Step 1 and the Failure of Intellectualism – Bob D.

About This Speaker Tape

Pockets of Enthusiasm Online Conference - 2020

Bob D. maps out the anatomy of 'pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization,' arguing that this state isn't just a bottom hit during a drinking run but a recurring condition that can strike even after decades of sobriety. He traces his own wreckage—from an Ivy League ego and a 148 IQ that acted as a shield against help to a hit-and-run DUI in a stolen car and a failed suicide attempt on a bridge. Bob describes the 'rapacious creditor' of alcoholism that eventually pulls the plug on the effect leaving him in a state of 'anxious apartness' where the alcohol no longer works. He dismantles the delusion of the 'I-know-guy,' explaining how the alcoholic ego regenerates like a scar leading to a cycle of surrender and smug spiritual superiority. He makes the case that the only escape from this mental prison is through surrendered altruistic service to others.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Bob D. discusses his late sponsor Clancy and the warmth of being made fun of in a meeting.
• 2:15 Discussion on 'pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization' and how it affects people even in long-term sobriety.
• 5:30 Laughter: The Starship Enterprise metaphor for the alcoholic mind's defense mechanisms.
• 10:15 Bob describes the 'rapacious creditor' and the futility of late-stage drinking.
• 15:40 The 'anxious apartness' experienced during a relapse in a Pennsylvania bar.
• 21:10 Account of the hit-and-run DUI in a stolen car and the subsequent jail cell.
• 26:30 The bridge: A detailed account of a suicide attempt and the terror that broke his ego.
• 31:00 Arrival in Las Vegas in 1978 and the experience of 'believing in hopelessness'.
• 35:20 The moment of identification with another speaker's story and the decision to ask for sponsorship.
• 40:15 Discussion of the 'recuperative powers of the alcoholic ego' and the cycle of surrender.
• 44:50 The Jim J. example as a warning against the 'monkey mind' and the lack of a sponsor.
• 49:10 Closing thoughts on finding a Higher Power through the service of others.