Children of Alcoholics and the Concept of a Father Power – Laura B.

Okay, once again, from Marble Falls, Texas, I give you our friend Laura B. Take it away, Laura. got to unmute Laura. There you go. Now? Yep. Okay it showed unmuted on my end a minute ago. Hi y'all my name is Laura I'm alcoholic and truly by the grace of God I've been sober since April the 6th of 1987. Thank you Howard and Kathy and everyone who's doing service here at this meeting. We are at the bottom of page 62 this week and we're going to read the paragraph that starts this is the how and the why of it. Just a little recap, we went over the above paragraph last week and kind of covered the fact that self-will cannot overcome self- will, right? We can't fix what's broken with what's broken, and so they're pretty clear in that paragraph that we finished up on last week that says we had to have God's help. That's how they finished where we left off last week and so now we're going to get directions about what that looks like um because most of us don't know that's why um okay this is the how and the why of it first of all we had to quit playing god why this is my favorite sentence in the big book or my second favorite sentence in the bigger book because it didn't work right we suck at it that's what that's saying next we decided that hereafter, in this drama of life, God's going to be the director. He is the principal, we are his agents, he is the father and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple. And this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. So lots of questions, right? The first time I read that I had lots of questions, lots of questions. What does it mean quit playing God? Right? Because I don't really see that I'm playing God. I really see that I am just trying to get my way which is clearly what's best for everyone. Just ask me. So what do we mean when we say quit playing God? At this point I hope that you are going through the book with a sponsor or another sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous he's already worked the steps because they'll point out to you the astounding evidence to the contrary right like I don't know what I'm doing and that's why it says it didn't work because we all ask this question first of all we have to quit playing god why right because god's good at his job i not so much right in spite of what i like to think and what difference does it make if i'm trying to play god why is that a problem we covered that last week right when i am in the bondage of self i am separated from the power that is necessary to keep me sober for 24 hours i cannot be consumed with me and connected to a power at the same time they're mutually exclusive i'm either in bondage of self or i'm connected to that power so when i'm playing god and i'm trying to arrange the lights the scenery the ballet all that jazz when i'M doing all the things that we've been reading about in the previous two and a half pages, I am in the bondage of self. I'm running that show. And the end result always ended. It's always the same, right? Chaos, shame, dishonesty, fear, self-pity. That's where we end up. And if I stay there long enough, I'll wet it down. Right? So why do we have to do this? Because it doesn't work. I will tell you that I have to ask in prayer for God to help me to quit doing his job. For a long, long time, I had to ask for help through prayer because it's just not in my nature to just turn it over. When I came in, they had this sign on the wall that said, let go and let God. And it was like, what does that even mean? How do you even do that? Well, it turns out the answer to that is work the steps. But I didn't know that um i don't intuitively let god so i ask for help then it says next we decided i'm making a decision right that's all i'm doing here is i'm taking a decision next we decided that hereafter in this drama of life i love that language god was going to be our director. He is the principal. We are his agents. He is the father and we are his children. I have, I have and I have sponsored a lot of people who have trouble with the idea of he is the father, we are as children, right? Find something that works, right. Find something that matches this concept that works for me for a long time, what I knew is that I'm a great employee. I know how to show up, get my assignment for the day and knock it out of the park. So when I prayed, I would say, hey boss man, and I could turn myself in in the morning to get my assessment for the Day. You know what I mean? And I give, I give that power a full day's work for a full days wage of sobriety. That concept fit me. It made sense to me i'm grateful that i had sponsorship that allowed me to find something that fit me right because my ego balks at he is the father and we are his children my immediate response to that is don't tell me what to do right um not everybody is that way but if you find yourself struggling with this concept of director agent father child find a space that fits the point of the paragraph is I'm not in charge the point Of the paragraph is that I am making a decision I'm conceding the point we began that process in step one we look at all the evidence of the insanity of our lives unmanageability insanity of our lives and insanity of our thinking in step two we just spent two and a half pages looking at what happens when we're trying to arrange life to suit ourselves right I'm really here making the decision to concede the point to just say so be it right enough's enough i am clear that if i am in charge i will create a world that i need to escape from i am equally confident and have the experience lots and lots and lot of the experience that when god is in charge, i live a life i don't want to get out of right I live a life where I'm comfortable in my own skin most of the time I'm aware