Chapter Five Diagnosed a Soul Sickness That Eighteen Years of Jungian Analysis Couldn’t Name – Scott R.

About This Speaker Tape

Scott R. delivers a brilliantly funny and deeply moving main speaker talk at the Pacific Group in January 1996, sharing how he arrived at AA after 18 years of psychotherapy, a progression through every drug imaginable, and a relapse after 13 years clean from heroin. A Jewish kid from the Bronx raised in what he calls a completely insane family, Scott describes how self-knowledge alone could never solve his alcoholism, and how his father's death while Scott was strung out on heroin left a wound he carried for years. His wife Nancy and their two sons Micah and Jesse became grievously sick from the chaos of his active addiction.

On April 22, 1985, Scott put a needle in his arm again and his Jungian therapist told him nothing more could be done except AA, NA, or institutionalization. He walked into an AA meeting not knowing why, stayed six months doing nothing, and finally asked a man to sponsor him. His sponsor took him through the steps straight from the Big Book, starting with Chapter Five and the Third Step prayer on their knees. The Fourth Step inventory revealed the anatomy of his soul sickness: resentments, fears, and sexual problems. Scott discovered he was far more a homicide person than a suicide person, hating others far more than himself.

The payoff of living the steps shows up in the smallest moments: sitting in the first base stands at Little League after years of isolating in rage, his son Jesse shooting him a subtle look of pride after being intentionally walked, his older son Micah standing up to him with healthy boundaries learned from the program. Scott applies the sexual inventory from page 69 to his marriage and discovers his dishonesty about housework and motives. Two ten-minute speakers follow: John L., an 11-year-sober former boxer sponsored by Clancy who found his home in the Pacific Group after a year of white-knuckling sobriety alone, and Brenda W., nine years sober, who passionately defends the importance of hearing alcoholism discussed at AA meetings rather than drug stories, and credits the Pacific Group's structure and traditions for her quality of life.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Scott R. introduced as main speaker at the Pacific Group
• 2:00 Jeff D. story about being bored in AA, thirteen-year payoff punchline
• 5:00 Catching alcoholism: Scott explains he was not alcoholic when he arrived, identity as Jewish artistic patient
• 10:00 The three-fold illness described: physical reaction, alcoholic thinking, and cancer of the soul
• 15:00 Drug progression from alcohol to heroin, father's death while Scott was using
• 20:00 April 22, 1985 relapse and therapist's ultimatum leading to first AA meeting
• 25:00 Six months of step none, sponsor takes him through Big Book steps, Fourth Step inventory
• 30:00 Making amends through showing up: Little League, Jesse's intentional walk moment
• 35:00 Micah's freedom from fear, applying page 69 sexual inventory to marriage, housework dishonesty
• 40:00 John L. shares: boxer turned alcoholic, white-knuckling, finding the Pacific Group through Clancy's sponsorship