Sandy B. on Living a Day at a Time and the Spiritual Byproduct

Well, I'm going to raise this up a little bit. Hi everybody, my name is Sandy Beach and I'm an alcoholic. How are you all doing? Well,I want to congratulate you on another anniversary. country, you really know how to celebrate over here and how to attract people from all over. You know our groups we do alright in getting a lot of the local people but we don't get people coming roaring over from out of town so I really think it's wonderful. And I'm sure if you reflect back on the number of people that are sober and the families that have been affected in just three years, it would take a long time to add them all up. And that's the impact that an AA group has in a community and it happens, you know, a day at a time so you don't really notice it. And then if you go back and go, yeah, I remember when he came in, she came in. You'll see that it's made a big difference in the Apollo Beach community. And then each one of the people who gets sober, then they're treating people different as they go about their daily routine. And instead of disrupting 31 people a day, they are adding to their serenity and so this multiplies on out and there's a great contribution to the society around us. And it's just amazing what happens with one AA group or one person, one alcoholic talking to another. I was on the bill tonight to talk about the 12 traditions, and you know I was reading the card about Annie P., and I just said that card is telling me that we don't need to hear about the traditions tonight, that we could hear about them some other night and that maybe what we ought to hear about is a day at a time. So with all apologies to the tape cover that says 12 traditions, I'm going to change my mind. For those of you that I haven't met, my sobriety date is 7 December 1964. I came in Washington D.C. with a lot of great AA-ers, some of them are still around, of them gone up to meet with Bill W. upstairs and we had our wonderful old timers, you know the people that brought AA to Washington D.C., some of them were still alive and could tell us stories about getting AA started in a major metropolitan area and some of the came there with as little as six months sobriety, you know I laugh today that we go well she's only got six months, I don't know if she could lead a meeting yet. And with six months that Bill would say to somebody now look Jim I want you to go to Washington D.C. and start AA. I don�t have any instructions or anything I just find some drunks and get it started up there and they seem to do alright so maybe we could lower the requirement to a couple days. And so I had wonderful, I still have the same sponsor, he's quite ill but I've had the same sponsor for 40 years, and that provides a continuity and just a way of looking at things that is quite stable. And so I say to anybody new you want to get a sponsor, you want a home group, you want things that constitute anchors in your life. And when you feel like you're getting blown off the edge of the world, you've got this stuff to hold on to and then eventually we get our higher power as the ultimate source of strength and stability but until that happens we've got these people in these meetings and a routine I always tell people that I want you to find a meeting that you like for every night of the week you don't have to go every night the week but you want if you need a a meeting that day, you don't want to be going, well I've never been on a Thursday. And so maybe I won't go or this or that because you got friends for a meeting every night of the week and then you are comfortable when you go in there. And unless something else is going on, be there. And that's sort of been my attitude and I guess I probably, I've probably gone to five or six meetings a week since I started. And I find it just wonderful. I mean, I got to keep track of how everybody's doing. I want to see the new people that have come in and I want to see their progress and share in the joy that people are having as they move through the program. And so it's, I think that's really been a wonderful part of my sobriety. I've also, I don't know, you know, I don't know where this speaking thing got started, but we used to have probably 85% to 90% of the meetings were speaker meetings with two speakers. So just to fill the quota every year, everyone had to talk about eight times a year or maybe ten. So it was blah, blah, bla, blah. But I always thought speaker meetings were the best thing for new people because they They heard the whole package. They just heard, boy it was terrible and this is what I did and then I got here under these circumstances and now it's wonderful. And I still am a big fan of those which is why we started that Saturday night meeting and I just think we should have more of them. But anyway, that's where the speaker stuff got started and I don't know why or how but the next thing I'm over this town and out of state and then over here and over there. So that's given me sort of a wonderful look at AA around the world and all the states and to see the similarities and the differences. And basically it's really