Deep and Effective Spiritual Experiences Require Deep and Effective Step Work – David L.

My name is David Lester, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, David. Welcome if you're new. Welcome if you're returning. Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous, a simple spiritual program that will, in fact, save your life. And you say, I know that, because it saved my life. And it saved the lives of many people that I know in rooms just like this. If you're an alcoholic like me, and you haven't had a drink today, today's a milestone in your sobriety. So I'm just going to shake off the nervousness. I do a lot of book studies, and there are six conditions to sobriety. They're found back in the Spiritual Experience on page 568. And he starts off by outlining them, and then I use a prayer to ask for some help. And he says, most emphatically, we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance, or belligerent denial. We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery, but these are indispensable. Father, help us to be open to all spiritual concepts. Keep from us any attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. Grant that measure of willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness we need as we seek your truth through the path that's been laid down before us. Use me, Father, as your instrument to carry your message. Your message, and not mine. So, I grew up in Northern California, a little town called Willits. And my mom said that as soon as I could walk, they had a keg of beer in the refrigerator. And I would go to that refrigerator and start drinking on the keg of beer, so I don't remember my first drink. And... This small... This small town, my dad... My dad was the elementary school principal. And there was only one elementary school, so I had to go to it. And, you know, my dad told me on no uncertain terms, you will set an example for this community. You will not do anything to deface our family name in any way. And I said, yes, sir. And so, I tried. I was the quarterback for the football team, and I made all-star in baseball and basketball and straight A's. And, you know, I really didn't... I did try. And a bunch of friends and I were running down the halls at my dad's school. And so we got in trouble and got sent to my dad's office. And he puts us in a circle, and he's going around the circle, and he gets to me and he says, What's your name? I said, Dad? He says, What's your name? I said, David Lester. Where do you live? With you? He says, Where do you live? I said, 15 North Maple Street, sir. And so I got spanked along with everybody else that day in school. And we went home that night, and my dad came and sat down at the dinner table. And he said, So, I hear we had a little trouble at school today. You want to tell us about it? I got spanked at home, too. And so my dad was my biggest resentment. And I can tell you that today he is one of my very best friends. And he wants me to send him home. He wants me to send a message to you. He wants me to thank you for what you've done in my life, for giving him his son back. And Wednesday is Dad's day. I go and see him every Wednesday. And it doesn't matter that we do anything. We just go and hang out. And it's kind of interesting to be at this end of the road. And my dad had some cancer, and he's recovering from that. And it's a relationship I never had with my dad. And I'm kind of like, roll on down this road of life and go out to different places to eat and hang out. And I remember when we were kids, we would go on vacations, and my dad would say, Did I ever tell you about the time I was a caveman? And I'd go, Oh, Dad, no. And so a couple of weeks ago, we're coming back from lunch, and, Hey, Dad. Yeah, son. Why don't you tell me about the time you were a caveman? He laughed. That's a long road. That's a real long road. So my parents divorced and both moved to Sacramento. And I come from a small town. I am outmanned, outgunned. I mean, it's just unbelievable in the big city. And so I pursued the solution that I had with everything that I had, and that solution was alcohol. It was not my problem. And so I was asked to leave high school, a couple of weeks early from graduation. I was distributing some non-conference materials and pursuing purposeful intent is something that I live by. And it kind of applies today, too. So anyways, 1982. I got a drunk driving. They say the town that you go down in is the one that you come back up in, and I left the Owl Club that New Year's Eve. And my home group is the Roseville Tuesday Night Group. It's about a half a block from the Owl Club. And it was still light out, and I was in this Cadillac, and I was drunk, and I wiped out 16 foot of brick wall. And I got my first drunk driving. And I'd been drinking another day in that period of time, and I had an ex-girlfriend, and I went over to her house, and I shot out her window with a gun. And, um... So I've got some problems, some legal problems. And my attorney said, you might want to try Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I'm following some directions, and I come into your rooms. And I can hear you people talking about being alcoholic, and I thought, well, that's cute. You're just figuring it out. But then you started making really crazy suggestions, like staying sober, and I'm like, wait a minute. That's just a bit much. Because that's the only thing that keeps the madness between my ears away. And I remember, I know what the date is, because my first big book, I still have it. It says, to David A. Lester, from his doctor, Jerome Lackner. It was 2 of 1983. And so, um... I knew that I was an alcoholic. It's 1983. I'm 22 years old. Knowledge is not power. My sobriety date is July 19th. It's 2004. So from 1983 to 2004, I guarantee you is a long, painful, tedious process of being beaten into a