Rigorous Honesty and the Fourth Step – Big Book – Step Study – Part 2 of 2 – Local AA Speakers

seat bring your own coffee um we've got about 35 people in the room we may be having a few more come in luckily we're on we're coming up to page 62 because it explains why some people are still late to online meetings when we're in the comfort of our home i love it um either way it's all good right how it works so before in the doctor's opinion it said that the program of recovery described in this book so now we're going to talk about how the program works right rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path now we always talk about this right if you want to see more about the path of the first 100 you can read some other aa approved literature especially dr bob and the good old timers they were reading some other books right between 1935 and 1939 they were not reading how it works they were not reading the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, right? Those who do not recover, those who do not recovery are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. So if you're unable to be honest with yourself, you can't get this simple program, right. are such unfortunates they're not a fault they seem to have been born that way they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands right not not asking but demands rigorous honesty second time it's been mentioned in this one paragraph their chances are less than average there are those two who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. So three times this word honest is mentioned right here in this paragraph. I think throughout our basic text between honesty, honest, and honestly, I believe it's mentioned something like 60 times. So, you know, it's throughout this whole entire book, right? Our stories disclose in a general away what we used to be like what happened and what we are like now right so we all pretty much i mean have the same story yeah we all want to continue to talk about our stories like we're sort of unique or something right got to put our own little twist on things if you've decided you want what we have and you're willing to go to any length to get it then you are ready to take certain steps right so before you even i mean i don't i've heard i've read this almost like referred to as step zero right if you've decided you want what we have and you're willing to go to any length to get it are you you know do you want with these people in the book have you know i mean it's not it's what it's now a vyoc has right it's with the people in book have it's when we read on page 25 right the great fact and central fact do you know what they have you want to be rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence or you want to be asked how you're doing and you just hanging in there right one day at a time just just grinding away you know i mean if that's what you want then i mean just don't drink and go to meetings that'll work out for you and you're ready to take certain steps right 12 certain steps a simple program at some at some of these we bought i mean we see a lot of people come through if people are working with other people right you see people come in they're totally ready to go gun ho whatever it may be coming to meeting sharing like their life depends upon it then you bring up a four step and they use the side door right or they start talking about a nine step they've done four and we're going to read later if we don't do nine we're going to drink at some of these we bought we thought we could find an easier softer way but we could not right easier softer way not doing it getting a commitment doing 90 and 90 i'm doing 90 90 again because i got to reevaluate my program so i'm going 180 right then i'm doing three i mean it goes on and on the easier software sober bowling whatever it may be anything but we're going to talk about in a little bit but maybe if searching and fearless moral element or a decision. Let's just not get ahead of ourselves. With all earnestness at our command, we beg of you, right? The first 100 are begging us like a little kid in a candy store while he wants the candy on his knees, right, begging. We beg of You to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Stacey, what does nil mean? You're muted, but I think I saw you say nothing. I'm pretty sure I think I saw your answer. I saw how you say zero. Not a zilch. Nothing. You hold on to old ideas, you get nothing. Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful without help it is too much for us but there is one who has all power before in the agnostics we read that we had if lack of power was our dilemma and we had to find a power by which we could live then it says there's one i don't think they're talking about our sponsor or our wife or our kids or the dog, right? There is one who has all power. And actually they answer that question for us. That one, capital O, is God. That one is God, may you find him God now. We find God immediately before it says he tumbled out of bed and offered himself to his maker and a great revulsion, right? Came up and about and he hasn't had a drink. Half measures availed us nothing. So Stacey, if you do 50%, what do you get? 50%. Nothing. Half measures available to us, nothing, Stacey. We do 50%. We get nothing. Not 50. I mean we want to have – listen, if I do 75, I want to have all of it, right. That's what we think. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery. Now, you've read how it works and how many times in meetings. I'm not going to go through this. I will highlight the fact that God is mentioned nine times throughout the steps. You've got power, God, him, God-God-him, God him, his. right i will touch on the 12th step though because the 12 step is such a beautiful promise right having had a spiritual awakening as d the one result of these steps you go through the 12 steps you have a spiritual experience back on page 44 we read that if you can't limit the amount of drinks you take or when drinking sorry or when drink and get little control over the night you take right you're probably alcoholic that being the case you're suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience can conquer spiritual awakening spiritual experience in the back of the book right god consciousness um he's come to us when we go through the 12 steps and we try to carry this message out to other alcoholics and practice these principles that we learned We got the steps in all our affairs. Many of us exclaimed, what an order. I can't go through with it. Do not be discouraged. No one among us is able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. Recently I've been talking to Anthony about this, right? I hope that we never give off any kind of – what's the word I'm looking for? I hope dat we don't give off the idea like that we're like – we're not angels, right? I mean, we've recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I don't think about a drink anymore. But, I mean we're still a little crazy, right. We still want to play a little bit of God, you know, and we're growing in the image and likeness of our creator. Constantly looking towards him. We're definitely 100%, not saints at all. That's why we got a 10-step, right? The point is we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Now I hear a lot of people say progress, not perfection. Quoted out of the big book, it's spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection um i don't know if those people still have a little bit of prejudice against the whole spirituality thing or not that could be a discussion for the side but it is spiritual progress rather