the same. I've noticed over the last 15 years I've been picking up on little differences, and you'd be amazed, number one, on what's red before the meeting. Well, we'll read the sports page and then we'll get on to the ... I mean, you know, I don't know where that stuff comes from. I think California started that. They started reading everything out there because the first 15 years I was in, you got up there, you just went, hi, my name is so-and-so, you read the preamble and you started the meeting. Just boom! Now it's just keeps going on. It's like the advertisement on the airplanes. You know, the announcements that the stewardess make. It used to be, fasten those damn seatbelts and we're out of here. Now it goes on. The government got in there and blah, blah, bla, blah. Don't forget to retie your shoelaces. You could trip on your way out and all that. So it's gotten bureaucratic is what I'm saying. These are my little things I've observed. the other differences are and these are very crucial where you pause in the Lord's Prayer as you travel around the country you're going to be the only one saying and then everybody else is pausing there and how to do a sobriety countdown you'd think we'd have that one figured out no, no, we've got a million ways of doing that but I think these are fun to see all these differences, different times that meetings start. I mean, I'm still trying to figure out how Tampa came up with 8-15. Has anybody else thought about those things? I mean everywhere else it's on the hour, on the half hour. Not Tampa. Probably if we went back, the people who started the first meeting over there worked until 8. Well, I can't get there till 8-16. Well, that'll be it. Fifty years later we're still starting meetings at 8.15, you know like wow if we don't we might get drunk. But anyway the constant thing is our literature and the program and the reason that it's I think it's so important to master this as you become a sponsor is so that the message that's being passed on is the same one that has worked for all these years, and it doesn't need improving. It doesn't need anything. It just needs to be learned and to be passed on. And so as I was driving over here, I was talking to my friend Paul, and we were, I said, I think I'll just try to come up with a day at a time. And this is just off the top of my head, so I'm going to, this is what I think. And I think when we're new, it's impossible to do that. I remember hearing that day at a time, yeah, yeah I like that. You know, like you could go home and shift in to a day at the time. And I remember the frustration of saying well, I'm just going to stay in the now and then stay up all night worrying about tomorrow. You know what I mean? And if you're new and you've tried this, you're probably having the same thing. You know, I understand that a day at a time, but man, you can't let your guard down. I owe that money. I better... I got this. They're looking for me. That knock at the door could be... fill in the blank. And so it's really hard to even conceptualize it a day and a half at a point in time. So I think in the beginning we just go, well, I'll eventually get to that, which is what happens. I mean, we can make a decision to live a day at a time. We can make the decision to do that. We can take a decision to live in the now but it isn't anything that can be accomplished through willpower. It's just not going to be done because the last thing that the ego wants to do is to live in the know. It's the drama queen our egos are the drama queen it's making up the story that we're believing and it's funny as I was brought up I was thinking back on going to church as a little kid and all the things that I was taught that are true that I listened to and decided couldn't be true because the rest of the time I was being told things on radio and television and advertising and people talking around that were absolutely in conflict with what this spiritual message was. And since this other message was being given ten times more often than the spiritual one, it's only natural that you would suddenly be over here on this side as we tried to figure out why we were so unhappy. it was clear that we were wearing Reeboks instead of Adidas and if I could get rid of these damn things and you know today we see kids they're spent $150 on a pair of sneakers and now I'll be somebody and it'll fix this stuff and and you know and the older we get I'm gonna get the Porsche and then I'll be this and then I'll be that. And so why are we driven to do all that? Well, some of it is the neighbors are doing it and all that but I think that there is an essential discomfort that comes with being a human being. And you're just not comfortable. And I came to realize after I got in AA that this is the separation from my higher power is causing this discomfort. But I don't identify it as that, but I'm trying to fix it. And so I'm listening to people. How do you get feeling better about yourself? Well, you've got to get a college education. You've got go over here. Become an athlete. Read a lot. Be smart. Eventually, money is the answer. I hate to tell you that, but that