Healthy, Vegan, Marathon Runner — Also Drinking a Handle of Liquor Every Single Night 🫠 – Jennifer W.

About This Speaker Tape

Jennifer tells her story on Christmas night, opening with gratitude that each sober Christmas has been better than the last. She grew up in Kansas surrounded by alcoholism -- her grandfather, father, brother Scott, and stepdad were all alcoholics. The household was chaotic with holes in walls and police visits. Jennifer responded by becoming the good kid, chasing perfect grades and achievement, while managing her feelings through food restriction and self-harm rather than substances. She started drinking late but recognized immediately there was no off switch -- by college she was already doing the cycle of blackout, swear off, repeat.

She moved to Boston chasing a relationship, started graduate school, and began hiding alcohol from her partner. During an outpatient psych program she would stop at the bar on the way to her therapist. After missing one day of drinking, her muscles seized up walking to class and she had to crawl back to the infirmary -- the doctor told her she needed inpatient detox. She got sober January 25, 1999 at age 25 and stayed sober seven and a half years, but gradually drifted from meetings and sponsorship. Her partner questioned whether she was really alcoholic, and in 2006 she picked up a drink, telling herself things were different now.

The relapse escalated over years. She ran marathons competitively, finished a PhD, built her own practice, and had a son -- all while drinking alcoholically. She rotated liquor stores, skipped medication rather than stop drinking, and hit inanimate objects while driving. In October 2014, her brother showed up at her house with a blood alcohol of .4 and paramedics came in front of her three-year-old son. She got sober October 31, 2014, threw herself into a 90-in-90, got a sponsor immediately, and started sponsoring others within a year. She closes by urging newcomers not to compare bottoms and reminding the room that relapse does not have to be part of anyone's story.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Big Book reading and introduction of Jennifer on Christmas night
• 2:30 Growing up in Kansas with alcoholic father, grandfather, brother Scott, and stepdad -- chaotic household with holes in walls and police visits
• 7:00 Being the good kid who acted in instead of out -- controlling feelings through food restriction and self-harm rather than substances
• 12:00 College drinking with no off switch -- blackout and swear-off cycle already established by age 21
• 16:00 Geographic cure to Boston, hiding alcohol from partner, stopping at bar on the way to therapy during outpatient psych
• 21:00 Withdrawal seizures walking to class -- crawling to infirmary, doctor says she needs inpatient detox, first AA meeting at Mount Auburn Hospital January 1999
• 27:00 Seven and a half years sober but drifting from program -- partner questions diagnosis, picks up a drink in 2006
• 34:00 Functioning alcoholic years -- winning a marathon, running her own practice, rotating liquor stores, skipping medication to keep drinking
• 42:00 Brother arrives with .4 BAC, ambulance called in front of her three-year-old son -- decides to try AA again October 31, 2014
• 50:00 Doing it differently this time -- 90 in 90, immediate sponsor, sponsoring others, closing message that relapse does not have to be part of your story