Constitutionally Incapable Until I Finished the Sentence About Honesty – Katie B.

Hey everybody, welcome to the Monday night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at NAVA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story. Oh, and Connie's going to come on up here and introduce Katie. Hi everyone, my name's Connie and I'm an alcoholic. See, this reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabluchipspeakers.org, desperately in need, will hear. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them, too. I must have this thing. Okay, I'm very privileged to introduce our speaker tonight. Our speaker tonight lives her very strong program through her actions. I have seen her in these rooms for some years, but it's only in the past year. I hope that my own recovery has been bolstered, as well as my family's recovery has been benefited by our guest tonight. Her compassion, her knowledge, and her enthusiasm has made her a key member of the AA community in Atlanta. And please join me in welcoming my friend, Katie. Hey, everybody. My name is Katie. I'm an alcoholic. Thanks for the introduction. My sobriety date is July 12, 2009. And I'm a sponsor and I sponsor women. I appreciate you guys asking me to come out tonight and share with you guys for about 40 minutes. It's going to give me the heads up when it's about 5-2. So I'll just go ahead and get started. I was born and raised right around the corner. I went to Lakeside and Oak Grove Elementary School. And I still live in the area. I was the third child of two very loving parents. Come to find out much later, my dad's an alcoholic. So, you know, I think, you know, I had a good childhood. I mean, it was the only one I knew that was normal to me. I played a lot of sports. I think, honestly, if I look back on it now, I think I played sports. Alcoholically, you would say. I mean, I was involved in everything. Danced. I did gymnastics and I played softball. And I did swimming and diving and cheerleading and just on and on. And I just loved it. But I never was sitting still. And, I mean, I had a great childhood. I loved it. I got, went to, things were good with me really until my, like, senior year in high school. But around, like, ninth or tenth grade, I started partying with my... My brother and sister and my cousins who were older than me. And I was introduced to a lot of different, different things early. And I definitely started living a double life. I was kind of like a cheerleader at my high school. And then, you know, weekends and especially summers and holidays, I would be, you know, getting high with my brother and sister. I'd be, you know, I remember my senior year, my friend and I would, would drink beers before school. And, you know, and way back then, just like, you know, at the beginning of Bill's story, for example. I mean, it was fun then, you know. We had a good time. I would, you know, we would shotgun beers. And I'd go to school in my little cheerleading outfit. And I got away with it. And I, you know, I would, you know, just, you know, and life was good. I enjoyed it a lot. And I, I was never a good student. I basically, I don't know if it was, I had ADD or if my eyes weren't good. But I basically cheated my way all through grammar school and high school and never really studied or did anything like that. I sort of got by on being a funny kid and being involved. And I was always the kid outside the room with her nose in the corner if I talked too much. And, you know, I mean, that just was definitely me. And I loved high school. It was probably the best years of my life. I mean, I, you know, I dated the football player, the quarterback. And, you know, I made cheerleading every single time. I just, I loved it. I was just in the in crowd. And it was just, it was just great years of my life. I mean, I would say those were the best years of my life until maybe this time around getting sober, if I were to be completely honest with myself. Um, I went to college, went to big school, went to Georgia and, um, and, um, did not graduate. That was one of the consequences of my drinking. Um, I got my first DUI at Georgia. I didn't even have a car. Um, but, um, I just, you know, I mean, but I started drinking heavily in my sorority. And, um, you know, I was always the girl that like, you know, other girls would be like, you know, drink kind of like a lady. You know, they had their, you know, their pinky out when they took a sip of something, you know, and I would like to slam in them. Um, it just was never, I didn't drink like other people. And I just thought it was all fun. And I just, you know, I thought, you know, I was having a good time. You know, it's, it's, you know, no big deal. And many times I woke up the next day in college and I, I didn't know what I'd done the night before. And I'm absolutely was blacking out, um, did things that I never thought I should do. And, um, you know, just so I'll give you my first example of what I should not do. But, um, we were, I was driving around with, um, one of my friends and everybody was too. Messed up the drive. And so I said, I'll drive, you know, I'll drive. I'm fine. And we had, um, oh, I might as well go ahead and say, I mean, I'm absolutely an alcoholic and I'll show that, but I've done other stuff. So we did way back then, this was in like 1985. So, um, somebody gives me like a hit of acid. And so I'm driving a car and I'm, and I'm drunk and I've had a hit of acid and we get pulled over. And there's a whole group of us in the car. And I tell everybody, I said, y'all, I've heard that if everybody says they weren't driving, nobody will get in trouble. I was like, it is. What'd you do? Everybody just say that they weren't driving. And so we get pulled over, you know, I'm in this big, huge car, you know, it's probably a 78 or something. And, um, you know, he pulls us over and I threw the keys on the floor, just like I thought would work. And the cop says he was driving. And everybody goes, hurr. I was like, those are fair weather friends. And so I went to jail. And, um, I didn't stay long. And when I got out about two o'clock in the morning and my friend was waiting for me and she's like, we have a bucket of beer. And we proceeded to, to get. And I got drunk and I jumped into the physical solution. I didn't think anything was of it. I thought, you know, if you drink, if you, you know, you get DUIs, you're in college, no big deal. I knew it