, you see what I'm saying? But that's the reason why. It's like, that's what happens when you nurture and protect. Women in AA. The biggest single question that I got when I originally started traveling, and it hasn't changed any, the biggest single question, I could think of a bunch of things that I think people would ask. The biggest question they ask is, how come there are not more strong women in AA? Now, there may be here. There may be here, depending on where I am geographically. But let me tell you something, guys. I have been in geographic areas in the United States where there was one woman sponsoring every woman in a geographical area. One woman that would step up. And everybody else would just sit back and let her. And I was delighted that she was there. I honor her because she was there. But some of you guys know what it's like to have to carry all that slack. It's tough. And so, as we're talking about this stuff, what I'm hoping is that each one of us individually, men and women, will understand the need to, we're going to talk about this in the last hour at some length, the need to accept a responsibility that is each and every one of ours. There was nowhere in the text that it said, if you're a good 12-stepper, you go do this. And if you're a bad 12-stepper, you go do this. And if you're a bad 12-stepper, you go do this. And if you're a bad 12-stepper, you go do this. If you're a bad 12-stepper, you get a free ride in our fellowship. It never said that. It never said that. One more thing, and I'll get off this deal. There's a girl named Dara that goes to our group that for years would teach me, and the reason I'm mentioning this is because what I'm hoping is is that each individual man in this room will find a strong woman in their group and sashay up next to her and ask her some questions. Tell me what it's like to sponsor a woman. You see? And then let her tell you what it's like. Let her tell you what a woman expects. Let her tell you what a woman's hopes are and what her attitude is. Listen, guys, we think that everybody is exactly the same. A drunk is a drunk is a drunk. Listen, that's true. But I got to tell you, guys, oh my gosh, it's just like, I would tell Dara, I'd say, Dara, this is what I think about you. I think this is going on. And she'd go, you missed it by a mile. Look at this. And then she would just tell me what the lowdown was. And I'd go, holy cow. Do you really think she feels that way? Absolutely. And sure enough, over a period of time, all of this stuff that she was talking about, we'd sit down in these little family get-togethers like this where we'd have a struggling couple in AA that would sit down with their respective sponsors. One of the guys I sponsor and one of the girls she would sponsor, and we'd sit there and we'd talk together like this. And I'm just sitting back there like listening, and she's just like, nailing it. Afterwards, I'd look at her and I'd go, Dara, I never even thought about that stuff. It didn't even occur to me to bring that stuff up. And she's real pointed in this girl's face and saying stuff, and I'm going, where did you get the courage to do that? She knows and she understands, and she's made it her business to understand because she stayed in the rooms for 20-some-odd years doing what we do. So I would encourage you guys, rather than discounting them as them over there and we over here, we are our brother's keepers. We are brothers. We are sisters and sisters in this fellowship, and we will protect each other at all costs, and we'll do what we can to save each other. Dig? Okay. I want to ask if there's anybody in here that thinks like I do. When you were reading the text, there it is. When you were reading the text, and you got over to page 61, 62, and 63, just flip over there, because we're going to stay there for just a minute as we slide into the step four stuff. And J.K. talked about some of this just a minute ago. I just want to make a couple of quick points as we slide into this deal. Listen, up to this point, we've been reading in the book, and they're always talking about what? Alcoholism. They're addressing this thing. And then for some reason, right out of the blue, it's like it doesn't even, I don't understand what it is. It's like as you begin on page 61, or bottom of 61 and 62, there's no mention of alcoholism. It's like Bill just stops completely. Have you ever noticed that? If you're reading it in context, if you're reading from the steps, and you're reading forward this way, what you'll find is that all of a sudden, it just goes away. The conversation about the booze stops. And Bill, listen, I'm thinking what it's like. It was like they wrote the book, and then they get it all done, and they're all patting themselves on the back, and everybody's all hitting. I mean, it's just the coolest thing. And then all of a sudden, somebody in the back goes, hey, Bill, what's this? And Bill goes, oh, crap. Let's just stick it right there. But that's what it reads like, because it's so completely out of place. They start talking about this thing, and they introduce us to this idea of selfishness and self-centeredness, which at this point, I don't have any idea what that's got to do with alcoholism. Alcoholism is about not drinking. What's selfishness got to do with anything? I just want to read a couple little things. At the very bottom of that page, it said the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis, we're almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. How many of you guys can sell yourself the idea that your motive is good on most