Step 3 – Sponsorship and 12 Step Workshop – Part 1 of 7 – 2011 – Audrey C.

All right. Well, we laid out step one, we layed out step two, and now we're moving on to step three. And how do we convey this? And step three says we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Probably one of the most confused steps throughout all our fellowships. Not only Alcoholics Anonymous, but just about everyone who borrowed this 12-step program it seems we get astray on what this step is really all about and we think we're actually doing something in step 3 you know but if you flip the page and go to page 60 you know right in the middle of the page it says our description to the alcoholic the chapter to the agnostics our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas A, that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. Very confusing again. For years I thought the unmanageability was all of the stuff that happened to me as a result of my drinking. It had nothing to do with it. I couldn't manage my own life and the only one aspect I couldnít manage it was the decision to stay away from the first one. If you could manage the decision to stay way from your first drink the question you'd have to ask yourself is why are you in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous just don't drink and move on but if you can't manage the decision to stay away from the first one A applies B that probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism could anyone solve your inability to control your drinking anybody have someone try to control how much you drink while you were drinking that's always a good time isn't it is that special someone in your life is limiting your drinks that's why God invented flasks but there wasn't any human power I couldn't come up with the power no one else could come up with thepower and see that God could and would if he were sought. Welcome to the hope of step two. And it says, being convinced we are at step three. And I'm a history guy. Never used to be. Bored me to death. The longer I stay into this 12-step fellowship, history becomes more important. Has anyone ever read the original manuscript before? here's an edit that occurred in the original manuscript that I really wish and this is just my opinion but Bill said if we aren't convinced of these three vital issues we ought to re-read the book up to this point or else throw it away because if I'm not convinced of this I've got no business even toying with step 3 but if i am convinced of this it says being convinced we are at step three which is that we decided and if you have a book underline it circle it convey it that's all we're doing in step three we decided to turn our will in our life over the care of god as we understood him if i knew how to turn my will my life over to care of God as i understood him i would have been that courtroom as i was about to be handed down to the judge when I said, God get me out of this I'll do anything if I could have upheld that and pulled that maneuver off I wouldn't be here today. But me left to my own devices I don't know how to turn my will in my life my thoughts and my actions over to God. I've tried countless times on my own and failed miserably. God kept upholding His end of the bargain I didn't like the way it turned out at some times but I'm here today God had no problem upholding his end of the bargain I failed utterly every time with my best intentions I did not know how to turn it over I knew how to try to turn this thing around I was never successful at it trying to live up to that philosophy or those codes that I always thought that if I just could do this, everything would be okay, but I don't know how to do it. So I'm making a decision to learn how. I'm deciding to turn my life and my will of my life over to the care of God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that? We're going to talk about that from page 61 to 63. Just what we do about it is page 63 to page 164. See, the essence of step three is I'm making the decision to work steps 4 through 12 like my life depends on it. And as a result of working those 8 steps, or 9 steps, 4 through12, I am going to be taught how to turn my will in my life, my thoughts and my actions over to the care of God as I understand, not as you understand, not as I was raised just as the understanding the power that I'm going to get connected to by doing this work so often we want to break off into page 61 and start talking to newcomers and laying this out page 61 is presenting an idea page 60 and 61 it says the first requirement that we convince that life run on self will can hardly be a success unfortunately this world as we know it everything is geared towards that statement your life is run on self-will we have go to the bookstore the self-help aisle is amazing isn't it is anybody dabbled in that it's it's we've all been raised that You know what? If something's got you licked, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and come on. Get a hold of this thing. Throw more of me at the problem. Has anyone been successful at that? That may be for other people, but for alcoholics it's a tragedy in waiting. It says, On that basis, we're almost always in collision with something or somebody even though our motives are good. And the question you have to ask yourself is, how well has your way worked out so far in your life? You throwing more of you at the problem, how well is it worked out? Because it gets right back to what Audrey laid out. Unfortunately, we want to convince these newcomers that, you know what, their plan is inadequate. Their ideas aren't going to work. But you've got to remember Did anyone tell you that and did it hold any depth their way? You telling me that my idea is wrong means you don't know what you're talking about in my head. Because as an alcoholic, the easiest way to get them to do something is tell them what? Not to do it. We have to remember who we're talking About and so often in these rooms we forget who we are. The longer we're away from our last drink, We forget who we are, and you're never