Step 4 and the Resentment List in Column 2 – Bob D.

You guys don't look like drunks, I'll tell you. Welcome. Welcome to this weekend of kindred mental illness. We should have a good weekend. We've got some great panels, some great speakers. I want to do a little housekeeping and explain basically what's going to go on this weekend. And as I call your name out and you're on a panel, raise your hand so the panel leader can see who's on their panel and kind of get a sense of what's going on. We're done tonight. This is the last only thing we're going to do tonight. This may take up to an hour, maybe not. Tomorrow morning we have breakfast in this room from 730 to 830. The breakfasts have been, the last few years, really good. If you have a cholesterol deficiency, they're wonderful. It's a pretty good breakfast. We're going to have the first session tomorrow morning at 9 a.m., Session 1. And it will be chaired by David from Connecticut. Where's David? Oh, over there. David Diaz from Connecticut. And he's the chair of the first panel, and it's on freedom through transparency versus compartmentalizing your life. I know some of you want to go home now. Who thinks up this crap? Oh, I do. On that panel, and each panelist will speak for 15 to maybe 20 minutes, depending on how long this chairman talks. Joe A. from Mammoth Lake. Joe, raise your hand. Joe, over here. Right over here, okay? So David, you see Joe, okay. Mike Powers from Minneapolis. Where's Mike? Mike! He was outside compartmentalizing. Mike, yeah. Okay, so no, I'm not going to say anything more about his fifth step. Okay. Don G. back there from Las Vegas. Okay. And another one, last but not least, Chris H. from Charleston. Chris, where are you? Way in the back. Good. Okay. So the subject is freedom through transparency versus compartmentalizing your life. I can't wait to hear what that's going to be like. That's going to be good. And that's from 9 to 10.30, and then at 11 to 12.30 it's – I was explaining this. Okay, I'm going to tell you. Dan Fowler from Tucson is going to chair the second panel. Where's Dan? Right there? Okay. The panelists are Aaron Swart from Seattle. Where's Aaron? Aaron? Okay. Jim S. from Milwaukee Jim way in the back Leslie Brown from Las Vegas and Nick O from Las Vegas ah ok we might change that ok anyway oh and I didn't read the topic yet and the reason I mentioned it to one of the guys he misinterpreted The topic is sex, relationships, and the 12 traditions. I told it to one guy, and he said, the 12 positions? No, 12 traditions, so no need to go to a porno store and look for the book. I mean, it's sex, relationships, and the twelve traditions. That should be a spectacular panel. Then we have a lunch break from 1230 to 230, and uh there's there's only there's really only two in-house restaurants right now they did what did away with the mexican restaurant so there's the pub which has fairly good bar barish food and then maryland's cafe which i prefer but then right across the street there's a whole plethora of like everything from morton's to i mean all kinds of restaurants but they're more timely And if you're going to go over there, you've got to keep that in mind. You only got a two-hour window and you've got time getting there, time getting back. So keep that mind. Then we come back at 2.30. And the third session is at 2 30 to 4. And it's gossip, character and group unity assassination. The chairman is Zach R. from Las Vegas. the panelists are craig c from las vegas chris b from philadelphia maureen h from paramount where's maureens you are you here you were here earlier okay all right and not last but not least john banning from las vegas i i pick i pick uh people to be on panels that have really kind of risen above all this session four session four uh is from 4 30 to 6 o'clock till dinner break and that's spiritual Principles in Work and Business and that will be chaired by Bill S where's Bill? Bill, right here and the speakers are Ray S from Charleston where's Ray? Way in the back Mark L from Milwaukee way in the back Henry M from Miami Henry and Dawson H from las vegas and that takes us to a dinner break we have a two hour uh dinner break from six to eight so be mindful if you want if you go across the street just you can do it just just be mindful and and try to get back here by uh the night meeting and the night meaning is a speaker meeting and with a tremendous speaker paul mckew and he's that meeting will be chaired by Liesl W okay uh and that's it for that night uh there'll be people doing all kinds of stuff social stuff after that I'm sure as we usually do in fellowship the next morning Sunday morning from there's breakfast again from 7 30 to 8 30 and it's all in this room they'll be they'll set up buffet styles in the back as they always do uh we have but a first session from 9 to 10.30, and it's singleness of purpose. Do you believe a person with similar problems to alcoholism but can drink effectively with a lack of allergy should they be an AA member? And the chairperson is Dave Higgins from Rockville, Maryland. Where's Dave? Dave? and the panelists are Rick Hader from Portland, Oregon Rick, you here? Rick there, okay Chris Bechtel from Redding well, near there, I don't remember the name of the town Chris Bechdel, you hear? There he is over there Sheldon Fetty from Las Vegas and Jeff C., Jeff Campbell from Wisconsin, Columbus, Wisconsin. And then the last session, and that goes from 9 to 10.30. The last session