Seven Years Without the Steps: The Architecture of Half-Recovery – Chris R.

My name's Steve and I'm an alcoholic. We're not going to do any amount of readings or anything. We're going to try to get this thing going pretty quick. So I'll ask everybody to raise, stand, and we'll say the serenity prayer. God, I have things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. If you have any cell phones, we ask that you please turn them off. And if you have the urge to talk to the person beside you during the meeting, we ask that you please do that outside so you're not disrupting the people around you. And we're just going to hand this over to the two brothers. Hey, y'all. Well, now. Morning. It always freaks me out when anybody shows up to these things. We've been doing these things for years, and it's just amazing. It's just like lay in the rack or go to that stinking meeting. Lay in the rack or go to that stinking meeting. And I'm always going to pick lay in the rack. I'm telling you right now. I just can't. God bless you, man. I was just thinking. When he was speaking. When he was talking about this turning the cell phone thing off, I always am afraid I'm going to leave mine on and do something like that. I was in New York a couple of weeks ago doing a talk, and I had left my cell phone in my briefcase sitting next to a box of Altoids. You know, those little metal box. And that thing went off, and that thing had it on vibrate, and it sounded like a big rattlesnake inside that briefcase like that. It was the most disconcerting. I'm trying to talk like this and ignore it, and nobody's ignoring it. I'm just like, oh, God. It just stopped. Stop. Loser. Do what? Loser. For guys I didn't meet last night. My name is Myers Raymer, and I'm an alcoholic. Golly. We're talking about chapter two of Common Solution this morning, and it's a great, it's my very favorite chapter in the big book. Bill introduces us to a whole bunch of great brand new ideas, and he kind of greases the skids and sets a whole bunch of things in motion, that are going to unfold over the next couple of chapters, and it's pretty neat stuff. Some of you guys that are older may remember, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young used to do a song years ago, and of all of their songs, there was a line out of one of those songs that said, Confusion has its costs. And I remember, it's funny, I was talking about this in Sweden one time, and this guy walked up, this Swedish guy walked up to me afterwards, and he said, yeah, that's from such and such a song, and such and such a disc, and such and such, and I went, how do you know these things? I mean, I lived it, and I don't know these things, but he knew it. Confusion has its costs, and it does. And that's where we find ourselves sometimes in AA, around a bunch of areas. We seem to have, it's not that we don't care, because I think that we do care. It's just that there is so much information hitting us from a lot of different directions, and so, and we end up accepting, accepting a lot of things that, we talked about it a little bit last night, there's a lot of things that sound good, that are meant well, but just aren't real doctrine. And so what we end up with, for a lot of us anyway, what we ended up with, is this kind of collection of one-liners, and funny things, and stories, and anecdotes, and all kinds of stuff that become our program that we carry to the new guy. And so we end up with this sort of crazy sort of, sort of metastasized deal that just kind of, kind of, it gets sort of convoluted. We start over here, and we give her the true message, and because she's not in the book, she passes it verbally to somebody else, and somebody else, and somebody else, and by the time we get back over here, it's already begun to change and alter, until pretty soon we end up with this representation of our precious program that bears little resemblance to what Bill and Bob in the first 100 intended for us to get. And that's the reason why, and I got kind of excited about the idea of this chapter, the way it sets itself up in a common solution. If you've got your book, we'll look at this thing, and I'm going to cover a couple things, and then Chris is going to get into the meat of the back end of this thing. But it's interesting, because they're asking us to take a gander at this idea, this concept. Most of us only got so far as to recognize the fact that we were all drunks in the room, that we were just a collection of drunks, and that was enough to hold us together. And yet, at the bottom of this thing, the feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. We all know that. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined. The tremendous fact is that every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. And so the goal, guys and gals, would be, if we could identify the common solution, and then let go of it, let go of the old ideas. So let's take one little side road before we get back into this chapter, okay? This idea that perhaps we could actually let go of some old ideas. First, you'd have to recognize the fact that the old ideas may be harming you, that may be not doing what you think they're doing. And that's real tough for a lot of us. This was the hardest thing for me to do, guys. This was the hardest. Once I got into the big book and started studying it seven years sober, this was the hardest thing that I had to do, was, was, was, gently set aside all the stuff that I thought that I knew about this program, and then began to formulate a new baseline that everything else would be sifted through. It's like, well, we say, well, our collective knowledge in AA is important, and this is the experience that we share. I have no argument with any of you about that. Our collective experience is important. Our experiences are important. The problem becomes when there is no program out of our basic text that goes along with the experience, to buffer that. Let me give you an example. I had this lady that I absolutely adored in AA that used to talk from the podium