state of reasonableness by alcoholism. So the trouble passed, and I went on my merry little way, and I did what I do, and ended up working in commercial construction. And I was in Santa Barbara a couple of months ago, and somebody mentioned, the Kaiser cocktail. I'd never heard of that. See, I got hurt on the job, and the Kaiser's a medical care system around, and so I go to the doctors, and they give me the Kaiser cocktail. I mean, it's drugs with the directions. Alcohol may intensify the effect. I mean, it's just like this book. This book has conditions and directions and promises. And so I'm following the directions, and I'm adding the conditions, and I'm getting there. And I'm getting there. And I'm getting there. And I'm getting there. And I'm getting there. And I'm getting there. And I'm getting there. And I'm getting the promises. Because I don't want to be here. And what happened was over time, the intensity of the effect started to wear off, and the madness that's in between my ears started coming back, and I started having more conversations with God. Please, just make this the last one. Make this the last handful, because I can't take it anymore. And I can remember coming to on another day thinking, I'm still here. I've got to do this all over again. And so I'm going to do this all over again. And I'm going to do this all over again. And I'm going to do this all over again. And I'm going to do this all over again. And I'm going to do this all over again. Groundhog day, day in and day out, and I can't take myself out. I can't. And so the phone rang one day, and it was my sister. And I got on the phone, and she wanted to let me know that we had an aunt in Texas who'd enter hospice care, and that she was going to die, and that I should call her and tell her that I loved her before she died. And I went back in the bedroom, and I did what I was doing. And two days later, the phone rang again. And it was my sister, and she could tell from the tone of my voice that I had not made that phone call. And that's the first time I've been able to identify that feeling, that pitiful and incomprehensible immoralization that I felt. And I got off the phone, and I ran back into the bedroom, and I curled up in a ball. And I cried harder than I've ever cried before or since. I curled up like a baby and started crying, and in my stomach, there was a burning sensation in my stomach, and it started to grow. And when it got to my chest, I got scared, and when I got scared, I sat up, and when I sat up, I opened my eyes. And when I opened my eyes, I saw my aunt. And next to her, I saw God. And I can't tell you how long those moments lasted because I don't know. What I can say is that there weren't any words that were spoken, but I understood perfectly well there wasn't anything that I had ever done or was ever going to do that they didn't already know about. But what was more profound in those moments was not what I saw, but how I felt. Because I have never in my entire life felt the purest, most complete form of love that I've ever felt. I had no idea what I needed to do, but I knew that what I was doing in my life was wrong, and I had to do something to change. And this was like February of 1989, and so I waited for my girlfriend to go to work, and I got a U-Haul. I had custody of twin daughters. They were four years old, at that time. And I got a U-Haul, and I loaded up all my material possessions, and we went to Mom's house. Now, my mom worked at a treatment center, a starting point in Sacramento. That was a good choice. And so I get to Mom's house, and she come home after a couple of weeks, and she was upset. And she said, you might be clean. And you might be clean. And you might be sober. But you're not doing anything about your problem, and you need to leave. Now, I had a 78 Volkswagen Rabbit. The drive axles were going out. We don't have any money. We don't have any food. I loaded up some clothes in that car, and those kids, and I came back to your rooms. And the people that 12-stepped me was really the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous. I mean, we had a food truck, a food bank schedule, and a meeting schedule. And we mapped out Sacramento, and that's just what we did. And I'll tell you, for six months, we went from food bank to meeting to food bank to meeting. And I can tell you, in those six months, we never went hungry. We never ran out of gas. That car never broke down. And not one time did we ever have to sleep in that car because of rooms like this and people like you. We always ended up with a couch or a room to hang out in. And finally, we got a little apartment in Folsom, California. And if there are mistakes that you can make in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I assure you there are, I've made most of them, and they've been very painful. And so, found me a newcomer. She left treatment early and came to my house. And I made her wait for a year before I married her. I figured that was good, right? That didn't turn out very well. So, so, I set about to build a little life. And I got my kids in school. And so, I went back to school. I had to start in high school. And I had this dream of being a lawyer. I figured a 10-year plan. And so, I go back to high school and finish that up. And I go to a junior college. And I do some stuff there. And I end up at the University of Sacramento working on a degree there. And I finish that. And I end up in grad school. No high school diploma in grad school. Now, over time, I didn't realize how sometimes change happens incrementally and slowly. It's imperceptible at times. But I ended up in this place. I had bought a house. I got into real estate. So, I've got my own company. There's cars in the driveway. There's money in the bank. I'm in grad school. See, I got all this outside stuff. And what I had walked away from, was