is, there's no way you can be happy and poor, so don't even think about that. You must. If you're going to get rid of that, it's driving you nuts inside, that secret discomfort in your stomach that just I don't know who I am, I don' know what, life doesn't make sense and all of that. After a while, it narrows down to money. It's just in that many words, that's it because that's the message we get. And then I never got much money, but I talked to guys who did, and they kept saying, it doesn't work. You get a lot of crap, but you still have the same thing. And so that was what was going on in my head and I suppose in a lot people's heads was how does one solve this discomfort? So it was something that was always going to happen. we were almost programmed to never be satisfied with the now. Advertisers wouldn't want us to be satisfied within now. You're happy in the now, you're not gonna buy anything. You follow what I'm saying? So I don't know about you but I was almost programmed always think of something I was going to work towards and then I would be happy. There was just this thing don't stop. You've got to keep moving towards your goal and then eventually, so it starts out, as soon as I get out of grammar school, I'm going to be cool. Well, then you get out of grammar schools and you go to high school and you're a freshman, you're nobody. Well, when I become a senior, when i get my letter in the sport, when im the lead in the play, then. And I don't know about you all, but I was just completely programmed to and then they lived happily ever after. It was never now, it was then. Well, you see how far that takes us from a day at a time. It's almost like you will fail if you get comfortable with what you have today. That would be considered a failure. Don't you understand? More is better down the road, and that's when you're going to get happy. I don't know. I just had this inside of me. It was very hard to break. It's very hard to stop that inertia from occurring on a regular basis. And then, of course, those of us who are alcoholic at some point in our young lives got a hold of alcohol, and this thing really worked. I mean, this was the equivalent of a spiritual solution because it really did transform us from the inside out. And I was very happy in the now for the first time with alcohol. You didn't see me at the bar, you know, having well I got to finish my drink and go home and plan for tomorrow night it was like the hell with tomorrow not this is the first time I've ever been free from all those rules about what I want this is great right here with my best friend who I just met because he has money and I don't and I remember I didn't realize why I was so happy to be in the now and the pressure was off and everything was just the way it was supposed to be and so it was my now what did we learn out of that we didn't learn it but as we look back we realized that it takes a power greater than ourselves to get in the now you follow what I'm saying vodka you know whatever it was but that was how you got in the Now and we called it having a buzz or whatever but we it was just so exciting we didn't want the moment we just wanted to keep it going I just want this to stay just like it is and see how long I can just stay in the glow or whatever it is. But it really was the now. We weren't thinking about the past. We werenít thinking aboutthe future. I remember going into the bar, I only had half the rent money, which was due tomorrow. And very worried about it all day until about the third drink and then Iím just like, ìHey, thatís tomorrow, man!î What am I doing worrying about the rent money? I mean, I can't pay it now. As a matter of fact, I'm going to spend the other half. So there was a... You remember that? There was a freedom of not having to care about the past or the future. It was just, hey man, I're in my favorite bar with my favorite people, the jukebox, the shuffleboard, that's it. That's it, and you know, the non-alcoholics and the people who don't drink, why are you so happy in there? And if what was happening to us was happening to them, they'd be in there. But it was a... So in a way, it was very transforming experience. We got a glimpse of something that we really wanted, and it became more important than anything else. Now I've never looked at it before as being in the now. I just seemed to come up tonight, but it really was. That was part of the effects of alcohol was to shed the burden that you carry around on your shoulder about the horrible things you did in the past and the terrible things that are going to happen in the future and what's going to happened to me. Somehow that was lifted away and we didn't learn how to do it. We didn't know how to that on our own. That was no technique. There was no way to think to have that happen. We just knew this stuff did it So all I had to do was take the steps That would ensure a supply of this power You follow what I'm saying? So that means you got to keep a job or get a gun But one way or another And the main part of this thing was a supply that never ran out of this power that enabled me to get to this very comfortable place when all