Step 7 and the Prayer to Be Relieved of the Bondage of Self – Babe K.

I can, babe, alcoholic. How do you follow Jolie's? Hers was practical. Hers was good. Mine is mostly going to be kind of spiritual woo-wooism. She got to it. How can you not get emotional to see the light come on in somebody's eyes to be a place where you can be a maximum service to God and the kids? And I got here. No words can express the loneliness and despair, the bitter and harassing self-pity, I was desperate. And I jumped into this book, and what does Step 12 say? Having had a spiritual experience, a spiritual awakening, depends on which version, as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message. What message? That you too can have a spiritual appearance as the result of These Steps. Just put the plug in the jug, you know. I'm not the AAE or I haven't sobered 22 years, just hanging in there one day at a time. Just put the plug in the jug and oh my God, read what it says. Some of the most beautiful lives are in, well, oddly enough, it's in working with others. but what it says when we look back we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned follow the dictates of a higher power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world how's that for a promise I just want to quit drinking. I just wanna get back in the big bed. I just won, I just win, I jus' won. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that's the root of my problems. And it tells us over and over and over that this God thing is the cornerstone of everything. This relationship with God. I mean, you can define God any way you want to. But to fully trust and rely on the spirit of the universe it says when we look back that's telling me all through my recovery I should be looking back what was my life like yesterday what was my life you know if you've been around for a week what did I feel like a week ago what does my life look like now and it tells us you know we read how it works if you want what we have i suggest they tell us on page 25 what we have we've had deep effective spiritual experience that revolutionized our whole attitude toward god toward the universe toward all the kids on the playground we found much of heaven we've been rocketed in this fourth dimension of existence my personal favorite the central fact of my life is the absolute certainty that my creator has entered my heart and lives in a way that's indeed miraculous what the heck does that have to do with drinking i suggest when we get to the 10th step promises it has everything because the problem has been removed now we're in the world to play the role god assigns and yeah i like it joely said steps one two three seem pretty easy but think about it god i offer myself to you that means all of me the good and the bad when we hit the step seven i i'm to build this relationship with god earlier it says we see these spiritual giants rise above their problem they call it spiritual liberation i just want to be free i just wanted to live i just george bailey you're getting ready to jump off the bridge god help me live i want to live again that's the best prayer we can do because god put somebody in our life that is our job by the way step 12 to be that person in somebody's life. Hold out your hand. Change their life. Buddy, I've been there. I know what it feels like to be where you are and now my life is beyond my wildest dreams. What does that mean? Does it mean the money, property, prestige, romance? No, not at my age. The joy and I get emotional when I hear that too. Frequent contact with newcomers and each other is the bright spot of my life but if i'm new that didn't sound too friggin appealing you know they said you're gonna have a host of friends that's the good news the bad news is we're them but we are the most sensitive loving wonderful people in the world because we've been through the ringer as bill says it you know we've burned our life to the ground and not just physically but emotionally spiritually mentally totally crushed hopeless and i love it the book says seemingly hopeless state of mind and body i like they put seemingly a little hope on page eight bill says how dark it is before the dawn there's a little glimmer of hope that he was soon to be catapulted in those fourth dimension of existence a life of usefulness and happiness and peace that's indescribably wonderful. I'm going to misquote every single thing I'm saying. Look it up. But that is exactly what we find here. But that's not what we feel like when we get here. And so God, I'm offering myself to you. Build with me and do with me as you will. I've since taken on the prayer of St. Francis as my marching orders. Make me a channel of your peace. Help me bring hope, joy, light, love. It's better to comfort than to be comforted to understand that's the big thing in sponsorship to understand this other poor soul the best thing we can say in aa is yep me too and we could take their hand and say i felt that way myself and it is better to love than to be loved that's when it takes a little getting used to I just want to be loved but it isn't giving love that we receive the love it's doing everything that Jolie said that we do that we come to know what