is 11 to 12.30, and that is chaired by Hero. Are you here, Hero? Yeah. And it's going to be the two speakers doing Q&A. So you have all weekend to think of stuff to drive them crazy. Okay? And I have faith in you. so that's the schedule there's copies of that up here I hope you guys have as much fun with these panels as I had making them up there's flyers up here for a bunch of stuff Henry and a bunch of guys from the Brickle Circle group have put together a cruise if anyone's interested it's It's October 28, 2018, and it's out of Miami, and Clancy has 60 years during that time period, and I have 40 on the same day. We're going to have a cruise, and we're giving everyone here a chance. If you're interested, you don't have to put any money down. We don't handle money or nothing. and it's all right through the cruise line, and they'll cut off at 8 because that's as many people as the showroom will hold for the meetings. We've already had a half-dozen people who are pretty well-known speakers in AA just already sign up that they want to go, and it should be a remarkable, fun time. And it's only four. I don't know the exact full amount with the tax, but it's $434 for seven days, and the great food with the taxes and everything I'm going to imagine it's $5.50 maybe, something like that I'm giving a guess and there's some of their when that breaks at the Pacific group and the Atlantic group it'll be sold out after that because once that breaks it'll been done 800 people will be eaten up pretty quick we have Rusty here again from Smile God Loves You Tapes out of Arizona and he is going to be recording all the sessions and you can get a session you can Get The Whole Set for it costs a little more if you get it minus this talk tonight but he can do that for you Rusty goes out of his way comes up here at his own expense to do this he's not getting rich coming up here believe me he does it as labor of love uh monday night we have uh our speaker meeting and we got two really great speakers those how many people from out of town who don't have transportation are staying over to go to the monday evening that don't haven't okay keep your hands up for a couple minutes would you kind of if you have a transportation and you would be willing to help one of these guys get up there please look at them and uh and then just ignore them for no i mean you look at it look at him and kind of reach out to him and uh offer offer to offer them rides and we'll do that again we'll do that until there's no more hands up over the weekend okay uh i'm i'm you know as you guys started to come into town some of you came in monday and you've been coming in all week and I'm delighted that you're here you are a piece of my life most of you and some of you guys you'll never know how you've pulled my head out of my butt at times when I've been wrapped up in me but that's what we do here I remember after seven years of relapsing I asked this man to be my sponsor and little did i know that he was an he was a top tier doer at that time an alcohol exonymous the reason i met him is he brought meetings into the detox into the twice a week uh and he was brought his sponsees with him and he Was bought of he was part of a group that dominated the service structure in nevada if you went to the area assemblies most of the air all the area officers from the southern part of the state were all from members of that group most of the past delegates had come from that group my first sponsor was a past delegate he was one of the founders of the las vegas roundup the samaritan house he was the founder of the los vegas retreat that used to be out in lake mead um he was on the board of the thai club which was at one time our only meeting hall here in town and uh he was a doer and he was very very involved and i didn't know he was a doer i didn't even know what that meant except that i needed his help and i just started doing everything he did and suggested for me to do and he got me real involved in service right away i became a secretary of this my home group floating big book group and i was a secretary before that when i was three months sober of another group and I asked my sponsor they said I'm not six months and they elected me should I do it and he said yeah you just do whatever Alcoholics Anonymous asks me, asks of you. And I heard that from day one. You just, if you can do it you say yes. That was the ethic that he presented to me. That you don't put yourself first here. You put AA before you. Or as it says in the prayer of St. Francis the actions of a self-forgetting person. And so I got brought into AlcoholicsAnonymous by people who who at that time were just on fire with aa and they were very involved in i ended up being a gsr for my home group uh at a little over a year sober i wasn't supposed to be but they had they elected me the co-gsr you had to be two years for gsrr co-gsr and the gsR got drunk so i was a gSR with just a littleover a year of sober and i went to my first area assembly up in tonopah and i heard a trustee they had speaking Saturday night and he said something it stuck with me because I'm there and there must have been 10 or 12 members of my home group. The people that I go to meetings with that I just turn to, that I'm in the middle of are all at that assembly because they're all involved in every level of Alcoholics Anonymous. They have no prejudices they don't think I'll do this but I don't want to do it. They just do it They're