of these things that harass me on a daily basis are removed. Doesn't that sound like it's out of the big book? You know, our problems are removed, they're not solved. And so there's a lot of parallels there with what was going on And the steps that I had to take, we could make up 12 of the drinking steps. You know what I mean? Keep your car running so you can get to the bar and park over here and have them save you a seat and have a tab, boom, boom. The jukebox and your friends and all of the things. But the main event was drinking. I mean, there was a lot of favorite things that I hade in a bar. I mean, talking and watching the football game or playing that shuffleboard, bowling. We had a bowling machine in Pensacola. I remember that. Remember those things with the shuffleboard? Boy, and I knew the whole night had all of these components, and maybe there was ten components that went into a happy drinking night. Well, I could get along with you taking away any of those components except one. You could take away the shuffleboard, you could take away the jukebox, you can take away some of my buddies coming in, but if you took away the drinking, the other nine meant nothing because the power to enjoy the other nine came from the drinking. And you see how essential this power was. Nothing was going to happen. I mean it's not fun to go into your favorite bar and hang out with your buddies and not drink some of us found that out after we got sober oh there's larry and brown yeah i'll just have a coke yeah hey guys this is the thing you're going this sucks what's missing what's messing it's my favorite place so what's mixing is the power to enjoy it that's what's missing you follow what I'm saying and so there were lessons that were being taught back then about getting in the now and staying there and all of that and they really transfer over into our program as I said when we first come in we understand it I understood it conceptually that, God, it would be a great thing to take this worry, especially about money. God, so many new people have that financial fear and knock on the door. Oh, you want the car? All right, off goes the car. It's just, oh, boy, what's going to happen next? So how do you not think about that? I mean, that would be crazy. That would be irresponsible. So you can't do it. My point is living in the now is going to take a while. And it occurs without trying for it. See, we just say live in the now, but you can't just do that. You can't decide to live in a now and just sit there and go, you know I've been worried all day about my doctor's appointment for this suspicious thing in my stomach next Tuesday. I think I'll not think about it. And you, I had something in a lump and I had to be down in Florida many years ago. I had this week I was down here. I'll tell you, I must have gone in the bathroom every 13 seconds. It's making a noise now. It's made a noise. It's being... When I got through with that thing, it was almost my whole body was... And then I went back, and I went to a different doctor. And he went, oh, that's nothing. And it stopped going bzzz immediately. But a week later, my hand went by it, and it went on an alarm again. So I'm in another appointment with the same doctor, and I just said this has got nothing to do with this it has to do with my head my head thinks it's buzzing again would you turn it off and he said okay there's nothing there and it stopped so when we have things like that you just go on a how are you ever going to stay in the now so it can't be done directly you know you see what I'm saying you just so that's where our steps come in The only thing that, when I start out talking, these are just my thoughts on this, that prevent us from being in the now all the time, which is what our true nature would be. If we just had a heart and it controlled us instead of this thing, we'd be in the Now all the Time. There would be no way to get out of the Now. We would just be in this moment of this appreciation of our higher power and of all the wonderful things around us, and that's all we'd be able to see and would just be there all the time. But the ego, the mind, only exists because it's making up a story. And the story can't be everything's fine in the now. It has to be bigger than that. And so the whole drama comes out. Hey, I just thought of something to worry about, guys. I want to call a huddle here. I know you were sitting there peacefully. And so we end up believing that this drama that is constantly running across our TV screen in our head is real. And it's very powerful to see that, that it's real, it's true. and we come in here and we go that's only half of a truth you are actually a spiritual entity and if you make the transition and the transformation that we call a spiritual awakening you will be more controlled by that side of you than this ego and you will be much closer to being in the now. And so that's the point of the steps. I'm trying to think of a sentence in the big book it's something about they always use the word sudden like in The Promises which suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we couldn't do for ourselves and