than spirit spiritual perfection our description of the alcoholic so basically from the doctor's opinion to page 43 right bill story has a little bit of the steps in it but he talks a lot about alcohol you know they're talking about step one right um we hope that you see that you're just as hopeless as bill and that nearly all have recovered right our description of the alcoholic so again the allergy the mental you know the mental twist that leads to a first drink control um all these things right our prescription of the alcoholic the chapter to the agnostic so we agnostics in our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas the adventures before and after you've got bill's story and you've also got um stories in the back of the book especially dr bob alcoholics number three um make clear Three Pertinent Ideas so first pertinent idea a is that we were alcoholic and we could not manage our own life. So just by a show of hands real quick or by the thing, is everybody here a real alcoholic? All right, so we got everyone's here a alcoholic. Keep those hands up. Is everyone here able to manage their own life? All right. So we've got hands down, thumbs down. So we're convinced of idea number error, idea A, right, that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. So are we still convinced that a job, money, people, feelings, right? The dog, all these things. Are we still convince that these are going to relieve our alcoholism? I don't see any hands up. All right. So number two or two out of three and that God could and would if he were sought. So are мы convinced that God can solve our problem? Right. If we're not convinced, it says being convinced of this. So if we're Not Convinced of A, B, and C, we're not at step three. But if we are convinced of This, then we're at step three, that's what it tells us. So we're going to play a little game. How about Cindy from Orlando? Do you have a pen and a pad of paper? Do you Have a Pen and a Pad of Paper? Can you count any time where the word self pops up? You're going to mark off how many times it's in here. And then who can we get to do some counting? What's that? What page are we looking at? So we're on page 60. Okay. We just finished. We're going be at being convinced, and any time I read off like self or self or selfish or self. It comes up a lot. Maybe self. It comes out more than once. You're going to put a little mark down. And then also, who else is in here that hasn't done the little game before? How about How about and? S. You cool with that? So you're going to count all the times that god is mentioned and it's going to come in the form of him god he uh father director maker um all these times where that pops up you're gonna count all the times it says god and uh we're gonna we're going to see who we're going to see who comes out on top all right so we're all convinced of a b and c right so being convinced of ab and c we were at step three which is when we decided right a decision is what we're doing in step three to turn our will and our life so our thinking and our actions over to god as we understood him. Just what do we mean by that and just what do we do? The first requirement is that being convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis, we are almost always in collision with something or somebody even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show and forever is trying to arrange the lights the ballet the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way if only his arrangements if his arrangements would only stay put if only people would do as he wished the show would be great everybody including himself would be pleased life would be wonderful so right so as alcoholics We want to play. We want to be the director when we should be the actor, right? Everyone should be doing whatever they should be doing around us and we want to control and have an input on every little thing that goes on and everything would be awesome right? It's going to tell us that we're maybe a little deluded in that Everything would be awesome if people would do as we wished Life would be wonderful in trying to make these arrangements Our actor may seem quite virtuous he may be kind considerate patient generous even modest and self-sacrificing on the other hand can i just interrupt for a minute what's selfish part what am i supposed to highlighting in the game i mean i know somebody else is doing it but i want to do it too so you're gonna so so it's basically we're having like a little battle between god and self So anytime you're going to see self, selfish, basically where it says self, self-will, self propulsion, self pitying. Anytime where it's a self centered, you'll have a little hash mark and we'll do a little count up. All right. Cool. All good, Debbie. So quite virtuous, on the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. Right. Remember, we're trying to get our way. So on the outside, we're trying to play the good guy. But underlying, we have our own little motives. But with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits. What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be. Still, the play does not suit him. Admitting he is somewhat at fault, never fully to blame, only somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, and self-pitying. What is the basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? So even when we're trying to do the right thing, right? When we're tying to be nice people, there's an underlying motive that we want our way. I don't know if anybody relates to that. I'm putting my hand up. I relate to that, right. I always want to have my own way. What is the basic trouble satisfaction? Sorry. What is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim? Right. I think it's Scott Lee. Scott Lee says it. victims don't get sober um is he not a victim of the delusion that he can rest not r-e-s-t but w-r-e st which is like wrestle right if he can wrestle satisfaction out of the world only if he manages well right only if we're in control is it not evident that evident that all the rest of the players to sorry is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants and do not his actions make him and do not his his actions, make them wish to retaliate snatching all they can get out of the show. Is he not even in his best moments of a is a producer of confusion rather than harmony, right? I mean we're pushing our will on so many people that they're just trying to get their own piece of the pie right because they're so fed up with the way we're trying to run things our actor is self-centered egocentric as people like to call it nowadays he's like a retired businessman who lulls in the florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation the minister who sighs over the sins of the 20th century the politicians and reformers who are sure all would be utopia if the world if the rest of the world would only behave right so utopia is an imagined state of like bliss right only if everyone would do everything right around us we'd be in this fantasy world of happiness right and that chasing that utopia is our higher power that's what it's pointing out to us the outlaw safecracker who thinks society has wronged him and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up what even our protestations are the most of us not concerned with ourselves our resentments or our self pity all right so can i get a count up and what do we have on god right now two two all right so then self must only have one uh what does self have 10 whoa that's not right anyone want to place vets who's gonna win self or god i'm hoping i'm helping self wins