going to be successful at sponsoring anyone if you forget who you are. Because what words magically came out of someone's mouth that made you decide, oh my God, all my ideas are wrong? No one was ever successful at that with me. Ever. Period. So it just presents some ideas. it says most people live by self-propulsion each person is like the actor who wants to run the whole show and I remember the first time I read page 61 I sat back and I'm listening to it and I am contemplating it and it's arranging the lights in the ballet I am the actor playing the director as long as I am happy everyone around me is going to be happy and I sit back and say that isn't me that's the woman I live with right now because I can see it in other people. And unfortunately, as we try to convince someone of this, we're wasting valuable time. We're just planting the idea. If they get it, they do. Bonus. If they don't, arguing with them and trying to convince them that their actor is trying to run the whole show, trying to kill them with kindness, and if that doesn't work well, we're going to shift modes and I'm going to roll over the top of you whether you like it or not. If I see it, I see it. If i don't, I don't. But remember what I've got looming over my head. What Audrey just laid out. I've given them a horrible case of alcoholism. So I presented out a problem. I presented out a solution and I am giving them a decision to make. And that's all page 61 is laying out and page 62 says selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. And I'm like, no it isn't, it's her. It's that boss. And again, we forget who we are and we try to convince people of this. And again it says so our troubles we think and we forget who that we thing is. It's the authors of the book. As they're looking back and did you think your troubles were basically of your own making as you picked up your desire ship if my daddy wouldn't have been an alcoholic and just been such a terror to live with I wouldn't be the way I was if my mama would have just loved me like she loved my sister everything would be ok I didn't think the troubles were of my own making but they thought they were it says so our troubles we think are basically of our own making they rise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot though I love this you can tell an alcoholic wrote this though he usually doesn't think so we never think so ever but it says above everything we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness we must or it kills us and unfortunately in these rooms you hang around here long enough and now there's no musts in the big book. Sorry, there are. I just read two of them. Above everything we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. There's two musts followed by a really bad promise. This book is littered with promises. Some are good, some are bad. And it says, often there is no way of getting rid of self without his aid. Many of us have moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we couldn't live up to them even though we would like to. Neither could we ever reduce our self-centeredness as much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. And it gets right back to that same simple question. How well is your way working out so far? And if I don't convey that to the newcomer, I'm missing it. I'm missing what this whole thing is all about. Because if they think their way is working out okay, do you think you're going to get anywhere? Did anyone ever get anywhere with you when you thought your way was working out? No. End of story. This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. And I sat back and I'm like, I'm not playing God or was I? Because everything was dependent on everyone else in order to make me okay. Everything was dependent on external things. I was trying to treat an internal condition with external things, whether it be events, situations, people, places, things, whatever it may be in hopes that somehow I would somehow be okay not drinking and I wouldn't drink again. Step three is a really simple idea. It's a simple concept. It's the idea of we're going to let God call the shots and the question you have to ask yourself is how worse of a job could God do in running your life than you've done up to this point. And if you're like me, I drove myself into the ground repeatedly and was broke, homeless, unemployed, unemployable, living out of a car and not a darn thing I could do about it. 35 years old and that was not what I envisioned when I was 8 years old. I didn't sit back and go, I just can't wait until I get to that moment where I'm living in Dallas in the middle of the summer out of a car with no air conditioning. That is not what I aspired to be. You could have pulled somebody out of Terrell State Hospital and they probably would have done a better job at running my life up to that point. But that's what it took for me. Other people don't have to go to that extreme because it's all about, all of those external events have to create an internal condition called pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. And once I got to that point where I had enough of much as I could stand, my way wasn't working and now they presented an idea just maybe we're going to shift gears and we're gonna give this God idea a shot even though you don't even know if you believe in it or not. The simple question is what do you have to lose if you've tried everything else. So it says, when we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer. Being all-powerful. We covered that. Remember? We're not talking about an inanimate object. We're talking about that conversation that you had with that powerful thing that was everything and not nothing when you were in that desperate, hopeless situation. We're going to get plugged into that as our new employer, being all-powered. He provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well. And could you imagine if you got everything you needed from the rest of your life? Wrap your mind around that. Now, I did not say you got everything you wanted. Wants and needs