And something of great moment is apt to occur. Great moment. In other words, right now. In this moment, something happens. So it's almost a leap of faith that is taken when we are confronted with these steps. that they are going to accomplish all of the things that we need for a happy life. I remember looking at that when I was new, and finally my sponsor pretty much had me convinced that they did. So I went back and tried to look at the steps with a different view, and nothing happened. I went black and looked at them with an open mind. I went back and looked at them as a person who was really going to try them. And nothing happened. I still could not see how this could possibly... Look at what's in there. Inventories, amends, sharing, confession, surrendering. boo-boo-boo. Where does the money come from? I mean, that was what I was asking. Okay, I'm there. I'm knocking. I am so sorry I blew your car up. Oh, thank you for coming by. Here is a million dollars. I mean, I just, so there was no way I could see anything by reading the steps and by believing them or anything. It's the same thing with alcohol. When I was 14 or 15 and I was afraid to go out and ask girls to dance, guys would hand me this. You want to dance? Drink it. now what if you had the same skepticism that we have about the steps oh I see I drink this I know how to dance is that it yep just from drinking this I Know How To Dance yep that's it that's it now what have you never drank in your life you're 80 years old and you're talking to some of your cronies you know when I was 14 some jerk told me if I drank this thing I'd know how to dance can you believe that he was trying to tell me that but all of us that picked it up hey you want to dance just went out but how could you see that in there how could what if you tried to think it through yeah that makes sense dancing it there's a that looks like a foot right here and And that looks like, you would never be able to see dancing lessons in that half pint of vodka. I don't care how long you looked at it. And that's my point about our program. You can't see it. It's just not there until you drink it or do it. And it is a, in fact, a program of action. But then when it works, most of us are absolutely astounded. I mean I heard that spirituality, pardon my French, I heard spirituality outside the Midtown group in Washington D.C., which is a young people's group and there's a 16-year old explaining to a 15-year-old in one sentence what spirituality was. I'm paraphrasing. He said, this crap works. And what he was saying is, this stuff that you look at that you can't possibly believe, when you do it, it really happens. And that's what he tried to pass on in that one sentence. This crap works! I remember this, maybe I told the story last time I was here. It's the same thing. It happens to me when I sponsor people and they get straightened out. And I go, how the hell did that happen? That guy was incurable. Even I couldn't believe the steps could help him. You know what I mean? And I've been watching it for many, many years. And he goes, and he's running the meeting and taking responsibility. And then I just go, my God, what is this? Anyway, Anyway, the story was the minister walking down the road and sees the 13-year-old kid or 12-year old kid and he's crying. I think I told it last year but you could pretend you didn't hear it. And he said, what's the matter? And he says, oh, I've got my algebra final tomorrow. I don't know algebra. Even with the textbook home open, I can't do the homework. I get zero on the questions. This stuff won't go in. I cannot. And my parents are going to be so upset, and that's why I'm crying. So the minister dug into his great deep spirituality, and he said, son, I'm going to tell you something. He said, if you go home and pray and summon all the faith you have and pray to pass that test, if you pray hard enough, you'll pass it. And the boy said, what? He said trust me. If you get the faith and you pray hard enough you will pass it, And a week later, he saw the kid and he said, well, how'd you do? And he said I can't believe it, reverend, but I did what you said. And I summoned every bit of faith and I prayed and I prayed all night and I passed it. And I'm so happy he went running off and the minister went, holy shit. Whoa. Whoa. Because we're looking at, we're dealing with a power greater than ourselves that is beyond anything we can imagine. And the closer we get to that power, the more threatened the ego is. Because the ego's in charge. The ego taps us on the shoulder. Hey, hey, hey. We've got problems. Let's sit down, man. Put the golf clubs down, baby. We got some serious stuff to think about there. They're talking about you at the club, aren't they? What am I going to do about it? Well, we're going to organize a campaign to get Fred. Oh, all right. All this stuff is going on now. The more we get over where we're recognizing the wonderful attributes of this power, the more threatened our existence is from the ego side. And we start getting backlashes. People will get stomach cramps. They'll get all kinds of things that are coming from the squeezing out of