because i'm i'm a man that's ran on self right i want to be the one in control hold on anthony i thought i thought this thing was about drinking no it's about having a relationship with god they tricked us oh man wait hold on but selfishness and self-centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles so drinking's not our trouble will you no selfishness and self centeredness even gail like even gale from connecticut gale all right that's good and i don't know if you guys ever know it i mean i'm not going to get too far into science but if you ever look at a tree right and if you got a big tree that has big old branches and it's beautiful its root system is deeply deeply embedded in the ground right these things are all the way deep in and they're holding from wind and snow and and and all kinds of things it sways back and forth it's not easy to knock down right so deeply embedded us the root of our troubles is selfishness and self-centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles. Driven. Anybody ever take a taxi cab before? I show hands. Anyone ever take a taxi? All right, we got a few hands up. So when you're in a taxi cabin, you're like not in control, right? Driven by a hundred, not one, a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self seeking and self pity. We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us. seemingly without provocation, seemingly because we're self-delusional. We will delude ourselves to a truth that we believe, right? But we invariably find at some time in the past we made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So when we're hurt, it aroused out of ourselves. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves. The alcoholic is an example of self-will run riot. I don't know if anybody watched the news in the last couple weeks with all this crazy stuff going on. There's been some riots. They've been out of control. Self-will runs riot. You can't even control it and you're driven. driven by something you can't even control and there's a hundred forms of it so once you go through a fourth step right or let's say you identify 25 fears right Stacy how many more fears do you have left after that she can't unmute herself I have a feeling she's gonna to say 75 right 25 minus or 75 sorry 100 minus 25 is 75 right if we're driven by a hundred forms of fear and we get some of them there's things that are going to pop up in our life we didn't even know we have right um self-will run riot though he usually doesn't think so again remember we're driven by self-delusion above everything so hold on a minute wait a minute made a bit zoe is there anything more important than this right here if it's above everything there's like nothing more important in that right i think zoe said no i'm pretty sure she said no right so above everything so we above everything like there's nothing more important that we need to do we must and i don't see the word it suggests it says we must rid ourselves of this selfishness not of the drinking, of selfishness. We must or it kills us as in like dead and we can't be selfish anymore. God makes that possible, right? The one who has all power makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without his aid. So on our own, it's impossible for us to get rid of itself, right. It says that what did say i mean a few pages ago it told us that we're going to exert ourselves more right when things don't go our way we're gonna try to we're trying to try to push our way even more um there often seems that we can resolve many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to right we want to do the net right the next right thing. I want to be a nice guy, right? I'm telling you, listen, I want to be saint. I really do but I don't have the power to do it, right. Moral and philosophical convictions galore. Good orderly direction is a philosophical and a moral conviction. I'm sorry to break it to you, right, because if good orderly Direction is a thing, right who's the one thinking of good orderly direction we're the ones playing that we're the one playing god um but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing it away and trying on our own will we had to have god's help hold on a minute i get a tally up on a score real quick what do we got for uh what do we have for god right now okay it looks like we're up to one two three four five all right we're picking up a little speed here though sydney what do we got 21 oh man actually we're not doing anything this is bad hold on i got a feeling we're gonna hit a grand slam pretty soon william hold on i want to place a wager on self to win there we go where's this where's the wager i just called my bookie i'll be right back you just called your bookie what's the over it's god himself has to win it's up by so much i'm just gonna bet my whole life savings on all or nothing okay all right bye this is the how and why of it first of all we had to quit playing god it didn't work right anybody ever play god put two hands up i may put a foot up right it didn't work how'd that work out for you for real come on next we decided that hereafter in this drama of life god was going to be our director look at all the capital words coming up these all count for you and he is the principal we are his agents he is the father we are his children most good ideas are simple and this concept right so the concept that God is going to be in charge God's gonna be the director we're giving up our thinking and our actions to God that we're his children he's the principal right most good idea ideas are simple. This concept was the keystone, right? A keystone. So many times there are structural mentions in this book, a keystone when cut just right, it's in an arch. And if it's not cut right, It slides through and the whole thing falls in on itself. So the fact that if you have a belief and we're turning everything over to God, that's the triumphant, sorry, that is the keystone of a new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. So freedom from self-will, from a bondage of self. When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. So when God's going to be the one in charge, right? Something remarkable happens. We had a new employer. I don't know about anybody. Has anybody lost some work due to what's going on lately i don't know anybody been no i see i'd still have a few hands go up you got everyone's you know everyone's got a job everyone has a job right now we have a new employer being all powerful like all the power as in like we don't have any power being all-powerful He provided, God provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well. Just like a little bit of candidness and looking to William. I was unemployed for a bit, and all we were doing was this stuff. And I was like, not that I don't want to say that. I mean, I was never happier, like legit. And all we did was stick close to Him. I had a lot of time to pray and a lot OF time to hang out with God. and then he got to be able to do his work. Got to work with all these people, all the beautiful people that we have on here, 51 people on here doing his work and he's providing everything you need, right? If you stick close to him and perform his work well. Established on such a footing. A footing is a foundation. Now by a show of hands, who wants a foundation built on sand? Stacey, put her hand down quick. How about a foundation built on stone? Where it's unshakable, an unshakble foundation. Established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves. That's like the opposite of page 62, right? Our little plans and designs, more and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute, right. Anybody