of how blessed I am most of the time right I don't need to be somewhere else doing something else with somebody else I don'T need to avoid how I feel and that's the point the point is I'M MAKING A DECISION TO SAY ENOUGH THAT'S REALLY IT I'M SAYING ENOUGH most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed a freedom okay y'all now now i shall tell you how uneducated i be um it took years for me to get this concept of cornerstone and keystone we started a big book study in my living room in september of 1998 that's still going today um and we would talk through this keystone cornerstone foundation blah blah blah and i would nod and smile like i had some clue i had no clue and finally in about 2000 it's probably 10 years later it's 2008 probably uh one of the guys that was coming was an architect and he just noticed that I kind of had this glazed over look on my face and he said do you even know what we're talking about and I was like oh yeah sure he said you have no idea what we'RE talking about do you and I was like no not really um and so he drew me a picture and I wish I had it so I could share it with you, but maybe you all get it. I didn't get it, but the cornerstones are the two stones at the base of each side of the arch, right? And you can stack all of those stones up to get to the top of the march and the keystone is the thing that holds it all in place. The keystone is the things that locks both sides of the art together. If you don't have the key stone eventually the arch is going to collapse right so it says this concept is the keystone it's the thing that's gonna lock it all together to get us to freedom from untreated alcoholism bondage of self the obsession of the mind right fear so what is the concept right the concept is there is a power and I ain't that power right that's as simple as it gets there is God and it isn't me right and I'm making a decision when I put that when I make that decision to let God be the director or the boss or whatever you want to call it the father whatever you wanna call it when I make that decision to have the power that I believe in or don't believe in, quite frankly, even if you don't believe in it, it's okay. We don't care. When I make a decision that there is a power that would do a better job of running my life than I'm doing, I put that keystone in place. The willingness to continue. That's what the willingness to keep going. to continue with the steps, the willingness to follow through to the prayer that's coming up. Right? That's the keystone. I don't have to like it. And I'll tell you the first time that I went through the steps I didn't believe a word of this. But I took the action that the book was asking me to take and I got the results that the books promised. Because I don' t have to believe in it or feel it or agree with it or trust it. I just have to take the action. So if you're new and you're reading this and you think you're a lunatic, that's cool. Everybody thinks I'm a lunatick. We're all nuts here. It's okay. You don't have to believe in it. It's fine. Take the action anyway. What have you got to lose? They used to say it all the time and I don't hear it anymore. And maybe they still say it and I just don't hearing anymore. but they used to say, give it a shot. And if you get through the process and you don't get the results, we will gladly refund your misery. And that's really where I was the first time I went through this. I thought, what have I got to lose? I knew it wasn't going to work for me. I knew you guys were full of it. I knew I was different from you and it was never going to work for me, took the action anyway because what have I got to lose, right? And I got the same results that you got. So don't get hung up here about what you believe or what you think or how you feel about it, right. What I would, what was shared with me and what I would share with you, right is find a concept any kind of concept that is there is a power right and some small inkling of willingness that perhaps that power could do a better job with your two square feet than you've been doing when i hit my emotional sobriety bottom at four years and two months i was dry as a fire hazard and i was in a lot of pain and this guy sitting across from me said with the most utmost compassion that the old timers always showed me. He said, Laura, a monkey could do a better job of managing your life than you're doing. And, you know, he was right. I couldn't even argue with him. It was just total chaos. I'd burned it to the ground. And over the years, I can get to this paragraph today. I can sit down at four o'clock in the afternoon after a really hectic day and I can read this paragraph and I can be reminded one more time it's all good right because there is one who has all power and I got up this morning and said here take it and that decision that it's asking me to make at the bottom of page 62 is to just say here take It and when I do that I'm afforded the opportunity to move forward through the steps to keep my seat in Alcoholics Anonymous and eventually to get all of the promises that are in the book and a whole bunch of promises that aren't in the book. Right? There's a whole punch of yummy goodness that happens in Alcoholic Anonymous in our lives when we stay in Alcoholix Anonymous that isn't written down, but you got to show up here to find out what that is. So belief is the cornerstone. the keystone is that willingness in step three and if I in in the original manuscript I think it's in the initial manuscript somebody I'm sure will correct me if I'm wrong but I think in the regional manuscript right here at the end of this paragraph it says get that simple relationship straight I understand why they took it out but I really love it right I like simple and direct. And so I think that's all I've got on that for today.