are two totally separate things. I really didn't think they were. But I am going to get everything I need if I hang on to this simple concept and I follow the hook. If I keep close to him and perform his work well, how do I do that? By working steps 4 through 12 like my life depends on it. See, if I haven't done a fourth step in Alcoholics Anonymous, let me let you in on a secret. You haven't done anything in Alcoholics Anonymous. Nothing. You have absorbed air in a room and you filled up a chair. Why would anyone belong to a 12-step fellowship and not work the 12 steps? It's kind of a contradiction in terms, isn't it? Although I did it. That was my plan. But guess what the result was? Nil. It just got worse. So step three is, I am going to be taught how to stay close to God and perform His work well by making the decision to do what the first 100 did, thoroughly follow the path. And each and every one of you know how to thoroughly follow a path. If you didn't know where the liquor store was and I gave you directions, directions, specific directions on how to get there? Are you going to deviate? I know I'm not. Why? Because I want to get what I need to get and I'm going to go to any length to get it. Welcome to what step three is all about and exactly what Audrey said. If you go at it with half the zeal that you went at, you're going at your last drink, guess what? You're in like Flynn. But if you think sitting around an hour once a week is going to solve your problem, did you drink an hour one a week? You are intelligent people. Don't fool yourself. You had to be to endure what you did. But that's what we're talking about. And step three is, this thing isn't a self-help program. It's all based on experience. I did not understand a word in this book until someone walked me through and explained it. I read it and then someone else walked me though it and it was like they picked up a different book. If you want to know what a sponsor is, guess what? Go to page 18 and read it. Someone properly armed with the facts can secure the confidence of an individual in a very short period of time. Sponsor someone. Like it says, if you want what we have and you're willing to go to anything like to get it, you're ready to get busy. Show me how. And if you think you're going to learn how to fly a 747 by reading the flight manual to a 737, guess what? I'm not flying with you. If I want to learn How to Fly, I'm going to get a pilot to show me how to do it. I'm gonna read the flight menu but I'm have someone who knows what they're doing walk me through so I don't kill myself. That's what a sponsor is all about and that's what sponsorship is all about that's why it is a responsibility we don't take lightly and if this person is willing to get busy and do it we can sit down and say this prayer and it says god i offer myself to you to build with me as you want do with me As You Want you can shake the these and those out they confused me and god here i am i give up it says do with Me As You want relieve me of the bondage yourself that I may better do thy will. What is the bondage of self? Who is the one that's causing the problem, whether I realize it or not? I'm saying a prayer that's saying, you know what, it's me. Take away my difficulties, me. Get me out of it. I've got a mind that's trying to kill me and make it look like an accident. Some of you maybe understand that statement. And that's where I was at. I'm like, I will do anything you tell me because whatever is coming out of here right now cannot be trusted. And I sat down with an individual, take away my difficulties that victory over them may allow me to have a really great day. No, it's no longer about me. It says, take away My difficulties that victory ever them may be witness to those I would help with Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life. Do this so someone else can see it in me and go, oh my God, this possibly could work. Because guess what I saw the individual who was bringing this to me. My first question was, you've been sober how long? Consecutively? Like in a row? It was unthinkable to me because he had my story. That was just something I could not comprehend. And he bore witness to me and he showed me what the power of God could do. Even though I didn't even know if there was a God, there was something at work in him that I could not explain. Later on, as I looked back, guess what it was exactly in this prayer? May I do thy will... You know, it says, the power of thy way of life, may I do thou will always! And then they trick you. Sneaky alcoholics. we thought well before taking this step wait a minute I just did no look what it says we thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him has anyone done a really heartfelt third step prayer before and drank afterwards anybody in this room other than me see there's one thing that God doesn't take lightly is commitments. And you know what this step will do? It screws your drinking up. Because you're letting them in. And there's nothing worse than a head full of knowledge of what the problem is, a headful of AA, and then going back out and drinking. And if you're working with someone like that, that's why that opportunity when they're coming back time is of the essence because that window is open for just such a short period of time and they aren't having fun they aren'T just partying too much but we thought well before we did this because this is a commitment that you know what it is a committment it's a commitment up to work the steps like your life depends on it you're doing it in front of another individual as witness in front of God saying I am going to do this but what is the decision How many decisions have you made today that you haven't followed up with yet? A decision is just a decision, isn't it? Because if it isn't followed-up with action, then what does it mean? I can decide to do a million things today. Am I going to get a million thing done? So what does all those decisions mean? Nothing. Until those words are followed-ups with actions, they don't mean a thing it's all you have fun