wasn't right, though, because I didn't tell mom or dad. And, um, so I started, I got a job. Now, I'm living in the A.O. Pie House at the University of Georgia. And I got a job at the strip joint on Atlanta Highway coming in. Now, I will say I was just a waitress. But still, I mean, you know, I'm living in the A.O. Pie House, y'all. And I've got a job at this place. And trying to raise. I've got a bunch of money so I can pay off the, the, um, court fine. And, you know, I'm already just, like, doing things that you shouldn't do. Like, I, I didn't, I told them I was indigent and I had no money. And I told them, yes, so then the fine, you know. So, because, so anyway, basically the judge said, you're guilty. And I was like, how the hell do you know? You didn't, um, ask anybody. And he's like, you know, I'm the decision maker. And I, and I threw, I had like 331. So I remember that's what the fine was. In a Crown Royal bag from my lovely waitressing job. And I, like, threw it, you know. But, but it was okay because I told him, I, like, I didn't have a family. And I was very poor and I had no parents. And that, you know, this was how it was. And, and that was, like, sort of the way that my brain thought, this is what you do. And so that, that happened. And, and I think it was probably around 85, 86, 87, 88, something like that. Um, shortly after that, I, um, I got caught cheating at University of Georgia. It was my second time. And, uh, so they, um, they, uh, you know. It was Christmas break and I'm checking the mail and freaking out like my parents were going to know. And all this stuff. Well, instead of getting caught cheating, I got a letter that, you know, it fell out of the University of Georgia. And, um, I was mixed up in, in a very violent relationship at the time. My life was an absolute mess. I mean, it was definitely alcoholism. And, but anyway, so I ended up, um, I moved back to Atlanta. And I moved in with this drug dealer and I started selling drugs. And that was what I thought was going to be the right thing to do. And that's kind of what I did. You know, going out late. Drinking all the time. Um, I would always say, you know, I'm not going to do this. And then I would cross that line and do that. You know, whether it was, you know, um, put myself in dangerous situations. Be overly promiscuous. You know, whatever it might be. So, um, in 1992, I was playing on five softball teams. And, um, so that's why I said it was crazy. And so I was coming home one night from the softball country club. And I got pulled over. Going to an all-night bar. And, um, and, um, the girl that was with me grabbed her backpack and took off. And I got arrested. And that was DUI number two. And I went to jail. And I told them that I was indigent. And that I had no family. And they, um, and they locked me up. My car was impounded. And so I immediately got two more jobs. And I started trying to, you know, fix what was going on. Right? And so I, um, about two weeks to the day. That was, um, November 4th, 1992. And, um, President Clinton had been inaugurated or voted in or whatever. Whatever happens on November 4th. See, I don't know that stuff because I'm cheating. And so, um, so two weeks later, I, um, it was two weeks later to the day. And I had, I had like three jobs. I was working at LaPete. I was working at Best Buy, not Best Buy, Circuit City, and, um, and Fast Signs. And I, um, went to the bar and it was quarter beer. I'm going to try to show the bridge in my thought. I was just going to bring three or four beers. I mean dollars. And there's no way I can get trouble with just three or four dollars. What's a quarter beer? So I had, I don't know, four, five. Six little cups. And I'm like, I've got to go home, you know. And so driving down Cheshire Bridge, get pulled over. And I was like, oh my God. And so I handed the cop a DUI. And he was like, you know, I'm a brand new police officer. And you're already on camera. You're going to jail. And I'm like, I can do a backflip on this line right here. I am not drunk. And I did not feel drunk. And he was like, you're going to jail. And so I went to, um, Atlanta City Jail for the second time. And I told them that I was indigent. And that I had nobody to get me out. And they said, you can't get out on your own. And I said, you can't get out on your own reconnaissance again. Because they basically, I swear I'm not kidding you. The same people were there that fingerprinted me. I mean, I don't know if they were exactly the same. But they were like, you were just here. And, you know, and I wasn't drunk this time. And it was Thanksgiving Eve. It was November 24th. It was Thanksgiving Eve. And so my brother and I ended up, of course, they made the phone call. And all of a sudden I got family, right. Because I didn't even get out. And my car was impounded in the exact same spot. So I called family. And they came and got me. And we were late going to Jamaica to see my mom. And they covered for me. And that was DUI number three. And it was just a mess. And so I ended up, the consequences for that got a little bad. But I didn't stop drinking. I mean, I went to court for that. And, I mean, I had drugs in my car. And I was drinking. And I just thought that I was, you know, I was narcissistic. I didn't think the rules applied to me. And I thought I was just at the wrong place. Or these people should not have given me a DUI. I was like on the way on the third one, like .12 or something. I was barely, barely drunk. So I was so pissed off sitting in jail. I mean, I was so mad. Because I was like, I wasn't even drunk. And so I ended up having to go to a women's prison that time. And I went for nine days. And that was horrible. But I put in time off at five times. And made a joke out of everything. They even made me a sign. My boss made me a sign. And I turned sideways. And I posed with a sign, like a number, like an inmate number. And I was like taking my vacation. And I went to the Key Road Women's Prison for nine days. And, you know, thought nothing of it. Got out. My friend Jennifer was waiting for me. Got plastered. Started drinking. And I remember she was joking with me. She was like, stop. All of a sudden, James, it's only been nine days. But, you know, way back then, this was, like I said, this was probably 92 or 93. You know, I just, it didn't register me that I needed to quit drinking. And life got really, really bad. I started doing all the stuff that