Queens Big Book Study – Part 4 – Gary B. – 2008

About This Speaker Tape

A raw, multi-voice session focusing on the mechanical and spiritual grit of the Fourth Step. Gary B. breaks down his specific four-column inventory method to avoid getting 'lost' in the wreckage, while Marie exposes the 'thick persona' of the saintly wife she maintained for twenty years to hide a rotten interior.

The conversation pivots to the danger of 'secret lives'—specifically pornography and sexual fantasy—and the necessity of the sex inventory to achieve congruity. Mickey provides a masterclass in objectivity, using the metaphor of the 'mummy' wrapped in ego bandages and the 'bicycle wheel' of slow collapse. The tape closes with a heavy, honest look at the 'bondage of self' and the reality of living with a daily disease rather than seeking a silver bullet cure.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Gary B. discusses calling a 40-year sober old-timer to address a mid-life crisis.
• 2:15 Detailed explanation of the four-column inventory process and the 'third column' of self-esteem.
• 10:45 Marie discusses the 'snapshots' method her sponsor used to bypass her denial of resentment.
• 14:20 Marie's account of her 'Saint Marie' persona and the necessity of the sex inventory.
• 18:10 Marie describes fifth-stepping with Mickey as a powerfully healing experience.
• 22:30 Laughter: Mickey's 'antenna' and 'xylophone' description of his physical state.
• 26:15 Mickey explains the four-sentence paragraph method for fear inventory (Step 4).
• 31:40 Discussion on pornography as a 'secret life' and the 'bicycle wheel' metaphor of collapse.
• 36:20 Mickey's 'mummy' metaphor regarding the ego and the process of being retooled.
• 42:10 Nikki shares a raw account of a suicide attempt and the role of a female sponsor named Cookie.
• 51:15 Clemente asks about the 'bondage of self' and the frustration of repeating steps.
• 56:40 Mickey's 'Father Damien' story about the identity of 'we lepers' and 'we alcoholics'.