anything? You see? We're masters at it. We're masters at it like this. But the idea, this is where Bill introduces us to the idea that there may be something else rotten. There may be something else that's going along with this thing. And for a lot of us, it catches us completely off guard, because I'm telling you guys, let me ask, is there anybody in here that didn't think that your life was going to get immediately better once you stopped boozing and doing that other crap? I mean, most of us do. Certainly our families thought that. And then we found out that once we quit, and selfishness and self-centeredness is still running rampant, and we're still manhandling, we're still trying to make things happen, we're still like this. In men, you'll see this mostly in relationship stuff. That's where it's the most obvious. So let me ask you a question. Guys, in your last relationship with a woman, could you be kind and generous? Check. Could you be a mean old turd? Check. You could, right. We could do both on this thing, depending on what we want. You see? And this is where we begin to see this ugliness of this manhandling it like this. Take it, flip it over on the woman's side of the thing like this. In the last man that you dated, in this example, in the last man that you dated, couldn't you see when you were being manipulated? Sometimes you can. Sometimes it's so obvious that it's not. Sometimes it's so obvious that it's not. Sometimes it's so obvious that it's not. It's just like, really? You want me to fall for that? Are you kidding me? It's just crazy. Selfishness and self-centeredness, and then we begin to see. Now, once we begin to see that it's there, it becomes the 600-pound naked guy sitting in the room. You can't, you can't, you want to ignore it. You want to look the other way and not see it, but it ain't happening. You're going to see it. You're going to have to deal with it that it's there. Once you see it, and so this is the reason why they're not there. This is why they spend, and they do a pretty good deal over that, over the two pages. I'm not going to read all that stuff like this. What I will point out on page 62, beginning of the first full paragraph on that page, read the line. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles, period. What? No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, here it is. Canadian whiskey and methamphetamines, that we think is the root of our troubles. Okay? They didn't ask me to write this, but if I, if they had, that's what I would have put down there like this. But it's interesting that they would say that. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our trouble. Guys, this, even if you don't, even if you're not a friend with a dictionary, you begin to sense that this is important stuff. You begin to sense that there is some, some profound meaning here. They wouldn't read it like this and write it like this if they didn't really mean it. And everything in me screams out that it's a lie. Everything in me says, no, no, no. They're selfish. She's selfish. Not me. I'm loving and giving because that's the story I sell myself. Well, the only way to find out if I'm indeed loving and giving is to look at it in inventory. That's the reason that this stuff takes on such a powerful, powerful stance. Look at the bottom of that page. We're going to, we do a third step prayer. I want to point out one thing on that third step prayer. We could talk all day about those two pages like this, but we won't. Most of you guys are in a pasta haze, right? Now, and we'll be in a minute. We're going to be walking around with a big old stick going, poking you to wake you up. The look at the prayer, the way it's written. God, I offer myself to thee to build me and to do with me as I will relieve me of the bondage of self. Underline that, that I may better do that. I will take away my difficulties, blah, blah, blah. I'm going away on the rest of the way down the prayer. But what I'm looking for in there is mention of alcoholism and it doesn't say it. It never mentions it. You see, I mean, doesn't it make sense? That if it's a prayer in the third step and it's about alcoholism, don't you think that they would say, relieve me of the bondage of VO and that other stuff? But he didn't. It didn't. What it said was, relieve me of the bondage of self. Now, look, regardless of how long you've been sober, regardless of how long, when you get up in the morning, most of us, if we're sober here, most of us are not fighting the battle around the boots when we get up in the morning. That's not the first thing on my mind. Oh God, I got to hang on today. It's usually that's not the case. What is the case though, is this idea about self. So here, let me just paint this quick picture and you tell me if this is not true. You left a meeting last night on a Friday night, a spiritual giant. Everything was all groovy and everybody was loving each other and it was just a great thing. You just feel the love and it was super. And so you get home, you go to bed, you watch a couple of reruns of, of, of storage wars. I, I got to tell you guys, it's the only show on TV. I watch it. I, I've never turned a TV on in my house in five years. I don't even know how to turn my TV on, but London knows that I fell in love with that show like that. And, and so when I come home at night like this, she says, I got a surprise for you and I get all excited like this, thinking it's going to be something. And then it is, she never lets me down. She turns on storage wars and I'm going, yes, it's so cool. And I get to go to sleep watching