we do. I mean, I don't need to, you know, describe a lot. But I was humiliating myself and anybody that loved me. And I had humiliated all my friends. And I was basically alone. And so I came in to Alcoholics Anonymous in 1995. And I picked up a white chip on April 22nd in 1995. And I stayed sober for eight years. And my life got good. I mean, my life got really good. I mean, I was 27 years old when I picked up the white chip. I was sober until I was 35 years old. And I'm in sales. And I started working all the time and doing really well at my work. And, you know, when you take some alcohol away from a drunk that's drunk all the time, you know, and they don't drink. I didn't have a good program. I didn't have a program at all. But I didn't drink. So my family was happy. My mom was able to sleep at night. Everybody was off my back. And I got everything back. I mean, I got my license back. I got, you know, I bought the house. I bought, I had a, you know, convertible BMW. I had all this stuff. And I thought, just like, you know, I thought I have arrived. And I was doing this all on my own. And I had a group of friends that we did everything together. But when that split, I remember saying, I was signing a jail. I was signing. The Gwinnett County Jail. I remember being in there working on the signage and saying, I'm so glad I'll never be in jail again because I don't drink anymore. I'll never be in jail again. I remember that so, so vividly. And then all of a sudden, just like, you know, Bill talked about in the story and in the big book. I mean, I just one day, I was like, you know, I ate way too much of being an alcoholic. There's no way I'm an alcoholic. I'm only 35 years old. And look at all the stuff I have. And I don't look like an alcoholic. And nobody in my work thinks I'm an alcoholic. And, you know, I mean, I must not be an alcoholic. And I just thought, surely I can drink again. And so I picked up, like I said, and whatever that year was, 2005. And I did not get sober for six and a half, seven years. And it was a horrible time in my life. I was in and out of these rooms. I'm sure if there's people that's been here a long time, they saw my sorry, worthless, hopeless, arse in here. And I was in and out of every single A group in Atlanta. And I just thought, I'm the constitutionally incapable of getting sober. I didn't know the rest of the sentence of being honest of who and what I am. And I wasn't able to, you know, humble myself and squash my ego enough to get sober. And I came in. I get three months. I get nine months. I get six months. I'd be like, you know, you people. And I just didn't register to be done in my gut of who and what I was. I was powerless. And I would try to drink again. And I would be off to the races, you know, where I would take something else, like a trash can. I'd take whatever. You know, I got hooked on Stoneless for a little while, which are muscle relaxers. And then I switched over to a little bit of powder. And then I switched back to straight alcohol. And I did that for, I don't know, probably four or five years. And I ended up in one of the times I ended up in them, I had an alcoholic overdose. And I was taken to Cat Hospital. And I woke up. I was there. I was taken in the morning. I had started drinking. Well, that's a funny story, but I don't know if I have time for it. But I got time. Okay. All right. I had just gotten out of a four-month treatment center. And I was like, I got this. I am not going to drink again. I got this. But I wasn't living right. And I wasn't doing the deal. And I didn't have a sponsor. And I did not know. I didn't have the first step. Because I didn't know who deep down in my gut, who and what I was. And so I was, like, sleeping with my neighbor, which was totally alcoholic behavior. And you think about that kind of stuff. And you're like, the reason why I was sleeping with my neighbor is because I walked out of my house one day. I called in work on Monday. And I said, I'm going to be in later. And I did not go into work. And then I called in Tuesday. And I said, I'm going to be in later. Now, I've been working for the same guy for 25 years now. So this was, you know, whatever it was, eight years ago, nine years ago. So I called in by Wednesday. And they were like, something's wrong. Because every morning I'd say I'd be in later. And I never would come in. So one of the mornings I must have, which I have no recollection of, walked in my mailbox about two in the afternoon. On a bright, sunny day in my heels and my sunglasses, which would have been fine if I was wearing clothes. But I was not. And the neighbor, who lived three doors down, drove by and saw me. And he was kidding the car. And he was like, oh, my God. Well, he came and knocked on the door and wanted to meet my boyfriend. You know. And so I started sleeping with my neighbor. And it turned out he was in AA. And he did not realize I was such a drunk until he saw me sneaking alcohol. And he said, he's like, have you ever heard of Bill W? And I'm like, no. God, I can't even get away from the neighbors. Everybody's in AA. And so those were like the kind of things I did. But so he was still there. But I wasn't seeing him. So I got him a treatment. And I, you know, no, no, no. I wasn't seeing him. So I went down. And I woke up. And he asked me to go to the races with him. And I thought, I can't go to the races without alcohol. And it was Sunday. They didn't sell alcohol on Sundays. So I popped into my next door neighbor's house. Because I had their keys. I was trusted to go in their house when they were out of town. And it was Sunday. And I needed something to drink. So I used the keys. And I went in their house. Well, they had gotten the alarm, unbeknownst to me. And so the alarm goes off. And I am like, oh, holy cow, what do I do? And so the phone rings. And so I pick it up. And I go, oh, I'm the neighbor. I set it off. And they're like, what's the code? And I'm like, I don't know. But I'm the neighbor. I was just checking on. Hang up. I grab the Grey Goose. I put it in this big tumbler. I look around. I put the thing back. And I run to my house. And my phone's ringing. Because I'm one of the people that the alarm company calls. So I answer my phone. And they're like, is Katie? And I'm like, this is she. And they're like, you know, your neighbor's alarm's gone. I'm like, I know. I just said it. It's all good. They're fine. Trust me. All good. So I