doers. And I'm sitting there with all of them, and this trustee, he said something I'd never heard before, and people make up statistics. I don't know if these statistics are accurate, but from my experience over the last 38 1⁄2 years, they're ballpark, and they're close. He said that he believed that 95% of all the service in Alcoholics Anonymous and 12-step work was done by 5% of the fellowship. And then he said, that 5%, as long as they remain a 5% center, they almost never, ever drink again. And over the years, over the last 38 and a half years, I've seen how true that is. And yet I've seeing people who I thought were a 5 percenter for 10 years and then they make a shift and helping God's kids is not the most important thing anymore their primary purpose their real purpose becomes themselves and it's not an overnight thing boy do I get that, you know the clamoring inside for self-gratification, self-grandizement self-seeking, all that stuff, it's in me it's hardwired in me, I get it and they start indulging that And they start making the shift, and we see so many of them go out again. I remember Frank – Craig's not here. Frank M., some of you guys remember Frank M. He was – at one time he was a doer. He started the Young People's Roundup, chairman of Intergroup. He was a – I think he was somewhat of a five-percenter for quite a while. And at 23 1⁄2 years of sobriety, he blew his brains out. And Frank had everything – oh, my God, everybody looked up. Everybody wanted his life. He had the custom Corvette and the custom Harley and the model, ex-model wife and everything. But his primary purpose as it happens became him and his gratification and his money and his everything, right? And so when I saw the people I was with, I got hope. I was scared. You relapse for seven years and in that seven years there are times when you're really truly swearing to yourself and you mean it you're never going to touch any of that again and you always go back to it I needed hope here I needed help and I'll do anything I'll do whatever you want me to do but I need to know it works I need to know that Alcoholics Anonymous is not just another flash in the pan like all the things that I've known in my life and I've got I've gotten you know different things like everything i did everything from primal screaming to everything you could think of and you know you get those things where you you do something and it changes your life for two weeks right and and i if alcoholics anonymous is that i'm screwed because i don't got another recovery on my last drunk i try to take my own life and i i know what's waits for me and so i when i heard that guy say that i looked around at the people uh i got some hope many years ago i was at a conference uh and i'll never forget i was sitting at this at this table and it was cliff roach sandy beach tom ivester clancy um who else there was there was somebody else there might have been sharon no maybe i don't remember but we were sitting around and i was i was like the new kid on the block and somebody posed the question out at the table do you know anyone who has bought the whole package of alcohol it's anonymous remained sponsorable with sponsor sponsor relationship sponsored people had active commitments a home group maintained a relationship with god tried to clean house didn't have a didn't have a separate secret life do you know anyone that lived that this program to its entirety that ever drank again and no one at the table could come up with anybody we all could come up with people who had done it for a number of years and then backed away and then drank again and i i thought good good as long as i keep doing this maybe maybe i got hope because i know i don't have another relapse in me and so maybe there's hope for even a guy like me even a seven-year failure there's help for a guy here and and i need hope and over the years i've uh i started you know i got pushed into into 12-step work brand new i mean brand new and there's people today they'll tell you oh you should wait a year i'd have been dead because i'm a depressive i'm like bill wilson if i'm not doing something for you i'm obsessively wondering and thinking about me you know that's just that's my maybe not everybody's like that but you can't leave you know you better not leave me alone just to ponder my life for any length of time i am not good at that so i had to get active and they pushed me into 12-step work right away uh they had me taking meetings back in the detox etc etc all kinds of service positions uh signed up for the penitentiary out of gene reality house all that stuff i was doing i was doing it taking me back in the samaritan house that i'd been in and and i was on fire and which is odd you know the if the spiritual condition is good the material position is meaningless and you know in those days i had no money i mean really i i was over five years sober before i had a job that paid five bucks an hour truly i had nothing materially i had I had a car that one of the headlights was out. It had two headlights on each side, and one of them was out, and I couldn't afford a new headlight, so I would put the high beams on and put aluminum foil over the side with two headlights so nobody would know I had the high beam on, but it still blinds you. I had windows that were broken in different power windows in different positions. The liner was hanging down. You had to keep pushing up to look in the rearview mirror, and the air