these old ideas and changing our mind, changing our minds. You know, Chuck wrote that great new pair of glasses. And you just spend the rest of your life, what else am I wrong about? When I say, what am I wronk about? What else did my ego tell me to keep control over me? You know... Nobody's sitting over there meditating. We've got problems. I mean, just think of that. What's that? I better go pay attention there. and this meditation was really wonderful, but I got more important things over here. I just got a phone call from my ego, and I better go pay attention to that. And that's the struggle back and forth. So in the beginning we take actions that we don't believe in, and we understand the value of trying to shed the burdens of the past and the future, but there's no real way to do it until we do the legwork. And when you think about it, we're inventorying, when we inventory character defects, we're inventoring burdens. That's what they really are. They are things that are dominating our lives. These instinctual drives that Bill writes about in the fourth step and the 12 and 12 were never intended to be the purpose of our lives. They were simply supplying us with the basic energy to be alive and reproduce and provide security, but there was a much greater purpose that was intended, but until these forces can be... something can be done about them, we're never going to have any peace and we're Never Going to Be in the Now. Now, without a higher power, as we think through what can I do about these instinctual drives for sex, security, and society, to quiet them. And the only answer we have is to satisfy them. It's over on the supply side because we realize we have no control over their demands. so we have to get more and eventually we'll pile in so much that we will finally achieve peace well the more you get the more they just can make up oh I was only kidding five million isn't enough it's ten okay and then you suddenly realize you can't get enough and the program said that's right you can never get there that way but we have a deal for you we have some steps that if you will take these they will put you in touch, they will open up a channel they will cause a spiritual awakening, a transformation and that power will reduce the demand so they're not bothering you I remember the first time I heard that I said well it sounds good in theory but I'm not sure I really want that It sounded so strange. You're going to reduce them so that a financial fear could be erased without any money arriving. And that seemed absolutely ridiculous. Or a sexual desire could be fixed with no sex. Or an insecurity could be fix without a bigger wall around my house. that this these could be removed that's what is done here and as you visualize the process of getting us in the now you can see what is happening all these events and pressures and drives that are taking us out of the now are being eliminated so we're not directly making a decision to get in the Now we're taking the actions that will bring us the power to cause that to happen. And it is a wonderful process. And as we go through it, and we all know what they are so I don't have to go through that of finding out what the standard drives are in me, everybody has the same ones, and those are the things that we're inventorying. Well, where are these drives causing me problems? Where am I getting in trouble? Where am treating people badly? And so we list all these things down and then we discuss them with someone. And at that point, we very often get very overpowered because the list is so big, it's so monumental, and you just feel like I'll never get this done. There's no way I could make all these changes. And we forget what we're dealing with here in the program. I tell new people, well, let's pretend that it isn't you we're going to inventory. Let's pretend it's your house. And most alcoholics haven't kept their house up too good. I remember when I'd go on a 12-step call with my sponsor and I'd say did you get the street number on the house here? And he said no, I didn't get it. But don't worry, we'll spot it." And you'd be driving down the road and you'd go, okay that's it. And you know what was out there? The car with two wheels off of it and a boat that hadn't been in the water in 30 years and just stuff and things falling off the side of the house and all that. So if we imagine that instead of ourselves, it's the house that we have to inventory. As you start inventorying it and you just go, God, the basement is leaking. I don't even know if the foundation, oh my God, a new foundation and then this. As your go through the house, you start getting exhausted. You don't feel like finishing the inventory because the amount of work is so much that you feel like quitting. And that's the time we come in and go, oh, I forgot to tell you. You're not going to do the work, a contractor is going to come in. You just do the list. Oh! Would that change your attitude? Really? I'm going back down the basement, I might have skipped something down there. And you'd just be listing everything there was. You know, the roof is...I've got to go back up there. The lawn needs