Cut the Bullsh*t What’s Going On Was the Fifth Step Nobody Taught Me in Treatment – Carl D.

About This Speaker Tape

Carl shares his story at the Blue Chip Speakers meeting, beginning with a childhood saturated in substance use. His father grew marijuana and his parents partied openly around him and his sister. His very first drink came as a toddler when his father's friend gave him screwdrivers — his mother came home from work to find him sick on the floor. By fifteen he was using regularly, and his family smoked pot together in the house. The environment normalized every form of substance use before he ever had a chance to question it.

At the University of Kentucky, Carl was dealing and making more money than he ever would again. His house was raided just as he was heading out the door, and he was charged with trafficking. He served six months and was released on his twenty-first birthday — and went right back to drinking. Meanwhile, his father was a quadriplegic who needed round-the-clock care, and Carl helped look after him while also helping himself to his father's medications. His father eventually died, and Carl's drinking escalated to hundred-proof vodka and daily chaos.

Carl turned himself in to detox but was arrested at the hospital before being admitted. He spent seven days in a cell detoxing with almost no medical support — hallucinating, having out-of-body experiences, hearing things. After that he was put on an ankle monitor but lived next to a liquor store and kept cycling between binging and drying out. He was shoplifting beer from Kroger five times a day and drinking by nine in the morning. His mother had to pull rent money from his bank account before he woke up because she knew it would be gone otherwise.

Carl finally agreed to go to treatment in Atlanta and began working the steps for the first time. He relapsed at nineteen months, came back, cycled through detox again, and eventually found the sponsor he still has today — a man who taught him to stop beating around the bush and just say what was going on. Carl now has an eighteen-month-old daughter and says there is no way he could navigate life without the program. He closes with gratitude and the Grateful Dead plays him off the stage.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Meeting chair Isla introduces the Blue Chip Speakers format and Carl as a five-year sober Deadhead
• 2:00 Carl introduces himself — 32 years old, sober since January 30 2019, available to sponsor
• 3:30 First drink as a toddler — dad's friend Jerry gave him screwdrivers, mom found him sick on the floor
• 6:00 Growing up around open substance use — dad growing pot, Carl helping in the shed, police raid
• 9:00 Started at fifteen on the soccer team, whole family smoking pot together at home
• 12:00 University of Kentucky — dealing, making the most money he has ever made, house raided, trafficking charge
• 16:00 Released from jail on his 21st birthday, father's declining health as a quadriplegic, father dies
• 22:00 Turns himself in to detox but gets arrested — seven days of hallucinations and out-of-body experiences in a cell
• 28:00 Ankle monitor, living next to a liquor store, shoplifting beer from Kroger five times a day, hundred-proof vodka
• 35:00 Treatment in Atlanta, relapse at nineteen months, finding his current sponsor who taught him to be honest, eighteen-month-old daughter