real love is and then we get to so we're doing that take away my difficulties well first relieve me of the bondage of self well I like that because two paragraphs before that they say we must be rid of this selfishness or it kills us so I guess I want to be out of the bandage of south But am I really, when I'm thinking about, you know, step three says we thought well before taking this step. What does that actually mean to you? To be relieved of the bondage of self? Do I want to keep the job going? You know, if you're young, you still have careers, you have, I don't know, all the stuff that young people have. The whirly clamors dragged Bill down every time until he finally got the idea. And then, take away my difficulties. Oh, like I was telling you, I was sick as a dog the last couple days. That's a physical difficulty, but that is to take away my difficulties? Why? I suggest the difficulties we're asking to have taken away are having trouble with personal relationships, prey to misery and depression, feeling of uselessness, can't make a living. I suggest those are the difficulties that we're asking God to take away in the third step prayer, those bedevilments. Make me an instrument of peace. And then it does say, may I do your will always? Well, I don't know about that. How can I possibly do that? well let's look at why you can't all those resentments all those fears especially those fears i can't possibly you mean i'm gonna be a saint no we are not saints but when i put your welfare before my own and it tells us that how many times our very lives as ex-problem drinkers rely on our constant thought of others and helping them this altruistic way of life and you people come in and say this is a selfish program to learn how to be altruist i'm not doing this it even warns me if i think i'm doing good deeds and there's selfish motives i'm defeating the whole purpose am i really humble enough to put my hand in god's hands what i just read when we follow the dictates of higher power Those, what people call the third step promises, don't come true until 10, 11, or 12. But remarkable things happen. We find we are reborn. We have a whole new attitude and outlook on life. A change of heart, it says in the To the Employer story, not my favorite, but I like that. A whole change of heart to actually try to live in conscious contact with the creator of the universe all the time. Huh? Oh, I'll do a little touch step at the end of the day. But what am I asked to do? And step five and step four, the relationships. Asking prayer and meditation to form a sane and sound ideal. How can I best serve my fellows? What should I have done instead? Relieve me of this bondage of self that I burned my life down. Then step six, we aim toward the perfection which is of God. Love that, the step that separates the men from the boys. I can comprehend absolute love. I could comprehend absolute purity. I can comprehensive absolute humility knowing I will never get there and it's not progress, not perfection it's progress toward perfection i'm supposed to fit fit i don't talk funny too but to contemplate what does it mean to be perfectly loving what does it mean the long form of the 12th tradition anonymities of immense spiritual significance or reminds us to place principles before personalities principles are the steps by the way this to the end that our great blessing it says to practice a genuine humility this to the end of our great blessings may never spoil us that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of him who presides over us all that's a age 12 tradition that becomes our tradition to live in thankful contemplation of him who presides over us all to enter that richard roars says our god consciousness is the ability to rise above our current situation and turn into chuck chamberlain says see the world through god's eyes we get to sit on high and play the harp and get fitted for wings no that ain't what we get we getto rise above the worldly clamors and can look down and learn how to best serve god and my fellows and it says i've got to do this all the time dang one order i can't go through with that and at the beginning and this doesn't really make a lot of sense but they tell us over and over and in this book that it is this loving god that's going to take his our cold little hand warm it up and put it in somebody else's that's life in Alcoholics Anonymous if that's not what you want that's not what you're going to get but do I really want to live this altruistic life do I really want to and to get better we realize we know only a little you know I've only been doing this for 22 years and I'm still a rookie every single day I wake up saying good morning God here I am surprise me that's my little set aside prayer Here I am, God, coming to you with empty hands. Show me new miracles, new joys, new adventures. Page 110 into 12 and 12, by the way. This whole life is new mysteries, newjoys, new adventures, doesn't have anything to do with drinking or the lack thereof. As when have I decided that I'm no longer running the show? How am I playing God? Do I get all twisted up over politics? My favorite one is the little old guy in the grocery store with 10 items in the eight-item