to be changed. I mean, you'd be coming up with everything you could imagine. Well, that's what we want to do? Because we're not going to do the work. We're going to go over to steps six and seven and we're going ask our higher power would you please do all the work on this house? See what it says? It says we're entirely ready to have God remove defects. And then we humbly asked him. Now I'm not going into a talk on why that's so hard to do. But we could go around the room and just in casual glance, you're going to notice there's no perfect people here. We're perfectly sober, but all the rest of those character defects are still making themselves known from time to time. So they haven't been, so there's a great dilemma in becoming willing to have them removed. And guess who's responsible for that? the ego. You know what I'm saying? It's just going, now wait a minute. Wait a minute! I can understand you getting rid of your drinking, but are you sure? Are you sure you want to get rid of lust? All of it? Well, you know you got a point there. Maybe I should... and that's where we settle for as much perfection as will get us by. You remember that line in the 12 and 12? And so we spend the rest of our time in AA trying to get more willing, and more willing and more will and it's a real struggle. But that's a separate story. But as these things are removed, we are closer to the now. And we have a step that's the day-to-time step. It's really the now step and it is the tenth step. you can see to even make an attempt at having this happen, you have to at least get through nine and of course eight and nine settle with the past. It's very hard to live in 2005 just enjoying a wonderful Tuesday and drag all the baggage from 1995 to 2005 behind you, all the things that haven't been amended or we haven't gone back and dealt with. So this is a tremendous freedom after working on the defects themselves so that the instinctual drives can be lowered a little bit. Then comes the past, and the major effort, and at the end of that process there is this series of promises and you could look at those and see the now in every one of them. I mean it's just another way of looking at them fear of people economic insecurity will leave us well what does that do that here i am in the now and now because that eliminates worrying about the money over there and then if i go to church sunday and i'm not wearing the right thing and they're going to look at me and i've worried about them and all of that if that's just lifted out self-seeking will slip away well if that goes then what are you going to do? You're just going to sit there and enjoy the now. I don't have to seek anything. And finally it says we suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we couldn't do for ourselves. And this realization is an awakening of some sort. It's the best description of an awakening. In other words, it's an awareness. When we say awakening or awareness, this part of us has been there all along. It's been there since we were born. Bill talks about the higher power was born inside of us just like the idea of a friend was. It has been there all along but it has been blocked and St. Francis talks about opening up a channel so that this part if us can start to flow And as that happens, we're in the now. This can't happen unless we are, as Bill writes, undisturbed. And that becomes the magic word throughout the 10th step is undisturb becomes the highest priority of our lives. That is the new top goal. And in that state, we don't need any other goals. You follow what I'm saying? If you're absolutely comfortable and happy just the way everything is, then what are you planning for? Because, see, we were always planning for something better. And that's why I would set goals. Well, I'm going to get A, and then, and them, and then if I just had a hunting cabin, I'd be even happier than I am now. You follow What I'm Saying? And all of a sudden, I can't get any happier than I am now. I canít get more peaceful. This is truly where it is. Itís never in looking beyond this. And itís given. In other words, living in the now is a gift. It is a give. And we prepare ourselves for this gift by doing work that doesnít make sense. You follow what I'm saying? Would you repeat the instructions? I want to make sure I understand them. Huh? And then you're in the now, really? It'll never look like that but that's what happens. And so then we move to focus the now even sharper and that's where prayer and meditation are. We're going to take it and just get it down and down. Funny, Paul and I went today. There's a place we can go at noon for 20 or 30 minutes. And I used to go there all the time. And I just, you know, come on, Paul, let's see you and I. So we went over there. Nobody else was there. So we did the whole little routine ourselves. And I can't tell you what a transformation that had. I just walked out of there with that same feeling that somebody took a 100-pound bag off my shoulder and put it somewhere, and all I did was sit and listen to some lady on a tape. And she went on and on and talking. It sounded like program, even though it was church-oriented. It