all the time, or in a meeting, she used to talk about how she got sober in AA by practicing yoga. I love yoga. Listen, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I have not a problem in the world with yoga. But that's her opinion. You understand what I'm saying? That's her opinion, that yoga saved her bacon. And, and, and the, the preposterous idea that that same thing would save your bacon, maybe pushing it to the limit, right? That's, that's when we get to a situation where we share an opinion that we mean well, that actually has the power to hurt somebody on down the road. When we had a basic text that used words like exactly and precisely, and they were giving us specific instructions, and yet we were going to ignore those instructions, and then we were going to just gravitate to the easier, softer way, which was we'll love each other in AA. And there's nothing wrong with loving each other in AA, but there's more there than just that. I'm going to tell you this, guys, and believe me when I tell you, I've thought about this a million times. If love was enough to get me and keep me in AA, my mama would have got me sober. Scouts on her. She loved me to death. But it was not enough. Love itself is not enough. It takes action, and it takes doing some things. And most of them make me do things that I don't want to do. And that's why I would rather gravitate to the one-liners and gravitate to the other stuff than to, you guys know how that stuff works, flip over the page. It's interesting, at the bottom of that page, on page 18, it says, but the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. A, first off, to note that this is all in italics, which means Bill and those cats thought it was important enough to put in italics. They don't do it indiscriminately. But look at what it says at the first sentence. But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, what is the solution? That there was a way to get from A to B. That there was a way to recover. That's what they're talking about. And that was what the book outlined, was how to do this. It wasn't left up to this freewheeling transference of oral information back and forth. It wasn't that. Who is properly armed with facts about himself can generally win the entire confidence. And you guys know and understand this exactly. How many times have we faced therapy and had no effect at all? And then we sit in a meeting and there's some crusty old guy there scratching his wrist, rearing and talking, and all of a sudden you go, holy cow, what did that old dude just say? And all of a sudden we connect and we know, here is a man that understands my condition on a level that no other man has ever been able to connect. This is powerful stuff. And this goes along the same line as some of the stuff that we were talking about last night. Somebody said one time, and I questioned his judgment why he said it in the first place, but he said, Martin, I want to talk just like you. And I remember thinking, why would you want to do that? Why? I know where he was coming from. I know what he was trying to say. But the point is, is that God put each and every one of us in a particular place here as men and women, as recovered alcoholics, with the unique ability to reach somebody else in a room. And it's an amazing, amazing thing. Have you ever been in a situation where you were in a meeting and you shared something and you thought, yeah, they dug what I said, you know, like this. And you think there's some little guy eyeballing you across the room, and you're like, and he's kind of looking at you and you think, as soon as I get done, he's going to come up here and he's going to ask me to sponsor him. I've been in this situation a dozen times that I can remember. And I'm sitting there like this going, yep, he'll be here in a minute, like this. And he does. He's heading this direction. I go, see, I told you, like this. And he just kind of pushes me out of the way and he walks around there and he starts talking to this little knucklehead behind me. And I'm going, what he said wasn't pissy at all. Matter of fact, I thought it was sort of lame-o. He's just like, you see what I'm saying? But it's like, each of us, that's the reason why each one of us needs to be in that meeting there trying to help somebody. That's the reason why nobody gets off without the responsibility of helping somebody else. And that's the reason why I'm often amazed at the little guy that comes in that's the most timid, that's the most beat up, the quietest woman in the room. If you can get her off her butt and if you can get her heading in the right direction, doing the right work, she can, get free and clear of everything that held her back for generations and she can kick some major AA butt. And I've seen it until, it's an amazing miracle and you see it all the time. And it's also the part that keeps this thing so exciting. It's the stuff that keeps me coming back day by day by day to see these kinds of miracles. Top page 19, one of my very favorite, if you've ever sponsored anybody, this needs to be in your arsenal of go-to paragraphs because I promise you, you'll be faced with it all the time. None of us makes a sole vocation of this work nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased. If we did, we feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning period. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. Let me ask you guys a question. How many of you guys have ever left an AA meeting feeling like you were a spiritual giant? A guru in your own mind, right? And then you go, you get home and you step over the threshold and there's some book bags in the doorway or somebody left a bunch of big old clod of shoes laying there like this and all of a sudden you're stirred up and agitated and by the time you get to the back bedroom, you're looking for somebody to kill. Right? See, it's not just me. It is you two. Why is it? Why is it? Have you ever wondered why is it that it's harder to be a spiritual giant around the people that you love the most and the easiest to be a spiritual giant around the people that you barely know sitting in an AA meeting? It's the craziest thing in the whole wide world. And yet, this is what this thing is saying. When I'm working with men in AA, I'm paying particular attention to their actions. I pay very little attention to what men tell me these days. I hardly listen to them at all. It just goes in one ear and out the other end. I watch what they do, what their actions are, and especially, I watch what they do around their families. How do you treat your employer? How do you treat your kids? How do you treat your kids and your wife and your people that you know? Again, it's really easy to stay spiritually aligned sitting in an AA meeting. I'll treat you with utmost kindness and then I'll go home and raise my voice at my wife. What is that about? And all of these things, these are key indicators, manifestations of a spiritual condition that is not right. It speaks of hypocrisy and it speaks of this kind of contradictory nature of our recovery. It's pretty weird. It's pretty weird. It's pretty weird. Because if you start paying attention to it, there is a reason that you're doing that. You're not maladjusted. You're not evil. You're not a mean old son of a bitch. You're not. But there's a reason that you're doing it and you need to find out what it is. And most of the time, it always goes back to not dealing with the things work-wise, program-wise, that we should be dealing with. You're letting up in certain areas or not doing or completely ignoring certain areas of the program that you need to be addressing. We see that stuff all the time. And the last little piece I want to do before Chris comes up on this thing, this is more of a side road than an actual... This is just sort of a little commentary on something that you may be interested in, you may not be interested in. At the bottom of that page, there was a paragraph that is of interest. It says... It's just below the halfway mark on the page and it says, we have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with our drinking problem. With a drinking problem. Excuse me. It's interesting. Within the fellowship now, it's always we stand in front of a room and share our experience, strength, and hope. But for a lot of us, it was interesting for me to learn that experience, strength, and hope was never part of our original text. It wasn't introduced until the 4th or the 3rd edition in 1976. But it was originally produced, it was originally brought in by the Grapevine in 1945 by some editorial staff who wrote it. It sounded, and it became adopted. This is how, the reason I'm mentioning this is this is how interesting it is that things can be added to your program and you never really know where they came from or what the deal was. Now listen, there is nothing wrong with sharing experience, strength, and hope. Please, are we all on that same page? I don't want anybody coming up here saying, you know what he said about I love sharing experience, strength, and hope, but I like this better. And I'll tell you the reason why. The literature asks us to share our combined experience and knowledge. Our experiences are all different. Our experiences of what happened when I had my journey into recovery is different than yours. And those experiences are entertaining and they are often very helpful to a brand new guy that is coming in. But what's really important is the knowledge of how I recovered. That's what they were talking about. The literature told me if I did this, I would get this. They were real clear about it. And so, but that knowledge has seemed in some places has been left behind. It's been sort of kind of watered out. You ever hear a guy stand up in front of a group like at a birthday night. Well, I've been sober for 10 years. I don't have a clue how I got here. Listen, and I know where he's coming from. I understand humility. I understand that's his attempt at humility. I do understand that. And yet, it drives me crazy to hear it. It's one of those things that I just go, listen, I've been sober 21 years, guys, and I know exactly how I got here. I know exactly exactly what, what keeps me here. I know exactly why I will stay here. I know these things. Because the literature is clear on this stuff. The knowledge of how this program works is that important. And that's what I hope that everybody would get back into. Strength and hope is great stuff. But my mama could share strength and hope with me. Did you understand that? My mama could share strength and hope with me, but it didn't keep me sober. What I needed was a man in AA who had the knowledge of how he was recovered to carry that same knowledge to me to show me how to recover. And that is an amazing, amazing thing. I'm not knocking any of that stuff. Everybody always wants to misunderstand this stuff. And somebody will come up and say, I don't think you should say those unkind things about experience, strength, and hope. I'm not. I'm just telling you I like the book's original version better. That's a personal opinion. I like the fact that they would address experience and knowledge as being important to our recovery. And I want to read this one little paragraph and then give it to Chris. On the next page, page 20 at the top of that page, Bill, this is one of the very first times he addresses it on page 14 in Bill's story. And then again on page 20 it says, our very lives as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. Huh. It always amazes me how clear he is on the deal. And it says, you may have already asked yourself why is it that all of us become so very ill from drinking? Now he's going to introduce us for the first time since the doctor's opinion he's going to introduce us to this idea of this illness and we're going to get they're going to beat it up over the next 25 pages but right now they're introducing it again. Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why in the face of expert opinion to the contrary we have recovered there's that ugly word that everybody doesn't want to talk about from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you're an alcoholic who wants to get over it you may already be asking what do I have to do? There's classic classic poetic Bill Wilson. He paints a rhetorical picture and then he gives you the information that answers what it was he just asked. It's just and he'll do it again 50 times before the page 164 that same literary license that he takes in his stuff. He'll paint you a word picture of a situation he'll paint the drunk at his worst and then he'll paint some solution and then he'll paint it again and he'll repeat it over and over again until by the time we're done with it we kind of go oh now I get it now I get it good stuff man thanks Chris my name's Chris R. I'm a very grateful recovered alcoholic and I'm delighted to be here I apologize for not wearing a coat I have one I'm speaking tonight and I'm not going to mess it up doing this my wardrobe is a little shallow this trip who knew it was going to be freezing up here I mean this is gorgeous up here I got to tell you I'm not going to be freezing up here I'm honored to be here thanks so much and the chance to spend a little time talking in this in this chapter is pretty cool and it's like I'm going to say tonight I'm going to give you a little bit of my story y'all don't kind of know where I come from I'm not as as well as messed up as Myers and so we all get here different ways and it's just it's a pleasure to be here I want I Reader's Digest condensed I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to intuitively that I had a problem with the drinking and I had a bunch of outside issues that were complicating the things a lot and I was in therapy for a bunch of years eating lots of medications and I was in in and out of treatment and I started Alcoholics Anonymous in 1980 went to my first meeting and the old geezer says Chris you have a problem with alcohol and I said yes I was drunk then you know and absolutely I got a quarter beer in my pickup truck even as we speak and he said well you're in the right room welcome and that was it that's the extent of the qualifying that was done to Chris Reimer for seven years and then we went around and told all the war stories that gave me pause I said I was one of you and that I was in the right room but I have never robbed a liquor store and I have never had a DWI and I don't beat my wife and and and and you're trying to scare me into the recovery by sharing your your your , your experience strength and hope and and you've got me confused because I'm not like you and I can tell you folks I work in a treatment center and have for about 16 years I do clerical work for a hospital and and I get a chance to talk to lots and lots and lots of people that come in trying to get well and they are all in that same spot they've all tried AA and they get in that room and they find out that this is about Alcoholics Anonymous and this treatment center and they're so disappointed I can't believe I've spent this much money to do this to go back to AA and I'm sitting there very quietly you know I can't believe you did either but but I'm real glad you did but you'd be amazed at how many people we talk to that all of a sudden start looking like deer in a headlight like what are you talking about where are you getting that information out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that was published in 1939 this is the big book this is the message we're supposed to carry but you see everybody you know big website started up here in Canada and they're all that takes the shots at some of us little thumper guys you know we were talking about it last night oh it's a cult any of you guys I saw you making a note in your book do you realize that now you're a part of the cult because you did that I was like oh my gosh I've been a part of this cult for years now you know 21 years I've been sober and it's like it freaks me out the shots that we take because we're coming out of the book you want to I mean you want to feel some resistance in a room introduce yourself as a person who has recovered like the book tells you to do you want to you with us oh my my counselor in treatment said we'll always be recovering your counselor in treatment probably wasn't even a real alcoholic but he's going to share this little piece of information with you and then it's going to water the message down and even further you'll follow why do we have so many young people that don't want to get sober in our fellowship why do you want to be a part of a fellowship where every day you have to get up and admit you're sick see I haven't obsessed about alcohol in 21 years that's a pretty good cool thing I can share some hope with my little brother James stay on the path so that you can stay with us you with us but it's going to offend somebody could I get sick again tomorrow you bet if I stop doing the work if I stop doing the book tells me that but guys the miracle of this is that you can get taken to a place pretty quick where the obsession to use goes away and we have some power left over to deal with all that external stuff and what Bill Wilson has tried to do in these first couple of chapters especially in this one we're talking about here he's trying to differentiate the difference between a hard drinker and a real alcoholic and again people get I use the term because Bill Wilson uses it but what about the real alcoholic it's a quote out of the book you use this in a meeting and it's like I don't care what you say if I say I'm an alcoholic if I say I'm an alcoholic no comma you're not you can call yourself a duck if you want to but it doesn't mean you're a duck if you say you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous the traditions say you can be a member but I'm thumb you're down with that come on with us we're good with that anybody as far as but we have a responsibility to qualify you and it's one of the main things in Alcoholics Anonymous that we don't do anymore worth a poot we're so busy worrying about membership and literature sales you know come