proceed to down the alcohol, just holding my nose, drinking. That's so powerful. I was drinking the whole tumbler of Grey Goose. And I end up in an alcoholic coma in DeKalb County. I mean, in DeKalb Medical Center. And I wake up about 11 o'clock at night to my poor mother, who was probably about 75 then, leaning over the bed, just boo-hooing, like, what is wrong with my daughter? Why can't she not get this? You know, what's wrong with her? And I just, I was mortified. I felt horrible. I felt so bad. But, you know, I drank again. You know, that wasn't enough. Normal people don't do that. They don't do that, you know. But I was just, I mean, I was so full of remorse and so powerless. And so I didn't have any choice. So I ended up, so after that, I ended up, you know, coming in and out of these rooms for, like I said, eight years. And during that time, I got another job. DUI. I got DUI number four in 2004. And I was, I had been biking to take care of my father. But one time I decided to take my car. And sure enough, got pulled over. Got another, no, I got wrecked on my street. That's right. So much stuff I did. I can't even hardly keep up with it. But anyway, you get the picture. I got DUI number four. Went to hospital. Went to jail. Went to Peachford. So all these things were going on. And I can't tell you exactly what happened. But one day, July 12th. Seven. And years ago. And some change. I was at Peachford. And I was sitting there. And I went to, came to a meeting. And I was hanging my head down. And I looked like trash. And I heard this girl talking. And I was like, that girl. I saw her at, the one over there by Oglethorpe. That meeting over there. I was like, I saw her for like a last week talking. And I liked what she had to say. And so the girl that was in treatment with me, who had stayed sober, nudged me. And said, you know, you need to get sponsored. And I didn't do that eight years out here before. I mean, I was the girl that. You know, I was a meeting maker. I mean, I went to meetings. And I joined a fellowship. And I loved all the people. And I was, thought I did it all on my own. And I was like, you know, there's winners and losers. And I'm a winner. And I'm going to stay sober. And, you know, got myself right to the liquor store after eight years of saying that. And thinking that. And I had no God in my life. None. And so, I was like, you know what? I need to get a sponsor. I need to do everything. I was willing to do whatever was suggested to me. So, I asked this lady who was there to be my sponsor. And she's still my sponsor. She's still my sponsor today. And she does it different. Different than I had ever seen before. I mean, she was like, you need to join a home group. And, I mean, I haven't. It's over eight years. I've never joined a home group. I mean, I went to, you know, I went to Biscayne. I went to Delano. I went to Nava. I just went everywhere. I didn't join a home group and be a part of. I didn't do that stuff. Certainly didn't sponsor anybody. But I didn't even. I don't even think I went through the steps. I think I went a fourth step once in those eight years. And then I was like, I got it, you know. So, something that she said in my willingness, I guess, combined me and you say, you know what, I'm willing to do whatever. And so, I said, I don't know where to go to a home group. She's like, well, we just started this meeting. She's like, you could try this. She's like, you know, you don't have to join this group, but you need to join one. So, I looked at the piece of paper and I'm like, holy cow, it's right over the kindergarten. I was like, it's a mile, less than a mile, it's a half a mile from my house. I was like, okay, this is a God thing. And, you know, I believed in God as a child and I went to church and all that. But I didn't rely on God. And I didn't have a relationship with God at all. And this time around, I mean, I was. So, being down, I was just like, you know, I was on my knees. And I was like, one time I was crying and I was just like, God, you've got to help me. I can't do this by myself. And I went to that meeting and I didn't feel like I fit in. And I felt like everybody was better than me. And it's just like, you know, I'm never going to be able to do this. But I called her. I don't know, it must have been God working in my life when I couldn't. And I called her and she said, everybody feels that way. She's like, you're lying. She's like, quit thinking about yourself. She's like, come to that next meeting. She's like, we have another one. And she's like, what are you doing tonight? And I'm like. I don't know. She's like, go to a meeting. And so I did. And so I just started following her suggestions. And we met once a week. And she took me through the steps. And, you know, little by little, I got sober. And I had never done it this way before. And, you know, I was absolutely the girl that was always going to drink again. And always said, you know, this might work for you people, but it's not going to work for me. And so I know if you're sitting in here and you feel like, you know, that the spiritual solution is a clock. You know. I felt the same way. And that's all we got for you is that it's a spiritual solution. You know. And I didn't think it was going to work for me. But I just kept doing the stuff that was laid out before me. And I liked my sponsor enough that even though I thought some of the stuff was kind of stupid, I did it anyway. And I came early. And, you know, she took me through the book. And I started doing the steps. And I remember probably two years I didn't sponsor anybody. I was still kind of like, you know, I don't have anything to offer these people. I don't know this book. And, you know. You know. That's what y'all do. Y'all do that stuff. You know. I'm good. Just sitting in my seat and sharing every once in a while. Keeps hurt or whatever. But I can't do this to sponsor people. I don't know what I'm doing. And it took a long time for me to get to where, you know. She started saying, just stand up. It's not like people are going to come running to you. And I'm like, oh, yeah. Okay. So I stood up. And then all of a sudden, like, two months passed. I'm like, why the hell is anybody coming up asking me to sponsor me? You know. I was like, I've been standing up and no one's coming. And so, you know, she's like, they'll come. When you're ready, they'll come. And she's like, go to these meetings. And, you