was just wonderful. And yet there's part of me that tries to discourage me from doing that. And, of course, that's my ego. It'll make fun of it. It'll ridicule it. It'll tell me I look like a jerk. You're sitting there with your mouth half open and you're just... What is that? You think that? I mean, you know, so... I just have to turn around and go, would you shut up? I'm getting wonderful results from this. I think I mentioned this the last time I was talking, but there's a great thing in the Carl Jung letter back to Bill Wilson that we don't normally talk about that seems very relevant here. He got through saying how happy he was that Roland got to AA from the Oxford Group and this wonderful movement got started and that he back in the 1920s couldn't freely talk about spirituality but he always you know young they said do you believe in god he said no i know there's a god who was beyond believing and that was because he was a psychiatrist who had thought all of this stuff through and it ended up that there had to be one and um so then he just threw this in. He said, you know, I've been working with people for 60 years or so and studying human beings, and I see the fundamental deal that a human being has on planet Earth is their struggle against evil. Now, we don't use evil in here. We say character defects. Their struggle against, we'll use evil for tonight, against evil, and then he said, and they always lose, and they always lose with one exception and here was the exception those that have a spiritual awakening but that was only half of it you could have a Spiritual Awakening and not make it the second half was they were in a society that helps them maintain that Spiritual Awakened sounds suspiciously like Alcoholics Anonymous or a church. That's why the community and the personal transformation have to go hand in hand. And so you and I are great contributors to each other living in the now. As I get disturbed and am out here, and you're not, you can pull me back and get me centered again. We don't change any events in order to get in the now, we just change our perspective. And that's really all it is. Chuck was right when he said a new pair of glasses. That is so true. And if you're new, this is what I mean by changing perspective because it's happened to you already and you probably didn't see it. You have the problem that everybody, that we all have. The sky is falling. That is, you know, we just looked out there and oh geez it really is falling so we call our sponsor. It could be falling at work, it could be following at home, it could be but anyway the basic message that I get from everybody I sponsor, the sky this time is really falling. I know last time it really wasn't but But this time it really is, and I want to talk about it. And so we get there, and we talk, and he goes, well, my boss... And I remember doing that to my sponsor, and my sponsor went, okay, yeah, yeah. But you know, you've got 90 days under your belt, you got a big team behind you, you You got a home group, you have people that will pick you up and get you to the meeting." And by the time he got through I said, well if you look at it that way, maybe the sky isn't falling. So the only thing that was changed was he helped me see it differently. And that's what contact with a higher power is. We just look. Do you remember what happened in the third drink? terrible world with all those things threatening whoo you remember the world as you walk through the day and then one two three hey man this is better this is more like it this is more you actually saw a happy world you saw people that weren't threatening and you just went wow this is wonderful what happened a power greater than yourself changed your perception of what was going on. So where am I in time? Am I at the end of the time yeah oh yeah yeah oh there's a clock huh yeah I got to the now well that was that's all I really wanted to say was that the process removes everything that keeps us from being in the now. It isn't like you can get there. You have to get rid of things in order for it to happen, and these things are lifted away by practicing these principles. A lot of them are lifted by changing our mind. What else am I wrong about? Oh, geez. Uncover, discover, discard is what Chuck's doing. What else Amai wrong about What else do I have the wrong opinion about? Gone, gone. All of those things keep us over there, over here, disturbed. Disturbed cuts off the flow. It would be like getting cut off in a bar. That's the last thing that can happen, you know what I mean? Whoa! I can sit in a corner, yeah, that's fine. I can't have my regular seat, but cut off means it's going to be a bad day. and being cut off from our higher power is disturbed and no way can you get in the now it takes a power to get there so if you're new you're going to have to trust the people to lead you down this path that you're not going to believe in and your job is to report back the results and I want to see your face the first time you get a glimpse of actually being in the now without alcohol, because I think you're going to be very pleased. Thank you all very much. applause