come come well I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic come anyway it's okay you'll find out if you are instead of stop at the door let's sit down get a cup of coffee and find out once and for all are you really one of us or not alcoholism guys is a fatal progressive illness it is nasty as can be you're either going to end up in an institution or dead if you're one of us and yet everybody says that but nobody really believes it how do we know that listen to the people water the message down take your time to work the steps easy does it all you need to do is go to meetings for a year more meetings more meetings that's what you need to do excuse me if you truly understood the fatality of this the fatal nature of this disease would you be telling somebody just to keep coming back to a bunch of meetings I don't think so you'd be sitting down and qualifying them and getting them through the work so they could get well all the cats in early AA did the steps quick folks anybody that's taken their time to do the steps have been misinformed see here's the deal if you want to if you want to just there's two things two reasons that you're not going to get this one if you don't believe you're one of us then you won't do the work the other reason is if nobody tells you what to do in order to get well make sense so I have a responsibility as a recovered alcoholic when I go to a meetings or guys I'm sponsoring or working with to make sure that you understand what the solution is and then you can either do it or not do it make sense turn to bottom page 21 bottom page 20 moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving it up entirely if they have good reason for it they can take it or leave it alone you know with this I don't think we have a moderate anybody in here maybe then we have a certain type of hard drinker Bill Wilson's trying to separate this up a little bit certain type of hard drinker he may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair himself physically and mentally it may cause him to die a few years before his time but here's the kicker but if a sufficient strong reason comes along ill health falling in love change of an environment a warning from a doctor if he's not well he's not well if any of this becomes operative this man or woman can stop or moderate although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention you with us world is full of hard drinkers given sufficient reason they can quit our judicial system in the United States is built on this if I can punish you enough hard enough long enough one day you'll wake up and say damn I don't want to do that anymore and you'll have the power to not do it but the real alcoholic jails are full of us it says in the next paragraph but what about the real alcoholic the real McCoy he may start off as a moderate drinker he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker but at some stage of his career he begins to lose all control of his drinking once he starts you follow I want to show you something real quick you probably can't see it from the very back but you guys in the good expensive seats up here in front can see them the thing is divided into three little spots and alcoholism is that alcoholism I'll go ahead and say this now in drug addiction also it's the same it's in the same deal alcoholism is genetic in nature the jury's in folks I mean I work for a hospital we study this stuff I mean we're cutting edge stuff it's genetic in nature alcoholism is not causal there's nothing out there that causes you to be an alcoholic it can exacerbate it oh my gosh some of you guys have been traumatized and that sure made it worse and it sure sure made it tougher for you but it didn't cause it that'll cause you to be a hard drinker you can do some good therapy on that and then get out the other side and be okay but the real alcoholic the cat that's genetically predisposed small percentage in the United States but the studies are in I mean this is pretty much conclusive stuff genetics plays a huge part in this your ethnic background plays a huge part in it if you happen to be you look at the Asian population there's like very few Asian alcoholics you'll see some but statistically very few you look at North America and Indians if you have any Indian blood in you welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous and it has nothing to do with anything other than the genetic predisposition y'all make sense? I got my father's bad back and his stunning good looks and his alcoholism and that Myers caught the bullet I've got a little sister that's a year and three months younger than us and she didn't catch that and I've got a half sister and she didn't catch that have you ever heard of that? have you ever heard of that? have you ever noticed that how come some of your siblings did and some of your siblings didn't guys it's just it's the luck of the draw eggy, spermy boop boop boop boop done and yet you still want to go into meetings and talk about why you're an alcoholic and this is what the book is trying to say in the same pages some of these excuses have a certain plausibility oh my gosh guys don't get me wrong some of us our disease has has progressed has sped up because of the circumstances and the damage that has been done but here's what ties us together you look around this room we've got some drop dead gorgeous people in this room we've got a couple of cats I can't even look straight at you're so ugly look at that water down there brother it's nothing personal you know it's just like cross section I know we've got some very intelligent people in here maybe some some really yeah cross section of humanity in here guys but the thing that ties us together this is what I was talking Myers was alluding to last night we have a tendency to want to compartmentalize everybody we've got the gay people over here we've got the kids over here we've got the the Vietnam vets over here we've got the people that were molested over here but we need to understand that the disease doesn't give a rat's butt about