the inside job that Alcohol Hawks Anonymous requires. And so, I end up on the back porch of that house having another one of those conversations with God. I don't know if this is right. And I don't know if this is wrong. But I can tell you, if this is what it feels like inside, I've done something desperately wrong. And I can't go back into a meeting and tell them that I'm broken and that I can't do it anymore. I can't. And I know one way. One surefire way. It'll be quick. It'll probably hurt. But I guarantee you, it'll work. And then I'll go back to Alcohol Hawks Anonymous. And I can remember those moments like it was yesterday. So, I took a drink after 13 years of not having a drink. And it was like snapping my spiritual umbilical cord because I was separated from you instantly. And I'm falling down a black hole and I can't grab the sides and I can't stop the fall. And all of a sudden, it hit. The phenomenon of craving was not something I was prepared to deal with. And when it hit me, I'm telling you, I went inside and went, Oh, my Lord. This is going to be incredibly bad. But it's in now and it's on. And we're going to ride this train. I got... You know how much stuff they've invented since 1989? Bartles and James was the newest thing on the market in 1989. They've invented a lot of stuff. And I've got money. And so, you know, think about my first drink. Lots. Unlimited supply. So, anyways. They intervened in my life in a fairly short period of time. There were actually four interventions. It was the California Highway Patrol. The High Crimes Task Force in Sacramento County. The District Attorney's Office. And I was arrested three times in rapid succession. And I figured it was just a matter of me jumping off of the elevator. And I'd be safe. And after that third arrest, I sold that home and I checked into treatment. Safe. I'm back in Alcoholics Anonymous. Well, that DA was not happy with me. I kept bailing out. And so I check into detox because alcohol had become my master. And I couldn't stop. I had a friend of mine drop me off in treatment. And I jumped out of his truck. And I said, you need to leave. I gave him the stuff because I literally could not stop what I was doing. And there was a moment in those days. And I can't tell you exactly when that moment was. But the moment was that I was actually going to succeed in dying from this disease if I didn't get help. And so I'm dumped off in treatment. Check into detox. And I head court the next day. I go into court. And the DA was just livid. And she talked the judge into raising my bail by $95,000. And I'm arrested a fourth time. So, I'm downtown in the jail cell on my knees. When I became alcoholic, crushed by a self-imposed crisis I could neither postpone nor evade. I had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or He is nothing. He either is or He isn't. What is my choice to be? And I always thought that was my second step. But there's only one reason I'm on my knees in that jail cell. And I remember having another one of those conversations with God. I don't know how many have come back to you on this very spot. And it's none of my affair. But the fact of the matter is I am done. I am done with what I think my life should look like. I am done with what I think or how it should be. I will do whatever you put in front of me. If you will stand them up, I will knock them down with whatever ability you give me. For the rest of whatever days are left here, and I won't take any credit for who really does the work, but I'm in serious trouble here. And I need help. I need to get back to treatment. You've got to crack that door for me. Eight days later, that door cracked. And I'm telling you, a cannon went off inside of me. I went straight back to treatment. And I lit that place on fire. I'm the only one that I know of out of the 40 people that were there in treatment with me that is still sober today. I've got a responsibility. I've been around Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm telling you, when I hit bottom, nobody needed to tell me what I needed to do. Nobody needed to tell me where I needed to go. I absolutely knew where I needed to be. And I knew what I needed to do. And my answers are in this book. And I'm fixing to figure it out. And so I tore into that book. I went cover to cover in this book six times in 92 days in treatment. Vigorously trying to find and figure this thing out. And so I'm in treatment. And I'm going every week to court. Every week I'm going to court and doing postponements and whatever. And finally, there's the day I'm going in for a preliminary hearing. And that's like the jumping off point. You either take the plea bargain or you're going to trial. That's what a plea bargain or that's what a preliminary hearing is. And I go into court that day with my dad and my lawyer and the DA or in the judge's chambers. We can hear them out in the courtroom screaming and yelling at each other. And my attorney comes out and he says, well, they made a mistake. He said, no. It's not that kind of mistake. You're not looking at 20 years. You're looking at 34 years in state prison. And I'm telling you, this DA brought the book on you and she's ready to go to town. I would suggest that you limit your liability and take this four years in prison, that plea bargain that she didn't want me to have. I looked at my dad and I said, well, I guess I'm done. I mean, it's not a hard choice. You're just lesser of three evils, right? And so on October 20th of 2004, I walked into the gates of prison. So that was not an environment that I was prepared to deal with. I don't have any tattoos. I don't walk like, I don't talk like, I don't want anything to do with these people. I mean, and they put me in a reception. It's 23 and a half hours a day in a cell. You get to go to eat in the morning and you get to eat at night. You