storage work. I love T. If you thought I was lame before, now, you know, I'm lame. Okay. This is okay. It's all right. I don't watch anything else on TV, but I do love that show. So anyway, we'll talk about it later. So, so, so I've gone to sleep watching storage wars and I'm in, I'm in a, I'm in a spiritual high and I go to bed. I get up, I get up in the morning and I get up and I walk across my bedroom and in that length of time from here to here, I'm already, my head click is thinking about something. There's something, something's different. Something's changed. I don't know what it is. It's internal in nature. It had nothing to do with any external stuff because there's no external stuff touched me yet. It's just, you know, and it's what I'm talking about. It's just something a little off kilter. And by the time I get to the bathroom, it's already one more click. And now I'm sitting here thinking about a couple of things. And I got to go upstairs. I'm going to eat. My house is built upside down. And so I'm going to go upstairs and eat. And by the time I'm sitting or eating a bowl of Cheerios, I'm already, already stewing. I'm already, you know, getting rankled. There's a tension in my neck and I'm thinking about some stuff like that. By the time I get in my truck, I'm going, I should have stayed and prayed, but I'm not going to pray because I feel too anxious. And so I get in traffic and then in traffic it's this kind of stuff. And I'm just like, I own the road. That's the reason I drive this great big old Dodge pickup. I just, you see what I'm saying? By the time, it's just getting worse moment by moment and I can't, I can't put my finger on it. It's not like somebody jammed me up or it's not like something happened. It's just like, like spiritually I've been disconnected from God and I'm just out there kind of running amok amongst, amongst everybody and it's just kind of ugly like this. By the time to get to work, I'm just looking at people going, go ahead, say something. You see what I'm saying? And it's just like, you know how ugly that is. You just, you just, this is a, is, is the spiritual malady at its ugliness and it's driven by self, a sense of entitlement, a lack of gratitude, a sense that everything is owed to me. I mean, it's just like it, and it, and it comes in different forms, but guys, I got to tell you, in any form, it's just ugly. It's, it's just crazy. And so, and Bill understood this kind of stuff. He, Bill understood, this is where our debacle starts. It didn't start at the liquor store. It started, right, right there with the old, crazy ideas that I carried in this thing. And so, this is why the prayer is so profound. Relieve me of the bondage of self, which every one of us is going to have to deal with on the thing. Left there, this is the reason why I get so goofy with people who do one, two, three. They read the prayer. They say the prayer. They, they're all groovy. They walk out feeling all spiritually connected and fit, and then they don't do anything except sit in meetings for the next six months talking about their attempt at starting a four-step. You're right. I mean, am I kidding? That's right, isn't it? I'm working on my four-step. Well, I'm working on, six months later, well, I'm working on that old four-step. No, you're not. You're not working on anything. All you're doing is putting off doing the work. Come on. Let's get with this thing. Look at the, look at the, at the text the way it is at the bottom of page 63. Because you guys are much more astute than I am. Look, I'm looking for the gray area. I'm looking for the out here. And so, so far, I haven't found it. Next, we launched out on a course of vigorous action. Bill Wilson's perfectly formed declarative sentence that says what it says. Next, we launched out on a course of vigorous action. The first step of which is a personal house cleaning which many of us have never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, that's that third step we just took, it could have little permanent effect, what? Unless at once, followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Next, and at once, seems to indicate in black and white, next and at once, not later. And I'm baffled. Listen, you can argue with me if you want to. I won't argue with you, but if you want to come talk about it, if you want to come up with a hundred reasons why we ought to wait right there, you're going to have, your argument is not with me and I want to make sure that's clear. Your argument is not with this skinny guy from Texas. Your argument is with the text because the text just told us what to do. Next. Now, listen, let me bring this to your attention because this took me a long time to realize this, guys. Tell me, there are two reasons why a man won't address a fourth step. I see this with women and two all the time. There are two, it makes no difference. It's the same thing and there are two reasons why I'm not going to do a fourth step. Now, one of them is bona fide and that reason is I don't understand how to do it. That's a bona fide reason for not starting. If I don't understand it, I can't do it. The other one that seems to happen a lot is I don't feel like I need to do it and I see that a lot. A lot. People making excuses why they don't do the inventory and they'll come up with a million different reasons for doing this stuff. If you go back and you look at the historical data around our fellowship, now, it's not related in black and white in our text, but if you go back and look at the history stuff, go back and read Clarence Snyder's memoirs or go back