all that other stuff the thing that ties us together the common problem that the book talks about is the same in every single solitary one of us you either got these symptoms or you don't walks like a duck quacks like a duck it's a duck and if you don't it doesn't and the first part of this thing the doctor's opinion it talks about this physical phenomena called craving Dr. Silkworth spent 16 years as a neurologist in Towns Hospital he started seeing the similarities he'd see a black alcoholic come in and this white socialite from the west side come in and the symptoms were identical with these people their lives were completely different but the symptoms were identical once they started to drink at certain times this craving would kick in and they would drink more than they intended the physical piece of this is that they lost control once they started to drink that's what we have to look at did the craving ever kick in the problem is not that Chris R. drinks the problem is that Chris R. drinks too damn much in opportune times I've got an appointment I'm looking for a job I've got an interview at 2 o'clock at lunch I have a beer with a barbecue sandwich and by 2 o'clock I've had 6 beers just enough to make me sloppy in that interview make sense? why did I do that? I knew better than to show up at an interview drunk but here I was you follow? I didn't choose to do that this craving kicks in that's the genetic that's the piece that Dr. Silkworth could start to see in us our bodies metabolize this stuff different than normal people my little sister can sit down and have a couple of drinks Lisa, you want another drink? no thank you comma I'm starting to feel it and I lean back down like I'm talking to a retarded child yes me too you want another drink or not? I'm buying let's go she's not this craving is not kicked in her she's done enough okay and that's alright everybody I've ever talked to understands this physical piece everybody the worst counselor I ever had understood you alcoholics once you start to drink you lose all kinds of control you with us? 12 steps we admitted we were powerless over alcohol you alcoholics once you start to drink are certainly powerless over alcohol you with me? these observations would be academic and pointless of our friend top of page 23 never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion therefore the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than his body if you ask him why he started on the last bender the chances are he's going to offer you any one of a hundred alibis sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility but none of them really make sense in the light the havoc of the alcoholic drinking bouts creates you'll follow? what's saying is ok so we got this physical allergy that's a given we're going to look at that but you know what treats the physical allergy? it's called detox all you got to do to treat the physical piece is not drink even that even that crappy little book called Living Sober got that straight oh I know some of y'all like that book listen if you've got it just go home take it off the bookshelf go out in the backyard burn it don't read it burn it I'm not going to take time to talk about it now because this is ludicrous this is idea these counselors are telling me the same thing I mean this took me to the brink of a suicide attempt in 1987 you know if you really don't want to drink then just don't drink like like one minute at a time one just don't drink I understand it but what the book is trying to tell me now turn the page this is what we call the mean page page 24 you'd be surprised how many people in Alcoholics Anonymous have never read this page page 24 Italisi's writing just like Myers was saying kind of important that first real paragraph the fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent we are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory and suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago we are without defense against the first drink the almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd in our mind and deter us if these thoughts occur they are hazy and rarely supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we're going to handle ourselves like other people there is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove you with us? this is what it's saying here now guys up to page 23 we're talking about what happens to us when we put this stuff in our system now we're talking about what happens when it's out of our system if alcohol was the problem then treatment centers would crank out a hundred percent success rate and we'd be we certainly don't because alcohol is not the problem alcoholism is the problem it's my mind that tells me two weeks out that you can put it back in your system it's what kills alcoholics and it's amazing to me how many people out there in the world especially speaking from podiums especially working in the industry that don't understand that there's an old geezer 30 years sober in Houston, Texas and he still when he shares in meetings he says it every time and I just lay my head down every time he does 30 years sober he says I got up this morning and chose not to drink some of y'all in this room I guarantee you are saying it if you can do that then you're not an alcoholic if you can choose to not do it and make it stick then what you have is a behavioral problem and you've managed to get past it some of you are grinding your teeth I don't care I'm telling you exactly what this is about the tension that you feel in the room is about this idea that this will be as a death sentence I wish that Oprah understood that I wish Dr. Phil understood that I wish your Glenn Beck would understand what's the matter with these celebrities why don't they just choose not to drink I do oh shit get out of here when I was eating out of dumpsters in 1976 in Houston, Texas all I had to do was choose not to drink who knew my friend DJ says it best he says at what point does I change my mind qualify for insanity make sense you continue to change your