get to go to the yard one day a week. You get to shower twice a week. And when you hit the faucet that's above the toilet in your cell, the color of the water that came out of that faucet is the same color of the coffee you drink tonight. And I was so scared. I was so scared. I went to yard once and the whole time that I was in reception. And I can remember, I mean, I come out, I'm out of treatment. Three and four meetings a day and they lock you in a cell 23 and a half hours a day. And I looked at R&R and this is the stuff you get to keep and that's the stuff you got to give back. And I looked at the stuff I got to keep and my big book was there and I said, I don't care what you do with the rest of it. You just give it away. I got my big book and I got my addresses and I got to one of my first cellies and I told them, I said, I'm a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I'm here to care for you. And I'm here to care for you. And I'm here to care for you. And I'm here to care for you. I carry the message of Alcoholics Anonymous and if God wants me to carry that message one man at a time, that's exactly what I'm going to do and guess what? You're it. Now, he wasn't an alcoholic and so I opened a book and that last sentence, the first paragraph of the forward of the first edition, and besides, we believe our way of living has advantages for all. He just opened the door for everybody. I mean, what else are you going to do? So we start studying and reading that book and just trying and seeking the solution with everything that I have. And you know, the day came when they transferred me to a mainline prison and I remember getting off of that bus, I was chained to that bus in the middle of the night and driving down the freeway and I remember turning the corner, Newell Creek State Prison, and I went, oh no, I'm not coming out of this one. And we put in a holding tank and they paint stuff on the walls in there, stuff like, no warning shot required. I'm like, I've been in some target rich environments, I'm not used to being the target. That's not okay. And so, I remember walking onto that yard in an orange jumpsuit, I can still feel the wind on my skin and I was the first guy in the line, and they holler over the loudspeaker, clear the track for escort, clear the track for escort. And 1,200 inmates stop what they're doing, seemingly, and stare at the fish walking onto the yard and I'm the first one in line and I'm walking along and I'm thinking, don't blink, don't flinch, nobody come near me because I will explode and I will never let anybody inside of here ever again. And I shut down, I got to that cell and I stayed there for another three months. So from October through February or March 2005, I have not been allowed to go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. By the time I got to my first meeting, I was a little bit uptight. And, God, and I swore I would never let you in. You're not coming in. And, um, 1,153 days I walked circles on a prison yard, made eight cents an hour, surrounded with 900 life-term inmates, some of them the most infamous murderers in America, their household names. And, uh, you know, if there's ever an environment where you want to look around and do exactly the opposite of what anybody else is doing in there, that would be the place because it's none of their fault. You know, and so I learned a lot. I learned a lot in there. I learned how to take away or take apart the word blame. You ever done that? In the end, it's always me leading up to it. Blah, blah, blah. And so every day I went to the mirror and I looked in the mirror and I went, there he is. There is nobody responsible for the circumstances in your life but that man right there. And if there's going to be a difference, that's the one that's got to do something about it. And so I gathered up everything they had in Alcoholics Anonymous on that yard. You know, the grapevine sells packages of like 50 grapevines and all different issues. And I have them sent in. You're only allowed 10 magazines in there. And the CO says, Lester, what's this? I said, I told him to send it in pieces. I'm going to give it to you, Lester. And I mean, there were some people that I met in Alcoholics Anonymous on that yard and they come up to me like, dude, is this all you do? Because I'm studying everything about AA and I had the books sent in they used to write the book with and and I said, look around. I'm simply making the healthiest choice of the opportunities that I have around me. I don't want to know how you do time. You've been here two decades. You have a life sentence. I have built a life before and I'm fixing to leave here and go build another one. You might want to listen to what I have to say. I understand what put me here. My own selfishness. My own self-will. And I am bound and I am determined to do everything that I can to rub out a wrong that I created and damage in people's lives. That's what I am going to do. And so on my last meeting there, they had made me the chairman. Chairman in there is the one that runs the meeting. And I asked for their time and I said I'd like to share something with you. You know, we've done everything together. We work together. We play together. We shower together. We play together. We eat together. You laughed. I cried. And the fact of the matter is I've learned some very simple truths. And the biggest truth that I learned while I was here is that there is but one difference between me and you and that is in the choices that we've made. Because I very easily and probably should have been a life sentence inmate with them. So anyways, my parents came and picked me up and and and and and brought me home and my dad threw me a set of keys and I went out to eat with my kids and and I got back to my dad's house and and he says you all right? I said no, no, I got to go. He