checkout. And I'm the little gimpy old guy. And, you know, some people huff and puff. Some people are more spiritual. Well, gee, the old guy, I'll cut him a break because he's got a couple too many things. The spiritual answer is quit counting. It's none of my business how many items you have in the checkout. I don't get to judge. Because when I judge, then I start condemning and then I start playing God and things don't go very well. That's why we need step 10. When these crop up, they're going to crop up and I will feel these things as rigorously as I practice step 10 Do I pray? Take this away from me. Do I talk to someone? Do I make amends? And then do I turn my thoughts to someone i can help always back to step 10 12 the service turn my thoughts to somebody i can't help it is no longer about me i just float you know and that's why i get to do this going through life like a loose garment we here in here and i do you know the young girl that came up to me years ago babe you're just so damn happy i want to punch you and i didn't know how to respond you know what are you doing when you're boxing somebody's got punchy you clinch so i gave her a hug you know whatever you say i'll have a crappy day if it'll make you feel better to live this the this god-centered life and it sounds so spiritual and sounds so sort of religious but practically my wife most of you know the story of my wife when she was diagnosed with cancer. And for 15 months, I sat here. One night she spent in the hospital when the cancer got into her spine and she got kyphoplasty. They basically squirt some epoxy into her spine. But to watch the love of my life waste away and die day in and day out for 15 months, never asked for a prognosis. Dr. Hare, the radiation doctor came out just crying, babe katie i just hate to tell people like you this but there's nothing else we can do that was pretty clear by then you know i had to pick her up and put her on the pot i would set her on my shoulder and help her up the stairs till she spun out and peed on my head so i sacrificed the couch but every single day i started my day the way i always do morning god here i am surprise me five minutes babe please cool and i would wake up and say morning sunshine got a smile for me and i'll tell you every single day including the day she died right here where i'm sitting we laughed we loved and in meditation god took me into his world my god consciousness and god hit me with a brick he said babe in my world somebody's saying this is the best day of my life. I fell in love. We're having a baby, and from that moment to this very moment today, I realized I never have the luxury of having bad days. How many people have used to having a bad day? I do not have bad days, I have selfish days, and we have a 12-step program that relieves us of the selfishness, and I get to carry love and joy in all my affairs. Out there in the grocery store, out there inthe post office, smile, bring hope, joy, light, love to every one of God's kids. That's what this means to practice these principles in all our affairs. Get off your butt and help someone. And the greatest joy is exactly what Jolie read when we actually get to work with someone and see this miracle happen in their life that we know we only had a little part and we were just there to hold their hand but god did for them what they could not do for themselves and i love that idea that god is there no matter what that i will trust and rely on this god and be happy about it and read the last couple pages of the 12 and 12 it tells us what we don't do. It's not about money, it's not about property, it' s not about prestige, it''s not about being the number one man, it ''s not about being t he smartest guy in the room. It''s being the most compassionate, loving, comforting guy. And I'll end with this little story of a Franciscan priest friend of mine, not even an alcoholic, but he and I got along quite nicely. Well, he wrote a book The Franciscano Lectio, How Francis and St. Clair Read the World. it's gaze upon the world meditate upon the world, contemplate on the world and then take action sounds like AA doesn't it but I hadn't seen Father Dan he just passed away a couple months ago I hadn'T seen him about 14 years and I was buying his book signing and I WAS going to rag him yeah you guys vow of poverty and you're charging 30 bucks for a crummy book but instead i'm thinking holy cow he got old and i'm think of all he probably thinks that about me but what he said was the most humbling beautiful thing anybody ever said to me he looked up with his little twinkly irish eyes and he goes babe god's light is shining in you isn't that having a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps be God's light. Live the prayer of St. Francis. Don't just pray it like it's a magic formula. Get out there and carry this. Touch someone's heart. Touch someone's hopes. Touch someone's hand. Give them a hug when they think you're too happy. And most of all, have a good time. We are not meant to be glum. Why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered and been given the ability to help somebody else. And that is, to me, what Step 12 is all about. And I'll shut up before you tell me to.