mind you promise someone that you love that you're not going to do it and you mean it and you think you've got the power to not do it this is what the book is trying to say in this chapter there's a small percentage of us that can't not do it I can stop for short periods of time and then my head tells me they talk about the insanity the mental piece says you can drink but not like you did last time this time you're just going to have one you'll follow the experiment or this this is what we're seeing all over the country now in the United States this time what we're saying is I'm not going to drink that anymore I know I can't drink but I can still eat pills because they're doctor prescribed and then the craving kicks in and we're off to the stupid races again make sense yeah third piece of that deal that nobody ever wants to talk about is the spiritual malady and Bill Wilson continues to allude to it in here this internal discomfort it's what causes alcoholics and addicts to self-destruct alcohol is not the problem it's the problem it's the solution y'all down with that I've never heard a speaker yet get up on the podium and didn't talk about how great alcohol made them feel and that's exactly what we all understand and that's what the counselors and therapists the people that aren't one of us don't understand listen I understand that it may cause me some problems but I also understand that I'm fixing to implode because I'm irritable restless and discontent and I'm full of fear and the depression is kicking my butt you with me and this low self-esteem and the bedevilments or page 52 are coming up and grabbing me in the butt and I just don't like who I am and all I've got to do is take one drink drinks which I see you taking with impunity and now here I go again and now the craving kicks in and I'm off to the stupid races it's a death sentence folks everybody family members when they come to the hospital they're all waiting when's she going to hit her bottom you'll follow listen and this is what y'all need to hear what we're trying to do if you read this information in this chapter you're going to start feeling some tension in your gut that's the bottom you're going to hit what we need to do Cliff Myers' sponsor talks about it we need to give you cats a case of alcoholism you're a little new protege that thinks he might be one of us we've got to give them a case of alcoholism because they think they've got a case of drinking too damn much they've got a problem with the drink you've got to show them that they don't have they're waiting for their external world you see the little guy over here I've got the little X's it's a little issue man I've got little buttons sometimes I bring them around little issue man and everybody believes that the outside if the outside would get better I'd do okay how many of y'all have done that try to change your outside if we can just get out of Texas that was my big experiment I'm going to Texas everybody in Texas is alcoholic I'm going to move someplace where nobody drinks I moved to Atlanta, Georgia oh my gosh it was a horrible mistake they actually they don't sell booze on Sundays I didn't stay in Atlanta, Georgia very long I can assure you that I'm talking about losers but I kept thinking if I could just change if I could just get the right job and the right woman and the right all this other external stuff that I'd be okay inside and my family believes that too you with us and that's the frustrating part well god dang Chris you said you wanted the restaurant now you got it you said you wanted the new house and now you got it you with us but I'm sitting out in the back thinking god dang I didn't really want this this is not working out the way I want because the problem is not external the problem is internal and that's why my grinder is in meetings when we spend all of our time trying to fix all of this external and we stop worrying about what's going on inside make sense it's the it's the internal stuff I'll never forget the first time I was at that hospital and the lottery had just started a few years before in Texas and we had our first lottery winner in treatment we've had an endless supply of them since you with us they win the lottery thinking it's going to fix it but if they're alcoholic it just speeds up the process and it just speeds up the process you know they stop drinking that damn cheap Bartlett's and James wine coolers and now they're drinking Remy Martin you know but they're in treatment now and I'm thinking god dang I drank so many years around money if I just had money I just had all the bills paid I wouldn't have to drink so much believing that that would fix the problem then you get the money and you realize that that's not the problem you know it's the internal stuff that's got to be treated and that's why Bill Wilson if we can get the guys to understand the diagnosis of alcoholism true alcoholism then you don't have a choice then it's just like ok well what's the solution go on to the bitter end or have the spiritual experience seek the power unabashedly the book says on the bottom of page 25 it says quite clearly if you were seriously alcoholic as we were we believe there's no middle of the road solution what's middle of the road solution anything not in this book make sense I'm not you can add any of that other stuff to your program you want to but don't leave this out why is it that the last thing that we ever consider doing is working these 12 steps you got a guy in Toronto my first trip to Toronto looked me dead straight in the face and says we believe that everybody needs to come to meetings for a year and at the end of a year then possibly perhaps if you want to you can find somebody to take you through the steps but you see so many people stay sober that way that are not even alcoholics they don't even have a problem if you can go to a meeting and just sit on your ass for a year and not drink why the hell do you need us y'all see the tension I'm not trying to get preachy here but oh my gosh the real alcoholic that needs this