ever been a taker in life? I've been a takeer. I was a takER for a long time. All I want to do is give to people now. and when i'm taken i don't feel too hot see what we can contribute to life as we felt new power flow in so whatever you feel right i mean um russell always talks about it but it's in it's alcoholics number three right uh bill dotson sitting on the bed he saw other people in aa he says there's something i haven't got there's nothing more to sobriety right um there's something that people have that I don't have. A new power. There's something else that you can get that's just mere sobriety, right? New power flow in as we enjoy peace of mind, as we discover we could face life successfully. We became conscious of his presence. We began to lose fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter. We were reborn. So listen, I'm not taking anything away from anyone that's living one day at a time right but it tells us here that when we take such a position in trusting and relying upon god we lose fear of today tomorrow and the hereafter right we're reborn we have something to rely upon that has all power is that a promise william that is a promise right now we are now at step three many of us said to our maker to god as we understood him again right such a beautiful beautiful program that we have here because my god is completely different from anthony's is different from gail's is separate from lily's from cindy from zoe from dave from donna from mere from malt from roy from jan from sherry From Ty, from God, everyone, to a God that as you understand him, right, that makes sense to you. If a doorknob makes sense for you, by all means, that's cool, right? But were you created by a dooknob? Be honest, right. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who have not recovered are people who can't be honest with themselves. Be honest with yourself, right . God, I offer myself to thee. God, I offer my soul to you to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of thy bondage of self that I may better do thy will. God's will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, God's power, thy love, God's love, and thy way of life. Right? God's way of wife. may i do thy will always may i do god's will always right um we thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly this is not like bill's not mincing words here right i mean you could you could get up and you could run the show yourself and um you know you can live a life of quiet desperation or you could constantly be looking towards him and know that you're in the constant care of god um you Know with the fear of today tomorrow and the hereafter gone right that we can at last utterly abandon ourselves to him we found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person there's like 50 understanding people here such as your wife best friend or spiritual advisor but it is better to meet god alone than with someone who might misunderstand so again you could do this however you want um if you want to do it on your own by all means do it in your bathroom lock the door you wouldn't want anybody walking in on you while you're on your knees giving your life to god that would be embarrassing right um alone as you may understand him the wording of course was quite optional again i mean what a beautiful program we have right not only do you get to pick your own god but you get to pray to him and to offer yourself to him in whatever words you choose as long as the wording as long sorry it was quite optimal as long as we express the idea voicing it without reservation as in like we're gonna pick the reins back up and do as we want right this was only a beginning right so step three is only a beginning and i mean we read it before um i want to say it was i forget exactly who it was in there is a solution right he made a beginning they got him step one he came back right people can drink after they do step three it's going to tell us when we're going to do step four but uh voicing it without reservation this is only the beginning though when though if honestly and humbly made on effect sometimes a great one was felt at once like immediately as in i'm getting on my knees right now to do the third step because that's how the book tells us or at least That's how the guy in Wiagnoski tumbles to his knees, and he humbly offered himself to his maker. And if you read Dr. Bobbin, The Good Old Timers, right? If you didn't make the third step in the hospital room on your knees, you gave your life up to God in an old-fashioned prayer circle in the upper room of T. Williams' house. So if anybody wants to get on their knees and do the third set, everyone's coming off a mute. We'll all do the first step together, and we're going to start prepping for four. I believe everybody is unmuted, so we're going to start at God, I offer myself to be. so what a beautiful beautiful beautiful thing right 50 of us just took the third step together right we've all offered ourselves to god and now it's going to tell us that in 30 days we launched out on a course of vigorous action right oh no sorry wait no my book says oh no it says next like if you guys you guys ever watch a really good action movie and then right when things are about to climax you turn it off all right or you're reading a really great good book and then you close the book and you're like yeah i'll finish that week no right here It's not even like a chapter end. Right. It's not wait 30 days. It is not a step a year, it's next. Right? Actually you got two choices I'll show you the two choices. Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action. The first step in which is a personal house cleaning which many of us never attempted though our decision step three was vital and crucial. So everybody does Does everyone want to live? I don't want to die. We're going to die eventually, but I want to died today. A vital and crucial step. We took step three for life. It could have little permanent not one day at a time, not temporary permanent effect unless at once. Actually, you got three choices of when to do the first step. You got next at once and anywhere in between. so next or at once right followed by a strenuous effort to face and rid ourselves of the things which had been blocking us blocking us from who blocking us from God right we're ridding ourselves of the things that have been blocking us from God our liquor right liquor was a symptom the symptom of the spiritual malady alcohol is not the problem it says right here we had to get down to the causes and conditions therefore we started upon a personal inventory that which was step four a business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke taking a commercial inventory as a fact finding in a fact-facing process it is an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade one object is to disclose damaged or unsaleable goods to get rid of them promptly without regret right so if you have a store and you are selling milk and the milk is all sour no one is going to buy the milk from you right no one's going to want to buy this sour milk and if you had regret about throwing the sour milk away right why do you regret just throwing something away that you can't use We're going to get down to the causes and conditions of the things which are unsaleable, right? And we're goingto get rid of them promptly. Like immediate – not like we're gonna prey on these things for 30 days. Not any – it's like immediately, right, one object, sorry. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about the values. So again, honesty, right. That's what we're looking at. We did the exact same thing in our lives. We took stock – oh, there's that word again. And honestly, first we searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure. We're going to see this in the fourth column. I'm going to bring up the – we used a packet that was brought on by my grand sponsor. But it's basically – it's like a condensed – it would be a really – if you want to bring somebody through the steps in a few hours, it basically takes like sort of all the stories and jim and fred and stuff out and it's a really really easy way to go through the steps quickly but um it breaks down four step into five columns three lists where your harmful conduct and your sex inventory are combined um and anything that's anything that in it it's like basically it can it'll show you exactly where it shows you exactly where in the book that they're reading from but I'm going to show you this list in a few minutes therefore we started upon a personal inventory honestly first being convinced that any life sorry, being convinced that self manifested itself in various ways is what had defeated us we considered its common manifestations resentment is the number one offender right? not alcohol resentment is the number one offender it destroys more alcoholics than anything else even alcohol right from it from resentment stem all forms of spiritual disease for we had not only been mentally and physically ill we had been spiritually sick when the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physical in dealing with resentments we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions, or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angered. In most cases, we found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt. Another word for angry or threatened. We were so, we were sore. Another Word For Angry. We Were Burned Up. another word for angry so the resentments list is an angry list right that's what we're talking about who are we angry why are we hungry at people institutions ideas right and we explain it a little bit in column two then we start looking at columns three four and five um and it says right here right on our grudge list on our angry list we said opposite each name our injuries was it our self-esteem our security our ambitions our personal relations including sex that's not what it says there but usually on the uh in our in the thing that we use um you'll see i'll show you in a minute but each had been interfered with we were usually as definite as this example so just want to point out mrs jones has the most words in the cause column it's 18 words it's recommended you know it says that we were definite as this example so i would the way that i've been i was taught to lay out the four step the easiest way is to go straight down each column right name every person you're resentful at boom then go the cause boom the whole list then go effects and you're going to start to see patterns right we went back through our lives nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty again there's that word when we finished we considered it carefully the first thing apparent was that the world and its people were often quite wrong to conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us got the usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed angry sometimes it was remorse and then we were angry at ourselves. The more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win our moments of triumph or short-lived, right? So we're angry at people, we're going to push ourselves hard on other people, then we're gonna think we're gonna win, and we just seem to be worse off than we started, right. A life which includes deep resentment, right? Deep anger leads only to futility and unhappiness. I mean, later on in the book on page 151, it says that, um, right now, and then a serious drinker being dry at the moment, feel good, look good, having a better time. If he's unhappy about his sobriety, he's going to want to take six drinks and not tell anybody about him, right. Get away with it. um happiness is so so key right you can definitely have a lot of time under your belt and still be unhappy i've been there before um to the precise extent to these to the to the concise extent do we permit these do we squander the hours which might have been worthwhile anybody ever squander hours anybody ever think about the time that could have been worth while you think about a resentment and then you're just basically you're thinking about how it could have Been different what could have been done different. If I only did so-and-so different, my life would be this way. Yada, yada, whoop-de-whoop, right? But with the alcoholic whose hope is in the maintenance and the growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely great. Bill is like already prepping us for the 10th step, right, maintenance and growth. That's what we talk about step 10 right the hope is in the maintenance and the growth of a spiritual experience i'll be honest with you they're riding a pink cloud for like two years right people say you come off the pink cloud you it's the hopeness in the the maintenance and the grow up and the spiritual experience of a spiritual experience you can grow and maintain right and continue to have a spiritual experience for the rest of your life right we found sorry business of resentment is infinitely grayed another word for death we found that it is fatal another word for death when harboring such feelings when being angry we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of God from the sunlight of the spirit the insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again and with us with the real alcoholics to drink is to die another word for death. If we wanted to, if we were to live, right? So only if you want to do this to be like alive, right, we had to be free of anger, the grouch and the brainstorm. So basically thinking and mulling over the past and all these things, right. The grouch in the brainstorm were not for us, especially with anger, right.? They were the dubious luxury of normal men, but for the alcoholic, these things are poison and if you drink poison it results in death right well you may ask a quick question what happened at the fight like right from the beginning of the book and then you just said it like 74 times it says death death death die die die poison poison poison die death right why do we get so surprised when people die in a.a why do we get why do you make meetings about whoever died rob loves this right but what happens when someone dies william we go right back self would win if we were at that meeting oh my god i can't believe they died i can they were my favorite person in a right it all becomes about but like we get shocked that everybody dies it says in the book a million times if you're real alcoholic and you don't do this you'll die right william am i right or wrong i mean we've been absolutely many times it says die die die di di di die di die all right that's all i have i mean he had two choices that we already made before right to be doomed an alcoholic death or to live along a spiritual basis and so that means if you stop doing the spiritual work you're headed to be doomed and alcoholic death your choice my choice every day right are you running the show or are you doing the work i often choose running the show right but if you guys are in the midst of doing the word don't stop just do it do it bye um we turned back to the list so anybody ever hear when you do a four-step you burn it anybody ever heard that before i see a few hands go up right here it tells us that we turn back to the for it