know, it's too funny because, you know, all of a sudden you get into kind of this AA bubble that we're in. And the things that are important to you are like, you know, huh. She just does the same as me. And she's got three sponsees. And I don't have anybody. Nobody wants to laugh. I better start to step it up. You know. And I'm a little competitive. It's not helped for me a lot. You know. I know everybody's not like that. But that helped. And so my sponsor started saying, well, go to the podium and share. I was like, oh, cool. I can definitely do that. So I started to go on that podium. And people started. They started asking me. But she would tell me. I mean, she's honest with me. I mean, she would tell me at the beginning. And she would say, if she was here now. I mean, she was like, after the meeting, she'd go, okay, Katie, you totally vomited out of the mouth. That's not what I wanted you to say when you get up there. And she's like, you need to have some humility. You need to squash your ego. You know. No. Or she would laugh so much and be like, yeah, some are sicker than others. Or she would tell me, you know, you'll get better. And, you know, over time, you know, I hope that I've changed and I've evolved. And I'm not so full of ego anymore. And, um. But I have to give it to her, you know, as far as making me keep doing this stuff until I started wanting to do it. And I ended up, before I knew it, I looked around and I had, like, these wonderful friends in my life. And, um. And, um. About, about, let's see, ten months after I came in this last time, like seven years ago. I was at my home group. And I pulled up to the parking lot and I had a flat tire. And I had a flat tire. And I had a flat tire. And I asked some of the guys that changed my flat tire. And they were all, like, joking me. And they were like, no, you changed your own tire. And this cute boy saw. And he said, I'll come over. And he jumped over there and he changed my tire. And all these other guys were trying to figure it out. But he goes down on the ground and he changed my tire. And I was like, hmm. I was like, so I introduced myself. And he was like, I know who you are. And I was like, well, can we go to a pizza? And I'll buy you pizza for changing my tire. And, um, he was like, yeah, I'll go over there for pizza. He's like, but you don't have to buy my. Oh, I know. And I said, he had his friend with. And so it was like, this is how bad I was at the beginning. This is 10 months better. So he had his friend with him who was just coming in. And he had been drinking. He was like, three days. I wasn't thinking about anybody but myself. So I looked at him. Now, pizza's like $3, right? I looked at Trey. And I said, I'll buy your pizza. But your friend didn't do anything. So he's on his own. And, um, and he was like, he still wanted to marry me. I mean, I have no idea why. But, um, so anyway, so we ended up going to pizza. I swear, that's a true story. That's what I said to him. And, um. And he probably rolled his eyes. I was like, oh, God. And, um, so I ended up, we ended up dating. And I, you know, it was only 10 months. And I took it to my sponsor. And she's like, look, you know, you, um, you threw the ninth step. And you're starting to make amends. And, you know, um, I've never, we both had had some time before. I had had, uh, eight years. And he had had five years. And she also knew him. Her and her husband knew him. And they said, she said, you know, I think it's fine. She's like, you know, you can, you can go on a date with him. It's not like you're going to marry him or anything. And, um. And six months later, he proposed at Fellini's. And, um, we were married in February of 2011. And, um, like I say, it's not always been easy. Um, you know, two alcoholics is not a perfect recipe. Um, but, you know, we, we have a program. And we have our sponsors. And we, um, we have, we, we have sponsees. And we have friends in the program. And we, we work those things out, you know. And, um, he's been my rock for, you know, a lot of years. Um, we've learned to work together. We now work together. And, um, of course, we live together. We're married. And, um, and, you know, it's like, you know, and, um, and, um, you know, I, uh, I'm still at the same job. And, you know, they, I mean, I've skipped some stories to show the powerlessness. But I'll, I will tell you that, um, he's really good friends now with the owner of my company. Who, if he wasn't such a good man, I would be unemployed. And many, many people told me when I was coming in here and I couldn't get it together. You know, it's probably going to take losing her job. I mean, I was a wreck. I was a, I was a hopeless wreck. And, you know, I didn't really care. I mean, I, I was drinking, um, into the night and into the morning. I always woke up and I had a drink. And so what I would do is I would pour, because I, I would wake up and I was shaking, you know. And I knew that if I just drank some vodka and held my nose, I would be okay. And I would usually just walk the dog and go to work and I would be fine. I know that everybody doesn't drink in the morning, but I was that person. And I was that girl. And, and most of the time I was fine. But twice I wasn't fine. And one of those times I was the sales manager at my work and I fell out on the floor. And they knew I was intoxicated. And they took me into my office and they called my mom and they had an intervention. And they told me I had to go to treatment. And that was the second time. And the first time I passed out, um, in my office. And they couldn't, I locked the door and they started running around. I mean, this is like a business, you know. They're starting to run a business. And, you know, and they, and they had to go run outside and look through the window. And I was asleep on my daytime or I was passed out. It was 10 o'clock in the morning. So my boss picked me up. He took me to the hospital and he sat with me until I was awake at 12 o'clock. And I woke up and I was staring at him. And I'm like, what are you doing here? And I had no recollection of what I'd done or where I was. And, you know, and that's, that's where alcohol took me into that hopeless state. And it was pitiful. When my mom came the second time, she was humiliated. She thought I was going to die. And so I tell those stories for two reasons. Number one, I don't know if you're like me, but I'm a skeptic. And I don't believe stuff. And I