Our Courtship Was 20 Minutes — Alcoholics Take a Long Time with Heavy Decisions 😂 – Jay P.

About This Speaker Tape

Jay P. shares his story at the 2002 Maryland State AA Convention, tracing his alcoholism from childhood anger, lying, and stealing in a Cleveland suburb through institutions, a brief Navy career cut short by drinking, and years in the merchant marine. He describes his first drink at 13 — Thunderbird wine and screwdrivers bought on Cleveland's skid row — and the fleeting moment of peace it gave him, a feeling he chased for nearly two decades at the cost of everything he had.

He married a woman he met in a bar after a twenty-minute courtship, promising to be the husband and father he never had, but alcoholism made every promise hollow. He picked up a hitchhiker to drink with on his wedding night while his new wife sat between them. A gemstone smuggling scheme born from greed nearly sent him to prison, his finances collapsed, and in 1973 the merchant marine blackballed him. On March 7, 1974, he knocked on a man's door 1,200 miles from home and said for the first time, "I think I have a problem drinking." Inside, he found his father's copy of the Big Book with the inscription: "If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, Higher Power will help. Love, Dad."

His sponsor Jimmy gave him three daily actions — ask Higher Power for help not drinking, go to a meeting, say thank you at night — and told him he never had to stay sober longer than one day. A year and a half in, sponsor John walked him through the steps using the Big Book, beginning with the unmanageability he had never accepted. The fourth step inventory with John — resentments against Siraj the Sri Lankan business partner, deep-rooted fears, and an honest sex inventory — became the turning point that dismantled his lifelong anger.

In sobriety Jay rebuilt every relationship alcoholism had destroyed. He became a faithful husband through 34 years of marriage until his wife's death in 2000, repaired the bond with his mother who once prayed her unborn child would be born dead rather than be another boy like him, and reconnected with a father whose final written words celebrated what AA had given them both. All three of his children called him on Father's Day weekend from Puerto Rico, Alabama, and Mexico. He remarried in early 2002 and credits the steps, practiced as a way of life, for everything he has.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction — sober since March 8, 1974, honored to speak at Maryland convention
• 5:00 Childhood anger, lying, and stealing before ever taking a drink — 'it just came with the package'
• 10:00 Sponsor John confronts him at 18 months sober — 'you're a phony and you're about to get drunk'
• 15:00 Step One unmanageability — marriage, smuggling charges, bankruptcy, no spiritual life
• 22:00 Fourth step inventory on John's trailer stoop — resentment against Siraj and discovering his own greed
• 28:00 First drink at 13 — Thunderbird wine on Cleveland's skid row, the feeling he never got back
• 35:00 Navy discharge for acute alcoholism, mother's devastating words on his 18th birthday
• 42:00 Twenty-minute courtship, wedding night disaster, merchant marine years of letters and broken promises
• 50:00 March 7, 1974 — knocks on the door, finds Dad's Big Book inscription, sponsor Jimmy's three daily actions
• 57:00 Rebuilt relationships — mother's deathbed pride, father's final birthday card, children calling on Father's Day