says, well, where do you got to go? I said, dad, I need to get to a meeting. He says, I'll take you anywhere you need to go. So where do you want to go? I gave him the address and I went to a meeting and I walk in and and it was packed. There's like a hundred people there and I'm looking around and I don't know a soul. And I'm looking around and I'm standing next to Dan. Now, Dan was the best man at my wedding. The newcomer. And I went, Dan. He's like, you're out? I said, yeah, I woke up in a penitentiary this morning. What the hell happened here? He's like, I don't know. I never come here anymore. I said, Dan, I'm alone. I'm afraid. And I'm lonely. Can I sit with you? He said, Dave, relax. Just sit down. And I sat down and the lady that got up to tell her story that night was the same lady that asked me to tell my story just days before I walked into the gates of prison at that meeting. And when she got done telling her story that night, her topic on the day that I came home was freedom. And it dawned on me the irony of my life because in 2002 I was physically free but spiritually I was in prison and it took me to physically go to prison to find spiritual freedom. And I have with purposeful intent from my sobriety date to this been after this thing with everything that I have because I am truly done. I meant what I said with God. I am done with what I think my life should look like. I'm done with where I think I should go. I am trying to handle whatever He puts in front of me with whatever ability He gives me and not taking any of the credit for whatever might happen. And so I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm It started on Tuesday night and it's the oldest continuously running meeting in Northern California. We just celebrated 68 years. And if you have a chance stop by. That meeting has grown from Tuesday night to 24 meetings a week. And it's a great home group. And so I ran into the teacher that I had and I said, had when I went to prison. And I asked him to take me through these steps. And I developed some real and significant differences of opinion and experience, knowledge and application of the principles that are contained in that book. And I stopped taking these steps. And when I stopped taking these steps, I'm the one that paid the price and I became suicidal. By that time, I had met his sponsor. And his sponsor lives right around the corner from here. And I called him up that morning and I said, I'm in trouble. I'm sober, but I'm not planning it. I'm getting ready to do it. I'm going to take myself out. I can't do this. And I don't know what he said that day. And I don't even know what he had me do, but I started following that man's directions. And he said, you might should start coming down here and see. And I knew from the moment that I met that man that there was something very special about him. There was something about his eyes. There was something about his spirit. And I believe today it is that he is as close to the way the first 100 did this process as I've ever come into contact with. And I put everything that I had, everything, because I'd hit the second wall, the jumping off spot. I couldn't do it with drugs and alcohol. Now I can't do it sober. So I started coming down here every week. And I started taking these steps. And my sponsor does steps four and five simultaneously. And four and five simultaneously, the first part is telling the life story, not writing a biography. And then writing column one and two, resentments, fears, and harms. And I took 17 weeks in doing column one and two. And I took another 17 weeks in completing these steps. I mean, it says in there is a solution. The great fact is just this and nothing less, that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences that have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life and toward God's universe, not Dave's universe. How is it possible to have a deep and effective spiritual experience unless you are deep and effective in your step work? I can't lie. Cheat or steal from God. And so for the first time in my life, that's what I did. I put everything in. And my education really started when I came home and started doing book studies out here on the streets. And I learned about this doctor's opinion and the phenomenon of craving and the mental obsession. And I started having some real truths pop up. And I mean, it's like I have gone into my own experience. I look at my first drink, and I look at my last run, and it is definitely progressive. There's no known cure. It happens over and over again, which is chronic. And if my experience is any criterion, and it has to be, if I continue down that path, it will take my life. So I have a progressive, chronic, incurable, and ultimately fatal disease that you can't do anything about. I have to do the work. And then the doctor says that I'm restless, irritable, and discontented. And what came to me is that really talks about all three pieces of this disease. Physically, I'm restless. I've never been able to sit still. Mentally, I'm irritable, and I'm taking it out on everybody around me. Just ask my family and my friends, those few who are left. But deep down inside of me, I'm discontented because I'm consciously separate from that which created me. And I guarantee you, that kind of pain demands to be treated. I call it psychic pain, and psychic in the Greek is soul pain, deep, deep down where I live. And so I'm going to treat it one way or another, either distilled spirits or a spiritual experience or a gun, a knife, a rope, or a razor blade. But it's going to be treated in my own experience. And so I also learned about Bill Wilson. And to correctly identify the problem, then I can correctly identify the solution from that solution and develop a practical program of action to apply the solution to the problem problem solved and so um i did