Step 2 — Came to Believe – Rick A. – 2024 Wilson House Big Book Workshop Retreat – with Rick H. and Sonya F.

About This Speaker Tape

Sonia and Rick dismantle the intellectual arrogance and the 'safe' illusion of control that kept them trapped in substances. Sonia traces her path from childhood trauma and a decade of anesthetizing herself with drugs to the moment she realized she was 'crazy angry' after a Daily R. hit home.

Rick maps out his shift from seeing alcoholics as 'skid row bums' to recognizing his own 'phenomenon of craving'—the popcorn analogy where one beer demands the next. Both work through the transition from a rigid, Catholic-bred fear of a bearded Higher Power to a personal Higher Power found in the quiet of a work bathroom or the simple act of finding a lost tool. The narrative moves from the wreckage of broken marriages and road rage to a place where safety is felt from the inside out, rather than through the manipulation of external circumstances.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Paul reads a passage from the Big Book regarding the conception of a Higher Power.
• 2:15 Sonia discusses the 'intellectually self-sufficient' person and the illusion of control.
• 6:40 Sonia describes her childhood trauma and the 'anesthetizing' of her 20s and 30s.
• 10:10 Laughter: Sonia's realization of her own anger and the 'Mary fucking Sunshine' comment.
• 14:30 Rick enters and shares his initial misconception of alcoholics as 'skid row bums' in trench coats.
• 18:50 Rick explains the 'phenomenon of craving' using the popcorn analogy.
• 23:10 Rick describes praying for sobriety in a work bathroom just until noontime.
• 28:40 Sonia discusses the 'HOW' acronym (Honesty, Openness, Willingness) and her struggle with religious fear.
• 33:15 Sonia describes the process of building a Higher Power based on traits like safety and love.
• 38:20 Sonia reflects on her former husband and the role he played in showing her her own trauma buttons.
• 43:10 Rick discusses the 'bondage of self' and the root problem of selfishness and self-centeredness.
• 51:40 Rick shares his daily morning prayer and a story about a frustrating tape holder in his car.