held the key to our future right so just a heads up you do the resentments list Your fears list and your harmful conduct list are hidden inside your resentments list. We're prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world, that it's people really dominated us in that state, the wrong doing of others fancied or real. Remember we're driven by self delusion had the power to actually kill again. Death. Anthony talks about death, death, death, right? The book talks about death. William, can I quote Scott Lee really quick? Quote him. It says fancied or real and he said it so I'm just quoting him. He says, so some of the shit I made up. Some of the shit that's on here I made in my own mind. It's not even real. Right? And I ran with it for years. Resentment kills by so we turn back to the list for hell to keep the future fancy real how can we escape we saw that these resentments had to be masters and mastered but how we cannot wish them away any more than alcohol this was our course we realized that people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick though we did not like their symptoms they and end the way they disturbed us they, like ourselves, were sick too. So, I mean, the four-step has this beautiful way of leveling the playing ground, right? Where basically you see the people on the Resentments list and, you know, you sort of put yourself in their position. Have I ever done things that I've been harmed? Have I every done that to anybody else? And we're looking at things from an entirely different angle. We ask God to help so when we don't have the power, we go to the one who has all power. We prayed for help to show us the same tolerance, pity and patience we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended, we said to ourselves, so if there's someone on the resentments list, now we can't start to look at it from an entirely different angle. Right? This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God, save me from being angry. Thy will be done. God's will be gone. Right? God, saved me from getting angry. um the sick man's prayer we avoid retaliation or argument anybody like to argue or retaliate oh boy we wouldn't treat sick people that way if we do we destroy our chance of being helpful we cannot be helpful to all people but at least god will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view to each and every one, right? Still sometimes I still hear in the rooms on open discussion meetings, right, when they're talking about so-and-so and they're angry and they can't be tolerant and somebody comes home for Christmas and all these things, right. It says that God's going to show us how to be tolerant to all these people. Hold on a minute. We still can't burn the four-step people because referring to the list again putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done we resolutely looked at our own mistakes so this is where the fourth column comes in right where have we been selfish dishonest self-seeking and frightened there's a few more choices on the packet we use it's really listen i don't know if people haven't done the four step before this is the easiest most simple fastest fun four-step you will ever do it's so simple there's so many people that have testimonies of how simple this four-stepp is right where we selfishly though a situation had not been entirely our fault we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely where were we to blame the inventory was ours not the other man's it's so easy to take someone else's inventory, but we're resolutely looking at our own mistakes. When we saw our faults, we listed them. Character defects, welisted them. Column four, we placed them before us in black and white. Now listen, if you got some people that still want to run the show, by all means, do your four step on black paper with white ink. but it tells us to do it in white and black on black and white right I mean obedience for following directions right can't fail um placed it before us in black and White we admitted our wrongs honestly and we were willing to set these matters straight right so willing to set these matter straight those already prepping us pretty much for eight nine but also it's for the fifth column, right? What could we have done better? What can we have done with God's help? Basically, right. Character defects, shortcoming. He didn't want to say character defects twice, Bill. I mean, shortcoming what you fell short on showing. If you have anger, you fell sort on showing love, i.e. shortcoming, right notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the word of their alongside Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer and the wife. This short word somehow touches every aspect of our lives. It was the evil and corroding, like when rust, when metal corrodes, it gets rusty, right? The evil and corroding thread, the fabric of our existence was shot through with it, right. I don't know if you guys have ever seen your grandmother knit or somebody knits in your family, right, if you knit, it's like one piece of string and if fear is the evil and corrosive thread and the existence of your life is shot through with fear if you snip that one piece of thread the whole sweater comes apart right so your whole entire life has been knitted with fear right the existenceof our fabric of our existence was shot through it set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve but did not we ourselves set the ball rolling so again the people that cause these fears right the circumstances that arose out of them we caused them but did Not We Ourselves set the ball rolling sometimes we think fear ought to be classified with stealing it seems to cause more trouble we reviewed our fears thoroughly we put them on paper even though we had no resentment in connection with them we asked ourselves why we had them was it because self-reliance failed us right at this point self is pretty bad right it's the root of our troubles it's lost to god we've given everything up to god right we've made a pact with him we're going to go through this work self-reliance was good as far as it went but it didn't get far enough some of us once had a great had great self-confidence but it didn't fully solve the fear problem or any other when it made us cocky it was worse now perhaps there is a better way we think so for we're now on a different basis a basis of trusting and relying upon god we trust infinite like forever on there's no amount that you can count right infinite god rather than our finite selves we are in the world to play the role he assigns just to the extent that we do is he would have us we humbly rely upon him does he enable us to match calamity with serenity right so there's the fifth column right there too right anywhere where you have anger you've got love anywhere where you've got fear, you've got faith or you've got lust. You've got purity where you've got trying to think of other things, right? Dishonesty, honesty. He enables us to match calamity with serenity through his power. We never apologize for anyone for depending upon our creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is a weakness is a way of weakness. Paradoxically, is it a way of strength? the verdict of the ages is that faith means courage all men and women of faith have courage they trust their god i don't know why this says this twice because we just read it before we never apologize for god right two times in the same senate in the same paragraph it tells us that we're never going to apologize for god right we never apologize for depending upon our creator we never apologize for god i mean two times it tells