have to be, you know, and, and my husband's heard the stories. He knows my boss. He knows my mom. He knows the stories. And that is the person that I was. And today, you know, I don't sit there every day and say, please God, help me not drink. It's been removed from me. I mean, do I think about it? Yeah, I think about it. But I know that's not my life. And I know I'm the girl that can't drink again. And if I don't go to God and ask him the little things, I will be the person that drinks again. I'm as powerless. As, um, you know, or otherwise. We're never immune to this. And there's people in here struggling. Um, I know for a fact there is. And, um, I just want them to know that there is a solution. Um, I'm going to get on to what life is like today so that there's a message of hope here. We don't leave all like, you know, in a fallen and comforted slum. Um, so, um, so, you know, my, uh, my work today is good. They don't think that they don't, they don't have one bit of. Doubt that I'm going to come in and be a good worker. They, I mean, I do still come in late. They don't like that. But I come in every day and I do a good job for them. And, um, and, um, you know, I, I try not to, um, do the things that I learned in this program. Like I try not to, to, to fuss about every little thing that's wrong there. I try not to, to criticize all the people there. Because I've been given an opportunity there that anybody could have been given. I mean, I have no idea why I was given such a good opportunity. At my work, um, because I'm really the girl that's not very educated, that cheated. I was just given this opportunity. It's all God. And so now I have to fulfill that. And I have to go in and I have to do a good job for them. So, you know, I have to be a good daughter. Um, and my, um, I've been, I don't have any children. And so I think that God gave me my parents to take care of. And, um, they're older and they're wonderful. And, um, my dad passed away a year ago, August. And, um, you know, I, I got to be there for him. And, um, God, I don't want to upset. I'm sorry. Um, but anyway, um, I was able to be the daughter that I would not have been able to be if I was drinking like that. And, um, and I just, I know that I would not be that person if it wasn't for my sponsor and, and the, and God in my life. But I was able to go there. And my dad's an alcoholic. And so he got sober for a while. And then he actually didn't have a program. So what did he do? He drank in the independent living. Man. It's to find a way. Just like we will. I mean, I used to have this reservation that when I turned 75, I was going to drink again on some veranda. Right. A rocking chair. Because I, you know, it reached 75 and I could drink again. Well, after seeing my dad, I know that I'm always going to be powerless. Um, you know, my dad ended up, you know, he was a little, he had a walker, y'all. And he ends up getting alcohol day after day by going to the Kroger and bringing it back to his room and, you know, drinking. At, at 80. I mean, 80, y'all. The thing doesn't leave us. This is the one day at a time. Forever. And my wonderful friend Barbara sitting here was witness to that. Um, funny story. Um, we, um, we were walking in our neighborhood one day. And Barbara's been a great gift in my life. She's my neighbor. And she walked into my home group and I met her there. We've been living in the same neighborhood for 20 years and we had never met. And all of a sudden she comes into Alcoholics Anonymous. We become fast friends. And so we still today do tons together. So we're walking around our neighborhood one day and out of the blue she goes, you know, for me to help with your dad. She's like, she's a nurse. She's like, I'll be glad to help. She's like, just let me know. I know it's a lot. You know, my dad was incontinent and had all kinds of problems. Stroke and everything. I was like, okay, Barbara, I will. Thanks so much. So I get home that day and I got a call from the place and they're like, you know, look, this is Invented Living and your dad has, is like a pee in, is like a, um, a pig in mud. He is dying it all over himself and we're not cleaning it up. And I am like, oh my God. So what do I do? I call Barbara. She said, have you ever needed help? So I called Barbara and I go, oh, she goes, I'll go with you. So we get over there and this is before I found out my dad was drinking, y'all. So I'm thinking of a poor thing, you know, he can't get his britches up because he's had his stroke. And so Barbara's in there and I'm like gagging. I'm like, Barbara, we can, I can't do this. She's like, I got it. No problem. She's like, she looks at me. She goes, but I don't do this for just anybody. She goes, I don't even make gloves. She's like, this is disgusting. My dad gets the wall and there's everywhere. And so I, um, so I'm like, I can't do this. I got to do something else. I'll put the groceries away. So I turned to go to his little front door and there's a 12 pack of ice cold Budweiser. I went off because I was like, oh my gosh. Now I've been financially supporting my dad for like years, like a lot each month, more than a thousand dollars. I was so upset that you could not even believe it. I went and got in his face. I was screaming at him saying, and you know, you are an alcoholic. And then all of a sudden, finally, after Barbara had cleaned up the mess, she comes over and she's like, Katie, Katie, I think you got it. She's like, that's enough. You see, this is a man that like. You know, he knew Newt Gingrich. He knew Jimmy Carter. I mean, he was a professional speaker. He was a man that, you know, had a great job, but he's just like any of us. And he couldn't get to AA meetings and he didn't have a solution. So of course he's going to drink again. So what do I do? I go to my sponsor and I tell her and she's like, awesome. She's like, that's great. She's like, he didn't have a solution. She's like, yeah. She's like, probably won't drink again since you laid into him. But I drink. She's like, you know what? He had no other solution. I'm like, I can't believe her. You know, but it's true. You know, I mean, he did that because he couldn't. He didn't get to AA meetings and he didn't have a choice. He was powerless. You know? So, but I was able to take care of my dad until the day he died. And now I'm able to be there for my mom and she's getting older. And that's the kind of program, that's the kind of life that