conditioning was broke, which if you want to learn patience and tolerance, drive a car around Las Vegas without air conditioning in August in heavy traffic. I mean that's a – and I had really truly nothing but I felt really good. My car was usually full of guys. I had all these commitments. I was just running from one opportunity to be useful to another. And I started sponsoring guys, of course. Sponsoring people is just, you don't even have to be good at it. You just have to show up and make yourself available. And eventually, would you share that with all of us? Okay. So I started sponsored guys, and I made a lot of mistakes. And what something cooks out after years of mistakes and years of things stumbling upon the right thing is that if I can keep nudging guys to do more AA, it doesn't mean they have to do it. But I'm always a voice of work with more newcomers. Try to be a better example of Alcoholics Anonymous. Make your amends. clean house I get guys sober 20 years that have been through the steps several times and when we start to go through we find the holes and one of the holes I've found in so many people is this was our course that part of the fourth step where we change our mind we change our whole perception about life and you get to reduce your ego and notch it down by seeing how wrong you'd been about your mother, how wrong he'd been about your father, how wrong it'd been about your sister, how wrong had been about your bosses and your exes. As you look at them from an entirely different angle and you put yourself in their shoes and almost imagine that this person you hate and wanted to kill that the wheels came off their life and they ended up in a 12-step program and they were writing their first genuine inventory and they put your name on the resentment list what would they put in column 2 what did it look like to them what did your relation we know how it looks to you sometimes you do that with guys and you see the lights come on and you say it's a different experience and it's to grow in understanding and effectiveness and I keep nudging guys there's an ethic that was given to me I try to transmit it to the guys I sponsor a consciousness that if you're defending yourself if you are explaining something justifying something, rationalizing something you are wrong because you never have to explain defend, justify or rationalize what is right I got that from a guy 30 some years ago and I will tell you I have never found an exception to that Now, sometimes I like the justification. But that don't mean I ain't wrong. Right? Because I've never had to justify, well, I'm going to take a couple hours and go help this guy. The head doesn't come on with the reasons why I shouldn't do that. It doesn't have to. Or the reasons Why I have to defend that. But if it involves self, I got to defend myself. self is the most defended mechanism in the universe in me and so i've tried to put that ethic out to people and and just just think about it um i had uh i try to keep nudging guys some people don't take it well i mean i get that but it's i i um i heard my sponsor tell a story years ago and it's me and I think it's a lot of us as I tried to tell Dick Tucson one time I had problems with people I said just sensitive aren't sensitive people sensitive to other people's feelings you're only wrapped up in your own we call that selfish and self centered and that's true to try to get a consciousness of, what am I doing here? What am I doing here. What do I represent? Do my actions encourage others to turn into the solution or do they encourage others to turn away? And it's not what I say. I mean I can say all kinds of stuff. It's what I do. what do my actions speak to people because you know when i'm when i think i remember rusty not this rusty a different rusty when he was when i was about three years sober he was one of the old old timers in a here and i was he was in the hospital and he was dying uh it was one he had chemotherapy and the chemo knocked out the cancer but the chemо was killing him he was dying and he was in the hospital he wasn't going to come out and he said uh he said to me he said you gotta you want to be a good example to people because if you're not it it bugs you when you get on that when you gets here and i to be an encouragement to people and i sometimes it drives guys i sponsor crazy because i'm always the voice of pushing you into the answer and clancy told a story he said he was it he was brand new sober and he was sitting in the second row behind his sponsor and there was a speaker who he didn't particularly care for and this in him he's there's a guy next to him who he doesn't think cares for this guy but he doesn'T Clancy needs to enlighten him about other levels why you shouldn't like this guy you know I mean you know how right and his sponsor he said, and my sponsor turned around and screamed at me you shut up if we want to hear from you we'll stick our heads in the abandoned car behind the club that you live in and he was devastated he thought, oh my, he was devastated, and then he said later I looked back and all he actually did was turn around and go shhh yeah yeah i get that i i used to get that in my first couple years of sobriety i get together with my mother and my mother was a wonderful woman and by the end of her time in vegas i just i'd want her to die because here's what's happening my mother loves me and she's saying things to me like oh rob you you're so smart you could have