Step 3 and the God He Was Afraid to Believe In – Bob D.

About This Speaker Tape

Sober City at the Tabernacle - 2015

Even in the depths of his wreckage, Bob D. was an 'I know guy,' guarded by a defensive ego-dominant shell and a chronic spiritual malady. He traces the trajectory from a childhood of feeling fundamentally 'wrong' to a desperate adulthood where alcohol served as a medicine to dissolve his social anxiety and facade. Bob recounts the absurdity of his delusions—including a period where he convinced himself he had a brain tumor to justify his erratic behavior—and the crushing realization that he could not return to the 'good old days.' He describes his arrival at the 'last house on the block' in a Las Vegas detox where he finally surrendered his life to a sponsor and the altruistic movement of service to escape the bondage of self.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bob D. introduces himself and mentions his sobriety date: October 31, 1978.
• 5:12 Bob describes the 'zone' alcohol created, allowing him to feel intelligent and rhythmic.
• 12:45 Laughter: Bob discusses the 'phenomenon of craving' and the failure of 'just say no' programs.
• 18:20 Bob's critique of the 'refrigerator magnet' cliches found in recovery bookstores.
• 22:15 Bob discusses his fear of a judging Higher Power and his childhood memories of a nun.
• 28:40 Bob describes being 'ego-dominant' and his inability to listen to anyone.
• 35:10 The story of the 'brain tumor' delusion and the subsequent medical tests.
• 42:15 Bob recounts his suicide attempt on a bridge and the terror that it might not be high enough.
• 48:30 Bob describes meeting his sponsor, Dick T., in a Las Vegas detox.
• 54:10 Discussion of Step 12 and the necessity of service to avoid 'getting weird'.
• 58:20 Step 3: Bob's story about turning his will over to a chair to get it out of the hands of an idiot.