I've been granted because I went through the steps and I did as it was suggested to me. So, you know, I was powerless when I got in here. And I learned to, I came to understand that many are powerless is in your gut, knowing who and what you are. And that's just what you do. You can't ever drink again successfully. That's what I was. My life was a man's world that had to be explained to me. But the big thing is knowing that you're powerless and you're never going to be able to drink successfully. And I believe there was a power greater than me. So that wasn't hard. Turned out well in my life. That got a little difficult because I didn't until I learned that was your thoughts and your actions. And then every time I started calling my sponsor after I made a decision and she was like, this isn't like the news feed on Facebook. She's like, I don't need to read about it. You need to call me before you make the decision. And I was like, huh, you know, but I did. I started calling her and I started making much better decisions because she was helping me, you know, and that is exactly the truth. And so, you know, but that's why I started doing that. And the things that she gave me were better than my, my, you know, what I was doing. It was all wrong. And I realized you don't make good decisions. That's why you're where you are. And so I did a fourth step like it was out live in the book. And I sat down with her and I told her all this stuff. And I told her, I told her the one thing that I wasn't going to tell anybody. And I heard that all the time. And I was like, well, I don't have that. And I remember I went to a meeting at Biscayne on the way to meet her. And it just so happens the meeting was on fourth and fifth step. And someone in the meeting said to me, this is like how God works in your life. You know, someone in the meeting shared, you know, when I did my fifth step, there was this one thing and they mentioned what it was. And, you know, a light went on in my head. I said, you know what? I said, that is something that I've never told anybody. I didn't want to hurt the person that did it to me. So I told my sponsor and she was like, that's not a big deal. She's like, that's not a big deal at all. She's like, you know, let me tell you some stuff. And then I was able to leave and I was kind of, I was free from that stuff. I mean, I didn't feel good instantly. But I started realizing that, you know, that I could be free from all that judgment that I had against myself and all that judgment I had against other people because I saw the character that I was. And it wasn't a good character. You know, I was a liar and I was a cheat. I mean, I told you I was a cheat. And I was a, you know, the only time I ever stole anything really was drugs. But still, I mean, you know, I was sad. You know, I figured that I didn't have to make amends to them. And, you know, six and seven is something I work on all the time. You know, the character defects just switch. If we were rendered white as snow, we would never have to come back to AA again. And I remember learning that when, you know, I asked pharmacies and some were here tonight. It's wonderful. And some. Some people have problems with, each person has a problem with something different. And that's when I can say, you know, that's that character defect that you ought to ask God to remove and be entirely willing to have them remove it. You know, go to them daily until that's removed. And some people have boy problems. And some people have fear of financial insecurity problems. And, you know, I have a little of all of those, you know. And the one that's cropping up the most, I've got to ask God to remove that. And using mine as judgment. I mean, I can just be so full of judgment and I don't have any peace. It's in my heart when I have that judgment. I don't like it. So I'll get sick and tired of it enough. And then I'll be like, okay, God, help me with this. You've got to help me. I'm telling people to do this stuff. Help me. And then, you know, I made a list of the people I harmed. And I went and I made amends to them. And I asked them what I needed to do to make it right. And most of mine were good. I mean, most of mine were living amends. And I was a creepy person. I mean, I had done some crazy stuff. And I remember I made amends. I made amends to my brother. And I was super glad I did that because he passed away about a year and a half after I made amends to him. He just had a heart attack on my mom's couch. And that was devastating. And I made amends for the hurt feelings that I had done. And he was always there for me and did good things to me. And my husband was always good to him. He was the nicest boy or girl ever to my brother. And it just made my brother so happy. And I think he was glad that I had found a tray. And so. And so I made amends to him before he passed away. And that's a programming thing. And that's a God thing. I would have never said I was sorry. I still struggle today with saying I'm wrong and I'm sorry. I'm not wrong a lot. But when I am, I have to go back and say, you know what? I'm wrong about that. And people, most people will say, oh, I don't care. I don't even remember it. I'm like, but I do. I remember that. I was all right. And a lot now, I'm at a place where I can say, you know what? I may be wrong about that. I mean, I hear myself at work saying, you know, yes, yes, it is. And then I go, well, maybe I'm wrong. You know, the people at work are liking me better. I don't have somebody that I'm trying to get fired. And I don't have somebody that they don't hate me anymore. I mean, you know, I've changed, you know. But if I don't keep doing this still, I can change back. Because, you know, I won't keep that spirituality in my life if I don't keep being humble and keep, you know, helping newcomers. And that's my favorite thing to do now. I used to be like, no, I'm never doing that. And so after my amends, you know, I mean, you know, 10 and 11, you know, it's a lifetime. But I did a little bit of that with my sponsor, like emailing each other back and forth at night. And then, you know, now I know when those bedevilments or character defects or when I do wrong, I try to make it right real soon. So that it doesn't end up being a four-step, you know. I try to make it right the next day so that I don't have to go carry it around for a long period of time and then do a four-step. So that's how I work those