been a doctor you should think Think about going to school. I don't hear that. I hear, you loser. You worthless loser. I hear her trying to tell me what to do. And she's not trying to tell me wat to do, she's loving me the way a mother loves a son. But I am self obsessively self-sensitive. And I don' t take criticism well. and so i had to start changing my mind about my mother and looking at it from her point of view and that's the great thing we do here we get to change our minds there's a a word that they use in a lot of churches i never liked it much until i got an a and realized what the word meant and the words repent and it comes from the latin to rethink pense think to rethink and i think we do that a lot we change our mind we realize how wrong we are and we grow from being wrong nobody grows from being right here if we did there'd be something in the book somewhere it said and when we were right promptly admitted it doesn't say that and in this in this room there are some spectacular doers in a there are guys who uh well that have big busy full lives with families and kids and businesses and they really they try to fill every empty space in their life with helping god's kids and i don't think it's about quantity it's about approach there's guys that are retired they have nothing going on they could go to they could do a panel every day and they do the minimum then there are other guys that have such big lives and they maybe only go to four meetings a week but they fit in everything they can because it's it's about approach I think most of the I think very few very few of the guys I sponsor will stay with me if they insist on being a self-serving minimalist. And a minimalist is a guy like, like me by nature who wants to do the absolute minimum here because I don't really want to be inconvenienced. And if you're a minimalist and I sponsor, you're probably going to quit me because I'm just going to keep nudging you. Not, not harshly, but I'm just going to keep nudging saying well you know instead of going to one or two meetings a week why don't you go to four yeah why don'T you take commitment somewhere you know what did you finish that fourth step yet how are you doing with those amends because that's i think that's my job that's what people in alcoholics anonymous did for me they weren't harsh about it even though sometimes it felt a little harsh but they were truthfully really they were very kind about it they just lovingly but but firmly just kept nudging me into the solution because that's all we got here and i i think it's a better and more loving thing to nudge someone towards the light than to facilitate their withdrawing into the dark i don't i because you don't need help to work it i don' t none of us need help and nudging and accountability to be self-serving i mean to the manner we were born but i will always need help pushing away from myself and into this way of life i got a great sponsor i just i talked to him yesterday and he's i'll tell you for an old guy i don't know how he can be he'll be 90 years old in a couple weeks i don'T KNOW HOW HE CAN BE THAT SHARP JUST RIGHT TO THE POINT RIGHT TO THE CRUX OF THE MATTER I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW He DOES THAT AND HE GOT HE JUST HE WAS WE LAUGH IN THE PHONE AND HE GETS A LITTLE SOMETIMES BUT I LIKE THAT I NEED THAT BECAUSE IF I DONT HAVE somebody doing that to me and nudging me back to, you know, questioning me. And the ego hates to be questioned. I know mine does. You know, don't question me. Right? But he questions me a lot. And I need that. Because I'm just so selfish by nature. And so there's guys in this room that sponsor i don't sponsor members of alcohol exonymous it seems like i've ended up sponsoring sponsors because if you don't if you're not stepping up and doing service and you don'T have to sponsor a lot of guys maybe only sponsor one person or maybe you just show up and make yourself available for a while and maybe maybe nobody you DON'T sponsor anybody for a little while but you show up AND ALL THE PEOPLE I SPONSOR DO THAT THEY AND THEY JUST DO IT AND IF USUALLY if they don't, aren't willing to do that they go somewhere else because I don't as a friend of mine used to say I'm a one trick pony trust God clean house, help others make Alcoholics Anonymous important to you, act like it have a home group have commitments, have service have God clean house stop trying to be right it's all the stuff we do here I'm a one-trick pony. I don't know anything else. Alcoholics Anonymous has served me very well over the years. It's amazing how happy and free I feel 99% of the time. See, it was a week or two ago I had like a little moment. And I get little moments, but they don't last very long. And it's usually because of self-centered fear. And I'm back running the show again in my head. But you guys have taught me to surrender, to give up. There's nothing, as Frank Jones used to say, is this the hill you're willing to die on? No. It's not even a hill really, it's a pebble. But it looked like, if you stare at it, it looks like a hill. Is this the hill you're, just to give up? To back off? To go, okay. Alright. Fine. Back off. There was a time in my sobriety when I would grab hold of something and I wanted to be right about it, and yet I wanted the bragging rights and the reputation of a surrendered guy. I tell you, that's an art form. to try to do that and just hang on and just be passive-aggressive trying to get