inventory with that man and and he sent me to the cemetery right around the corner from here it's where my aunt's buried and he said i need to warn you people have reported having actual spiritual experiences as the result of what i'm about to tell you to do i don't want you to be scared but they happen and these promises come true usually within 72 hours certainly within 90 days and i went to the cemetery it was january 11th of 2010 my aunt's buried there and i asked god to lead me and i couldn't find it but i settled on a spot and i sat with my god and it came and i felt my spiritual mental and emotional death and it was just like the green mile except there weren't any flies and i knew that i was experiencing those deaths in me because what had happened was i had all of these resentments and i had these harms and the process my sponsor took me through the way that i was taught is as soon as i become offensive in a relationship the resentment is over and it's changed into a harm because i've become offensive and so i have all of these resentments to go down to the basement and my harms go through the roof and for the first time in my life i saw the real truth about me and who i was and that day in the cemetery was very humbling and when ready i did my step six and i did i did step seven and and i started to leave and i couldn't i stopped in the office and i asked would you please show me where my aunt's buried and and um i went back up there and i was about 10 feet off and the uh garden that she's buried there and i went back up there and i buried in serenity gardens and as i was leaving the cemetery that day the sun started to come out and it shone on this bench i took a picture of it and there was a writing on the bench said i will always be with you and so um my mom had gotten very sick that christmas and she entered hospice care i came back to sacramento that night and at 357 in the morning my mom took her last breath on the day that i entered the world of the spirit on january 12th of 2010 my mom was there waiting for me and i uh i went back to my sponsor's house and i told them exactly what happened and then i didn't talk about it to another soul for another five months because the fact of the matter is relationships take time relationships take effort and i had found a relationship with that which created me and i wanted to sit with and be in that relationship and to allow myself to have the experience that i was having because if i just run around and talk about it i'm only going to end up with the story of the experience and i'm not really going to have the experience and i really wanted to have the deep down experience with god and so my meditation life is really strong and it's grown since that time and i i'm a minimum of an hour hour and a half a day in meditation in the morning and at night and if i can't i throw one in and i'm not going to have the experience and i'm not going to have the in the middle of the day and um and so um i went four through nine and my sponsor um he told me i was in fit spiritual condition after five and i looked at him are you nuts i just saw the truth about me this doesn't feel like spiritual fitness right but i'm i'll do what you put in front of me that's what i will do and i will try it's not going to be for my lack of effort that's what i will do. And so, you know, I help as many people as I can. And I use 10 and 11 as my growth steps. And then the step 12 is the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, it is necessary that I have taken the steps and had the result of taking those steps. We tried to carry this message. This message is, that's what happened to me. And if you take these steps, that's what will happen to you. And then to practice these principles in all of my affairs. Now, I told you I was a real estate broker, and I'm trying to take responsibility. And the Department of Real Estate is really interested to know why one of their real estate brokers had 14 felonies and two misdemeanors and ended up in prison. So I come home, and I recall, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, and I remember, a hearing for the Department of Real Estate. And I go into this courtroom, and I walk in, and I went, oh, I'm here. There's no metal detector, there's no bailiff. I walk right into the courtroom. I went, wow, that was easy. And everybody convenes, and the judge says, Mr. Lester. And I said, yes, ma'am. She says, do you have counsel? I said, no, ma'am. You don't have counsel? No, ma'am. I've chosen not to be represented by counsel to provide a defense because there isn't one. I'm guilty. I'm here to be accountable and to take responsibility for the things that happen in my life. She went, really? I said, yes, ma'am. Do you have anybody to testify on your behalf? No, ma'am. It's not their fault that I'm here. It's mine. I bear sole responsibility for the circumstances in my life. And again, I'm here to be accountable and to take responsibility for those things that happen in my life. Now, I would like to share with you in a general way what I used to be like, what happened, and what I'm like now. And she said, okay, we'll roll with that. And so I'm on cross on the stand and this attorney comes up and he says, you're back in school? And I said, yes, sir. Bachelor's degree? No, sir. It's a master's degree. Well, what's your degree? I said, well, it's in recreation administration. Oh, really? And what do you plan on doing with that degree, Mr. Lester? I said, well, it's funny you should ask that question because I'm here today for a final project in part, for a final project in a course that I'm currently taking in risk management and liability issues and leisure services. And my professor asked if I could draw the inference between leisure services and real estate. And for me, it's really quite simple. The American dream and