steps. And then, you know, today I'll stay sober. Because I am very active in my home group. I don't have a yearly position. But I did last year. I speak to speakers. And I love doing that. And so now, you know, I try to, you know, I don't know what I do. But I can't think. I go, I sponsor women. I sponsor women. And I love those women because they help me remember who and what I was. And they help me get out of myself. And my disease, which is something I learned in here. I didn't know that it centers in my mind. I mean, once the alcohol was removed from me, then if I didn't have a problem, I would never need to go to AA again. But because the ick is still up here and it tells me all this crazy stuff and I have crazy thinking, I have to keep coming to meetings reminded, oh, yeah, that's because you're an alcoholic. That's why you think those things. That's why you do those things. And here's the solution for those things. And, but, yeah, I mean, no, I do know I do. Like, I mean, our home group has it. We have it. We have it. We have it. We have it. And I was like, things like we go to take meetings to jails. And I'm on the rotation for that. And I'm going to St. Jude this week. And I'm on, like, a little flyer for St. Jude's. A girl called me today. And she's like, will you be my sponsor? And I'm like, sure. I'd like to meet you. And I was like, you know, I'll be there on Saturday. I'm going to meet her. And it's like, I normally, you know, I was always drunk by 4 o'clock on a Saturday. I could have drunk, driven to St. Jude's and sponsored somebody, you know, and met with them and talked to them. And, you know, that's God. That's the one that's helped me have that kind of willingness and that heart. And, but basically, I do the five things that were told to me at the very beginning. I do those today. I love alcohol synonymous. So I attend a meeting whenever I can. I go to my home group every Thursday and Saturday unless, I think my sponsor said, unless I'm out of town or my mother's in the hospital. And, but I love it. I do it because I want to. And it's like I see the people that make up excuses as to why they can't be there. They're all drinking. You know? Soon enough, they're all drinking. And I know I'll be that girl. Because. I'm not the girl that can just do one thing. I will drink again. I've proven it to myself. So I'm an active member of my own group. And I go to meetings. And I sponsor women. And I call my sponsor. And I go to God. And I try to be, you know, a good member of alcohol synonymous. That's the purpose in my life today is to help other people recover from alcohol synonymous and to be a good member. It might sound like kind of boring. But when I'm not doing that, I'm also traveling with my friends in AA. Last year, I went to Italy. With a friend of mine who had a place for a week. I travel with my friend Barb all the time. Trey and I go around the country. I mean, I used to be so drunk in an airport. I remember once the cop hit my leg a couple times. Like, you, you need to move on. Just like a drunk on the sidewalk. And I'm like, move on. I miss my plane. I don't even know where my wallet is. And, you know, I mean, where am I going to move, you know? And now I'm the girl that can go get a passport and go up and go, yeah, that's my seat. And, you know, that's huge. So, I mean, I'm alive today. And I'm grateful to God. I'm grateful to Alcoholics Anonymous. And I thank you all very much for asking me to do this. And thanks. Trey, would you hand the chips out? Hello, I'm Trey, and I'm an alcoholic. If you all didn't get anything out of that but one lesson you should be thinking about is if you don't get sober, you're going to end up with high heels and sunglasses naked in the front lawn. Thanks, babe. All right. If anybody's wanting to come join our way of life. We're coming back. We have a white chip. Anybody else? All right. After 30 days, we have a silver chip. Does anybody have 30 days? After three months, 90 days, we have a red chip. Six months, we have a yellow chip. A green chip. Anybody with a year? Full stare of? Hey, guys. Bob Alcoholics. A lot of you have known for many, many years. And a few I've just met recently. But love you all. Love you all who stay sober as in her story and all of that. A lot of you know that I had many, many years and went back out and coming back in, by the way, this number five and coming back in, I've learned I've learned a lot that I had to do things entirely different. I can't say that I'm perfect. I can still screw things up on a daily basis. And these last couple of years have been, you know, an emotional strain. I've fallen down and gone boom many times. And. Many situations, but a lot of people in these rooms have been of great support to me. Listen, the midnight phone calls and all of that are midnight texting this and, you know, shoot me a text. I know you're not feeling well today and all of that, you know, that means a lot. You know, I've managed to pull through. There's still some emotional upsets, but I'm getting through it. I had to learn this past year how to say no and goodbye in situations and that hurts, but it's to improve my strength and my sobriety as well as others. You know, I'm grateful I've pulled through and the promises are starting to come through in my life, and I'm very grateful for that. Miracles as well. I'll share a quick miracle with you, something that I've known for many, many years, probably close to 40 years. We figured out a few years ago that we used to drink together at the same places all the time. And yeah, I remember you. This person. I went through some struggles and called me the other night and said, you know, I've had some problems. Could you please be my sponsor? And I said, it would be an honor. You know, some of the miracles and I was able to have lunch with my mother today, like we try to do once a week. And she's like, I'm so glad you like this now. She said, I used to hate those 12 o'clock midnight phone calls, not knowing it was a big call. If you were dead or alive and always leave to hear your voice. But I was pissed that you called me at 12, 1, 2 o'clock in the morning and we just giggled. But thanks to each and every one of you. Love all you guys. Couldn't have done it without you. Anybody else with a year multiple zero? All right. The only chip we give out twice is the white chip. Anybody want to reconsider? All right. Congratulations on the chip you have.