and read Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers or some of these guys like that, go back and read some of this stuff and what you'll begin to see, especially in Clarence Snyder's stuff, was this unfailing push towards a more timely attempt to work this work. We weren't talking about jamming people through it, but what we were talking about doing was, I mean, of the first 100, almost every one of them worked it in 30 to 45 days, historically. And all of these guys stayed sober or these guys were working or most of these guys ended up staying sober. And so the question that always comes up with is that if these guys were doing it and staying sober, why do we come up with this idea that it's better to sit and study and play and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk about an inventory instead of just doing it? You see? Guys, let me tell you something. I see more guys relapsing and more folks in our fellowship relapsing on, not because they did an inventory wrong, it's because they didn't do them at all. And so you begin to kind of sense that maybe we ought to, I mean, there's no area in our program where we had more goofy ideas and more opinions inserted into our program than right here in this inventory process because we got so much, I mean, I've got a study guide on my desk at work right now on an inventory deal where the directions on how to do it were 32 pages long. The directions on how to do it. I mean, listen, I don't know about you guys, but when I got here, my head's not exactly, I mean, to this day, I'm two clicks off stupid anyway. I just don't, I'm just not very bright and I can't, the thought of sitting down and following all those instructions, you know, I'd have smoke coming out of both ears, I'd just melt down. Well, you know why so many people start and then don't finish because they don't understand. I'd rather see you go through it, get the big stuff out of the way, get the stuff that's jamming you up, that's been jamming you up for a jillion years and then if we need to come back later, we'll do just that. The, the, listen, the, all right, picture this, this, this scenario. You're at the, you're at a women's shelter, a woman's shelter and you're down there carrying a message and so you're, you're standing there and you've, you've addressed these women that are sitting there like this and while you're talking, one of the girls is looking at you. Now, you know what she's going to do. I mean, she's, she's been eyeballing you the whole meeting and you know she's getting ready to come over and say, would you help me? And, and, which is okay. It's just cool. That's what we signed up for. Remember? Like this, but you, if you're like me, what you're doing is, is going, ah, I mean, there's this conflict inside. Part of you is excited that she wants to ask, that she's asking you, but there's another part of you that's going, oh, I don't, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I just, just go away. I just don't want to do it. I just like, I mean, there's this real big deal and the reason why is that most of us have bought into this idea that the inventory is going to take 10 hours or a whole weekend. That's real big in Dallas. You know, we pile up a bunch of pillows and we stay there the whole weekend. I'm not knocking it. I'm just saying, if you've got that kind of time, rock on, brother. but, but what if you're, that's okay, but what if you're sponsoring 30 guys? What do you do? I mean, 30 guys on a bunch of pillows, I don't even want to think about that. I mean, that's not even, that's not even a mental image I want to go to, but you, I understand what I'm saying. It's just like, but, but we, we, we've bought into this idea. The book says, yes, we're ready for a long story, a long talk. I understand that, but I think somewhere along the line, if you go back and look at the historical data, the, the, a lot of the talking was being done by the sponsor. It wasn't being talked by the other guy. And so, so this idea that we're going to sit there and listen hour after hour after hour to this guy ramble on like this thing, like this, we need to get the way to get this thing down. So let me put this into perspective. Okay. It's like, how many times have you heard this? Okay. The, the, the, you're sitting down with this guy and he goes, well, but here's the next one. Myers, I was, I was, well, I can't remember whether it's Tuesday or Thursday or, well, I guess it was Tuesday and I'm just looking at my watch going, Oh, I'm ready, Lord. Take me now. I know what's coming. I know what's coming like this. And he's going, he's, he's getting hung up in the detail. And what he's doing is he's, he's going, well, see, I had this, I had this dispute with my girlfriend and, and then we, and then that kind of set things up. And then I went and I decided I was going to get something to drink and then I got something to drink and then we had some more words and, and Myers, you know what she said? And then she, and then she heads off in that, that little rabbit trail and I, I understand it, but guys, let me tell you something. That's not what this was about. I, I don't, I don't, that's not what this was about because what happens is, let me tell you the, the truth that I've seen over the years. The more you talk about a particular resentment, the more you try to minimize or maximize the story so I'll agree with you. You see what I'm saying? What you're trying to do in these long, long drawn out inventories is, is justify your bad behavior. It's what it comes down to. And I think our job as sponsors