solution is not going to hear it because it's so muddied down with middle of the road solution what happens when you're in the middle of the road guys you get run over get on one side or get on the other come in go out but do something that's what the book is trying to tell us I'll show you one more thing what we got so absolutely afraid I know in the United States I can't speak for here wasn't here but in the United States when the treatment center started cranking them out in the 80's we got so absolutely afraid of offending anybody it was like we were almost apologetic about talking about the spiritual experience and about God you make sense you got the steps on the wall but we're not going to talk about it we're going to talk about everything else under the sun I can see some of you getting uncomfortable with it now I'm just saying why can't we do both why can't we do both is all I'm saying why can't we talk about the steps and make sure the newcomer understands the solution and talk about all the other happy horse hockey that we have to talk about I'm fascinated hearing about your grandkids one more time I can't with all the desperation of drowning men wow what a sentence huh we in our turn sought the same escape with the desperation of drowning men it means Bill Wilson has given us a suggestion called the twelve steps and here it is each in our turn we get to make a decision you want to work the twelve steps and have a spiritual experience or not why don't believe in God do you want to give this a shot make sense everybody is going to put their own little spin on it but let's do it it's just that simple seek the solution with the desperation of a drowning man now how my friends does this equate with take your time I got to say I got the little one liners on the wall over here it says easy does it I got to tell you everybody wants to take that out of context you know where that shows up in the book over in the chapter to the families where it talks about our families it says with our families easy does it is the best idea no kidding go gentle with your families you scalded the daylights out of them now don't go in there and start preaching to them easy does it we want to take it out of context and talk about the steps every time I'd come up and say listen I'm thinking about maybe starting that old fourth step some old geezer looked back down that didn't want to mess with me anyway and say hey buddy easy does it you've only been here six months take your time you didn't get this sick overnight you're not going to get well overnight absolute arrogance of you say something stupid like that I'm the real McCoy I can't sit for six months in my own juices listen to you talk about your day I need some relief I need some power that's what we're going to talk about tonight guys in my story that's exactly what this is about find somebody to help you do this work last page in there it says further on clear cut directions are given showing how we recovered maybe I misread that maybe I missed these glasses further on clear cut directions are given showing how we recovered hmm I'm an alcoholic synonymous for seven years and nobody has shown me that let me say this real quick we'll let you guys run in the front of the books anybody got a Canadian book I think published here no circle triangle in the front I don't remember if y'all got y'alls pulled out or not but we had a circle triangle in the front of the book on the title page where it says you can recover it that's the one right there baby let me have my yeah this is a third edition no wonder jeez thanks I appreciate that is that for me I appreciate that this is on the title page it says the story of how many thousands of people have recovered from alcoholism and there's a circle and triangle there that talks about it and says right there it says unity service and recovery and there's little three parts there the same thing body mind spirit unity service and recovery and if you're in all three parts of that program work in a program carrying the message and the service piece and the unity you're going to meetings and you're part of this you're going to stay sober and that's what we're seeing time and time and time again with these cats it's not how bad you are whether you're going to get sober or not it's who does the work and I guarantee you that it was so clearly painted to me when I the free stuff I understand it didn't cost you anything what the hell you can try it again later but here you go and then I thought the doctor that came in that was going to have his license revoked if he didn't get sober I thought surely this guy has his livelihood he's going to have to start driving an old beat up Nissan like me instead of a Mercedes he's going to stay sober couldn't stay sober because they simply refused to do the work you follow our fellowships are riddled with people that are hard drinkers who don't have to do the work and they are welcome and they are loved in our fellowship and we appreciate them being here but if you're a newcomer and you want to get sober don't compare yourself to the person sitting next and I realize that's really controversial to ask but you know if somebody I needed a spiritual experience and when I had one it blew me out of the water that's what we're going to talk about tonight this chapter is crystal clear and it wants to paint a picture three places in the book Bill Wilson tries to explain the different types of drinkers he wants us all to understand this is for you guys we've collected over the years some of these are really clandestine websites they actually talk about God and the steps and they're pretty good stuff we've compiled them and Mark copied some of these for you guys they'll be up here on the counter if you want to snag them if you're in with the group I would I don't know how many he copied but you can snag them and y'all make copies check them out there's a lot of great information in these websites thanks guys everyone to help close this meeting by making the circle joining hands and reciting the Lord's prayer