us right instead we let him demonstrate through us what he can do again right anything that comes out of us like especially i speak for myself anything that comes out to me right that's remotely like stable or or like has has my stuff together or whatever it may be right spirituality especially right anything that seems spiritual to me is is literally it's it's god demonstrating through me what he can do we ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention of what he would have us be at once like again immediately we commence to outgrow fear so we humbly rely upon him we're always turning towards him right all men of faith have courage and we're never apologizing for god we're again it's like you know we we gave it all up to him um and we're looking towards him for the power right now now about sex many of us needed an overhauling there above all we tried to be sensible on this question it's easy to get way off track here you have human opinions human opinions running to extreme absurd extremes perhaps one set of voices cry that sex is a lust of the lower nature, a bare necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex, who bewail the institution of marriage, who think most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think that we do not have enough of it or that it isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow no flavor for his fare. The other would have us on a straight pepper diet. I don't know about anybody else, but in AA, right? People are managing a lot of people's lives, man. You know, who you can date if you can't date, right. No, no, all this dating, don't do this. Don't do that. The next, the next line says, we want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. Why? Because we all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't, but what can we do about them, right? We reviewed our conduct over the years past. Were we selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Now again, when four-step that we have written up, and again this is not our four-steps. This is from, it's like a big book sponsorship guide that we use that just breaks down very, very, very simply. But it clumps harmful conduct with sex, right? And these are the questions that we're asking, right, where have we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault? What should we have done instead? We got this down on paper and looked at it. In this way we tried to shape a sound and sound sex ideal for our, or sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test, right? Including sex. Was it selfish or not? I mean, did you steal anybody's time? Did you steal people's peace of mind? Did your hang out at work all day and steal time when you're on your phone, right where you're cutting out of work early, whatever it may be, right? How do we harm people? That's all we want to get down to. And how can we amend these things, right. We ask God to mold our ideas and help us live up to them. We remember that always our sex powers were God given and therefore good neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised or loathed. Whatever our ideal turned out to be we must be willing to grow towards it we must be willing hold on i thought roy i thought we were on step four dude right here it's talking about amends already dude we must me willing to make amends where we had done harm provided we do not bring still more harm in doing so again we're on step four and bill's already talking about eight and nine right we continue to do this stuff continue continue continue later you just do it all over and over again that's why i mean why not get through the steps as quickly as possible and then live in 10 11 and 12 for the rest of your life right in other words we treat sex as we would any other problem in meditation we ask we pray to god what we should do in each specific matter the right answer will come if we want it again not our sponsor, right? We're not calling. Again, we hear so many things. How many times you go to a meeting and we hear call your sponsor, sponsor this, sponsor that, call him, call for this, call for that, caller for this caller for that. Right. If you got a problem, bring it to a meeting, dump it on the problem, go home. You're free. Right here. It tells us to ask God. God's going to be the one. Right? God alone can judge our sex situation or situation. Right counsel with other persons is often desirable because you're going to find the person that is going to co-sign your bs right that's what we do we will find the right answer no matter what but we let god be at the final judge we realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose we avoid hysterical thinking or advice again we're not looking for humans to give us advice suppose we fall short on the chosen idea and stumble does this mean we are going to get drunk some people tell us so but this is only a half truth it depends on us and our motives if we are sorry for what we've done and have an honest there's that word again desire to let god take us to better things we believe we will be forgiven and we have learned our lesson if we are not sorry you're quite sure to drink right i've seen many people get involved in some relationships that were harmful and uh they're drinking right i mean that's just the truth i'm sure everyone has their own little story about that and i mean just look at anything else right if you're going to continue to harm people, right? I mean, if liquor is but a symptom, we're getting down to causes and conditions, right, we've done a lot of things we weren't proud of, and liquor was our higher power, and it made us feel okay with the things we did, right. We're not theorizing these are facts out of our experience, again, first 100, right wrote this book, um, a lot of experience with this stuff, right revolutionary things. To sum up about sex, we earnestly pray for the right ideal for guidance in each questionable situation. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves and quiets the imperious urge. When to yield would mean heartache. When did not do this stuff would mean to drink. If we've been thorough about our personal inventory, we've written down a lot. We've listed and analyzed our resentments. We'd begun to comprehend futility and fatality. We've commenced to see the terrible destructiveness, right? Death, futility, fatality, destructiness, death. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience, and goodwill towards all men, even our enemies. We look at them as sick people. We ve listed the people we ve hurt by our conduct and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. Again, prepping us for eight nine looking at the fifth column how can we do these things right in this book you read again what that faith again and again that faith did for us what we cannot do for ourselves we hope you're convinced that now god can remove whatever self will block you off from him now again this is more for once we've written a four step if you've made a decision and an inventory of your gross of handicaps you've a good beginning you've swallowed and digested some chunks of truth about yourself. So in the book written, that's four, right? We've gone through three. We're prepped for four on the screen. I'm going to bring up basically this four step list. Um, if anybody does not have it, please email. I already see some people sending emails for the fourth step I'm gonna pull this up for you guys and I'll show you exactly of course it's not up sorry I'm behind the ball um William why are you bringing that up I just want to tell everybody something really quickly the fourth step is easy easy easy