is, is to, to begin to understand that yes, I'm there to listen and yes, I'm there to try to help shepherd you through this thing, but I'm also there to help you see that you can talk until the cows come home, but your bad behavior is still the first thing we're going to talk about and you're going to see it if it hair lips hell. You see what I'm saying? And so the inventories, instead of being long and drawn out and convoluted like this, they sound more like this. The example they give it is a commercial inventory, right? So let's pretend we're in a grocery store. Now, we, we go over and we look and the milk's bad in the freezer. Now listen, the metaphor here, if you're trying to line this up is, is that, is that you want to tell me, well see, what happened was, is that the milk was late, getting there and it was late, getting there. We usually get milk delivery on Thursday and this time it came on, on, on Friday and the coolers weren't working real well and all this kind of stuff. I'm going, don't stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I don't care. The inventory should sound like this, milk, sour, next. I don't care about the other stuff because it's just your lame-o, lame-o. Did you hear lame-o? It's just our lame way of trying to justify all this bad behavior. You see what I'm saying? Look, if you ever want to know who you are authentically, what we got to do is get rid of the stuff that's not you and the only way I know to do that is to go through this inventory and look at these things and let me see if I can help you see where you've been selfish and self-centered and dishonest and, and, and fearful in these things. I can help you see this thing. In the old days, man, they were blowing through these things in 30 days. I know that just shocked some people and I don't care if you want to take six months. If you can keep a guy's or a gal's feet to the fire for six months and get them to do it, rock on. I got no problem with it at all. But, having done it both ways, I mean, I've done inventories long like that for the first seven years I was in this gig and I've done them short and I've carried hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of men. I have no idea how many hundreds of men I've carried through the steps doing it the other way. At one period of time in there, for almost a six year period, I was listening to five fifth steps a week. Five. That's still trying to run a business, raise three daughters and, and do some other things. And I did some other fun stuff that I wanted to do. How do you do it? You quit taking so long with all the stuff that's not important in the inventory and you learn real quick how to get a guy focused back on the thing like this. Half the inventories, I got my hand on this guy's shoulder like this and I said, I'm going to squeeze real hard when you start justifying. You see what I'm saying? And you only have to do it a couple of times and they finally go, okay, milk, milk, milk. I get it. I get it. Like this. And then it goes right. And so, what we thought was going to be an eight hour inventory ends up to be two hours. We're through it. And he's sitting there with a finished inventory standing there in his hand and it's just like, it's just the coolest. You see what I'm saying? I don't know. This is something that takes practice and this is something that you need to see the need to do it. But I got to tell you guys, if you find yourself at the women's shelter or at the Salvation Army or wherever it is you go to carry the message and I'm assuming that every one of you are going to carry the message someplace we'll draw that parallel, that line. I'm assuming that you do and if you do, if you're making excuses in your head why you don't want to sponsor that guy that's eyeballing you across the room then you need to, heads up, you need to address what it is that you're doing that makes this process so egregious that you don't want to do it. Remember guys, there's a deal in here where what we're trying to do is get our head around the idea that, I mean, let me address this to the older guys in this room, the older guys and gals that have been around for a good bit of time. Do you remember a time in your recovery where you looked at things and it all of a sudden connected in your head that you need the women and men you sponsor more than they need you? Listen, if you haven't done it yet you will and I guarantee you it will be the most profound day you've ever had in your whole life because what most of us do is we start getting a little bit arrogant, we start getting a little cocky, look at all these people I'm helping, yeah, just kind of, you know, and it's crazy but it occurred to me one day I was listening to this gal talk at a conference and there was something that she said and it hit me so hard I got up and slipped out of the room and walked outside and just wept against the building. It's just like what the heck am I doing here? Like what is it? Why can't I see? Why have I let this truth be buried? And what it did was it changed everything about how I look at the men that I sponsor. You see? Because I guarantee you I need them more than they need me. I guarantee you and it's something and you'll start looking at them differently and you'll start realizing them for the valuable God's kids that they are instead of some goofy knucklehead which is where I would relegate them about half the time and it's just not very effective. You guys get that stuff. John, why don't you come kind of flesh in some of this stuff if you want to and give your take on this inventory stuff.