your own way. That's a painful, painful way to go because you're not free. So there's nothing more important here than my spiritual condition, really and truly. It took me a couple decades here to realize that. I mean, you know, in my early sobriety, i was willing to throw away my peace of mind and my spiritual condition on on nothing on little not on a girl on on a business deal on a resentment on be on this need to be right on what you're doing wrong i could i would throw my spiritual condition because when you're in charge you don't let go of nothing and over the years I'll tell you that's it became just pain it's painful it's and there's a there's an there's a window between grabbing on to something and letting go of something and the longer the period of time is between those two points is the is the measure of my suffering just like when you have to make an amends and you know you have to make an amends and the book I know the book says promptly but i think i can get away with a couple months here and from the point of of the action that needs amended to the actual amends is the measure of my suffering i suffer in there can't sleep did you ever if you and i know i'm not the only one in this room that has had this experience of something you need to let go of or something you need to amend and so you go to sleep at night and you lay there and you have conversations with yourself it's like a rotisserie right and it's in my ego does my ego is fine if I never sleep again as long as there's hope that it will be right it's it's fine with it it's fine. That's fine with my ego. It's fine. But I'm the guy who suffers. No one else does. There's a guy, Ski, I don't know if Ski's still alive. Tom, is Ski still alive? San Diego? He did. I thought I heard that. He was a wonderful member of Alcoholics and Ims. Wonderful guy. And Ski used to say that he thought it was horrible that when I hate you, you don't feel it. I mean you should, shouldn't you? But I'm the only one that suffers. And there's an old adage in Alcoholics Anonymous I heard this years ago I thought that's so good that we're not punished for our sins we're punished by them. I'm the guy who suffers and that's why I encourage guys to do this 11th step and realign themselves all the time with with god's will what is god's will for you we know what your will what does god's will what do you think god wants here what would be the road as it says in the fear inventory when we're afraid we ask god to remove the fear and turn our attention to what he would have us be what does that guy look like what does the guy god wants me to be look like what would what would i look like how would i represent myself if i really meant the decision in step three if i really wanted to be a surrendered servant what would i look like how would i act in this situation and then try to be that guy and i can't usually without god's help sometimes i have to pray my way in into those actions because there's an obstinance obstinaceous obstinacy see that's a word in there somewhere i know it and a tenaciousness about my ego. But the actions of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I persist, I can get right with just about anything. We're going to have a barbecue Sunday afternoon up at my house, 4 o'clock. We got 20 pounds of Wagyu, which is, yeah, if you know what Wagyu is, that's over the top and a pork roast and a whole bunch of good food we're going to tell a lot of lies and we're gonna laugh a lot and uh i don't know we may have a meeting we may not i don' t know it'll be ever what the sense of the people that are there i suppose but we will laugh a lot we laugh a lof here don't we isn't that amazing i don''t know about you but when i got sober i was a depressive and there was nothing funny everything was serious and seriousness is is my personal primary symptom of the bondage of self because it's all right here i laugh a lot i loved what scott redmond said at the this retreat the last one we had at my house he said that when when he died he wanted to ask god he thought god was going to ask him one question the question was scott did you get the joke because it's us when i am not emotionally involved in my life this is funny you're funny I mean, I sponsor some guys that are Zach is hilarious he doesn't know he's hilarious John Banning is hilarious when I'm not emotionally involved and I'm nicht trying to run the show I'm stupid funny some of the things I think left unchecked oh my god as Sandy told me one time he said that this is a wonderful show to observe. It's a terrible show to direct. And what if I can just come here and learn to let go enough to enjoy the show and get the joke? There's a lot of laughter here and there's a Lot of Freedom here. I don't have to run nothing. I just have to help. And I've watched all this last couple days. If anything, I've been overwhelmed with guys that want to help. And I run out of things to make up. I mean, it's like, because we have, there's a lot of doers here. How many people in this room sponsor people? Well, you guys are awfully serious about AA, aren't you? Jesus. that's why so many of you laugh and you seem to be free anyway I think that's about enough out of me for the weekend I am going to get out of this monkey suit and I'm going to put on a Hawaiian shirt and lay back and enjoy this weekend and I am going to enjoy the speakers and I will enjoy what goes on here and I hope you do too thanks for listening Thank you.