making the American dream a reality for people on a daily basis. There are certainly some parts that require education and skill, and there are certainly some parts that people would consider to be work. But for me, making dreams come true in the American dream for people on a daily basis is anything but work. It's pure leisure. And the reason that I'm here today is because I didn't have a risk management plan, and I'm dealing with a liability that I incurred thereof. And he went, okay. And so that judge felt, and I was on parole at the time of that hearing, that judge felt that I had rehabilitated myself to the degree that I warranted being granted a restricted real estate license under some terms and conditions. And so from that day to this, I have fulfilled all of those terms and all of those conditions. And because they rejected my license, there's one condition that I have yet to fulfill, and that's to get a certificate of rehabilitation. I won't be eligible until 2014, December. So I have repeated the entire coursework for that master's degree because that's what they asked me to do. I work with, like I said, as many people as I can. And when my mom passed away, I was the one that she wanted me to take care of her affairs. And so I called Social Security, and I said, I need to report my mom's passing. And they said, yeah, we knew that. I said, oh, you did? Well, yeah, the funeral home does that so the family doesn't have to. I said, well, it would be nice if they let the family know since I'm the one that's supposed to take care of it. And I said, well, while I got you on the phone, I owe you some amends. Oh, you do? Yes, ma'am. I was on Social Security. And you have an 18-month back-to-work. I have an 18-month back-to-work program where you can retain benefits while you transition back into the workforce. And I was taking advantage of that program. And because of the type of work that I went into, there was a significant overpayment. And you were keeping all of my benefits to pay yourself back. And I got into some serious trouble. And she says, yeah, I see we suspended your account in 2004. When were you released? I said, 2007. Did you bring in your release paperwork? I said, no. I said, no, ma'am. She said, well, you need to do that. Okay. So I take my mom's death certificate, and I go in, give them the same story. And I said, by the way, I owe you some amends. I know I owe you a ton of money. I don't have it, but I need to figure out what it is and let me know what I got to do. And so I gave them my release paperwork, and she went, huh, what have you been doing? I said, well, they let me back in school. And so I've been going to school. She said, how have you been surviving? I said, my mom and my dad have helped me out. They haven't been charging me rent. And I made eight cents an hour in prison. So they made all kinds of student loans available. So I've been living on those. And she says, okay, where do you want it? I said, I want what? She said, well, I'm unsuspending your account. We owe you two years' worth of back payments. I said, what? My account would be good. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, okay. And so I went over to have dinner at my dad's. It's my mom's dad. And I said, dad, I need you to help me here. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I said, you and mom, help me out. You haven't charged me a dime. And I would never be where I'm at without what you've done for me. And there's a lot of money here. It's not mine. It's yours. You need to tell me what you want me to do with this money. I mean, there's a chance here. I owe a ton of people a lot of money. And I could get almost even, but it's not mine. You tell me what you want me to do. And he said, son, I don't want your money. You keep doing what you're doing. You keep going. And so it has afforded me the opportunity to devote a lot of my time in this work until I've done the work in getting back my license and getting back into the mainstream of life. And now there's a guy at my home group. He always introduces himself. This is my name. And today is the very best day of my life. And I got to know him. And he's a long time sober. And he had a grandson. And the grandson was getting ready to come home from prison. So I asked him for his contact information. His CDC number, Victor55817. My CDC number, Victor55899. And so I wrote to him. And I said, Jacob, you know, you don't know me. My name is David Lester. And I go to meetings with a grandfather. I was doing some meditation. And it came to me to ask for your contact information. And as it turns out, we have some things in common. And I told him my CDC number. And see what that means is in November of 2004, we were in the same holding tank in Tracy, naked, waiting for our orange jumpsuit. And I said, Jacob, I'm here to write you a message. And that message is hope. February can be the last time you ever have to come home from prison. You can come and do and be anything you want. And it starts in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know your grandfather loves you. And all you have to do is come in and take your seat. You've already paid the price for that seat. And so I went to my home group last week. And Donald was there. And he said, David. Yeah, Donald. And I went up and sat next to Jacob. And hey, Jacob. My name's David Lester. My CDC number is Victor55899. He said, David? Yeah. And so I got to meet Jacob finally several years later. And, you know, he hasn't stayed sober. And he hasn't stayed out of prison. But he's in a meeting with Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's what we do. Let's talk about today. What does it look like today? One of my twin daughters is in some serious trouble on Thanksgiving. She was arrested and has felony child endangerment. My granddaughter was taken away and given to her