and easy easy easy right we had who did that the other day for us somebody sent me right after we went through this thing like an hour and a half later they sent it to me who is that you know who you are come on was it a Canadian lady I think there's a lady Debbie right wasn't it Debbie I wish it was it wasn't Debbie hold on who was it I think it's gonna be Debbie that's what you're talking about yeah it's probably debbie i just got here man oh it was uh it was um what's her name um is she on this today i don't see anthony you want to you want to go through this real quick jen from alabama no we did it a long time ago but she I'm just saying this thing takes so little time to do and I'm just going to fill in this chart. So William's about to put up the chart. Is it going to be like a link? No, we can email it to you. Just put your emails in there. we'll get it out so it's part of like a 30 page pack you could print it from there it's pages 13 14 and talking right way yeah yeah I'll print the whole package I want that they go yeah I'm gonna really quick guys the first column is people and print institutions and principles towards who you are angry so you're going to go down the first column and write everybody's name joe mary my mother my father my my boss the guy who cheated on me the girl who cheated it on me this one that way you put all them down then you do the second column who's got that background noise help us out um you're gonna put down the cost so think Think about it, guys. We love to talk about ourselves. We really do. Don't pretend like you don't. First column, you get to write down who you're angry at, right? The second column, you get explain why you're anger. It says, why am I angry? You get to, not a paragraph, right, 10, 5, 10 words, 17 is the most used in the big book. Let's look at columns 3, 4 and 5. This affects, threatens, hurt. are exact words used in the big book you get to pick remember guys the rest of this is multiple choice so the first column you talk about yourself the second column you talked about yourself you already know the answers and then columns three four and five or multiple choice they're giving you an assignment where the answers are there you just have to pick which ones so you'd pick look at the first one here mr. Brown sex relations self-esteem ambitions talk about security you could pick them all you could make three you can make one you can pick four it's up to you and then you're gonna go to column four where am i at fault where am I to blame right what are my mistakes look they give you the answers jealousy lust dishonesty envy greed hate selfishness guys if you're not on mute please mute yourself i'm sorry it's okay Anger, resentment, dishonesty. So you could pick them all. You could pick three of them. You could take five. You could choose one. You could go pick two. Again, multiple choice. William, has anybody over the last handful of months decided to take and say, well, I want to use my own words or I'm going to do it a little bit differently? That's not what it says to do here, guys. We recommend you do exactly what it said and then we'll help you when we go through it. Look at column five, right? How – hold on a second. Can I get rid of that? There we go. How can I set matters – let's identify assets to strive for? Here they are. Humility, trust, intimacy, honesty, contentment, generous, love, zeal, forgiveness. You picked them again. Three, four, and five is multiple choice. Guys, you see how easy the fourth step is? Who are you mad at? Why are you bad at it? Pick some answers. Who are your mad at it why you mad pick some answers don't try to do it a different way don't try to a different then go to fears who what or where am i afraid of list them why am i afraid of them list that right don't go across go down column three four and five are the same multiple freaking choice i said that so you would laugh a little bit they give you the answers to the fourth step right the same thing that was on the last page pick your answers what's the last one william concluding text so guys harmful conduct including sex think about it you we just read page 62 selfishness self-centeredness that we think is the root of our trouble and you go I went to AA, and this is what they told me. This is what I did in my first year in 1996. They said, go write a story about yourself, you selfish person. Think about that. Go write a storytelling and tell us all your crazy guerrilla sex stories. We don't care about your sex stories, you're a real alcoholic, you did some wax sex stuff. Who gives a crap? Everybody did. The key here is whom did you hurt? That's completely what it says. Whom did I hurt? Write the names down. How did I hit them? Write the things down. Column 3, 4, 5, will somebody tell me what they are? Anybody? Multiple choice. Multiple choice again. This is an hour, hour and 15, hour-and-a-half. Maybe. Take it down, William. Again, it doesn't matter what his name said last night in this thing. It doesn't matter if you're raped 16 nuns and a chicken, right? Russell always says that. It makes me giggle, but you're not a success right there. We're not sitting here looking to hear how you did this, and if you split 18, whatever. Right? That's not important. Whom did you hurt with your selfish sex conduct? Who did you hurt with you selfish everything? Right? Who do you steal time from? That is the harm list. And remember something, William talked about it. It's going to be very important going forward. Guys, does anybody... And I know you want to ask questions. There's no real questions to ask about this. There's nothing, right? There's something that's hard to understand here. William, do you want to ask them questions? Yeah. Is there questions? Who's got questions? I don't know. I think Monica got a question. i had a question nope monica does not have a question i had a question sure what's up um so i i asked uh does that include ourselves which uh i was i was referring to in the tables do i include myself if i have hurt myself through these things or do i just am i only talking about other people i don't see anywhere in the fourth step where it talks about harming ourselves or putting us down um i don't know anthony what do you got on that yeah i've never seen it in any of the books that you put self down again i know they tell you to do it like like see that's the bad part about the the fellowship of aa you can go into 100 rooms and you'll get you know 106 different answers on that right we don't it does it doesn't say to put yourself down anywhere in here right because we're spending more time talking about whom self which is the problem we want to stay away from thinking about us right we spent our whole lives thinking about us stop thinking about you for a little while do the fourth step realize whom you hurt what you did what makes you fearful whom you resent just do what they ask and you'll get what we got look i'm gonna tell you who got it here right steve janine lily uh rob michelle stacy these are people that i know that that got it roy and gail recently and cindy's about to get it debbie right um there's a bunch more people and again i'm just saying people that i know we worked with here um again i trini right lolo look at the slew i mean there's such a slew of people daniel all these people that are recovered now they've done this with us right and it's not not us please don't go say, guys, BYOC has all the answers. We're just relaying the information from the book to you. Right? William, are you getting these emails, buddy? Yep. All right, cool. Can I state something? State? Yeah, sure. Can I say something? Sure.