twin. And they dropped the charges. And I saw their mom in front of the courthouse. And I said, I'm going to give her a couch to stay on. There won't be any drinking to use. And I said, you keep doing what you're doing with her. And things are only going to get worse. And so that made me an enemy, again, to them. And that's what happened. Candace got a positive test over to mom's house. And on Christmas, she went to an AA meeting. And after the AA meeting, she got drunk. And when she got drunk, she hit a tree. And she broke six ribs. She punctured a kidney. She broke her sternum. Got a disc problem in her neck and a DUI for her efforts. And I called her. And I said, can I come see you? And she said, why, you want to rub it in? No, you're my daughter. And I need to see my daughter. And I went in the hospital. And she's conceding to this disease is what she's doing. And she's in a hospital. And she's in a hospital. And she's in a hospital. And she's kicking and screaming. And I said, I'm not here as an Alcoholics Anonymous member. I'm here as your father. She didn't think she got a problem. I said, you almost died. You're in a hospital bed. You got a DUI for your efforts. And you don't think there's a problem? I'm sorry. There is a problem. And so just so much self-will. And she decided she got out of the hospital and decided she needed another car. Hasn't even been to court yet. She got a car. And last week went to her sister's house in that car drunk. And caused all kinds of havoc and was arrested yet again. Now on Monday, she finally checked into treatment. On Tuesday, she was kicked out of treatment for stealing a big book. Now when she was in the hospital, I asked, because there was a lucid minute, can I please send you a couple of women to talk to? Would you be willing to talk to them? Yeah, Dad. Yeah, Dad. And so I'm in a meeting on Monday and I get this drive-by text. I just want you to know that Candace is safe. And I said, please tell me more. I can't. Candace doesn't want me to tell you more. And so yesterday, I'm getting ready to go talk at a meeting in Auburn. And I get a text from the same lady. And she says, are you talking in Auburn tonight? I said, yes, I am. I said, well, one of my girls is talking at an NA meeting up there. And she's bringing Candace. You see, Candace had 13 days sober yesterday. And she's not ready to run into me in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I said, well, I'm not talking in an NA meeting. I'm talking at an AA meeting. So it'll be good. And by the way, thank you. Thank you for helping my daughter. And she has twins. And she said, David, I know what you're about. And I know what you're doing in Alcoholics Anonymous. And one of my twins is in serious trouble. And if he needed help, I know what you're doing. I know you would drop everything you were doing to get right after him. And the fact of the matter, that's true. I can't take care of my kids. I need you. Just like you can't take care of your kids. You need me. And so yesterday, the first, or it was the second, I've been renting a house, a 3,000-square-foot house, bringing sober people in. And sober people come, sober people go. Lots of them are newcomers. And over two years, I've been doing that, running a book study out of this house. And I'm done. It's the first of the month, and I got no renters, and I'm not going to make that kind of a nut every month. And so I called the owner, and I said, you know, I'm done. I'm going to put in my 30-day notice. I don't know where I'm going to go. And I don't know what I'm going to do. And I started sending out texts to sponsees and put it on Facebook. I'm putting in the 30-day notice, looking to rent a room or a studio somewhere, but I'm done. I'm not babysitting this house anymore. It's taken. It's taken me away from God's work. And I'm telling you, within minutes, the phone started ringing, and people started calling. You need to come over here and take a look at this room. And I got this big house that I'm alone in. And what about this book study? We're going to, you need to keep doing the book study. We're going to finance it, and we can put it here, and we can put it there. And it's a spirit. It's a fellowship that I haven't experienced in Alcoholics Anonymous. I felt like my fellowship was down here. This is where my peers are. And I sponsor a ton of people up there, but they're all friends. They're all sponsees. And I don't have many peers up there. And it's hard to go into meetings when you're the one. You're sponsoring half the room, and I just want to be anonymous and slip in under the radar. And they look at you, and you're there, right? And it's not a position that I want to be in. But it is a position that I'm in. And I told them, I won't blink, I won't flinch, and I won't back up. I will do what you put in front of me. I will go where you want me to go. I will do what you want me to do, even if I don't like the way it looks. And the fact of the matter is that all of my hopes and all of my dreams start in rooms like this in Alcoholics Anonymous with people like you. Because the fact of my life is, without rooms like this, without people like you, there is no hope, and there are no dreams, not for somebody like me. Because without you, it's just me, and I'm a dead man. And so I'll end with a prayer. My Lord God, I have no idea where I'm going. I cannot see the road ahead of me. I do not know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself. And the fact that I think I'm following your will does not mean that I'm actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I'm doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that as long as I do this, you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will fear no evil, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. My name is David Lester. Thanks for letting me share.